Corner Gas (2004) s03e08 Episode Script

A little help, please? Am I that weak? It has nothing to do with strength.
It's all technique.
Oh, I just have these skinny little arms.
No, it's physics and leverage.
It's like arm wrestling.
I've beaten guys twice my size, I've been beaten by little guys.
Doesn't matter how big or skinny your arms are.
Really? Yeah.
Here, I'll show you.
Okay, well, if your arms are that skinny, it does matter.
You can tell me that your dog ran away Then tell me that it took three days I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say You think there's not a lot goin' on Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong And that's why you can stay so long Where there's not a lot goin' on What are you gonna do with a front-end loader? What, are you kidding me? I'm going to load things, from the front end.
You don't know how it works, do you? I appreciate the basic concept.
It can be used for unloading things, for example.
Hey, remember when were kids we had that tree house? Yeah.
It was a great tree house.
I wonder if it's still standing.
Sure it is.
How do you know? That tree house was such a big part of our childhood, if it had fallen down, part of me would just know it.
Plus I can see it right over there.
I'm worried about that guy.
Yeah, bacon andsausage.
That's a lot of cholesterol.
No.
I'm worried he might skip out on his bill.
He finished like an hour ago, but he keeps ordering coffee.
Don't worry.
You've got a police professional right here.
I'll monitor the situation.
There's a situation? We're worried that guy might dine and dash.
What guy? Police! Freeze! Good work, Starsky! Stop that guy! Aaah-oww-oww! This is the guy you meant, right? It's great to see you again, Peg, just great.
Oh, I don't get out to Saskatchewan much anymore.
But you have to make an exception when you get new grandkids.
Oh, what a cutie.
She'll break hearts.
For the fifth time, it's a boy.
Big hands, looks strong.
Well, I gotta get back to the madhouse.
A new baby, and the hot water heater's broken.
Oh.
I can fix that for ya.
Really? Sure.
You might want to hire a pro.
The last thing Oscar fixed was breakfast, and he broke the toaster.
And we weren't even having toast.
Nonsense.
It would be wonderful to have a man around.
Tomorrow afternoon? Great.
I'll be there with bells on.
Bells are nice.
Bring your tools too.
I'll see myself out.
Yeah.
Oh, that Peg, what a great gal.
Isn't she great? Seeing her again was just Great.
Was it great? Yeah.
Ugly baby, though.
I coulda swore that tree was bigger.
Yeah, it's just kind of a bush.
This is like a bush house.
Looks good, though.
Yeah, when I build somethin', it stays built.
I built it.
I built the rope ladder.
It's still there.
It's chain now.
Have you been secretly comin' here doin' renos? I don't think so.
Maybe I was sleepwalkin'.
Hey, get away from our tree house! Hey.
Hey, kids.
Are you using this tree house now? That's our tree house.
Oh, sure.
It just used to be ours.
Is that right? Yeah, well, we just came by to see it.
Well, now you saw it.
Hey, there's comics up here.
Don't pay any attention to him.
He sleepwalks.
That was amazing, the way you took that guy down.
Nothing to it, really.
I know, it's not strength.
It's leverage and physics.
No, it's strength.
And teamwork.
She took out the bad guy, you polished a car with your pants.
I put him in the cruiser afterwards.
That was kung fu, wasn't it? Where did you learn to kung fu? It's very difficult.
You have to make sure he doesn't bump his head.
You're my hero.
I wish I could kung fu like that.
It's just basic self defence.
And kung fu isn't a verb.
Once he's in the back of the cruiser, he's neutralized.
Neutralized? You take the stun gun to him? No.
There's a special latch.
He can't get out.
Could you teach me to kung fu? It's not a verb, but I could show you a few moves.
I could.
You can kung fu too? I could get out of the cop car.
You could not.
I'm gonna learn to kung fu.
Does she know what verb means? Wanda thinks she can get outta the cop car.
Unless I bump my head.
Don't laugh.
It happens.
Cute kids.
A little bossy.
It's great someone's still using that tree house.
Yeah, yeah.
Although, a chain ladder? I don't know if that's as good as rope ladder.
No.
I mean links could rust, links could hurt your fingers.
Leave link marks.
They were kinda bossy, weren't they? Little punks.
All right kids, it time you got out of our tree house.
Well, I don't think so.
You're comin' down one way or another! All right, let's not get confrontational.
Now, listen Ow! Was that pellet gun? You coulda shot my eye out! Yes, that is a risk.
All right, Hank.
It's time to get confrontational.
Hank? All right, at this point I'm gonna be running.
But don't mistake this for a victory.
He's just my ride, is all.
Ow! Ow! Okay, come at me.
What? Karen taught me a kung fu move.
Just-just swoop your arm at me.
If I was gonna attack ya, I'd sneak up on ya.
No, no.
You gotta attack me a certain way, 'cause I only know one move.
I don't swoop.
Idiots swoop.
I see.
Isn't that a BLT? And here I thought Emma didn't want ya eatin' bacon.
All right, all right.
I'm swoopin'.
Oh.
Okay So you got your black belt yet? You did it wrong.
Hey, idiot.
I thought I told you to clean out the car trunk.
Who put this sandwich here? I can't eat this.
Trunk, go.
So, Emma, everything all right? Why? Because I don't have a stupid smile pasted on my face Well, as long as everything's good.
You won't be able to get out.
There's a special latch.
Yeah? Well, I'm smarter than the average Ah-aaah! See? It happens.
I'll come back before you run out of air.
Bring some ice.
Hey, what's that, snow chains? They're old.
You want 'em? All right! Hey, Wanda, look what I scored, free chain.
Cool.
Where did ya get 'em? Well, Oscar was Hey.
I told you, I wanted ice.
Well, that was kind of embarrassing.
No one needs to know, rightThat's right.
We never talk about this again.
That was no fair.
They had a gun.
We coulda lost an eye.
Then no more fun and games.
Except for pirates.
A lot of pirates have just one eye and they have lotsa fun and games.
We should go back to the not talkin' about this.
Right, yeah.
That was our tree house, Brent.
True.
We built it of our own flesh and blood.
Not true, but I follow ya.
We can get it back.
To To defeat a child, you gotta think like a child.
You are uniquely qualified.
I have a plan.
Get outta here! Get outta here! Your plan sucked! Shoulda used cabbages! Oh.
If you're worried about things with Oscar, you shouldn't put out negative energy.
Subtext is very important in a relationship.
I'm sorry.
You've been married how long? I'm just sayin, you should try a little romance.
A little goes a long way.
Believe me, there's only a little and it's been a long way.
Okay.
Oooh! Thanks for cleaning out the trunk.
Just for that, I'll make a special dinner tonight.
Hot dog! Thanks again for the invite, Oscar.
The more the merrier.
Pass the carrots.
Come on, swoop at me.
No.
I have to watch Wanda not get out of the car.
She's not doin' anything.
She can't.
There's a latch.
Come on, swoop.
Is this gonna hurt? No.
You were right about it not hurting.
Oh, this kung fu bites.
I think you need to hook his elbow.
Yeah? Okay, let's try this again.
Get back in.
Come on.
Hey.
I think we're overlooking somethin' in this whole tree house battle.
Yeah, the fact that we're not 11.
No.
What's the one super power that adults have that kids don't? Laser eyes? Money.
Money's power, Brent.
Oh.
Is this where you try to borrow some power off me? No.
No, no.
Can I borrow 20 bucks for an unrelated thing? If you're gonna bribe 6 kids, you better make it 30.
Good point.
Watch the store, Houdini.
Yeah.
Please.
Do it again.
Come on, double or nothing.
Double or nothing what? We're not betting anything.
I thought it was just an expression.
When are you going to stop moving the spoons? What? The big spoons go in the space for the big spoons and the little spoons go in the little spoons space.
Can you handle that? I didn't know we had a spoon drawer.
Just stop it! Stop moving spoons! You're not really upset about spoons.
What's eatin' ya? Is this about the salad forks? You want to know why I'm upset? Peggy, that's why I'm upset.
She did somethin' to our spoons? You're a married man, Oscar! Aw, don't be ridiculous! I'm just goin' over there to fix her pipes.
Oh, come on! She's a grandma! She's a two years younger than you.
Yeah.
But I'm not gonna hit on a grandma.
Eew! You just watch yourself! And respect the spoon system! You move spoons too.
I've seen ya do it! Okay, 47.
50.
That's our final offer.
Interesting.
I'll run it past my people.
We await your decision.
No more of your stupid plans.
Time for my stupid plan.
Ah, yeah, that's right! Get your own tree house! Did you see the look on their faces? Oh, yeah.
Actually, no, I didn't, because the bucket was up.
Yeah, me neither.
But I bet they were all like, "Aaaaaagh!" Yeah, really.
"Aaaaaah!" Keep runnin'! Thank you for doing this.
My pleasure.
You remember Little Brent? Hasn't changed a bit.
You say you can kung fu, but your kung fu doesn't have much kung fu to it.
Your kung fu sucks.
I can kung fu.
I bet you can't do handcuffs.
Bet what? Nothin'.
It's just an expression.
I read up on this stuff.
I know how to get out of handcuffs.
You get outta these and we're even.
How are we not even now? Ow! She swooped at me! It should be comin' out hot soon.
Oh, thanks for doing this.
Oh, my pleasure.
We go back a long way.
Oh, we've had some good times.
Yeah.
They don't have to all be behind us.
What?Come on, Oscar.
You didn't really come over just to fix a water heater.
I did.
I really came over to fix it.
It should be fixed.
Please, let me fix the water heater.
Come on, Oscar.
It'll be hot soon.
We could make it hot right now.
Hey.
Thanks for the relationship advice.
Aw.
Emma had a romantic dinner with Oscar.
Oh.
How did it go? Oh, it was great.
Bottle of red wine, scented candles Peggy.
Peggy was there? Who's Peggy? Why'd you invite Peggy? I didn't invite her, Oscar did.
Who's Peggy? Why are you taking advice from me? I'm not married.
I'm not even in a relationship.
She's not even on the market.
I'm on the market.
I- I'm just not yeah, aw.
What? I'm not really on the market, am I? Oscar's over at her place right now.
He's at her place? You don't have to put up with that.
Lay down the law.
I will.
I'm going over there right now.
Thanks, Karen.
Who's Peggy? Come on, let's just go.
I'm finishin' the comic.
Take it with ya.
I can't just take their comic.
We took their tree house.
Uh-oh.
My boys tell me we have a little problem.
Maybe.
No.
Why? What have you heard? They got kicked out of their tree house.
Oh.
It was a bit of a misunder Ah, no need to apologize.
Boys will be boys.
How old are your kids? My kids? Oh.
Old enough to know better.
That's how old my kids are.
Yeah.
They don't listen.
Wait a minute.
You're Brent from the gas station, right? I didn't know you had kids.
Oh.
Well, they're my nephews, my brother's nephews.
Wouldn't your brother's nephews be your kids? Well, not technically, because I don't have a brother.
I mean Okay, Brent, I'm done.
That's Uncle Brent to you.
We have a two-for-one on toilet paper if you have the coupon.
No, no coupon.
You didn't happen to see a price on here, did ya? No.
Oh.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
Why? Ah, I don't know.
You bought your toilet paper.
Now move on.
I don't suppose you want to buy a hairpin or a small nail file? Well, feel free to burst in.
Where is he? Who? Oscar.
Oscar? Oscar's not here.
Then who's in the shower? You remember Marvin, from high school? I sat behind you in math class.
Oh, yeah.
Davis, can you take these handcuffs off? Handcuffs got ya beat, eh? I mean take them off the table! How did ya do that? Ah, a good magician never gives away her tricks.
That's why everybody hates magicians.
Here's your keys back.
Okay, now live up to your end of the deal.
Fine.
Hey, Lacey.
Learn any of that kung fu? Could you show me some moves? Well All right.
Swoop at me.
Okay.
Oh! I'm completely neutralized! Oh, I've never felt so neutralized! Oh! You're crushing my She's done now.
Wow! It finally worked.
My-my energy must be really aligned or something today.
This is even more impressive than you escaping from the cop car.
Too true.
Well.
You gotta get that latch fixed.
I'm on it.
Whoa.
Drop it.
After you're finished that, we got some logs to move.
All right.
But then we're even.
We'll see.
See? I told ya we'd find a use for this front-end loader.
Yeah.
When you're done there, get your old uncle a drink.
What's this? You were right about Peggy.
She was no good.
I just wanted to show ya that- that I appreciate you.
Oh, Oscar.
Mmm.
Aren't these the leftovers from the dinner I made you? Yeah.
Would you heat 'em up? I think I broke the oven.
You romantic.
Hey, these candles didn't light themselves.
Oh.
Closed Captioning by I don't know the same things you don't know I don't know I just don't know It's a great big place full of nothin' but space and it's my happy place I don't know Yes you do You just won't admit it Want to have a gas online? Visit us at cornergas.
com I don't know I just don't know