Ramy (2019) s03e07 Episode Script

1
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪
- Says here you're not an organ donor.
- MO: Yeah. [SPEAKING ARABIC]
It's haram to save a life?
I don't want anybody
mutilating my body after I die.
I mean, I'll donate
money, shoes, whatever,
but I'm not meeting
Allah without my kidneys.
AHMED: I'm not even supposed
to be reading your file.
I told you, I can't be your doctor.
After Ramy, I'm done helping friends.
MO: Don't flatter yourself.
You're my second-opinion doctor.
I saw another guy first.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
I already did the test.
Why don't you just read it, okay?
Well, your cholesterol is insane.
You're prediabetic.
You're basically on
the verge of a coronary.
That's what my first doctor said.
- Did you talk to him?
- No, it's obvious.
Look at the way you eat.
I follow a Mediterranean diet.
Eating the falafel you fry in your truck
isn't Mediterranean.
You need to eat healthier.
Stop calling me fat. All right?
I'm just prepared.
AHMED: Prepared for what?
I don't know. Apocalypse.
Pandemic part two, three, four maybe.
My body can go without food or water
for at least two, three weeks.
It's like a savings account.
Please do not try that. You will die.
Could you just get off
of this traditional Western medicine?
I'm talking about some
sahaba level stuff here.
How do you think our
ancestors traversed the desert?
Without food or water, it
goes in your fatty deposits
and it changes that to ketonic energy.
And then it metabolizes into water.
Stop listening to Joe Rogan.
It's science, okay?
I think I'm having a gut issue.
[WHISPERING] I just
need a poop transplant.
- A fecal transplant?
- MO: Yeah.
Have you lost your mind?
- You're you're Mo Rogan.
- MO: Fine.
I did get it off of
Rogan, but it's true.
The doctor on there
said, with healthy poop,
it can transform your
entire body chemistry
within two days, all right?
I can transform my
entire cholesterol levels
without doing shit.
I just need new shit.
- New shit? That's what
- [DOOR CLICKS]
- MAJED: Uncle Ahmed.
- MO: [SPEAKING ARABIC]
We're in the middle of a session
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
The nurse said you
didn't have a patient.
AHMED: I don't. I'll
be there in a minute.
Come here, Majed.
MO: Uncle Ahmed?
That's a real patient, okay?
Her husband has a rare condition.
They flew him from Saudi for treatment.
We've been trying for almost a year.
Students have been observing him.
- Nothing's working.
- [SPEAKING ARABIC]
AHMED: Yeah. I got a
lot to deal with, okay?
So I need you to go home
and have some vegetables
and take a yoga class.
Yoga?
AHMED: Yes. Yoga.
I'd rather give up my kidneys.
[BRIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪
What are you doing out here?
My mama told me to wait outside.
Do you wanna do some listening?
- Okay.
- There you go.
Just grab it like that.
You just put it to your heart.
Have fun.
[HEART BEATING]
Hanan, I'm so sorry
I was with a patient. He
abuses the medical system.
I looked at Faisal's
numbers this morning,
and unfortunately, it's
the same as yesterday.
We know his time is near.
That's why I wanted to speak with you.
We're making arrangements for after.
In the last ten months,
we've been in awe of
you as a Muslim man.
The way you practice medicine,
the care you've shown to our son,
and all the prayers you've made with us.
I wish I could have done more.
Faisal's illness brought
us closer together.
We've had conversations
couples don't usually have.
We've talked about the type
of man I would like to be with
after he dies.
Faisal has been so great
about discussing it together.
Wow. That's very open.
And I kept thinking,
all I can pray for
is a man like Ahmed.
And then I thought
what if it was Ahmed?
What?
HANAN: I shared how I
was feeling with Faisal,
and he said he was thinking
the exact same thing.
It was last month, when he could talk.
Oh, right. Okay.
Okay. Yeah.
I know you're married.
But I also know there are instances
where our faith allows a man
to be married to more than one.
Are you
are you proposing to me?
Of course we'll have to discuss it
with your wife as well.
Islamically, she must be involved.
Hanan, I'm very flattered. I am.
And look, there's so many men out there
and someone as special as you,
I'm sure it's easy to find someone.
I've been on all the Muslim dating apps.
Every guy is the same.
After talking to them for an hour,
I realize they're looking for a wife
to replace their mother.
And I'm looking for a father for my son.
I mean, think of your friends.
Do you know any single,
reliable Muslim men?
No, uh, not my friends.
No, no.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
HANAN: Look, you don't
have to answer now.
Okay.
I just wanted you to know
you have Faisal's blessings
while he's still with us.
It's kind of hard to tell
what's going on with him.
I
Faisal, blink twice if you approve.
That feels like regular blinking.
I-I can't tell if the
pace was simultaneous.
Uh, it's-it's
Faisal, habibi, I know you're tired.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
Nod your head so Ahmed knows.
[AIR PUMPING]
Are you nodding from
what Hanan was saying?
Is that the only direction
you can move your head?
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Look, it's not like I've considered
something like this before.
To be honest, I judged it.
But in this situation, I just feel
This could be right.
What do we know?
Do we know if anything is right?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
No, it it's the air.
I think I can't breathe.
HANAN: What do you do about that?
Holy shit.
HANAN: [SPEAKING ARABIC]
This is amazing.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
♪
Mo, stop it. You're
not gonna convince me.
Bro, get over here. Okay?
Look, man, you gotta do it.
This is what you've been waiting for.
What are you talking about?
I can't do this. It's insane.
No. No.
How long you been wanting a kid?
You've been praying that
Yasmina changes her mind,
but she won't.
Okay, now God gave you
this whole other thing.
This isn't right.
- I can't.
- You're allowed four.
You're struggling at two?
What's the matter with
you? Two is a cake walk.
Look, I know it's a little alternative,
but it's a legitimate solution.
Um, like a poop transplant.
I can't have a second wife.
You're the most
indecisive person I know.
I'm starting to question
your faith in Allah.
Why my faith in God?
'Cause you pray five times a day,
but you can't see a clear sign
when it's right in front of your face.
It's right here, and you can't see it.
Have you lost your mind?
You gotta put that away.
The students use this.
This is as close as you're
getting to having a baby.
YASMINA: [SIGHS]
- Ahmed.
- AHMED: Come on.
YASMINA: What's with
all the measurements?
I think we're fine.
I told you we should
have fixed the foundation
before we moved in.
Now the house is on a tilt.
It's affecting the qibla.
We need to be at compass 71.3,
true direction 58.4.
But the coordinates change every month.
So God's not gonna accept our prayer
if we're half a degree
left of the Kaaba?
I don't exactly know how Allah judges.
Do you? Did he tell you?
What's wrong tonight?
Y-you know that patient
I've been telling you about,
um, from Saudi?
The one with the kid?
Yeah. You know, uh
Yeah, he's, uh
not gonna make it.
- He's dying.
- [SIGHS]
Habibi, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, and, you know, his, uh
his wife was saying
well, actually he and,
uh, his wife were saying
that, you know, there's, um,
not a lot of good Muslim men,
which I think isn't really fair.
Yeah.
You know, we're such a small population,
and we have all this
expectation of masculinity
put on us while simultaneously trying
to shed terrorist stereotypes.
Yeah. It's tough.
It is, right? It's very, very tough.
It's, you know, um
and, you know, she was,
um, asking, you know
kind of, um, wondering, uh
if I could, you know,
help with, uh, some of the
family duties after he passes, you know?
Like at times of war when men would die.
When there was a shortage of men
and they took on other wives?
I was always afraid something
like this would happen.
What? You were?
Yeah, it's in our faith,
and I know how by-the-book you are,
and I know how attractive
you are to women,
especially when the
pool of men are so small.
Muslim men are at war.
Uh, we are?
Yes.
We've lost our men to porn, white women,
general colonized thinking.
We're at war.
Well, you know, I'm at
war with nobody, you know?
Obviously I'm a pacifist.
I'm just telling you what happened.
So
- You wanna do this?
- What? No!
Not a not at all. God, no.
I was just thinking.
You know?
Just, uh, a little bit.
Just a tiny bit.
You know?
Sh-sh-she does have a-a kid,
and I've
you know, I've always
wanted a kid, you know,
for-for a long time, and, you know
since you don't want one
Don't turn this on me.
I just wanted to give you all
the info so you can decide.
YASMINA: So I can decide?
Yeah, Islamically, you'd have
to approve something like this.
But I have to approve
something you wanna do.
You want me to want this for both of us?
What the fuck is
actually wrong with you?
Maybe you should just talk to her.
So I've been married to
you since I was fucking 22,
but I'm supposed to go
to a woman you just met
so she can tell me what you want?
We should pray. Let's just pray.
I'm praying upstairs.
That's not
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
The house is sinking.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SUSTAINED] Ohm.
Ameen.
INSTRUCTOR: Let's go into Cat-Cow.
[TRANQUIL MUSIC]
♪
From here, let's go into a back bend.
[SIGHS]
♪
INSTRUCTOR: Downward-Facing Dog.
[GRUNTS]
♪
Dena?
INSTRUCTOR: Let's get on the floor.
Shavasana.
♪
MO: What's up with all the
body parts flying around?
You got tits, ass, camel-toe.
I'm just trying to exercise.
The fuck is going on?
[CHUCKLES]
Well, the clothes are for flexibility.
- Mm.
- But I'm sorry
that we don't dress to
accommodate your hormones.
I mean, why don't you just do it
like at the mosque, right?
Keep the men in the
front, women in the back,
everybody's in prayer mode.
Everybody's just focused, in the moment.
Dude, what's wrong with you?
What?
I'm just saying most
of the men that go there
are not attractive to women, all right?
They're either out of shape or gay.
It's so weird.
Like, you're our age,
but you think like my uncle.
Sometimes I think the old
ways are gonna die out,
and then I talk to you.
You know what? Ahmed's
getting a second wife.
Now that's disturbing.
- DENA: What?
- Yeah.
- DENA: Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm dead serious.
His patient's dying, and
he's just swooping in.
Now that's old thinking.
Ahmed?
- No fucking way.
- MO: Yeah.
That's the kind of thing I
would have expected from you.
[CHUCKLES] That's right. Wait, what?
By the way, Yasmina's
never gonna let that happen.
God, this whole multiple wives
bullshit rule is so patriarchal.
It's just they do that,
then it should apply to women too.
It's gotta go both ways.
[CHUCKLES] Want a second husband?
Maybe I do.
I have different sides
to my personality.
Maybe I wanna express
them with different men.
Ugh.
Also, you know what? It's illegal.
You cannot marry more than
one person in this country.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
What do you want from us?
Let me be clear about my intentions.
If I didn't have Majed, I
would never bring this up.
I'm just looking for the right
person to help me raise my son.
I'm looking for a practical setup,
the halal security of
a marriage contract.
So this is about money?
I don't mean to sound stereotypical,
but I'm Saudi; I don't need money.
This is spiritual.
I feel like I've met a rare soul.
Do you love my husband?
I'm not delusional.
True love hasn't had time to grow.
But there is a strong attraction, yes.
He has qualities I deeply admire
that I'd hope he would pass on to Majed.
I get it. You love your son.
[SIGHS]
I think you're going
though a lot right now,
and it seems like you're
not thinking clearly.
I would take the time our
faith gives you to process.
The 'iddah says there
has to be four months
between the funeral of a
spouse and a new marriage.
I'm not married anymore.
What?
Faisal and I divorced months ago
for this reason.
I wanted to talk to men
while he was still alive.
And 'iddah for divorce
is three menstrual cycles.
I've just had my third.
[TENSE MUSIC]
HAROUN: Time of death, 11:46 a.m.
Are you sure?
What?
Are you sure he's dead?
Yeah.
Let's give it a sec.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
[SLURPING]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
AHMED: You sound great, Steve.
Somehow, you're improving.
I don't even believe in God.
AHMED: Astaghfirullah.
Steve, it shows here that
you're an organ donor.
STEVE: Yeah, of course.
I wanna help people.
Wild, it feels like all your
organs are all secondhand.
Actually, his organs are in great shape.
They don't support as much.
The controller doesn't
need my organs when I die.
Controller? The fuck you talking about?
STEVE: Bostrom's simulation theory.
This is all one giant computer game.
The way to succeed at this game
is to be as entertaining as possible
because you don't want the
controller to delete you.
You must hate the controller
that created your character.
- I mean, you have no features.
- STEVE: Less is more.
I'm inherently entertaining.
So I really don't have
to do much to please him.
Have you seen how
awesome my girlfriend is?
We turn heads.
This simulation is thrilled with us.
- It's you two I'm worried about.
- Us?
STEVE: I don't want
you two to get deleted.
Ahmed, you must marry this woman.
This is your chance to
finally do something exciting.
Fuck being a doctor.
This is your ticket.
Take it.
Why do you think Mo's
cholesterol is all fucked?
I'm telling you, man, the controller
is sending you a warning shot.
Listen, man, time's ticking.
The guy just died, okay?
You gotta make a decision.
I have a meal set up with Amu Hakeem.
- Who?
- MO: Amu Hakeem, bro.
The guy's amazing.
He's a Brooklyn legend.
He has four wives.
I've been consulting him on this.
You've been consulting about me?
No, about me.
All right? The guy's a wizard.
But this fell into your lap.
Take advantage of it.
STEVE: [CHUCKLES]
Amazing simulation.
AMU HAKEEM: These are my wives.
This is Nafisa. This is Amira.
This is Aldia and our daughter Nadirah.
And this is Munira and our son Amir.
Hamdullah.
Gorgeous. What an operation.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
You know, our faith teaches
the most important part
is that every partner
must be treated equally.
So everyone gets a
picture in the wallet.
You know, I have four wives.
Look how big my wallet is.
I feel it digging into me,
into my side every single day
reminding me of the
commitments I've made
to honesty and balance.
Which is why I have
to ask you, brother
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
Why do you want another wife?
Honestly.
I don't know if I want to.
What?
I mean, I will if God wills it.
Mashallah. Of course.
Yes. There's always God's will.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
[HAND SANITIZER SQUELCHING]
But I wanna know, what do you want?
I want whatever God wants.
Yeah, you can't just put
it all on God, brother.
What is your gut telling you?
I don't know.
HAKEEM: Think about your gut.
Physically, literally, what's it saying?
I'm not sure. It's confusing.
Like, I wanna have a kid,
and whatever Yasmina feels is right
is what's meant to be.
You want your wife to choose for you?
What is all this indecisiveness?
This guy has no gut.
I keep telling him gut
health is super critical.
You know that a poop transplant
can actually help you think clearer?
I believe it. Wallahi, I do.
Brother, I'm struggling to understand
how you're married to even one person.
[FOOTSTEPS CREAK]
Nafisa!
Salaam. Hakeem.
Sweetie, I've been a rude host.
Would you mind getting these brothers
something to drink, please?
- NAFISA: Of course.
- We need to take a walk.
Come with me.
I need you to speak to my wife.
Wasn't that your wife inside?
Nafisa, of course.
But she'll just get
bored talking to you.
I'm trying to think which
wife will actually help you.
Your other wife lives here?
All four do. I bought half the block.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
Every house is exactly the same way.
[SIGHS]
Amira. My first wife.
You should speak to her.
AMIRA: I took this photo in Ghana.
I was there for four
weeks just taking photos.
I had set up this makeshift
darkroom in the basement
of a restaurant that
belonged to a woman I met.
AHMED: Wow. That's beautiful.
I was only supposed
to be there for a week.
But I kept extending,
waiting to see where
the trip would take me.
You know? I liked it.
Like, it's there's room here.
You know, there's room
for something different.
I never wanted the traditional thing.
Men are sensitive and
need a lot of attention.
This setup, it's a lot
less emotional labor.
Emotional labor.
AMIRA: But Hakeem was up-front with me
when we first got married.
He said it was something
that he'd be interested in.
You know, he's the kind of guy
that says everything he's thinking.
So did marrying someone else
come up when you met your wife?
No, no.
We always said we wanted kids,
but then when we got
married, she changed her mind.
And what did you say?
I was disappointed, but
I didn't say anything.
You didn't say anything?
No, I just prayed on it.
That's some weak-ass shit.
Uh, what?
- I'm sorry?
- AMIRA: Come on, man.
I mean, what's wrong with you?
I
I don't know why Hakeem
asked me to speak with you,
but I'm gonna go.
[DOOR SLAMS]
HAKEEM: The New York
Knicks. [SPEAKING ARABIC]
This is a team that seemingly
does not respond to prayer.
I prayed for them.
I've asked big Awliyah to pray for them.
And truthfully, I believe
the New York Knicks
are carrying the sins of
the entire city of New York.
Mashallah. How was tea?
Uh yeah.
Okay.
Okay. I have to use the bathroom.
So I'll make wudu and then we pray.
Yeah, sure.
Mo, we gotta pray. We need to pray.
- Did you make wudu?
- No.
I'm gonna do the travelers prayers.
I'm gonna combine them later.
AHMED: Traveling?
How is this traveling?
You know, we're from Jersey.
We're in New York. I'm a visitor here.
It's 20 minutes.
We crossed state lines, Steve.
What do you know about this?
I don't think the Quran says anything
about crossing state borders.
Well, it's open to
interpretation, sister.
All due respect.
Speaking of the Quran,
explain to me again why you
can't have another husband?
NAFISA: Things just are as they are.
For every right a man receives,
a woman receives a complementary one.
Even if it doesn't look the same.
You don't always have to understand it.
You just accept it.
You're in a wheelchair,
and I don't know why.
It just is.
STEVE: It doesn't have to make sense.
It's the choice of the controller.
You all ever fuck each other?
Like, at the same time?
Astaghfirullah.
- Hakeem!
- Steve, come on.
- NAFISA: Hakeem!
- What are you talk
- Hakeem!
- HAKEEM: What happened?
Are you okay?
Come get this jinn out of my house.
HAKEEM: What'd you say to my wife?
Which one?
I can't handle this.
I'm gonna go make wudu.
[WATER RUNNING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Loud kitchen. I'm making a killing,
but there is such a thing as
too many cooks in the kitchen.
Let me tell you. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah. I took your advice.
- MO: Oh, you did?
- Yeah.
So you're speaking with Yasmina?
No, um, you know,
uh, the transplant advice.
Uh
I'm gonna
put this in my gut,
and then I'll be able to
make the right decision.
What is that?
It's, um
I took Amu Hakeem's poopoo.
His yeah, I took his poopoo.
It was there.
I didn't think it was gonna be there.
I went in, I looked in the mirror,
and I was about to cry.
I don't know why I was gonna cry.
I was, like, overwhelmed.
And then I turned, and
the poopoo was there.
It was just, like, staring at me
like it was almost talking.
It wasn't saying "Take me,"
but it was like, "I want out."
And then I-I got it.
I grabbed it with two
hands, and I didn't look.
I-I closed my eyes,
and-and, you know, I did it,
and I was very surprised.
I was quite shocked that I was able
to take poopoo out and
and I'm gonna, you
know, put it in my gut.
Have you lost your fucking mind?
- What the fuck?
- AHMED: What?
We've been talking about this.
Maybe it'll help me decide.
[WHISPERING] You brought it in here?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
Into my kitchen? I
could lose my restaurant.
He seems like a strong guy,
and I thought maybe if I was like him
on a biological level
You take his poop, but
you can't take his advice?
No way the controller likes this.
- Get the fuck out.
- This was your idea, Mo.
Take your shit and get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Get the fuck out.
Now!
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
Fuck.
Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Why? Why?
Why did I do this? This is human shit.
I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.
I shouldn't be doing this.
It's weird. I brought it into the house.
Fuck Joe Rogan! Fuck Joe Rogan!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I drove shit across t
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
♪
[GLASS SHATTERING]
♪
YASMINA: Ahmed.
What's happening?
- I'm losing my shit.
- What
I stole another man's shit.
What are you talking about?
Why did you break the frame?
AHMED: I don't know
what God wants me to do.
I thought if I could just touch my head
on the carpet that you got me,
I can reconnect us, you know?
- Bring us back to what we were.
- Ahmed, calm down.
I put my head on our carpet,
and I saw it, you know?
I-I don't want another wife.
I want us. I want you.
And I know I can be indecisive,
but I want a child with you,
and you haven't given me a real reason
why you don't want one,
and I deserve to know.
Okay, you want a ch you
want us to have a child?
For what?
I-I saw how we were becoming.
The fighting over every tiny thing.
The tension all the time.
It reminded me of my parents.
I'm not fucking doing that.
The ocean is rising every day.
The climate is turning the Earth
into a fucking ball of fire.
You wanna bring a child into that?
Listen to me.
I'm telling you from my gut.
Our kid your brain,
my hygiene, making a kid?
She's gonna fix global warming.
I've
never seen you like this.
I'm telling you from my gut.
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
YASMINA: [SIGHS] Get a condom.
- AHMED: Still?
- YASMINA: Yeah.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah.
I'm here to pay my
respects as a fellow Muslim
to your husband that just passed.
How did you get my address?
And who are you?
Look, Ahmed's my friend.
I told him I was gonna send you a card,
but I wanted to come over here
and apologize for his behavior.
He couldn't save your husband.
He left you and your
beautiful son alone.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
I know you're looking for partnership,
and I'm desiring to expand
my partnership situation.
So I thought a cup of tea.
This is highly inappropriate.
MO: Wait, wait, Hanan.
I'm a good man.
I have a son already.
I'm getting him to memorize the Quran.
I'm teaching him to become a reciter.
I own seven restaurants,
all of them five stars
with the exception of
one, which is 4.8 stars,
but it was DoorDash's fault.
I can speak four languages fluently.
I speak eight languages
on a restaurant level.
And I fear God.
And I think I love you.
Maybe.
Even though we've never talked.