Party of Five s03e07 Episode Script
Personal Demons
MAN [OVER TV.]
: Had a run of bad luck lately? Well, when bad things happen to good people, blame the evil eye, or so says Dr.
Aiden Blalock of Hex-Be-Gone Services.
Damn it.
Hey, Claud, can you hand me the pliers? Hang on.
This is really interesting.
MAN: As Halloween approaches, Dr.
Blalock says the demand for his services is at an all-time high.
Claudia! Services which include hex lift, ghost-busting Will you just--? Do I have to do everything around here? Sorry.
Sorry.
[TV CLICKS OFF.]
I'm sorry.
Maybe that's our problem.
Maybe there's a hex on our family.
I mean, when was the last time anything good happened around here? Hurry up.
My arm's cramping.
I mean, think about it.
It's always something sad.
Now that Kirsten's gone, the whole house just seems empty and awful.
I don't wanna talk about it? [SIGHS.]
Shouldn't you call a qualified professional for this? I called a roofer.
He wanted 10 grand to fix the roof and do the repairs, which we don't have.
It's another headache that I'm stuck with it.
And you say we're not jinxed.
Will you stop it? There's no such thing as jinxes or hexes or curses.
It's all just a bunch of-- [SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Charlie, are you okay? Are you hurt? [GRUNTING.]
Man.
See what I mean? [THUNDER CRASHES.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FIVE" PLAYING.]
* Everybody wants to live * * Like they wanna live * * And everybody wants to love * * Like they wanna love * * Everybody wants to be * * Closer to free-ee-ee-ee * * Closer to free * [BELL DINGS.]
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
No.
I'm just saying Halloween costumes should be simple to nonexistent.
That's all.
Here.
Couple nails through the head and we're outta here.
Bailey, I can't MC a costume contest with a nail through my head.
I'm in charge of this dance.
You know, I have to look like I at least tried.
Okay, okay.
But do we have to go all out here? Here.
I got it.
Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible.
Bailey, can't you at least support me in this? Come on, I went to that Three Stooges festival with you.
Five solid hours of "nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
" That was different.
That was-- That was culture.
Yeah.
And this is charity.
I know.
I know.
The children's clinic and that's good but What? [GASPS.]
Snow White and Prince Charming.
You're not-- Wait a minute.
You're not-- No.
No.
Of course not.
I mean, not for us.
No.
No.
It's just-- Look, don't laugh, okay, but, I mean, ever since I was aware, I've wanted to be Snow White for Halloween.
And can you imagine? Ick, ick, gah.
I know.
I know.
It's just, I've never had a-- A wonderful, handsome boyfriend to be my Prince Charming.
So it's kind of like this lifelong childhood dream I never got to realize.
It's kind of sad if you think about it.
I'm glad you got over it.
Keep looking.
Listen, Meg, no, your parents didn't.
I just wanna talk to Kirsten, okay? Then can you at least give her a message for me? Tell her that I love her, okay? Meg.
Hello? Hello? God-- [SIGHS.]
[PHONE BEEPS.]
I'm sorry, um, but we're not open yet.
I know.
I'm Grace Wilcox from the Harvest program.
I called last week.
Anyway, we pick up leftover food from restaurants to feed the homeless, and I was hoping that-- Forget it.
I'm not interested.
Look, all I'm asking is that you let us pick up the food you're gonna throw away.
It'll take overtime from my kitchen staff and-- And extra insurance.
And you know what? Everybody wants something, and there's only so much that I can do.
So if you don't mind Actually, I do mind.
People are digging in the trash outside your restaurant for food, and-- Look, I've got enough to deal with as it is right now.
All right? Now, will you please just get outta here? Whoa.
Whoa.
I don't even wanna be on the same planet when your karma comes back around.
Ow! Oh, God! Oh! Ouch.
God.
[SIGHS.]
Who are you? Earl Garraty.
Uh, I'm-- I'm looking for Nick Salinger.
[SIGHS.]
Is he around? Covalent organic compounds.
We're talking both low melting and low boiling points.
That's low melting and low boiling.
That makes covalent organic compounds different from our friends the Inor-- Jump in anyone.
Inor-gan Inorganic compounds.
Now, to stimulate an organic reaction, we must first find the proper-- The proper cat [GIGGLES.]
Cat Cata Catalyst, people, catalyst! You know, I just did odd jobs for your dad: A little cleaning and a little fix-up here and there.
And he-- He even gave me stuff to do that really didn't need doing, but he knew I needed the cash, so Ah, man, oh, man.
Nick, of all people.
Yeah.
Look, uh, you're welcome to hang out and have some coffee if you want, but I've-- I've kind of got a lot of work to do, so Oh, right.
I'm wasting time.
Uh, where do I start? Start? Yeah.
Hey, I could do a job on that brass for ya.
It's a little bit on the dull side.
No.
Have you got some--? No.
That-- That's okay.
There's gotta be something.
I-I-I could sweep.
I could sweep in here or I could-- I'm not-- I-- I don't have anything.
Well, your father always found something for me to do.
I'm not my father! All right? I can't help you.
I can't help anybody.
I'm sorry, but no.
Could I at least-- I told you, no.
--use the bathroom? [SIGHS.]
I can't come in until you invite me.
I might track in negative forces.
Oh, can't have that.
Come in.
Charlie's room, where he called off the wedding.
That was fun.
This was Bailey's.
Something bad's always happening to him.
Julia's old room at the end.
Miscarriage.
And this is where I found Kirsten crying that time.
She came down here because she thought no one could hear her.
But it went up through the heating ducts, and, well, it sounded like the whole house was sobbing.
Only now she's gone, and it's all my fault, and Charlie hates me.
And I have do something.
There is a vortex of negative forces here, and I'm getting something.
What is this? Some stuff of my parents.
They died three years ago.
I'm sorry.
So you think we need an exorcism? No, nothing that dramatic.
It's gonna be a simple purification ritual.
You'll have to gather a few items from your siblings.
I'm gonna give you a list.
And I'll also need some things from your parents: photos, handwriting samples.
Now, then, I need a few minutes alone so I can tap into the energy of this house.
Um, sure.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
CALLIE: Oh, come on, I bet you'd look cute in tights.
That's not the point.
Damn it! [LAUGHS.]
Whoops.
The point is that I can't believe she's making me do this.
The Pop-Tarts are yours.
Mm.
I'm starting to feel like I got one foot stuck in high school, and that's just-- That's-- These are definitely not mine.
Oh, yeah, well, you never know when you're gonna-- You know, I'll just put these in the bathroom.
So if you guys wanna, you know Yeah.
Right.
There's no danger of that.
Huh? We don't Never mind.
You don't what? [SIGHS.]
Practice safe sex? The safest kind.
Wait a minute.
You mean, you guys--? You guys don't, like--? [SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
Are you a virgin? What? No, I'm not.
I used to with my last girlfriend all the time.
Only-- Look, I-- I really don't wanna talk about this.
So your last girlfriend.
So that's [BOTTLES CLANK.]
You haven't had sex in two years? Do you mind? Sorry.
Well, I'm just-- I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna get out of these clothes.
I can't believe that Sarah's pushing this whole faculty jack-o'-lantern thing.
Does this look anything like Principal Stickley to you? Close enough.
Heh.
Yeah? Good.
Hey, um, you know how you were gonna drive me to the dance and we were gonna hang out and stuff? Uh-huh.
Uh, well, would it be cool with you if, uh--? You asked Robin Chaffey instead? I saw you guys passing notes in Trimble's class.
I say, go for it.
Yeah? You're okay with that? Justin, of course I'm okay with it.
I mean, we're friends now and I-- And I think it's great.
Good.
'Cause I-- I mean, I wanted to tell you, but I-I just didn't know, you know.
We've been out, uh, like, three times.
She's cool.
Oh, and she's funny too.
She-- I mean, she cracks me up.
Really? Wow.
Good sign.
Anyway, um-- Yeah, oh, she did this whole run about how she likes to name everything.
Uh, she named her high tops Luke and Laura.
Then she named her boots Mork and Mindy.
She's crazy, really.
I mean, it was funny when she said it.
You sure you're okay with me telling you this stuff? Absolutely.
Okay.
Good.
'Cause this is too cute.
She said that when she hit puberty, she named her breasts Thelma and Louise.
[FORCED LAUGHTER.]
Is that funny or what? Hysterical.
Um, I'm done.
You ever notice how, like, even when pizza's bad, it's still pretty good.
You know, kind of like sex.
[LAUGHING.]
I'm never telling you anything ever again.
I swear.
Oh, come on, have another beer.
You probably need it.
What? I should study.
Yeah.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
You have a flashlight? No, but I might be able to scare up some candles.
Give me a hand.
Ray was, like, really into this whole earthquake thing.
He kept a bunch of supplies up here.
Uh, I know I saw some up here.
Um Here they are.
Uh, Callie, you should, um Hm? Here.
Your-- Oh, heh.
Sorry.
Wait.
We can't-- I can't do this.
It'll come back to you.
My underwear.
Where's my underwear? I chucked them into the fireplace, I think.
Why so modest? Come here.
No.
I can't believe-- How could--? What was that? W-what just happened here? Gee, I don't know.
Sex? This shouldn't have happened.
This-- This-- This shouldn't have happened.
Sink's running.
I can't hear ya.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
One second.
Hey.
Sarah.
Hey.
God, can you believe it? Pocahontas wasn't ready.
But I got you John Smith and your sword's still in the car.
Well, let's go get it.
Well, you know what, Bailey, if it bothers you that much, it'll never happen again.
Oh, Sarah.
What'll never happen again? Nothing.
Just-- Oh, I, um-- I left some food out in my room.
Now we got a couple roaches.
And Bailey's having a stroke, but it'll never happen again.
Never.
I promise.
God, Bailey.
What? What happened to your hair? Nothing.
[CLANKS.]
Ow! God.
What--? What do you think you're doing? Well, I'm just fixing the latch on this cabinet.
Here.
See? Good as new.
No.
No, look, I told you-- Well, somebody would have had to done it sooner or later.
So I would have done it for Nick, so Unbelievable.
All right.
You know what? Fine.
You win.
Here you go.
Here's a twenty.
I haven't earned that much yet.
Will you please just take it and go.
See, that's something that Nick taught me.
I came in here looking for a handout.
And Nick says, "Well, sure, but maybe you could help me put those shelves up over the bar first.
" So I did.
I felt so good that day, I-- I even gave you a dollar for helping me.
Me? Yeah.
You couldn't have been more than, what? Five? Six? Cute little fella.
In fact, you were standing right there, and you handed me the tools.
I did? I was here? Yeah.
Yeah, your dad used to look after ya when your mother was off playing the fiddle so Heh, I don't remember that.
Look, Charlie, I'm sorry for coming back here like this, but I just couldn't find a job yesterday.
So I figured if I came back and I showed you I was a good worker-- All right.
Um, maybe I can think of something.
Hello, Kyle? Hi, it's Julia.
Uh, Salinger.
You know, from Trig? Right.
Right.
Hi.
No.
No reason.
I was just, um, calling to say hi.
And, uh, listen, Kyle, I have to work at this stupid Halloween dance, and I was just wondering if you wanted to, you know, come with me and hang or something.
You would? Cool, that's-- Mono? Oh.
That's a drag.
BLALOCK: Earth, air, water, fire, salt of the earth, purge this house.
We have to do every room like this? Shh! Eventually.
Salt of the earth, purge this house.
You have serious water damage.
Is there a spell that can take care of it? You need a dry-wall guy.
I'm talking about the stains on the ceiling.
Oh, yeah, We have a leaky roof and we can't afford to fix it right now.
Negative forces.
But when we're done, your luck is gonna change.
Now, then, did you bring me all the things that I asked you to bring me? Right here.
Hair from Julia.
Excellent.
One of my baby teeth.
All right.
A button from one of Charlie's shirts.
Good.
Bailey's sock, and Owen's pacifier.
Perfect.
Now, the pictures and the handwriting samples that you gave me, they will go in here.
They will be sealed by the earth.
You're gonna carry this behind me while I purge the rest of the house.
And that's it? I think by Halloween, you're gonna be home free.
Your dad said he couldn't put it together for you till we finished working.
So next thing we know, here you are coming out of the back room on that damn Big Wheel.
You could barely read, and you put the thing together yourself.
I did that? Yeah.
It was a room full of people, and there you are, you're zipping around in between the tables.
And your dad is chasing after you.
Okay.
Let's give it a shot.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, hey, hey.
No more bump.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Well, this has been great, Charlie.
But we're done, and it's time for me to get out of your hair.
What's your hurry? No hurry.
You've been such a big help to me and we're done, so Well, actually, I was thinking I could use some shelves over the prep table in the kitchen if you're interested.
No, no.
Gary, don't be silly.
Of course I understand.
I just never knew, that's all.
So I-- I hope you and Mike have a great time.
Okay.
Bye.
[SIGHS.]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Julia Oh.
Hey.
Robin, hey.
Uh, you're-- You're meeting Justin here? Oh, no, no.
No, it's Tuesday.
He's got that-- Club thing.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, uh You-- You know, um, actually, I'm kind of glad to run into you without him.
You are? Well, yeah.
I just, um Okay, I hope this isn't too weird or anything, but I just wanna say thanks.
Thanks? Yeah.
For being so great about this, about me and Justin.
Oh, please.
You guys were, like, a major item.
And, frankly, you're kind of a tough act to follow.
Oh, that's nice of you to say, but-- And then Justin tells me how cool you are about us going to the dance.
That means so much to me because, Julia, I am so into him.
I mean, God, he is such a great guy.
Oh.
Stupid me.
Look who I'm telling, huh? Yeah, um, well, I'm-- I'm just really glad you guys are happy.
You know, I should probably be going.
Wait, he is? I-I mean, he told you that? Well, yeah.
Sure.
Robin, it was nice talking to you, but-- Hang on, hang on.
What else did he say exactly? If you don't mind my asking.
Oh, well, he-- He said that you're great and, uh, funny and perfect.
Perfect? No, really? [GIGGLING.]
Oh, wow.
You know, Robin, you've got chocolate on Thelma.
Or is that Louise? Halloween costumes.
So how much is your student discount? Huh? Oh, uh, 20 percent.
There had to be some reason I'm dating you.
I guess.
So, what's next? Hm, it's quiet.
It's a bookstore.
It's nice.
God, you know, I feel-- Feel like I haven't seen you, I've been so busy with this dance and we haven't been alone in, like, forever.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
Anyway, we should-- I'm sorry.
I had onions for lunch.
You're fine.
Look, I can't-- I can't do this now.
Why not? Because we're in a bookstore and there's people all over the place.
I mean, we should probably finish getting these books that you need.
Here, let me see the list.
No.
That was the year that Mom and Dad went as Mr.
Ed, remember? And Charlie was a bum.
A hobo.
Whatever.
Anyway, their costume's still down in the basement.
Great.
It's bad enough I can't get a date, but there's no way I'm going as a horse's butt.
Hey, who spilled the salt? Oh, don't look at me.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.]
Hey, Owen, what are you gonna be for Halloween? A monkey.
WOMAN [ON MACHINE.]
: San Francisco National.
I am trying to reach a Nicholas Salinger-- Oh, man.
Why would someone still--? --about the Visa account you opened yesterday.
Yesterday? There's been a lot of activity on this account, and we need to verify a few rather sizable purchases you made this evening.
So if you could please just give us a call back here, the numberis 1-800 But the account's been closed, right? It's still active.
That way if anyone tries to use it again, it'll make it that much easier for us to pick 'em up.
It was so weird hearing Dad's name on the machine like that.
Almost like a ghost or something.
I can't believe anybody would do this to us.
All it takes is a social security number and a little know-how.
Yeah, but it's been three years since he died.
I mean, why now? Have you thrown out any of his papers recently? Uh, old bills, bank statements, anything like that? No.
We kept most of that stuff.
It's down in the basement.
Anybody been down there unsupervised? Workers? Repairmen? We had a water heater installed a few weeks ago.
What was the name of that company, Claud? Huh? The water-heater guys? Oh, it-- It might not have been them.
There was somebody else? Well, yeah.
There was this guy.
What guy? Nobody.
Just this, um, um, exorcist.
Excuse me.
May I help you? Um, yeah.
I wanna rent these.
WOMAN: For sale only.
No rentals, no returns, for obvious reasons.
What happened to Snow White and Prince Charming? They lived happily ever after? The costumes.
Snow White and Prince Charming, they were right here yesterday.
Rented.
I have a couple of dwarfs left.
Happy, Dopey-- No.
I need Snow White and Prince Charming.
Was I speaking French? Look, you don't understand.
I have to be Prince Charming! Look, look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay? It's just, I did, like, the worst thing I could have possibly done to somebody that I really love.
And I didn't mean to do it.
And it just-- It just happened.
And this sounds totally insane to you.
I know.
But the only way that I can make up for it is to be Prince Charming.
Try the yellow pages.
We're not the only costume shop in town, you know.
JUSTIN: Look, I'm sorry.
Please, this is not the time.
We'll talk.
No.
Just go.
TRIMBLE: Reversible reactions.
If we sulfinate napthalene by adding sulfonic acid or the SO3H functional group, we can obtain two different, separate, distinct chemical products.
At a temperature of 80 degrees Celsius, we get a rate of reaction that is much faster at the alpha position.
Are you with me? People? [SNIFFS.]
Something burning? They said they made an arrest.
I mean, it's not like we have to pay for anything he bought, so all we have do is just go in there and make our statement-- Claudia, I can't believe you did something so stupid.
I can't believe you let a total stranger in our house with nobody there except Owen and you.
He wasn't a stranger.
He was on TV.
And besides, I mean, I was only trying to help, Charlie.
And I swear, everybody's just so unhappy right now.
So you hired an exorcist? That's-- I thought you had a brain, Claudia.
You knew you don't go around trusting strangers like that.
Hey, isn't that--? What's he doing here? Wait a minute.
You think he's--? I gave him the key to the cabinet so he could fix the drawer, and he must have-- Oh, man, what an idiot.
Yeah.
I mean, how could he--? No, Claud.
I meant me.
Snow White and Prince Charming.
I had to drive all the way to the East Bay to get these.
The least you could do is "ooh" and "ahh" a little.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, come on, Sarah.
Look, I'm s-- I'm sorry about last night.
I was in a mood.
Look, Bailey, I-I know what's going on.
Goin' on? Nothing's goin' on.
Look, don't lie to me, okay? 'Cause it's only gonna make it worst.
Lie to you? Why would I lie to you? I mean, I should've seen it coming.
You're in college now, and-- And I'm still stuck in high school.
Okay.
Look, Sarah, I can explain.
So I can't blame you for being mad at me.
Mad at you? Yeah.
I'm practically forcing you to go to this stupid dance, and it's so totally high school.
I mean, like you'd wanna go.
So you know what? You don't have to.
It's okay.
I mean, that's it, right? No.
I mean, yes, it was.
I admit that, but this dance thing, it's not silly.
You know, it's-- It's your life right now.
And I know I've been a creep about it, but this is important to you, and-- And you're important to me.
And so it's important that we do this together.
Like really, really important.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sometimes I don't think I deserve you, you know that? [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Look, I know you're mad.
She won't even talk to me, you know that? One stupid mistake and now she's acting like I shot her dog.
I know.
I know.
And I'm really sorry.
I don't even know what came over me.
I mean, she was just there and rattling on and on about how great and wonderful you were, and I just-- I snapped.
Julia, what--? I shouldn't have used the whole Thelma and Louise thing to hurt her.
Hey.
Hey.
What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about why Robin's mad at you, because I made some catty remark about her boobs, and I'm not proud of it.
That's not why she's mad at me.
It isn't? No.
She tells everybody about Thelma and Louise.
So--? So why is she mad at you? She's mad at me because No.
You know what? That's between Robin and me.
That's actually none of your business.
Okay.
Okay.
You're right.
But you did that? You actually did something that selfish and heinous on purpose? I mean, why would you--? The-- The fact that you would wanna screw things up for me.
Man, that's-- Justin-- What is it, Julia? I mean, y-you really think that you're still that important? How's the toe? Hurts like hell.
You--? You need me to bring you some ice or something? You don't remember seeing any old pictures of me with a Big Wheel, do you? I don't think so.
Why? I'm trying to find out if I ever had one.
I don't remember, and I'd kind of like to know.
I'll help you look.
[SIGHS.]
I can't believe he'd do that to us.
Well, I mean, to you.
What a creep.
So, what's a Big Wheel look like, anyway? I don't know what I'm looking for or what I'm doing anymore.
I guess I just [SIGHS.]
[***.]
It's hard enough to let people in.
And then-- Then you try to-- To help them or-- Or you love them and-- And you try so hard to make this connection, and then it's just [SIGHS.]
You end up with nothing.
So why bother? What's the point of even trying? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Whoops.
Sorry.
Could I get some privacy, please.
It's not like you have anything I haven't seen before.
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
This is funny to you now? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, in a twisted, cruel sort of way.
Yeah, a little.
Yeah, well, it's not.
Okay? Look, what happened between us, what we did-- Uh-huh? That was a mistake.
Yes.
There's-- There's some kind of attraction or whatever.
But I have a girlfriend, and I love her very much.
Has that changed? No.
So then why are you so bent out of shape? Bailey, big deal.
Heh.
It happened.
We were careful.
Okay, in case you're worried, I get tested every three months and-- And so should you.
You know, I mean, if you're gonna be-- No.
No.
See, I'm not.
Okay, that's not who I am.
Look, y-you seduced me.
Whoa.
Seduced you? Yeah.
I don't do things like that.
Yeah.
Well, obviously, you do.
And you know what? If it hadn't been me, it would've been somebody, 'cause you were ready for it, Bailey.
So don't you dare try to blame me 'cause you're not happy with Sarah.
Don't you even try.
[SCOFFS.]
Prince Charming, huh? That's a good one.
[CLAUDIA SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMING.]
Claud-- [SCREAMING.]
What's going on? You gave me a heart attack.
What the hell? Look at it, Charlie.
Look at it.
Read it.
Can you believe that, Charlie? Can you? Look at the date.
November 15th.
Can you believe that, Charlie? It gives us, what? Like, two weeks? Two weeks for what? What? It's a warranty for the roof.
Where'd you get this? I was in the basement looking for something to use as a cape, and I was going through that box of Mom and Dad's stuff, the one the exorcist guy said he got a good vibe from.
And there it was.
Can you believe it? That proves it, Charlie.
He said by Halloween our luck would change and it did.
It did.
And see, we're gonna be able to fix the roof and-- It's just a lucky coincidence, Claud.
I told you there's no such thing.
Oh, Charlie, how much more proof do you need? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Trick-or-treaters.
Man, we should play the lottery tonight.
Come on, Owen.
[GIGGLES.]
Claudia.
I gotta go talk to her.
I can't let her go around believing that stuff.
Why not? Charlie, God, w-what's the big deal? Because life's not that simple.
She's gotta know that she was cheated and lied to and taken advantage of.
She doesn't think she was.
So, what's she gonna do from now on? Throw salt in the corner every time something bad happens? You know what? I'd love to believe that too, but it doesn't work that way.
Charlie, I-I know things suck for you lately and-- And they kind of suck for me too.
But we're responsible for her.
And you know what? So what? Who cares? She thinks that she did this really great thing for us.
And-- And she's thinking that's, like, pretty cool.
And-- And she's feeling really good about it.
And let her have that.
I mean, wouldn't it be great to feel that good? SARAH [OVER PA.]
: So everybody, uh, remember to vote for best costume.
Oh, oh, oh, and don't forget to have your souvenir pictures.
Only-- Only $5 in the cemetery.
Thanks.
JUSTIN: Hey, Sarah.
Sarah.
All right, these are the last two: Mr.
Peppers and Miss Humphries.
Where do you want 'em? What? Where do you want 'em? Um, over there with the others.
Hey, have you seen Bailey? No.
Can I go home now? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
* And I become invisible * [LAUGHS.]
One word and you die.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, Justin, you want some help? No.
[SIGHS.]
You're welcome.
Hey, Nance, can you cover for me? [CHATTER.]
Hey, there you are.
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I-- I got-- Traffic.
God.
God, you-- You look like a fantasy.
Wow.
People were staring at me in my jeep.
Only 'cause you look so handsome.
Hee-hee.
And me? You look like Snow White.
[CHUCKLES.]
So anybody spike the punch yet? Excuse me.
You here to soap my windows? Actually, um, I heard you had a little run-in with my evil twin the other day.
I'm here to apologize.
I don't do cute, all right? And I was just on my way out.
Wait a second.
Please, just-- Just give me a second here.
I know that I was a total jerk the other day.
I know that.
And-- And I'm sorry.
But, um, I've been through some stuff lately, and-- And that's not your problem, and I'm not looking for any sympathy.
But I brought some food.
Um, basil manicotti and artichokes.
It's in my truck.
Look, it's late.
Uh, my drivers have already left.
I don't wanna hear this right now, okay? Right now, I just-- I-- I need to do this.
I want to do this.
Please.
[SIGHS.]
I guess we can put it in the fridge.
You need a hand? Yeah.
Heh.
Actually, I could use a little help.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
Great costume.
Wish I'd thought of that.
What do you want? Nothing.
I was just thinking we should've come as Thelma and Louise.
It would've made Justin's head explode.
Do you think that's funny? Sorry.
This was kind of last minute.
I'm supposed to be a Gypsy fortune teller.
Heh.
You want me to read your palm? No.
I'm pretty good.
Here.
Oh.
What's this? Wow.
Big fight with someone.
Wow.
I'm so impressed.
And-- And this is interesting.
The guy you're fighting with i-is, like, totally nuts about you.
Julia, why are you doing this? Because whatever he said or did, he's not the kind of guy who He would never do something to hurt you on purpose.
So it had to be a mistake.
And he doesn't make many.
Besides, knowing Justin, he'll feel so guilty that you can milk it for days.
God, he just-- He made me so mad, you know? Well, if you ever wanna get back at him, this is what you do.
BAILEY: No.
I'm just saying, you spike the punch, you'll make more money.
People get a buzz on, they get generous.
Yeah, and Miss Stickley shuts us down.
This is not a frat party, Bailey.
It's a charity dance.
Oh, so-- So that means what? That we can't have any fun? I was having fun.
Right.
Right.
Sorry.
Fun.
This is-- This is fun.
Definitely.
My legs itch.
Great.
Nobody's doing pictures.
What? Well, come on, maybe if they see us.
Wait-- Wait a second.
I don't know.
Five bucks for a Polaroid? That's why nobody's doing it.
It's for charity.
It's a rip-off.
God.
God, you know, what is with you? I mean, one minute you're renting costumes and making speeches about how important this is.
And the next, you're acting like you're doing me some huge favor by even being here.
I've got news for you.
You're not doing anybody any favors.
You're just acting like a royal pain in the ass.
Hey, I'm only here because you guilted me into coming.
What? Yeah.
What? No.
You said that this was import-- Look, I told you that if you didn't wanna be here, just say so.
I don't want to be here.
I don't wanna be anywhere near here.
What is with you? Why are you being such a bastard? I don't know.
I guess it's just who I am.
* Today * * Today * [MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
* Back when I was alive You came * * And won my heart With a smile * * Cracked it open and said * * "I think I'll stay For a while" * * Now you're holding A smoking gun * Sorry.
I-- Rob, hey, c-cool costume.
Pimp? Lounge lizard.
Oh.
Heh.
* You lift me up * [SIGHS.]
* Crash against the rocks * I-I love this song.
You wanna dance? Heh.
* You tear me open * * Let me bleed * * Out on the leaves * * Lost and alone * * Your heart's like stone * * But there's no changing it * [MOUTHS.]
Thank you.
Um, everybody, there's-- There's no waiting for pictures.
No waiting for pictures.
* Couldn't you be More patient with me? * * Couldn't you be more kind? * Bailey.
Huh? Sorry.
You just-- You looked like you were having some sort of a private moment.
I just wanted you to know I was standing here.
Anyway, I'm-- I'm just-- I'm gonna go.
Um, wait a second.
Wait.
Actually, I'm kind of glad you're here.
You are? Yeah.
'Cause Y-you have another one of those? [CHUCKLES.]
There's a six-pack in the fridge.
Good.
Good, 'cause I could use one right about now.
Do you maybe wanna, um--? Do you wanna sit down and talk or something? Um, actually, I-- 'Cause, listen, I owe you a big apology.
[DOOR OPENS.]
MAN: Hey, Cal, what, are you growing your own hops in here or--? Oh, excuse me.
Sorry, Brent.
Roommate stuff.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
CALLIE: I'll be right there, okay? Thanks.
[SIGHS.]
Sorry.
I didn't know.
Bailey.
[***.]
[SIGHS.]
* You lift me up * * And let me crash * * Against the rocks * * Calling your name * * You tear me open * * Let me bleed * * Out on the leaves * * Lost and alone * [***.]
: Had a run of bad luck lately? Well, when bad things happen to good people, blame the evil eye, or so says Dr.
Aiden Blalock of Hex-Be-Gone Services.
Damn it.
Hey, Claud, can you hand me the pliers? Hang on.
This is really interesting.
MAN: As Halloween approaches, Dr.
Blalock says the demand for his services is at an all-time high.
Claudia! Services which include hex lift, ghost-busting Will you just--? Do I have to do everything around here? Sorry.
Sorry.
[TV CLICKS OFF.]
I'm sorry.
Maybe that's our problem.
Maybe there's a hex on our family.
I mean, when was the last time anything good happened around here? Hurry up.
My arm's cramping.
I mean, think about it.
It's always something sad.
Now that Kirsten's gone, the whole house just seems empty and awful.
I don't wanna talk about it? [SIGHS.]
Shouldn't you call a qualified professional for this? I called a roofer.
He wanted 10 grand to fix the roof and do the repairs, which we don't have.
It's another headache that I'm stuck with it.
And you say we're not jinxed.
Will you stop it? There's no such thing as jinxes or hexes or curses.
It's all just a bunch of-- [SCREAMS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Charlie, are you okay? Are you hurt? [GRUNTING.]
Man.
See what I mean? [THUNDER CRASHES.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FIVE" PLAYING.]
* Everybody wants to live * * Like they wanna live * * And everybody wants to love * * Like they wanna love * * Everybody wants to be * * Closer to free-ee-ee-ee * * Closer to free * [BELL DINGS.]
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
No.
I'm just saying Halloween costumes should be simple to nonexistent.
That's all.
Here.
Couple nails through the head and we're outta here.
Bailey, I can't MC a costume contest with a nail through my head.
I'm in charge of this dance.
You know, I have to look like I at least tried.
Okay, okay.
But do we have to go all out here? Here.
I got it.
Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible.
Bailey, can't you at least support me in this? Come on, I went to that Three Stooges festival with you.
Five solid hours of "nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
" That was different.
That was-- That was culture.
Yeah.
And this is charity.
I know.
I know.
The children's clinic and that's good but What? [GASPS.]
Snow White and Prince Charming.
You're not-- Wait a minute.
You're not-- No.
No.
Of course not.
I mean, not for us.
No.
No.
It's just-- Look, don't laugh, okay, but, I mean, ever since I was aware, I've wanted to be Snow White for Halloween.
And can you imagine? Ick, ick, gah.
I know.
I know.
It's just, I've never had a-- A wonderful, handsome boyfriend to be my Prince Charming.
So it's kind of like this lifelong childhood dream I never got to realize.
It's kind of sad if you think about it.
I'm glad you got over it.
Keep looking.
Listen, Meg, no, your parents didn't.
I just wanna talk to Kirsten, okay? Then can you at least give her a message for me? Tell her that I love her, okay? Meg.
Hello? Hello? God-- [SIGHS.]
[PHONE BEEPS.]
I'm sorry, um, but we're not open yet.
I know.
I'm Grace Wilcox from the Harvest program.
I called last week.
Anyway, we pick up leftover food from restaurants to feed the homeless, and I was hoping that-- Forget it.
I'm not interested.
Look, all I'm asking is that you let us pick up the food you're gonna throw away.
It'll take overtime from my kitchen staff and-- And extra insurance.
And you know what? Everybody wants something, and there's only so much that I can do.
So if you don't mind Actually, I do mind.
People are digging in the trash outside your restaurant for food, and-- Look, I've got enough to deal with as it is right now.
All right? Now, will you please just get outta here? Whoa.
Whoa.
I don't even wanna be on the same planet when your karma comes back around.
Ow! Oh, God! Oh! Ouch.
God.
[SIGHS.]
Who are you? Earl Garraty.
Uh, I'm-- I'm looking for Nick Salinger.
[SIGHS.]
Is he around? Covalent organic compounds.
We're talking both low melting and low boiling points.
That's low melting and low boiling.
That makes covalent organic compounds different from our friends the Inor-- Jump in anyone.
Inor-gan Inorganic compounds.
Now, to stimulate an organic reaction, we must first find the proper-- The proper cat [GIGGLES.]
Cat Cata Catalyst, people, catalyst! You know, I just did odd jobs for your dad: A little cleaning and a little fix-up here and there.
And he-- He even gave me stuff to do that really didn't need doing, but he knew I needed the cash, so Ah, man, oh, man.
Nick, of all people.
Yeah.
Look, uh, you're welcome to hang out and have some coffee if you want, but I've-- I've kind of got a lot of work to do, so Oh, right.
I'm wasting time.
Uh, where do I start? Start? Yeah.
Hey, I could do a job on that brass for ya.
It's a little bit on the dull side.
No.
Have you got some--? No.
That-- That's okay.
There's gotta be something.
I-I-I could sweep.
I could sweep in here or I could-- I'm not-- I-- I don't have anything.
Well, your father always found something for me to do.
I'm not my father! All right? I can't help you.
I can't help anybody.
I'm sorry, but no.
Could I at least-- I told you, no.
--use the bathroom? [SIGHS.]
I can't come in until you invite me.
I might track in negative forces.
Oh, can't have that.
Come in.
Charlie's room, where he called off the wedding.
That was fun.
This was Bailey's.
Something bad's always happening to him.
Julia's old room at the end.
Miscarriage.
And this is where I found Kirsten crying that time.
She came down here because she thought no one could hear her.
But it went up through the heating ducts, and, well, it sounded like the whole house was sobbing.
Only now she's gone, and it's all my fault, and Charlie hates me.
And I have do something.
There is a vortex of negative forces here, and I'm getting something.
What is this? Some stuff of my parents.
They died three years ago.
I'm sorry.
So you think we need an exorcism? No, nothing that dramatic.
It's gonna be a simple purification ritual.
You'll have to gather a few items from your siblings.
I'm gonna give you a list.
And I'll also need some things from your parents: photos, handwriting samples.
Now, then, I need a few minutes alone so I can tap into the energy of this house.
Um, sure.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
CALLIE: Oh, come on, I bet you'd look cute in tights.
That's not the point.
Damn it! [LAUGHS.]
Whoops.
The point is that I can't believe she's making me do this.
The Pop-Tarts are yours.
Mm.
I'm starting to feel like I got one foot stuck in high school, and that's just-- That's-- These are definitely not mine.
Oh, yeah, well, you never know when you're gonna-- You know, I'll just put these in the bathroom.
So if you guys wanna, you know Yeah.
Right.
There's no danger of that.
Huh? We don't Never mind.
You don't what? [SIGHS.]
Practice safe sex? The safest kind.
Wait a minute.
You mean, you guys--? You guys don't, like--? [SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
Are you a virgin? What? No, I'm not.
I used to with my last girlfriend all the time.
Only-- Look, I-- I really don't wanna talk about this.
So your last girlfriend.
So that's [BOTTLES CLANK.]
You haven't had sex in two years? Do you mind? Sorry.
Well, I'm just-- I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna get out of these clothes.
I can't believe that Sarah's pushing this whole faculty jack-o'-lantern thing.
Does this look anything like Principal Stickley to you? Close enough.
Heh.
Yeah? Good.
Hey, um, you know how you were gonna drive me to the dance and we were gonna hang out and stuff? Uh-huh.
Uh, well, would it be cool with you if, uh--? You asked Robin Chaffey instead? I saw you guys passing notes in Trimble's class.
I say, go for it.
Yeah? You're okay with that? Justin, of course I'm okay with it.
I mean, we're friends now and I-- And I think it's great.
Good.
'Cause I-- I mean, I wanted to tell you, but I-I just didn't know, you know.
We've been out, uh, like, three times.
She's cool.
Oh, and she's funny too.
She-- I mean, she cracks me up.
Really? Wow.
Good sign.
Anyway, um-- Yeah, oh, she did this whole run about how she likes to name everything.
Uh, she named her high tops Luke and Laura.
Then she named her boots Mork and Mindy.
She's crazy, really.
I mean, it was funny when she said it.
You sure you're okay with me telling you this stuff? Absolutely.
Okay.
Good.
'Cause this is too cute.
She said that when she hit puberty, she named her breasts Thelma and Louise.
[FORCED LAUGHTER.]
Is that funny or what? Hysterical.
Um, I'm done.
You ever notice how, like, even when pizza's bad, it's still pretty good.
You know, kind of like sex.
[LAUGHING.]
I'm never telling you anything ever again.
I swear.
Oh, come on, have another beer.
You probably need it.
What? I should study.
Yeah.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
You have a flashlight? No, but I might be able to scare up some candles.
Give me a hand.
Ray was, like, really into this whole earthquake thing.
He kept a bunch of supplies up here.
Uh, I know I saw some up here.
Um Here they are.
Uh, Callie, you should, um Hm? Here.
Your-- Oh, heh.
Sorry.
Wait.
We can't-- I can't do this.
It'll come back to you.
My underwear.
Where's my underwear? I chucked them into the fireplace, I think.
Why so modest? Come here.
No.
I can't believe-- How could--? What was that? W-what just happened here? Gee, I don't know.
Sex? This shouldn't have happened.
This-- This-- This shouldn't have happened.
Sink's running.
I can't hear ya.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
One second.
Hey.
Sarah.
Hey.
God, can you believe it? Pocahontas wasn't ready.
But I got you John Smith and your sword's still in the car.
Well, let's go get it.
Well, you know what, Bailey, if it bothers you that much, it'll never happen again.
Oh, Sarah.
What'll never happen again? Nothing.
Just-- Oh, I, um-- I left some food out in my room.
Now we got a couple roaches.
And Bailey's having a stroke, but it'll never happen again.
Never.
I promise.
God, Bailey.
What? What happened to your hair? Nothing.
[CLANKS.]
Ow! God.
What--? What do you think you're doing? Well, I'm just fixing the latch on this cabinet.
Here.
See? Good as new.
No.
No, look, I told you-- Well, somebody would have had to done it sooner or later.
So I would have done it for Nick, so Unbelievable.
All right.
You know what? Fine.
You win.
Here you go.
Here's a twenty.
I haven't earned that much yet.
Will you please just take it and go.
See, that's something that Nick taught me.
I came in here looking for a handout.
And Nick says, "Well, sure, but maybe you could help me put those shelves up over the bar first.
" So I did.
I felt so good that day, I-- I even gave you a dollar for helping me.
Me? Yeah.
You couldn't have been more than, what? Five? Six? Cute little fella.
In fact, you were standing right there, and you handed me the tools.
I did? I was here? Yeah.
Yeah, your dad used to look after ya when your mother was off playing the fiddle so Heh, I don't remember that.
Look, Charlie, I'm sorry for coming back here like this, but I just couldn't find a job yesterday.
So I figured if I came back and I showed you I was a good worker-- All right.
Um, maybe I can think of something.
Hello, Kyle? Hi, it's Julia.
Uh, Salinger.
You know, from Trig? Right.
Right.
Hi.
No.
No reason.
I was just, um, calling to say hi.
And, uh, listen, Kyle, I have to work at this stupid Halloween dance, and I was just wondering if you wanted to, you know, come with me and hang or something.
You would? Cool, that's-- Mono? Oh.
That's a drag.
BLALOCK: Earth, air, water, fire, salt of the earth, purge this house.
We have to do every room like this? Shh! Eventually.
Salt of the earth, purge this house.
You have serious water damage.
Is there a spell that can take care of it? You need a dry-wall guy.
I'm talking about the stains on the ceiling.
Oh, yeah, We have a leaky roof and we can't afford to fix it right now.
Negative forces.
But when we're done, your luck is gonna change.
Now, then, did you bring me all the things that I asked you to bring me? Right here.
Hair from Julia.
Excellent.
One of my baby teeth.
All right.
A button from one of Charlie's shirts.
Good.
Bailey's sock, and Owen's pacifier.
Perfect.
Now, the pictures and the handwriting samples that you gave me, they will go in here.
They will be sealed by the earth.
You're gonna carry this behind me while I purge the rest of the house.
And that's it? I think by Halloween, you're gonna be home free.
Your dad said he couldn't put it together for you till we finished working.
So next thing we know, here you are coming out of the back room on that damn Big Wheel.
You could barely read, and you put the thing together yourself.
I did that? Yeah.
It was a room full of people, and there you are, you're zipping around in between the tables.
And your dad is chasing after you.
Okay.
Let's give it a shot.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, hey, hey.
No more bump.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Well, this has been great, Charlie.
But we're done, and it's time for me to get out of your hair.
What's your hurry? No hurry.
You've been such a big help to me and we're done, so Well, actually, I was thinking I could use some shelves over the prep table in the kitchen if you're interested.
No, no.
Gary, don't be silly.
Of course I understand.
I just never knew, that's all.
So I-- I hope you and Mike have a great time.
Okay.
Bye.
[SIGHS.]
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Julia Oh.
Hey.
Robin, hey.
Uh, you're-- You're meeting Justin here? Oh, no, no.
No, it's Tuesday.
He's got that-- Club thing.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, uh You-- You know, um, actually, I'm kind of glad to run into you without him.
You are? Well, yeah.
I just, um Okay, I hope this isn't too weird or anything, but I just wanna say thanks.
Thanks? Yeah.
For being so great about this, about me and Justin.
Oh, please.
You guys were, like, a major item.
And, frankly, you're kind of a tough act to follow.
Oh, that's nice of you to say, but-- And then Justin tells me how cool you are about us going to the dance.
That means so much to me because, Julia, I am so into him.
I mean, God, he is such a great guy.
Oh.
Stupid me.
Look who I'm telling, huh? Yeah, um, well, I'm-- I'm just really glad you guys are happy.
You know, I should probably be going.
Wait, he is? I-I mean, he told you that? Well, yeah.
Sure.
Robin, it was nice talking to you, but-- Hang on, hang on.
What else did he say exactly? If you don't mind my asking.
Oh, well, he-- He said that you're great and, uh, funny and perfect.
Perfect? No, really? [GIGGLING.]
Oh, wow.
You know, Robin, you've got chocolate on Thelma.
Or is that Louise? Halloween costumes.
So how much is your student discount? Huh? Oh, uh, 20 percent.
There had to be some reason I'm dating you.
I guess.
So, what's next? Hm, it's quiet.
It's a bookstore.
It's nice.
God, you know, I feel-- Feel like I haven't seen you, I've been so busy with this dance and we haven't been alone in, like, forever.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
Anyway, we should-- I'm sorry.
I had onions for lunch.
You're fine.
Look, I can't-- I can't do this now.
Why not? Because we're in a bookstore and there's people all over the place.
I mean, we should probably finish getting these books that you need.
Here, let me see the list.
No.
That was the year that Mom and Dad went as Mr.
Ed, remember? And Charlie was a bum.
A hobo.
Whatever.
Anyway, their costume's still down in the basement.
Great.
It's bad enough I can't get a date, but there's no way I'm going as a horse's butt.
Hey, who spilled the salt? Oh, don't look at me.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.]
Hey, Owen, what are you gonna be for Halloween? A monkey.
WOMAN [ON MACHINE.]
: San Francisco National.
I am trying to reach a Nicholas Salinger-- Oh, man.
Why would someone still--? --about the Visa account you opened yesterday.
Yesterday? There's been a lot of activity on this account, and we need to verify a few rather sizable purchases you made this evening.
So if you could please just give us a call back here, the numberis 1-800 But the account's been closed, right? It's still active.
That way if anyone tries to use it again, it'll make it that much easier for us to pick 'em up.
It was so weird hearing Dad's name on the machine like that.
Almost like a ghost or something.
I can't believe anybody would do this to us.
All it takes is a social security number and a little know-how.
Yeah, but it's been three years since he died.
I mean, why now? Have you thrown out any of his papers recently? Uh, old bills, bank statements, anything like that? No.
We kept most of that stuff.
It's down in the basement.
Anybody been down there unsupervised? Workers? Repairmen? We had a water heater installed a few weeks ago.
What was the name of that company, Claud? Huh? The water-heater guys? Oh, it-- It might not have been them.
There was somebody else? Well, yeah.
There was this guy.
What guy? Nobody.
Just this, um, um, exorcist.
Excuse me.
May I help you? Um, yeah.
I wanna rent these.
WOMAN: For sale only.
No rentals, no returns, for obvious reasons.
What happened to Snow White and Prince Charming? They lived happily ever after? The costumes.
Snow White and Prince Charming, they were right here yesterday.
Rented.
I have a couple of dwarfs left.
Happy, Dopey-- No.
I need Snow White and Prince Charming.
Was I speaking French? Look, you don't understand.
I have to be Prince Charming! Look, look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay? It's just, I did, like, the worst thing I could have possibly done to somebody that I really love.
And I didn't mean to do it.
And it just-- It just happened.
And this sounds totally insane to you.
I know.
But the only way that I can make up for it is to be Prince Charming.
Try the yellow pages.
We're not the only costume shop in town, you know.
JUSTIN: Look, I'm sorry.
Please, this is not the time.
We'll talk.
No.
Just go.
TRIMBLE: Reversible reactions.
If we sulfinate napthalene by adding sulfonic acid or the SO3H functional group, we can obtain two different, separate, distinct chemical products.
At a temperature of 80 degrees Celsius, we get a rate of reaction that is much faster at the alpha position.
Are you with me? People? [SNIFFS.]
Something burning? They said they made an arrest.
I mean, it's not like we have to pay for anything he bought, so all we have do is just go in there and make our statement-- Claudia, I can't believe you did something so stupid.
I can't believe you let a total stranger in our house with nobody there except Owen and you.
He wasn't a stranger.
He was on TV.
And besides, I mean, I was only trying to help, Charlie.
And I swear, everybody's just so unhappy right now.
So you hired an exorcist? That's-- I thought you had a brain, Claudia.
You knew you don't go around trusting strangers like that.
Hey, isn't that--? What's he doing here? Wait a minute.
You think he's--? I gave him the key to the cabinet so he could fix the drawer, and he must have-- Oh, man, what an idiot.
Yeah.
I mean, how could he--? No, Claud.
I meant me.
Snow White and Prince Charming.
I had to drive all the way to the East Bay to get these.
The least you could do is "ooh" and "ahh" a little.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, come on, Sarah.
Look, I'm s-- I'm sorry about last night.
I was in a mood.
Look, Bailey, I-I know what's going on.
Goin' on? Nothing's goin' on.
Look, don't lie to me, okay? 'Cause it's only gonna make it worst.
Lie to you? Why would I lie to you? I mean, I should've seen it coming.
You're in college now, and-- And I'm still stuck in high school.
Okay.
Look, Sarah, I can explain.
So I can't blame you for being mad at me.
Mad at you? Yeah.
I'm practically forcing you to go to this stupid dance, and it's so totally high school.
I mean, like you'd wanna go.
So you know what? You don't have to.
It's okay.
I mean, that's it, right? No.
I mean, yes, it was.
I admit that, but this dance thing, it's not silly.
You know, it's-- It's your life right now.
And I know I've been a creep about it, but this is important to you, and-- And you're important to me.
And so it's important that we do this together.
Like really, really important.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sometimes I don't think I deserve you, you know that? [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Look, I know you're mad.
She won't even talk to me, you know that? One stupid mistake and now she's acting like I shot her dog.
I know.
I know.
And I'm really sorry.
I don't even know what came over me.
I mean, she was just there and rattling on and on about how great and wonderful you were, and I just-- I snapped.
Julia, what--? I shouldn't have used the whole Thelma and Louise thing to hurt her.
Hey.
Hey.
What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about why Robin's mad at you, because I made some catty remark about her boobs, and I'm not proud of it.
That's not why she's mad at me.
It isn't? No.
She tells everybody about Thelma and Louise.
So--? So why is she mad at you? She's mad at me because No.
You know what? That's between Robin and me.
That's actually none of your business.
Okay.
Okay.
You're right.
But you did that? You actually did something that selfish and heinous on purpose? I mean, why would you--? The-- The fact that you would wanna screw things up for me.
Man, that's-- Justin-- What is it, Julia? I mean, y-you really think that you're still that important? How's the toe? Hurts like hell.
You--? You need me to bring you some ice or something? You don't remember seeing any old pictures of me with a Big Wheel, do you? I don't think so.
Why? I'm trying to find out if I ever had one.
I don't remember, and I'd kind of like to know.
I'll help you look.
[SIGHS.]
I can't believe he'd do that to us.
Well, I mean, to you.
What a creep.
So, what's a Big Wheel look like, anyway? I don't know what I'm looking for or what I'm doing anymore.
I guess I just [SIGHS.]
[***.]
It's hard enough to let people in.
And then-- Then you try to-- To help them or-- Or you love them and-- And you try so hard to make this connection, and then it's just [SIGHS.]
You end up with nothing.
So why bother? What's the point of even trying? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Whoops.
Sorry.
Could I get some privacy, please.
It's not like you have anything I haven't seen before.
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
This is funny to you now? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, in a twisted, cruel sort of way.
Yeah, a little.
Yeah, well, it's not.
Okay? Look, what happened between us, what we did-- Uh-huh? That was a mistake.
Yes.
There's-- There's some kind of attraction or whatever.
But I have a girlfriend, and I love her very much.
Has that changed? No.
So then why are you so bent out of shape? Bailey, big deal.
Heh.
It happened.
We were careful.
Okay, in case you're worried, I get tested every three months and-- And so should you.
You know, I mean, if you're gonna be-- No.
No.
See, I'm not.
Okay, that's not who I am.
Look, y-you seduced me.
Whoa.
Seduced you? Yeah.
I don't do things like that.
Yeah.
Well, obviously, you do.
And you know what? If it hadn't been me, it would've been somebody, 'cause you were ready for it, Bailey.
So don't you dare try to blame me 'cause you're not happy with Sarah.
Don't you even try.
[SCOFFS.]
Prince Charming, huh? That's a good one.
[CLAUDIA SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMING.]
Claud-- [SCREAMING.]
What's going on? You gave me a heart attack.
What the hell? Look at it, Charlie.
Look at it.
Read it.
Can you believe that, Charlie? Can you? Look at the date.
November 15th.
Can you believe that, Charlie? It gives us, what? Like, two weeks? Two weeks for what? What? It's a warranty for the roof.
Where'd you get this? I was in the basement looking for something to use as a cape, and I was going through that box of Mom and Dad's stuff, the one the exorcist guy said he got a good vibe from.
And there it was.
Can you believe it? That proves it, Charlie.
He said by Halloween our luck would change and it did.
It did.
And see, we're gonna be able to fix the roof and-- It's just a lucky coincidence, Claud.
I told you there's no such thing.
Oh, Charlie, how much more proof do you need? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Trick-or-treaters.
Man, we should play the lottery tonight.
Come on, Owen.
[GIGGLES.]
Claudia.
I gotta go talk to her.
I can't let her go around believing that stuff.
Why not? Charlie, God, w-what's the big deal? Because life's not that simple.
She's gotta know that she was cheated and lied to and taken advantage of.
She doesn't think she was.
So, what's she gonna do from now on? Throw salt in the corner every time something bad happens? You know what? I'd love to believe that too, but it doesn't work that way.
Charlie, I-I know things suck for you lately and-- And they kind of suck for me too.
But we're responsible for her.
And you know what? So what? Who cares? She thinks that she did this really great thing for us.
And-- And she's thinking that's, like, pretty cool.
And-- And she's feeling really good about it.
And let her have that.
I mean, wouldn't it be great to feel that good? SARAH [OVER PA.]
: So everybody, uh, remember to vote for best costume.
Oh, oh, oh, and don't forget to have your souvenir pictures.
Only-- Only $5 in the cemetery.
Thanks.
JUSTIN: Hey, Sarah.
Sarah.
All right, these are the last two: Mr.
Peppers and Miss Humphries.
Where do you want 'em? What? Where do you want 'em? Um, over there with the others.
Hey, have you seen Bailey? No.
Can I go home now? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
* And I become invisible * [LAUGHS.]
One word and you die.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, Justin, you want some help? No.
[SIGHS.]
You're welcome.
Hey, Nance, can you cover for me? [CHATTER.]
Hey, there you are.
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I-- I got-- Traffic.
God.
God, you-- You look like a fantasy.
Wow.
People were staring at me in my jeep.
Only 'cause you look so handsome.
Hee-hee.
And me? You look like Snow White.
[CHUCKLES.]
So anybody spike the punch yet? Excuse me.
You here to soap my windows? Actually, um, I heard you had a little run-in with my evil twin the other day.
I'm here to apologize.
I don't do cute, all right? And I was just on my way out.
Wait a second.
Please, just-- Just give me a second here.
I know that I was a total jerk the other day.
I know that.
And-- And I'm sorry.
But, um, I've been through some stuff lately, and-- And that's not your problem, and I'm not looking for any sympathy.
But I brought some food.
Um, basil manicotti and artichokes.
It's in my truck.
Look, it's late.
Uh, my drivers have already left.
I don't wanna hear this right now, okay? Right now, I just-- I-- I need to do this.
I want to do this.
Please.
[SIGHS.]
I guess we can put it in the fridge.
You need a hand? Yeah.
Heh.
Actually, I could use a little help.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS.]
Great costume.
Wish I'd thought of that.
What do you want? Nothing.
I was just thinking we should've come as Thelma and Louise.
It would've made Justin's head explode.
Do you think that's funny? Sorry.
This was kind of last minute.
I'm supposed to be a Gypsy fortune teller.
Heh.
You want me to read your palm? No.
I'm pretty good.
Here.
Oh.
What's this? Wow.
Big fight with someone.
Wow.
I'm so impressed.
And-- And this is interesting.
The guy you're fighting with i-is, like, totally nuts about you.
Julia, why are you doing this? Because whatever he said or did, he's not the kind of guy who He would never do something to hurt you on purpose.
So it had to be a mistake.
And he doesn't make many.
Besides, knowing Justin, he'll feel so guilty that you can milk it for days.
God, he just-- He made me so mad, you know? Well, if you ever wanna get back at him, this is what you do.
BAILEY: No.
I'm just saying, you spike the punch, you'll make more money.
People get a buzz on, they get generous.
Yeah, and Miss Stickley shuts us down.
This is not a frat party, Bailey.
It's a charity dance.
Oh, so-- So that means what? That we can't have any fun? I was having fun.
Right.
Right.
Sorry.
Fun.
This is-- This is fun.
Definitely.
My legs itch.
Great.
Nobody's doing pictures.
What? Well, come on, maybe if they see us.
Wait-- Wait a second.
I don't know.
Five bucks for a Polaroid? That's why nobody's doing it.
It's for charity.
It's a rip-off.
God.
God, you know, what is with you? I mean, one minute you're renting costumes and making speeches about how important this is.
And the next, you're acting like you're doing me some huge favor by even being here.
I've got news for you.
You're not doing anybody any favors.
You're just acting like a royal pain in the ass.
Hey, I'm only here because you guilted me into coming.
What? Yeah.
What? No.
You said that this was import-- Look, I told you that if you didn't wanna be here, just say so.
I don't want to be here.
I don't wanna be anywhere near here.
What is with you? Why are you being such a bastard? I don't know.
I guess it's just who I am.
* Today * * Today * [MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
* Back when I was alive You came * * And won my heart With a smile * * Cracked it open and said * * "I think I'll stay For a while" * * Now you're holding A smoking gun * Sorry.
I-- Rob, hey, c-cool costume.
Pimp? Lounge lizard.
Oh.
Heh.
* You lift me up * [SIGHS.]
* Crash against the rocks * I-I love this song.
You wanna dance? Heh.
* You tear me open * * Let me bleed * * Out on the leaves * * Lost and alone * * Your heart's like stone * * But there's no changing it * [MOUTHS.]
Thank you.
Um, everybody, there's-- There's no waiting for pictures.
No waiting for pictures.
* Couldn't you be More patient with me? * * Couldn't you be more kind? * Bailey.
Huh? Sorry.
You just-- You looked like you were having some sort of a private moment.
I just wanted you to know I was standing here.
Anyway, I'm-- I'm just-- I'm gonna go.
Um, wait a second.
Wait.
Actually, I'm kind of glad you're here.
You are? Yeah.
'Cause Y-you have another one of those? [CHUCKLES.]
There's a six-pack in the fridge.
Good.
Good, 'cause I could use one right about now.
Do you maybe wanna, um--? Do you wanna sit down and talk or something? Um, actually, I-- 'Cause, listen, I owe you a big apology.
[DOOR OPENS.]
MAN: Hey, Cal, what, are you growing your own hops in here or--? Oh, excuse me.
Sorry, Brent.
Roommate stuff.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
CALLIE: I'll be right there, okay? Thanks.
[SIGHS.]
Sorry.
I didn't know.
Bailey.
[***.]
[SIGHS.]
* You lift me up * * And let me crash * * Against the rocks * * Calling your name * * You tear me open * * Let me bleed * * Out on the leaves * * Lost and alone * [***.]