Wynonna Earp (2016) s03e07 Episode Script

1 - Previously on Wynonna Earp: - A kid is missing.
- I'm retiring.
- To Sheriff Nicole Haught! - [EXCLAMATIONS.]
- Charlie.
This you flirting? My baby daddy is married to a vampire.
I don't like you at all.
- Are you sure? - Stop pretending that this isn't what you came here for.
[MICHELLE.]
: He was kind, honest.
His name was Julian.
- My dad was an angel.
- You were born out of love.
- We can find Julian if you want.
- What's in it for me? [GROWLING.]
Okay, this is the last time we're doing this.
Since we both have such stressful jobs and everything, we could keep doing this to take the edge off.
No.
I'm all edge, Charlie.
If you can't handle that You may handle me however you please.
Good morning, guys.
I'm Deputy Nicole Haught and I am here - Shitty-shit-shit! - Whoa, whoa.
I thought that was going pretty good.
How's Purgatory's finest this morning? Here we go.
Thank you, sincerely, for all that you do.
I know it's not an easy job.
Nedley calls us hose jockeys.
Uh, Sheriff Nedley's sense of humour leaves a lot to be desired.
And rest assured, when I am Sheriff, you will be both respected and supported.
I will also pre-order a dozen of your calendars.
I'm April this year.
Happy Easter to me.
I had no idea Officer Haught was your sister's girlfriend.
That's so weird.
You're not one of those "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" people, are you? God, no.
Purgatory Pride's my favourite event of the year.
[CHUCKLING.]
Purgatory has a Pride? Yeah.
We painted the fire-engine rainbow.
Nicole warned me about you.
- That I'm super flexible? - No, that you're a hot mess.
Well, it's better than a cold tidy.
This was fun.
Thanks for the, uh - Pump? - That's gross.
- Backdraft? - Did we do that? Heat? - [SIREN BLARING.]
- Ah Nah.
Was that me? Nothing to see here.
Just an adult woman with adult-woman needs leaving a fire hall.
- Let me guess: you need a ride.
- I had a ride.
I need a nap.
And a ride.
So you and Doc, not a thing anymore? We were never a thing.
And I haven't seen him for a week.
[SIZZLING.]
Burns like a mother! [GRUNTING.]
Oh What have I done? Bulshar's ring is rejecting you, now that you're compromised.
Don't worry, my love.
Now we're linked together forever.
Just like you wanted.
[GRUNTING.]
Just like I wanted.
[THEME MUSIC.]
'Cause I gave you all I got to give I know that ain't no way to live I told that devil to take you back I told that devil to take you back All you sexy mothers OTPSI What's with the children's choir? It's a bunch of Omicron Tau Psis slumming it from the big city.
We confiscated their party bus this morning.
- Who party-buses at 10 a.
m.
? - The deeply committed.
Ah Drink up, friends.
Drink up, brothers.
Drink up, all you sexy mothers.
- Maybe later.
- Mm.
Sorry, I I dozed off.
- What's all this? - Since closing down the abattoir, thereby rescuing my tall-n'-jazzy, maybe-kinda boyfriend, I've been trying to figure out where Bulshar could've moved his operation.
Nice! Also, when was the last time you went home? Or ate? Oh, that depends.
What day is it? We're gonna need to get you a falafel.
- [GRUNTING.]
Push with your legs! - Shut up with your mouth.
Am I finally gonna see your sex cave? It's more of a closet.
Retired Nedley is kinky.
Everything in there I seized from crime scenes that didn't feel kosher.
Ones with supernatural element.
Why didn't you turn them over to Dolls? Well, initially, I wasn't sure I could trust him.
Now I know.
Whoa.
[LAUGHING.]
How long have you been hiding this stuff? Since I became Sheriff.
Oh we're gonna find dinosaur bones.
Ha-ha.
It's up to you two to decide what to keep, what to burn.
Huh.
It's like Hoarders meets Storage Wars.
And I, for one, am here for it.
How you making out with getting city council's stamp of approval? Well, Bunny Loblaw won't return my calls.
That stuck-up Tuesday's still around? Yep.
And reigning over city council with an iron fistula.
Bunny Loblaw's the real king-maker here in Purgatory.
And she won't return your calls because she's a bully.
Bullies smell fear, they just get more vicious.
- Yeah, dummy, everyone knows that.
- Ow! You get her on your own turf, you look her dead in the eye and you tell her that you're the only person for the job.
You're right.
I am going to call her and I'm gonna set up a meeting.
Bunny's gonna eat her for lunch.
- Nedley, are you looking at my ass? - No.
Mm.
This'll have to do.
[GUN COCKING.]
You shouldn't sneak around when there's a gun-toting mental patient on the loose.
- Well, I thought we were friends.
- [MICHELLE CHUCKLING.]
You bailed right in the middle of my Christmas feast.
You find my Brussels sprouts offensive? I do apologize, ma'am, but something came up.
Oh.
You're gonna make it up to me.
I fear this is about to get weird.
Don't worry.
I'll drive if you're tired.
I do not understand.
I need to get out of here.
Just for a little while.
- Cabin fever.
- You don't know the half of it.
Oh, I just might.
Okay let's go, before I roll you for the keys.
[CHUCKLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
What do you think about this? - Urn.
Nice.
- Okay.
But is it supernatural? Supernaturally oogly.
Can you check this out? I I found Nedley's old police memo.
"November 9, 1996.
Raccoon stuck in drop ceiling.
" [LAUGHING.]
"Call cleared, but now require rabies shot.
" Wynonna, can you, like, a little help here, please? Oh, my God, never Holy shit! Baby Nedley.
When you're done with story time, can you do some actual work? Nicole, you're a smart-ish girl.
Surely you've figured out by now that this whole "cleaning out the secret locker" job is bullshit.
Nedley made it up to make us practice working together.
- He Parent Trapped us.
- None of this stuff matters.
And it sure as hell isn't gonna help us with our Bulshar problem.
Alright, well, you might be fine to sit on your ass and do nothing, but I'm not.
Especially after what he did to Dolls.
You want my help? - Yes.
- Fine, Nicole.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
- [SIGHING.]
- Crap.
[CLATTER.]
Crap.
Definitely crap.
Not crap.
- More crap! - Wynonna, you're being reckless! - Super crap.
- Whoa! You know what, Deputy Dipshit, that's kinda my brand, and it's been working fine so far.
God, I am so sick of your attitude! Smooth move, Ginger Spice.
You just earned yourself seven years' bad luck.
- [THUNDEROUS EXPLOSION.]
- [ECHOING RUMBLE.]
[GRUNTING.]
Hey, Tayla, you seen Doc around lately? No.
I'll have a whiskey.
Leave the bottle.
Whatcha got there, Sheriff? Ginger ale.
And it's just Randy now.
Didn't peg you for a teetotaller, Just Randy.
Well, I'm still on duty.
Those drunken frat boys from the big city got me running my ass off.
One of the many, many jobs I won't miss when I retire.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Oh.
Look what I found for your retirement party slideshow.
[CHUCKLING.]
It's like your top lip is wearing a skinny tie.
How's it going in the evidence locker? Ugh.
Nicole smashed some stuff.
Big surprise.
Must hard to move around with a giant pickle up your ass.
- Give her some slack, Wynonna.
- You know me.
I love slack.
That chick is all work and no play.
Next thing you know, she's gonna be chopping people up with an axe like that dude in the hotel.
Dave at the Motor Inn? - Him, too.
- Well, go easy on Nicole.
You two have more in common than you think.
Well, it's worth a shot.
I guess.
Okay.
Hi! Bunny.
Uh, come on in.
- I did.
- Can I take your c-coat? Why? So you can rifle through the pockets? Oh! What on God's flat earth is that? Oh, that's just Calamity Jane.
Please don't worry.
She's super friendly.
I-I don't care what it is.
Either she goes or I go.
I am deathly allergic! Right.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on, girlie.
Calamity, you're getting fat.
[MEOWING.]
Okay, just make yourself cozy.
One sec.
I'll be right back.
Disgusting.
I am sorry, ma'am.
Willa would've been very sorry about Willa.
That was always her first thought.
Willa was Ward's pet.
God, she was spoiled and she had a mean streak.
She'd have been a terrible heir.
She was just a child.
Yeah, she was my baby.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you.
- Hey, where you going now? - Come on.
I'll tell you which way to turn.
Ms.
Gibson.
Michelle! It's freezing out here.
Oh, stop being a wiener.
Come on.
Besides, I know you got a bottle of tequila stashed under your seat, and that's gonna get us through.
So I have some great ideas on how to make the town safer and the department run more efficiently.
Well, that's all well and good, Deputy Haught, but my main concern is this.
Randy Nedley is full of shit.
- Excuse me? - I am so sick and tired of being kept in the dark about all the strange occurrences in Purgatory.
I won't be lied to about what's really going on in my town, under my nose.
- Which is what exactly? - Well, you tell me.
That's why I'm here.
Unless you don't want to be sheriff.
And don't give me that hooey about costume parties gone awry or zoo animals escaping.
Well, Bunny, um, Purgatory, it's a very unique town with unique challenges.
Sorry to interrupt.
Just need to talk to Deputy Tater Haught for a sec.
Wynonna, this is really not a good time.
Actually, it's perfect timing.
Because I'm thinking of backing Wynonna for Sheriff.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- You can't be serious.
I'm dead serious.
Wynonna, you are a straight-shooter.
- You're one tough bitch.
- Hey-o.
And the Earps are one of Purgatory's original families.
This one - This one? - Sorry, what about "this one"? What Purgatory needs is a homegrown hero, not some fly-by-night outsider, who, let's face it, is a little too different.
- Can I just real quick, for a sec? - One sec.
We'll just in the kitchen.
Wait until Bunny finds out about Purgatory Pride.
- What are you doing here?! - Right! - Uh, it's about Nedley and you - And me [LAUGHING.]
Did Buns Buns really just say I could be? Oh, no, you cannot take that job.
- I don't want that job.
- Yeah, 'cause you would be a disaster.
- No shit, Not Sheriff.
- You have no police training, you're terrible with authority, you're not even qualified to run a Chipotle! Guac-a-cuse me? You know what? Maybe I'd like to be Sheriff Nedley 2.
0.
Oh, I'm your boss after all.
Well, excuse me, but you can't even do one single assignment properly without breaking a gazillion rules and a creepy-ass mirror in the process! Oh, oh, oh, God, oh ISIS! What rules?! Purgatory is the goddamn Thunderdome and I'm Tina friggin' Turner! - What are you talking about?! - Point is, you can wrap yourself up in the rules like a snug little blanket to keep you warm at night, but I'm gonna go get shit done.
Balls! Bunny's dead.
[MEOWING.]
[GASPING.]
Calamity Jane! She's allergic! Yeah.
Bunny? Hey.
I know a dozen places we can hide the body.
Oh oh She's still alive.
Fine, I'll save them for next time.
Uh, her purse.
Wynonna, get her purse! - Yeah, cash.
- No! Medication, Wynonna! Ah, crap.
[MUMBLING.]
Oh! Is this Oxy?! Ow.
- Oh, the tea.
- Oh! Alright, Bunny, here we go, here we go.
Swallow.
C'mon, c'mon, you old bat! Oh.
Okay.
[BUNNY EXCLAIMING.]
- I don't need a doctor! - How about an exorcist, Bun Bun? Okay, let's put her in my cruiser.
We'll get her faster to the hospital with the lights and sirens on.
Don't take me to Purgatory General! They have too many immigrant doctors! - Okay, that's enough out of you.
- Ow! Jeez! - Go inside, get her purse.
- So you do wanna rob her? No, I want to get her meds.
The doctors need them to diagnose her.
Go, go, go! Get her to the hospital and get the meds after.
What the hell?! I will get them.
You want something done right! - No, I will do it.
- [SHOUTING.]
What is going on?! [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[SHOUTING.]
You have gotta be freakin' kidding me! - [BUNNY SHOUTING.]
- Look who needs my help now.
- What are you doing? - Get in.
Dude, I have her keys.
What about your truck? Battery's dead.
I blame your cat for that, too.
Okay, well, I should drive, because then we're not stealing Bunny's car, we're just commandeering it for official police - Bigger fish, Nicole.
- Okay.
Okay, great, I'll call Waverly.
- We're logging on now.
- [NICOLE.]
: Hurry.
We need to make sure Bunny's okay.
[SNORTING.]
Sorry, sorry, but it's it's kind of funny.
You guys have some terrible luck today.
Like "black fly in your Chardonnay" kind of terrible.
[WYNONNA.]
: Speed it up, Jagged Little Nerd.
Okay.
Pinging the cruiser's GPS, and good news! It's parked.
Bunny Nut Cheerios! You need to hurry.
Later.
Ugh! Of course those two frat brats drove your car to a biker bar! Yeah, well, maybe they're friendly bikers hosting a Golden Girls Trivia Night.
Well, Rose, we are not in St.
Olaf anymore.
Get me outta here, you white-trash tart!! You're feeling better.
Try your handle.
I am!! It doesn't open from the inside.
It's a safety feature.
Haven't you been arrested, like, 500 times?! - Not the time, Nicole! - Luckily, I always have a spare key.
Oh, good.
- [GASPING.]
- You are some kind of moron, Haught! Whoa! Bullet could ricochet and hit Bunny.
- I'm willing to take the risk.
- Or us.
Okay.
Why don't we just call the fire department? - They can pop the door off.
- No!! - What? - Do not do that.
They'll never let us sheriffs live it down.
Okay, you got a better idea? Yeah.
We go in and find Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Douche, we're in and out five minutes, tops.
If we get the keys, she'll never notice, we're good to go.
Let's go.
Don't leave me in here, you sonsofbitches!! You are gonna hear from my lawyer!! [BACKGROUND CHATTER.]
Peacemaker? We're outnumbered.
We don't want Bunny to think we went in guns blazing.
[WYNONNA SCOFFING.]
I couldn't wait to join the rodeo circuit and flee this shithole town.
Then I came back one long August weekend and I got drunk, pregnant.
Ended up marrying Ward Earp.
Well, he did give you three beautiful daughters.
No, he gave me two.
Waverly was Julian's, remember? What's it like, being with an angel? What's it like being with a demon? No, Julian made me feel like I didn't have to break my spirit to be happy.
- I do know what that is like.
- Hmm.
The night Waverly was born Ward pushed Julian outside of the Ghost River Triangle.
It happened right here.
He's been lost ever since.
How do you know that? Bobo told me.
Del Rey? You talked to him? I did more than talk to him.
I gave him the Christmas dinner that you didn't want.
And his freedom.
Are you out of your godforsaken mind, woman? I think we've established, yes, sometimes.
- You have unleashed a monster.
- Bulshar has risen, sweet cheeks.
These are end times.
It's gonna take monsters to fight a monster.
Bobo Del Rey has tried to kill your daughters multiple times.
Nobody's perfect.
You do not get to make those life-or-death decisions for them! Who's gonna stop me? You, Johnny Hank? Mm.
If necessary.
Well, good.
Seems like now we're finally talking.
- So here's my terms.
- [REVENANTS.]
: Yeah!!! What should we do with these interlopers? Release them to the woods and hunt them down like dogs? - [ALL.]
: Yeah!! - Or, or we could eviscerate them right here on the bar.
[REVENANTS AGREEING.]
Are you gonna stay late and clean up that mess? 'Cause I'm not.
Suggestions? - Anyone else? - [REVENANTS SHOUTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Yah-ha.
That might be a good idea.
- Shhh-shhh.
- [REVENANT LAUGHING.]
Well, well, well.
Looks like today is our lucky day.
Seems the would-be sheriff and the heir have decided to join us for a little drink.
[WYNONNA CHUCKLING.]
We were dumb to think we could pull a fast one on you.
But I can tell you're men of sport.
And, you know, where's the sport in ripping Dumb and Doucher to shreds? What are you proposin'? I'm proposing that you let them go, and you and me and, uh, Deputy Haught to Trot here have ourselves a little contest.
What are you good at? - Golden Girls Trivia.
- Drinking.
You really wanna challenge me to a drinking contest? Mm-hmm.
I do.
And if we win, then you let us go.
- What happens when I win? - Then you get to kill us.
You could've just offered them cash.
I didn't work it out all the way to the end before I pitched it.
You must be the stupidest heir yet.
Definitely in the top five.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay.
Let them Greeks go.
You owe us.
Take the cruiser and the old bag in the backseat and get to the hospital, okay? - Yes, ma'am.
- Now let's get pissed! - [REVENANTS.]
: Yeah! - [CHEERING.]
I'm worried.
Neither of them are answering.
Okay, wait, wait.
Let's just recap.
First, Bunny has a heart attack at Nicole's.
Yes.
Then the cruiser gets stolen with Bunny in it.
Then it just happens to end up at a Revenant roadhouse? Doesn't that sound spectacularly unlucky to you? Too unlucky to be a coincidence? Mirror, mirror, on the floor Maybe if we put it back together, their luck will change? Well, it can't get any worse.
- Okay.
- One two, three, drink.
[GROANING.]
Mm, is that all you got? Come on, fella, let's take this up a notch, huh? Grab the ouzo.
I really wish you would stop helping.
One, two, three, drink! Ah! [WINCING.]
How you feeling there, Rolfy boy? - I feel good.
- Good.
I feel strong.
I failed college.
How are you not bombed? You weigh, like, eight pounds.
I like you.
Ena, dio, tria! - What's wrong? - [BELCHING.]
- [EXCLAMATIONS.]
- Game over, lightweight! What? I swallowed it! And it came back up, which means you lose.
Everybody knows that.
It's true, man.
Everyone knows that.
Well, we won fair and square.
Uncuff us.
Hang on! [SNIFFING.]
You've been spitting your shots into this bottle.
No, she hasn't.
You haven't, right? - I learned it from Coyote Ugly.
- Oh, I love that movie! You broke the rules.
Now I get to break your necks.
- Ooh, good one.
- [ROARING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- Stop!! - Stop quipping and run! - Yep.
Okay! [GRUNTING.]
- [REVENANTS SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTING.]
Hurry up! The cuff's chafing.
You're going too fast and I'm too drunk.
Ugh! - You are literally the worst! - Climb! Climb! Climb! You found my mementos.
You mean the souvenirs of all the people you have killed? - That's a vulgar way to put it.
- It is the truth.
Is it Wynonna you're helping? In a manner of speaking.
She must be some woman if you're willing to give up one of your precious pistols.
It's sweet you think she'd want you now.
You know how your jealousy bores me.
As you really are.
Wynonna helped make me as I am.
[GROWLING.]
I did! Because you asked me to! My Henry.
The greatest gunslinger that ever lived.
A filthy, rotten scoundrel.
All this helping and sacrificing she has you doing - She thinks I can be better.
- Than what? It's beneath you.
Wynonna is breaking your spirit.
But I love you when you're at your worst.
Maybe even more.
Then you'll know I'm not a man that does ultimatums.
Or likes to choose.
[CHUCKLING.]
You have chosen.
And you're mine, forever now.
[GROWLING.]
So go, tell the Earp heir.
See if she welcomes you back into her bed.
[SNARLING.]
We wouldn't be in this mess if you just played by the rules! There are no rules in this shit-town, Nicole! If you wanna be all normal and law-abiding, do it somewhere else! You know what? Get your ass out of your head, Wynonna! You're not the only one who's been through stuff.
Oh, right, I forgot.
You survived a massacre.
- Yeah, that one is legit as F.
- You're right I did.
Ans so I'm not about to die here handcuffed to a criminal! You, by the way.
- [WYNONNA ROARING.]
- Oh! Real mature! You know what? You survived some shit, and I cannot wait for your TED Talk, but get back to me when you're cursed! - Jesus! - [CLICKING.]
- Mother bad-lucker, it's jammed.
- Argh! Not even like Space or strawberry, but the bad kind of jam! Well, aren't you two a pair of catty little bitches? I like it.
All that animosity running through your veins - [GRUNTING.]
- You're basting in it.
Oh, it'll make you taste so much better.
- You be Scott.
- You be Tessa.
- We make a pretty good team.
- Yeah, our chemistry's solid.
- [CRACKING.]
- Ah! Okay.
- [GRUNTING.]
Yep.
- [SHOUTING.]
[ROARING.]
As much as I love a feel-good ending, this ain't it.
Any last words? - I miss Macaulay Culkin! - Tell Waverly I love her! - Sure, make me look like an asshole.
- [GRUNTING.]
[GROANING.]
You owe me a wife.
- Is this better, or worse? - Worse.
Okay.
There's there's gotta be one more piece! Ah, whoop, there it is! Here, here.
- Oh! Oh, my God.
- Okay, bad luck over? - We fixed it! Did we fix it? - I dunno.
- There's a mountain man!! - A gross, scabby mountain man!! So not fixed, then.
Not so fast, Gandalf! No! - [MOUNTAIN MAN SNARLING.]
- You shall not pass!!! [ROARING.]
Yeah, on second thought, you do you, man Ah!! One of you will be my new wife! - Not it.
- Did he just say wife? Come on.
- Help.
- [GROWLING.]
Shit! [WAVERLY.]
: Okay, the mirror wasn't the only thing they broke, right? - Wait.
What's this? - Is that ceramic? It looks like a a lawn ornament? He's not an ogre.
He's a gnome! - How does that help us?! - You owe me a wife.
Now choose.
- How could we possibly - She'd make a great gnome wife.
- Ooh, loving a good puzzle.
- She's beautiful and annoyingly noble.
And I know she's great in bed, because my house has very thin walls.
- Quick, quick, quick, quick! - Stop! You should choose Wynonna.
She is funny and irrepressible, and she always goes to the mat for the people she loves.
More tape! Oh, and she's super fertile! It was one time.
You stick to that, I will do tape.
I think this would be a really good time to tell you that I am a lesbian.
Oh, like you never went through an experimental phase.
Not with gnomes! That's very narrow-minded, Nicole! Love is love! Stop talking!!! [SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Okay.
[GRUNTING.]
Ugh! You want a wife, but you need a mint.
- We're missing a piece! - Okay, I got the knees! I got the Oh, my God, these are Boobs?! Oh, hell gnome, it's a lady! They broke his gnome wife! Quick, stick the boobs back on! - That is a lawsuit waiting to happen! - Okay, fine, I'll do it! With the utmost respect, okay? Just hand me the double-sided tape! Oh, God, I really wish we had a gnome bra! Done! There.
Monique! You're alright.
Oh, buh-buh-buh-buh! Ah! Aw, that was kind of Sweet.
And romantic.
Exactly how my first Grindr date ended.
I've said too much.
Found it at the old roadhouse.
Doors were open, keys were in the ignition.
I wouldn't drive it for more than a day.
You never know when the owner's gonna sober up and report it stolen.
Okay.
We got some cash, an ID.
Ooh, I knew an outlaw'd get what's needed when I need to get out of Dodge fast.
Oh, but I'm not gonna take your pistol.
We both know you might need that.
[SIGHING.]
Much obliged.
Otherwise, nicely done, Johnny Hank.
Wish I could say the same.
Is this where you beg me to stay? Oh, I do not beg.
Anyways, this gives us our best chance at keeping them safe.
Seems to be my lot in life.
Leaving to keep other people safe.
Am I meant to feel sorry for you? No.
I would never ask you that.
But you do recognize this, you recognize me, you recognize what I'm doing.
Setting evil free and imperilling your own family in the process? Now that I know what's happened to Julian, I have to go find him.
He's lost out there.
He's outside the Ghost River Triangle.
From the second I walked into that barn you knew I'd make you leave, you knew I'd help you.
Sometimes it takes a monster.
Wynonna will be angry.
She's not gonna be angry with you.
She always seems to forgive you.
Still, you may not escape her anger, for you are abandoning your family for love.
Oh.
Like I'm gonna let a vampire lecture me on love.
Oh.
[GASPING.]
Shit.
Out already? Didn't even have time to send flowers.
It was just a fancy faint.
Yeah, the cat made a bed in your ass crack.
The doctor said I'm fine.
I'm as healthy as an ox.
- With the cankles to match.
- Listen.
I am just here to tell Officer Haught that despite the day's events, she will not be getting my support.
She saved your life, you incorrigible bitch.
Perhaps.
But she does not belong here in Purgatory.
She is not our people.
Are you a xenophobe, or a homophobe? Why pick just one? Even though it was against her best interest, Nicole did the right thing.
She always does the right thing, no matter what.
That's the kind of person who should be sheriff.
- I'll keep that in mind.
- No.
Bunny shouldn't we talk about what really happened today? What's really got your pearls all twisted? I don't know what you're talking about.
What you saw.
Because you saw something, didn't you, Bun Bun? It was just a dream, a terrible dream.
Like the one where I'm on the cruise ship with all the shirtless Portuguese sailors.
Okay, there's a lot to unpack there.
But no you weren't dreaming.
See, you think you want to know the things Nedley's been keeping secret.
You don't.
That monster you saw today, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
Iceberg? If you don't back Nicole for sheriff, I am sending that monster and all of his demon friends to your house.
You can't and you won't.
Oh, bless your cold, withered heart.
You think it could handle another "fancy faint"? Then Nicole Haught's gonna be the next sheriff.
Okay? Have a lovely day.
I need to get to church.
You gotta book yourself that cruise.
How long have you been listening? It would've been rude to interrupt.
- Naughty Haughty.
- How's your head? Because I feel like I can hear space and time.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Hair of the dog? Officer Haught.
At work? Well, some rules are made to be broken.
Huh.
Maybe you would be a good wife.
Ah, thank you.
But you're not my type.
You cheat at drinking games.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Mm-hmm.
Truce? More than a truce.
A win.
Hm.
You know, I used to think you were an outsider too.
And that things would get too demony and you would go and leave my sister with a broken heart.
Wynonna, I love her.
Ew.
Also, you'd better.
And I love you, too.
I mean, I know it's terribly unfair and sometimes I really get jealous, because you get to be Get to be what? You.
You know, you're staked to this land, same as me.
You never had a choice.
What do you mean? It wasn't Black Badge who saved you from the Cult of Bulshar massacre, Nicole.
It was an idealistic local cop.
- [GRUNTING AND SIGHING.]
- [KNOCKING.]
Oh That little dance battle at the vampire ball really did my back in.
Ah You were so damn scared.
Still so damn tough.
I found you downriver from the massacre.
You'd gotten yourself into a canoe, you got away, so You're the one.
Kept an eye on you afterwards.
You know, those folks of yours Who lets their six-year-old daughter go to a music festival in the woods? [SCOFFING.]
My parents were never anything but selfish.
If they could see you now.
Uh we don't talk.
Why? Because of who you are? Yeah.
A cop.
When I found out you'd enrolled in the police academy, I couldn't resist offering you this job.
When I saw the posting, I I knew that this was where I had to serve.
Everything good that I have in my life is because I came back to the Ghost River Triangle.
You're like a daughter to me.
You're wrinkling the crease in my khakis.
Thank you.
You are a tough act to follow.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not if you really need me.
Congratulations, Sheriff Haught.
You earned it.
Fill a tub with tequila and salt the rim.
I have had a day.
She's gone.
Went to find Julian.
But we just had Christmas together and it was so nice.
We could spend our whole lives trying to figure out why she does what she does, baby girl.
We already have.
At least now she really is free.
Must be nice.
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) Good evening.
I come bearing gifts.
Well, gift.
- This is - Bulshar's ring.
It may protect you in your upcoming battle.
How did you get it? Nicole had it.
Well the details are a little foggy.
I do like to day drink, as you know.
Why don't you keep it? Anyone ever tell you not to look a gift horse in the mouth? Did you spend the day with my mother? She essentially treated me as her Ober Uber.
What she told me may require some explanation.
She thought so, too.
Lemme just read it to you.
"Dear Wynonna, don't trust Doc Holliday.
He's not what he says he is.
" Did she also say she set Bobo free from the well? She does love to burn a place down before she runs.
The recklessness of her actions - I do not see how she could remain here and keep you safe.
Just tell me what you did.
Who are you? - Who I've always been.
- Don't talk to me in riddles.
- How should I talk to you, then? - Like you give a shit about me.
You refused me.
Wynonna, I do care You are runnin' out of road, woman.
Tell me what you are.
[ROARING.]
Kate.
You let her do this.
She had you.
It was the only way.
What about us? [SNIFFLING.]
What about Alice? What would our daughter say if she knew her father sold his soul?! You of all people should understand the sacrifices that have been made.
You wanted your immortality that badly, selfish asshole?! You watch your mouth!! Bite me.
There are some advantages to you being a vampire.
John Henry Holliday, you're not welcome in my home anymore.
Don't you do this.
No, you did this.
Not me.