UnREAL (2015) s03e07 Episode Script
Projection
1 Rachel? What the hell's going on? Just getting my father away from his jailor.
And if you follow us, I'm gonna go to the police.
JAY: You cannot wean your dad off of lithium - here in a grip truck.
- Okay, look.
He should've never been on those meds in the first place.
- My God, you're gorgeous.
- [LAUGHS.]
- This is Riley - Oh.
my baby girl.
This is what $400,000 looks like.
I need you to know that that bet, none of it means anything compared to you.
Why so sad? - Sissy no bounce? - We broke up.
This is what always makes me feel better.
This Emmy thing I think this is my one shot at leaving a legacy to my son, who I'll probably never see again.
You can win an Emmy.
You can see your son.
But you have to fight.
You stay right where you are.
Don't you come near me.
I see you.
What are you doing to her? - I tried to protect you.
- Dad.
- I couldn't protect you before.
- Dad, it's okay.
Sweetheart, it happened in my house! It should've been the safest place of all for you.
It's okay.
Come on, Dad.
It's too much, Rach.
No, it's fine, Dad, really.
It's what you need.
Hey, Dad.
How's it going? It's going good.
Well, it's just going like yesterday, I guess.
I know I've been calling a lot.
I'm worried about you.
No, don't don't do that.
You know, everybody says I'm I'm taking very well to the titrating, so I'm gonna be off these drugs before you know it.
That's great.
Dad, no, that's really good.
A-And what do they say? Do they say, like, a few more weeks? Uh yeah.
Rach, I don't know.
I, uh No, look, Dad.
Listen to me.
I do, okay? I talked to your doctor, and he completely agrees with me.
You never should've been on lithium in the first place.
Just hang in there, okay? Yeah, okay.
All right.
I'll call you again tomorrow.
I love you, Dad.
I love you, too, sweetheart.
[CLICK.]
- [PANTING.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Are you okay? Yeah.
- Did you talk to your dad? - I did.
He seems a little bit lonely, but I really think he's doing great.
- Good.
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause it's hometown dates.
- You sure you're up for this? - 100%.
[PANTING CONTINUES.]
[MOANING.]
Great.
[PANTING QUICKENS.]
And - [GRUNTS LOUDLY.]
- there you go.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Hmm.
[DOOR OPENS.]
I'm going down, deeper still Oh.
Hi.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Okay.
Now, I know I don't play for this team, but damn if I don't appreciate the eye candy.
[GROANS.]
Look, I actually do work here, okay? Mm.
This is really impressive, Quinn King.
Yeah.
Well, why don't you stick around for the day? See how it's done.
You know, unless you have somewhere else to be.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Nowhere that looks this good with its shirt off.
[LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you that much.
[GRUNTS.]
All right, hometown dates.
Pitch me, people.
- Well, I mean, it's got to be Owen.
- [GROANS.]
We've got this gorgeous single dad, he's got an adorable daughter.
She's never had a mother before.
And we make an entire family for this little girl.
Yeah, 'cause nothing says "romance" like crayon stains in Nowheresville, Colorado.
It is so boring! Let's go to the U.
K.
, baby Jasper's family's country house in the Cotswolds.
Like, Serena is, like, this close to forgiving him.
I just think You know, I really think it should be Zach, though.
- Of course you do.
- Shocker.
Well, he's so cute.
And he would be great for her brand.
Right, and he's also your last guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- He is a Millennial dream.
- He has 3.
8 - BOTH: 3.
8 million followers.
We are all aware, Madison.
Fiona, what do you think? - Come on up.
- Okay.
Let's see.
I say you go fireman.
Thank you.
Silicon Valley powerhouse gives it all up to become a mom with a veteran from Small Town USA, - healing a divided nation.
- Mnh-mnh.
Or the death of feminism.
Both very hot right now.
Okay, but that's not what this would be.
This would be making a family for a young girl who's never had a real mother.
Either way, I mean, it's got to be worth, what, two, three points in the demo? There's not gonna be a dry eye from here to Peoria.
- I like the sound of that! - [SNAPS FINGERS.]
Chet.
You put on pants this morning.
How refreshing.
You tucked your dick into yours.
How nice.
Jealous it's bigger? Touché, sir.
Uh, can I talk to you in private for a second? Uh, sure.
And you Owen's the one, so go sell your girl.
RACHEL: Do you hear that? Owen's the one.
You hear that? You want me to say it again? - I heard! - Owen's the one.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right.
I decided to take your advice.
I called my attorney, and I'm gonna ask for supervised visitation with my son.
Wow.
Good for you.
I'm sober.
I'm taking parenting classes.
There's just one thing.
My attorney says I need a character witness.
[LAUGHS.]
What, a-are you asking me to be your character witness? Who else? I mean, we were together for 10 years! [SIGHS.]
Nobody knows me better.
Okay, I was your mistress, all right? That's not exactly an ace in the hole.
No, that's the point.
W-We're no longer together, so you have no vested interest.
You know, I-I don't know, Chet.
I don't know.
My attorney says that you're my best shot.
Because you're my only shot, really.
I'm baring my soul here.
Oh, yeah? You still have one of those? I want a relationship with my son.
Fine.
Are we done? Oh, yes! Oh! Thank you.
Mm.
Okay.
All right, all right.
Look, don't make me regret it.
Ohh.
I really think that you should pick Owen.
- Owen? - Yeah.
I think there's got to be a reason why you guys had that connection on the first night.
I don't know.
We are really different people.
I mean, he's a really good guy.
I mean, he's a simple guy in the best possible way, just like your father.
You said that your parents have been married, like, 40 years? Uh-huh.
And you got to want that for yourself.
Is this what Quinn wants or what you want? - Honestly? Both.
- Mm-hmm.
But that doesn't mean that it's the wrong choice.
Trust me on this.
He could be the one.
Five suitors, four continents, but only one hometown date.
Serena must decide today which man will not only give her the key to his home but also to his heart.
I've thought a lot about what the hometown date really means.
Um, it's a chance for me to see how I fit into your lives and into the lives of those who love you the most.
So, with that in mind, the place that I most want to go is Frontier Creek, Colorado.
Owen, will you take me home? Umm Rachel, what is happening? Your boy is about to tank my heartland hometown.
I'm sorry.
Can we can we cut? No! No, we cannot cut! Yeah, w-we're not cutting, dude.
Well, I-I'm gonna need a second, so No Jeremy, go! Follow him! Do not let him out of your sight! - Go! Go! Go! - Owen! [INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Owen.
What's going on? Hey, hey! You know, it's just, I I'm just not sure about some of your choices.
[LAUGHING.]
What does that mean? It means you found out that Jasper was here on a bet, and then you kept him after he bought his way back in.
- Is this a guy with a conscience? - [LAUGHS.]
The peonies? That was him trying to apologize.
It was sweet.
- Of course you thought that.
- [GROANS.]
Because it's him.
Because you guys know the same people.
- You went to the same schools.
- That is not why I forgave him.
You were a bet, Serena.
Jasper didn't even know who I was when he made that bet! And that's my point! He's still the guy that would've slept with anyone to win a bet.
And if you're really okay with that, I don't think you're the kind of person who I want to take home to my daughter.
Oh, great! [LAUGHS.]
You need to fix this, Rachel.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
RACHEL: Serena? Oh, my God.
Honestly, I'm, like, so sorry.
I had no idea that that was gonna happen.
Like, that was not a setup, okay? - I promise.
- I-I know.
I know.
But what Owen said, that was completely unfair.
No, that was completely fair.
I mean, I have been making allowances for Jasper that I-I wouldn't make for anyone else.
I'm gonna head back out there.
I'll talk to Owen.
- I'll get him back on board.
- No, I will.
I want to talk to Owen.
Yeah, I w-want to talk to him myself.
I need a camera on Serena now.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Hi.
It's hard to get away in this place.
Look, I'm sorry about what I said.
It was No.
No, no.
You were exactly right.
The truth is, I've dated guys like Jasper my whole life, and it's gotten me nowhere.
I mean, it's you that I want to go home with.
I mean, you've you've been there for me since the first night.
And honestly, I've neglected you.
I don't know why, but it is so clear that you are the only truly good man here.
I'm just really sorry that I didn't realize it till now.
Will you give me another chance? Take me home with you.
Let me meet Riley.
This is good, Rachel! Look at you! I think that Riley's gonna love you.
She made that almost seem believable.
And cut! See? Come on.
It's real between them.
Well, real or not, whatever gets her all Rocky Mountain High is fine by me.
W Uh, who's Riley? Is she the kid? Mm-hmm.
She's Owen's daughter.
She's so cute.
She loves dogs.
She hates clowns.
I mean, your adorable, typical 6-year-old.
Okay! All right, people! Let's go! I need everybody to make sure they take their altitude-sickness pills.
I don't another Peru debacle.
Good trip, everyone! MAN: Final call.
Buses and trucks are leaving for the airport in five minutes.
Jay! No hard feelings, bud.
I know you had your heart set on merry old England.
I thought for sure you were gonna send in Jasper - during Serena's apology.
- Please.
I don't care.
It gives me time to work on "Passport to Dance.
" But you have fun freezing your ass off.
[SMOOCHES.]
Bye! JEREMY: Doc.
Hey.
How's Rachel? Yeah, Serena's in the other van.
That whole thing that happened with her dad Yeah.
Listen, Jeremy.
Um, I understand your concern, but I think it's best for you if you kept a little distance from Rachel.
Oh, because you're the only one that can save her now? Have a good trip.
Hey, babe.
Do you think this jacket's warm enough for Colorado? Or should I bring my down? All right, I'll see you guys there.
I'll see you guys.
Um You know, actually neither.
They want you to stay here and shoot "A" cam at the mansion.
Your name's gonna be on the call sheet.
It's a legit promotion, if you're up for it.
This is huge! Of course I'm up for it! Thank you.
You guys ready? Let's get this party started! [WHISTLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Nice! A real step up from the assistants pool, King.
Yeah, I knew I had made it when I got my own bar cart.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, man.
Your deadbeat dad must be up your ass looking for handouts.
How is Randy? Actually, he's dead.
[LAUGHS.]
Ohh! Damn.
I'm sorry.
I didn't Wait.
You talk to your mom at the funeral? - How'd that go? - Well, it was great.
'Cause she didn't show, as usual.
[LAUGHS.]
- Uh, listen.
- Hmm? I have a proposition for you.
I'm so flattered, honey.
But you're not my type.
[LAUGHS.]
It is a business proposition.
- Look, Gary promised me four shows - Mm-hmm.
and now I got to deliver.
So, what do you say you and I partner up and we burn down this boys club together? Quinn, uh You said that you wanted to get back into scripted, and I am up for that, too.
- I can't.
- Why not? I only want to get back into scripted if I can make high-end, premium content.
And that's not your brand.
I am trying to make that my brand.
[CHUCKLING.]
Quinn.
"Everlasting" is a schlocky dating show.
"Will she find love?" Who cares? The kinds of stories I'm talking about strike a cultural chord.
They mean more, go deeper.
Excuse me, but I am finding a mommy for Little Orphan What's-Her-Face.
That is deep.
Quinn, you can't seriously believe what Rachel is selling? I mean, she's kind of a nutjob.
America's gonna eat it up.
I can serve high-end without putting people to sleep with this PBS euthanasia crap.
You really think this show is that good? No.
I am.
Hey, Rach, uh I just want to see, how's your dad doing? - Um, he's great, actually, he is.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Um, look, I just wanted to thank you for, um your help.
I always liked your dad, you know? I don't know if he liked me, but Are you kidding me? Thank you.
He actually told me to marry you.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
I mean, he was also on drugs at the time, so Yeah, yeah.
All right, guys, we've got "B" camera waiting inside.
Serena, please, let's bring you over.
Owen.
Thank you.
All right, here we go.
We are rolling in 3, 2 [SIREN WAILING, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Hey, guys.
Nice to meet you.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you.
Daddy! Riley! Come here! Hi, baby girl! How are you? Good? Yeah? I want you to meet somebody.
Hi! - You're my new mommy! - Oh! What? Uh, no, I'm not.
I I mean, I-I might be [CHUCKLES.]
someday.
Um, can you shake hands? Yeah.
Got to shake a little tougher than that.
There you go.
That's a good, strong handshake.
RILEY: Uh Daddy? Riley, why don't we go get you some ginger ale, huh? - Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
What the hell are you doing? What does it look like? Think this is gonna impress Serena? Digging a hole? It's not a hole, mate.
It's an infiltration pit.
The mansion's got a huge runoff problem, and this pit will allow the rainwater to percolate down through the soil.
- So you're digging a hole, then? - That's very funny.
It's actually an environmental disaster.
And none of this is to, uh, impress Serena? I'm pretty sure my time for impressing Serena is long gone, all right? So, while I'm still here, I need to get back to the real reason I came on this show.
And what's that? Tell the world the environment needs saving.
And something as little as a hole, anyone can make a difference.
- Maybe even you.
- For the love of God.
My investments have made more in interest for clean water than your sodding Eco-business could make in a lifetime.
Lady, you okay? I don't know.
I just, like, froze, or something.
She's a kid.
She doesn't even know what she's saying.
No, Rachel, she seemed pretty clear.
- She's 6 years old.
- I know.
I know that.
But I don't have a lot of experience with kids.
My nephews live back east, so I never see them.
O-Obviously, I knew that Owen had a daughter, I just, you know, I'm just not really sure that I'm ready to be insta-mom.
All Riley wants is somebody to love her.
I mean, she's never even had a real mom.
And you would be an incredible one.
Yeah? Must be nice being a corporate shill who's never gotten dirt under his fingernails or or broken a sweat, like a real man.
Hmm.
That's funny.
- Thank you.
- You're a funny man.
Um you know what? I I think I, uh I think I feel like digging a hole, too.
You sure you don't want to just sit and watch? Get a cup of tea? Just take it easy, Princess, all righty? Right.
Watch me.
Hey, what the hell is this? Are you just giving up now? Yo.
I was meditating.
You just blocked my chi.
Look, you are my last guy.
If you get cut, then I go home, too.
I ain't goin' nowhere.
We need a plan.
So, what're you - Look, you got to stop - stressing, all right? I got my own plan.
I'm playing the slow game.
Serena and I, we got a connection.
- I'm like her confidant.
- Okay, she doesn't want a friend.
She's looking for a husband.
Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just Should I be filming that? [BOTH GRUNTING.]
Yes, you should definitely be filming that.
Ooh Ahhh Ahh Hey.
Owen.
Owen, hey, I'm I'm so sorry the "mommy" thing upset me.
I was afraid that this was all gonna be too much, too soon.
It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Riley.
You got to understand, she's everything to me.
So if things aren't good with her, then nothing else matters.
I think we just need some daddy/daughter time alone.
Sure.
Yeah, no.
Take all the time you need.
Hey.
Rachel, I'm worried about this.
I mean, I feel like we didn't really think this through.
I thought this through.
I thought that this was a really good idea, which is why you are here.
Maybe Owen and I could, like, sneak away later, - I mean, just the two of us.
- No! Owen and Riley are, like, this package deal.
You can't just ship her off.
Well, look, Serena, if you're not seeing her as a plus, maybe this isn't the right fit for you.
- I don't know.
- I don't know.
This is all happening a little fast.
I think I just I just need a minute to think, okay? Yeah.
Okay.
QUINN: Hey.
Rachel? Aren't you supposed to be in the middle of a date? Is there a problem? Uh, yeah, actually, there is.
Look, I screwed up, okay? Serena's just, like, not into it.
The little girl ran into her arms and called her "mommy," and it just completely freaked Serena out.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, we could definitely make something out of that.
Okay, yeah, well, maybe you can, but I'm just not going to.
Ah! This is what I was afraid of.
Rachel, "Heartland Hometown Hero" needs to win for ratings period! [CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Hey, Jay! Hey, what? What's up? Uh Rachel's brain has officially turned to mush.
I need you to prep Alexi, because if Owen goes south, then I need your guy to jump in and spice things up.
- Copy that.
- Great.
Somebody go book me a flight to Colorado! [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
What's up? What're you doing here? You, uh, scared me a little on the phone, Rachel.
Where is Serena? Why is she not in full mommy-mode? I told you, that's not gonna happen.
And why is that? Look, I think it's not too late to pull the plug.
You know, we could still head to England.
Jay was right.
Um, Owen is your guy.
And you're just gonna tank him like that? Right.
No, I know.
He's my guy, and I care about him and Serena, which is why I just Look, I really don't want to force this.
What happened to "making a family"? Serena isn't into it, and, what, Riley's gonna grow up thinking that this was her fault? I'm not doing that to a 6-year-old.
Oh, my God.
This is not your family, Rachel.
Riley is not you, and Serena is not Olive.
I'm not gonna let her screw up this kid.
We can't make Serena feel something she doesn't want to feel, okay, Quinn? That is our entire job description, okay? If she is not feeling it, we make her feel it.
So, go do your job.
Hey, don't get too attached to this scenery.
If I have anything to say about this, we're headed home - after this last setup.
- Why? What's going on? Quinn wants to make big drama here, but it's not good for the kid.
So be thinking a "tearful goodbye" as the shot composition.
Just a heads-up.
- Hey, uh, Serena? - Hey.
Can I, uh, talk to you before we head to Owen's? Listen, I-I've been thinking about it - Yeah.
- and you're totally right.
I have to make Riley the priority.
Seriously? You know, she loves pancakes, so it's, like, the only thing I actually know how to make.
I'll make her blueberry pancakes and braid her hair.
And she's got to love that, right? - Come on.
- What? - Is this even what you want? - I am trying to want it.
I mean, it's what you said it's a package deal.
This whole thing is supposed to be about finding the right guy, not proving that you can get an "A" at everything.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, so all that stuff you said about Owen being the perfect guy for me, I'm just supposed to forget all of that? No.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that this is not about Owen.
This is about Riley.
Look, I know what it's like to be the daughter of a driven woman who always put herself first.
Okay, that's not who I am.
I I mean, it's not - who I want to be.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I I'm just saying that if you do this before you're really ready, you and Riley could both come to regret it.
Okay, let me think about it.
You know, when we get back to the mansion No, if you're gonna do it, if you're gonna cut him, you need to do it right now.
Let's let him stay here and be with his kid.
He can't leave her again.
We're gonna make him look like this incredible father.
There's gonna be women, like, lining up for miles to go out with him.
I mean, you're doing the guy a favor.
I'll go get Owen ready.
This is the right thing to be doing.
Fine.
I'll call him myself.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Uh, hey, Rachel.
Um, uh, where's Hurt Locker and Honey Boo Boo? Uh, well, I think Serena's about to cut Owen, and then we're gonna pack it up.
So you just did the opposite of what I asked? Mmmmm yes.
Great.
This'll be a hometown date to remember.
Come on.
It's gonna be some big, huge, tearful goodbye.
There's not gonna be a dry eye in the house.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Then what else will be on TV that night? Because that's what I will be watching.
No, Rachel, we're gonna blow this thing up.
Talk to me.
How much longer? Our contestants have returned to a primal state in pursuit of winning the lovely Serena's affection.
Excuse me.
Ohh! It seems that August has penetrated the deepest within the earth.
That's not why I did this.
August is the winner! It's not a competition, Graham.
It's an infiltration pit.
Wait, wait.
What does he get for the win? Uh a one-on-one date with Serena.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Ain't nobody tell me that.
Hold on.
Give me that shovel.
This is a joke.
All right, I'm out of here.
This is stupid.
I'm done.
I'm out, too.
Follow my lead.
Female gaze.
You got me? Absolutely.
Let's sex this thing up.
August, you can't go back to the mansion like that.
You're filthy.
What are you doing?! Give it here! I'll do it myself.
What's wrong with you? Hey, Jasper, get back here! I am not your show monkey, little girl.
Good luck with this, Tarzan.
What the hell are you doing? Are you a child? You need to clean yourself off there, big boy.
- Okay.
- You all right? - What are you - Oh, there we go! That's nice and clean for you, buddy.
Is this soft-core enough for you? Well, we had girls in bikinis on the North Pole.
- I'd say this is revenge.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm really glad Jeremy didn't take you to Colorado.
- I was a little surprised, though.
- Why? Hometown dates are like crew prom.
There's hotel rooms and mini bars and doors that lock.
Everybody hooks up.
ZACH: Hey! Hey, I need to talk to you.
Yeah.
We'll go back to my house.
I know they're getting dinner ready, and you don't want to You okay? Like, not great.
Cutting him is best for the kid.
You're looking out for her, Rach.
It's It's really nice.
You're doing the right thing.
OWEN: I'm sorry that things have been - a little rough with Riley and - No, no, no.
No, no.
She's She's amazing, and you are such a good dad.
I mean, I-I can really see how much you love her.
[RILEY SCREAMS.]
No, no! Get away from me! - [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, you want a balloon? - Hey! Get away from her! - They hired me.
- Daddy! The clown is scary! - She's terrified of clowns, man.
- They hired me to give out balloons.
- I don't care! Just get out of here! - Right now, okay? - Quinn, what are you doing? [INDISTINCT ARGUING.]
[CRIES.]
Aw, are you okay, sweetie? QUINN: Oh, nice pee close-up, Camera B.
Jeremy, get in there! It's okay.
You don't have to be embarrassed.
- Put the camera down, man! - RACHEL: Quinn! Put that camera down, and you'll never pick one up - on this show again.
- Rachel! What are you doing?! I didn't have anything to do with this.
[SCOFFS.]
- He's still there! - Get him away! - OWEN: Riley! - [CRYING.]
- Oh, my God! Riley! - [TRUCK HORN BLARES.]
Riley! [TIRES SCREECH.]
Riley! [PANTING.]
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- You're fine.
Everything's fine.
- We got you.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Come here.
All right, we're gonna cross the street, okay? Good.
Everything's all right.
I got you.
Quinn, how could you do that? I mean, seriously? After everything that's happened on this show? The kid is fine.
You used her one pathological fear.
It was a clown! All right? I didn't know she was gonna go running into the street, - like some scared Chihuahua.
- Quinn, she could have died.
But she didn't, okay? Besides, I don't understand.
Whatever happened to, like, facing our fears, okay? I'm so sick and tired of all this overprotective parent crap! I grew up without a mother, your mother is a certified psycho, and we are fine.
Most days.
All right? And look at them.
They are a beautiful family.
I got all of her mama juices flowing.
I did that.
I did what you couldn't do.
- Hey.
Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah, of course.
- Hi.
Sorry.
- Are you okay? Yeah, yeah.
If you want, why don't we, like, push the goodbye by like an hour, or No.
No, no.
I-I want to stay.
I can't just cut him after all that.
I-I know it's crazy, but the way that I felt when I saw Riley run into the street, I just Yeah, it was, like, an amazing moment, for sure.
But it was just one intense moment.
And being a mother, it's you know, it's 24/7.
I mean, nothing has changed here, Serena.
No, but it has.
That's what I'm trying to say.
And maybe I can do the mom thing.
I mean, the way that I felt about Riley in that moment, I-I'm not gonna just leave that here in Colorado.
Oh, yeah, okay.
- Okay? - I mean, yeah, of course.
- It's your choice, so - Okay.
[UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC LAYS.]
[SNIFFS.]
[GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
Give it to me.
Yeah.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
This is fantastic! [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Brazil street dance is the best! It's a mixture of samba, drums and sex.
You are unbelievable.
Come here.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[GIGGLING.]
- Help me! - No! She can't help you! No! I can't help you! I can't help you! See? That is called a story arc, Rachel.
She wasn't into it at first, but now she is.
Well, I'm glad you're happy.
I hope it was worth it.
What Worth what? Doing my job? Or doing your job, actually? You scarred that little girl for life.
She's gonna be getting teased about pissing her pants in college.
I mean, do you want to just, like, set up her therapy fund right now? Just get over it.
Did Fiona put you up to this? She doesn't even work in reality TV.
She has no idea what we do.
No one puts me up to anything.
Right.
Right.
They are kissing.
That is your guy.
You should be thanking me.
Thanks, Quinn.
Hey, Quinn.
I have some really great news.
While everyone was away, I got August, Jasper, and Zach to compete in a dig-off for Serena, and August won.
What the hell is a dig-off? That sounds ridiculous.
I mean, it's a little caveman macho, but I got some really great footage of the guys.
- Look.
- Okay.
Hi.
Uh, yeah, this is Rachel Goldberg.
I'm calling for my father.
Okay, well, can you just tell him that I called and I'll try again later? Thank you.
CHET: Hey! Where are you going? You got to get to the network with that footage.
T-They're gonna cream in their jeans when they see that.
You just bought us season 16! So, you're really okay with all of this? Yes, absolutely.
What are you talking about? Do you know what Quinn did to get that footage? She made a little girl piss herself.
Well, listen, these things happen with children.
Quinn made it happen.
She deliberately terrified a 6-year-old who almost died.
I mean, how would you feel if that was your kid? Rachel, what are you talking about? [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Mud wrestling we haven't done that before.
Yeah.
We can use this, Madison.
Good job.
I kinda promised that whoever won would get a one-on-one date with Serena.
Mm.
Well, you kinda shouldn't make promises you can't keep.
No one-on-one dates without my say-so.
Okay, but, you know that August isn't even my guy, right? Look, I'm totally a team player.
I will help anyone on the team.
Fine.
Okay? August can have a few minutes to grovel, - but that is it, all right? - Okay, thank you.
Now go wave your pom-poms somewhere else.
Just find out who put up these peacocks! I hate them! CHET: Hey! Quinn! Quinnie! Is it true what I heard? Did you scare that kid on purpose? Is the kid okay? Yes.
Is the footage great? Yes.
What was it, Fiona's idea? Oh, grow up, Chet.
Hey, I'm all grown up, Quinn.
But you? You know, I did what I had to do for the show.
And everything was fine.
You don't get it, do you? You crossed a line.
Oh! Suddenly there's a line? Yes.
And if you were a mother, you'd understand.
If you had children of your own, you never would've done something like that.
You're right.
I am not a mother.
So how could I possibly know if you're a good father? Guess you'll have to find someone else to speak at your visitation hearing.
No.
Don't do that.
Hey, Quinn.
Quinn! [DOOR SLAMS, LOCK CLICKS.]
Please don't do this.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hey, Serena.
- Yeah? - Hi.
Uh, you're needed on set.
For what? I think you're probably gonna want to come and see this for yourself.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
What's going on? You You brought me out here to look at a hole? No.
It's a water infiltration pit.
Or, at least, it will be.
See, this will make the mansion more sustainable.
Oh.
And it was Madison's idea to bring you here.
Not mine.
'Cause you're just not interested.
Of course I'm interested, Serena.
But whatever happens between us, that's that's up to you now.
I just want to use my time left on the show for something good.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Yo! I dug a hole, too! [CHUCKLING.]
Okay, let me see your hole.
Size doesn't matter, right? Look, I gave this hole everything I got, 'cause I want to show you how serious I am about you.
Not as a friend but as a lover.
As a man.
Do you even know what an infiltration pit is? Does it matter? Look, I got 3.
8 million followers.
I could tweet this out, we'll have holes everywhere.
Whack-a-mole nation.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Actually, I, uh I promised Quinn that we'd get back to the mansion.
We got to prep for the elimination ceremony.
- Cool.
- Well, thank you Yeah, of course.
You like it, though, right? for your holes.
Really, really great holes, guys.
You love me for my holes, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Hey, Owen.
Can I talk to you for a second? You want to apologize? Look.
I had no idea about that whole clown thing.
[SCOFFS.]
You expect me to buy that? That's her one fear, Rachel.
That clown didn't just show up on its own.
I know.
And I would do anything to protect Riley.
Which is why I wanted to talk to you.
Look, what Serena did, that was amazing.
I mean, the woman's incredible.
But I really don't think that she's ready to be a mom.
You think I couldn't see that? You know, when I got back from Iraq, I had a baby dropped in my lap.
I didn't feel it, either.
I panicked.
Thought about dropping her off with my sister and asking her to raise her.
But I grew into it.
And so will Serena.
And what if she doesn't? Look, I'm just saying, I had a complicated relationship with my own mother, and Serena dove in front of a truck to save my daughter, Rachel.
- That's the kind of person that she is.
- I know.
And besides, she has so many other amazing qualities.
She has an incredible career, she travels all over the world, she goes after what she wants.
Do you have any idea what having a role model like that - would do for Riley? - A role model, yes, but Families are all different, Rachel.
I believe that Serena will get there.
And until then, I can be mom enough for both of us.
Look, I know that doesn't sound manly or whatever, but No, it, um sounds really beautiful.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hi.
So, how was your time on the frontier? It was actually kind of incredible.
I can really see what a life there would look like.
Mm.
A life in the-middle-of-nowhere Colorado only seems like a good idea now because you've been stuck in this hellhole of a mansion.
Don't kid yourself.
It'd never be enough.
It's just It's not who you are.
You know, maybe it's worth giving up a lifestyle to find a real connection.
Mm.
And who says you have to choose? Why don't you have both? You think that's what we have? A real connection? You tell me.
- Where is Alexi? Do you know? - My darling sunflower! - Finally you came back to me.
- [GIGGLES.]
This place is so depressing without you.
- I'm sorry if I'm late.
- Wish murder was legal.
- Copy that.
- Some things are worth waiting for.
Stop kissing her ass! All right, people, let's go! Let's go! Action already! Oh, nice of you to show up.
Yeah, sorry.
I just Gentlemen, we only have four golden key rings, which means one of you will leave tonight without having unlocked Serena's heart.
This was a very tough decision.
And it honestly pains me to know that one of you will be going home today.
Owen, I had an incredible time with you and Riley in Frontier Creek.
And I will always treasure it.
See? I made a perfect family, Rachel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks for coming.
- Jasper.
- Boom! You've given me a lot to think about, and I hope we can continue our conversation moving forward.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a horse race.
Alexi.
You know how much I love your creativity and passion.
I hope I get to see more of it.
QUINN: "Creativity.
" That's a good word for it.
GRAHAM: Serena, this is the last key ring of the night.
Dun-dun-dun! Two men left.
One, a close friend, and the other, a challenging lover.
Ugh! Graham! Gross! Thank you, Graham.
Zach.
Oh.
Don't do it.
I have had such a good time with you.
But I didn't come on this show just to have fun.
I came here to look for a husband.
I just don't see that being in the cards for us.
So, it's it's this guy? Come on.
The fireman's cool.
But the rest of 'em? You got an Australian douche, [CHUCKLES.]
you got a Russian douche, you got a British douche.
You got the United Nations of douche-Dom here.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, come on.
He's not wrong.
I'm telling you, fun is underrated.
In 10 years, you're gonna come crawling back.
I might just take you.
Where has that been all season? Oh, now I wish we could keep him.
I wasn't leaving without doing that.
All right, douches.
Hey, it's, uh Charlie, right? That depends.
You are consistently getting footage that my male D.
P.
s can't.
I mean, they have zero problem shooting tits and ass, but when it comes to lighting a dick shadow, they don't know squat.
So good work.
Wow.
Last time that Quinn gave me a compliment was Oh, yeah, that's right never, 'cause I've never gotten one.
Ever.
Did you and Rachel have fun at prom? Whoa.
What are you talking about? I breathe, I feel Listen.
I see how you look at her.
I don't care if you still have drama going on with her.
I'm just not gonna be a part of it.
P.
S.
, it didn't suck being stuck in a house full of hot guys.
Yeah.
Thanks for letting me know.
I will.
Look, I know what you're gonna say.
You're gonna say that I'm being blamey, but Quinn manipulated this entire thing.
- And the worst part is it's worked! - Rachel.
Rachel So what the hell do I know about creating a family? Rachel! I got to tell you something.
Resembles life from time to time Asa checked out of the facility.
What? He called your mom.
She came and got him.
I'm so sorry.
S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep [SNIFFLES.]
Notorious peace Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be [VOICE BREAKING.]
What are you doing? S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace Q-Q-Quivering glee P-P-P-P-Patiently be [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES.]
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS.]
Quinn? Hey, um can we talk for a second? Oh, you want to talk to me? I thought I was the monster who ate babies for breakfast.
I stood aside, watched it come to life Oh, hey! With hills and lakes in its embrace Oh, hey![CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, hey! Let's go, sister.
You ready to blow this joint? Humbled God - Unknown things by the horizon - Hell yes.
Well, get that tight ass of yours in here.
[LAUGHS.]
Hi, Rachel.
Bye, Rachel.
[LAUGHS.]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
S-S-Shivering breeze [LIGHTER CLICKS.]
G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace [WHINES.]
Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be [SIGHS.]
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace What do you want? Hey, buddy.
I saw the episode last week, and I loved it.
All that gay stuff worked like gangbusters.
I'm getting calls from other groups.
You are definitely on their radar.
- Really? - Yeah.
This is how awards campaigns are born, my friend.
The story was really Quinn's idea.
Just wanted to go for some deeper material.
It's not about the content.
It's about the campaign.
Now, lucky for you, I have deep pockets and enough pull to get you the top-notch P.
R.
push you need to get the gold.
What's the catch? You need my help, and I need yours.
You want the Emmy.
What do you want? Quinn's head on a platter.
I need proof of every shady thing she has ever done.
You get me the dirt, I get you the hardware.
And if you follow us, I'm gonna go to the police.
JAY: You cannot wean your dad off of lithium - here in a grip truck.
- Okay, look.
He should've never been on those meds in the first place.
- My God, you're gorgeous.
- [LAUGHS.]
- This is Riley - Oh.
my baby girl.
This is what $400,000 looks like.
I need you to know that that bet, none of it means anything compared to you.
Why so sad? - Sissy no bounce? - We broke up.
This is what always makes me feel better.
This Emmy thing I think this is my one shot at leaving a legacy to my son, who I'll probably never see again.
You can win an Emmy.
You can see your son.
But you have to fight.
You stay right where you are.
Don't you come near me.
I see you.
What are you doing to her? - I tried to protect you.
- Dad.
- I couldn't protect you before.
- Dad, it's okay.
Sweetheart, it happened in my house! It should've been the safest place of all for you.
It's okay.
Come on, Dad.
It's too much, Rach.
No, it's fine, Dad, really.
It's what you need.
Hey, Dad.
How's it going? It's going good.
Well, it's just going like yesterday, I guess.
I know I've been calling a lot.
I'm worried about you.
No, don't don't do that.
You know, everybody says I'm I'm taking very well to the titrating, so I'm gonna be off these drugs before you know it.
That's great.
Dad, no, that's really good.
A-And what do they say? Do they say, like, a few more weeks? Uh yeah.
Rach, I don't know.
I, uh No, look, Dad.
Listen to me.
I do, okay? I talked to your doctor, and he completely agrees with me.
You never should've been on lithium in the first place.
Just hang in there, okay? Yeah, okay.
All right.
I'll call you again tomorrow.
I love you, Dad.
I love you, too, sweetheart.
[CLICK.]
- [PANTING.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Are you okay? Yeah.
- Did you talk to your dad? - I did.
He seems a little bit lonely, but I really think he's doing great.
- Good.
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause it's hometown dates.
- You sure you're up for this? - 100%.
[PANTING CONTINUES.]
[MOANING.]
Great.
[PANTING QUICKENS.]
And - [GRUNTS LOUDLY.]
- there you go.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Hmm.
[DOOR OPENS.]
I'm going down, deeper still Oh.
Hi.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Okay.
Now, I know I don't play for this team, but damn if I don't appreciate the eye candy.
[GROANS.]
Look, I actually do work here, okay? Mm.
This is really impressive, Quinn King.
Yeah.
Well, why don't you stick around for the day? See how it's done.
You know, unless you have somewhere else to be.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Nowhere that looks this good with its shirt off.
[LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you that much.
[GRUNTS.]
All right, hometown dates.
Pitch me, people.
- Well, I mean, it's got to be Owen.
- [GROANS.]
We've got this gorgeous single dad, he's got an adorable daughter.
She's never had a mother before.
And we make an entire family for this little girl.
Yeah, 'cause nothing says "romance" like crayon stains in Nowheresville, Colorado.
It is so boring! Let's go to the U.
K.
, baby Jasper's family's country house in the Cotswolds.
Like, Serena is, like, this close to forgiving him.
I just think You know, I really think it should be Zach, though.
- Of course you do.
- Shocker.
Well, he's so cute.
And he would be great for her brand.
Right, and he's also your last guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- He is a Millennial dream.
- He has 3.
8 - BOTH: 3.
8 million followers.
We are all aware, Madison.
Fiona, what do you think? - Come on up.
- Okay.
Let's see.
I say you go fireman.
Thank you.
Silicon Valley powerhouse gives it all up to become a mom with a veteran from Small Town USA, - healing a divided nation.
- Mnh-mnh.
Or the death of feminism.
Both very hot right now.
Okay, but that's not what this would be.
This would be making a family for a young girl who's never had a real mother.
Either way, I mean, it's got to be worth, what, two, three points in the demo? There's not gonna be a dry eye from here to Peoria.
- I like the sound of that! - [SNAPS FINGERS.]
Chet.
You put on pants this morning.
How refreshing.
You tucked your dick into yours.
How nice.
Jealous it's bigger? Touché, sir.
Uh, can I talk to you in private for a second? Uh, sure.
And you Owen's the one, so go sell your girl.
RACHEL: Do you hear that? Owen's the one.
You hear that? You want me to say it again? - I heard! - Owen's the one.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right.
I decided to take your advice.
I called my attorney, and I'm gonna ask for supervised visitation with my son.
Wow.
Good for you.
I'm sober.
I'm taking parenting classes.
There's just one thing.
My attorney says I need a character witness.
[LAUGHS.]
What, a-are you asking me to be your character witness? Who else? I mean, we were together for 10 years! [SIGHS.]
Nobody knows me better.
Okay, I was your mistress, all right? That's not exactly an ace in the hole.
No, that's the point.
W-We're no longer together, so you have no vested interest.
You know, I-I don't know, Chet.
I don't know.
My attorney says that you're my best shot.
Because you're my only shot, really.
I'm baring my soul here.
Oh, yeah? You still have one of those? I want a relationship with my son.
Fine.
Are we done? Oh, yes! Oh! Thank you.
Mm.
Okay.
All right, all right.
Look, don't make me regret it.
Ohh.
I really think that you should pick Owen.
- Owen? - Yeah.
I think there's got to be a reason why you guys had that connection on the first night.
I don't know.
We are really different people.
I mean, he's a really good guy.
I mean, he's a simple guy in the best possible way, just like your father.
You said that your parents have been married, like, 40 years? Uh-huh.
And you got to want that for yourself.
Is this what Quinn wants or what you want? - Honestly? Both.
- Mm-hmm.
But that doesn't mean that it's the wrong choice.
Trust me on this.
He could be the one.
Five suitors, four continents, but only one hometown date.
Serena must decide today which man will not only give her the key to his home but also to his heart.
I've thought a lot about what the hometown date really means.
Um, it's a chance for me to see how I fit into your lives and into the lives of those who love you the most.
So, with that in mind, the place that I most want to go is Frontier Creek, Colorado.
Owen, will you take me home? Umm Rachel, what is happening? Your boy is about to tank my heartland hometown.
I'm sorry.
Can we can we cut? No! No, we cannot cut! Yeah, w-we're not cutting, dude.
Well, I-I'm gonna need a second, so No Jeremy, go! Follow him! Do not let him out of your sight! - Go! Go! Go! - Owen! [INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Owen.
What's going on? Hey, hey! You know, it's just, I I'm just not sure about some of your choices.
[LAUGHING.]
What does that mean? It means you found out that Jasper was here on a bet, and then you kept him after he bought his way back in.
- Is this a guy with a conscience? - [LAUGHS.]
The peonies? That was him trying to apologize.
It was sweet.
- Of course you thought that.
- [GROANS.]
Because it's him.
Because you guys know the same people.
- You went to the same schools.
- That is not why I forgave him.
You were a bet, Serena.
Jasper didn't even know who I was when he made that bet! And that's my point! He's still the guy that would've slept with anyone to win a bet.
And if you're really okay with that, I don't think you're the kind of person who I want to take home to my daughter.
Oh, great! [LAUGHS.]
You need to fix this, Rachel.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
RACHEL: Serena? Oh, my God.
Honestly, I'm, like, so sorry.
I had no idea that that was gonna happen.
Like, that was not a setup, okay? - I promise.
- I-I know.
I know.
But what Owen said, that was completely unfair.
No, that was completely fair.
I mean, I have been making allowances for Jasper that I-I wouldn't make for anyone else.
I'm gonna head back out there.
I'll talk to Owen.
- I'll get him back on board.
- No, I will.
I want to talk to Owen.
Yeah, I w-want to talk to him myself.
I need a camera on Serena now.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Hi.
It's hard to get away in this place.
Look, I'm sorry about what I said.
It was No.
No, no.
You were exactly right.
The truth is, I've dated guys like Jasper my whole life, and it's gotten me nowhere.
I mean, it's you that I want to go home with.
I mean, you've you've been there for me since the first night.
And honestly, I've neglected you.
I don't know why, but it is so clear that you are the only truly good man here.
I'm just really sorry that I didn't realize it till now.
Will you give me another chance? Take me home with you.
Let me meet Riley.
This is good, Rachel! Look at you! I think that Riley's gonna love you.
She made that almost seem believable.
And cut! See? Come on.
It's real between them.
Well, real or not, whatever gets her all Rocky Mountain High is fine by me.
W Uh, who's Riley? Is she the kid? Mm-hmm.
She's Owen's daughter.
She's so cute.
She loves dogs.
She hates clowns.
I mean, your adorable, typical 6-year-old.
Okay! All right, people! Let's go! I need everybody to make sure they take their altitude-sickness pills.
I don't another Peru debacle.
Good trip, everyone! MAN: Final call.
Buses and trucks are leaving for the airport in five minutes.
Jay! No hard feelings, bud.
I know you had your heart set on merry old England.
I thought for sure you were gonna send in Jasper - during Serena's apology.
- Please.
I don't care.
It gives me time to work on "Passport to Dance.
" But you have fun freezing your ass off.
[SMOOCHES.]
Bye! JEREMY: Doc.
Hey.
How's Rachel? Yeah, Serena's in the other van.
That whole thing that happened with her dad Yeah.
Listen, Jeremy.
Um, I understand your concern, but I think it's best for you if you kept a little distance from Rachel.
Oh, because you're the only one that can save her now? Have a good trip.
Hey, babe.
Do you think this jacket's warm enough for Colorado? Or should I bring my down? All right, I'll see you guys there.
I'll see you guys.
Um You know, actually neither.
They want you to stay here and shoot "A" cam at the mansion.
Your name's gonna be on the call sheet.
It's a legit promotion, if you're up for it.
This is huge! Of course I'm up for it! Thank you.
You guys ready? Let's get this party started! [WHISTLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Nice! A real step up from the assistants pool, King.
Yeah, I knew I had made it when I got my own bar cart.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, man.
Your deadbeat dad must be up your ass looking for handouts.
How is Randy? Actually, he's dead.
[LAUGHS.]
Ohh! Damn.
I'm sorry.
I didn't Wait.
You talk to your mom at the funeral? - How'd that go? - Well, it was great.
'Cause she didn't show, as usual.
[LAUGHS.]
- Uh, listen.
- Hmm? I have a proposition for you.
I'm so flattered, honey.
But you're not my type.
[LAUGHS.]
It is a business proposition.
- Look, Gary promised me four shows - Mm-hmm.
and now I got to deliver.
So, what do you say you and I partner up and we burn down this boys club together? Quinn, uh You said that you wanted to get back into scripted, and I am up for that, too.
- I can't.
- Why not? I only want to get back into scripted if I can make high-end, premium content.
And that's not your brand.
I am trying to make that my brand.
[CHUCKLING.]
Quinn.
"Everlasting" is a schlocky dating show.
"Will she find love?" Who cares? The kinds of stories I'm talking about strike a cultural chord.
They mean more, go deeper.
Excuse me, but I am finding a mommy for Little Orphan What's-Her-Face.
That is deep.
Quinn, you can't seriously believe what Rachel is selling? I mean, she's kind of a nutjob.
America's gonna eat it up.
I can serve high-end without putting people to sleep with this PBS euthanasia crap.
You really think this show is that good? No.
I am.
Hey, Rach, uh I just want to see, how's your dad doing? - Um, he's great, actually, he is.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Um, look, I just wanted to thank you for, um your help.
I always liked your dad, you know? I don't know if he liked me, but Are you kidding me? Thank you.
He actually told me to marry you.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
I mean, he was also on drugs at the time, so Yeah, yeah.
All right, guys, we've got "B" camera waiting inside.
Serena, please, let's bring you over.
Owen.
Thank you.
All right, here we go.
We are rolling in 3, 2 [SIREN WAILING, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Hey, guys.
Nice to meet you.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you.
Daddy! Riley! Come here! Hi, baby girl! How are you? Good? Yeah? I want you to meet somebody.
Hi! - You're my new mommy! - Oh! What? Uh, no, I'm not.
I I mean, I-I might be [CHUCKLES.]
someday.
Um, can you shake hands? Yeah.
Got to shake a little tougher than that.
There you go.
That's a good, strong handshake.
RILEY: Uh Daddy? Riley, why don't we go get you some ginger ale, huh? - Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
What the hell are you doing? What does it look like? Think this is gonna impress Serena? Digging a hole? It's not a hole, mate.
It's an infiltration pit.
The mansion's got a huge runoff problem, and this pit will allow the rainwater to percolate down through the soil.
- So you're digging a hole, then? - That's very funny.
It's actually an environmental disaster.
And none of this is to, uh, impress Serena? I'm pretty sure my time for impressing Serena is long gone, all right? So, while I'm still here, I need to get back to the real reason I came on this show.
And what's that? Tell the world the environment needs saving.
And something as little as a hole, anyone can make a difference.
- Maybe even you.
- For the love of God.
My investments have made more in interest for clean water than your sodding Eco-business could make in a lifetime.
Lady, you okay? I don't know.
I just, like, froze, or something.
She's a kid.
She doesn't even know what she's saying.
No, Rachel, she seemed pretty clear.
- She's 6 years old.
- I know.
I know that.
But I don't have a lot of experience with kids.
My nephews live back east, so I never see them.
O-Obviously, I knew that Owen had a daughter, I just, you know, I'm just not really sure that I'm ready to be insta-mom.
All Riley wants is somebody to love her.
I mean, she's never even had a real mom.
And you would be an incredible one.
Yeah? Must be nice being a corporate shill who's never gotten dirt under his fingernails or or broken a sweat, like a real man.
Hmm.
That's funny.
- Thank you.
- You're a funny man.
Um you know what? I I think I, uh I think I feel like digging a hole, too.
You sure you don't want to just sit and watch? Get a cup of tea? Just take it easy, Princess, all righty? Right.
Watch me.
Hey, what the hell is this? Are you just giving up now? Yo.
I was meditating.
You just blocked my chi.
Look, you are my last guy.
If you get cut, then I go home, too.
I ain't goin' nowhere.
We need a plan.
So, what're you - Look, you got to stop - stressing, all right? I got my own plan.
I'm playing the slow game.
Serena and I, we got a connection.
- I'm like her confidant.
- Okay, she doesn't want a friend.
She's looking for a husband.
Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just Should I be filming that? [BOTH GRUNTING.]
Yes, you should definitely be filming that.
Ooh Ahhh Ahh Hey.
Owen.
Owen, hey, I'm I'm so sorry the "mommy" thing upset me.
I was afraid that this was all gonna be too much, too soon.
It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Riley.
You got to understand, she's everything to me.
So if things aren't good with her, then nothing else matters.
I think we just need some daddy/daughter time alone.
Sure.
Yeah, no.
Take all the time you need.
Hey.
Rachel, I'm worried about this.
I mean, I feel like we didn't really think this through.
I thought this through.
I thought that this was a really good idea, which is why you are here.
Maybe Owen and I could, like, sneak away later, - I mean, just the two of us.
- No! Owen and Riley are, like, this package deal.
You can't just ship her off.
Well, look, Serena, if you're not seeing her as a plus, maybe this isn't the right fit for you.
- I don't know.
- I don't know.
This is all happening a little fast.
I think I just I just need a minute to think, okay? Yeah.
Okay.
QUINN: Hey.
Rachel? Aren't you supposed to be in the middle of a date? Is there a problem? Uh, yeah, actually, there is.
Look, I screwed up, okay? Serena's just, like, not into it.
The little girl ran into her arms and called her "mommy," and it just completely freaked Serena out.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, we could definitely make something out of that.
Okay, yeah, well, maybe you can, but I'm just not going to.
Ah! This is what I was afraid of.
Rachel, "Heartland Hometown Hero" needs to win for ratings period! [CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Hey, Jay! Hey, what? What's up? Uh Rachel's brain has officially turned to mush.
I need you to prep Alexi, because if Owen goes south, then I need your guy to jump in and spice things up.
- Copy that.
- Great.
Somebody go book me a flight to Colorado! [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
What's up? What're you doing here? You, uh, scared me a little on the phone, Rachel.
Where is Serena? Why is she not in full mommy-mode? I told you, that's not gonna happen.
And why is that? Look, I think it's not too late to pull the plug.
You know, we could still head to England.
Jay was right.
Um, Owen is your guy.
And you're just gonna tank him like that? Right.
No, I know.
He's my guy, and I care about him and Serena, which is why I just Look, I really don't want to force this.
What happened to "making a family"? Serena isn't into it, and, what, Riley's gonna grow up thinking that this was her fault? I'm not doing that to a 6-year-old.
Oh, my God.
This is not your family, Rachel.
Riley is not you, and Serena is not Olive.
I'm not gonna let her screw up this kid.
We can't make Serena feel something she doesn't want to feel, okay, Quinn? That is our entire job description, okay? If she is not feeling it, we make her feel it.
So, go do your job.
Hey, don't get too attached to this scenery.
If I have anything to say about this, we're headed home - after this last setup.
- Why? What's going on? Quinn wants to make big drama here, but it's not good for the kid.
So be thinking a "tearful goodbye" as the shot composition.
Just a heads-up.
- Hey, uh, Serena? - Hey.
Can I, uh, talk to you before we head to Owen's? Listen, I-I've been thinking about it - Yeah.
- and you're totally right.
I have to make Riley the priority.
Seriously? You know, she loves pancakes, so it's, like, the only thing I actually know how to make.
I'll make her blueberry pancakes and braid her hair.
And she's got to love that, right? - Come on.
- What? - Is this even what you want? - I am trying to want it.
I mean, it's what you said it's a package deal.
This whole thing is supposed to be about finding the right guy, not proving that you can get an "A" at everything.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, so all that stuff you said about Owen being the perfect guy for me, I'm just supposed to forget all of that? No.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that this is not about Owen.
This is about Riley.
Look, I know what it's like to be the daughter of a driven woman who always put herself first.
Okay, that's not who I am.
I I mean, it's not - who I want to be.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I I'm just saying that if you do this before you're really ready, you and Riley could both come to regret it.
Okay, let me think about it.
You know, when we get back to the mansion No, if you're gonna do it, if you're gonna cut him, you need to do it right now.
Let's let him stay here and be with his kid.
He can't leave her again.
We're gonna make him look like this incredible father.
There's gonna be women, like, lining up for miles to go out with him.
I mean, you're doing the guy a favor.
I'll go get Owen ready.
This is the right thing to be doing.
Fine.
I'll call him myself.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Uh, hey, Rachel.
Um, uh, where's Hurt Locker and Honey Boo Boo? Uh, well, I think Serena's about to cut Owen, and then we're gonna pack it up.
So you just did the opposite of what I asked? Mmmmm yes.
Great.
This'll be a hometown date to remember.
Come on.
It's gonna be some big, huge, tearful goodbye.
There's not gonna be a dry eye in the house.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Then what else will be on TV that night? Because that's what I will be watching.
No, Rachel, we're gonna blow this thing up.
Talk to me.
How much longer? Our contestants have returned to a primal state in pursuit of winning the lovely Serena's affection.
Excuse me.
Ohh! It seems that August has penetrated the deepest within the earth.
That's not why I did this.
August is the winner! It's not a competition, Graham.
It's an infiltration pit.
Wait, wait.
What does he get for the win? Uh a one-on-one date with Serena.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Ain't nobody tell me that.
Hold on.
Give me that shovel.
This is a joke.
All right, I'm out of here.
This is stupid.
I'm done.
I'm out, too.
Follow my lead.
Female gaze.
You got me? Absolutely.
Let's sex this thing up.
August, you can't go back to the mansion like that.
You're filthy.
What are you doing?! Give it here! I'll do it myself.
What's wrong with you? Hey, Jasper, get back here! I am not your show monkey, little girl.
Good luck with this, Tarzan.
What the hell are you doing? Are you a child? You need to clean yourself off there, big boy.
- Okay.
- You all right? - What are you - Oh, there we go! That's nice and clean for you, buddy.
Is this soft-core enough for you? Well, we had girls in bikinis on the North Pole.
- I'd say this is revenge.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm really glad Jeremy didn't take you to Colorado.
- I was a little surprised, though.
- Why? Hometown dates are like crew prom.
There's hotel rooms and mini bars and doors that lock.
Everybody hooks up.
ZACH: Hey! Hey, I need to talk to you.
Yeah.
We'll go back to my house.
I know they're getting dinner ready, and you don't want to You okay? Like, not great.
Cutting him is best for the kid.
You're looking out for her, Rach.
It's It's really nice.
You're doing the right thing.
OWEN: I'm sorry that things have been - a little rough with Riley and - No, no, no.
No, no.
She's She's amazing, and you are such a good dad.
I mean, I-I can really see how much you love her.
[RILEY SCREAMS.]
No, no! Get away from me! - [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, you want a balloon? - Hey! Get away from her! - They hired me.
- Daddy! The clown is scary! - She's terrified of clowns, man.
- They hired me to give out balloons.
- I don't care! Just get out of here! - Right now, okay? - Quinn, what are you doing? [INDISTINCT ARGUING.]
[CRIES.]
Aw, are you okay, sweetie? QUINN: Oh, nice pee close-up, Camera B.
Jeremy, get in there! It's okay.
You don't have to be embarrassed.
- Put the camera down, man! - RACHEL: Quinn! Put that camera down, and you'll never pick one up - on this show again.
- Rachel! What are you doing?! I didn't have anything to do with this.
[SCOFFS.]
- He's still there! - Get him away! - OWEN: Riley! - [CRYING.]
- Oh, my God! Riley! - [TRUCK HORN BLARES.]
Riley! [TIRES SCREECH.]
Riley! [PANTING.]
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- You're fine.
Everything's fine.
- We got you.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Come here.
All right, we're gonna cross the street, okay? Good.
Everything's all right.
I got you.
Quinn, how could you do that? I mean, seriously? After everything that's happened on this show? The kid is fine.
You used her one pathological fear.
It was a clown! All right? I didn't know she was gonna go running into the street, - like some scared Chihuahua.
- Quinn, she could have died.
But she didn't, okay? Besides, I don't understand.
Whatever happened to, like, facing our fears, okay? I'm so sick and tired of all this overprotective parent crap! I grew up without a mother, your mother is a certified psycho, and we are fine.
Most days.
All right? And look at them.
They are a beautiful family.
I got all of her mama juices flowing.
I did that.
I did what you couldn't do.
- Hey.
Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah, of course.
- Hi.
Sorry.
- Are you okay? Yeah, yeah.
If you want, why don't we, like, push the goodbye by like an hour, or No.
No, no.
I-I want to stay.
I can't just cut him after all that.
I-I know it's crazy, but the way that I felt when I saw Riley run into the street, I just Yeah, it was, like, an amazing moment, for sure.
But it was just one intense moment.
And being a mother, it's you know, it's 24/7.
I mean, nothing has changed here, Serena.
No, but it has.
That's what I'm trying to say.
And maybe I can do the mom thing.
I mean, the way that I felt about Riley in that moment, I-I'm not gonna just leave that here in Colorado.
Oh, yeah, okay.
- Okay? - I mean, yeah, of course.
- It's your choice, so - Okay.
[UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC LAYS.]
[SNIFFS.]
[GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
Give it to me.
Yeah.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
This is fantastic! [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Brazil street dance is the best! It's a mixture of samba, drums and sex.
You are unbelievable.
Come here.
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[GIGGLING.]
- Help me! - No! She can't help you! No! I can't help you! I can't help you! See? That is called a story arc, Rachel.
She wasn't into it at first, but now she is.
Well, I'm glad you're happy.
I hope it was worth it.
What Worth what? Doing my job? Or doing your job, actually? You scarred that little girl for life.
She's gonna be getting teased about pissing her pants in college.
I mean, do you want to just, like, set up her therapy fund right now? Just get over it.
Did Fiona put you up to this? She doesn't even work in reality TV.
She has no idea what we do.
No one puts me up to anything.
Right.
Right.
They are kissing.
That is your guy.
You should be thanking me.
Thanks, Quinn.
Hey, Quinn.
I have some really great news.
While everyone was away, I got August, Jasper, and Zach to compete in a dig-off for Serena, and August won.
What the hell is a dig-off? That sounds ridiculous.
I mean, it's a little caveman macho, but I got some really great footage of the guys.
- Look.
- Okay.
Hi.
Uh, yeah, this is Rachel Goldberg.
I'm calling for my father.
Okay, well, can you just tell him that I called and I'll try again later? Thank you.
CHET: Hey! Where are you going? You got to get to the network with that footage.
T-They're gonna cream in their jeans when they see that.
You just bought us season 16! So, you're really okay with all of this? Yes, absolutely.
What are you talking about? Do you know what Quinn did to get that footage? She made a little girl piss herself.
Well, listen, these things happen with children.
Quinn made it happen.
She deliberately terrified a 6-year-old who almost died.
I mean, how would you feel if that was your kid? Rachel, what are you talking about? [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Mud wrestling we haven't done that before.
Yeah.
We can use this, Madison.
Good job.
I kinda promised that whoever won would get a one-on-one date with Serena.
Mm.
Well, you kinda shouldn't make promises you can't keep.
No one-on-one dates without my say-so.
Okay, but, you know that August isn't even my guy, right? Look, I'm totally a team player.
I will help anyone on the team.
Fine.
Okay? August can have a few minutes to grovel, - but that is it, all right? - Okay, thank you.
Now go wave your pom-poms somewhere else.
Just find out who put up these peacocks! I hate them! CHET: Hey! Quinn! Quinnie! Is it true what I heard? Did you scare that kid on purpose? Is the kid okay? Yes.
Is the footage great? Yes.
What was it, Fiona's idea? Oh, grow up, Chet.
Hey, I'm all grown up, Quinn.
But you? You know, I did what I had to do for the show.
And everything was fine.
You don't get it, do you? You crossed a line.
Oh! Suddenly there's a line? Yes.
And if you were a mother, you'd understand.
If you had children of your own, you never would've done something like that.
You're right.
I am not a mother.
So how could I possibly know if you're a good father? Guess you'll have to find someone else to speak at your visitation hearing.
No.
Don't do that.
Hey, Quinn.
Quinn! [DOOR SLAMS, LOCK CLICKS.]
Please don't do this.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hey, Serena.
- Yeah? - Hi.
Uh, you're needed on set.
For what? I think you're probably gonna want to come and see this for yourself.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
What's going on? You You brought me out here to look at a hole? No.
It's a water infiltration pit.
Or, at least, it will be.
See, this will make the mansion more sustainable.
Oh.
And it was Madison's idea to bring you here.
Not mine.
'Cause you're just not interested.
Of course I'm interested, Serena.
But whatever happens between us, that's that's up to you now.
I just want to use my time left on the show for something good.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Yo! I dug a hole, too! [CHUCKLING.]
Okay, let me see your hole.
Size doesn't matter, right? Look, I gave this hole everything I got, 'cause I want to show you how serious I am about you.
Not as a friend but as a lover.
As a man.
Do you even know what an infiltration pit is? Does it matter? Look, I got 3.
8 million followers.
I could tweet this out, we'll have holes everywhere.
Whack-a-mole nation.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Actually, I, uh I promised Quinn that we'd get back to the mansion.
We got to prep for the elimination ceremony.
- Cool.
- Well, thank you Yeah, of course.
You like it, though, right? for your holes.
Really, really great holes, guys.
You love me for my holes, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Hey, Owen.
Can I talk to you for a second? You want to apologize? Look.
I had no idea about that whole clown thing.
[SCOFFS.]
You expect me to buy that? That's her one fear, Rachel.
That clown didn't just show up on its own.
I know.
And I would do anything to protect Riley.
Which is why I wanted to talk to you.
Look, what Serena did, that was amazing.
I mean, the woman's incredible.
But I really don't think that she's ready to be a mom.
You think I couldn't see that? You know, when I got back from Iraq, I had a baby dropped in my lap.
I didn't feel it, either.
I panicked.
Thought about dropping her off with my sister and asking her to raise her.
But I grew into it.
And so will Serena.
And what if she doesn't? Look, I'm just saying, I had a complicated relationship with my own mother, and Serena dove in front of a truck to save my daughter, Rachel.
- That's the kind of person that she is.
- I know.
And besides, she has so many other amazing qualities.
She has an incredible career, she travels all over the world, she goes after what she wants.
Do you have any idea what having a role model like that - would do for Riley? - A role model, yes, but Families are all different, Rachel.
I believe that Serena will get there.
And until then, I can be mom enough for both of us.
Look, I know that doesn't sound manly or whatever, but No, it, um sounds really beautiful.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hi.
So, how was your time on the frontier? It was actually kind of incredible.
I can really see what a life there would look like.
Mm.
A life in the-middle-of-nowhere Colorado only seems like a good idea now because you've been stuck in this hellhole of a mansion.
Don't kid yourself.
It'd never be enough.
It's just It's not who you are.
You know, maybe it's worth giving up a lifestyle to find a real connection.
Mm.
And who says you have to choose? Why don't you have both? You think that's what we have? A real connection? You tell me.
- Where is Alexi? Do you know? - My darling sunflower! - Finally you came back to me.
- [GIGGLES.]
This place is so depressing without you.
- I'm sorry if I'm late.
- Wish murder was legal.
- Copy that.
- Some things are worth waiting for.
Stop kissing her ass! All right, people, let's go! Let's go! Action already! Oh, nice of you to show up.
Yeah, sorry.
I just Gentlemen, we only have four golden key rings, which means one of you will leave tonight without having unlocked Serena's heart.
This was a very tough decision.
And it honestly pains me to know that one of you will be going home today.
Owen, I had an incredible time with you and Riley in Frontier Creek.
And I will always treasure it.
See? I made a perfect family, Rachel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks for coming.
- Jasper.
- Boom! You've given me a lot to think about, and I hope we can continue our conversation moving forward.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a horse race.
Alexi.
You know how much I love your creativity and passion.
I hope I get to see more of it.
QUINN: "Creativity.
" That's a good word for it.
GRAHAM: Serena, this is the last key ring of the night.
Dun-dun-dun! Two men left.
One, a close friend, and the other, a challenging lover.
Ugh! Graham! Gross! Thank you, Graham.
Zach.
Oh.
Don't do it.
I have had such a good time with you.
But I didn't come on this show just to have fun.
I came here to look for a husband.
I just don't see that being in the cards for us.
So, it's it's this guy? Come on.
The fireman's cool.
But the rest of 'em? You got an Australian douche, [CHUCKLES.]
you got a Russian douche, you got a British douche.
You got the United Nations of douche-Dom here.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, come on.
He's not wrong.
I'm telling you, fun is underrated.
In 10 years, you're gonna come crawling back.
I might just take you.
Where has that been all season? Oh, now I wish we could keep him.
I wasn't leaving without doing that.
All right, douches.
Hey, it's, uh Charlie, right? That depends.
You are consistently getting footage that my male D.
P.
s can't.
I mean, they have zero problem shooting tits and ass, but when it comes to lighting a dick shadow, they don't know squat.
So good work.
Wow.
Last time that Quinn gave me a compliment was Oh, yeah, that's right never, 'cause I've never gotten one.
Ever.
Did you and Rachel have fun at prom? Whoa.
What are you talking about? I breathe, I feel Listen.
I see how you look at her.
I don't care if you still have drama going on with her.
I'm just not gonna be a part of it.
P.
S.
, it didn't suck being stuck in a house full of hot guys.
Yeah.
Thanks for letting me know.
I will.
Look, I know what you're gonna say.
You're gonna say that I'm being blamey, but Quinn manipulated this entire thing.
- And the worst part is it's worked! - Rachel.
Rachel So what the hell do I know about creating a family? Rachel! I got to tell you something.
Resembles life from time to time Asa checked out of the facility.
What? He called your mom.
She came and got him.
I'm so sorry.
S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep [SNIFFLES.]
Notorious peace Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be [VOICE BREAKING.]
What are you doing? S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace Q-Q-Quivering glee P-P-P-P-Patiently be [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES.]
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS.]
Quinn? Hey, um can we talk for a second? Oh, you want to talk to me? I thought I was the monster who ate babies for breakfast.
I stood aside, watched it come to life Oh, hey! With hills and lakes in its embrace Oh, hey![CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, hey! Let's go, sister.
You ready to blow this joint? Humbled God - Unknown things by the horizon - Hell yes.
Well, get that tight ass of yours in here.
[LAUGHS.]
Hi, Rachel.
Bye, Rachel.
[LAUGHS.]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
S-S-Shivering breeze [LIGHTER CLICKS.]
G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace [WHINES.]
Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be [SIGHS.]
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
S-S-Shivering breeze G-G-Glimmering dreams, f-f-flickering sleep Notorious peace What do you want? Hey, buddy.
I saw the episode last week, and I loved it.
All that gay stuff worked like gangbusters.
I'm getting calls from other groups.
You are definitely on their radar.
- Really? - Yeah.
This is how awards campaigns are born, my friend.
The story was really Quinn's idea.
Just wanted to go for some deeper material.
It's not about the content.
It's about the campaign.
Now, lucky for you, I have deep pockets and enough pull to get you the top-notch P.
R.
push you need to get the gold.
What's the catch? You need my help, and I need yours.
You want the Emmy.
What do you want? Quinn's head on a platter.
I need proof of every shady thing she has ever done.
You get me the dirt, I get you the hardware.