The Bionic Woman (1976) s03e07 Episode Script
Motorcycle Boogie
1
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Who are you anyway?
I'm an agent for the OSI.
Who are you? Evel Knievel.
You're a good bike rider,
but you're not that good.
You have no chance
at all of getting out.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
They must not get away.
Jump it? Who do you
think you are, Evel Knievel?
Yeah. Hang on.
(SCREAMING)
(MAN ANNOUCING IN GERMAN)
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(GREETS IN GERMAN)
PROMOTER: Evel,
I'm telling ya, it's crazy.
You just jumped
over 15 cars why push it?
Hey, this is only gonna be a small
jump that I'm gonna make tonight.
It's for motorcycle
safety in this country,
and they're gonna raise
over three million dollars.
I promised them I'd be there.
Safety? What about
your safety?
Hey, you let me
worry about that.
You know, I got
a question for you.
How come you always do all the worrying
when, uh, I'm jumping for no money?
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
Where you going now?
I'm going to the hotel.
That's whyl changed clothes.
I wanna be incognito so I can
get through that crowd out there.
PROMOTER: Yeah. Well, you be
careful. No crazy cycle riding, huh?
Even Even?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hey, you dummkopf.
Listen, I need your help, huh?
Uh Uh,
how do you say it?
Uh, needen helpen, ja?
No, uh, come on,
follow that car!
Automobil
Oh, come on will ya?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
JAIME: Come on. Step on it.
Don't let him get away.
Hurry! Hurry!
She's catching up.
Checkpoint 43.
This is Schmidt.
We are approaching!
Open the gate!
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
SCHMIDT:
Open the gate immediately!
(MAN ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(JAIME URGING IN GERMAN)
SCHMIDT: They are
still closing.
KGB Berghausen,
this is Schmidt. Do you read?
Berghausen, are you there?
Da, Schmidt, we read. What's
wrong? Do you have the tape?
SCHMIDT: We are almost
at the Bergen gate,
but the Americans
are close behind.
We may need help.
Don't worry, Schmidt.
Help is on the way.
This is Major Petrov.
Send in air and ground support for our
friend Schmidt at the Bergen border gate.
Want to make sure that
there is a welcoming committee
if the Americans decide
to run the border.
Unit 373, proceed
into Bergen gate.
Go faster! Faster! Come on.
Mach schnell! Mach schnell!
Come on, we've gotta get them
before they get to the border.
Hurry! Hurry!
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
Keep on mach schnelling.
PILOT: Air unit AP 429,
proceeding to sector five.
PETROV: Good, if they are
foolish enough to cross the border,
take some extra target practice,
and don't miss.
Understood, Major Petrov.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(SPEAKING MOCK GERMAN)
They went that way.
JAIME: Mach schnell!
More mach schnell.
(MAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh, no!
They crossed the border.
Keep going that way, come on.
Dot Vim Through der fencen'.!
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(EXCLAIMING)
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(GUNS FIRING)
Oh, goot! Good
motorbiken! Danke!
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
Hey, Danke, my eye, lady.
We're in trouble!
You speak English.
That's terrific!
JAIME: Oh, no,
where'd they go?
Hurry up, please.
We've got to catch them.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
OFFICER: Major, the Americans
got through the border.
PETROV: Are they still
behind Schmidt?
No, Major Petrov, they're
headed towards Stotsville,
All right.
All ground units, the Americans
are headed towards Stotsville.
Find them and dispose of them.
JAIME: Well, we lost them.
We're gonna have to go into town.
(OFFICER SPEAKING GERMAN
ON POLICE RADIO)
Phew. Well, we got away
from the police cars,
and the computer tape
got away from us.
Sorry about that.
Oh, you speak English
very well for a German.
German, my eye.
I'm from Butte, Montana.
Montana?
That's a beautiful state.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read?
Beautiful state? I'll be lucky
if I ever get to see it again.
You darn near got us killed.
Look at the bullet hole
in the mirror.
Yeah, I appreciate what
you did. I really, really do.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read me?
Snow White? Hey, you
darn near got me killed!
Those guys aren't
shooting with pea shooters.
Those are real bullets.
I know.
Uh, listen, those guys
stole a computer tape.
Now, I have to get it back.
Computer tapes?
Who are you anyway?
I'm an agent for the OSI.
Who are you?
Evel Knievel.
Right, I'm Jaime Bond.
Listen, you're a good bike
rider, but you're not that good.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read?
Lady, look. There's this place I
have to be this afternoon by 4:00.
(SHUSHES) Snow White?
Do you read me?
This is Speedy.
Come in, please.
Lady? Listen, just give
me a minute. All right?
Snow White? This is
Speedy. Can you read?
Can you read?
Hey, come on, Snow White.
Are you there?
Got you five by five,
Speedy. This is Doc.
Snow White's been called out
of town. Where have you been?
Lady, will you please
listen to me?
They got away
with the computer tape.
Now, we chased them, but Oh,
no. Oscar's gonna hit the ceiling.
Well, I'm sorry. I feel
awful about it myself.
But it's not over yet.
I'm gonna go after it.
Now, where would they take it?
KGB Headquarters. It's
the Soviet secret service.
Okay. Where's that?
Near Berghausen,
inside East Germany.
But you're not going
in there after it.
I told Oscar I wouldn't let
you do anything too risky.
That computer tape was
my responsibility and I blew it.
Now I'm going after it.
No way. Operating behind the
Iron Curtain is too dangerous.
Well, it's a little late.
I'm already here.
What?
Where are you?
I'm in a little town
called Stotsville,
just inside the border.
How'd you get there?
Never mind.
I got a ride. Okay?
You listen to me, young lady.
You just turn right around
and get out of there.
Well, it's gonna be
a little difficult.
We attracted some
attention getting in here.
We? Who's in there
with you?
Uh, there's this guy, see. He's a
motorcycle rider, and he's really very good.
He's gone.
What are you talking about?
I'll call you back.
Jaime!
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
Hey!
Oh, no, you don't.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
EVEL: What the
I must be seeing things.
Have you got a twin sister?
Listen, I need your help,
Mister Whatever.
Knievel. Remember?
Evel Knievel.
Okay. You can be Evel Knievel,
you can be Gunga Din.
I don't care.
I just need your help.
Look, you little ding dong,
I am Evel Knievel.
Don't shout.
Listen, we can do this without
shouting, all right? Don't cause a scene.
Look, lady
It's Jaime. Okay?
Jaime, like, uh,
James Bond. Right?
Jaime Bond.
It's Jaime Sommers.
Okay, Jaime Sommers. I've known
you for about 15 minutes, right?
Right. So far we've
come into East Berlin,
I've been shot
at with real bullets,
they almost wrecked my bike.
Well, yeah, but,
that's, you know
Look, I risk my life, but I
pick the time and the place,
and this isn't
the time or the place.
There are a lot of
people back in West Berlin
who are gonna be disappointed
if I'm not back there to perform.
Okay. Can we talk about
this while we're going?
I mean, there are some
police looking for us, you know,
and I think it'd be a good idea
if we got going. Oh, Dick Tracy.
Oh, brainstorm. Well, how do you
suggest we get back across the border?
Well, uh, carefully.
Okay? We'll be very careful,
but in the mean time, we
have to get that tape first. Okay?
What do you mean we? You
got a mouse in your pocket?
Who do you think I am?
James Bond?
Listen to me.
They've got that tape.
If they decode it, they're
gonna take it to Moscow,
and as soon as they do,
they will be able to break
any of our national security
codes. Do you understand that?
Does that mean anything to you?
Well, it sounds like it
could mean life or death.
Well, it very well
could be.
For who?
For you and me.
Get on.
We have a deal.
(SIREN WAILING)
JAIME: There! Into the truck.
EVEL: You gotta be kidding! I
jump over trucks, not into them.
JAIME: Do it!
Hey, very well done, sir.
Very well done.
Very well done, my eye.
I almost lost all my teeth.
You're gonna lose them again.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Look, we gotta start looking around
here for some clothes. All right?
You check these boxes here, huh?
For what?
For some clothes.
Things we can wear
so we can disguise ourselves.
There's gotta be
something here somewhere.
Now, this
is not your color.
Oh, no kidding.
Is there anything in there?
Yeah, some flowers
and an old sausage stuffer.
What's in that box over there?
Dishes.
How about this one?
Forget that. It's locked.
Well, we'll unlock it.
Sometimes if you give these a hard
yank (BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(CLICKING)
Right. Now come on,
give me a hand, please.
Give you a hand?
I'd like to see where
you got that hand.
Oh, come on.
(SIREN WAILING)
Okay. How's this?
Bona fide member
of the proletariat.
Oh, beautiful. Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, come here.
I found this for you.
This should be great, huh?
You're gonna love it.
Great. Who do you
think I am? King Kong?
Oh, uh, wait. (SHUSHES)
(MAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
What is it?
Oh, it's the cops.
I don't hear anything.
Well, come here.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Now I hear them.
Okay. What are they saying?
You understand any of it?
My grandmother Knievel
taught me a little German.
Your grandmother Knievel,
come on.
What's the radio saying?
Attention all units,
be on the lookout
for girl in red
and white blouse,
and man in blue on
something
Something flying bicycle.
Flying bicycle?
Oh, come on.
I told you I didn't
understand all of it.
Okay. What else?
Come on.
Across border.
Check identification
of anyone looking suspicious.
These two are considered
degener Uh, dangerous.
Oh.
Totschiessen.
Totschiessen?
What's that?
Totschiessen in German
means don't shoot to kill
or shoot to kill.
Swell.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
They're coming here. They're
coming here to search the truck.
We've got to get
out of here. Oh.
Okay. All right.
Okay.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
She's lifting that crate
with one hand.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Okay, get the bike.
Come on. Hurry.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
Now we're gonna need
some kind of identification.
Let's see if this guy's
got some.
Okay.
Gotta leave this fellow
his money.
And a little something extra for
the things that we're borrowing.
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
This is Nicholai Petrov at
KGB Headquarters, Berghausen.
You may report to the Central
Committee that Herr Schmidt
has brought us the
computer data and we will
begin the decoding
process immediately.
It will be on the
plane to Moscow tonight.
Yes, thank you.
Oh, please
Be sure to mention
my name in the dispatches.
Yes. Petrov.
Thank you.
You have done well, Schmidt.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, is there any word on that
OSI agent that was pursuing me?
Yes. She and her motorcyclist
friend are apparently
still somewhere in East Germany.
Our patrols are on
the alert for them.
Do you think that they
may make a further attempt
to recover the computer tape?
Only if they are
interested in suicide.
Shall we go to work?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
All right. Now,
the KGB Headquarters
should be about five
kilometers up ahead here.
So what? What are we
gonna do when we get there?
I'm not sure,
but we'll think of something.
We'll be okay, don't worry.
Yeah, "We'll be okay."
You'll be okay.
You can do anything you want to.
You can pick up a crate
and throw it at somebody.
How strong are you, anyway?
I'm strong enough.
What are we, on
a picnic or something?
Why'd you bring
that lunch bag along for?
Because it's gonna make you
look more like a worker, that's why.
Here, you want a bite?
Oh, get out of here.
Watch where you're
going, will you?
I don't want a bite of anything.
Look, you, I told you, I
gotta get back to West Berlin.
You gotta help me. There are
50,000 people there waiting for me.
Will you stop with this phony
Evel Knievel bit, for heaven's sake?
Look, you little dodo, I
told you I was Evel Knievel.
What have I gotta do
to convince you?
Look“.
Look“.
Oh, boy. Now we're
both gonna get shot.
No, we're not gonna get
shot. Don't panic. Okay?
Oh, man!
(STAMMERING) How do you
say, you're cute in German, huh?
Du bist reitzin or something.
Just blink those beautiful
big eyes of yours at him.
(REPEATING)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(STAMMERING)
(LAUGHS)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(THANKING IN GERMAN)
(HUMMING)
Oh, boy. Now we're
gonna get shot in the back.
We're not gonna get shot
in the back. Just keep going.
I don't believe you.
How often do you do this?
Only when I'm not
teaching school.
Hello, Doc, this is Speedy.
Come in. Do you read?
Yes, I read you.
Where are you now?
We're about five kilometers
outside of Berghausen on Route 2.
Now tell me exactly, where
are the KGB Headquarters?
Now you listen to me.
We've analyzed the situation
and you have a 10% chance
of ever getting in there and
no chance at all of getting out.
What did he say? Well, we're
gonna have to try anyway.
Negative.
You're to turn west
when you intersect Route
77 and head for the border.
Boy, there's a guy
I could learn to like.
What was that? Go East on
Route 87 and head for Afghanistan?
RUDY: No. Weston Route 77.
Jaime, listen to me.
You're coming back.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh, Schmidt.
Has the tape been decoded yet?
Uh, no. It will be
another hour or so.
But we have just intercepted
a radio transmission
from the American agent.
She and her partner are moving
in this direction on Route 2.
Good. You have dispatched
the necessary troops?
(CONFIRMS IN GERMAN)
If there is anything
left of them,
have them brought to me.
RUDY: Jaime, they probably
know where you are right now.
Get out of there before they
decide to do something about it.
Listen, Rudy. Come on.
Now that's a direct
order from Oscar.
I just spoke to him, Jaime.
Hello. I'm sorry,
I can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
Hey, I heard him.
Now look, you, he said
we gotta get out of here.
Now you pay attention
to your superiors.
I've got a big jump to
make back in West Berlin.
Now, come on. Hey,
look, will you get off this?
Now, I realize you
must be scared to death,
because this kind of thing scares
the heck out of me, too. Okay?
But you don't have to keep
pretending that you're Evel Knievel
just because you're scared
and trying to get out of it.
Yeah, I'm pretending
I'm Evel Knievel, right!
See, I understand.
If you want to go back, just
turn this thing around and go.
I'm gonna go on by myself.
All right? Is that okay?
(HELICOPTER APPROACHING)
Hey, look, now we
are in trouble.
JAIME: Here they
come again. Duck!
EVEL: We've gotta
find cover.
Go off in that direction.
PILOT: The Americans
are heading into the trees.
We'll have to flush them out.
JAIME: What are you
stopping for?
Oh.
Look at this.
I don't believe it!
Well, we've gotta go across it.
Cross it? How're we
gonna get across it?
The bridge is
washed out. Jump it!
What?
Lookit. You keep saying you're
Evel Knievel, so jump it! Okay?
Look. We'll never make
it across there. It's too far.
Evel Knievel could make
that jump. (EXCLAIMS)
We have them!
Evel Knievel!
I'll show you.
They're trapped
at a washed out bridge,
(SCREAMING)
The Americans are
in the lake now. Close in,
Jaime, you okay?
Yeah. I'm all right.
Nothing I hate more
than soggy boots.
Boy, I hope you're satisfied.
Look what you've done.
We just wrecked a
$3,000 motorcycle
down the drink.
I knew you weren't Evel Knievel.
Hey, you, I don't make it
all the time, you know.
Yeah, sure.
Look, let's just get out of here
before we get captured. Please!
Captured. That's it.
That's perfect!
We can get captured, you know?
What are you talking
about? Have you gone crazy?
No, listen that's
the easiest way we have
to get into their headquarters.
I don't wanna get
into their headquarters.
If we don't, they're
gonna decode that tape.
And if I don't get back
to West Berlin,
I'm not gonna be able
to perform,
and I'm gonna lose the whole
motorcycle safety program.
Perform. Perform.
It's too late now.
Oh, brother.
EVEL: Hey!
Hey, you, be careful
with that thing.
And be sure and flush
those carburetors out
with gasoline before
you try and start it.
Well, they finally fished
my bike out of the drink.
But big deal, I'm probably not
even gonna have to use it again.
Shh.
What do you mean, "Shh"?
I don't hear anything.
(MAN 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(REPEATING IN GERMAN)
What does that mean?
It means, uh, what's Petrov
going to do with them?
But where do you hear that?
(MAN 2 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(REPEATING IN GERMAN)
It means, uh,
either interrogate them
and let them try and escape,
or interrogate them
and shoot them
while they're trying to escape.
Oh, I bet I know
which one it is.
Hey, it's not so bad.
Look. You're used to
flying bullets, helicopters,
picking up crates with one arm.
That's not my bag.
I told you.
I'm Evel Knievel.
How did I get
into this mess anyway?
I want to get out of here.
Please stop with this
Evel Knievel bit.
Look, you, I told you.
I'm Evel Knievel.
I'm from Butte, Montana.
I'm a motorcycle jumper.
Once in awhile I play golf and shoot
pool with my friends and have a drink.
And when my schedule allows it,
I put on some motorcycle
safety benefit program.
But this is no motorcycle
benefit performance.
But, I mean, it could
be beneficial.
Beneficial, my eye.
It could be suicide.
Oh, my mother always
warned me about
picking up some
good-looking broad hitchhiking.
You weren't even
wearing a short skirt.
(DOOR OPENING)
Good afternoon.
EVEL: What's good about it?
My name is Nicholai
Petrov, from the KGB.
I assume you are from the OSI?
Not me. I'm just
along for the ride.
It doesn't really matter.
The computer tape you
were after is almost decoded.
It should be on its way
to Moscow within the hour.
Great.
Look, I got a motorcycle benefit
to put on over in West Berlin,
and it's three hours away.
Can you please help me
get out of here?
I doubt if you will make it.
Your interrogation should
last at least that long.
And then perhaps
we will shoot you while
you're trying to escape.
Oh, brother, I knew
that was gonna happen.
I am sure you understand.
Good day.
(PETROV SPEAKING GERMAN)
Okay. Now, Petrov has taken
one of his guards with him.
So there's only one
guard out there left.
Big deal. One guard
is as bad as two.
Yeah, but at least with one guard
we've got a chance, you know?
A chance to what?
Get shot while trying to escape?
Will you start being
a little cooperative, please?
Cooperative, my eye.
Look, I've been doing everything
that you've asked me to do
ever since we left West Berlin.
I've been shot at, I
almost drowned in the river,
and now this German
Gestapo is gonna kill me.
How did I get into
this mess, anyway?
Oh, God.
You are right.
I have had absolutely no right to make
you do the things that we have done,
and I guess I was just
desperate for some help
and I can't excuse myself.
I apologize.
I'm really sorry.
Wait a minute. I know
who I am and what I am.
I really wouldn't have gone for the
motorcycle ride unless I wanted to.
Now I can't get us out of here.
Hey.
We've gotta think positive,
not negative.
We can get out of here.
Come on.
We can do it.
Let's think of something.
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
(CREAKING)
JAIME: Right.
Here we go. Jump.
Freeze!
That's a Iuger in your
back, friend. Don't move.
Open wide.
Thank you.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(CREAKING)
What do we do now?
We take his clothes off.
Boy, I don't believe
we're doing this.
Just keep looking mean. The decoding
room's gotta be around here somewhere.
Decoding room, my eye.
Hey, I'm looking for an exit.
Well, we'll find an exit as soon as we
get our hands on that computer tape.
Computer tape?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Is he shouting at us?
Yes. He's shouting at us.
Think we better stop?
I'd like to stop,
but my legs won't let me.
Oh, come on.
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
Where did you tell him
we were going?
Is that it?
Yeah, that's it.
Guards and all.
How we gonna get past them?
Tell them that Petrov sent
you for the computer tape.
Do you really think
they'll believe that?
Well, it's worth a try.
Boy, you gotta be crazy.
They'll never go for that.
Well, you got us past
the other guard.
Yeah, but, there was
only one of him.
So talk twice as fast. Okay?
Please?
Okay. Come on.
It's worth a try.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
You're cute.
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
(GROANING)
Helmut?
Helmut?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(SHOUTING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
GUARD: Sweet mother of mercy!
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
Where's the tape?
He's got it.
(GASPS)
You okay?
PETROV: Up the stairs.
(PETROV ORDERING IN GERMAN)
JAIME: They're coming
up the stairs.
Okay. Get the door! Get
the door! Get the door!
The door? What door?
Look what you did to it!
The door Oh!
Okay, come on. Get
out of the way, look out.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
This is never gonna hold
them. Come on. Out the window.
Come on. You moved
that computer with one arm.
You ever considered
doing auto shows?
JAIME: Okay, your bike's
right down there.
Come on. We're gonna jump.
Hey, these kinds
of jumps I don't make.
Well, there's always
a first time.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(PETROV SHOUTING)
Okay, it's your turn.
Come on.
My turn?
Who do you think
I am? Batman?
All right, come on now.
Just climb down the building.
I'll be right here
to catch you, huh?
Yeah, and I'll catch you later.
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
EVEL: On second thought
PETROV: One, two, three, push!
(SHOUTING)
Come on. Hurry.
Oh!
(PETROV ORDERING IN GERMAN)
Oh, man, nice going.
I thought you were
gonna catch me.
Well, who do you think
I am? Johnny Bench?
Oh, brother.
Let's get out of here.
Come on. Quick.
Let's go. Get on.
Push!
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Come on baby, start.
(SHOUTING)
Come on. Start.
Come on.
Get through there.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(GUNS FIRING)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
How'd you do that?
Do what?
Get it started.
I just gave us a push.
Yeah, but what kind of a push?
A very hard push.
PETROV: Ja. Ja.
That is correct.
They have the computer tape
and are heading toward the border.
I want every available
unit after them,
every foot along
the border guarded.
They must not get away!
JAIME: I think we're
gonna be okay.
That's great.
Maybe now I'll be able
to get back
in time for my benefit.
Oh, you and your benefit.
Forget it.
How far is the border?
About two kilometers.
You better hurry up, 'cause
I think we're being tailed.
Tailed?
I don't see anything.
Well, you're gonna.
Isn't anything ever easy?
Hang on.
There's some trees
up there. About a mile.
Maybe we can ditch them there.
Whoa!
Whoa! That was a
close one. Too close.
JAIME: Whoo!
That was a beautiful run.
Think we're gonna be okay.
Oh, he's not going away.
We're gonna have to make a
run for the bridge at the border.
Not that bridge.
What?
Oh, no!
The helicopter has
them trapped in the trees.
Close in and flush them out.
They're closing in on us.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Oh, quit apologizing.
We'll get out of here.
Well, how?
That way.
JAIME: That's gotta
be at least 60 feet wide.
We can't just
ride right over it.
Who said anything about riding?
We're gonna jump it.
Jump it?
Yeah, well, how do we jump it?
You don't even have a ramp.
Who do you think you are?
Evel Knievel?
Yeah. Hang on.
All right.
Oh. You're crazy!
(SCREAMS)
Did we make it?
Of course we made it.
That's my specialty.
Now I can get to that benefit.
Oh, benefit, benefit.
Why don't you quit
pretending you're Evel
Knievel?
Oh, my Gosh.
Hey, listen,
you better hurry up.
You've only got about
50,000 people waiting for you.
(MAN ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
Probably cut crystal, huh?
Hey!
Wow! Look at you.
Hi. How'd the jump go?
What do you mean, "How'd
it go?" Didn't you see it?
I couldn't. I had
so much work to do,
and by the time I got here,
I just missed it. I'm sorry.
Oh, it was beautiful.
As usual.
Good. The benefit people
were happy, huh?
Well, they were. I had to
apologize for being late.
I told them I was on a ride through the
countryside with a beautiful Fraeulein.
(THANKS IN GERMAN)
What's on your agenda?
Are you headed back
for the States tomorrow?
Yeah. Going back to being a
Southern California school teacher.
Okay, little old school teacher.
How about the things
I saw you do back there,
lifting those crates with one
arm, bending those bars apart,
and jumping out of
that window like you did?
Those are things I cannot
discuss with you. I'm sorry.
Well, you can't deny it.
I saw you do it.
No, I can't deny it, but, uh,
well, it's not that big
of a thing to begin with,
and you know, I had a very
bad accident at one time,
and when my doctor
put me back together,
he just made me a
little stronger, that's all.
Bad accident, huh?
Yeah.
I've had some bad accidents.
I've got some good doctors and
they didn't patch me up like that.
And you know, I'm not, uh,
planning on retiring just yet.
What's, uh, the name
of your doctor?
I really can't tell you.
Seriously, why don't you
give me his number?
(STAMMERS) I can't.
The next time I fall,
I'll give him a call.
(GROANS)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Who are you anyway?
I'm an agent for the OSI.
Who are you? Evel Knievel.
You're a good bike rider,
but you're not that good.
You have no chance
at all of getting out.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
They must not get away.
Jump it? Who do you
think you are, Evel Knievel?
Yeah. Hang on.
(SCREAMING)
(MAN ANNOUCING IN GERMAN)
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(GREETS IN GERMAN)
PROMOTER: Evel,
I'm telling ya, it's crazy.
You just jumped
over 15 cars why push it?
Hey, this is only gonna be a small
jump that I'm gonna make tonight.
It's for motorcycle
safety in this country,
and they're gonna raise
over three million dollars.
I promised them I'd be there.
Safety? What about
your safety?
Hey, you let me
worry about that.
You know, I got
a question for you.
How come you always do all the worrying
when, uh, I'm jumping for no money?
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
Where you going now?
I'm going to the hotel.
That's whyl changed clothes.
I wanna be incognito so I can
get through that crowd out there.
PROMOTER: Yeah. Well, you be
careful. No crazy cycle riding, huh?
Even Even?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hey, you dummkopf.
Listen, I need your help, huh?
Uh Uh,
how do you say it?
Uh, needen helpen, ja?
No, uh, come on,
follow that car!
Automobil
Oh, come on will ya?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
JAIME: Come on. Step on it.
Don't let him get away.
Hurry! Hurry!
She's catching up.
Checkpoint 43.
This is Schmidt.
We are approaching!
Open the gate!
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
SCHMIDT:
Open the gate immediately!
(MAN ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(JAIME URGING IN GERMAN)
SCHMIDT: They are
still closing.
KGB Berghausen,
this is Schmidt. Do you read?
Berghausen, are you there?
Da, Schmidt, we read. What's
wrong? Do you have the tape?
SCHMIDT: We are almost
at the Bergen gate,
but the Americans
are close behind.
We may need help.
Don't worry, Schmidt.
Help is on the way.
This is Major Petrov.
Send in air and ground support for our
friend Schmidt at the Bergen border gate.
Want to make sure that
there is a welcoming committee
if the Americans decide
to run the border.
Unit 373, proceed
into Bergen gate.
Go faster! Faster! Come on.
Mach schnell! Mach schnell!
Come on, we've gotta get them
before they get to the border.
Hurry! Hurry!
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
Keep on mach schnelling.
PILOT: Air unit AP 429,
proceeding to sector five.
PETROV: Good, if they are
foolish enough to cross the border,
take some extra target practice,
and don't miss.
Understood, Major Petrov.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(SPEAKING MOCK GERMAN)
They went that way.
JAIME: Mach schnell!
More mach schnell.
(MAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh, no!
They crossed the border.
Keep going that way, come on.
Dot Vim Through der fencen'.!
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(EXCLAIMING)
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(GUNS FIRING)
Oh, goot! Good
motorbiken! Danke!
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
Hey, Danke, my eye, lady.
We're in trouble!
You speak English.
That's terrific!
JAIME: Oh, no,
where'd they go?
Hurry up, please.
We've got to catch them.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
OFFICER: Major, the Americans
got through the border.
PETROV: Are they still
behind Schmidt?
No, Major Petrov, they're
headed towards Stotsville,
All right.
All ground units, the Americans
are headed towards Stotsville.
Find them and dispose of them.
JAIME: Well, we lost them.
We're gonna have to go into town.
(OFFICER SPEAKING GERMAN
ON POLICE RADIO)
Phew. Well, we got away
from the police cars,
and the computer tape
got away from us.
Sorry about that.
Oh, you speak English
very well for a German.
German, my eye.
I'm from Butte, Montana.
Montana?
That's a beautiful state.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read?
Beautiful state? I'll be lucky
if I ever get to see it again.
You darn near got us killed.
Look at the bullet hole
in the mirror.
Yeah, I appreciate what
you did. I really, really do.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read me?
Snow White? Hey, you
darn near got me killed!
Those guys aren't
shooting with pea shooters.
Those are real bullets.
I know.
Uh, listen, those guys
stole a computer tape.
Now, I have to get it back.
Computer tapes?
Who are you anyway?
I'm an agent for the OSI.
Who are you?
Evel Knievel.
Right, I'm Jaime Bond.
Listen, you're a good bike
rider, but you're not that good.
Snow White, this is
Speedy. Do you read?
Lady, look. There's this place I
have to be this afternoon by 4:00.
(SHUSHES) Snow White?
Do you read me?
This is Speedy.
Come in, please.
Lady? Listen, just give
me a minute. All right?
Snow White? This is
Speedy. Can you read?
Can you read?
Hey, come on, Snow White.
Are you there?
Got you five by five,
Speedy. This is Doc.
Snow White's been called out
of town. Where have you been?
Lady, will you please
listen to me?
They got away
with the computer tape.
Now, we chased them, but Oh,
no. Oscar's gonna hit the ceiling.
Well, I'm sorry. I feel
awful about it myself.
But it's not over yet.
I'm gonna go after it.
Now, where would they take it?
KGB Headquarters. It's
the Soviet secret service.
Okay. Where's that?
Near Berghausen,
inside East Germany.
But you're not going
in there after it.
I told Oscar I wouldn't let
you do anything too risky.
That computer tape was
my responsibility and I blew it.
Now I'm going after it.
No way. Operating behind the
Iron Curtain is too dangerous.
Well, it's a little late.
I'm already here.
What?
Where are you?
I'm in a little town
called Stotsville,
just inside the border.
How'd you get there?
Never mind.
I got a ride. Okay?
You listen to me, young lady.
You just turn right around
and get out of there.
Well, it's gonna be
a little difficult.
We attracted some
attention getting in here.
We? Who's in there
with you?
Uh, there's this guy, see. He's a
motorcycle rider, and he's really very good.
He's gone.
What are you talking about?
I'll call you back.
Jaime!
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
Hey!
Oh, no, you don't.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
EVEL: What the
I must be seeing things.
Have you got a twin sister?
Listen, I need your help,
Mister Whatever.
Knievel. Remember?
Evel Knievel.
Okay. You can be Evel Knievel,
you can be Gunga Din.
I don't care.
I just need your help.
Look, you little ding dong,
I am Evel Knievel.
Don't shout.
Listen, we can do this without
shouting, all right? Don't cause a scene.
Look, lady
It's Jaime. Okay?
Jaime, like, uh,
James Bond. Right?
Jaime Bond.
It's Jaime Sommers.
Okay, Jaime Sommers. I've known
you for about 15 minutes, right?
Right. So far we've
come into East Berlin,
I've been shot
at with real bullets,
they almost wrecked my bike.
Well, yeah, but,
that's, you know
Look, I risk my life, but I
pick the time and the place,
and this isn't
the time or the place.
There are a lot of
people back in West Berlin
who are gonna be disappointed
if I'm not back there to perform.
Okay. Can we talk about
this while we're going?
I mean, there are some
police looking for us, you know,
and I think it'd be a good idea
if we got going. Oh, Dick Tracy.
Oh, brainstorm. Well, how do you
suggest we get back across the border?
Well, uh, carefully.
Okay? We'll be very careful,
but in the mean time, we
have to get that tape first. Okay?
What do you mean we? You
got a mouse in your pocket?
Who do you think I am?
James Bond?
Listen to me.
They've got that tape.
If they decode it, they're
gonna take it to Moscow,
and as soon as they do,
they will be able to break
any of our national security
codes. Do you understand that?
Does that mean anything to you?
Well, it sounds like it
could mean life or death.
Well, it very well
could be.
For who?
For you and me.
Get on.
We have a deal.
(SIREN WAILING)
JAIME: There! Into the truck.
EVEL: You gotta be kidding! I
jump over trucks, not into them.
JAIME: Do it!
Hey, very well done, sir.
Very well done.
Very well done, my eye.
I almost lost all my teeth.
You're gonna lose them again.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Look, we gotta start looking around
here for some clothes. All right?
You check these boxes here, huh?
For what?
For some clothes.
Things we can wear
so we can disguise ourselves.
There's gotta be
something here somewhere.
Now, this
is not your color.
Oh, no kidding.
Is there anything in there?
Yeah, some flowers
and an old sausage stuffer.
What's in that box over there?
Dishes.
How about this one?
Forget that. It's locked.
Well, we'll unlock it.
Sometimes if you give these a hard
yank (BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(CLICKING)
Right. Now come on,
give me a hand, please.
Give you a hand?
I'd like to see where
you got that hand.
Oh, come on.
(SIREN WAILING)
Okay. How's this?
Bona fide member
of the proletariat.
Oh, beautiful. Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, come here.
I found this for you.
This should be great, huh?
You're gonna love it.
Great. Who do you
think I am? King Kong?
Oh, uh, wait. (SHUSHES)
(MAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
What is it?
Oh, it's the cops.
I don't hear anything.
Well, come here.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Now I hear them.
Okay. What are they saying?
You understand any of it?
My grandmother Knievel
taught me a little German.
Your grandmother Knievel,
come on.
What's the radio saying?
Attention all units,
be on the lookout
for girl in red
and white blouse,
and man in blue on
something
Something flying bicycle.
Flying bicycle?
Oh, come on.
I told you I didn't
understand all of it.
Okay. What else?
Come on.
Across border.
Check identification
of anyone looking suspicious.
These two are considered
degener Uh, dangerous.
Oh.
Totschiessen.
Totschiessen?
What's that?
Totschiessen in German
means don't shoot to kill
or shoot to kill.
Swell.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
They're coming here. They're
coming here to search the truck.
We've got to get
out of here. Oh.
Okay. All right.
Okay.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
She's lifting that crate
with one hand.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Okay, get the bike.
Come on. Hurry.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
Now we're gonna need
some kind of identification.
Let's see if this guy's
got some.
Okay.
Gotta leave this fellow
his money.
And a little something extra for
the things that we're borrowing.
(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)
This is Nicholai Petrov at
KGB Headquarters, Berghausen.
You may report to the Central
Committee that Herr Schmidt
has brought us the
computer data and we will
begin the decoding
process immediately.
It will be on the
plane to Moscow tonight.
Yes, thank you.
Oh, please
Be sure to mention
my name in the dispatches.
Yes. Petrov.
Thank you.
You have done well, Schmidt.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, is there any word on that
OSI agent that was pursuing me?
Yes. She and her motorcyclist
friend are apparently
still somewhere in East Germany.
Our patrols are on
the alert for them.
Do you think that they
may make a further attempt
to recover the computer tape?
Only if they are
interested in suicide.
Shall we go to work?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
All right. Now,
the KGB Headquarters
should be about five
kilometers up ahead here.
So what? What are we
gonna do when we get there?
I'm not sure,
but we'll think of something.
We'll be okay, don't worry.
Yeah, "We'll be okay."
You'll be okay.
You can do anything you want to.
You can pick up a crate
and throw it at somebody.
How strong are you, anyway?
I'm strong enough.
What are we, on
a picnic or something?
Why'd you bring
that lunch bag along for?
Because it's gonna make you
look more like a worker, that's why.
Here, you want a bite?
Oh, get out of here.
Watch where you're
going, will you?
I don't want a bite of anything.
Look, you, I told you, I
gotta get back to West Berlin.
You gotta help me. There are
50,000 people there waiting for me.
Will you stop with this phony
Evel Knievel bit, for heaven's sake?
Look, you little dodo, I
told you I was Evel Knievel.
What have I gotta do
to convince you?
Look“.
Look“.
Oh, boy. Now we're
both gonna get shot.
No, we're not gonna get
shot. Don't panic. Okay?
Oh, man!
(STAMMERING) How do you
say, you're cute in German, huh?
Du bist reitzin or something.
Just blink those beautiful
big eyes of yours at him.
(REPEATING)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(STAMMERING)
(LAUGHS)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(THANKING IN GERMAN)
(HUMMING)
Oh, boy. Now we're
gonna get shot in the back.
We're not gonna get shot
in the back. Just keep going.
I don't believe you.
How often do you do this?
Only when I'm not
teaching school.
Hello, Doc, this is Speedy.
Come in. Do you read?
Yes, I read you.
Where are you now?
We're about five kilometers
outside of Berghausen on Route 2.
Now tell me exactly, where
are the KGB Headquarters?
Now you listen to me.
We've analyzed the situation
and you have a 10% chance
of ever getting in there and
no chance at all of getting out.
What did he say? Well, we're
gonna have to try anyway.
Negative.
You're to turn west
when you intersect Route
77 and head for the border.
Boy, there's a guy
I could learn to like.
What was that? Go East on
Route 87 and head for Afghanistan?
RUDY: No. Weston Route 77.
Jaime, listen to me.
You're coming back.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh, Schmidt.
Has the tape been decoded yet?
Uh, no. It will be
another hour or so.
But we have just intercepted
a radio transmission
from the American agent.
She and her partner are moving
in this direction on Route 2.
Good. You have dispatched
the necessary troops?
(CONFIRMS IN GERMAN)
If there is anything
left of them,
have them brought to me.
RUDY: Jaime, they probably
know where you are right now.
Get out of there before they
decide to do something about it.
Listen, Rudy. Come on.
Now that's a direct
order from Oscar.
I just spoke to him, Jaime.
Hello. I'm sorry,
I can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
Hey, I heard him.
Now look, you, he said
we gotta get out of here.
Now you pay attention
to your superiors.
I've got a big jump to
make back in West Berlin.
Now, come on. Hey,
look, will you get off this?
Now, I realize you
must be scared to death,
because this kind of thing scares
the heck out of me, too. Okay?
But you don't have to keep
pretending that you're Evel Knievel
just because you're scared
and trying to get out of it.
Yeah, I'm pretending
I'm Evel Knievel, right!
See, I understand.
If you want to go back, just
turn this thing around and go.
I'm gonna go on by myself.
All right? Is that okay?
(HELICOPTER APPROACHING)
Hey, look, now we
are in trouble.
JAIME: Here they
come again. Duck!
EVEL: We've gotta
find cover.
Go off in that direction.
PILOT: The Americans
are heading into the trees.
We'll have to flush them out.
JAIME: What are you
stopping for?
Oh.
Look at this.
I don't believe it!
Well, we've gotta go across it.
Cross it? How're we
gonna get across it?
The bridge is
washed out. Jump it!
What?
Lookit. You keep saying you're
Evel Knievel, so jump it! Okay?
Look. We'll never make
it across there. It's too far.
Evel Knievel could make
that jump. (EXCLAIMS)
We have them!
Evel Knievel!
I'll show you.
They're trapped
at a washed out bridge,
(SCREAMING)
The Americans are
in the lake now. Close in,
Jaime, you okay?
Yeah. I'm all right.
Nothing I hate more
than soggy boots.
Boy, I hope you're satisfied.
Look what you've done.
We just wrecked a
$3,000 motorcycle
down the drink.
I knew you weren't Evel Knievel.
Hey, you, I don't make it
all the time, you know.
Yeah, sure.
Look, let's just get out of here
before we get captured. Please!
Captured. That's it.
That's perfect!
We can get captured, you know?
What are you talking
about? Have you gone crazy?
No, listen that's
the easiest way we have
to get into their headquarters.
I don't wanna get
into their headquarters.
If we don't, they're
gonna decode that tape.
And if I don't get back
to West Berlin,
I'm not gonna be able
to perform,
and I'm gonna lose the whole
motorcycle safety program.
Perform. Perform.
It's too late now.
Oh, brother.
EVEL: Hey!
Hey, you, be careful
with that thing.
And be sure and flush
those carburetors out
with gasoline before
you try and start it.
Well, they finally fished
my bike out of the drink.
But big deal, I'm probably not
even gonna have to use it again.
Shh.
What do you mean, "Shh"?
I don't hear anything.
(MAN 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(REPEATING IN GERMAN)
What does that mean?
It means, uh, what's Petrov
going to do with them?
But where do you hear that?
(MAN 2 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(REPEATING IN GERMAN)
It means, uh,
either interrogate them
and let them try and escape,
or interrogate them
and shoot them
while they're trying to escape.
Oh, I bet I know
which one it is.
Hey, it's not so bad.
Look. You're used to
flying bullets, helicopters,
picking up crates with one arm.
That's not my bag.
I told you.
I'm Evel Knievel.
How did I get
into this mess anyway?
I want to get out of here.
Please stop with this
Evel Knievel bit.
Look, you, I told you.
I'm Evel Knievel.
I'm from Butte, Montana.
I'm a motorcycle jumper.
Once in awhile I play golf and shoot
pool with my friends and have a drink.
And when my schedule allows it,
I put on some motorcycle
safety benefit program.
But this is no motorcycle
benefit performance.
But, I mean, it could
be beneficial.
Beneficial, my eye.
It could be suicide.
Oh, my mother always
warned me about
picking up some
good-looking broad hitchhiking.
You weren't even
wearing a short skirt.
(DOOR OPENING)
Good afternoon.
EVEL: What's good about it?
My name is Nicholai
Petrov, from the KGB.
I assume you are from the OSI?
Not me. I'm just
along for the ride.
It doesn't really matter.
The computer tape you
were after is almost decoded.
It should be on its way
to Moscow within the hour.
Great.
Look, I got a motorcycle benefit
to put on over in West Berlin,
and it's three hours away.
Can you please help me
get out of here?
I doubt if you will make it.
Your interrogation should
last at least that long.
And then perhaps
we will shoot you while
you're trying to escape.
Oh, brother, I knew
that was gonna happen.
I am sure you understand.
Good day.
(PETROV SPEAKING GERMAN)
Okay. Now, Petrov has taken
one of his guards with him.
So there's only one
guard out there left.
Big deal. One guard
is as bad as two.
Yeah, but at least with one guard
we've got a chance, you know?
A chance to what?
Get shot while trying to escape?
Will you start being
a little cooperative, please?
Cooperative, my eye.
Look, I've been doing everything
that you've asked me to do
ever since we left West Berlin.
I've been shot at, I
almost drowned in the river,
and now this German
Gestapo is gonna kill me.
How did I get into
this mess, anyway?
Oh, God.
You are right.
I have had absolutely no right to make
you do the things that we have done,
and I guess I was just
desperate for some help
and I can't excuse myself.
I apologize.
I'm really sorry.
Wait a minute. I know
who I am and what I am.
I really wouldn't have gone for the
motorcycle ride unless I wanted to.
Now I can't get us out of here.
Hey.
We've gotta think positive,
not negative.
We can get out of here.
Come on.
We can do it.
Let's think of something.
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
(CREAKING)
JAIME: Right.
Here we go. Jump.
Freeze!
That's a Iuger in your
back, friend. Don't move.
Open wide.
Thank you.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(CREAKING)
What do we do now?
We take his clothes off.
Boy, I don't believe
we're doing this.
Just keep looking mean. The decoding
room's gotta be around here somewhere.
Decoding room, my eye.
Hey, I'm looking for an exit.
Well, we'll find an exit as soon as we
get our hands on that computer tape.
Computer tape?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Is he shouting at us?
Yes. He's shouting at us.
Think we better stop?
I'd like to stop,
but my legs won't let me.
Oh, come on.
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
Where did you tell him
we were going?
Is that it?
Yeah, that's it.
Guards and all.
How we gonna get past them?
Tell them that Petrov sent
you for the computer tape.
Do you really think
they'll believe that?
Well, it's worth a try.
Boy, you gotta be crazy.
They'll never go for that.
Well, you got us past
the other guard.
Yeah, but, there was
only one of him.
So talk twice as fast. Okay?
Please?
Okay. Come on.
It's worth a try.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
You're cute.
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
(GROANING)
Helmut?
Helmut?
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(BOTH SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(SHOUTING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
GUARD: Sweet mother of mercy!
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
Where's the tape?
He's got it.
(GASPS)
You okay?
PETROV: Up the stairs.
(PETROV ORDERING IN GERMAN)
JAIME: They're coming
up the stairs.
Okay. Get the door! Get
the door! Get the door!
The door? What door?
Look what you did to it!
The door Oh!
Okay, come on. Get
out of the way, look out.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
This is never gonna hold
them. Come on. Out the window.
Come on. You moved
that computer with one arm.
You ever considered
doing auto shows?
JAIME: Okay, your bike's
right down there.
Come on. We're gonna jump.
Hey, these kinds
of jumps I don't make.
Well, there's always
a first time.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(PETROV SHOUTING)
Okay, it's your turn.
Come on.
My turn?
Who do you think
I am? Batman?
All right, come on now.
Just climb down the building.
I'll be right here
to catch you, huh?
Yeah, and I'll catch you later.
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
EVEL: On second thought
PETROV: One, two, three, push!
(SHOUTING)
Come on. Hurry.
Oh!
(PETROV ORDERING IN GERMAN)
Oh, man, nice going.
I thought you were
gonna catch me.
Well, who do you think
I am? Johnny Bench?
Oh, brother.
Let's get out of here.
Come on. Quick.
Let's go. Get on.
Push!
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Come on baby, start.
(SHOUTING)
Come on. Start.
Come on.
Get through there.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)
(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(GUNS FIRING)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
How'd you do that?
Do what?
Get it started.
I just gave us a push.
Yeah, but what kind of a push?
A very hard push.
PETROV: Ja. Ja.
That is correct.
They have the computer tape
and are heading toward the border.
I want every available
unit after them,
every foot along
the border guarded.
They must not get away!
JAIME: I think we're
gonna be okay.
That's great.
Maybe now I'll be able
to get back
in time for my benefit.
Oh, you and your benefit.
Forget it.
How far is the border?
About two kilometers.
You better hurry up, 'cause
I think we're being tailed.
Tailed?
I don't see anything.
Well, you're gonna.
Isn't anything ever easy?
Hang on.
There's some trees
up there. About a mile.
Maybe we can ditch them there.
Whoa!
Whoa! That was a
close one. Too close.
JAIME: Whoo!
That was a beautiful run.
Think we're gonna be okay.
Oh, he's not going away.
We're gonna have to make a
run for the bridge at the border.
Not that bridge.
What?
Oh, no!
The helicopter has
them trapped in the trees.
Close in and flush them out.
They're closing in on us.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Oh, quit apologizing.
We'll get out of here.
Well, how?
That way.
JAIME: That's gotta
be at least 60 feet wide.
We can't just
ride right over it.
Who said anything about riding?
We're gonna jump it.
Jump it?
Yeah, well, how do we jump it?
You don't even have a ramp.
Who do you think you are?
Evel Knievel?
Yeah. Hang on.
All right.
Oh. You're crazy!
(SCREAMS)
Did we make it?
Of course we made it.
That's my specialty.
Now I can get to that benefit.
Oh, benefit, benefit.
Why don't you quit
pretending you're Evel
Knievel?
Oh, my Gosh.
Hey, listen,
you better hurry up.
You've only got about
50,000 people waiting for you.
(MAN ANNOUNCING IN GERMAN)
Probably cut crystal, huh?
Hey!
Wow! Look at you.
Hi. How'd the jump go?
What do you mean, "How'd
it go?" Didn't you see it?
I couldn't. I had
so much work to do,
and by the time I got here,
I just missed it. I'm sorry.
Oh, it was beautiful.
As usual.
Good. The benefit people
were happy, huh?
Well, they were. I had to
apologize for being late.
I told them I was on a ride through the
countryside with a beautiful Fraeulein.
(THANKS IN GERMAN)
What's on your agenda?
Are you headed back
for the States tomorrow?
Yeah. Going back to being a
Southern California school teacher.
Okay, little old school teacher.
How about the things
I saw you do back there,
lifting those crates with one
arm, bending those bars apart,
and jumping out of
that window like you did?
Those are things I cannot
discuss with you. I'm sorry.
Well, you can't deny it.
I saw you do it.
No, I can't deny it, but, uh,
well, it's not that big
of a thing to begin with,
and you know, I had a very
bad accident at one time,
and when my doctor
put me back together,
he just made me a
little stronger, that's all.
Bad accident, huh?
Yeah.
I've had some bad accidents.
I've got some good doctors and
they didn't patch me up like that.
And you know, I'm not, uh,
planning on retiring just yet.
What's, uh, the name
of your doctor?
I really can't tell you.
Seriously, why don't you
give me his number?
(STAMMERS) I can't.
The next time I fall,
I'll give him a call.
(GROANS)