Rake (2010) s03e07 Episode Script
Season 3, Episode 7
Hello? Can I help you? So what's the damage? Took about 15 laptops and smashed the mainframe.
God only knows what they've taken.
Nothing happens on this floor of any consequence.
Still, something might have leaked out, or Like what? This is about our partnership.
Guess who owns 80% of this restaurant? You can't guarantee that I am not going to jail, right? - It's 120 million bucks, mate.
- Tikki's casino.
She wants it, Bligh Phillips wants it, and I want it.
Patience is the wife of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
We're in love.
She planted the diamonds in your case so that you'd take the fall if you got caught, alright? I have a life with this man.
Roger's a drug dealer.
Right! - Oh, fuck.
- Go! Mate.
Who would watch the Olympics if no-one ever broke a world record? Come on! You're all so damned smart and hoity-toity! You fuckin' tell me! They're valid arguments, Roger.
If you come out and release the hostages, we can discuss that.
Sport needs drugs! People like me, people who create a race of super athletes, achieving goals beyond anything you can fuckin' imagine.
I don't know, I can imagine pretty big, Rog.
Shut up, please.
So without performance-enhancing drugs, there are only amateurs.
The flipside of course, and personally more interesting, would be to let people do no exercise at all, eat mountains of shit and watch what happens when they try to play sport.
Stadiums clogged with obese people - You will die here today.
- No, he won't.
Stop it please, Roger.
I'm begging you.
No need to get hoity-toity, Rog.
I've watched you try and destroy my relationship from day one, Greene.
You're making a good fist of it yourself now.
Shut it! Respect! Respect for your elders! - How? - Just shut up, Fuzz! I'll put my case to the police.
I'll make them see reason.
Roger, we have the church surrounded.
This can go nowhere.
Please come out, let's talk.
Your father arrived drunk on our wedding day and took a swing at my poor dad.
Called me a whore in front of the whole Randwick Presbyterian congregation.
But we worked it through.
That's what people did in our day.
No, no, no, you are honestly not citing your marriage as an argument.
Your marriage is the reason I became a psychologist! Fuckin' hell.
Me, a psychologist.
Three marriages and a son who's a diamond mule.
- Hey, I told you I didn't do it - You! Three months ago, you left with a happy-clapping Christian virgin girl who I thought was ever so slightly boring but completely harmless and you return with a suitcase full of blood diamonds and a 45-year-old Congolese woman! Oh, she has an identity beyond a 45-year-old Congolese woman.
Her name is Patience and she's from Bondo, and she's amazing.
Come on, Roger, we can work this out.
You.
Oh, mate.
Oh, come on.
For the love of dog, just leave the poor old girl alone, will ya? Come on, mate.
Dad! Are you alright? Oh, shit bags.
Roger, do you mind if I approach? All I want to do is talk to you.
Are you alright there, madam? Fit as a fiddle, thanks.
That's far enough! Let me ask you a question, sonny.
Would you really have preferred if Lance Armstrong had not won the Tour de France seven times? Frankly, I'm a bit bored with all this Lance Armstrong bullshit.
Let's get out of here before he moves onto ping pong.
Come on.
Sit down.
Trust me, this is my fourth siege.
Hey, Rog? We're going now, mate, if that's OK.
Dad, sit down, for fuck's sake.
No, no, we're going.
Both of you, up, now.
You sit down.
Or I swear You swear what, mate? No, no.
I've known lots of killers in my time, and I hate to disappoint you, but you're not one of them.
I bloody am.
No, no, you're not.
You're just an ordinary boring knob trapped in a slipstream of shit.
Now listen, I will get you off with minimum time, OK? In a year or so, you'll be hosting your own chat show.
I'll shoot! No, you won't, trust me.
You're only a little bit nuts.
OK? Now we're going to let go of Prue here, and we're going to keep moving out there.
Don't worry, I'll probably kill her myself one day.
Quietly move towards the cars.
Secure them.
Stop right there! Throw the weapon forward.
It's over, mate.
We can sort this out.
Oh, shit.
I'm so sorry, baby.
Throw it away, Roger.
Please, put it down.
Go, go, go! Get on the ground! Get on the ground! This is like a wedding in the Congo.
You should be with your husband.
He needs you more than ever now.
Mum, I've never had the heart to say this before but you are completely insane.
Is he alright? Christ, I think he's been shot! God! Someone call an ambulance! That's not what I said.
The truth is, Cal Oh, you wouldn't know the truth, pal, if it kissed you on your arse.
I mean, here you are, a government minister paid a fortune to watch over this basket case of a public transport system, and you are doing nothing.
So you know what I'm going to do? I'm calling a protest meeting in Martin Place, 10am this Friday.
Everyone, anyone who cares about the mockery you've made of transport is welcome to join us.
Let's show the government You can't do that.
Let me tell you, friends, for those who do come, I'll personally sign copies of my new book while I'm there - Cal - Come Out Punching.
He's gone rogue.
The man is completely off the reservation.
I build someone up from nothing, give them a high-profile slot, normally I get a few years out of them before their egos get completely out of control.
The mean average is five-and-a-half years.
Alan was much less, Ray was a little more This fool's not gonna make it to six months.
This is serious.
Lunch, then? Better make it dinner.
Mate, when I travelled, I was asked to carry all kinds of shit up my clacker, but I always said no.
Except once.
I always knew never to cross that moral line.
Is this the same moral line that told you to hire a hit man? OK, sometimes it's a bit of a blurry line but I managed to stay in a brothel in Cairo one time for two months without ever having any This'll only take a tick and then you're free to go.
Not much more than a flesh wound.
Oh, fuck me sideways! Holy Mary Mother of God! Mate, it's about restraint, OK? I'm so sorry.
It's OK, Doc.
Look, right up until the time that Rog decided to drill me a second sphincter, I was actually having a ball.
I can't go back to his house.
Well, don't.
Stay at mine.
Long as you like.
Well, um um, my mother will be with us.
Oh, the day that keeps on delivering.
And this is how I will always remember you.
Miss.
What are you do How did you Well, you're all over the news.
Are you guys OK? Oh I'm sorry, I'm intruding.
I'll leave.
No, no, no, Melissa, please stay.
Oh, why not? How are you coping, Wendy? Oh, God! Sorry, sorry.
Felicity?! Sorry, I didn't realise you were giving a Royal Command performance.
You came.
You OK? Yes.
Yeah, well, define OK.
Breathing? Oh, yeah, I'm breathing.
Yes.
You came.
Yeah, I think we've covered that.
Yes, I came.
But I'll I'll go now.
Sorry, I didn't mean to Ohh I'll go.
You're you're breathing.
No, stay! We need something else to look at.
Yeah, I'm Wendy.
I'm his ex.
Felicity.
Right.
Wendy, of course.
I'm Melissa.
I'm his Hi.
Well, whatever I am, it's definitely ex.
I'm Fuzz, his diamond mule son.
Your whole life in one room.
Oh, just the ones who can still tolerate him.
Pull up a chair! Oh, great, we can all make a social event out of this.
Would you lower your bum? I can't see Felicity.
I've got Tikki Wendon's PA on the line.
She wants you to join her for dinner at Renan's tonight.
Does she bloody just? What, with an hour's notice? Tell her no can do.
You are free.
Yeah, but don't bloody tell her that.
Tell her my first vacancy is Thursday, lunch, and I only have a 90-minute window then.
You tell Fuck-arse he makes it to Renan's tonight or No, tell him the Thursday's fine, but I can only do 25 minutes.
Come on, we have to work together.
Please speak to me.
Sure.
You are a fuckin' arsehole.
Is that enough talk? Mm.
You're on with Sarah again, aren't you? No! What have you two been up to, hmm? Ask him.
You don't think we did that? Oh, I know you did that.
Oh, mate, come on.
We're professionals.
That's the reason I know you did it.
You're professional political operatives.
Therefore, by definition, deceitful opportunists.
OK, look, we'd squeezed dry the baby-saving bit, mate.
It wasn't a 'bit'.
I saved a baby! We didn't want to lose momentum.
Third poll of the quarter this weekend, we needed a bounce.
OK, look.
I like this woman, alright? She is a friend of mine.
Do you really think this is going to help either her or me? A lot more than waltzing about with the wife of a cancer-stricken friend.
You leave Scarlet out of this.
David, we don't want to tell you how to run your life.
We are just saying it is much easier to sell core Labor values with the reformed hooker than the slut divorcee.
Get out! Third poll of the quarter.
I actually don't even know what that means.
All I know is that next Tuesday's poll will be followed by another poll the following Tuesday, and so on forever.
And do you know what next Tuesday's poll really is? It is just one more step in our seemingly endless quest to destroy all meaning.
And that is a job you do brilliantly.
I've always wanted to honeymoon in Tahiti.
What do you reckon? I swear to God, I had nothing to do with that.
I have two soon-to-be unemployed advisors who unforgivably over-reached.
Please don't make this a hanging offence.
How could it be a hanging offence? We're just friends, right? Yes.
Yes, we are.
So, you want to spin it out a little longer? OK, now I'm thinking that this is a dream.
When I wake up, you're gonna be even more pissed with me than I thought.
It could be fun.
Go to a few events, a couple of dinners, hold hands sometimes.
What's the harm? Why would you do that for me? Because I find the idea of jerking around the press irresistible.
And I didn't leave you because I didn't like you, I left because I didn't like myself.
I've always wanted to make up for the bullshit way I treated you.
Well, like you said, what's the harm? You have given me 13 of the happiest years of my life.
OK, the last four have been wobbly, but I will always love you, Barney, for those 13.
And for our kids, and for so much more.
I just wanted to start there.
Christ, that was stylish.
Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I've been rehearsing in front of the mirror.
God, I wish I'd rehearsed something now.
All I've got is 'I'm really sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
I wasn't myself.
' No, no, no, no.
We've been over this a thousand times.
If we're going to end it here tonight, then please, let's do it as best friends, hmm? Is that what we're doing here? Ending it? I guess we are.
I'm thinking the fish.
Yep.
I always have the fish.
The duck's good.
Mm.
So, are you gonna move in with that duplicitous two-faced bitch? OK, sorry.
That bit wasn't rehearsed.
OK.
Thanks, Miss.
No worries.
Ow, oh, oh.
So, hot cheeks? Yeah.
Tell me about Felicity.
Well, there's not much to tell, unfortunately.
She's resisted every move I've made.
She did come to the hospital the moment that she heard you'd been shot.
You should have seen the look on her face.
She was worried.
Yeah, your point is? Well, you do have a knack for being blind to opportunities, especially when it comes to romance.
Oh, you can talk.
I have opened the window of opportunity to you at least twice.
And I opened it for you probably four times.
Oh, really? Trouble was that our windows were just never open simultaneously, were they? Maybe your timing's just a bit off.
Maybe it is.
If you do like her, don't rush it.
Just give her some time.
Thank you.
'Night.
Mum's sleeping.
I'm so glad for her.
I feel as if someone has welded a pedestrian bridge between my anus and my scrotum.
The Indians say that this is the last Age of Kali.
The last cycle of man before everything gets destroyed.
I think Kali's starting with me.
Dad used to have a blue heeler cross called Kali.
Used to gnaw at its own genitals.
I don't feel safe anymore, Cleave.
I feel like everything I touch is just going to crumble.
The most ordinary people I know are losing the plot.
See, I got in ahead of the crowd and avoided the rush.
But maybe you were the canary down the mine shaft, showing us all what was ahead and now we're all just catching up to you.
You see? Does he have any idea of the shit that he's in? He seems to think innocence is an actual defence in court.
How long could he get? Do you remember Seminyak, years ago? That hut? No phones.
Fishing boats.
The mosquito net above the bed.
Things made sense then.
You realise, of course, this is all your fault.
You're a failure as a father, a hopeless husband.
Oh, what's that stench? Bouillie.
An omelette with sardines.
African dish.
Oh, God.
Oh, I thought it was your grandmother.
Listen, mate, I've got a Commission hearing this morning, but I still want you to come into my chambers today, alright? What's gonna happen to Patience? Well, we'll talk about that.
That's all that matters to me.
I know.
Roger, even for his faults, is a hundred times the man you are.
I notice your mother has upped her dose of insane pills.
You're speaking You're speaking Indonesian.
This is your fault! I'm sorry, I don't know, Cleave.
I had a client a few years ago who could only speak French when he was smoking ice.
But, you know, his Mum was French, so it wasn't such a big deal.
So you're saying it's a big deal? Um, I don't want to scare you, but it's a bit of a deal.
Right.
But people work through these things.
Right.
So you two are still close? Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
Close, close? Yeah, well, I I love her, and we've got Fuzz together and history and, you know, I hate the idea of her being trapped in this fuckin' weird Balinese parallel universe and there's nothing I can do about it, because I can't help it.
You know what I mean? I can't Yeah, I know what you mean.
I mean, I don't want her back or anything.
You just care.
Yeah.
So that's OK, isn't it? Caring's more than OK, Cleave.
Always will be.
I'll make a few calls.
Thank you.
When I was 11, I wrote in my diary that I was going to be a brilliant surgeon working on people's noses.
I don't know why noses.
I think my friend Lynne Martin had a really big one and I thought, 'I could help her.
' It's time to readjust that paradigm.
Not working out to plan? Oh, what do you think? Scarlet and I told the kids.
Oh, wow.
You OK? Are they OK? Had to happen, didn't it? I don't know.
Did it? So, here I am.
A free man.
You? Free? Well, not for long.
Sorry, I I know I've made a mess of things for you, but I want to make it right.
Oh, right.
Oh, my heart is all a-flutter.
Can you just stop always trying to make things right? This ain't a right time for anything being right.
You're going to be a walking zombie for the next year, and I'm operating on four hours of busted sleep, I'm breastfeeding twice a night and I am back-filing for a man who has lost 86 separate keys to the filing cabinet.
So I'm hearing a no.
No.
You're hearing we have no idea.
Why don't we move in together and see what happens? Take a moment to sort out our filing.
I'll take this.
It'll keep Mum off my back for a day or two.
I won't keep you.
You're busy.
Yeah.
Sort of frantic.
You and Melissa.
I saw the photo in the paper.
Is it true? No, we're not anything.
You kept telling me it was impossible with us, and to stop calling you.
Yeah, well, that's while Barney was sick.
But he's not now.
He and I are getting a divorce, so Wow.
That is big news.
Mm.
Yeah, it's OK.
It's It's sweet, amicable, and a long time coming.
And that's all I wanted to say.
No pressure.
Great.
I'm glad you told me.
OK.
So just give me a call when you've finished processing it.
No No pressure.
I heard.
David? Was she? Out! Yep.
And play a straight bat, OK? Remember, they can ask us anything.
They can pull anything out of the hat.
But it's OK.
Our internal audit had already picked up the $120-million discrepancy and we were about to approach the authorities.
It was most regrettable but we've now instituted stringent measures to prevent this ever happening again.
Not very often you hear the word 'discrepancy' used to describe $120 million down the gurgler.
Bligh Phillips trades in volumes of billions.
Our assets alone under management is around 156 billion, with a group regulatory capital of 7.
29 billion.
We Right, so we shouldn't be too worried about this 120 million dollars, then? Do you know what my chief concern is as CEO of Bligh Phillips? Burgeoning cat populations in the wetlands of Papua New Guinea? I don't know, Mr Strong.
Our reputation.
What do you think happened to the money, Mr Strong? We don't know.
There were so many accounts.
It was a web A web, right.
'Cause I'm just trying to wrap my head around this, because I've seen his car, right? It's a Porsche, and that's a beautiful car.
That would have cost him a pretty penny.
He's got a nice little flat in Woollahra.
He's wearing some lovely shoes today.
Ah, Italian, probably.
I'd say at least 500 dollars.
But I'm still coming in at around of what you say my client stole from you.
What do you think my client did with this discrepancy, Mr Strong? I don't know.
We are trying to work through it.
Right.
So you're not very bright, are you, mate? You know, I thought you were, but you're not very bright, because you shake down all of this cash and then you just stay put and you don't do anything with it.
Why do you think, Mr Strong, having stolen all of this money from you, my client would continue to show up to work every day and risk getting caught by your stringent regulatory controls? First of many rounds, my friend.
We need to talk strategy, OK? You're not gonna leave me stranded here again, are you? We're OK.
I'll be here.
But right now, I have a date with a diamond mule.
Ow! Well, is she there or not? She arrived about five minutes ago.
Drive around the block once more, please, Pete.
I am so, so sorry, Tik.
Mwah! I got caught up and just could not get away.
I took you from prison when no-one else would touch you.
Well, you know what they say about gratitude - it's the shortest-lived emotion.
They also say it's a lively expectation of favours to come.
I rebuilt you up from the loathsome piece of shit you really are, pay you a fortune, and you treat me like this.
I'm sorry, Tik, are we eating here now? Because I am starving, and time is tight.
I could drive my fist down your throat and eat your offal as pate.
Pate.
There's a thought.
Nick, could I get some dips please, mate? The sole reason I hired you was to protect my casino deal, keep the government on side.
Instead, you are pissing them off on stuff you couldn't possibly give a shit about.
Public transport? Three years I've worked and paid off every soft cock in my road, and you jeopardise it.
You're on my channel.
You know your topics.
Stick to them.
You are my bum boy.
When I say 'jump', you jump.
You do as I bloody say.
No, no, correction.
You are my bitch.
You bark when I whistle.
Fuck you! And fuck you right back.
Curtain just came down on your show.
I own this fuckin' city.
No, no, you own a bit of real estate.
I run this town now.
I am its voice.
So it was your toothpaste in your toiletry kit? Yeah.
I was pretty played out when I hit the airport.
I had some sort of weird betel nut thing the night before.
I was seeing a lot of things that weren't actually there.
Ah.
Does it really matter what brand of toothpaste it was? 'Course it bloody does! It means whoever it was had access to your toiletry bag, you goose.
Oh, I thought we'd get round to her.
You want to put this on Patience, don't you? She didn't do it.
Then you did it, OK? 'Cause that's the way a jury's going to look at it.
A or B.
Either you did it or she did it, or both of you did it.
And I choose B.
She's the wife of a government minister.
Oh, she's his fourth wife and she was forced at gunpoint into marrying him.
He's a warlord, Cleave.
You know, I'm kind of married to her, too.
We had some sort of wild ceremony.
This guy waved a branch over us and we drank some wild shit and consummated it in front of witnesses.
Oh, I'm only surprised the Women's Weekly didn't cover it.
You are not going to pin it on her.
The only way that you are gonna stay out of prison and get your Mum to speak a more workable language is if I play the race card and we hope for a tabloid jury.
'Poor innocent white boy falls prey to evil black woman from corrupt African state.
' Do you understand me? That is the way that we are gonna play it! Fine.
I'll get someone else to represent me.
I don't need you.
Let me have a quiet word.
You stupid bloody idiot! Your father is the only person alive who can actually help you here.
Let go.
Hey, can't you see? You're destroying your life, mate.
No, you can't, 'cause you're young and stupid, and you just think everything's gonna sort itself out.
Well, guess what? It won't! Stop it! Wake up to yourself! What the hell is wrong with you? Getting him used to what the next ten years in prison'll feel like.
Keep hitting him and you'll join him.
What's wrong with you? Mate, the woman is setting you up! Well, the woman has asked to see Cleaver.
Sorry, mate.
I would like to plead guilty, please.
So you're admitting you did it? No, but I do not want your son hurt.
The diamonds were planted by my husband.
Not only is he the Foreign Minister, but he is the Minister of Customs, the Head of Police, and he is untouchable.
If you didn't do it, don't plead it.
Even if you did it, don't plead it.
I would prefer prison here to what he would do to me if I go back.
Look, you're going to need a good lawyer, OK? I can't represent you because it'd be a conflict of interest.
Don't worry.
I know someone.
Fuzz is my godson.
You know the only defence I can give this woman is to accuse him.
Of course.
I'm not gonna do it.
I would never do anything to hurt him.
You, maybe.
So let's leave it to some other barrister who hasn't known Fuzz from birth.
He didn't do it, Red.
I know that.
What are you suggesting? I have to represent this woman properly.
Naturally.
Of course.
To the full extent of the law.
With everything that entails.
Ahh.
A full and lengthy and vigorous debate? Probably.
So whose side will you be briefing? My godson's.
And I imagine a lot of facts? Not as many as I imagine.
In Finnegan Greene's suitcase, Customs Officers discovered $7 million worth of stolen blood diamonds.
Diamonds mined under the most terrible of conditions and stolen and smuggled out with the full and knowing cooperation of Patience Muamba, wife of a prominent Government Minister.
This case is anything but simple, touching as it does on the recent, terrible history of the Congo.
Now, it would be impossible for you to make an informed judgement without understanding that recent history, and when apprised of that knowledge, you will find my client, Patience Muamba, innocent.
I take exception with Ms Engel's opening remarks.
She blithely states that to comprehend this case we need to understand the recent history of the Congo.
Nonsense.
Hear, hear.
To get at the truth, we must go much deeper, back to the time of the Belgian occupation, and then methodically work our way through, era by era.
The terrible history of that region.
The Democratic Republic of the Congo, also known as DR Congo has gone through a number of different appellations.
Belgian Congo, The Congo Free State, Republic of the Congo, Zaire DR Congo borders nine other countries, including Angola, Zambia, Tanzania, Rwanda, Burundi, Sudan, Central African Republic.
Belgium colonisation under King Leopold is probably the worst example ever of colonial rule.
The Republic is economically affiliated with South Africa as a member of the South African Development Community, the SADC.
I have a listing of each of the acronyms on a Power Point OK! That's it.
My chambers, now! All rise.
If either of you ever pull this bullshit again, I'll fucking tan your hides and send you to whichever Congo it is we're talking about.
DR Congo.
You're deliberately confusing my jury.
Yeah, 'course we are, Jim.
We're barristers.
I realise he's your son, and that's the very reason you shouldn't be defending him.
Your boy is in very bloody serious trouble, Cleave, and your case is going nowhere and I'll direct the jury to that end.
And the same with you, Ms Engels.
So after your people trawl through my client's luggage at the airport, finding nothing, it would seem, my client leaves and then suddenly the Federal Police are raiding the family home.
Why? We received an anonymous tip-off, which we passed on to the Federal Police.
Didn't that strike you as being ever so slightly convenient? We often get tip-offs.
But wouldn't these normally come before an aircraft lands? Tell me, Officer, what is the airport security like at Kinshasa? Very, very low.
Our government issues travel warnings.
Right.
Tell me, Officer, have you personally flown with a commercial airline in the past ten years? I have.
See, now I'm judging by the ring on your finger that you're a married man.
Has your wife ever packed a bag for you? I don't recall.
Maybe.
So even you, an Australian Customs Officer, may have made a false declaration and been unaware of the contents of his own suitcase.
It's highly unlikely.
But surely 'highly unlikely' also means that it's possible.
So isn't there a very real possibility that my client, a fine young man, working as a missionary with the poorest of the poor, may have been egregiously set up by parties known or unknown.
Your Honour, I must object.
This is hardly a question for this witness.
We all know there's a reason why the diamonds are called 'blood diamonds' and we all know where they came from.
I must protest at the way Mr Greene is wasting our time.
'I didn't know they were in my bag' is a pathetic defence and an insult to this court.
Indeed.
The only merit in your question, Mr Greene, is that it didn't involve a detailed history of Central Africa.
I reject the question.
Can you write it in English? Just try.
Mm.
German.
It's German.
So it would appear that you're speaking Indonesian but writing in German.
I wonder what you're gonna sing in.
But if the question was about Fuzz, um, I don't know.
I'm doing what I can.
What are you doing? You sleepwalking? I got your text.
Yeah.
'Fuzz SOS.
I'm in chambers'.
Yeah.
Is Fuzz OK? Well, physically, not legally.
Well, I already knew that.
I was aware of that.
You know what SOS stands for? Save Our Souls.
Yeah! Yeah.
I was emoting.
You don't emote with an SOS, Cleaver.
An SOS is not a call for emotion.
It is a call for action! You know, I got up with my breasts leaking, I I left my child and I drove into the city because you were emoting.
Well, I didn't ask you to come.
I thought that something terrible had happened.
You should have called.
I did.
Did you? Oh, shit.
See this? This Polish phone of your mother's Oh, you're kidding me.
Well, um Look, I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication, alright? But my son is looking down the barrel right now.
And you know that I'd do anything for him.
But I don't think this was a miscommunication, Cleaver.
You wanted me here because misery loves company.
You just want to have me at your beck and call.
Well, let me tell you something.
I'm not your slave.
You don't own me.
I know that you assume that you own me, but you don't.
You're right.
I have made an assumption about ownership which could be wrong.
Which is wrong.
See, it's a question of whether it can be proven.
What, that I'm your slave? That they're blood diamonds.
That's their case.
Their whole case is 'We know where they came from', but actually, we don't know where they came from.
There's got to be somebody on this floor who's got a copy of Drenan on Copyright and Provenance.
Well, I'm dressed for crime.
Your Honour, I wish to What? Exhume the body of King Leopold? No.
I wish to challenge the entire legal premise of this case.
Well, it's a little bit late in the day for that.
You found some law dating back to the time of the Druids? Provenance, Your Honour.
My client, and Patience Muamba are charged with the theft and importation of blood diamonds.
The Crown's entire case is premised on the idea that they stole them and smuggled them into the country.
Thank you for clearing that up for the jury.
Except they haven't established provenance.
Where is the statement or certificate telling us where these diamonds came from in the first place? Where is the evidence that these are, in fact, blood diamonds? Because if the Crown has no proof of where these diamonds came from in the first place, and thus far it's been pure assertion, then the only case we have to answer is one of Customs and Excise, and that's, what, a fine at worst.
Ms Guilfoyle, Mr Greene's point, for a change, is relevant.
Your Honour, if they are blood diamonds, they have no provenance.
Your Honour, with respect, that is an inherent nonsense.
If they have no provenance, then my friend cannot assert that they're blood diamonds.
Nor can she assert theft, nor the importation of illicit substances.
So what's the fine, Your Honour? Just so you know, that's the last time you're going overseas.
Yes, Dad.
Ever.
Yes.
You're not leaving Darlinghurst.
See ya.
I'll call the kids tonight.
OK.
Thank you, all the saints, and thank you, Cleaver Greene.
Get in.
Oh, Col.
Just give me one victorious moment, for God's sakes.
Jump in, will ya, Cleave? Don't you find it exhausting chasing people like me? I mean, I'm exhausted just being me, but chasing people like me? I mean, I honestly reckon that requires more energy than being me.
And if being me is no way to spend a life, then chasing people like me is an even less of a way to spend a life.
So I mean, what is all this spider-and-fly bizzo? Ohh! Oh, I couldn't have said it better myself, Cleave.
You know, I'm exhausted and I'm sick of all this bullshit.
I'm sick of torturing flies.
Oh, right.
Yeah, so we're going legit.
Marcel's is going to be my flagship, but it really needs to go in a different direction.
Well, you can't argue with that.
Close your eyes, Cleave.
No, he doesn't need to close his eyes, sweetie.
You're gonna show him the things? Right so you enter the door, and what do you find? What is the first thing you see? Wagon wheel.
Wagon wheel! Mate, hay bales.
Hay bales.
This is Kirsty's Country and Western Chop Shop.
All the waiters are dressed as cowboys.
Right, there's me.
And all the waitresses dressed as cowgirls.
Yeah, yeah, and what do you hear? Oh, my God, that's karaoke.
That's every country-and-western hit you can think of.
Oh, it's genius, guys.
Inspired.
Yeah.
So what do you want from me? or, you know 100,000 for the toilet seat that Elvis busted? No, no.
We're gonna buy you out.
Fuckin' lawyers say we have to pay you to get rid of you and so this way it'll look like you've been paid a good whack for your shares.
See? Really? So the 300 grand you say I owe you Just sign on the dotted line, Cleave, and then we're done.
Seriously? Seriously.
Just sign.
I love you.
I love you.
Hey, Cleave.
Ho! How are you, mate? Where's Patience of Bondo? She got on a plane last night.
Back to her husband's loving embrace? Zurich.
It's where 90% of the diamonds are now.
The whole thing here was just a diversion.
A diversion? Yeah.
Made them look the wrong way at the small shit while the big shit was happening right under their noses.
Patience is starting a government in exile.
A government in exile, in Zurich? Yep.
She reckons in about three years the government'll fall and she'll have enough resources and support to move in and take over.
Yeah, well, either that or she'll be living the life of bloody Riley in Switzerland.
Yeah, that's possible.
I'll concede that.
But even if you're right, she hurt her husband and the government, and they are really, really bad guys, Dad.
I'm sure they are, mate.
But tell me, were you in on this from the beginning? Not the beginning, but pretty early on, yeah.
What did you get out of it? An education.
She taught me a lot, Patience.
You played me.
I had to.
I'm sorry.
Fuzz, you risked your whole fuckin' future No, I didn't.
I knew if you thought I was innocent, you'd get me off.
And I was right.
You had that amount of faith in me? I always have, Dad.
Yeah, you disappointed me a lot over the years, but I never lost my faith in you.
I've always known you love me and you would fight for me.
OK, I'm thinking eggs.
Paul Wendon, you are the stepson of the mining and media magnate Tikki Wendon.
Your stepmother is the major client of Bligh Phillips and you are a close friend of James Horner.
Ah, no, we're not close.
I've met him but I hardly know him.
So James Horner is not someone you would regularly, say, do drugs with? No, I don't do drugs.
- You don't take drugs? - No.
Never have.
No way.
He's digging a hole halfway to China.
OK, so not a friend and you don't take drugs.
Commissioner, I wish to play a taped phone message intercepted and given to us by the Drug Squad.
OK, what's she got here, Horny? Fuck, I don't know.
Horny! Horny, fuck, mate, where are ya? I'm standing outside Splatter, waiting for you, you arsehole.
You carrying? 'Cause I'm light.
How the what? Mate, why are you calling me? Call Robbie.
Well, fuck Robbie! I need a couple of beers, mate.
Can you make the call? Ah, yeah, yep.
Yeah, that James Horner.
Yeah, I know him.
He's ah, he's a mate of mine.
So what? You regularly buy cocaine, do you not, Mr Wendon? No.
No, I deny that.
June 21, there was a break-in at TWE.
Computers were stolen, mainframes smashed and an elderly security guard was shot dead.
It was on your floor, wasn't it? I don't know anything about that.
It's got nothing to do with me.
I hope he speaks Mandarin.
.
.
your stepmother moved you right out of the building, to work on Cal McGregor's cable show.
Tell me, where you behind this break-in? No.
Mr Wendon, do you know the penalty for perjury? Oh, it was just an email.
I'm sorry? What was just an email? What's the email you're I only wanted him to go in and get rid of the bloody email.
Again, Mr Wendon, what email? I never asked anyone to go kill the old bugger.
Objection! Alright, you know me, Cleave.
You know it was an accident! Objection! I swear to God.
I swear, Cleaver.
Tell 'em.
- I never meant to anyone to die - Quiet! I'll have quiet in my court! Quieten down.
Oh, no, I did not mean 'reply all', I did not mean 'reply all'.
We will soon be in possession of what I'm told is a very, very revealing email.
Fucking prick! David shitwit Potter's got the fucking thing.
Why don't we? It's Tikki Wendon and it's Bligh Phillips, so our only choice is psychological warfare.
Mr Greene? Your Honour? You're wearing sunglasses.
Fraud, fraud, fraud, fraud, fraud.
All good.
Stupid corporate toolbag! He's just recovered from cancer, only got one ball, hello!
God only knows what they've taken.
Nothing happens on this floor of any consequence.
Still, something might have leaked out, or Like what? This is about our partnership.
Guess who owns 80% of this restaurant? You can't guarantee that I am not going to jail, right? - It's 120 million bucks, mate.
- Tikki's casino.
She wants it, Bligh Phillips wants it, and I want it.
Patience is the wife of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
We're in love.
She planted the diamonds in your case so that you'd take the fall if you got caught, alright? I have a life with this man.
Roger's a drug dealer.
Right! - Oh, fuck.
- Go! Mate.
Who would watch the Olympics if no-one ever broke a world record? Come on! You're all so damned smart and hoity-toity! You fuckin' tell me! They're valid arguments, Roger.
If you come out and release the hostages, we can discuss that.
Sport needs drugs! People like me, people who create a race of super athletes, achieving goals beyond anything you can fuckin' imagine.
I don't know, I can imagine pretty big, Rog.
Shut up, please.
So without performance-enhancing drugs, there are only amateurs.
The flipside of course, and personally more interesting, would be to let people do no exercise at all, eat mountains of shit and watch what happens when they try to play sport.
Stadiums clogged with obese people - You will die here today.
- No, he won't.
Stop it please, Roger.
I'm begging you.
No need to get hoity-toity, Rog.
I've watched you try and destroy my relationship from day one, Greene.
You're making a good fist of it yourself now.
Shut it! Respect! Respect for your elders! - How? - Just shut up, Fuzz! I'll put my case to the police.
I'll make them see reason.
Roger, we have the church surrounded.
This can go nowhere.
Please come out, let's talk.
Your father arrived drunk on our wedding day and took a swing at my poor dad.
Called me a whore in front of the whole Randwick Presbyterian congregation.
But we worked it through.
That's what people did in our day.
No, no, no, you are honestly not citing your marriage as an argument.
Your marriage is the reason I became a psychologist! Fuckin' hell.
Me, a psychologist.
Three marriages and a son who's a diamond mule.
- Hey, I told you I didn't do it - You! Three months ago, you left with a happy-clapping Christian virgin girl who I thought was ever so slightly boring but completely harmless and you return with a suitcase full of blood diamonds and a 45-year-old Congolese woman! Oh, she has an identity beyond a 45-year-old Congolese woman.
Her name is Patience and she's from Bondo, and she's amazing.
Come on, Roger, we can work this out.
You.
Oh, mate.
Oh, come on.
For the love of dog, just leave the poor old girl alone, will ya? Come on, mate.
Dad! Are you alright? Oh, shit bags.
Roger, do you mind if I approach? All I want to do is talk to you.
Are you alright there, madam? Fit as a fiddle, thanks.
That's far enough! Let me ask you a question, sonny.
Would you really have preferred if Lance Armstrong had not won the Tour de France seven times? Frankly, I'm a bit bored with all this Lance Armstrong bullshit.
Let's get out of here before he moves onto ping pong.
Come on.
Sit down.
Trust me, this is my fourth siege.
Hey, Rog? We're going now, mate, if that's OK.
Dad, sit down, for fuck's sake.
No, no, we're going.
Both of you, up, now.
You sit down.
Or I swear You swear what, mate? No, no.
I've known lots of killers in my time, and I hate to disappoint you, but you're not one of them.
I bloody am.
No, no, you're not.
You're just an ordinary boring knob trapped in a slipstream of shit.
Now listen, I will get you off with minimum time, OK? In a year or so, you'll be hosting your own chat show.
I'll shoot! No, you won't, trust me.
You're only a little bit nuts.
OK? Now we're going to let go of Prue here, and we're going to keep moving out there.
Don't worry, I'll probably kill her myself one day.
Quietly move towards the cars.
Secure them.
Stop right there! Throw the weapon forward.
It's over, mate.
We can sort this out.
Oh, shit.
I'm so sorry, baby.
Throw it away, Roger.
Please, put it down.
Go, go, go! Get on the ground! Get on the ground! This is like a wedding in the Congo.
You should be with your husband.
He needs you more than ever now.
Mum, I've never had the heart to say this before but you are completely insane.
Is he alright? Christ, I think he's been shot! God! Someone call an ambulance! That's not what I said.
The truth is, Cal Oh, you wouldn't know the truth, pal, if it kissed you on your arse.
I mean, here you are, a government minister paid a fortune to watch over this basket case of a public transport system, and you are doing nothing.
So you know what I'm going to do? I'm calling a protest meeting in Martin Place, 10am this Friday.
Everyone, anyone who cares about the mockery you've made of transport is welcome to join us.
Let's show the government You can't do that.
Let me tell you, friends, for those who do come, I'll personally sign copies of my new book while I'm there - Cal - Come Out Punching.
He's gone rogue.
The man is completely off the reservation.
I build someone up from nothing, give them a high-profile slot, normally I get a few years out of them before their egos get completely out of control.
The mean average is five-and-a-half years.
Alan was much less, Ray was a little more This fool's not gonna make it to six months.
This is serious.
Lunch, then? Better make it dinner.
Mate, when I travelled, I was asked to carry all kinds of shit up my clacker, but I always said no.
Except once.
I always knew never to cross that moral line.
Is this the same moral line that told you to hire a hit man? OK, sometimes it's a bit of a blurry line but I managed to stay in a brothel in Cairo one time for two months without ever having any This'll only take a tick and then you're free to go.
Not much more than a flesh wound.
Oh, fuck me sideways! Holy Mary Mother of God! Mate, it's about restraint, OK? I'm so sorry.
It's OK, Doc.
Look, right up until the time that Rog decided to drill me a second sphincter, I was actually having a ball.
I can't go back to his house.
Well, don't.
Stay at mine.
Long as you like.
Well, um um, my mother will be with us.
Oh, the day that keeps on delivering.
And this is how I will always remember you.
Miss.
What are you do How did you Well, you're all over the news.
Are you guys OK? Oh I'm sorry, I'm intruding.
I'll leave.
No, no, no, Melissa, please stay.
Oh, why not? How are you coping, Wendy? Oh, God! Sorry, sorry.
Felicity?! Sorry, I didn't realise you were giving a Royal Command performance.
You came.
You OK? Yes.
Yeah, well, define OK.
Breathing? Oh, yeah, I'm breathing.
Yes.
You came.
Yeah, I think we've covered that.
Yes, I came.
But I'll I'll go now.
Sorry, I didn't mean to Ohh I'll go.
You're you're breathing.
No, stay! We need something else to look at.
Yeah, I'm Wendy.
I'm his ex.
Felicity.
Right.
Wendy, of course.
I'm Melissa.
I'm his Hi.
Well, whatever I am, it's definitely ex.
I'm Fuzz, his diamond mule son.
Your whole life in one room.
Oh, just the ones who can still tolerate him.
Pull up a chair! Oh, great, we can all make a social event out of this.
Would you lower your bum? I can't see Felicity.
I've got Tikki Wendon's PA on the line.
She wants you to join her for dinner at Renan's tonight.
Does she bloody just? What, with an hour's notice? Tell her no can do.
You are free.
Yeah, but don't bloody tell her that.
Tell her my first vacancy is Thursday, lunch, and I only have a 90-minute window then.
You tell Fuck-arse he makes it to Renan's tonight or No, tell him the Thursday's fine, but I can only do 25 minutes.
Come on, we have to work together.
Please speak to me.
Sure.
You are a fuckin' arsehole.
Is that enough talk? Mm.
You're on with Sarah again, aren't you? No! What have you two been up to, hmm? Ask him.
You don't think we did that? Oh, I know you did that.
Oh, mate, come on.
We're professionals.
That's the reason I know you did it.
You're professional political operatives.
Therefore, by definition, deceitful opportunists.
OK, look, we'd squeezed dry the baby-saving bit, mate.
It wasn't a 'bit'.
I saved a baby! We didn't want to lose momentum.
Third poll of the quarter this weekend, we needed a bounce.
OK, look.
I like this woman, alright? She is a friend of mine.
Do you really think this is going to help either her or me? A lot more than waltzing about with the wife of a cancer-stricken friend.
You leave Scarlet out of this.
David, we don't want to tell you how to run your life.
We are just saying it is much easier to sell core Labor values with the reformed hooker than the slut divorcee.
Get out! Third poll of the quarter.
I actually don't even know what that means.
All I know is that next Tuesday's poll will be followed by another poll the following Tuesday, and so on forever.
And do you know what next Tuesday's poll really is? It is just one more step in our seemingly endless quest to destroy all meaning.
And that is a job you do brilliantly.
I've always wanted to honeymoon in Tahiti.
What do you reckon? I swear to God, I had nothing to do with that.
I have two soon-to-be unemployed advisors who unforgivably over-reached.
Please don't make this a hanging offence.
How could it be a hanging offence? We're just friends, right? Yes.
Yes, we are.
So, you want to spin it out a little longer? OK, now I'm thinking that this is a dream.
When I wake up, you're gonna be even more pissed with me than I thought.
It could be fun.
Go to a few events, a couple of dinners, hold hands sometimes.
What's the harm? Why would you do that for me? Because I find the idea of jerking around the press irresistible.
And I didn't leave you because I didn't like you, I left because I didn't like myself.
I've always wanted to make up for the bullshit way I treated you.
Well, like you said, what's the harm? You have given me 13 of the happiest years of my life.
OK, the last four have been wobbly, but I will always love you, Barney, for those 13.
And for our kids, and for so much more.
I just wanted to start there.
Christ, that was stylish.
Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I've been rehearsing in front of the mirror.
God, I wish I'd rehearsed something now.
All I've got is 'I'm really sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
I wasn't myself.
' No, no, no, no.
We've been over this a thousand times.
If we're going to end it here tonight, then please, let's do it as best friends, hmm? Is that what we're doing here? Ending it? I guess we are.
I'm thinking the fish.
Yep.
I always have the fish.
The duck's good.
Mm.
So, are you gonna move in with that duplicitous two-faced bitch? OK, sorry.
That bit wasn't rehearsed.
OK.
Thanks, Miss.
No worries.
Ow, oh, oh.
So, hot cheeks? Yeah.
Tell me about Felicity.
Well, there's not much to tell, unfortunately.
She's resisted every move I've made.
She did come to the hospital the moment that she heard you'd been shot.
You should have seen the look on her face.
She was worried.
Yeah, your point is? Well, you do have a knack for being blind to opportunities, especially when it comes to romance.
Oh, you can talk.
I have opened the window of opportunity to you at least twice.
And I opened it for you probably four times.
Oh, really? Trouble was that our windows were just never open simultaneously, were they? Maybe your timing's just a bit off.
Maybe it is.
If you do like her, don't rush it.
Just give her some time.
Thank you.
'Night.
Mum's sleeping.
I'm so glad for her.
I feel as if someone has welded a pedestrian bridge between my anus and my scrotum.
The Indians say that this is the last Age of Kali.
The last cycle of man before everything gets destroyed.
I think Kali's starting with me.
Dad used to have a blue heeler cross called Kali.
Used to gnaw at its own genitals.
I don't feel safe anymore, Cleave.
I feel like everything I touch is just going to crumble.
The most ordinary people I know are losing the plot.
See, I got in ahead of the crowd and avoided the rush.
But maybe you were the canary down the mine shaft, showing us all what was ahead and now we're all just catching up to you.
You see? Does he have any idea of the shit that he's in? He seems to think innocence is an actual defence in court.
How long could he get? Do you remember Seminyak, years ago? That hut? No phones.
Fishing boats.
The mosquito net above the bed.
Things made sense then.
You realise, of course, this is all your fault.
You're a failure as a father, a hopeless husband.
Oh, what's that stench? Bouillie.
An omelette with sardines.
African dish.
Oh, God.
Oh, I thought it was your grandmother.
Listen, mate, I've got a Commission hearing this morning, but I still want you to come into my chambers today, alright? What's gonna happen to Patience? Well, we'll talk about that.
That's all that matters to me.
I know.
Roger, even for his faults, is a hundred times the man you are.
I notice your mother has upped her dose of insane pills.
You're speaking You're speaking Indonesian.
This is your fault! I'm sorry, I don't know, Cleave.
I had a client a few years ago who could only speak French when he was smoking ice.
But, you know, his Mum was French, so it wasn't such a big deal.
So you're saying it's a big deal? Um, I don't want to scare you, but it's a bit of a deal.
Right.
But people work through these things.
Right.
So you two are still close? Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
Close, close? Yeah, well, I I love her, and we've got Fuzz together and history and, you know, I hate the idea of her being trapped in this fuckin' weird Balinese parallel universe and there's nothing I can do about it, because I can't help it.
You know what I mean? I can't Yeah, I know what you mean.
I mean, I don't want her back or anything.
You just care.
Yeah.
So that's OK, isn't it? Caring's more than OK, Cleave.
Always will be.
I'll make a few calls.
Thank you.
When I was 11, I wrote in my diary that I was going to be a brilliant surgeon working on people's noses.
I don't know why noses.
I think my friend Lynne Martin had a really big one and I thought, 'I could help her.
' It's time to readjust that paradigm.
Not working out to plan? Oh, what do you think? Scarlet and I told the kids.
Oh, wow.
You OK? Are they OK? Had to happen, didn't it? I don't know.
Did it? So, here I am.
A free man.
You? Free? Well, not for long.
Sorry, I I know I've made a mess of things for you, but I want to make it right.
Oh, right.
Oh, my heart is all a-flutter.
Can you just stop always trying to make things right? This ain't a right time for anything being right.
You're going to be a walking zombie for the next year, and I'm operating on four hours of busted sleep, I'm breastfeeding twice a night and I am back-filing for a man who has lost 86 separate keys to the filing cabinet.
So I'm hearing a no.
No.
You're hearing we have no idea.
Why don't we move in together and see what happens? Take a moment to sort out our filing.
I'll take this.
It'll keep Mum off my back for a day or two.
I won't keep you.
You're busy.
Yeah.
Sort of frantic.
You and Melissa.
I saw the photo in the paper.
Is it true? No, we're not anything.
You kept telling me it was impossible with us, and to stop calling you.
Yeah, well, that's while Barney was sick.
But he's not now.
He and I are getting a divorce, so Wow.
That is big news.
Mm.
Yeah, it's OK.
It's It's sweet, amicable, and a long time coming.
And that's all I wanted to say.
No pressure.
Great.
I'm glad you told me.
OK.
So just give me a call when you've finished processing it.
No No pressure.
I heard.
David? Was she? Out! Yep.
And play a straight bat, OK? Remember, they can ask us anything.
They can pull anything out of the hat.
But it's OK.
Our internal audit had already picked up the $120-million discrepancy and we were about to approach the authorities.
It was most regrettable but we've now instituted stringent measures to prevent this ever happening again.
Not very often you hear the word 'discrepancy' used to describe $120 million down the gurgler.
Bligh Phillips trades in volumes of billions.
Our assets alone under management is around 156 billion, with a group regulatory capital of 7.
29 billion.
We Right, so we shouldn't be too worried about this 120 million dollars, then? Do you know what my chief concern is as CEO of Bligh Phillips? Burgeoning cat populations in the wetlands of Papua New Guinea? I don't know, Mr Strong.
Our reputation.
What do you think happened to the money, Mr Strong? We don't know.
There were so many accounts.
It was a web A web, right.
'Cause I'm just trying to wrap my head around this, because I've seen his car, right? It's a Porsche, and that's a beautiful car.
That would have cost him a pretty penny.
He's got a nice little flat in Woollahra.
He's wearing some lovely shoes today.
Ah, Italian, probably.
I'd say at least 500 dollars.
But I'm still coming in at around of what you say my client stole from you.
What do you think my client did with this discrepancy, Mr Strong? I don't know.
We are trying to work through it.
Right.
So you're not very bright, are you, mate? You know, I thought you were, but you're not very bright, because you shake down all of this cash and then you just stay put and you don't do anything with it.
Why do you think, Mr Strong, having stolen all of this money from you, my client would continue to show up to work every day and risk getting caught by your stringent regulatory controls? First of many rounds, my friend.
We need to talk strategy, OK? You're not gonna leave me stranded here again, are you? We're OK.
I'll be here.
But right now, I have a date with a diamond mule.
Ow! Well, is she there or not? She arrived about five minutes ago.
Drive around the block once more, please, Pete.
I am so, so sorry, Tik.
Mwah! I got caught up and just could not get away.
I took you from prison when no-one else would touch you.
Well, you know what they say about gratitude - it's the shortest-lived emotion.
They also say it's a lively expectation of favours to come.
I rebuilt you up from the loathsome piece of shit you really are, pay you a fortune, and you treat me like this.
I'm sorry, Tik, are we eating here now? Because I am starving, and time is tight.
I could drive my fist down your throat and eat your offal as pate.
Pate.
There's a thought.
Nick, could I get some dips please, mate? The sole reason I hired you was to protect my casino deal, keep the government on side.
Instead, you are pissing them off on stuff you couldn't possibly give a shit about.
Public transport? Three years I've worked and paid off every soft cock in my road, and you jeopardise it.
You're on my channel.
You know your topics.
Stick to them.
You are my bum boy.
When I say 'jump', you jump.
You do as I bloody say.
No, no, correction.
You are my bitch.
You bark when I whistle.
Fuck you! And fuck you right back.
Curtain just came down on your show.
I own this fuckin' city.
No, no, you own a bit of real estate.
I run this town now.
I am its voice.
So it was your toothpaste in your toiletry kit? Yeah.
I was pretty played out when I hit the airport.
I had some sort of weird betel nut thing the night before.
I was seeing a lot of things that weren't actually there.
Ah.
Does it really matter what brand of toothpaste it was? 'Course it bloody does! It means whoever it was had access to your toiletry bag, you goose.
Oh, I thought we'd get round to her.
You want to put this on Patience, don't you? She didn't do it.
Then you did it, OK? 'Cause that's the way a jury's going to look at it.
A or B.
Either you did it or she did it, or both of you did it.
And I choose B.
She's the wife of a government minister.
Oh, she's his fourth wife and she was forced at gunpoint into marrying him.
He's a warlord, Cleave.
You know, I'm kind of married to her, too.
We had some sort of wild ceremony.
This guy waved a branch over us and we drank some wild shit and consummated it in front of witnesses.
Oh, I'm only surprised the Women's Weekly didn't cover it.
You are not going to pin it on her.
The only way that you are gonna stay out of prison and get your Mum to speak a more workable language is if I play the race card and we hope for a tabloid jury.
'Poor innocent white boy falls prey to evil black woman from corrupt African state.
' Do you understand me? That is the way that we are gonna play it! Fine.
I'll get someone else to represent me.
I don't need you.
Let me have a quiet word.
You stupid bloody idiot! Your father is the only person alive who can actually help you here.
Let go.
Hey, can't you see? You're destroying your life, mate.
No, you can't, 'cause you're young and stupid, and you just think everything's gonna sort itself out.
Well, guess what? It won't! Stop it! Wake up to yourself! What the hell is wrong with you? Getting him used to what the next ten years in prison'll feel like.
Keep hitting him and you'll join him.
What's wrong with you? Mate, the woman is setting you up! Well, the woman has asked to see Cleaver.
Sorry, mate.
I would like to plead guilty, please.
So you're admitting you did it? No, but I do not want your son hurt.
The diamonds were planted by my husband.
Not only is he the Foreign Minister, but he is the Minister of Customs, the Head of Police, and he is untouchable.
If you didn't do it, don't plead it.
Even if you did it, don't plead it.
I would prefer prison here to what he would do to me if I go back.
Look, you're going to need a good lawyer, OK? I can't represent you because it'd be a conflict of interest.
Don't worry.
I know someone.
Fuzz is my godson.
You know the only defence I can give this woman is to accuse him.
Of course.
I'm not gonna do it.
I would never do anything to hurt him.
You, maybe.
So let's leave it to some other barrister who hasn't known Fuzz from birth.
He didn't do it, Red.
I know that.
What are you suggesting? I have to represent this woman properly.
Naturally.
Of course.
To the full extent of the law.
With everything that entails.
Ahh.
A full and lengthy and vigorous debate? Probably.
So whose side will you be briefing? My godson's.
And I imagine a lot of facts? Not as many as I imagine.
In Finnegan Greene's suitcase, Customs Officers discovered $7 million worth of stolen blood diamonds.
Diamonds mined under the most terrible of conditions and stolen and smuggled out with the full and knowing cooperation of Patience Muamba, wife of a prominent Government Minister.
This case is anything but simple, touching as it does on the recent, terrible history of the Congo.
Now, it would be impossible for you to make an informed judgement without understanding that recent history, and when apprised of that knowledge, you will find my client, Patience Muamba, innocent.
I take exception with Ms Engel's opening remarks.
She blithely states that to comprehend this case we need to understand the recent history of the Congo.
Nonsense.
Hear, hear.
To get at the truth, we must go much deeper, back to the time of the Belgian occupation, and then methodically work our way through, era by era.
The terrible history of that region.
The Democratic Republic of the Congo, also known as DR Congo has gone through a number of different appellations.
Belgian Congo, The Congo Free State, Republic of the Congo, Zaire DR Congo borders nine other countries, including Angola, Zambia, Tanzania, Rwanda, Burundi, Sudan, Central African Republic.
Belgium colonisation under King Leopold is probably the worst example ever of colonial rule.
The Republic is economically affiliated with South Africa as a member of the South African Development Community, the SADC.
I have a listing of each of the acronyms on a Power Point OK! That's it.
My chambers, now! All rise.
If either of you ever pull this bullshit again, I'll fucking tan your hides and send you to whichever Congo it is we're talking about.
DR Congo.
You're deliberately confusing my jury.
Yeah, 'course we are, Jim.
We're barristers.
I realise he's your son, and that's the very reason you shouldn't be defending him.
Your boy is in very bloody serious trouble, Cleave, and your case is going nowhere and I'll direct the jury to that end.
And the same with you, Ms Engels.
So after your people trawl through my client's luggage at the airport, finding nothing, it would seem, my client leaves and then suddenly the Federal Police are raiding the family home.
Why? We received an anonymous tip-off, which we passed on to the Federal Police.
Didn't that strike you as being ever so slightly convenient? We often get tip-offs.
But wouldn't these normally come before an aircraft lands? Tell me, Officer, what is the airport security like at Kinshasa? Very, very low.
Our government issues travel warnings.
Right.
Tell me, Officer, have you personally flown with a commercial airline in the past ten years? I have.
See, now I'm judging by the ring on your finger that you're a married man.
Has your wife ever packed a bag for you? I don't recall.
Maybe.
So even you, an Australian Customs Officer, may have made a false declaration and been unaware of the contents of his own suitcase.
It's highly unlikely.
But surely 'highly unlikely' also means that it's possible.
So isn't there a very real possibility that my client, a fine young man, working as a missionary with the poorest of the poor, may have been egregiously set up by parties known or unknown.
Your Honour, I must object.
This is hardly a question for this witness.
We all know there's a reason why the diamonds are called 'blood diamonds' and we all know where they came from.
I must protest at the way Mr Greene is wasting our time.
'I didn't know they were in my bag' is a pathetic defence and an insult to this court.
Indeed.
The only merit in your question, Mr Greene, is that it didn't involve a detailed history of Central Africa.
I reject the question.
Can you write it in English? Just try.
Mm.
German.
It's German.
So it would appear that you're speaking Indonesian but writing in German.
I wonder what you're gonna sing in.
But if the question was about Fuzz, um, I don't know.
I'm doing what I can.
What are you doing? You sleepwalking? I got your text.
Yeah.
'Fuzz SOS.
I'm in chambers'.
Yeah.
Is Fuzz OK? Well, physically, not legally.
Well, I already knew that.
I was aware of that.
You know what SOS stands for? Save Our Souls.
Yeah! Yeah.
I was emoting.
You don't emote with an SOS, Cleaver.
An SOS is not a call for emotion.
It is a call for action! You know, I got up with my breasts leaking, I I left my child and I drove into the city because you were emoting.
Well, I didn't ask you to come.
I thought that something terrible had happened.
You should have called.
I did.
Did you? Oh, shit.
See this? This Polish phone of your mother's Oh, you're kidding me.
Well, um Look, I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication, alright? But my son is looking down the barrel right now.
And you know that I'd do anything for him.
But I don't think this was a miscommunication, Cleaver.
You wanted me here because misery loves company.
You just want to have me at your beck and call.
Well, let me tell you something.
I'm not your slave.
You don't own me.
I know that you assume that you own me, but you don't.
You're right.
I have made an assumption about ownership which could be wrong.
Which is wrong.
See, it's a question of whether it can be proven.
What, that I'm your slave? That they're blood diamonds.
That's their case.
Their whole case is 'We know where they came from', but actually, we don't know where they came from.
There's got to be somebody on this floor who's got a copy of Drenan on Copyright and Provenance.
Well, I'm dressed for crime.
Your Honour, I wish to What? Exhume the body of King Leopold? No.
I wish to challenge the entire legal premise of this case.
Well, it's a little bit late in the day for that.
You found some law dating back to the time of the Druids? Provenance, Your Honour.
My client, and Patience Muamba are charged with the theft and importation of blood diamonds.
The Crown's entire case is premised on the idea that they stole them and smuggled them into the country.
Thank you for clearing that up for the jury.
Except they haven't established provenance.
Where is the statement or certificate telling us where these diamonds came from in the first place? Where is the evidence that these are, in fact, blood diamonds? Because if the Crown has no proof of where these diamonds came from in the first place, and thus far it's been pure assertion, then the only case we have to answer is one of Customs and Excise, and that's, what, a fine at worst.
Ms Guilfoyle, Mr Greene's point, for a change, is relevant.
Your Honour, if they are blood diamonds, they have no provenance.
Your Honour, with respect, that is an inherent nonsense.
If they have no provenance, then my friend cannot assert that they're blood diamonds.
Nor can she assert theft, nor the importation of illicit substances.
So what's the fine, Your Honour? Just so you know, that's the last time you're going overseas.
Yes, Dad.
Ever.
Yes.
You're not leaving Darlinghurst.
See ya.
I'll call the kids tonight.
OK.
Thank you, all the saints, and thank you, Cleaver Greene.
Get in.
Oh, Col.
Just give me one victorious moment, for God's sakes.
Jump in, will ya, Cleave? Don't you find it exhausting chasing people like me? I mean, I'm exhausted just being me, but chasing people like me? I mean, I honestly reckon that requires more energy than being me.
And if being me is no way to spend a life, then chasing people like me is an even less of a way to spend a life.
So I mean, what is all this spider-and-fly bizzo? Ohh! Oh, I couldn't have said it better myself, Cleave.
You know, I'm exhausted and I'm sick of all this bullshit.
I'm sick of torturing flies.
Oh, right.
Yeah, so we're going legit.
Marcel's is going to be my flagship, but it really needs to go in a different direction.
Well, you can't argue with that.
Close your eyes, Cleave.
No, he doesn't need to close his eyes, sweetie.
You're gonna show him the things? Right so you enter the door, and what do you find? What is the first thing you see? Wagon wheel.
Wagon wheel! Mate, hay bales.
Hay bales.
This is Kirsty's Country and Western Chop Shop.
All the waiters are dressed as cowboys.
Right, there's me.
And all the waitresses dressed as cowgirls.
Yeah, yeah, and what do you hear? Oh, my God, that's karaoke.
That's every country-and-western hit you can think of.
Oh, it's genius, guys.
Inspired.
Yeah.
So what do you want from me? or, you know 100,000 for the toilet seat that Elvis busted? No, no.
We're gonna buy you out.
Fuckin' lawyers say we have to pay you to get rid of you and so this way it'll look like you've been paid a good whack for your shares.
See? Really? So the 300 grand you say I owe you Just sign on the dotted line, Cleave, and then we're done.
Seriously? Seriously.
Just sign.
I love you.
I love you.
Hey, Cleave.
Ho! How are you, mate? Where's Patience of Bondo? She got on a plane last night.
Back to her husband's loving embrace? Zurich.
It's where 90% of the diamonds are now.
The whole thing here was just a diversion.
A diversion? Yeah.
Made them look the wrong way at the small shit while the big shit was happening right under their noses.
Patience is starting a government in exile.
A government in exile, in Zurich? Yep.
She reckons in about three years the government'll fall and she'll have enough resources and support to move in and take over.
Yeah, well, either that or she'll be living the life of bloody Riley in Switzerland.
Yeah, that's possible.
I'll concede that.
But even if you're right, she hurt her husband and the government, and they are really, really bad guys, Dad.
I'm sure they are, mate.
But tell me, were you in on this from the beginning? Not the beginning, but pretty early on, yeah.
What did you get out of it? An education.
She taught me a lot, Patience.
You played me.
I had to.
I'm sorry.
Fuzz, you risked your whole fuckin' future No, I didn't.
I knew if you thought I was innocent, you'd get me off.
And I was right.
You had that amount of faith in me? I always have, Dad.
Yeah, you disappointed me a lot over the years, but I never lost my faith in you.
I've always known you love me and you would fight for me.
OK, I'm thinking eggs.
Paul Wendon, you are the stepson of the mining and media magnate Tikki Wendon.
Your stepmother is the major client of Bligh Phillips and you are a close friend of James Horner.
Ah, no, we're not close.
I've met him but I hardly know him.
So James Horner is not someone you would regularly, say, do drugs with? No, I don't do drugs.
- You don't take drugs? - No.
Never have.
No way.
He's digging a hole halfway to China.
OK, so not a friend and you don't take drugs.
Commissioner, I wish to play a taped phone message intercepted and given to us by the Drug Squad.
OK, what's she got here, Horny? Fuck, I don't know.
Horny! Horny, fuck, mate, where are ya? I'm standing outside Splatter, waiting for you, you arsehole.
You carrying? 'Cause I'm light.
How the what? Mate, why are you calling me? Call Robbie.
Well, fuck Robbie! I need a couple of beers, mate.
Can you make the call? Ah, yeah, yep.
Yeah, that James Horner.
Yeah, I know him.
He's ah, he's a mate of mine.
So what? You regularly buy cocaine, do you not, Mr Wendon? No.
No, I deny that.
June 21, there was a break-in at TWE.
Computers were stolen, mainframes smashed and an elderly security guard was shot dead.
It was on your floor, wasn't it? I don't know anything about that.
It's got nothing to do with me.
I hope he speaks Mandarin.
.
.
your stepmother moved you right out of the building, to work on Cal McGregor's cable show.
Tell me, where you behind this break-in? No.
Mr Wendon, do you know the penalty for perjury? Oh, it was just an email.
I'm sorry? What was just an email? What's the email you're I only wanted him to go in and get rid of the bloody email.
Again, Mr Wendon, what email? I never asked anyone to go kill the old bugger.
Objection! Alright, you know me, Cleave.
You know it was an accident! Objection! I swear to God.
I swear, Cleaver.
Tell 'em.
- I never meant to anyone to die - Quiet! I'll have quiet in my court! Quieten down.
Oh, no, I did not mean 'reply all', I did not mean 'reply all'.
We will soon be in possession of what I'm told is a very, very revealing email.
Fucking prick! David shitwit Potter's got the fucking thing.
Why don't we? It's Tikki Wendon and it's Bligh Phillips, so our only choice is psychological warfare.
Mr Greene? Your Honour? You're wearing sunglasses.
Fraud, fraud, fraud, fraud, fraud.
All good.
Stupid corporate toolbag! He's just recovered from cancer, only got one ball, hello!