Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s03e07 Episode Script
Freak Show
It's the oldest thing in the universe, man.
I'm working in a vacuum for the better part of 3 years.
Who tells me anything except the audience?
Moltar, what happened to wylie?
Not my fault.
But I wasn't finished talking to him.
It's not my fault!
Did I say it was?
Man, you don't have to get huffy with me.
Nuqneh, Space Ghost.
Prepare yourself for a dose of my spank ray.
I'm your worst nightmare.
Warp factor 9 and prosper!
I'll be back.
Whoa!
Aaah aaah aaah
greetings there, all people, my people.
Tonight we've got a really fun show
lined up for you that we think you'll
be just tickled about.
Wylie gustafson of wylie and the wild west picture show is here,
and he's going to yodel for us.
Isn't that grand?
Please say "hey now" to zorak and the original way outs.
Please welcome wylie gustafson.
Hello, wylie.
Welcome to the show.
All right.
Thank you.
Wylie's going to yodel for us.
Right, wylie?
Yeah. I can do that.
Um--
bee-Dee bee-Dee bee-Dee!
I'm back, buck.
Ha ha ha!
Aw, crimony in the bucket.
Moltar, are you behind all of this?
I didn't do it.
It's some kind of pirate channel.
Can't you trace it?
Tracing will do you no good, Space Ghost.
I am on an undetraceable subspace frequency that is carried
on a carrier beam that is disguised as a normal holiday,
romulan holiday greeting.
Ok. Listen, sparky, I don't know what you did to the yodeler,
but when I find out where you are-- silence!
I want to talk to zorak.
Hi, zorak.
What?
Give me some gum.
Geek!
Yeah, geek, release your satellite transmission this instant!
But that would go against my prime directive, Space Ghost.
You see, my ultimate plan is to--
What?
What are you doing?
No, I'm not doing anything.
Come do these dishes this instant!
No! I did!
Come do these dishes!
I did that already.
Come do these dishes.
I said I already did the dishes.
Moltar, he's distracted.
Let's see what the scrambler blast does.
You didn't say you wanted them dried!
Ah! Now, that was soothing.
Sorry about the interruption, wylie.
Some nuthead from-- uh, where was he from, Moltar?
The trace only got as far as rigel 4.
Well, wherever he was from, he interrupted our feed.
And that's why, uh-- um, we-- you know--he, um
Hey, wylie, how about doing a yodel for me.
He did the Space Ghost yodel
The Space Ghost yodel
The Space Ghost yodel
Now, wylie, have you even been to the grand ole-- ah! Excuse me.
Have you ever been to the--
Zorak, be a dear and get me some water.
Is that my only part in this show--a water bug?
Look, I'm a mantis, not a silverfish.
Huh?
Uh
You know-- silverfish!
A tiny, active freshwater crustacean found mainly in
the southwestern United States.
I think you're describing a water flea.
Yup, I think that's a water flea.
How about it, wylie?
Water flea or no?
I think so. Yeah.
Well, it all winds up meaning that I
have a crappy part in this week's show.
Mantises, eh, wylie?
When I was in college, I was in a rock band,
but then after playing rock for a while,
I went back to playing country
because, you know, you can't yodel in rock and roll.
Oh, I know.
Tell me about it.
We're back with wylie gustafson of
wylie and the wild west picture show.
He's a yodelier.
Tell me, citizen, how big of an influence
was hee haw on your career?
A huge influence!
Hee haw was probably my most watched show when I was a kid.
Hey, zorak, do you remember junior samples, that lovable fat
used-car dealer?
Just call br-459.
So, do you remember him?
Howdy!
Can I help you?
That's what zorak said
when he controlled your brain in episode 6, the banjo episode.
Remember?
What a maroon!
You know, you're only amusing yourself, son.
Why do we always hurt the ones we love?
Banjo! Banjo!
Banjo!
By the way, mister, for your information, the banjo episode was
episode number 7, not 6.
You're busted!
Oh, that's right.
I'm so stupid!
I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid-- you just think about that, son.
Maybe you'll be a little more careful next time.
Now, release the dang feed!
Ah!
Testy! Testy!
I got a few demands that need to be
met before I relinquish my control.
Moltar, what is going on with the feed?
It's not my fault!
All right, here are my demands, space man, space master.
Get it?
The Professor!
Yeah.
Moltar!
I'm working on it!
Moltar cannot help you anymore, space guy!
Because my power's much too strong for that molten man.
Who are you?
I am commander-- wait! Hold on.
Stinking virus!
I'm back.
I am commander Andy of the cosmos,
and I've come to take over your show.
A big fan.
I believe you had some demands.
Oh, yeah. I want some free stuff.
I want free coffee mugs like you have in the commissary.
I want free t-shirts, the kind that don't shrink,
and I want a free replica
of the phantom cruiser, not the crappy eighties version.
Uh-huh.
Is that all?
I want an autograph.
Oh, yes, and my cousin herndon wants an autograph.
Well, aren't you sweet?
I'm sure I'd be happy to--
No! He want's zorak and Moltar's autograph and some gum.
Ha ha ha!
Dorkly.
Hey, I want to know what the deal was
with episode number 11, the one with
the storyteller guy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know the one.
I had a party over here at my place
to watch a whole new episode of
Space Ghost, like they advertise, but really it was
this crappy rehashing of two old episodes.
I'm afraid you'll have to direct those questions to our friends
in programming.
They can be reached at area code--
because you really disappointed me.
Hello?
Oh, it's you, scully.
Is mulder investigating the disturbance in roswell, new Mexico?
Psst! Moltar, now's our chance.
The cigarette man.
I wonder what this lever does.
Whoops!
Did you get it?
Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that.
Did it work?
Uh, I don't know.
Well, at least you got him to shut up.
So is the yodeler totally gone?
Sayonara.
He's gone, and it's not my fault.
Uh, anyone else for me to talk to?
Well, uh, maybe.
Let's see here.
Hello there, Mr. Space Ghost, where are you?
And just who are you supposed to be?
I'm 100% stupid.
Moltar, do you have any nonfreaks to put in my monitor?
Well, um, no.
Well, that's just great!
Where's Space Ghost?
Oh, shut up!
I want Space Ghost now.
Where is he?
Are you like jeannie or bewitched?
First we started off with some little guitar.
And then I go, "yeah!"
And then the girls go, "whoo!"
And then I go, "hot mamas!"
And then they go, "here's a whole bunch of money."
And then I take all the money, and then I go out and I try
to buy apple Jacks, but you know
then the secret service come in,
and they start hitting me,
and they're hitting me-- "stop hitting me!"
"Who's talking to me?"
"Stop it!"
You look like a woman on the tv.
Ok, that's it.
I can't take this anymore.
Space Ghost, no-- don't leave me!
Anybody have any idea who that was?
Some lost soul cowering behind a cheap costume, afraid to reveal
his true identity.
Aw, for the love of don bohannan.
What now?
I am not amused.
If I was in the same room with you right now, I would give you
the vulcan nerve pinch and knock you out.
Ok. I've had all I need out of you,
Mr. housebreaking wee-wee pads.
Aah!
Ha ha ha!
You see, I've installed this-- this new ultragalactic
spheroidal backlash wompoma.
It--it prevents you from harming me or any of my equipment
through reverse transmission.
Oh, and I have one more demand.
What do you want?
Actually, it's two more demands.
I want a jump rope with the wooden handles,
so, like, it's easy to turn.
I want super elastic bubble plastic-- more lines for zorak.
Lines for zorak, yes, some more of those
A lockable diary Uh, anything else?
Yes.
I want a little brother.
And that's it.
Oh, yes, and one more thing.
I want at least one episode of space
ghost to have a decent ending,
not one that just is abruptly interrupted by the theme--
Cop out! Cop out! Cop out!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Just one more thing!
I'm working in a vacuum for the better part of 3 years.
Who tells me anything except the audience?
Moltar, what happened to wylie?
Not my fault.
But I wasn't finished talking to him.
It's not my fault!
Did I say it was?
Man, you don't have to get huffy with me.
Nuqneh, Space Ghost.
Prepare yourself for a dose of my spank ray.
I'm your worst nightmare.
Warp factor 9 and prosper!
I'll be back.
Whoa!
Aaah aaah aaah
greetings there, all people, my people.
Tonight we've got a really fun show
lined up for you that we think you'll
be just tickled about.
Wylie gustafson of wylie and the wild west picture show is here,
and he's going to yodel for us.
Isn't that grand?
Please say "hey now" to zorak and the original way outs.
Please welcome wylie gustafson.
Hello, wylie.
Welcome to the show.
All right.
Thank you.
Wylie's going to yodel for us.
Right, wylie?
Yeah. I can do that.
Um--
bee-Dee bee-Dee bee-Dee!
I'm back, buck.
Ha ha ha!
Aw, crimony in the bucket.
Moltar, are you behind all of this?
I didn't do it.
It's some kind of pirate channel.
Can't you trace it?
Tracing will do you no good, Space Ghost.
I am on an undetraceable subspace frequency that is carried
on a carrier beam that is disguised as a normal holiday,
romulan holiday greeting.
Ok. Listen, sparky, I don't know what you did to the yodeler,
but when I find out where you are-- silence!
I want to talk to zorak.
Hi, zorak.
What?
Give me some gum.
Geek!
Yeah, geek, release your satellite transmission this instant!
But that would go against my prime directive, Space Ghost.
You see, my ultimate plan is to--
What?
What are you doing?
No, I'm not doing anything.
Come do these dishes this instant!
No! I did!
Come do these dishes!
I did that already.
Come do these dishes.
I said I already did the dishes.
Moltar, he's distracted.
Let's see what the scrambler blast does.
You didn't say you wanted them dried!
Ah! Now, that was soothing.
Sorry about the interruption, wylie.
Some nuthead from-- uh, where was he from, Moltar?
The trace only got as far as rigel 4.
Well, wherever he was from, he interrupted our feed.
And that's why, uh-- um, we-- you know--he, um
Hey, wylie, how about doing a yodel for me.
He did the Space Ghost yodel
The Space Ghost yodel
The Space Ghost yodel
Now, wylie, have you even been to the grand ole-- ah! Excuse me.
Have you ever been to the--
Zorak, be a dear and get me some water.
Is that my only part in this show--a water bug?
Look, I'm a mantis, not a silverfish.
Huh?
Uh
You know-- silverfish!
A tiny, active freshwater crustacean found mainly in
the southwestern United States.
I think you're describing a water flea.
Yup, I think that's a water flea.
How about it, wylie?
Water flea or no?
I think so. Yeah.
Well, it all winds up meaning that I
have a crappy part in this week's show.
Mantises, eh, wylie?
When I was in college, I was in a rock band,
but then after playing rock for a while,
I went back to playing country
because, you know, you can't yodel in rock and roll.
Oh, I know.
Tell me about it.
We're back with wylie gustafson of
wylie and the wild west picture show.
He's a yodelier.
Tell me, citizen, how big of an influence
was hee haw on your career?
A huge influence!
Hee haw was probably my most watched show when I was a kid.
Hey, zorak, do you remember junior samples, that lovable fat
used-car dealer?
Just call br-459.
So, do you remember him?
Howdy!
Can I help you?
That's what zorak said
when he controlled your brain in episode 6, the banjo episode.
Remember?
What a maroon!
You know, you're only amusing yourself, son.
Why do we always hurt the ones we love?
Banjo! Banjo!
Banjo!
By the way, mister, for your information, the banjo episode was
episode number 7, not 6.
You're busted!
Oh, that's right.
I'm so stupid!
I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid-- you just think about that, son.
Maybe you'll be a little more careful next time.
Now, release the dang feed!
Ah!
Testy! Testy!
I got a few demands that need to be
met before I relinquish my control.
Moltar, what is going on with the feed?
It's not my fault!
All right, here are my demands, space man, space master.
Get it?
The Professor!
Yeah.
Moltar!
I'm working on it!
Moltar cannot help you anymore, space guy!
Because my power's much too strong for that molten man.
Who are you?
I am commander-- wait! Hold on.
Stinking virus!
I'm back.
I am commander Andy of the cosmos,
and I've come to take over your show.
A big fan.
I believe you had some demands.
Oh, yeah. I want some free stuff.
I want free coffee mugs like you have in the commissary.
I want free t-shirts, the kind that don't shrink,
and I want a free replica
of the phantom cruiser, not the crappy eighties version.
Uh-huh.
Is that all?
I want an autograph.
Oh, yes, and my cousin herndon wants an autograph.
Well, aren't you sweet?
I'm sure I'd be happy to--
No! He want's zorak and Moltar's autograph and some gum.
Ha ha ha!
Dorkly.
Hey, I want to know what the deal was
with episode number 11, the one with
the storyteller guy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know the one.
I had a party over here at my place
to watch a whole new episode of
Space Ghost, like they advertise, but really it was
this crappy rehashing of two old episodes.
I'm afraid you'll have to direct those questions to our friends
in programming.
They can be reached at area code--
because you really disappointed me.
Hello?
Oh, it's you, scully.
Is mulder investigating the disturbance in roswell, new Mexico?
Psst! Moltar, now's our chance.
The cigarette man.
I wonder what this lever does.
Whoops!
Did you get it?
Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that.
Did it work?
Uh, I don't know.
Well, at least you got him to shut up.
So is the yodeler totally gone?
Sayonara.
He's gone, and it's not my fault.
Uh, anyone else for me to talk to?
Well, uh, maybe.
Let's see here.
Hello there, Mr. Space Ghost, where are you?
And just who are you supposed to be?
I'm 100% stupid.
Moltar, do you have any nonfreaks to put in my monitor?
Well, um, no.
Well, that's just great!
Where's Space Ghost?
Oh, shut up!
I want Space Ghost now.
Where is he?
Are you like jeannie or bewitched?
First we started off with some little guitar.
And then I go, "yeah!"
And then the girls go, "whoo!"
And then I go, "hot mamas!"
And then they go, "here's a whole bunch of money."
And then I take all the money, and then I go out and I try
to buy apple Jacks, but you know
then the secret service come in,
and they start hitting me,
and they're hitting me-- "stop hitting me!"
"Who's talking to me?"
"Stop it!"
You look like a woman on the tv.
Ok, that's it.
I can't take this anymore.
Space Ghost, no-- don't leave me!
Anybody have any idea who that was?
Some lost soul cowering behind a cheap costume, afraid to reveal
his true identity.
Aw, for the love of don bohannan.
What now?
I am not amused.
If I was in the same room with you right now, I would give you
the vulcan nerve pinch and knock you out.
Ok. I've had all I need out of you,
Mr. housebreaking wee-wee pads.
Aah!
Ha ha ha!
You see, I've installed this-- this new ultragalactic
spheroidal backlash wompoma.
It--it prevents you from harming me or any of my equipment
through reverse transmission.
Oh, and I have one more demand.
What do you want?
Actually, it's two more demands.
I want a jump rope with the wooden handles,
so, like, it's easy to turn.
I want super elastic bubble plastic-- more lines for zorak.
Lines for zorak, yes, some more of those
A lockable diary Uh, anything else?
Yes.
I want a little brother.
And that's it.
Oh, yes, and one more thing.
I want at least one episode of space
ghost to have a decent ending,
not one that just is abruptly interrupted by the theme--
Cop out! Cop out! Cop out!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Just one more thing!