Superjail! (2007) s03e07 Episode Script
Nightshift
Oh, life on the outside ain't what it used to be You know, the world's gone crazy, and it ain't safe on the street Well, it's a drag, and I know There's only one place to go I'm coming home Whoa, yeah I'm coming home This is a disaster! Our cafeteria staff is slaughtered.
Our food is tainted with body parts.
How am I supposed to get this place up And running in time for breakfast?! I don't get paid enough for this [Bleep.]
I want a raise.
I can't give you a raise.
But we are a little thin in the kitchen department.
How about a night shift? Screw you.
Double your salary.
You do know how to cook, don't you? Can't be that hard.
It's just a bunch of crap mixed together, right? Come on.
Come on.
I want my midnight snack.
That doesn't look like Salisbury steak.
Jared! Try this.
That's delicious! I know.
It's like my taste buds have been Awakened from a long winter slumber.
Save some for the rest of us, Chubbo.
What's the next event on my calendar? We need an excuse for a feast.
Well, there's nothing on the docket Except for the yearly electric chair - Perfect! We'll have a seven-course last meal of last meals.
Send someone out with a real bang.
But, sir, it's just a test.
Oh, Jared, there you go again worrying about the details.
You should worry about the sweet Deliciousness of flavor that will be creamily rolling down your throat And soaking into your bloodstream.
But if you don't want to be invited to No, I do.
Let's fry someone.
You are invited to a last meal In honor of your execution.
Beef or chicken? Both, please.
Look, real food! No seconds, fatso.
Small seasonal window on black winter truffles.
Oh, I see.
We're not good enough to get picked.
Well, I'm not gonna be asshole Left on the ground here to rot! Looks like the veggies are tired of Being small potatoes.
I hear you're the woman who's Been making my gastric juices go gaga.
Beat it.
I don't have time for food groupies.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Gross.
So, is this special ingredient bigger than a bread box? I mean, I-I don't know what you have planned, But I love macaroni and cheese.
Let's go.
Truffle jackpot.
That's a dirty mushroom.
Truffles are mushrooms, genius.
We almost froze to death For a mushroom, Alice? A mushroom? I mean, blech! I don't want to tell you how to do your job, But I know my inmates, And they don't like mush Looks like someone's been messing with our turf.
Bitch.
What is taking so freakin' long? If I don't eat something soon, I am going to kill someone! I heard Alice's flambé is to die for.
Have some manners.
Where's Alice? Don't worry about it, shorty.
We can handle it.
But Cookie, grab a couple more cases of lips and rectums.
Now is our chance to produce for the produce.
Yes.
Oopsies.
What are you doing here, guard? I don't see anyone who needs raping.
Here we go.
Why are we restraining this man? Let him go.
This is Superjail, man.
We're life affirming.
Speaking of life affirming, Where's our culinary queen? Let's get her out here.
Alice! Be right back.
Alice! Let's move.
So, chef Aphrodite, What's the first course? It's an auberge du pommier.
A what du what? Truffle soup! I love truffles! Smells like No! Don't eat the food! Delicious.
I am stuffed.
I can't wait to see what's for breakfast.
I quit.
Our food is tainted with body parts.
How am I supposed to get this place up And running in time for breakfast?! I don't get paid enough for this [Bleep.]
I want a raise.
I can't give you a raise.
But we are a little thin in the kitchen department.
How about a night shift? Screw you.
Double your salary.
You do know how to cook, don't you? Can't be that hard.
It's just a bunch of crap mixed together, right? Come on.
Come on.
I want my midnight snack.
That doesn't look like Salisbury steak.
Jared! Try this.
That's delicious! I know.
It's like my taste buds have been Awakened from a long winter slumber.
Save some for the rest of us, Chubbo.
What's the next event on my calendar? We need an excuse for a feast.
Well, there's nothing on the docket Except for the yearly electric chair - Perfect! We'll have a seven-course last meal of last meals.
Send someone out with a real bang.
But, sir, it's just a test.
Oh, Jared, there you go again worrying about the details.
You should worry about the sweet Deliciousness of flavor that will be creamily rolling down your throat And soaking into your bloodstream.
But if you don't want to be invited to No, I do.
Let's fry someone.
You are invited to a last meal In honor of your execution.
Beef or chicken? Both, please.
Look, real food! No seconds, fatso.
Small seasonal window on black winter truffles.
Oh, I see.
We're not good enough to get picked.
Well, I'm not gonna be asshole Left on the ground here to rot! Looks like the veggies are tired of Being small potatoes.
I hear you're the woman who's Been making my gastric juices go gaga.
Beat it.
I don't have time for food groupies.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Gross.
So, is this special ingredient bigger than a bread box? I mean, I-I don't know what you have planned, But I love macaroni and cheese.
Let's go.
Truffle jackpot.
That's a dirty mushroom.
Truffles are mushrooms, genius.
We almost froze to death For a mushroom, Alice? A mushroom? I mean, blech! I don't want to tell you how to do your job, But I know my inmates, And they don't like mush Looks like someone's been messing with our turf.
Bitch.
What is taking so freakin' long? If I don't eat something soon, I am going to kill someone! I heard Alice's flambé is to die for.
Have some manners.
Where's Alice? Don't worry about it, shorty.
We can handle it.
But Cookie, grab a couple more cases of lips and rectums.
Now is our chance to produce for the produce.
Yes.
Oopsies.
What are you doing here, guard? I don't see anyone who needs raping.
Here we go.
Why are we restraining this man? Let him go.
This is Superjail, man.
We're life affirming.
Speaking of life affirming, Where's our culinary queen? Let's get her out here.
Alice! Be right back.
Alice! Let's move.
So, chef Aphrodite, What's the first course? It's an auberge du pommier.
A what du what? Truffle soup! I love truffles! Smells like No! Don't eat the food! Delicious.
I am stuffed.
I can't wait to see what's for breakfast.
I quit.