Curb Your Enthusiasm s03e08 Episode Script

- Whoo.
- Not bad, huh? That's not bad at all.
- That's official, know what I mean? - Yeah.
- Did you pick that out? - Yeah, yeah.
I got a matching earring too, right there.
That's nice, right? That says "true love" right there.
Now, I ain't into rapping too much, but when it pays for rocks like these, you got it.
You don't mind your daughter marrying a rap star? Oh, no, not at all.
Excuse me for one second.
Larry? Larry? Larry! Oh.
What are you doing? Stepping on some packing bubbles.
I know, but why are you doing that? Because it makes a fun kind of popping noise.
It's fun.
I know, we can hear you, that's why Why aren't you mixing in with people? Mingling? You know what? I'm gonna get going, I think.
I got to pick up a script at Jeff's house.
Jeff's house? I thought he was staying in a hotel.
No, they bought a new house.
It's right in the neighborhood.
They just moved in.
Oh! That was fast.
What about the dog? What happened? He's getting allergy shots now - And everything's fine? - Yeah.
- Wow, all right.
- So, I'm gonna go over there.
Just stay for 10 more minutes, okay? All right, fine.
I'm gonna run to the restroom, I'll meet you back.
- What's crackin', player? - How are you? I'm all right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm chilling, what's up? - Chilling.
Just chilling.
- You a writer, right? - Yeah.
I wrote some shit this morning.
I write my own lyrics and shit, you know what I mean? - Yeah.
- You want to help me out with it? - I've never written rap - That's all right.
- I want to see what you got.
- Okay, go ahead.
Check this shit out.
It's called "I'm Coming to Get You.
" "I'm Coming to Get You," okay.
"So you think you're gonna cross me and mess with my shit, Opening your fucking trap and flapping your lip? Don't fuck with me, nigga, or you're gonna get dropped, I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and pop.
" Oh, I like the Rice Krispies thing, yeah.
- You got that shit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- "Crackle and pop," of course.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"If you say anything, you'll beg me to die, 'Cause I'll make you suck my dick, then I'll nut in your eye.
I'll stomp on your world as if my name was Godzilla, I'm coming for you, motherfucker, I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa.
" You know? And I'm going to be like this in the video, like you know what I mean? I like it.
I got one tiny little comment.
What, what, what? I would lose the "motherfucker" at the end, 'cause you already said "fuck" once, you don't need two fucks.
You already got the one fuck.
I would change the "motherfucker" to "bitch.
" - Because the bitch - "I'm coming for you, bitch" Yes, because "bitch" is a word that you would use to somebody who you disrespect, right? Doesn't that sound - You my dawg.
You my nigga.
- I am your nigga.
Absolutely.
Yeah, that's right, player, that's right.
I like that shit.
Yeah, I like you, motherfucker.
Don't hit me.
Yeah, yeah.
Check it out.
You like eating pussy? You know, it's I'm a little I like it, I like it, but I'm a little too lazy to do it, you know? It's a whole to-do, you know? It hurts my neck.
- Yeah, I'm too lazy.
- You're too lazy to eat pussy? It hurts my neck.
I get too lazy to do that.
Oh, man, you got to eat the pussy, the cooch.
Oh shit, yeah.
You know what the best pussy is to eat? Asian pussy.
Krazee-Eyez Killa, you're getting married.
Wanda's, you know, you can't do that anymore.
No, I have to do that, motherfucker.
You know what I'm saying? I have to eat the pussy.
- Really? - I can't live without that shit.
- You have to eat the pussy? - Have to have different flavor pussy.
You got Wanda now.
You can't do it.
Wanda's gonna find out.
Wanda ain't gonna find out shit.
You my nigga, right? This is between me and you.
- Well, yes, I'm your nigger.
- How is she gonna find out? She ain't she gonna find out, is she? - Not from me.
Absolutely not.
- Right.
She ain't gonna find out.
- She's not gonna find out.
- Right, right, right.
All right, Krazee-Eyez Killa, I got to take off.
I got to pick up a script at my friend's house.
All right, nice to see you.
Give me some.
Yeah, yeah.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Welcome, welcome.
- Welcome to the neighborhood.
Good to be in the neighborhood.
Look at this.
I just go where the wife tells me to go.
Yeah, well, don't we all? Look at this place.
- Amazing.
- Hold on.
I got the script for you.
Read it, tell me what you think and we'll see what happens.
- Hey, Lar? Huh? - Hey, hey, yeah.
- Is this something? - Yeah, congratulations.
- Thank you.
- That's wonderful.
- We're so happy here, aren't we, honey? - We sure are.
So come on, I'll give you the tour.
You know what? that's okay.
- I get it.
- What do you mean? You know, it's bedrooms, bathrooms I get it.
I see it, it's beautiful, it's great.
You don't want a tour? You don't need to walk me around Get the fuck out of my house, okay? Get the fuck out right now! All right, fine, I'll take the house tour.
No, no, I'm done, I'm over it.
I'm turned off.
Leave! Get the fuck out, okay? Freak of fucking nature, doesn't want a house tour.
Susie, I'll take the house tour.
No, no! No tour for you.
We'll have lunch tomorrow, don't forget.
Okay, lunch tomorrow.
- Larry? Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Well, what'd you think of that party? That was fun, wasn't it? Fun? I don't know.
Was it fun? It was very fun.
Did you get to talk to Krazee-Eyez? Yeah, we had a nice little conversation.
He's something else, isn't he? Quite a character.
Loves the ladies.
- To say the least.
- To say the least.
Yeah, he really gets around.
- Oh, yeah, you know? - Yeah.
I mean, everybody knows.
Everybody knows? You're kidding.
- Wanda knows? - Yeah.
That's not how he presented it to me.
Well, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, everybody knows that he likes to flirt with the women.
Why? What was he telling you? No, that you know, he likes to What did he tell you? Was he telling you about women? - Come on, Cheryl.
What? - Oh my God.
Is he fooling around on Wanda? All right oh my God.
I don't know what he's doing, okay? Oh my God.
You know, this doesn't surprise me, I'm - What? - I'm gonna call her You're gonna what? He told you he's fooling around with other women.
But you're not gonna call Wanda now? Of course I am.
She's engaged to him.
I don't care.
He'll blame me.
You can't do that.
You know what he's gonna do? Have you heard his lyrics? Huh? "If you betray me, you're gonna die"? "You'll suck on my dick, I'll put a nut in your eye"? That's a nice scenario for me.
So, do me a favor That's a song.
This is real life, okay? - Yeah, I understand.
- This is Wanda's real life.
I understand.
You want to tell her, go ahead.
I'm gonna tell you something, okay? - You say one word to her - Larry, she's my best friend.
I will be in Antarctica.
That's how far away I will be from Southern California.
You're that scared of Krazee-Eyez that you'd flee the country? Yeah, I am, yes, I am! I want to live, I want to have both legs.
I want to have my penis, all right, and my testicles intact.
This is her life, okay? She's starting a whole new life with this guy This is my life and I'd like to live it by not going into handicapped parking.
Hey, tomorrow, the reshoot for the Scorsese movie.
You're all hip to it? You're good? - Yeah.
- Okay.
The wardrobe people wanted you to bring the jacket.
The cream-colored jacket with blue stitching.
She left a message on the machine, I got it.
All right, good.
I don't want to make a big deal about this.
- I'm gonna mention it, and that's it.
- What did I do now? It wouldn't have killed you to have taken the house tour.
I feel very queer taking house tours.
Queer? My wife shows you the house I gotta go, "Oh, that's nice" - Did you have to go somewhere? - No.
All right, you know what? "Hey, look at that closet! Nice beams up there.
I like those beams.
What's the name of that architect?" Good coffee.
It is good coffee.
Pretend this is a commercial.
Watch me do this as a commercial, okay? Boy, that's really good coffee.
Cheryl! What? What? God damn it! What is up with the bubbles?! Take it easy.
What are you screaming about? I'm tired of listening to these things pop all over.
I just found these.
I'll pop 'em today and be done with it.
What's what's wrong? Where's that cream-colored jacket with the blue stitching? Oh the really ugly one with the hole in it? - Yeah, the one from the movie.
- I threw it away.
You threw it away? What do you mean you threw it away? You're weren't gonna wear it.
It had a hole in it.
It's hideous.
Of course it had a hole in it, that's where I got shot.
I need it for the reshoot.
I didn't know you were gonna need it.
Do you know what this means? All kinds of problems this is causing because there's a reshoot now, and this jacket's been established in other scenes I think it was from Mitchell's.
I saw the tag, - "Mitchell's on Melrose.
" - Mitchell's on Melrose.
Okay.
That's not working.
- This really works.
- Yeah, well, it looks great.
I can't believe you still had this thing.
Actually, that's the last one we've got.
Oh, man, you are saving me.
I desperately needed this to do this reshoot on this movie.
Well, great, you're in luck.
Here, I'll take it.
If you want to look at some other stuff, we'll get that ready for you over here.
Okay, I kind of like this thing.
I like what is this? Oh, this is an extra large.
Let me see, it might not fit.
- It's a great sweater too.
- Nah, way too big.
Is that it? You don't have any more? It only comes in that size, I'm sorry.
I'll tell you what, I'll fold that up for you - and we can get you rung up over there.
- That's okay, I got it.
- I can take care of it.
- No, no problem.
Actually, I kind of need to take care of it.
We have a very specific way that we fold things so I'll take care of it, okay? It's not that complicated.
I can do it.
It's not that complicated? Actually, it is a little complicated.
- This is complicated? - Yeah, it's a little complicated.
There's a specific way we need to can you let go? Okay, thank you.
You're stretching it out now.
It's not a scoop neck, it's actually a v-neck.
Thank you.
I've got it.
All right, well, I'm sorry for trying to help you out.
Well, you weren't helping me out.
You're actually stretching out you're damaging merchandise.
- Boy, you really got it down.
- Yeah, I did get it down, okay? I never could have done that.
That's so hard to do.
Actually, I'm gonna ask you to leave.
I don't need to be insulted in my own store.
I'm gonna ask you to leave, okay? All right, I'll just take the jacket and I don't think you're going to take the jacket.
Have a nice day.
I don't like to be insulted in my own store.
Hey, you insulted me, I didn't insult you.
I was trying to help you.
How many people come in here and fold a sweater? - No one does, actually.
- No one's considerate enough to do it.
I'm considerate enough to do it.
It's not an issue of consideration.
Actually, you're insulting me, that's why you're not getting the jacket.
I wasn't insulting you, I was trying to help you.
Trying to help me by making extra work for me.
Thanks a lot.
Come on, I'll just give you the credit card.
You're not gonna buy the jacket.
- Don't sell it until I say so.
- Don't be an asshole.
I'm not being an asshole.
You're being an asshole, that's why I'd like you to leave, okay? Thank you.
Thanks a lot, have a good day.
And by the way, don't try to send any friends in here to buy the jacket, 'cause I'm not selling it to anyone.
You think I'd send anybody to this piece of shit store? There is something I have to tell you.
Krazee-Eyez is cheating on you.
What?! How do you know? Larry told me.
That cheating son of a bitch, I'm gonna kick his ass.
Are you gonna tell him that Larry told you? You goddamn right I am.
Yeah, I think it's Knox Road and Silver Lake.
Um, "Killer.
" Yeah, that's the last name.
"Krazee-Eyez.
" There might be a hyphen in that.
Well, "Krazee," I guess is the first name, unless the whole last name is "Krazee-Eyez Killer.
" K-R-A-Z Y, "Krazy-Eyez.
" What about an "H" at the end of "Killa"? Did you try that? "K-l-L-L-A-H"? What about the "Z"? "Eyez"? E-Y-E-Z? Is that possible? No, no, that's an optometry place.
Okay, all right, thank you.
- What the fuck you doing? - Hey.
Where's my nigga? Where's my nigga? There's my motherfucking nigga right there.
Get your ass in here.
All right.
Larry-fucking-David! God damn! You came to see my motherfucking shit, didn't you? Krazee-Eyez I'm supposed to meet Cheryl and Wanda.
Do you have any idea where they went? Fuck I think D said something about "tea bags"? - Is that right? - Yeah thanks, Krazee.
Hey, hey, what's up man? Where you going? You just got here, nigga.
Don't you want a tour of the house? You want a tour of the house, don't you? You want a tour? Come on motherfucker, come on! Yeah, that's right.
Come on, yeah, Larry-fucking-David.
Okay, yeah.
See this shit, this is the dining room, you know? - This is where you eat.
- Yeah, we do our dining here and shit.
We got some got a table, a dining room table.
You got some chairs and shit.
You know what I mean? We got us some lamps and shit.
We got the floor, you know what I mean? It's made out of some floor shit, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, it's floor shit.
- We got some steps right here.
Got four of these motherfuckers.
I wanted three, but I was like, four is better.
- Four steps, uh-huh.
- We got a door here and a door there.
We got rooms all over this motherfucker.
You know what I mean? Yo, check it.
You like this shit? The Oriental room and shit? All the shit go down right there.
The bed's a lot smaller than I would have thought.
Maybe I will get a bigger bed.
I can have three or four motherfuckers in there.
Know what I'm saying? A whole harem of motherfuckers.
You got to have three or four motherfuckers in there.
- You a motherfucking pimp, ain't you? - I don't think I am.
You are a pimp.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I want You got a garbage can? I gotta No, you can throw that shit anywhere.
I got someone to clean up after.
Go ahead, throw it.
- Toss it.
- Okay.
Toss the motherfucker.
See? There you go.
Watch this shit.
Yo, Delicious! Delicious! Tell Matilda to come in here and clean this shit up.
And bring me an Alizé.
Do you want something, brother? No, thank you.
I actually kind of got to What's up? You like some shit? What? I have the exact same jacket.
But I mean, I lost it, but l you don't understand.
I'm supposed to wear this in this movie tomorrow.
Hey, it's cool, man.
You all excited and shit.
You want to try it on? Go try it on, I don't give a shit.
No, but this is unbelievable because I lost the jacket.
Try the fucking jacket on, man.
Holy shit, I can't even believe this.
I'm thinking about putting a plasma screen on the fucking ceiling and have "Scarface" like, 24-7.
Let me see.
- Oh, you official.
- This is amazing.
- This is amazing.
- I like that shit.
You like it? - All right.
- It's yours.
- Get out of here.
- Fuck it.
Fuck it, I don't need it.
I got plenty of shit right here.
Krazee-Eyez, I don't know what to say.
This is unbelievable.
You don't have to say shit.
We roll like that, you know what I mean? - Are you my Caucasian? - I'm your man! - Are you my Caucasian? - I'm your fucking Caucasian.
- All right.
- All right, all right.
You know what? Honest to God.
I love the crib, it's fantastic.
You know what? My wife's gonna kick my ass.
- I got to get out of here.
- Oh, shit, you got to go? - Yeah, I got to go.
- Oh, man, I know how that shit is.
I know how that shit is.
Don't let her fuck with you.
- You all right? - Yeah, I'm gonna sneeze, but thank you.
Yo, Delicious! Get a tissue, my man's gonna sneeze.
Delicious! There's no discussion Hey.
Hi, Barbara.
What are you doing here? Just came to see you, you know.
- Why? - Hi Wanda.
Hey, Larry.
I just didn't like the way things ended with us earlier How did you know we were here? I went to Krazee-Eyez and he told me.
You went to that son of a bitch's house? Do you know he's cheating on me? That no-good cock-eyed bastard.
Cheating.
I know.
He's fucking around, Larry.
My husband is dead and I wouldn't fuck around.
Did you interrupt those bunch of sluts up there and everything? A big fuckfest going on, Larry? No, no fuckfest.
Just Delicious, that's all.
He's cheating on me, Larry.
Have you told him yet that you know? No, but I'm going to.
I'm gonna tell him that and a few other things.
When he asks you how you know, what are you gonna say? I'm gonna tell him I heard.
Heard from who? I heard from somebody, I just "Somebody"? Don't you think you should be a little specific? What difference does it make? Why do you give a shit? I think you need to tell him who you heard it from, otherwise he could think the wrong person told you, - and that would be bad.
- Bad for who? For that wrong person.
I don't give a fuck about the "wrong person.
" This doesn't make any sense No, you got to care about the wrong person! The wrong person is an innocent person.
He's the wrong person for cheating on me, all right? That's the wrong motherfucker right there, okay? Maybe we should dance.
You want to dance? It's a slow song.
- No, I don't think so.
- Why? We never get to dance.
Yeah, I don't want to.
I can't right now.
I can't.
You dumb ass, can't you see she is liquored up, horny? Thank you.
- And you"Oh, I don't want" - "I don't want to dance with my wife.
" I'm sorry.
Fuck this, I'm going over there now.
I'm not sitting here jabbering with y'all Don't tell him who told you and just kick his ass.
"My friend so-and-so told me.
" - I'm gonna tell him I heard.
- "I heard from so-and-so.
" He thinks he can go around L.
A.
just eating pussy left and right? No, uh-uh, you don't do that to me.
I'm out of here.
Wait, wait, wait.
Larry, walk Wanda out to her car.
- That's a good idea.
- What am I, a deterrent? - It's a bad neighborhood.
- So, what am I gonna do? - Larry? - I'm in here.
Oh, Barbara is a talker.
- Have you noticed that? - Yeah, a little bit.
Why wouldn't you dance with me? I didn't want to upset the widow.
What about upsetting your wife, for one dance? Have you ever seen the look on a widow's face when couples are dancing? They're with a friend, then all of a sudden - the friend starts dancing - What's the look? - What's the look? - They get depressed.
I think just one dance she would've been okay.
You're really drunk, aren't you? - No.
- Huh? Listen to you.
- You're completely slurring your words.
- No, I'm not.
I have a question.
Yeah, I got a couple of questions myself.
Okay, first of all, you didn't you didn't tell her, right? Wanda? - I told you I didn't tell her.
- I know, I know.
The David promise.
I didn't tell her.
Yeah, a "David promise" is worthless.
- It's really no good? - It doesn't mean anything.
I have a question.
What did you tell Krazee-Eyez about oral sex? - Oh.
- Yeah.
What did you say? What did you say? Why were you talking I just can't even believe that.
- Boy, that guy.
- That guy?! Yeah, what is he talking to Wanda about that for? We were having a private conversation.
What did Wanda tell you? What did you tell Krazee-Eyez? I don't, you know do we need to discuss this? I'm just curious.
Well, we were just You don't want to do it? No, it hurts my neck sometimes, that's all I said.
- It hurts your neck? - Sometimes it hurts my neck.
- That's all I said.
- You think that's appropriate talk at a party with someone that you hardly even know? - He started it.
- Is that appropriate? What was I supposed to do? Say it's inappropriate? "Krazee-Eyez, I think that subject's a little inappropriate for me, I'm sorry.
" Holy shit, what is that? Who's that? - Ask who it is.
- Who is it? It's Killa! Hold on a second.
Come on.
Hey, where's Larry at? Larry! Oh, oh, shit.
He popping them fucking Larry, I hear you popping those fucking bubbles.
Get your ass down here! Hey, Larry! Hey, what the fuck? Motherfucker, what the fuck? Motherfucker, what the fuck? - What, Krazee-Eyez? - Wanda fucking left me, man.
- What the fuck you say? - I didn't say anything.
I know you said something, motherfucker.
- No, Krazee-Eyez.
- You told, didn't you? - No, I swear to God.
- I thought we were "cool-de-la," man.
- I'm cool-de-la.
- We ain't cool-de-la? - No, we are cool-de-la.
- Motherfucker, get my jacket.
- Krazee-Eyez - Get don't make me come up there.
You fine, you know that? Krazee.
How you gonna throw the jacket at me, motherfucker? How you gonna throw the jacket at me? You ain't got no etiquette, motherfucker.
Man - Krazee-Eyez, l - I love that girl, man.
- I'm sorry.
- Well, you didn't act like it.
- What? - You don't know.
That's not how you treat somebody you love.
- Don't pay attention to her.
- That's not how you treat somebody.
I thought you were my nigga.
You ain't my nigga.
- I'm your nigga.
- You ain't shit.
- Krazee-Eyez - No, no, fuck that shit.
I have no jacket for tomorrow, that's great.
But my neck is feeling pretty good.
Oh my God, what are you doing? What is wait, what's going on? I think I swallowed a pubic hair.
Oh, God.
Yeah, jump in, anytime.
Hey, Larry.
Hi, how are you? Good.
Joe, good to see you.
Welcome to L.
A.
Listen, you know, I lived here for a while, but I was asked to leave.
- Hey I got a little problem.
- What's the matter? I don't have the jacket for the scene, you know? - The one with the light the light - The blue squares.
The window box designs.
You don't have it? - What happened? - The beige one.
My wife threw it out.
Your wife threw it out? Excuse me, but how did your wife get the jacket? The wardrobe woman must've somehow misplaced it The thing is, obviously I can't reshoot the whole scene.
I just can't do that, we're killing the studio would say, I don't think Joe, what do It's okay, Marty.
I have a back-up jacket.
Perfect, okay, here we are, beautiful, perfect.
Thank you, thank you.
How did this get here? I have back-up for all my wardrobe.
Well, why did you tell me to make sure to bring my jacket? It's part of my wardrobe.
You're not supposed to take any wardrobe home.
Then how did you get it? You took it home.
I wanted you to bring it back.
- But I have an extra one.
- Good, okay.
Thank you, Wendy, thank you, thank you.
All right, we got the jacket, that's it.
Do you know the aggravation this woman caused me? I don't understand how the hell she could've given you a jacket to take home, number one.
I don't get it.
Well, then she gave me the impression that was the only jacket.
I was in possession of the only jacket.
- She made me think it was the only one.
- All right, we got the jacket.
- You understand what I'm saying? - I understand.
We got the jacket, let's forget it.
We go, get into make-up, we go.
That's it.
Why did she put it in with my stuff? He's gonna kill me, this guy.
Unbelievable.
What does he mean, she gave him the jacket - to put in what is this? - It'll be all right.
Which way? Do I make a left over here? Yeah, just down the corner to the left.
How many more scenes do we have with him? You should've seen that cocksucker's face when I took out that knife.
He said to me, he said, "You don't got no call.
" lmagine that? "You don't got no call"? I said, "I had call yesterday I got call today, And I'll have call tomorrow.
- What the hell is that? - He's choking.
Cut it, cut!