Playing House (2014) s03e07 Episode Script

Okay, so you should check on Mr.
Fritz, but he'll probably sleep through the night.
- Got it.
- Also, Alejandro in 402 is requesting a sponge bath.
- Again? - Yes, he said that he's "real, real dirty" and "only Jeff can help.
" Alejandro, stop falling in love with me.
Jeff, what do you think about this? Oh, God.
Is that a man's head on a pig's body? Yeah.
Bird Bones and I are planning a retirement luau.
So, Jeff, if you were a straight man in your 60s with, like, not a whole lot to look forward to, would you like this poster? This is a fantasy I am not willing to entertain.
All right, you ready to go? I don't know.
Have you asked Dr.
E out? What's that? No.
I'm not doing that today.
Yes, you have to.
It's my cancer wish.
- That's not a thing.
- Come on.
Before I got the big C, you guys were this close to sucking face.
Okay, well, can you just let me do it on my own time? Okay.
Paging Dr.
Ericson.
Dr.
Clive Ericson, please What are you doing? Stop it.
- Report to the front desk.
- Emma, stop.
- Seriously, stop.
- Hello.
Emma, did you just page me? - I did.
- Yes, she did.
- My friend Maggie here - She wanted to tell you something.
Has something that she would like to ask you.
Um, I did have yes, a question - about the linens.
- No, not it.
That's not it.
I wanted to tell you, you're doing a wonderful job, and I think that's great.
- Okay, Maggie wants to ask - Thank you for your service.
- I swear to God.
- Ow! Ow! I will do it if you don't do it! Ow! Just get out of here.
- That's in my armpit.
- Yes, it is.
Rude.
Um, okay, yes.
Dr.
Ericson, I actually wanted to ask you if, um, in your professional opinion, you thought it would be a good idea if, uh, we were to go on a date.
- Oh.
- Just, like, a snack.
Or a hot air balloon or Um, do you like horses? Um, in my professional opinion, I would say that, um that that would be a delight.
- Oh.
- And, uh, yeah.
Great! You guys should go to Chavo's! - Do you like tacos? - Hey, Emma? - What? - Will she be coming too? - No.
- No, but I'm gonna hear every dirty deet.
Get out of here.
Get out of here! So just keep it clean or don't.
- Well, thank you.
- Thank you.
Um, I There's a patient who's Yeah, we got a hospital to run.
- Yeah.
- Or you do.
- Patient's - I'm just learning.
Yeah.
Hey, remember when All of time stood still - Ooh - Do do do do Back before we were brittle Back before we were brittle Okay, I feel like the air vent is good here.
But I don't know; maybe he'd rather sit by the window.
It doesn't matter where he sits because you guys are obsessed with each other.
Well, I just don't want this to be one of my straight clunker dates, you know what I mean? Classic Maggie, clunking it up.
You can't go wrong with Chavo's.
I come here all the time.
Talking tableside guac! I thought I heard the guac squawk.
Mi hermano, Jorge! - All right, good to see you.
- Huh! - Guac.
- There it is.
- Oh! - This is George, guys.
He is the maker of the guac.
A true craftsman.
Oh, come on.
Guilty as charged.
- You know what? - Uhhuh? I'll be back with the good avocados.
- Okay.
- Oh, I love it.
- Muchas gracias.
- Grachias.
Oh, sorry, guys.
It's Tina.
She's outside; she just needs to tell me something about work, so I'll be right back.
Well, just tell her to come in.
No, that's okay.
I'll go outside.
- Why? 'Cause of - 'Cause of Oh, what Why, 'cause of me? - 'Cause I'm here? - No.
No, get her in here.
- Are you sure? - Get her in here.
- It's fine.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi, everybody.
- Oh, that was quick.
- Hey, Teens.
- Hello.
- Hi, Tina.
- Hello.
Oh.
- Here you go.
- So should I sit - Sure, do you want - Or would you like - to sit next to your - Oh, uh, okay.
Sure.
Um, I'll just go Here, you go over here.
I'll just go right in there.
- Maggie, move over.
- Why do I have to move? Maggie, just go over.
This'll be easier.
- Just do it.
- Come on and scooch in.
- Keep going.
- Keep going? Yes, please.
Just, Maggie, please be helpful.
- Thank you.
- Scooch in.
- All right.
- Hey.
- Okay.
- There we go.
- Everybody happy? - Everybody's sitting.
Well, I won't be staying long.
Great, I'm gonna have to move again.
I just wanted to tell Emma in person that Daija Dubois fired her party planner for her sweet 13 and we have an interview with her tomorrow.
What? Oh, my God, Tina, yes! They're like the Connecticut Kardashians.
- Good for you guys.
- Yeah.
Tina! It has been a while.
- George! - Would you two lovers like your usual, fajitas por dos? - Uh-oh.
- No, no, George.
That's a that's a no on the fajeets.
Did I miss your anniversary? No, let's shut it down, my man.
- Muchachos.
- Oh, no.
Anniversario.
Enjoy the song of love.
- No, gracias.
No, gracias.
- No, no.
Yeah, no, grachias.
They're divorced.
So remember my friend Amy? The one who looks like Howard the Duck? Jeff, that's not nice.
She can't help her face.
Anyway, she fell off a boat.
Oh, that's terrible.
Yes, it is.
But also, it means she can't go to Beyoncé tonight.
And you get her ticket? Shut up.
Guess who's getting in formation, bitch.
Work.
And work.
Get it.
Oh, stop.
Stop getting it.
Sorry to interrupt your little dance, Jeff.
I need the blood work for 507.
Um, I think it's actually on the nurses' station.
Is that where it belongs? It should be I I'll be right back.
Okay.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Actually, can I have a word - with you too? - Am I in trouble? You may be.
Oh, okay.
Um I don't know what to wear for our date.
- Oh, okay.
- You know, I phoned Chavost's.
- Chavo's.
- Yeah, Chavo's.
- Yes.
- And, um, they said festive casual.
I What does that mean? Is that tie? No tie? - Definitely no tie.
- Right.
Hawaiian shirt, maybe? Uh, maybe just wear whatever you would - normally wear on a date.
- Okay.
- It's just, it's been a while.
- Yeah, me too.
I kind of want to get it absolutely right.
Blood work is on your desk, sir.
Please don't fire me.
That won't be necessary, Jeff.
Thank you.
And, uh, thank you for raising those issues.
I will make the necessary, uh, adjustments to to those.
And thank Carry on.
- What? - You know what.
Shut up and make this bed.
So what is this? Like, your guest house that you live in? Um, no, this is the house house that I live in.
It's very small.
- I want to start now.
- Oh, absolutely.
Should we wait for your parents to come first? You're gonna be waiting a very long time.
They're both in Dubai right now.
Who takes care of you? I take care of myself.
Who takes care of you? I don't know.
I Is All right, Daija, so for your sweet 13, we thought that a princess theme might be cute.
Strike one.
Do you know how old I am? I have my own bodyguard named Tony.
- Who's trying to kill her? - So don't come at me with cute.
I want a "Game of Thrones" theme.
- Of course.
- So I want White Walkers.
- Write this down.
- I want dragons.
I want a real ice wall.
I want a man whose hand is missing.
Sorry to interrupt.
The party's only a few days away, so I don't know if we'll be able to do all of that.
Then strike three.
You're out.
Wait, strike three? What was strike two? - Your hairdo.
- Oh, hurtful.
Daija, please don't strike us out.
We can get you that man without a hand.
I will cut it off myself if I have to.
- Okay, Tina, Tina, Tina.
- Please let us do this.
Please.
Tina, let's not beg.
Daija, honey, what do you say? Can we make those dreams come true? You fix that hairdo, we got a deal.
Tony! We need a man with one hand.
Oh, great.
Just great.
Denise had her stupid baby.
Oh, that's awesome.
Boy or girl? Who cares? She was supposed to cover my shift for tonight.
Now I can't go to Beyoncé.
When life gives you "Lemonade," it's not supposed - to turn back into lemons.
- Oh.
Well, why don't you just leave early? You want me to ask Dr.
Popsicle if I can leave before my shift is over? - Yeah.
- No way.
He hates me.
Well, why don't I ask him? He likes me.
Oh, there you are.
We have some stitches that need removing.
I'd like you both to assist me.
Oh, okay.
You know what? Jeff has to get to a Beyoncé concert, so I told him it was cool if he left early.
No.
I need you both to assist me.
It's just stitches.
I think we could probably do it, right, you and me? - Can we speak in private? - Oh, am I in trouble? Ooh! - Maggie, what are you doing? - I just want Jeff to be able to go to his concert.
That's not your decision to make, is it? Okay, come on, man.
It's just Bey.
I am the chief resident of this hospital.
- You are a student.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Why did you just turn into an ice man? I'm just trying to help my friend.
And I just want you to do your job.
I expect better from you.
So can I go? You know what? I'm gonna stay.
I'm gonna stay.
Hand me that dumb throne.
God, I I have never been frozen out like that.
I'm so sorry.
It was terrifying.
All day long, we're just, like, flirting - Yeah.
- And talking about our date to come.
And then, out of nowhere, he's like, "I'm your boss.
I'm the chief resident.
" Well, like, technically, - isn't he your boss? - Technically, yes.
But that doesn't give him the right to talk to me like that.
- No.
- Hand me more tiny swords.
Why does someone want to sit on a throne and get a bunch of swords up their butt? How can you plan a "Game of Thrones" themed party if you've never seen an episode? Watch "Game of Thrones.
" No, no, no.
No.
It's a bunch of dragons and people having sex with their brothers.
- I'm not interested.
- We are screwed.
I just got off the phone with the animal trainer, Jerome.
- Ugh, I love Jerome.
- I do too.
He said that direwolves aren't real and real wolves are too dangerous.
Mm.
Go for Tina.
Oh, yes.
I called about the DJ.
Uh-huh.
How many hands does he have? - What's a direwolf? - Oh, I'll show you.
- Fast-forward.
- No, no, no.
We don't have time for this.
You have, like, a million tiny swords to glue.
- Get gluing.
Get gluing.
- Fine.
Pause.
We'll just watch it later tonight 'cause I'm gonna cancel my date and spend the rest of my life alone.
Okay, are you really gonna throw out the entire possibility of a relationship because of one awkward interaction? Well, I don't want to date someone that could turn into a White Walker at any moment.
Okay, I don't know what that is, but I will say this.
Could you have maybe been just a tiny bit inappropriate? 'Cause sometimes you don't like to be wrong.
- Whose side are you on? - How about you tell him how he made you feel, give him the opportunity to say sorry, and then you guys can move on and have a million beautiful British babies together? Well, our Khal Drogo just booked a Pantene commercial and he is pulling out! Khal Drogo, is he important? Yeah, he's the horse lord of the Dothraki.
I hate all the words you just said.
Daija is going to fire us.
And you and I are gonna be stuck doing retirement luaus for the rest of our lives.
- What are we gonna do? - Tina, calm down.
I have an idea.
Um, are you out of your mind? No way.
Please, please be my Calvin Dragon.
- It's Khal Drogo.
- Whatever.
And I can't do it, because I'm a pillar of the community.
I can't run around like some oversexed barbarian from the Middle Ages, as much as I would - like to do that.
- Okay, you'll be wearing a wig.
Does Tina have any idea that you're asking this of me? Tina is 100% on board, okay? All you need to do is be shirtless, wear a ponytail, and carve some meat for tweens.
- I get to carve meat? - Yeah.
- Do I get a sword? - Whatever you want.
- Done.
- Great.
- I'm gonna carve some meat.
- Okay.
- You should've led with that.
- Okay.
Ho, ho.
Shing! No! What's happening? What is that? - It's Dothraki, baby.
- I'm not interested.
- The language of love.
- No, no.
Khaleesi.
I'm a veteran authority, better than the majority We've got Wildfire Lime Jell-O, Khaleesi's Pieces, Celery Starks.
Oh, and of course, our White Walkers for waiters.
Oh, God.
Serving dragon breath's punch.
- Color me impressed.
- Really? Honestly, I didn't expect much from you.
So you're not fired.
Well, you can't fire us, 'cause the event is currently happening.
I can fire you at any time.
You still haven't fixed your hair.
Okay, God.
What is Gosh, this buckle.
Do you need some help with that leather strap, sir? Yeah, yeah, uh, in the in the back.
Let's get this out.
This is weird, right? Seeing you with a full head of hair? - Yeah, it's really weird.
- Yeah.
Actually, I'm really happy that you're working together.
It's nice that we can be around each other again.
Yeah.
I kissed Zach.
What? No, I know.
I know.
He told me.
Oh.
And who is this tall drink of water? This is our Khal Drogo.
I can see that.
You're not fired again.
You're my date for tonight.
No, no, no, honey.
I'm just here to cut meat.
I am the Mother of Dragons.
You're my sun and my stars, and it's time to Nae Nae.
- It's time to what-what? - Just do what she says.
So the website was right, wasn't it? It's very festive.
But casual.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm good.
Actually, I feel like we should talk about what happened at the hospital the other day.
Yeah, that would be great.
'Cause I didn't like the way that felt.
And I thought it was, um, inappropriate.
Absolutely, yes.
Um And, you know, it's okay, because, you know, sometimes we act in ways that are not our normal selves.
- Yeah.
- And, you know, you regret that, and that's okay.
Right.
Exactly.
- So you won't do that again.
- What? I said, you won't do that again.
Sorry, I'm a little bit confused 'cause I thought you were apologizing to me.
- Why would I do that? - Because you contradicted a very simple request that I had.
Okay, as I remember it, I requested a simple favor, right? And then instead of behaving like a normal person, you turned into some sort of, like, White Walker.
Okay, so what actually happened was, you demanded a favor in front of a fellow nurse.
- It was just Jeff, though.
- Okay.
So it starts with Jeff, and then it goes on - to other people.
- What are you talking about? It's very complicated, all right? To date somebody at work, it's difficult.
You know, I know because I've done it.
- In my experience - I've also done it.
I've had lots of relationships.
I mean, just a couple.
And they were not at work - Some of them were at work.
- Okay, I've had experiences where people use my status at the hospital - to climb the ladder.
- Oh, and you think that that's the kind of person that I am? I'm not saying that.
I'm not Because if that's the case, why would you even go on a date with someone if you thought that they were trying to use your status or your "stay-tus" - or whatever however you say it.
- Maggie! - Okay.
- Wow, two nights in one week.
Are you ready to rock some guac? Yeah, that sounds good.
Do you know what? Do you think, um do you think you could go away and we do this later? - All right.
- Thank you.
No, George, actually, I would like to rock the guac, if you don't mind.
- Okay.
- Is that cool? - We do what I want? - Yeah, let's do that.
Let's do what she wants.
Let's do what she wants.
Oh, no, you know what? I'm so sorry.
I forgot.
Let's not do that, 'cause he's the chief resident of tableside guac, so what he says goes.
Okay.
That's not what I'm saying, is it now? Listen, listen, we do we do want it, okay? - George - We do want it.
- We don't want it.
- George, come back here because we do want it.
Okay, I swear to God, if you crack open an avocado, I will lose my mind.
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go.
- This is not going well.
- Come on.
- Maggie, please.
- These booths are ridiculous.
I expected better from you.
Maggie.
Do you still want some guac? - Yes, I would.
- Okay.
- The guac is usually for two.
- Great.
How do you guys come up with this stuff? The Red Wedding cake.
Apparently, in some cultures, the bride wears red instead of white.
Emma, it's blood.
The red is blood.
- What? Why? - I'd love to book you two for the fall.
My daughter Natalie turns 13 in October, and she loves "Orange is the New Black.
" - Is that a cartoon? - I will start ordering the jumpsuits.
Okay.
Now, tell me, is she open to a face tattoo? Point me to your roast beef station.
Wait, what happened with your date? Well, it was a disaster, 'cause he only cares about his dumb reputation, - and I'm not interested.
- I'm so sorry.
- Do you want to talk about it? - No.
I want to shove my mouth full of meat, and then I want to hit the dance floor.
- Okay.
- Hey, White Walker, give me one of them beef sliders.
Oh, what you got? I ain't afraid of you, man.
I ain't afraid of nobody.
Hey, Daija, this has been a lot of fun, but I really got to get back to my real girlfriend.
- Call me Khaleesi.
- Okay, Khaleesi, I just - Ow! - Hello, Greg, Julie.
This is my boyfriend, Khal Drogo.
Uh, no, no, no.
No, not her boyfriend.
- He's a real man.
- I'm a grown man, which means I'm a not dating a 13-year-old, so We're in love and we're gonna get married and live in Queens.
Okay, I'm out, 'cause I was just supposed to cut meat.
That's all I'm supposed to do.
My party is ruined! Everybody, go home! Oh, no.
Hey, hey, what's going on? - What happened? - Julie was my best friend.
And I liked Greg, but Greg didn't like me.
He liked Julie.
So now me and Julie - have to be mortal enemies.
- Okay, well, you don't have to hate each other.
I mean, I used to be married to Khal Drogo.
- That's right.
- But then we got a divorce, and now he's Emma's boyfriend.
I mean, actually, we're closer than ever.
It wasn't easy at first, but we worked on it because, well, Emma's important to me.
Oh, Teens, you're important to me.
- Aww.
- Come here.
Hold up.
Let me get this straight.
That fine man was married to you, keeping it tight and also right? - But now he's with her? - Yes.
I've got one thing to say about that.
Please, we were having such a good moment.
Downgrade! Well, at least you got your Nae Nae on.
I didn't even.
They didn't play it while I was here.
Aw.
Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.
Huh? - What is he doing here? - I might've texted him.
And why do you have his number? Remember when you told me I shouldn't Google - about cancer anymore? - Yeah.
Well, he said instead of Googling, I should text him.
So at 3:00 a.
m.
, I'll text him, like, "Hey, am I gonna die?" And he texts back, "No, stupid.
Go to bed.
" - He does that? - Yeah, dummy.
'Cause he's a good guy.
Now, go to him.
Come on.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Um, so listen, I had long talk with George.
- Our waiter? - Yeah, we had a we had a lot of tableside guac to finish.
And he asked me why we were fighting.
And I don't know why we were fighting.
Yeah, I don't either.
Why did that get so crazy so fast? It was my fault, and I'm sorry.
- No, I am sorry.
- No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
It was it was all my fault.
No, because I overreacted.
- No, I overreacted, - and I'm sorry.
- Okay.
We're doing it again.
- We are, yeah.
I will say this, I don't love to be wrong.
And I need to tell you that I do believe that I was inappropriate last week.
No, I, um I was the one who handled it badly.
- Look, I really like you.
- I like you.
And I don't like how all this got started.
Do you want to start over? Is it possible to do That's my, uh, answer.
Well, I like that answer.
Um But I mean, we are we are gonna have to work together.
Is that gonna be too complicated for you? Hmm.
You know what? - That's my answer.
- Should we just answer each other all night? That would be really good.
Close for you For you Milady, the meat has been carved, and my sword has been sheathed.
Oh, thank you most kindly, horse man.
- Actually, I'm a horse lord.
- Who cares? Well, I've got some good news.
I just booked us three more parties.
Tina, yes! Oh! Bring it in here, guys.
- We nailed it.
We nailed it.
- Oh, guys.
- Nice.
- Excuse me! Thank you for my wonderful party and for the advice.
Oh, you're welcome, Daija.
And happy birthday.
Uh-oh.
Hold me tighter, Greg! You're a man, not a boy.
What happened with Julie? Julie's out.
Greg's with me now.
Daija, that's not what we said.
You play the game of thrones, you win or you die.
Greg, tighter! I'm sorry, did she kill Julie?