Abbott Elementary (2021) s03e08 Episode Script
Panel
1
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[CROWD CHEERS]
Barbara, where were you? You're
supposed to be guarding him!
Play the game, man. Play the game!
TARIQ: Ber-ber-ber-ber-ber!
Welcome to the first
teachers vs. students
B-ball game fundraiser.
Ha ha! As president of the PTA,
I put this on.
I charge $5 a head,
but after the DJ fees and gym rental,
we're gonna be down about $700.
Alright, y'all. Focus now. Come on.
- Uh
- Cut!
I cut. Here!
Oh, he said, "Cut!"
[LAUGHTER]
Shoot it, Barb!
You shoot it!
Oh! Come on! Should've shot it!
[CROWD CHEERING]
MELISSA: No! Don't You can't!
Foul! Technical foul!
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
- Give it to me, then.
- Arguing
Gimme another one! Gimme another one!
Shoot it, Barb. Shoot it. Shoot it!
[CROWD CHEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Stay down!
Ava. Ooh!
Unh!
Unh!
Ohh!
Unh!
[AVA GRUNTING]
BARBARA: Give me the ball.
Three, four, five.
And shoot!
[CROWD CHEERS]
Yes!
I'm carrying this team!
Yes! Yes!
The wrong basket.
- MAN: Whoa!
- Ohh!
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Gregory! I'm bummed
we're missing your panel.
- Oh.
- Remember the best response
is the one given with a smile.
Noted. Thank you. But I'd rather
be doing CPR training
at the district with you all.
What?! You're gonna be on a panel
about the future of education!
You're about to have
the time of your life.
Eh, it's not exactly my idea of fun.
Yeah, well, your idea of fun
is, like, collecting rare teaspoons.
I guess it'll be cool
talking with other educators.
Maybe I'll learn something,
but other than that,
it's an easy, low-key night.
- BARBARA: Well, well, well!
- JACOB: Ooh!
Are you sure the two of you
are going to the same event?
Yes, Barb. [CHUCKLES]
Why don't you look better?
Because this is a modest
panel of educators
speaking mostly to fellow
educators on a Tuesday.
I'm dressed appropriately!
MELISSA: Maybe for a Monday.
What is up with you today?
I dunno.
This is the Thunderdome. Okay?
My sorority sister/rival,
Crystal, is gonna be there.
We hate each other, but
admitting that means defeat,
so, Gregory, we have to win this panel.
- MANNY: Hey.
- Hey.
How are we feeling about tonight?
Definitely not diarrheal,
I'll tell you that much.
So, the superintendent makes
his final decision tonight
on whether or not my librarian program
is gonna be instituted district-wide.
I also have CPR training in a bit
with my Abbott friends
who I haven't seen in a while.
Good news is CPR class
best place to stress faint.
It's kind of a big night.
You sure you're good to take a class?
Yeah. I can't reschedule it again.
My certification lapses next week,
so if I don't do it tonight,
I can't teach anymore.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
CAPTAIN ROBINSON:
Alright, everyone! Settle in!
- Jacob?
- Avi. Hi!
Nice to see you again.
Aah! I feel like I haven't
seen you in forever!
I know, right? Well, let's get
a drink later and catch up.
- Okay.
- CAPTAIN ROBINSON: Ahem!
Who knows the three C's of CPR?
How about you, miss?
Ha! Why don't you ask
someone else, Captain Rob?
MAN: I can show you!
Yes.
Ooh! Melissa.
I think that man wants
to socialize with you.
I would hope so.
He ate the last of my cereal
this morning.
What? He was at your house?
Girl, was there a fire?
Eh
You are dating this man?
- No, we're not dating.
- They're hooking up.
- [JANINE GASPS]
- Jacob!
Now I missed the second "C."
- How did I not know about this?
- Or me?!
Because there's nothing to know.
Except maybe the walls at my place
are thinner than I thought, Jacob.
Wh [KNOCKING ON GLASS]
Um, uh, you know what?
I-I'll be right back.
Nobody say anything important
while I'm gone.
We will not be pausing the course!
Hey. Please tell me you
pulled me out in a panic
as a fun prank 'cause you got me. Ha!
Uh, no. We have a big problem.
CAPTAIN ROBINSON: People,
we think that way about
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
What are you doing?
Sizing up the opps.
The opps?
There she is. Darth Hater herself.
- Who?
- Crystal.
My trifling sorority sister and nemesis.
If her bird-ass ain't competing with me,
her raggedy-ass is copying me.
Her crusty self even copied me
on becoming a principal.
Or her dusty self became one
first just to spite me.
Crystal! [CHUCKLES]
Oh!
Soror!
- Oh! Mwah!
- Ooh!
Don't mind him. He's just documenting
since it's my fourth time here.
I'm so glad you were finally invited!
And you brought your
educator of the year.
You know Richard won that two years ago?
Richard.
- Richard Tyler Williams.
- Hi.
Richard Tyler Williams.
Richard Tyler Williams.
On all platforms.
Ava Coleman, esteemed
principal of Abbott Elementary.
To my left, Gregory Eddie
Gregory Eddie. Last year's
educator of the year!
- Congrats!
- Ah. Thank you. It was, uh
You just started teaching full-time
when you got that, right?
- Yeah.
- Interesting. [GIGGLES]
TARIQ: Oh [BLEEP]
What's good, Abbott family?
Oh. Tariq's here. Hey. Why?
Uh, I'm moderating the panel.
Yeah. I'm president of the PTA.
Questions about to be real off center.
Real head-scratchers.
Sorry. Let me get this straight.
Passyunk University is pulling
out of the librarian program
because it doesn't meet their
standards for academic credits?
Some random chancellor swooped in,
blew the whole thing up last minute.
- Oh, my God.
- Look. It's a setback.
Maybe you can go to the
other universities in the area.
They all needed money to participate.
Passyunk was the only one to say yes!
Um
We have to ask the district for money.
That's a wild sentence! Whoo-hoo!
Have Superintendent Reynolds
in my office within the hour.
I got carried away.
I can go to him. Whatever works.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Alright. Let's get
this show on the road.
Uh, panelists, what's
the single most important thing
about being a leader?
Well, what I've learned
from my experience
I'd have to say the most important thing
about being a leader is
showing up, looking good, and being on.
Well, I was going to say
that being a leader
means asking yourself,
"Would I follow me?"
WOMAN: Yes!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MAN: That's a bar!
The applause is letting me know
that that's interesting.
Hello? I don't
I don't think this is on.
WOMAN: It is!
Avi, hit 'em with it!
Compressions for circulation.
Check the airway. Administer breath.
And that's cap! Alright.
Partner one, take five!
Partner two, you're up!
Are you seriously mad?
I don't know why you
wouldn't trust me enough
to tell me who's courting you.
Nobody is courting me.
This ain't "Bridgerton." It's casual.
Casual what? Casual friends?
Casual pickpockets? Casual ghosts?
Casual what?!
It's modern day, Barb.
It doesn't have to be
casual anything.
There's no reason to label it.
But if I were gonna label it,
I would say it's just sex.
Hm
We can only do what we can do.
[APPLAUSE]
Okay, then. Well, uh, uh,
Greg, same "Q."
- Do students need to take tests?
- Yes.
Tests are the barometer for what
information has been retained.
[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, I'd like to "minus one"
Gregory's answer.
- Uh, yeah. I'm
- I'm gonna have to
times two that "minus one."
Because although tests are important,
at the end of the day,
the children are our future.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TARIQ: Alright. Well, uh,
that's gonna bring
Abbott's score to a negative-2
at the bottom of the first, y'all.
Educator of the year, folks. Ugh
[LAUGHTER] [RICHARD GIGGLES]
We are not just losing.
We are getting smoked.
You cannot lose a panel.
This is like every other panel
that's ever existed.
It's non-competitive.
You are getting our asses
kicked out there!
I am being asked questions,
and I'm answering them
clearly and concisely.
Okay? Everyone else
is just grandstanding.
That's what a panel is.
Richard is a career panelist.
I'm not even sure he still teaches.
He's corny, but he knows
nobody cares what you say.
They care how you say it.
- I care what I say!
- Then say it better!
Give it some razzle!
For the love of God, Gregory,
give it some dazzle.
You have to change up your tactics, too.
Nobody's lobbing questions at me.
That's 'cause you keep trying
to answer every question.
If you stop talking, people
will start paying attention.
- That's counterintuitive.
- Trust me.
Don't say anything at all.
Like asking a swan not to glide.
Now, the most important thing
to remember is
- Okay. What did I miss?
- I was just in the middle of
No, I meant in regards to gossip.
Well, it seems that my friend here
of over 15 years
trusts me less than
a common street stranger.
I trust you. I just didn't think
you would understand.
Boy, was I right!
Can we focus, please?! Alright.
We're gonna split up into pairs again,
but now we have an uneven number.
So, Avi, why don't you
partner up with Jacob over there
since your lips already touched?
- BARBARA: Ooh.
- What?!
Why would our previously touching
lips even matter in this situation?
Okay. You hooked up with him?
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, well, well!
Doesn't seem like such fun
being left out, now, does it?
No, it's different
because we are roommates,
so I have to know what
goes on under my roof.
Or on your roof.
- MELISSA: What?!
- JANINE: Oh, my God.
Okay. You know what? I forgive
you for not telling me.
In fact, I'm not even
gonna take it personally.
- Ha!
- Jacob, why didn't you tell me?
I did. I texted you.
You responded, "10-4, my dude."
[SIGHS] I'm sorry. I guess
I have been busier than normal.
Hey, Big Teagues.
I just got us five minutes
with Superintendent Reynolds.
Okay. I can sell it in three.
Folks, you can't be a hero
if you leave the scene!
I Teacher reviews are stellar.
Everything about this feels like a win.
[CHUCKLES]
- But just to be clear
- JANINE: Mm-hmm.
Y-you're now saying
that it's no longer free.
- That's correct.
- Oh. Dang it.
I was really rooting for this one.
[SIGHS]
Sorry. That's it? It's over?
Well, it's not my
"project approved" trash can.
You know Why would I have
one of those?
- Right. Um
- Hey.
I like the program. A lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- But we
Y-You know, we
don't have money for this.
Right. Right.
See, free is my jam.
- Yeah. Right.
- Right? Right?
- Free
- Mm-hmm.
Not free. Mnh! [CHUCKLES]
- Free!
- Yeah.
Not free. Rrr! Right?
This This visual is working, right?
It is, yeah, for sure.
Maybe if we can have, like, one more day
just to figure something out.
Well, final approvals are
recorded by 8:00 p.m. tonight.
That's the state's rules, not mine.
Right. Of course.
This sucks. Oh, unless it doesn't suck.
Because we could Oh, it does suck.
Okay, I didn't go with this originally
because I thought the program
would have a better shot
if there was, like, a big-name
school attached, but
Yeah.
What about Tasker Community College?
And, you know Now, I assumed
people would have opinions
about community colleges.
- However
- I went there.
I went to Penn!
I am so sorry.
I don't know why I do that.
- Let's make a call.
- Just give me 15 minutes.
- I need to go save a dummy's life.
- Okay.
Let's hear from someone we
haven't heard from in a second.
Principal Coleman, how do you continue
to motivate students?
Persistence.
Okay. Maybe, Greg,
you want to answer that one?
I would like to answer
that question, yes.
Um motivation.
Motivate. Let's look at that.
Let's Let's break that down.
Let's break down "motivate."
The first first part
of the word. "Motive."
Why are you doing what it is
that you're doing?
You better figure that out.
Second part, "ate."
Are you taking in enough nutrition
to sustain you throughout your day?
Because if you balance your breakfast
you'll balance your blessings.
Let's take some questions
from the audience.
What the hell was that?
Me? What the hell was that?
- I did what you said to do!
- I did what you said to do!
Ooh, man, you're lucky
I got a backup plan.
Yes. My man in the Rat Pack
jacket right there.
Hello, lads. I'm Bister Bohnson
from Babbott Belementary,
where I work as a teacher,
not as a janitor,
although I have immense respect
for the work they do.
My question is for Ava.
How do you balance curriculum
and after-school programs
like step team and garden club?
Thank you, Bister.
Uh, balance starts with the
You know, Bister, after-school programs
are all well and nice, but a
better predictor for success
is a program we have at Liberty
that's not at Abbott
in-school day care.
Because learning knows no age.
[APPLAUSE]
Well, damn! That was powerful!
Three points for that lady!
Yes, sir.
MR. JOHNSON: Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
Alright. Test time! I call first!
But you talked to me about Gary.
Because that was a real relationship
that you approved of.
You wouldn't understand.
You've been married 30 years.
Oh, my God! Congrats!
Oh, thank you, baby.
But that does not mean
that I cannot understand
newfangled dating.
Hey, guys, I'm kind of on a time crunch,
so if we could just get to
Okay. Listen.
I'm sorry that I didn't think
you would understand.
Thank you.
So why didn't you tell me about him?
Oh, I just didn't think it was serious.
AVI: Huh?
I'll tell you what's serious!
The bystander phenomenon!
Hey. What if I take the test now?
Oh, I thought we just both
assumed that it wasn't serious.
That's why I didn't
respond to your texts.
I thought you were being coy.
I even showed Captain Robinson.
I said, "Look how coy this boy is."
And I told you that was unlikely.
Okay, enough!
Captain Robinson, the test!
Alright, but I don't think you'll pass.
You missed almost the entire class.
Oh, has human biology changed
in the past three years?
Start the clock.
There's no clock!
That's not how it works!
I said start the clock!
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
four, five, six, seven, eight
[BREATHING SHARPLY]
- JACOB: Ooh!
- BARBARA: My, my, my.
So, not sure if you had
a chance to read our e-mail,
but we'd love to invite
some of the students
over at your community college
to participate in a program.
We'll do it!
R-Really?
[GASPS] Okay. Awesome!
So you did read the e-mail?
No, but no one ever invites our students
to participate in these
or any kinds of initiatives,
which is a shame.
- Too true.
- Okay. Amazing!
So w-we'll set something to
finesse the details this week.
But for now,
as I'm presenting it tonight,
I can confirm that you're in?
We'll do it.
And thanks for thinking of us.
We're not always the first call.
Ohh. Well, you were this time.
Then why was this so last-minute?
We live on the edge. Okay. Bye.
What? [MOUSE CLICKS]
[LAUGHS]
[GRUNTS]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Couldn't be me.
Yeah, I'm not really good at this stuff.
- Because me and you are a lot alike.
- Hm?
We're too real for this crap.
Yeah, that might be true.
I'm not really made for grandstanding.
That's a good thing.
My shiniest mop leaves
the most grime in its wake.
They're not even really saying anything.
Meanwhile, we're doing
a ton of stuff at Abbott
that's actually having
a positive impact on the kids.
Then maybe you should tell them that!
They ain't gonna clap for that.
They might learn somethin'.
We spoke to the vice president
of Tasker's, and he's in.
Yes. All we need now is your approval.
Tasker Community College?
Look, uh, Superintendent Reynolds
Mm-hmm?
People overlook community colleges
the same way
they overlook public schools.
But I believe that this will
provide a unique opportunity
for people from our community
to work with our students.
Is it free?
- It is free.
- Approved!
- Aah!
- Lead with that next time. Okay?
[CHUCKLES] Alright?
Because when it's free
it's my jam.
- That's your jam.
- That's my jam. Yeah.
Are you still down to grab a drink?
Oh, I can't. I'm getting
a drink with Barb.
Oh. Did you two have plans?
No, one of the many benefits
of being casual
is canceling plans
without any hard feelings.
Hm. Cool. Maybe I'll text you Monday?
Sure. Worth a shot.
My librarian program's
been approved! ♪
JACOB: Whoo!
- Hey!
- Yes! Congrats!
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Congratulations.
- Aah! Mmm!
- Congrats.
Oh, my God. Thank you. What did I miss?
Is Barbara hooking up
with that guy? 'Cause
I'll fill you in at Rubensteins.
Or it looks like we can
make the last 10 minutes
of Gregory's panel if we hurry.
I just need to grab my bag.
Panel Pals?! Chyeah. Duh!
Ooh. I can't make it. Sorry.
Oh. Uh, did I invite
Have fun, though.
Okay. Did he just make me
fall in love with him?
Because, I mean, wow.
He played that perfectly.
Ohh!
[EXHALES HEAVILY] Oh, my God.
[VOICE BREAKING] Be the teacher
you wish you had.
[APPLAUSE]
TARIQ: Amazing. Wow.
We might as well just end
the panel here, right?
[CHUCKLES]
But we got a few minutes left.
So, Principal Ava,
since y'all are getting cooked,
what makes a successful principal?
As principal, I'm only as
successful as my teachers.
So I'm gonna pass this question
over to Mr. Gregory Eddie.
O-kay. Kind of a re-gift, but sure.
You know, it sounds simple,
but listening.
Um, I run a gardening program at Abbott.
I didn't expect to
or even really set out to,
but the kids wanted it.
I mean, they didn't ask for it directly
because that's not how kids are.
But when I listened
to what they were saying,
they needed somewhere to hang out.
So I took what I knew, gardening,
and I created the program.
That's what being
a successful teacher is.
It's listening and
fulfilling needs that exist.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
That's it?
Yeah.
O kay. [CHUCKLES]
Y'all, that concludes the panel.
Make some noise for your winners
the Liberty Rings.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JANINE: I'm not sure
why they're scoring a panel,
but Gregory did great.
He was right. Those little moments when
you're just in your classroom
listening to your students
It was a really great answer.
Ava, I just want to say
I am so proud of you.
- Hm?
- I mean, I look at you
and I think about how much more
I could accomplish
if I didn't have three beautiful kids
and a husband at home to care for.
[CHUCKLES]
Did you hear how mean that was?
"How much more I could accomplish."
She just admitted
I've done more than her.
She is defeated. I am that
bitch, and she knows it.
My school stay winnin'!
My students are smart. My staff is sexy.
I'm not even talking about Gregory.
Have you seen Melissa? Barbara?
[SCOFFS] Janine, on a good day.
It must be pricey
paying for a whole crew
to capture your progress.
I don't pay them.
They asked me to capture
Abbott's glow-up
for free free and free.
I can't get them to leave me alone.
Hm.
Come on.
Mr. Eddie. Charles Pearlman.
I'm with the Philadelphia
Activities Fund.
Great job on the panel.
Oh. Uh, thank you.
The score didn't really reflect it,
but I felt pretty good.
We offer grants to activities
that serve the community.
I appreciated your answers today,
especially the one about the garden.
Oh. Uh, thank you.
I gotta run, but let's be in touch.
Yeah.
Hey! Y'all made it.
How was the, uh, CPR training?
Oh, it was great.
My program got approved, and I found out
Jacob hooked up with an EM
on Melissa's roof.
Oh, was it Avi or Wade?
What?! Who the hell is Wade?!
Read your texts.
Wow. That's actually a really
good point about scrub brushes.
Uh, Mr. Johnson, what do you
think is the biggest threat
A.I. poses to your profession?
I'll tell you what. I'm not scared.
Mopping takes elbow grease,
not microchips!
You know what would happen
if you made a microchip mop?
Uh, well, I have my theories.
I saw "Smart House," now.
You think what we do is easy?
Cleaning up after hundreds
of kids day in and day out?
You think you could do that?
[DEVICE BEEPING]
Well, come on up here and,
"Beep, beep, beep," that to my face!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys, we gotta calm it down.
You of all panels should know,
we gotta keep it clean.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[CROWD CHEERS]
Barbara, where were you? You're
supposed to be guarding him!
Play the game, man. Play the game!
TARIQ: Ber-ber-ber-ber-ber!
Welcome to the first
teachers vs. students
B-ball game fundraiser.
Ha ha! As president of the PTA,
I put this on.
I charge $5 a head,
but after the DJ fees and gym rental,
we're gonna be down about $700.
Alright, y'all. Focus now. Come on.
- Uh
- Cut!
I cut. Here!
Oh, he said, "Cut!"
[LAUGHTER]
Shoot it, Barb!
You shoot it!
Oh! Come on! Should've shot it!
[CROWD CHEERING]
MELISSA: No! Don't You can't!
Foul! Technical foul!
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
- Give it to me, then.
- Arguing
Gimme another one! Gimme another one!
Shoot it, Barb. Shoot it. Shoot it!
[CROWD CHEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Stay down!
Ava. Ooh!
Unh!
Unh!
Ohh!
Unh!
[AVA GRUNTING]
BARBARA: Give me the ball.
Three, four, five.
And shoot!
[CROWD CHEERS]
Yes!
I'm carrying this team!
Yes! Yes!
The wrong basket.
- MAN: Whoa!
- Ohh!
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Gregory! I'm bummed
we're missing your panel.
- Oh.
- Remember the best response
is the one given with a smile.
Noted. Thank you. But I'd rather
be doing CPR training
at the district with you all.
What?! You're gonna be on a panel
about the future of education!
You're about to have
the time of your life.
Eh, it's not exactly my idea of fun.
Yeah, well, your idea of fun
is, like, collecting rare teaspoons.
I guess it'll be cool
talking with other educators.
Maybe I'll learn something,
but other than that,
it's an easy, low-key night.
- BARBARA: Well, well, well!
- JACOB: Ooh!
Are you sure the two of you
are going to the same event?
Yes, Barb. [CHUCKLES]
Why don't you look better?
Because this is a modest
panel of educators
speaking mostly to fellow
educators on a Tuesday.
I'm dressed appropriately!
MELISSA: Maybe for a Monday.
What is up with you today?
I dunno.
This is the Thunderdome. Okay?
My sorority sister/rival,
Crystal, is gonna be there.
We hate each other, but
admitting that means defeat,
so, Gregory, we have to win this panel.
- MANNY: Hey.
- Hey.
How are we feeling about tonight?
Definitely not diarrheal,
I'll tell you that much.
So, the superintendent makes
his final decision tonight
on whether or not my librarian program
is gonna be instituted district-wide.
I also have CPR training in a bit
with my Abbott friends
who I haven't seen in a while.
Good news is CPR class
best place to stress faint.
It's kind of a big night.
You sure you're good to take a class?
Yeah. I can't reschedule it again.
My certification lapses next week,
so if I don't do it tonight,
I can't teach anymore.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
CAPTAIN ROBINSON:
Alright, everyone! Settle in!
- Jacob?
- Avi. Hi!
Nice to see you again.
Aah! I feel like I haven't
seen you in forever!
I know, right? Well, let's get
a drink later and catch up.
- Okay.
- CAPTAIN ROBINSON: Ahem!
Who knows the three C's of CPR?
How about you, miss?
Ha! Why don't you ask
someone else, Captain Rob?
MAN: I can show you!
Yes.
Ooh! Melissa.
I think that man wants
to socialize with you.
I would hope so.
He ate the last of my cereal
this morning.
What? He was at your house?
Girl, was there a fire?
Eh
You are dating this man?
- No, we're not dating.
- They're hooking up.
- [JANINE GASPS]
- Jacob!
Now I missed the second "C."
- How did I not know about this?
- Or me?!
Because there's nothing to know.
Except maybe the walls at my place
are thinner than I thought, Jacob.
Wh [KNOCKING ON GLASS]
Um, uh, you know what?
I-I'll be right back.
Nobody say anything important
while I'm gone.
We will not be pausing the course!
Hey. Please tell me you
pulled me out in a panic
as a fun prank 'cause you got me. Ha!
Uh, no. We have a big problem.
CAPTAIN ROBINSON: People,
we think that way about
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
What are you doing?
Sizing up the opps.
The opps?
There she is. Darth Hater herself.
- Who?
- Crystal.
My trifling sorority sister and nemesis.
If her bird-ass ain't competing with me,
her raggedy-ass is copying me.
Her crusty self even copied me
on becoming a principal.
Or her dusty self became one
first just to spite me.
Crystal! [CHUCKLES]
Oh!
Soror!
- Oh! Mwah!
- Ooh!
Don't mind him. He's just documenting
since it's my fourth time here.
I'm so glad you were finally invited!
And you brought your
educator of the year.
You know Richard won that two years ago?
Richard.
- Richard Tyler Williams.
- Hi.
Richard Tyler Williams.
Richard Tyler Williams.
On all platforms.
Ava Coleman, esteemed
principal of Abbott Elementary.
To my left, Gregory Eddie
Gregory Eddie. Last year's
educator of the year!
- Congrats!
- Ah. Thank you. It was, uh
You just started teaching full-time
when you got that, right?
- Yeah.
- Interesting. [GIGGLES]
TARIQ: Oh [BLEEP]
What's good, Abbott family?
Oh. Tariq's here. Hey. Why?
Uh, I'm moderating the panel.
Yeah. I'm president of the PTA.
Questions about to be real off center.
Real head-scratchers.
Sorry. Let me get this straight.
Passyunk University is pulling
out of the librarian program
because it doesn't meet their
standards for academic credits?
Some random chancellor swooped in,
blew the whole thing up last minute.
- Oh, my God.
- Look. It's a setback.
Maybe you can go to the
other universities in the area.
They all needed money to participate.
Passyunk was the only one to say yes!
Um
We have to ask the district for money.
That's a wild sentence! Whoo-hoo!
Have Superintendent Reynolds
in my office within the hour.
I got carried away.
I can go to him. Whatever works.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Alright. Let's get
this show on the road.
Uh, panelists, what's
the single most important thing
about being a leader?
Well, what I've learned
from my experience
I'd have to say the most important thing
about being a leader is
showing up, looking good, and being on.
Well, I was going to say
that being a leader
means asking yourself,
"Would I follow me?"
WOMAN: Yes!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MAN: That's a bar!
The applause is letting me know
that that's interesting.
Hello? I don't
I don't think this is on.
WOMAN: It is!
Avi, hit 'em with it!
Compressions for circulation.
Check the airway. Administer breath.
And that's cap! Alright.
Partner one, take five!
Partner two, you're up!
Are you seriously mad?
I don't know why you
wouldn't trust me enough
to tell me who's courting you.
Nobody is courting me.
This ain't "Bridgerton." It's casual.
Casual what? Casual friends?
Casual pickpockets? Casual ghosts?
Casual what?!
It's modern day, Barb.
It doesn't have to be
casual anything.
There's no reason to label it.
But if I were gonna label it,
I would say it's just sex.
Hm
We can only do what we can do.
[APPLAUSE]
Okay, then. Well, uh, uh,
Greg, same "Q."
- Do students need to take tests?
- Yes.
Tests are the barometer for what
information has been retained.
[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, I'd like to "minus one"
Gregory's answer.
- Uh, yeah. I'm
- I'm gonna have to
times two that "minus one."
Because although tests are important,
at the end of the day,
the children are our future.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TARIQ: Alright. Well, uh,
that's gonna bring
Abbott's score to a negative-2
at the bottom of the first, y'all.
Educator of the year, folks. Ugh
[LAUGHTER] [RICHARD GIGGLES]
We are not just losing.
We are getting smoked.
You cannot lose a panel.
This is like every other panel
that's ever existed.
It's non-competitive.
You are getting our asses
kicked out there!
I am being asked questions,
and I'm answering them
clearly and concisely.
Okay? Everyone else
is just grandstanding.
That's what a panel is.
Richard is a career panelist.
I'm not even sure he still teaches.
He's corny, but he knows
nobody cares what you say.
They care how you say it.
- I care what I say!
- Then say it better!
Give it some razzle!
For the love of God, Gregory,
give it some dazzle.
You have to change up your tactics, too.
Nobody's lobbing questions at me.
That's 'cause you keep trying
to answer every question.
If you stop talking, people
will start paying attention.
- That's counterintuitive.
- Trust me.
Don't say anything at all.
Like asking a swan not to glide.
Now, the most important thing
to remember is
- Okay. What did I miss?
- I was just in the middle of
No, I meant in regards to gossip.
Well, it seems that my friend here
of over 15 years
trusts me less than
a common street stranger.
I trust you. I just didn't think
you would understand.
Boy, was I right!
Can we focus, please?! Alright.
We're gonna split up into pairs again,
but now we have an uneven number.
So, Avi, why don't you
partner up with Jacob over there
since your lips already touched?
- BARBARA: Ooh.
- What?!
Why would our previously touching
lips even matter in this situation?
Okay. You hooked up with him?
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, well, well!
Doesn't seem like such fun
being left out, now, does it?
No, it's different
because we are roommates,
so I have to know what
goes on under my roof.
Or on your roof.
- MELISSA: What?!
- JANINE: Oh, my God.
Okay. You know what? I forgive
you for not telling me.
In fact, I'm not even
gonna take it personally.
- Ha!
- Jacob, why didn't you tell me?
I did. I texted you.
You responded, "10-4, my dude."
[SIGHS] I'm sorry. I guess
I have been busier than normal.
Hey, Big Teagues.
I just got us five minutes
with Superintendent Reynolds.
Okay. I can sell it in three.
Folks, you can't be a hero
if you leave the scene!
I Teacher reviews are stellar.
Everything about this feels like a win.
[CHUCKLES]
- But just to be clear
- JANINE: Mm-hmm.
Y-you're now saying
that it's no longer free.
- That's correct.
- Oh. Dang it.
I was really rooting for this one.
[SIGHS]
Sorry. That's it? It's over?
Well, it's not my
"project approved" trash can.
You know Why would I have
one of those?
- Right. Um
- Hey.
I like the program. A lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- But we
Y-You know, we
don't have money for this.
Right. Right.
See, free is my jam.
- Yeah. Right.
- Right? Right?
- Free
- Mm-hmm.
Not free. Mnh! [CHUCKLES]
- Free!
- Yeah.
Not free. Rrr! Right?
This This visual is working, right?
It is, yeah, for sure.
Maybe if we can have, like, one more day
just to figure something out.
Well, final approvals are
recorded by 8:00 p.m. tonight.
That's the state's rules, not mine.
Right. Of course.
This sucks. Oh, unless it doesn't suck.
Because we could Oh, it does suck.
Okay, I didn't go with this originally
because I thought the program
would have a better shot
if there was, like, a big-name
school attached, but
Yeah.
What about Tasker Community College?
And, you know Now, I assumed
people would have opinions
about community colleges.
- However
- I went there.
I went to Penn!
I am so sorry.
I don't know why I do that.
- Let's make a call.
- Just give me 15 minutes.
- I need to go save a dummy's life.
- Okay.
Let's hear from someone we
haven't heard from in a second.
Principal Coleman, how do you continue
to motivate students?
Persistence.
Okay. Maybe, Greg,
you want to answer that one?
I would like to answer
that question, yes.
Um motivation.
Motivate. Let's look at that.
Let's Let's break that down.
Let's break down "motivate."
The first first part
of the word. "Motive."
Why are you doing what it is
that you're doing?
You better figure that out.
Second part, "ate."
Are you taking in enough nutrition
to sustain you throughout your day?
Because if you balance your breakfast
you'll balance your blessings.
Let's take some questions
from the audience.
What the hell was that?
Me? What the hell was that?
- I did what you said to do!
- I did what you said to do!
Ooh, man, you're lucky
I got a backup plan.
Yes. My man in the Rat Pack
jacket right there.
Hello, lads. I'm Bister Bohnson
from Babbott Belementary,
where I work as a teacher,
not as a janitor,
although I have immense respect
for the work they do.
My question is for Ava.
How do you balance curriculum
and after-school programs
like step team and garden club?
Thank you, Bister.
Uh, balance starts with the
You know, Bister, after-school programs
are all well and nice, but a
better predictor for success
is a program we have at Liberty
that's not at Abbott
in-school day care.
Because learning knows no age.
[APPLAUSE]
Well, damn! That was powerful!
Three points for that lady!
Yes, sir.
MR. JOHNSON: Thank you. [CHUCKLES]
Alright. Test time! I call first!
But you talked to me about Gary.
Because that was a real relationship
that you approved of.
You wouldn't understand.
You've been married 30 years.
Oh, my God! Congrats!
Oh, thank you, baby.
But that does not mean
that I cannot understand
newfangled dating.
Hey, guys, I'm kind of on a time crunch,
so if we could just get to
Okay. Listen.
I'm sorry that I didn't think
you would understand.
Thank you.
So why didn't you tell me about him?
Oh, I just didn't think it was serious.
AVI: Huh?
I'll tell you what's serious!
The bystander phenomenon!
Hey. What if I take the test now?
Oh, I thought we just both
assumed that it wasn't serious.
That's why I didn't
respond to your texts.
I thought you were being coy.
I even showed Captain Robinson.
I said, "Look how coy this boy is."
And I told you that was unlikely.
Okay, enough!
Captain Robinson, the test!
Alright, but I don't think you'll pass.
You missed almost the entire class.
Oh, has human biology changed
in the past three years?
Start the clock.
There's no clock!
That's not how it works!
I said start the clock!
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
four, five, six, seven, eight
[BREATHING SHARPLY]
- JACOB: Ooh!
- BARBARA: My, my, my.
So, not sure if you had
a chance to read our e-mail,
but we'd love to invite
some of the students
over at your community college
to participate in a program.
We'll do it!
R-Really?
[GASPS] Okay. Awesome!
So you did read the e-mail?
No, but no one ever invites our students
to participate in these
or any kinds of initiatives,
which is a shame.
- Too true.
- Okay. Amazing!
So w-we'll set something to
finesse the details this week.
But for now,
as I'm presenting it tonight,
I can confirm that you're in?
We'll do it.
And thanks for thinking of us.
We're not always the first call.
Ohh. Well, you were this time.
Then why was this so last-minute?
We live on the edge. Okay. Bye.
What? [MOUSE CLICKS]
[LAUGHS]
[GRUNTS]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Couldn't be me.
Yeah, I'm not really good at this stuff.
- Because me and you are a lot alike.
- Hm?
We're too real for this crap.
Yeah, that might be true.
I'm not really made for grandstanding.
That's a good thing.
My shiniest mop leaves
the most grime in its wake.
They're not even really saying anything.
Meanwhile, we're doing
a ton of stuff at Abbott
that's actually having
a positive impact on the kids.
Then maybe you should tell them that!
They ain't gonna clap for that.
They might learn somethin'.
We spoke to the vice president
of Tasker's, and he's in.
Yes. All we need now is your approval.
Tasker Community College?
Look, uh, Superintendent Reynolds
Mm-hmm?
People overlook community colleges
the same way
they overlook public schools.
But I believe that this will
provide a unique opportunity
for people from our community
to work with our students.
Is it free?
- It is free.
- Approved!
- Aah!
- Lead with that next time. Okay?
[CHUCKLES] Alright?
Because when it's free
it's my jam.
- That's your jam.
- That's my jam. Yeah.
Are you still down to grab a drink?
Oh, I can't. I'm getting
a drink with Barb.
Oh. Did you two have plans?
No, one of the many benefits
of being casual
is canceling plans
without any hard feelings.
Hm. Cool. Maybe I'll text you Monday?
Sure. Worth a shot.
My librarian program's
been approved! ♪
JACOB: Whoo!
- Hey!
- Yes! Congrats!
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Congratulations.
- Aah! Mmm!
- Congrats.
Oh, my God. Thank you. What did I miss?
Is Barbara hooking up
with that guy? 'Cause
I'll fill you in at Rubensteins.
Or it looks like we can
make the last 10 minutes
of Gregory's panel if we hurry.
I just need to grab my bag.
Panel Pals?! Chyeah. Duh!
Ooh. I can't make it. Sorry.
Oh. Uh, did I invite
Have fun, though.
Okay. Did he just make me
fall in love with him?
Because, I mean, wow.
He played that perfectly.
Ohh!
[EXHALES HEAVILY] Oh, my God.
[VOICE BREAKING] Be the teacher
you wish you had.
[APPLAUSE]
TARIQ: Amazing. Wow.
We might as well just end
the panel here, right?
[CHUCKLES]
But we got a few minutes left.
So, Principal Ava,
since y'all are getting cooked,
what makes a successful principal?
As principal, I'm only as
successful as my teachers.
So I'm gonna pass this question
over to Mr. Gregory Eddie.
O-kay. Kind of a re-gift, but sure.
You know, it sounds simple,
but listening.
Um, I run a gardening program at Abbott.
I didn't expect to
or even really set out to,
but the kids wanted it.
I mean, they didn't ask for it directly
because that's not how kids are.
But when I listened
to what they were saying,
they needed somewhere to hang out.
So I took what I knew, gardening,
and I created the program.
That's what being
a successful teacher is.
It's listening and
fulfilling needs that exist.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
That's it?
Yeah.
O kay. [CHUCKLES]
Y'all, that concludes the panel.
Make some noise for your winners
the Liberty Rings.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JANINE: I'm not sure
why they're scoring a panel,
but Gregory did great.
He was right. Those little moments when
you're just in your classroom
listening to your students
It was a really great answer.
Ava, I just want to say
I am so proud of you.
- Hm?
- I mean, I look at you
and I think about how much more
I could accomplish
if I didn't have three beautiful kids
and a husband at home to care for.
[CHUCKLES]
Did you hear how mean that was?
"How much more I could accomplish."
She just admitted
I've done more than her.
She is defeated. I am that
bitch, and she knows it.
My school stay winnin'!
My students are smart. My staff is sexy.
I'm not even talking about Gregory.
Have you seen Melissa? Barbara?
[SCOFFS] Janine, on a good day.
It must be pricey
paying for a whole crew
to capture your progress.
I don't pay them.
They asked me to capture
Abbott's glow-up
for free free and free.
I can't get them to leave me alone.
Hm.
Come on.
Mr. Eddie. Charles Pearlman.
I'm with the Philadelphia
Activities Fund.
Great job on the panel.
Oh. Uh, thank you.
The score didn't really reflect it,
but I felt pretty good.
We offer grants to activities
that serve the community.
I appreciated your answers today,
especially the one about the garden.
Oh. Uh, thank you.
I gotta run, but let's be in touch.
Yeah.
Hey! Y'all made it.
How was the, uh, CPR training?
Oh, it was great.
My program got approved, and I found out
Jacob hooked up with an EM
on Melissa's roof.
Oh, was it Avi or Wade?
What?! Who the hell is Wade?!
Read your texts.
Wow. That's actually a really
good point about scrub brushes.
Uh, Mr. Johnson, what do you
think is the biggest threat
A.I. poses to your profession?
I'll tell you what. I'm not scared.
Mopping takes elbow grease,
not microchips!
You know what would happen
if you made a microchip mop?
Uh, well, I have my theories.
I saw "Smart House," now.
You think what we do is easy?
Cleaning up after hundreds
of kids day in and day out?
You think you could do that?
[DEVICE BEEPING]
Well, come on up here and,
"Beep, beep, beep," that to my face!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys, we gotta calm it down.
You of all panels should know,
we gotta keep it clean.