Casual (2015) s03e08 Episode Script
Venus
1 VALERIE: Previously on "Casual" - LAURA: We have a rat! - Jack is bringing traps.
I miss us, and I know that with my celibacy, that I couldn't ask you to try again, but I want to try again.
VALERIE: You and Casey seem really close.
Yeah, I guess so.
Something going on with you two? What do you mean? VALERIE: You know, you have a tendency to sort of complicate relationships with sex.
Wow, that's so sad that's what you think of me.
My girlfriend, she's threatening to go full Ophelia.
You are shouldering too much weight.
Just tell Val.
She'll understand.
Mom told me you have a half brother.
[coughs.]
It's crazy, right? I have to take a rain check on this game.
I've had a really long week, and I'm so tired.
- Did you talk to Val? - Mm-hmm.
What, weight lifted or No, not exactly.
[beeping.]
["Nimble Girl" by Hotel Eden.]
HOTEL EDEN: Confess to the nervousness As we stumble to the close of a troubled chapter These months have been fun, but we're done Now the truth burns through It's a total disaster But if you could see What your eyes reflect from your soul It's revealing Nimble girl, show me love [lively rock music.]
- Oh! - Oh, shit! I plant these cans on behalf of Clan Cole.
Ahhh! Ah! BOTH: Fuck! Okay, all right.
This is fine.
It's a terrible mistake, but we were drunk and high on rat death euphoria.
- Oh, gross! - Gross? Oh, a fucking bro, Rae Please tell me we didn't fuck to Matchbox 20.
How dare you? God.
Don't look at me.
Turn.
I've already seen everything.
Do you remember it? Not really.
I've got perfect nipples.
Turn.
- All right.
- Gross.
God, you look like the villain from "Legally Blonde.
" Gross.
You said "gross" three times now.
All right! Don't.
Don't look.
Don't look.
Look, I'm just saying this as a friend.
You should buy a toenail clipper, okay? [sighs.]
God damn it.
[timer beeping.]
God, shut the fuck up, oven.
I see you two have finally met.
[sighs.]
Surprise! Ugh! Is this pathetic or what? It depends what you're trying to do.
Well, I'm trying to do a room service thing, since you used to love that, but we don't have any trays.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I'm not hungry.
You're not? What? I mean, you don't want anything? No, I'm good.
I hate to waste it.
Oh, I'll pay you back for it.
I don't want you to pay me back.
Mom, I'm fucking with you.
I don't make any money, remember? [doorbell rings repeatedly.]
Rule number one: never fuck a roommate.
I should be restrained at night, chained to the wall like the Wolfman.
That was Benicio, right? And Emily Blunt phoning it in? How far we've come.
Okay, I need to re-home her.
Can she stay here? Not if she's in heat.
Come on.
I need a game plan.
Why don't you make her breakfast and have an honest conversation about what happened? No, terrible idea.
Agreed.
Ignore her.
Normalize the transgression, and gaslight her if she brings it up again.
- Laura.
- You should run for office.
So what are we doing today? Korean barbecue? Shooting range? Korean barbecue at a shooting range? Well, Laura and I are looking forward to doing a staycation kind of thing.
We're gonna just watch TV Actually, I'm heading over to Dad's, but I will take this donut, thank you.
Hey, are you sure it was Rae you fucked? Or was it Tybalt, the sorcerer? Ha ha ha.
[door closes.]
Did you know that for a large portion of his adult life, Jack Nicholson thought his grandmother was his mom and his mom was his sister? Oh.
That why you didn't tell me about my half brother, the mystery guy? Afraid of upending my thriving acting career? [sighs.]
I just wasn't sure you would want to know.
Oh, really? Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
But now that I do know, I should probably look into it, right? I mean, for Laura's sake? In case she needs a kidney or something? Yeah, good thinking.
Probably best to start harvesting those organs now.
Yeah.
I really should.
CASEY: Hey.
Hi.
Cool place.
Thanks.
Happy to provide asylum.
How's your mom? Well, I'll head back home as soon as her bitterness fades to exhaustion.
Jane, Dylan, Nigel, Laura.
Hi.
So what's on tap for the day? Well, I have this interview thing, but you're welcome to hang as long as you'd like.
Cool.
Um, you have Do do you need A tampon? No, not really my thing.
Gotcha.
That's cutting out the middleman.
Hon? You're up in the shower.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Elena, Laura.
- Hi.
Oh, you're Casey's girlfriend.
Hi.
Her wife.
Oh.
It's nice to meet you.
[light music.]
[scoffs.]
Oh, hi.
It's Alex Cole calling.
No, this has nothing to do with reverse mortgages.
Yeah, I'm Dawn Cole's son, trying to contact old friends, lovers, whatever.
Is Gary there? No, I'm not asking for money.
[loud whirring.]
You know what? Forget it.
Enjoy the time you have left.
Hi.
Hiya.
Hello, young man.
That's a fun and loud toy.
I'm training him for future government work.
Clark, honey, why don't you play one of your games, okay? I don't normally bring him to the office, but his dad's running a bit behind today.
- Dad's not coming.
- Yes, he is, Bear.
You always say that.
Seven out of the last ten times, he hasn't shown up at all.
He's very good at data collection.
Can he spreadsheet? Put him on payroll.
I wish, but child labor laws.
I'd go to jail, and he'd just end up dating bacon-withholding women.
- This is so boring! - Clark I hate your office.
Do you really want Alex to see you like this? This guy? I don't care about him.
- Clark.
- It's okay.
I don't care about me either.
I'm just gonna Yeah.
Sorry.
You know, maybe just to spite Alex, I'll track down my half brother and throw him a party.
Do it as a pay-per-view event, and charge money, make a little cash.
Yeah.
Nah, never gonna look for him.
Really? No, it's a no-win.
I mean, if he's happy and successful, it'll just be this painful reminder of what could have been.
If they're a bunch of losers, then you got to worry about shared genes.
Yeah, exactly.
Best-case scenario is, they're normal, which would be just boring.
Don't you kind of want to know what your original surname is, though? Like, what if you have an awesome last name like Bonvillain or McClintock? - What if you're a McClintock? - I don't know.
It could be terrible.
I knew a Gracie Cumster in middle school.
[laughs.]
Oh, whoa.
- What? - Uh - Mapplethorpe? - Oh, shit, of course.
What kind of Mapplethorpe we talking about here? I don't know.
Is it portraits, sculptures? Tulips and assholes.
Oh, got the whole potpourri.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
- You know what? - What? - I hate tulips.
- Really? Yeah, it's a terrible flower.
And my great-great-great-great- great-grandmother was Dutch.
- What? - And when the bubble burst, she got real fucked.
She was on the streets for a while.
She took a hit.
Yeah, yeah.
- So I can't do this.
- I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
Yeah, out of principle, I shouldn't do this.
- Yeah, no Mapplethorpe.
- No Mapplethorpe.
- How about coffee? - We could do coffee.
- Okay.
- And talk about - Hey, we're not gonna do Mapplethorpe.
- No.
As much as you guys try to make us, we're not gonna do it, okay? Kitchen's just like the one in "Downton Abbey" but less modern.
Oh, is it private enough for hushed gossip about the Crawleys? [chuckles.]
Did you hear Lady Edith was sent to hospital again for fucking another horse? That's ten this week.
- [laughs.]
- My goodness.
Speaking of Oh, you're just gonna saunter through here, dick swinging, like you didn't use all our hot water again.
And I'm invisible.
What am I? Elena? Dude, seriously.
Usually Casey at least mentions the green card.
Which is super insulting, by the way.
They don't fuck like a green card marriage.
Now I feel bad, like maybe I missed something she said.
Oh, doubt it.
Casey's like a dude.
Adjusting the facts as she pleases.
And gone three nights a week.
Well, I'm pretty sure she's just sleeping at work, right? On a pillow of intern vagina.
Classy.
You watch lactation porn.
Wait, what? Aw, you homesick, Dylan? - Oh, shit.
- [laughter.]
[door opens and closes.]
Just, I am trying to talk to you.
[muted conversation.]
- Just stop.
- Here we go again.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm here.
No, I'm not Valerie.
I'm looking for her baptismal birth certificate.
Hang on just a sec.
Hello? Eric doesn't work here anymore.
Hello? You there? Pastor? Come on.
JUDY: Clark, please, just You were supposed to take me to the aquarium, Mom.
I know, but I what do you want me to do? What can I do? What can I Clark.
I mean, I've only known the guy for nine years, and I knew he'd blow it.
What's your excuse? [phone ringing.]
Take it.
I got this.
Ugh, thank you.
This is Judy.
Aquarium, huh? What's the point? Global warming's gonna get us anyway.
You're right.
But Florida will be the first to go, literally underwater, 27 electoral votes set free, which shifts the map, maybe slows things.
- Still - I know.
Even if we fix it all tomorrow, the sun will still expand, boil our surface water, and turn our planet into Venus.
Scary and inevitable.
But given our history of innovation, maybe our descendants, even your anxious grandchildren, will have found a way to move on to other planets.
I guess that's kind of cool.
That's very cool.
And the interplanetary exodus, total bonding moment.
There'll be a space-wide love fest.
[phone buzzing.]
Hang on.
Hello.
Oh, Gary! My man! Yes! Can you email me the photo? All right, yes.
Great.
You're an absolute lifesaver.
Here we go! Photo of who? My sister's birth father, who is Not that guy.
Shit.
Oh, man.
Okay, okay.
What do we know? Val's born in '76.
Mom's already a groupie.
- What's a groupie? - A slut for musicians.
- Like John Mayer? - Exactly, yeah.
Now, who was Mom stalking in '75? "Born to Run" is out, but E Street Band's a boys' club.
Kiss, maybe? No, Mom frightens too easily.
'75, '75, '75.
Oh, yes.
Fleetwood Mac.
Who's Fleetwood Mac? [outraged.]
Who's Fleetwood Mac? Jeez, look at this incredible awkwardness here.
"Plan going as intended.
"I'll get her "some very early-morning Cabernet Sauvignons and impress her with the fact that I know the word 'Matisse.
'" - Mm-hmm.
- Little fake phone call alert.
"Please, somebody call me.
Somebody be dead.
" And just like that, we've run out of everything to say.
- Try one of these.
- Hmm? Oh.
- They're good, huh? - Oh, very good.
So I don't mean to sound overly clinical here, but, um how is how's this gonna work? I mean, obviously, no penetration.
Shoving meat in your mouth was a little suggestive, wasn't it? [laughs.]
Just a smidge, maybe.
I we're waiting.
Right.
- That's all.
- Uh-huh.
Is anybody else waiting? Just you.
And and we're waiting because - I'm rewiring.
- Yes, right.
'Cause I want, you know, the next time around to be about us.
I want the sex to be, you know, about us.
Yeah.
Thank you.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Yes.
I mean, it's just, when I think about our time together, it was spent doing things.
And I just I'm trying to picture how to be with you and not do those things.
But there's we can do different things.
There's, you know, knitting, gardening.
- Those are all on the table.
- Right.
Board games.
Most board games, anyway.
And we can do things like this, you know.
Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Aw, Alex would love this rug.
How's he holding up? Uh, tortured, living a life of unspeakable privilege and just depressed enough to resent it.
Who's Alex? Oh, her uncle.
His house has incredible water pressure.
[doorbell rings.]
Oh, that's Ben.
I really love your house.
Make yourself at home.
Right, so you want to talk about burners? We'll talk about burners.
You want to talk about fracking? I want to talk about the city council meeting next week.
Oh, okay, whatever you want.
Um, if you get bored, there's mailers in the living room or Cool.
I'm on it.
WOMAN: Frequently employing photographs from local publications, Jude constructs a visual language that, placed in sequence, tells a story that might seem out of place, mysterious the duality of the urban and rural, the bustle of city life and the solitude of the outdoors often juxtaposed in a single frame.
Born in Los Angeles in 1965 but raised in rural Idaho, Jude took inspiration from his dichotic upbringing for his landscapes, portraits Excuse me.
WOMAN: Snapshot of America captured in democratic and observant Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
WOMAN: The world of his childhood.
In the desert, Jude explores some of his earliest memories.
ALEX: They were the biggest, and they didn't need the internet to get there.
"Rumors" sold 10 million copies in its first year.
That is a staggering number.
Justin Bieber's last album streamed 750 million times.
Mm-hmm, don't ever mention them in the same sentence again.
Sorry.
Now, "Tusk" sold 4 million copies, a ton, but that was considered a failure.
That's how big Fleetwood Mac was.
And the entire time I'm talking decades here they were partying harder than anyone.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Why are you giving my nine-year-old a music sermon? We're trying to find Alex's sister's dad.
Oh.
Is your mom still alive? I think so.
Could you ask her? But we've been having so much fun.
[Fleetwood Mac's "Second Hand News" playing.]
You really should ask her.
I know, Clark.
WOMAN: 1880 from Paris's Museum of Decorative Arts, Rodin's sculpture depicts a scene from "The Inferno," the first section of Dante's "Divine Comedy.
" The shades, or the souls of the damned, were meant to stand at the entrance to hell, staring down at those who would enter.
Asked to conceive of an inviting entrance to a planned decorative arts museum, Rodin chose the shades but was unable to complete the project before his death in 1917.
Even before this commission, Rodin had developed [fast-paced guitar music.]
Too divorced from reality.
Printed in "Le Matin" in 1890, Rodin said, "For a" [sighs.]
[soft music.]
Where'd he go? Oh, he said something about an asshole with bad taste in music and took off.
Oh, that's funny.
Bathroom.
I'm sending you a playlist.
Make sure he listens to it in order.
No shuffling, no skipping, as it was meant to be heard.
Did you put any Foreigner on there? Watch it.
Hey, have you thought about limiting his internet use? I think it might be making him paranoid.
Hmm, I heard that Florida's doomed and we're turning into Venus.
But what was that? Less internet? I should write that down.
- Good night, Judy.
- Godspeed.
[light guitar music.]
[music intensifies.]
Can we go? - Yeah.
- Leave? Are you okay? You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.
I felt really alone and undesired, and I just I just don't think I should start something new in that place.
That's not us, though.
But I I think the smartest thing is to table this until you're on the other side.
Oh.
Okay.
Um I feel like this asshole who's just throwing pebbles at the window of your halfway house and begging you to come out and do an eight-ball with me, and nobody likes that guy, including that guy.
I get that, and I appreciate it, but what do you want? You want to take a few months off and see where we're at or something? I think that would be best.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, so I guess I'll see you around.
[soft music.]
[soft music.]
You know I was like you 20, trying to make my mark.
But it left me lonely.
And then I meet this woman who suddenly treats me like I have something to offer, like I can make things happen.
One morning, there's a knock on my door, and and she's holding this Joni Mitchell CD, tells me to listen to the song "If," based on the Rudyard Kipling poem.
Kipling says that if you endure long enough, you inherit the Earth, but Joni Mitchell says that that's bullshit, that young people need to wake up, fight.
She makes you cum in ways that you never thought possible.
She performs Reiki that cures your migraines.
She cries mid-story, and you think that you're the only one who's ever seen her tears.
And then, like the Sun, she sets on you, shines on someone else.
That's just what she does.
I've never had a migraine.
Lucky you.
Good news and bad news.
Bad news: your biological dad is no longer with us.
Sorry.
It was a car accident, though, not some scary genetic thing, so that's good.
That said, if you want to spit in a cup, I'm happy to go down that road for you.
Anyway, good news: I found your half brother.
And he's in Fresno, which is weird but great.
It's close.
[clears throat.]
And I mapped out some stuff for us to do along the way.
They've got yurts, three-star glamping.
No.
I thought you wanted this.
No.
Why would you think that? - Because you said.
- I didn't say.
Alex, this is my thing! Mine.
And you can't just fucking insert yourself.
This is when you leave.
[soft music.]
[sighs.]
Wow.
Don't get too excited; this is an intervention.
- Foreigner? - [laughs.]
Were you raised in a roller rink? - Guess what.
- What? You can use your regular voice.
Clark can sleep through anything.
Oh, I'm not doing this for Clark.
I've been told I sound like Harrison Ford when I speak in hushed tones.
[laughing.]
I'm sorry.
That's that's not even remotely true.
How dare you? Who told you that? Several people have told me.
Mm, I doubt it.
["Free Translator" by The Books.]
[light guitar music.]
THE BOOKS: And I see, and I see And I see, and I see And I see The hold-out boy and the weathergirl Know the wind moves in a patient way Like a two-decade day The man in the mouth of a drain Laughing and chewing erasers Like a black dog in the snow Write in relief and sleep again And you can't believe your eyes And you can't find your pen - The man in the hole - Is your new friend's friend Write in relief and sleep again And you get in the hole With your new friend's friend And he can't believe his eyes And he can't find his pen And the meteorological man With a whirlwind girl And a mote in the sun And a squid in a bag And a raccoon hat And a talking plant And a careful goat In a sewer system shaft And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see
I miss us, and I know that with my celibacy, that I couldn't ask you to try again, but I want to try again.
VALERIE: You and Casey seem really close.
Yeah, I guess so.
Something going on with you two? What do you mean? VALERIE: You know, you have a tendency to sort of complicate relationships with sex.
Wow, that's so sad that's what you think of me.
My girlfriend, she's threatening to go full Ophelia.
You are shouldering too much weight.
Just tell Val.
She'll understand.
Mom told me you have a half brother.
[coughs.]
It's crazy, right? I have to take a rain check on this game.
I've had a really long week, and I'm so tired.
- Did you talk to Val? - Mm-hmm.
What, weight lifted or No, not exactly.
[beeping.]
["Nimble Girl" by Hotel Eden.]
HOTEL EDEN: Confess to the nervousness As we stumble to the close of a troubled chapter These months have been fun, but we're done Now the truth burns through It's a total disaster But if you could see What your eyes reflect from your soul It's revealing Nimble girl, show me love [lively rock music.]
- Oh! - Oh, shit! I plant these cans on behalf of Clan Cole.
Ahhh! Ah! BOTH: Fuck! Okay, all right.
This is fine.
It's a terrible mistake, but we were drunk and high on rat death euphoria.
- Oh, gross! - Gross? Oh, a fucking bro, Rae Please tell me we didn't fuck to Matchbox 20.
How dare you? God.
Don't look at me.
Turn.
I've already seen everything.
Do you remember it? Not really.
I've got perfect nipples.
Turn.
- All right.
- Gross.
God, you look like the villain from "Legally Blonde.
" Gross.
You said "gross" three times now.
All right! Don't.
Don't look.
Don't look.
Look, I'm just saying this as a friend.
You should buy a toenail clipper, okay? [sighs.]
God damn it.
[timer beeping.]
God, shut the fuck up, oven.
I see you two have finally met.
[sighs.]
Surprise! Ugh! Is this pathetic or what? It depends what you're trying to do.
Well, I'm trying to do a room service thing, since you used to love that, but we don't have any trays.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I'm not hungry.
You're not? What? I mean, you don't want anything? No, I'm good.
I hate to waste it.
Oh, I'll pay you back for it.
I don't want you to pay me back.
Mom, I'm fucking with you.
I don't make any money, remember? [doorbell rings repeatedly.]
Rule number one: never fuck a roommate.
I should be restrained at night, chained to the wall like the Wolfman.
That was Benicio, right? And Emily Blunt phoning it in? How far we've come.
Okay, I need to re-home her.
Can she stay here? Not if she's in heat.
Come on.
I need a game plan.
Why don't you make her breakfast and have an honest conversation about what happened? No, terrible idea.
Agreed.
Ignore her.
Normalize the transgression, and gaslight her if she brings it up again.
- Laura.
- You should run for office.
So what are we doing today? Korean barbecue? Shooting range? Korean barbecue at a shooting range? Well, Laura and I are looking forward to doing a staycation kind of thing.
We're gonna just watch TV Actually, I'm heading over to Dad's, but I will take this donut, thank you.
Hey, are you sure it was Rae you fucked? Or was it Tybalt, the sorcerer? Ha ha ha.
[door closes.]
Did you know that for a large portion of his adult life, Jack Nicholson thought his grandmother was his mom and his mom was his sister? Oh.
That why you didn't tell me about my half brother, the mystery guy? Afraid of upending my thriving acting career? [sighs.]
I just wasn't sure you would want to know.
Oh, really? Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
But now that I do know, I should probably look into it, right? I mean, for Laura's sake? In case she needs a kidney or something? Yeah, good thinking.
Probably best to start harvesting those organs now.
Yeah.
I really should.
CASEY: Hey.
Hi.
Cool place.
Thanks.
Happy to provide asylum.
How's your mom? Well, I'll head back home as soon as her bitterness fades to exhaustion.
Jane, Dylan, Nigel, Laura.
Hi.
So what's on tap for the day? Well, I have this interview thing, but you're welcome to hang as long as you'd like.
Cool.
Um, you have Do do you need A tampon? No, not really my thing.
Gotcha.
That's cutting out the middleman.
Hon? You're up in the shower.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Elena, Laura.
- Hi.
Oh, you're Casey's girlfriend.
Hi.
Her wife.
Oh.
It's nice to meet you.
[light music.]
[scoffs.]
Oh, hi.
It's Alex Cole calling.
No, this has nothing to do with reverse mortgages.
Yeah, I'm Dawn Cole's son, trying to contact old friends, lovers, whatever.
Is Gary there? No, I'm not asking for money.
[loud whirring.]
You know what? Forget it.
Enjoy the time you have left.
Hi.
Hiya.
Hello, young man.
That's a fun and loud toy.
I'm training him for future government work.
Clark, honey, why don't you play one of your games, okay? I don't normally bring him to the office, but his dad's running a bit behind today.
- Dad's not coming.
- Yes, he is, Bear.
You always say that.
Seven out of the last ten times, he hasn't shown up at all.
He's very good at data collection.
Can he spreadsheet? Put him on payroll.
I wish, but child labor laws.
I'd go to jail, and he'd just end up dating bacon-withholding women.
- This is so boring! - Clark I hate your office.
Do you really want Alex to see you like this? This guy? I don't care about him.
- Clark.
- It's okay.
I don't care about me either.
I'm just gonna Yeah.
Sorry.
You know, maybe just to spite Alex, I'll track down my half brother and throw him a party.
Do it as a pay-per-view event, and charge money, make a little cash.
Yeah.
Nah, never gonna look for him.
Really? No, it's a no-win.
I mean, if he's happy and successful, it'll just be this painful reminder of what could have been.
If they're a bunch of losers, then you got to worry about shared genes.
Yeah, exactly.
Best-case scenario is, they're normal, which would be just boring.
Don't you kind of want to know what your original surname is, though? Like, what if you have an awesome last name like Bonvillain or McClintock? - What if you're a McClintock? - I don't know.
It could be terrible.
I knew a Gracie Cumster in middle school.
[laughs.]
Oh, whoa.
- What? - Uh - Mapplethorpe? - Oh, shit, of course.
What kind of Mapplethorpe we talking about here? I don't know.
Is it portraits, sculptures? Tulips and assholes.
Oh, got the whole potpourri.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
- You know what? - What? - I hate tulips.
- Really? Yeah, it's a terrible flower.
And my great-great-great-great- great-grandmother was Dutch.
- What? - And when the bubble burst, she got real fucked.
She was on the streets for a while.
She took a hit.
Yeah, yeah.
- So I can't do this.
- I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
Yeah, out of principle, I shouldn't do this.
- Yeah, no Mapplethorpe.
- No Mapplethorpe.
- How about coffee? - We could do coffee.
- Okay.
- And talk about - Hey, we're not gonna do Mapplethorpe.
- No.
As much as you guys try to make us, we're not gonna do it, okay? Kitchen's just like the one in "Downton Abbey" but less modern.
Oh, is it private enough for hushed gossip about the Crawleys? [chuckles.]
Did you hear Lady Edith was sent to hospital again for fucking another horse? That's ten this week.
- [laughs.]
- My goodness.
Speaking of Oh, you're just gonna saunter through here, dick swinging, like you didn't use all our hot water again.
And I'm invisible.
What am I? Elena? Dude, seriously.
Usually Casey at least mentions the green card.
Which is super insulting, by the way.
They don't fuck like a green card marriage.
Now I feel bad, like maybe I missed something she said.
Oh, doubt it.
Casey's like a dude.
Adjusting the facts as she pleases.
And gone three nights a week.
Well, I'm pretty sure she's just sleeping at work, right? On a pillow of intern vagina.
Classy.
You watch lactation porn.
Wait, what? Aw, you homesick, Dylan? - Oh, shit.
- [laughter.]
[door opens and closes.]
Just, I am trying to talk to you.
[muted conversation.]
- Just stop.
- Here we go again.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm here.
No, I'm not Valerie.
I'm looking for her baptismal birth certificate.
Hang on just a sec.
Hello? Eric doesn't work here anymore.
Hello? You there? Pastor? Come on.
JUDY: Clark, please, just You were supposed to take me to the aquarium, Mom.
I know, but I what do you want me to do? What can I do? What can I Clark.
I mean, I've only known the guy for nine years, and I knew he'd blow it.
What's your excuse? [phone ringing.]
Take it.
I got this.
Ugh, thank you.
This is Judy.
Aquarium, huh? What's the point? Global warming's gonna get us anyway.
You're right.
But Florida will be the first to go, literally underwater, 27 electoral votes set free, which shifts the map, maybe slows things.
- Still - I know.
Even if we fix it all tomorrow, the sun will still expand, boil our surface water, and turn our planet into Venus.
Scary and inevitable.
But given our history of innovation, maybe our descendants, even your anxious grandchildren, will have found a way to move on to other planets.
I guess that's kind of cool.
That's very cool.
And the interplanetary exodus, total bonding moment.
There'll be a space-wide love fest.
[phone buzzing.]
Hang on.
Hello.
Oh, Gary! My man! Yes! Can you email me the photo? All right, yes.
Great.
You're an absolute lifesaver.
Here we go! Photo of who? My sister's birth father, who is Not that guy.
Shit.
Oh, man.
Okay, okay.
What do we know? Val's born in '76.
Mom's already a groupie.
- What's a groupie? - A slut for musicians.
- Like John Mayer? - Exactly, yeah.
Now, who was Mom stalking in '75? "Born to Run" is out, but E Street Band's a boys' club.
Kiss, maybe? No, Mom frightens too easily.
'75, '75, '75.
Oh, yes.
Fleetwood Mac.
Who's Fleetwood Mac? [outraged.]
Who's Fleetwood Mac? Jeez, look at this incredible awkwardness here.
"Plan going as intended.
"I'll get her "some very early-morning Cabernet Sauvignons and impress her with the fact that I know the word 'Matisse.
'" - Mm-hmm.
- Little fake phone call alert.
"Please, somebody call me.
Somebody be dead.
" And just like that, we've run out of everything to say.
- Try one of these.
- Hmm? Oh.
- They're good, huh? - Oh, very good.
So I don't mean to sound overly clinical here, but, um how is how's this gonna work? I mean, obviously, no penetration.
Shoving meat in your mouth was a little suggestive, wasn't it? [laughs.]
Just a smidge, maybe.
I we're waiting.
Right.
- That's all.
- Uh-huh.
Is anybody else waiting? Just you.
And and we're waiting because - I'm rewiring.
- Yes, right.
'Cause I want, you know, the next time around to be about us.
I want the sex to be, you know, about us.
Yeah.
Thank you.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Yes.
I mean, it's just, when I think about our time together, it was spent doing things.
And I just I'm trying to picture how to be with you and not do those things.
But there's we can do different things.
There's, you know, knitting, gardening.
- Those are all on the table.
- Right.
Board games.
Most board games, anyway.
And we can do things like this, you know.
Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Aw, Alex would love this rug.
How's he holding up? Uh, tortured, living a life of unspeakable privilege and just depressed enough to resent it.
Who's Alex? Oh, her uncle.
His house has incredible water pressure.
[doorbell rings.]
Oh, that's Ben.
I really love your house.
Make yourself at home.
Right, so you want to talk about burners? We'll talk about burners.
You want to talk about fracking? I want to talk about the city council meeting next week.
Oh, okay, whatever you want.
Um, if you get bored, there's mailers in the living room or Cool.
I'm on it.
WOMAN: Frequently employing photographs from local publications, Jude constructs a visual language that, placed in sequence, tells a story that might seem out of place, mysterious the duality of the urban and rural, the bustle of city life and the solitude of the outdoors often juxtaposed in a single frame.
Born in Los Angeles in 1965 but raised in rural Idaho, Jude took inspiration from his dichotic upbringing for his landscapes, portraits Excuse me.
WOMAN: Snapshot of America captured in democratic and observant Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
WOMAN: The world of his childhood.
In the desert, Jude explores some of his earliest memories.
ALEX: They were the biggest, and they didn't need the internet to get there.
"Rumors" sold 10 million copies in its first year.
That is a staggering number.
Justin Bieber's last album streamed 750 million times.
Mm-hmm, don't ever mention them in the same sentence again.
Sorry.
Now, "Tusk" sold 4 million copies, a ton, but that was considered a failure.
That's how big Fleetwood Mac was.
And the entire time I'm talking decades here they were partying harder than anyone.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Why are you giving my nine-year-old a music sermon? We're trying to find Alex's sister's dad.
Oh.
Is your mom still alive? I think so.
Could you ask her? But we've been having so much fun.
[Fleetwood Mac's "Second Hand News" playing.]
You really should ask her.
I know, Clark.
WOMAN: 1880 from Paris's Museum of Decorative Arts, Rodin's sculpture depicts a scene from "The Inferno," the first section of Dante's "Divine Comedy.
" The shades, or the souls of the damned, were meant to stand at the entrance to hell, staring down at those who would enter.
Asked to conceive of an inviting entrance to a planned decorative arts museum, Rodin chose the shades but was unable to complete the project before his death in 1917.
Even before this commission, Rodin had developed [fast-paced guitar music.]
Too divorced from reality.
Printed in "Le Matin" in 1890, Rodin said, "For a" [sighs.]
[soft music.]
Where'd he go? Oh, he said something about an asshole with bad taste in music and took off.
Oh, that's funny.
Bathroom.
I'm sending you a playlist.
Make sure he listens to it in order.
No shuffling, no skipping, as it was meant to be heard.
Did you put any Foreigner on there? Watch it.
Hey, have you thought about limiting his internet use? I think it might be making him paranoid.
Hmm, I heard that Florida's doomed and we're turning into Venus.
But what was that? Less internet? I should write that down.
- Good night, Judy.
- Godspeed.
[light guitar music.]
[music intensifies.]
Can we go? - Yeah.
- Leave? Are you okay? You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.
I felt really alone and undesired, and I just I just don't think I should start something new in that place.
That's not us, though.
But I I think the smartest thing is to table this until you're on the other side.
Oh.
Okay.
Um I feel like this asshole who's just throwing pebbles at the window of your halfway house and begging you to come out and do an eight-ball with me, and nobody likes that guy, including that guy.
I get that, and I appreciate it, but what do you want? You want to take a few months off and see where we're at or something? I think that would be best.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, so I guess I'll see you around.
[soft music.]
[soft music.]
You know I was like you 20, trying to make my mark.
But it left me lonely.
And then I meet this woman who suddenly treats me like I have something to offer, like I can make things happen.
One morning, there's a knock on my door, and and she's holding this Joni Mitchell CD, tells me to listen to the song "If," based on the Rudyard Kipling poem.
Kipling says that if you endure long enough, you inherit the Earth, but Joni Mitchell says that that's bullshit, that young people need to wake up, fight.
She makes you cum in ways that you never thought possible.
She performs Reiki that cures your migraines.
She cries mid-story, and you think that you're the only one who's ever seen her tears.
And then, like the Sun, she sets on you, shines on someone else.
That's just what she does.
I've never had a migraine.
Lucky you.
Good news and bad news.
Bad news: your biological dad is no longer with us.
Sorry.
It was a car accident, though, not some scary genetic thing, so that's good.
That said, if you want to spit in a cup, I'm happy to go down that road for you.
Anyway, good news: I found your half brother.
And he's in Fresno, which is weird but great.
It's close.
[clears throat.]
And I mapped out some stuff for us to do along the way.
They've got yurts, three-star glamping.
No.
I thought you wanted this.
No.
Why would you think that? - Because you said.
- I didn't say.
Alex, this is my thing! Mine.
And you can't just fucking insert yourself.
This is when you leave.
[soft music.]
[sighs.]
Wow.
Don't get too excited; this is an intervention.
- Foreigner? - [laughs.]
Were you raised in a roller rink? - Guess what.
- What? You can use your regular voice.
Clark can sleep through anything.
Oh, I'm not doing this for Clark.
I've been told I sound like Harrison Ford when I speak in hushed tones.
[laughing.]
I'm sorry.
That's that's not even remotely true.
How dare you? Who told you that? Several people have told me.
Mm, I doubt it.
["Free Translator" by The Books.]
[light guitar music.]
THE BOOKS: And I see, and I see And I see, and I see And I see The hold-out boy and the weathergirl Know the wind moves in a patient way Like a two-decade day The man in the mouth of a drain Laughing and chewing erasers Like a black dog in the snow Write in relief and sleep again And you can't believe your eyes And you can't find your pen - The man in the hole - Is your new friend's friend Write in relief and sleep again And you get in the hole With your new friend's friend And he can't believe his eyes And he can't find his pen And the meteorological man With a whirlwind girl And a mote in the sun And a squid in a bag And a raccoon hat And a talking plant And a careful goat In a sewer system shaft And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see And I see, and I see And I see