Victorious s03e07 Episode Script

So, the lowest level of the globe theater was reserved for "the groundlings" who were the lower class people who came out to enjoy You guys! I'm sorry I'm late, but my mom slammed my hand in the car door!!! Ahhhhh!!! April fools!!! Yeah! - What are you, five years old? - Really.
But today's April fools day.
We really don't care.
April fools day is kinda for, y'know, little kids.
That's how we all feel.
But this school is so full of creative people, I thought for sure April fools day would be a big deal here.
Well, it's not! Okay, "tori"? So just shut your face and let mister belding teach! Thank you, Zack.
Now, as screech was saying, a world without pants is like a donut Yes! Yes.
Yes.
Oh c'mon.
No one here is into April fools? Oh! Okay! Tori, I'm sorry Mr.
belding took your purse.
And no, we don't celebrate April fools day here.
Now, who else has a question? Andre.
I have a front loading washing machine and lately, I've noticed that my washer isn't draining properly, and it leaves my clothes both wet and damp.
Uh, what should I do? Robbie, what's the answer? First, rotate the drum by hand and check for any scraping of the outer tub.
Then move the open end of the whirly-doink up and down while moving the pump rod in a circular motion, while making sure that there's less than one quarter-inch of movement So, at Hollywood arts, everybody justgnores the fact Yeah, we ignore it.
Wait did you just say you wanted a face full of trumpet? What do you mean face full of Wait, was that the bell? Ooo, there's the bell.
- Hey girlie.
- What? Here I am once again feeling lost but now and then I breathe it in to let it go and you don't know where you are now or what it would come to if only somebody could hear when you figure out how you're lost in the moment you disappear you don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action you're never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction not a fantasy just remember me when it turns out right 'cause you know that if you live in your imagination tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination in my victory just remember me when I make it shine Oh, sinjin Sinjin Hello, Tori.
How can I help you today? Well, I was just in Sikowitz's class, and everybody told me that no one at Hollywood arts does anything fun for April fools day, - and I just think that we - Shhhhhh.
Now now, Tori If you're gonna be my lady, you need to do a lot less talkin'.
- I'm not gonna be your lady.
- Heh heh heh.
We'll see about that.
Tori! Tori! Did ya hear? Did ya hear the news?! - What, what happened?! - It's war! It's war, Tori! It's war! Is it Switzerland?! Will you forget about the war?! We're gonna have a pop quiz! - But you just said - It's true I tell ya! I just heard it from two boys in the bathroom! At the urinal.
We're gonna have a pop quiz! A pop quiz is goin' down, Tori! Oh my God! I hate pop quizzes! How can you think about a pop quiz when we're at war?! It's war, Tori! It's war!! I gotta go recycle some aluminum! Oh, say can you see ohhhh!!! I'm hit! Arrow! I got hit in the leg by a swiss arrow! Dang this cursed war! I gotta get to class.
Helicopter! Oh tofu, are you all right? Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she? It's awful hot in here.
I better open a window.
Oh no! Tofu! Oh! Oh!! Oh! Concussion! Oh my goodness, tofu! Well, I have a feeling we're not in the Hollywood arts bathroom anymore.
Oh no wait, we are, it's just in color.
- Well, hello.
- Hello, if you please.
Are you a good witch, or a sandwich? Who, me? Well, I'm neither a witch, nor a snack.
You're talkin' some crazy chiz.
Well, you do have the Ruby cell phone.
Oh my goodness! Well, this phone is beautiful! Were all my contacts transferred? Who took my Ruby cell phone? Was it you? Oh, I didn't mean to.
Here, you can have it back.
- Good, give it.
Dee-ahh-deeahh-dee-ahh-dee-ahh! Curses! I'll never be able to get that Ruby cell phone as long as it's April fools day! Y'know, speaking of that, are we really not gonna do anything for April fools day? Silence!!! I'll get you, my pretty.
And your little fish, too! Oh be gone.
You have no powers in this restroom.
The witch sneers at Dorothy, then exits.
Oh my She spoke her stage directions.
What am I s'posed to do now? Well, you are in a restroom.
You could wazz.
Tofu too? Tofu too.
Oh tofu.
I'm scared and frightened and afraid.
Oh my goodness, those are all synonyms.
- Don't be scared, Cat.
- Robbie! Who are you?! - Robbie.
- Oh hiiii Robbie! - We're here to help you.
- Oh my! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! - Put what up? - Your socks they fell down - put 'em up! - Yes sir! Now, how can we help you, Cat? I just wanna get back to class.
Well that's easy.
First, ya just punch Robbie right in the face.
Wait, was that in the movie? 'Cause I don't remember getting p - Hey Leon Leon - Hey, what's up? You're late for the next scene.
- I'm late? - Yes.
Victoria's already started acting.
Oh man! Later y'all.
Sorry I'm late.
I was in the girls' bathroom doin' a wizard of oz bit.
Oh it's okay.
Hey, where's our food? Oh, here it comes.
- Thank you.
- Excellent.
- Man, I am so hungry.
- Me too.
Hey, can we get a couple of feeding children over here? Two feeding children at table sixteen.
Tori! Tori! I'm running in with big news! Tori! It's him! What's the big news?! The Beverly hills volcano is about to erupt!!! What?! - In three-and-a-half minutes, this whole school is gonna be covered with hot lava! - We only have three-and-a-half minutes? The same amount of time as a commercial break.
- Well what do we do?! - I say we kiss! - Okay, c'mere.
- Not you! You.
Kiss me, Tori.
I want my last three-and-a-half minutes to be spent with my face smushed against your face! Are there any other ideas? Tori, please! All right.
Stay tuned for the second half of Victorious.
Or don't.
I get paid either way.
And now, we continue with the exciting second half of Victorious.
Press play.
Tori! Andre! Have you heard?! - Have ya heard the news?! - Later!!! What news?! I already told you! The Beverly hills volcano is about to erupt, now kiss me! - No.
No, the new news! - What new news?! The Beverly hills volcano has retired and moved to Florida.
So it's probably not gonna spew hot lava all over Hollywood arts.
- Yay.
- Yay.
Wait! I just heard we're about to be attacked by killer butterflies! - No.
- Wait! Sinjin has two big jugs of anti-butterfly spray! - Yay.
- But I drank them.
Wait! I'm not gonna eat this apple, so you guys can all share it! Wait! I just got a text that says: "Apples make your hair fall out!" No.
What's done is done.
Well, hey there Tori.
Hey.
Oh, why the sad boo boo face? I guess I was just really looking forward to April fools day, and I'm disappointed that everyone ignores it.
Well, then I guess somebody's gonna have to get tickled.
No, don't.
I'm not in the mood.
- Uh-oh.
It's the tickle bunny twins! A'tikka tikka tikka tikka tikka! A'tikka tikka tikka tikka tikka tikka tikka! I just feel like April fools day should be different.
Well, too bad, Tori.
It's just a regular day here at Hollywood arts.
Jade! Jade! You're late Go to the janitor's closet.
Ooo, right! Wait, what's happening in the janitor's closet? Just make sure you're there in the next sixty seconds.
Being attacked! Ahhhh! Great crustaceans! Get it off me! Get it off me! Oh God.
Get it off! Hurry! - Hey, Spencer.
- 'Sup Tori? Get ready to match the stars! All right! We're here with our next contestant, Tori Vega.
Where ya from, Tori? Uh, I live in the Hollywood hills.
Wonderful.
And are ya ready to go for the big money match? Well, okay.
Good.
Now, you know how our game is played.
Uh, yes.
You read a sentence, with a missing word, and then I have to fill in the blank.
Right.
And if you match at least one of our panelists' answers, you win five thousand dollars.
Wait.
What happens if I don't match a panelist? - You'll see.
- Huh? And your question is: - "Dumb Debbie was so dumb" - How dumb was she? "She was so dumb, "she didn't realize that April first was April fools blank.
" - Okay.
I've got a good word.
- Bring it.
Okay, Tori.
"Dumb Debbie was so dumb, "she didn't realize that April first was April fools" - Day.
- "Day" Hmmm "Day".
Well, let's see if you match anybody.
Andre? Roses are red, storm clouds are gray, Debbie's so dumb, she didn't realize it was April fools Lobster.
What's the lobster Ahhh! Wait All right, now get up.
Jade, what's your answer? I figured she was so dumb, she thought April first was April fools Berry.
That's a thing, right? April fools Berry, that's a thing.
Oh, you're a thing.
A foul beast of a thing! No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It's not my fault that she said Berry wait.
But she said Berry.
- All right, upsee-daisy.
- Robbie? - Yesss? Yesss, what is it Sikowitz? Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that a April first was April fools "Foot".
Oh shut up you people, I was on Broadway.
Cat, it's your turn.
Wait, the lobster forgot to push Tori down.
Oh yes.
Cat, why would you remind Will you get up? Cat Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April first was April fools blank.
I said "Blank".
- Cat.
I said blank.
- I love president Ford! We're not gonna bring out the lobster for that one.
Beck! Well, I'm sorry darlin', I'm starving, so I said "onion rings".
I know.
Okay, one last chance.
Your sister Trina.
Come on, Trina! Well I said "Cut to the next scene".
Awww, your stupid card brought us to this scene! You cost me five thousand dollars! - You can't have an oompa - Happy Birthday! - It's not my birthday.
- Touchdown! - There's no football game.
- Where's the beef?! Okay, kids won't get that reference! And it's April fools day! You'll get it.
- Hello, Tori.
- Hey, mister drysdale.
Oh guys, this is my neighbor, mister drysdale.
These are my friends.
So, what can I help ya with? Well my wife says that I talk too much, and that I never dance.
What should I do? It's nine on the dot and we just talk and we talk and I just want it to stop 'cuz aren't we here for the music and if you dare just get up out of your chair 'cuz this ain't goin' nowhere we gotta move or you'll lose it all I wanna know is when we're letting go so we can get this record to break why we wastin' time we never can rewind all I'm really tryin' to say is shut up and dance show me whatcha got shut up and dance are you in or not? you're movin' your mouth baby, don't speak shut up and dance if you're into me 'cuz I can't wait no more to get on the floor don't stop now it's our chance to shut up and dance 'till we drop 'cuz I'm sick of this space in-between you and me light it up 'til we're makin' a scene quit the talk, let it rock if you know what I mean well, shut up and dance show me whatcha got well, shut up and dance are you in or not? you're movin' your mouth baby, don't speak shut up and dance if you're into me 'cuz I can't wait no more to get on the floor don't stop now it's our chance to shut up and dance dance, dance, yeah shut up and dance dance, dance, yeah put up your hands hands, hands, yeah shut up and dance dance, dance, yeah shut up and dance! okay, that's our show! Oh, it's been such a great week oh my God, what a talented cast! Yeah! Thanks to Dan Schneider! Wooo! And of course our cast and crew The dancing lobster Lorne And of course our musical guest, Lady Gaga! - Wooooooo! - Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
Aw.
Thank you guys so much! Go to theslap.
Com, and What else? Say goodnight.
- Say g'night.
- Goodnight, everybody! April fools! - April fools! - Wooo!