The Upshaws (2021) s03e07 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
[pilot over PA] Flight attendants,
prepare for takeoff.
- You're supposed to turn your phone off.
- That's not real.
They want you bored so you'll buy drinks.
[chuckles]
I can't believe we're doing this.
I never thought I'd get you to Atlanta.
If you play your cards right,
I'll let you take me to Magic City.
[cell phone ringing]
Bernard?
What, boy?
Okay, slow down.
What?
A heart attack?
Oh, Jesus. What the Where is she?
[spluttering] Okay, I'll be right there.
Okay. We gotta turn this plane around.
- Whoa, whoa, what's going on?
- Regina had a heart attack.
Oh, my God. Is she okay?
I don't know.
I'm too busy answering your questions.
Why is this plane still moving?
Ma'am, we're taxiing.
I need you in your seat now.
I need off this plane now.
Go tell the pilot to back this shit up.
Take your seat. Final warning.
My sister had a heart attack.
I don't feel like
sitting right now, Nancy!
Okay.
Well, at least you got them
to turn the plane around.
Damn right.
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid ♪
[funky instrumental music playing]
That was a hell of a night
you put me through.
[Regina chuckles]
Last time I get you a damn beer.
The last time I let you.
Scared the shit out of me.
You?
I'm the one that had the heart attack.
Damn.
I had a heart attack.
Don't go there.
The doctor said it was
barely anything. You're fine.
I know. But
Oh, Lord.
There is glass and beer
all over my kitchen floor.
Tell me you cleaned it up.
I was getting you here.
I gotta come home to a mess?
I'm gonna get to it, Regina.
You don't even know how to be sick right.
Bennie.
Don't even say it.
[door opens]
Can we come in already?
- [gasps] Mommy!
- Hi!
[Regina chuckling]
Maya Maya, get off her tube.
Get off her tube. Get up off her tube.
This really is the best-case scenario.
It really looks like an anomaly.
She's gonna be okay.
- [exclaims] I appreciate you.
- Okay.
[exhales] Mom dodged a bullet, didn't she?
- Man.
- Guess we all did.
Right?
I need at least another
20, 30 years out of Mom.
I'mma hang here.
Take the girls and get something to eat.
Anything you need. You know that.
I need my receipt and some change back,
that's what I need
I want Wendy's.
I don't like square burgers.
I want White Castle.
White Castle has square burgers.
It's fine when they're small.
- That's stupid.
- You're stupid.
Hey, hey, hey!
The hospital ain't a place for drama.
Oh, Lord. Where is she?
Where's Regina Upshaw?
Where's my baby sister's room?
[Maya] Auntie!
Oh, now everybody know we know her.
What
What What are y'all doing out here?
- Oh, God. Am I too late?
- No, Mom's fine.
You don't tell me she's fine.
She's fine when I say she's fine.
I get on one airplane.
- I swear, whatever you did to her
- [all yelling]
- It's okay.
- What the hell?
- Ma'am! Mrs. Upshaw is fine.
- What's wrong with you?
If you calm down, you can see her.
She's fine? Like, she's "fine" fine?
Yes. It was a mild event. She's resting.
Then why y'all
out here acting all hysterical?
[funky instrumental music playing]
[sighs] You know, I really
should be getting home. I feel fine.
[nurse] Mm-hmm.
Here's a menu. Order lunch and dinner.
Dinner? [scoffs]
I will not be here for dinner.
I gotta take my daughter to choir.
No, you gotta recover.
- And lean.
- [sighs]
Seriously, I have a life.
I'm not allowed to just
Oh, that's comfy.
Ooh.
[scoffing] Okay, so,
Mercy General can't give me a scholarship,
but they got goose down pillow money?
[both chuckle]
Oh, hold up. "Macadamia-crusted salmon"?
Mm-hmm. I've had it and it's good.
Hmm. Now, what does this do?
- [beep]
- [motor whirring]
Oh, damn.
Maybe I could hang with y'all
for just a little bit.
[chuckles]
Oh, thank God, you're okay.
They said you were okay. Are you okay?
I'm okay. Aren't you in Atlanta?
Long story, but I won't be flying
for the next five years.
Who are you?
Lucretia, you ain't shit for pushing
that gurney in front of me.
I needed to be alone with my sister.
Be honest. Did he do this to you?
Baby, are you okay Wait.
Why is your leg swelling?
It's a massager for circulation.
You don't need that.
- [beep]
- All the pressure will squeeze your heart.
Why does this bag look light?
The machine regulates the dosage.
Does it though?
And why is my baby sitting up so high?
Bennie, the nurse put that there.
I know how my baby likes it.
Are you giving her any thrombolytics?
That's what Google says to do.
She's getting everything she needs.
Is she though?
And why y'all got this
hot-ass blanket, man?
- My baby likes it light.
- All right. Bennie, Lucretia
Let this woman do her job.
What's her doctor's name?
I wanna make sure he's worth a damn.
Her name is Dr. Shemena Johnson.
Why is it so bright in here?
My baby likes it dim!
Why am I googling that name
and getting a realtor?
Dr. Johnson is head of cardiology
at this hospital.
Oh, I know all about
your little Mercy General.
You killed my sister's dream,
now you're coming for the rest of her.
All right. That's it. You're out.
Thank God. Can't take her nowhere.
My baby likes it peaceful.
Do y'all have any bigger beds?
'Cause my baby
likes to be the little spoon.
Both of you, out!
Visiting hours are over
and my patient needs her rest.
She might be your patient,
but she's my sister.
Yeah! And she's my wife.
We ain't going nowhere.
A lot of people
putting they hands on me today.
I ain't wanna be in that room anyway.
My baby needs rest.
Let's go find Shemena Johnson's office.
- Yeah.
- I need to see her credentials.
[funky instrumental music playing]
I told 'em no cheese on this.
I almost killed Mom.
Cheese can wait.
[sighs] Aaliyah,
you didn't do anything to Mom.
But I did, and we all know it.
I took a bus, she get mad
and then her heart exploded.
That's literally impossible.
Wait, you're worried?
The doctor said she was fine.
Is she not fine?
You guys don't tell me anything.
No, she's fine.
It was probably just stress.
So, Mom's not gonna die?
- I mean, someday.
- Sunday?
Some day.
And it'll be my fault when it happens.
I am terrible at this.
Okay, take a breath.
All right.
I know what happened today was scary.
It scared me too. But it's over now.
All right? It's no one's fault.
Surprisingly, not even Bennie's.
It was just a freak thing.
But Mom is fine.
She's gonna come home to us
for a long, long time.
I could use one more "long".
[chuckles] Long, long, long, long time.
[instrumental music playing]
All I'm saying is,
if Dr. Shemena was all that,
she wouldn't get her back up
about taking her diploma out the frame.
All you wanted was to see it up close.
Thank you.
Like that shit couldn't be photoshopped?
Do you know how many passports I have?
Wait a minute, something's different.
Who cleaned up the spill?
[yells]
The hell?
Boy, what the hell are you doing?
You breaking in houses now?
You gave me a key.
And I heard about Regina, so I came over.
She had a heart attack, Kelvin.
She's at the hospital, Kelvin.
I know.
But I can't do anything for her there.
I figured I'd be more help here.
You know, do some laundry.
Cook up a couple meals.
You know, ease her stress.
Yeah, that's why
we came home too. [chuckles]
I'm just returning from the market.
Mind if I get a snack?
Go ahead. Grab you one, man.
Thanks for holding it down.
[chuckles] No biggie.
I have been working pretty hard.
I don't know how Regina does it every day.
It don't matter how she did it
'cause I'm doing it now.
Starting with these
Damn! How many people live here?
Oh, hell no. Are those pork rinds?
- My bad. Were these yours?
- They're nobody's.
Not in this house.
My sister's not coming home
to no pork rinds.
Well, she won't if I eat 'em.
Boy, hush.
Pork rinds ain't nothing but
a dollar-ninety-nine heart attack.
This place ain't nothing but a death trap.
No. We're all heart-healthy now.
My back hurts
from doing all this standing.
You washed one cup.
It was a big one though.
Regina does this shit all the time.
Laundry and put up with my shit?
No wonder she fell out.
Who the hell needs
this much flavored creamer?
Coffee does not need to taste
like a cinnamon roll.
Or cherry cheesecake. Or tiramisu.
That shit ain't right.
Y'all need better food in this house.
Hot Pockets, really?
Y'all had Hot Pockets?
Not anymore.
[Bennie sighs]
I know what my baby needs.
It ain't these Fudgsicles.
Again, I could just eat all of this.
My baby needs a dishwasher.
My sister needs vegetables.
I'm going to the Kroger.
I'm going to Home Depot.
- [door closes]
- [scoffs]
How you gonna throw away
perfectly good ham and cheese pockets?
Dang.
Almost forgot to take this to the dump.
[instrumental music playing]
Mmm.
Okay, Mercy General.
This shit is almost worth
the heart attack.
[door opens, knocking]
Knock-knock, Blood Type B.
- Sheila.
- [monitor beeping rapidly]
I just heard you were in the building.
Once security confirmed
you were a patient,
I came to see how you were doing.
Oh, I know what this is.
Mm-mmm. You're here to kick me out.
No.
Please. I know how billing works
in this hospital, okay?
[chuckles] My insurance'll cover it.
Oh, I know. I checked.
I just wanted to see how you were.
Heart stuff is scary.
Have you been able to relax?
It's actually been great.
[chuckles] It's like a resort up here.
Thank you. We try.
Ooh, salmon! Nice choice.
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.
Now to figure out which Best Man movie
is gonna go good with this.
Holiday.
Holiday it is. [chuckles awkwardly]
I can't remember
the last time that I watched a movie
without my kids interrupting.
Oh, I hate that.
You know, my kids are fun-snatchers too.
You got kids?
Three.
Since when?
I You never talk about them.
I know.
You don't have pictures on your desk.
I know.
I don't like to bring that kind
of energy with me, you know?
Why do you think
I'm always happy when I come to work?
Okay, Sheila. [chuckles]
Um, do you, um
You wanna watch the movie with me?
[inhales sharply] I would, but I gotta
kick the woman next door out. So
I'll hang out till the New Edition scene.
Yeah. Thanks for helping out with this.
Your mom gonna love it.
All right. I think we're good.
Hole's all cut.
That's a damn fine job.
We make a good team.
I like it when we do stuff.
That calls for a brew.
You sure Mom's gonna want this?
If a heart attack ain't asking for
a dishwasher, I don't know what is.
Where's my beer?
Aloe vera juice?
- I hate Lucretia.
- Oh, can I get that juice though?
You would like this shit. Man.
- Dad, Aunt Lucretia is driving us crazy.
- [sighs]
- Yeah, she took my candy stash.
- And have you looked in the cabinets?
There's nothing
but Melba toast and seaweed chips.
We're gonna starve to death.
[Lucretia] Put it right there.
What is she doing now?
I don't know. But I'll be upstairs
hiding anything good she hasn't found yet.
Me too. Because I know I put
a Now and Later somewhere for later.
What are you doing now?
And who are these dudes?
You heard of the Property Brothers?
Well, these are my Property Bruhs.
- They putting in Regina's new treadmill.
- Treadmill? I didn't okay that.
'Cause I didn't ask you.
A healthy heart is diet and exercise.
I handled the diet.
This here is the exercise.
Lucretia, you need to cut this shit out.
You don't even live here.
Solved that problem too.
The home care workers I'm interviewing,
they'll take up my slack.
Why? I'm here.
I know.
And I don't like
Regina being with you unsupervised.
You are an at-risk adult.
[growls]
[funky instrumental music playing]
[Regina] Mmm!
- Ooh, shit, this juice is hitting.
- Yeah.
Maya would love it.
- [Sheila] Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I really should check in.
Would you stop? Just enjoy the time away.
I know I should,
but I can't help feeling bad.
- Hmm.
- You don't want to hear this.
I'm supposed to be in a meeting with Jan.
You can tell me anything right now.
[both laughing]
[sighs]
You know what I was doing?
Right before it happened?
I was complaining.
About my life, which is so stupid,
because I have a great life.
Please, everybody hates
their life sometime.
You know, I went skydiving once,
just so I could scream.
[laughs] Well, damn, I just do trivia.
- I've been frustrated before.
- Mmm.
This, though, was [grunts] different.
- It was deeper.
- How so?
[sighs] That's the problem.
I cannot put words to it.
Hmm.
My kids, they drive me insane.
But, oh, I love them.
- Aww.
- [laughs]
I love my husband.
I'm even enjoying,
kinda, my new job. [chuckles]
- Thanks again for that.
- Mm-hmm.
No problem.
My husband says you're doing a great job.
Get the hell out.
Dr. Webber is your man?
Dr. Webber? Dr. Malcolm Webber?
I know. He's fine, right?
[laughs]
Look.
Whatever you're feeling, it
it seems like
it's been brewing for a while.
- I hope it'll pass.
- Hmm.
But, if it doesn't just know,
you are allowed to feel what you feel.
That actually helps me.
Thanks.
[smacks lips]
Aw, shit, Sheila,
you are not what I thought you were.
[chuckles]
I am kinda a bad B, aren't I?
[laughing] Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Hold up.
All this time, "B" meant "bitch"?
It's good juice.
[laughs]
Well, ain't that a B?
[both chuckling]
[funky instrumental music playing]
- It's not going to fit.
- Tilt it to the left.
[Bernard sighs]
Your left, big dummy.
Don't you do this for a living?
I'm a deliveryman, not a magician.
Did you even measure this?
Yeah, with my eyes.
But I was too high.
Might have been squinting.
[sighs]
Unless y'all doing dishes in the driveway,
you gonna have to return this.
I don't want to hear that, son.
Your mama needs this,
and she's getting it.
That's fine.
But does she need one bigger than a car?
Take this back to Home Depot
and get a regular one.
Hey, Home Depot is too expensive.
I got this off Clarence.
He don't take no returns.
Who?
My boy, Clarence.
[sighs] You don't listen, Bernard.
Your mama needs this,
and she's getting it.
- Dad, Dad Dad!
- Get in there!
You're gonna break it.
[Bennie panting]
Shit needs to be right for her, you know?
Let's keep trying.
[grunting]
[funky instrumental music playing]
Hold this a sec, Maya.
Excuse you.
What?
Auntie got rid of all the tables
so Mom will have to walk more.
That makes you my table.
Would you believe she's
still got talcum powder in the bathroom?
[scoffs] Uh-huh.
Uh Frank, I appreciate it.
But there's nothing you can do here.
- Take your drink back.
- No.
- Take it, you jerk.
- I gotta go.
- Okay, bye, Frank.
- [Maya] Take it!
- Take it!
- No!
Are you two out of your damn minds?
How can you
be arguing at a time like this?
Easy. She sucks.
- You suck.
- No, you do.
Uh-uh. Hey. Hey!
That is your sister.
There is nothing in the world
like having a sister.
Your sister is your best friend.
Somebody who's always there.
You're right. My bad.
Give me my drink, Maya.
Unless something happens.
You can't control everything.
You can throw all the money
at the problem you want.
It might not matter.
Still might lose her.
You'll never get a chance
to tell her how you feel.
How much you like showing up for her.
You know she's your best friend,
but have you told her she is?
No.
'Cause you worried
about being taken for granted.
When you should be grateful
that she needs you.
- Bernard!
- Bernard!
[funky instrumental music playing]
[door opens]
[sniffles]
[sniffles, clears throat]
So stupid.
I haven't cried since Prince died.
Take your time.
[somber music playing]
Hey, baby, I got all my stuff.
I'm ready to go.
Hospital's expensive. We taking shit.
[laughs]
Who are you telling?
I got six packs of Jell-O,
and four pairs of slippers in there.
[door opens]
Okay.
I got the best chair in the joint.
Ooh, we taking equipment? Let's roll.
Seriously?
It's for the patient.
No, you right, you right.
[Regina grunts]
[nurse sighs, clicks tongue]
Okay, you can push her.
But I'm watching you.
Just 'cause you got her back to health
doesn't mean I trust you yet.
Remember, you take it easy
until the next two weeks
when you can meet with Dr. Johnson.
- [knocking at door]
- Knock-knock, discharged B.
Sorry, hard habit to break.
I came to say goodbye,
and to bring you my Mommy Survival Kit.
Aww. [chuckles]
- Oh, it's a bottle of wine.
- Red. It's good for your heart.
[chuckles]
Thank you.
For everything.
Why am I still sitting here?
Let's go home.
Hey, anybody hear from Althea?
Oh, I called her, she sends her love.
Althea, brace yourself.
We just got some terrible news.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Oh, just so you know,
the kids are gonna scream, "Welcome home."
It was a surprise, but we didn't wanna
give you another heart attack.
[chuckles] I figured.
Why else would Maya be
in the window holding balloons?
Oh, and before you freak out,
Bernard put a big-ass hole in the kitchen.
Don't trip, I'mma fix it.
- Welcome home!
- Welcome home!
[Bernard laughing]
- So glad you're back, Mom.
- We missed you so much.
[Maya] You don't look like
your heart attacked you.
Aww. [chuckles]
Thank you, guys. I love you.
Uh, where's my coffee table?
Why is there a treadmill
in my living room?
You're welcome.
Come on, Mom. Have a seat.
Maya and I fluffed the pillows for you.
[chuckles]
Oh! [chuckles]
All right, guys.
Listen, I'm very happy to be home.
But I don't want y'all
fussing over me, okay?
Like I'm sick or something.
My goodness.
I just want to get back to normal.
Okay? Like it never happened.
Y'all couldn't open the mail?
- You said keep it normal.
- [Regina sighs]
Oh, damn.
Hmm. Them hospital bills be hitting quick.
It's from Indiana University.
I applied to their MBA program,
like, three months ago.
Okay. Well, open it.
[scoffs]
I got in.
[all] Yeah!
[all cheering]
Yes!
- Congratulations!
- Baby!
[theme music playing]