Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s03e08 Episode Script
Doogstruck
So you're a freshman at ucla? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
That must be fun.
It is fun Sometimes Really fun.
And You're a doctor? Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
You're bored.
No, no, I'm not.
I'm boring you.
I can tell.
No, really, you're not.
It's o.
K.
You can tell me.
I'm not going to be devastated or anything.
If you're bored, just say so.
But I'm not.
I'm not bored.
I'm not.
O.
K.
? O.
K.
You're irritated.
I know I shouldn't say this, but you're really cute.
Thank you.
After dinner, wouldn't it be great to sing a madrigal or two? It's just so great to be with somebody I can be myself with, someone who I don't have to explain everything to.
If we don't have anything to say, we can just sit here and not say anything, and that's o.
K.
You really understand me.
We got to get you a woman.
No, trying to find a woman is my problem.
I take them out, we sit there, smiling Just nodding and smiling.
I get home, my cheeks hurt from smiling.
With Wanda, it was magic.
There were moments where I would look at her, and I felt like Like the whole world was spinning around us.
Hmmph.
I'm never going to feel that way again.
I'm 18 years old.
There's nothing ahead of me but this boring, empty life that just keeps going on and on and on until, finally, I die, a bitter, miserable, broken, lonely old man.
So does that mean you're not going to finish the potstickers? Yeah, I'll take ya.
I'll take ya, and I'll beat ya.
Do you know who I am? I got a pretty good idea.
Yeah.
Let's not waste any time.
The class is right.
Death Talk about passe.
I mean, they're right, this is puerile.
Film school Who was I kidding? I don't even know what puerile means.
Maybe the class was wrong.
Otto preminger's cameraman's nephew is in my class.
I mean, who am I to argue with people like that? My career's washed up.
My life's been a total waste.
I probably should have never been born.
I thought that was me.
What, just 'cause Wanda dumped you? At least you got a career.
At least you got a love life.
My ex-love life's in Chicago, fraternizing with sensitive artists.
Tomorrow's her birthday.
Who knows who she'll be going out with? You! Yeah, right.
No, I'm serious, doog.
Look, drastic times require drastic moves, o.
K.
? You got to fight to get Wanda back.
I mean, think of the romantic possibilities.
Jump in a car, drive like a madman, tomorrow morning, Wanda gets a knock on her door.
She opens it "Doogie! You mad, impetuous thing!" She swoons in your arms.
Then you spend the entire day alone with Wanda, felt hours of your life.
Yeah.
I show up around shower her with roses, take her out to breakfast, a walk on the beach, a whirlwind afternoon in the city, then an intimate dinner Candlelight.
Come on.
Talk about it in the car.
What, you're coming? from the sight of my humiliation.
My muse what a beast.
Ha ha! Shouldn't we pack or something? I'm way ahead of you.
We're really doing this? We're really driving halfway across country with nothing but a toothbrush? Realistically, we should get a tune-up Doog, love waits for no tune-ups.
Love waits for no packing.
Love races down the open road.
Reckless and wild.
Ready to take your woman back.
Yes! "Love waits for no tune-ups.
" Maybe if we'd figured out what we were doing, we wouldn't be stranded out here.
Like packing would have helped.
Then we'd be stranded with fresh underwear.
We'll never make it to Chicago by 8 A.
M.
My whole plan is ruined.
So we overheated.
We'll just find some help, that's all.
Ah My head My head is pounding.
If we leave in two hours, we'll be in Chicago by 10:00.
Instead of a sit-down breakfast, we'll get doughnuts.
Every organ in my body's pounding! We'll walk on the beach and eat doughnuts.
I can't go on.
We've only been walking eight minutes.
My eyeballs are throbbing.
That's a key symptom of heatstroke, isn't it? Throbbing eyeballs? Just shut up and walk.
I'm going to die out here! I'm going to die a failure! The only trace of me left in this world will be a movie that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
No, I'm the one that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
O.
K.
, ants! Rise up from your anthills and feast! Pick my bones clean.
You boys use a tow? Mmm Oh I thought you said it was just a broken water hose.
Broken water hose leaked down, could have blown your head gasket.
How long will it take to fix it? Ballpark Couple of hours.
Five, Max.
Five hours.
Five hours! Outer limits Maybe six.
Six hours.
We're going to be stuck here in the middle of nowhere for six hours, the most intensely felt six hours of our lives.
What? Like I was supposed to know you car wasn't fit to drive? It was till you dragged me out here.
Some romantic gesture.
I show up in Wanda's room at 5 P.
M.
, no time to buy flowers.
Should I give her this? Oral-b.
Nice brush.
Firm bristle? I know your birthday was a month ago, Wanda.
It's just that walking here was kind of time-consuming.
I would have been here sooner, but it took me hours and hours to drown Vinnie in the Mississippi.
O.
K.
, just calm down.
Calm down.
Oh, god, are you o.
K.
? You almost hit me.
I would have been dead.
Sorry.
I stuck my head out the window to look at the moon.
Watch where you're going before you kill someone.
I said I was sorry.
What kind of idiot wears a walkman in the desert anyway? What kind of jerk drives with her head out the window? You're right, I'm wrong.
Just shoot me.
No, no.
I'll make it easy for you.
Go on.
The keys are in the ignition.
Oh, great.
My second desert suicide today.
Wait a minute.
This has happened to you today already? Oh, boy, you have had a lousy day, haven't you? Blame it on the moon.
That'll work.
I love it when the moon comes out during the day.
I mean, it's day.
What if the sun came out at night? Everybody would freak.
I would.
Wouldn't you? Probably.
It'd be cool as hell, though.
I mean, what if the earth hit some kind of divot in space and its spinning got screwed up? Stuff like that's happened.
It'd probably trigger cataclysmic weather changes.
Totally mess up time.
Start off a new ice age.
Kill us all! O.
K.
, bad idea.
I'm Shannon Nichols, by the way.
Doogie howser.
Are you here for the lunar eclipse tonight? An eclipsed moon at its perigee.
At its perigee? You're an astronomer? No, in training.
This year, I'm studying out of taos, next year, Finland.
The year after, java.
Then, for five amazing months, a barge through Antarctica.
Can you imagine? Must be an entirely different sky.
Oh, it is, it is.
You want to watch the eclipse with me tonight? Oh, tonight? I'm going to be out of here tonight.
Why? Where are you headed? Oh Chicago.
Listen, it was really great meeting you.
I got to go check on my car.
Enjoy your eclipse.
Taxidermy by mail? Well, it, uh, seemed like such a waste just to bury all those road kills.
I like to flatter myself that, uh You can hardly tell where the tire tracks were.
Yeah.
Beautiful work.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
, so you got a career plus taxidermy as a fall-back position.
What about me, huh? Now that my film career is deader than rocky raccoon over there? Try this one on for size.
"The exciting new world of air conditioner repair"? It's the career of the future.
It's you.
Oh, god, take me now.
Take me swiftly.
So, what's the story? Just about through.
Just have to install the new head gasket.
Great.
How long will that take? Shop in barstow's sending one on the 6 A.
M.
bus.
You don't have one? For a '57 Chevy? I want to I want to share this Oscar with my buddy Marty scorsese Thank my loyal wife Uma thurman.
Love brings such misery and pain how am I supposed to live without you? Uhh! I haven't missed the eclipse, have I? Oh, hi.
No.
The moon's well into the umbra, but it won't be total for another half an hour.
I realize that I blathered on and on this afternoon about myself, and I didn't even ask about you.
Where do you go to school? I don't.
Actually, I'm a doctor.
Right.
And I'm Carl sagan.
No.
I am.
Really.
I finished school early.
What, you were 10? You graduated high school when you were 9? Yeah.
And I thought I was a nerd.
I was 15.
That was bad enough.
Actually, the worst was being 10 when everybody else was 13.
All the girls in my class were smoking and Wearing bras and hanging out in the bathroom moussing their hair.
When everyone else was 13, I was 6.
Still chugging around the playground pretending you were a car? And doing quadratic equations in my head.
I'd list the stars.
I thought I was the only kid weird enough to do that.
Guess not.
Let me guess.
Another mail order course.
Uh Nine years ago, some guy wanted 500 bucks to make my neon sign.
I figured I'd do it myself.
What's this, another sign? Uh, it's just, it's nothing.
It's I just get into it sometimes, that's all.
Kind of making some stuff to look at.
Like what? You don't want to see.
You'd just laugh.
No, I won't.
I swear.
Well O.
K.
Holy Sam, this is amazing.
It's incredible.
This is like like Art.
Get out of here.
No, no.
All these colors.
It's like a kaleidoscope of light.
You're an artist.
Yeah? Most people think I'm nuts.
They just don't know how to look at it.
If other people don't get it, it's their loss.
I mean, look at it.
If you like it from this angle, you are going to love it Like this.
This is the work as it was intended to be viewed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you tilt your head way back like this, it gets all fuzzy around the edges.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you slowly turn your head back and forth like this Yeah.
Yeah.
O.
K.
I've got it in focus.
Here.
Look at the edges of one of The craters.
I forgot what I was saying.
Me, too.
This is it.
We're in totality.
Oh, you've got to see this.
Wow.
Isn't it amazing? There didn't have to be a universe at all.
Even if there did have to be one, it didn't have to be so beautiful.
But it is.
It's so beautiful.
And here, in all of outer space with all the places the sun, earth, and moon could be, they're right here In perfect alignment.
Isn't it a miracle? But it can't last Just tonight.
Yeah, but maybe it's enough that it happens at all One bright, shining moment.
And the really miraculous thing is that it'll happen again and again.
So, where were you last night anyway? Oh, watching a lunar eclipse.
Howser, what are you doing? Chicago's the other way.
I decided going to Chicago isn't that important after all.
Must have been some eclipse.
Hey, I got this amazing idea for a new movie.
I thought you'd given up filmmaking.
What, because some jerks didn't like my movie? I'm an artist.
People don't like my movies, that's their loss.
My movie's not just going to have death, but death's whole family Sisters, uncles, cousins.
They all get together and play air hockey.
Huh? What do you think?
Uh-huh.
That must be fun.
It is fun Sometimes Really fun.
And You're a doctor? Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
You're bored.
No, no, I'm not.
I'm boring you.
I can tell.
No, really, you're not.
It's o.
K.
You can tell me.
I'm not going to be devastated or anything.
If you're bored, just say so.
But I'm not.
I'm not bored.
I'm not.
O.
K.
? O.
K.
You're irritated.
I know I shouldn't say this, but you're really cute.
Thank you.
After dinner, wouldn't it be great to sing a madrigal or two? It's just so great to be with somebody I can be myself with, someone who I don't have to explain everything to.
If we don't have anything to say, we can just sit here and not say anything, and that's o.
K.
You really understand me.
We got to get you a woman.
No, trying to find a woman is my problem.
I take them out, we sit there, smiling Just nodding and smiling.
I get home, my cheeks hurt from smiling.
With Wanda, it was magic.
There were moments where I would look at her, and I felt like Like the whole world was spinning around us.
Hmmph.
I'm never going to feel that way again.
I'm 18 years old.
There's nothing ahead of me but this boring, empty life that just keeps going on and on and on until, finally, I die, a bitter, miserable, broken, lonely old man.
So does that mean you're not going to finish the potstickers? Yeah, I'll take ya.
I'll take ya, and I'll beat ya.
Do you know who I am? I got a pretty good idea.
Yeah.
Let's not waste any time.
The class is right.
Death Talk about passe.
I mean, they're right, this is puerile.
Film school Who was I kidding? I don't even know what puerile means.
Maybe the class was wrong.
Otto preminger's cameraman's nephew is in my class.
I mean, who am I to argue with people like that? My career's washed up.
My life's been a total waste.
I probably should have never been born.
I thought that was me.
What, just 'cause Wanda dumped you? At least you got a career.
At least you got a love life.
My ex-love life's in Chicago, fraternizing with sensitive artists.
Tomorrow's her birthday.
Who knows who she'll be going out with? You! Yeah, right.
No, I'm serious, doog.
Look, drastic times require drastic moves, o.
K.
? You got to fight to get Wanda back.
I mean, think of the romantic possibilities.
Jump in a car, drive like a madman, tomorrow morning, Wanda gets a knock on her door.
She opens it "Doogie! You mad, impetuous thing!" She swoons in your arms.
Then you spend the entire day alone with Wanda, felt hours of your life.
Yeah.
I show up around shower her with roses, take her out to breakfast, a walk on the beach, a whirlwind afternoon in the city, then an intimate dinner Candlelight.
Come on.
Talk about it in the car.
What, you're coming? from the sight of my humiliation.
My muse what a beast.
Ha ha! Shouldn't we pack or something? I'm way ahead of you.
We're really doing this? We're really driving halfway across country with nothing but a toothbrush? Realistically, we should get a tune-up Doog, love waits for no tune-ups.
Love waits for no packing.
Love races down the open road.
Reckless and wild.
Ready to take your woman back.
Yes! "Love waits for no tune-ups.
" Maybe if we'd figured out what we were doing, we wouldn't be stranded out here.
Like packing would have helped.
Then we'd be stranded with fresh underwear.
We'll never make it to Chicago by 8 A.
M.
My whole plan is ruined.
So we overheated.
We'll just find some help, that's all.
Ah My head My head is pounding.
If we leave in two hours, we'll be in Chicago by 10:00.
Instead of a sit-down breakfast, we'll get doughnuts.
Every organ in my body's pounding! We'll walk on the beach and eat doughnuts.
I can't go on.
We've only been walking eight minutes.
My eyeballs are throbbing.
That's a key symptom of heatstroke, isn't it? Throbbing eyeballs? Just shut up and walk.
I'm going to die out here! I'm going to die a failure! The only trace of me left in this world will be a movie that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
No, I'm the one that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
O.
K.
, ants! Rise up from your anthills and feast! Pick my bones clean.
You boys use a tow? Mmm Oh I thought you said it was just a broken water hose.
Broken water hose leaked down, could have blown your head gasket.
How long will it take to fix it? Ballpark Couple of hours.
Five, Max.
Five hours.
Five hours! Outer limits Maybe six.
Six hours.
We're going to be stuck here in the middle of nowhere for six hours, the most intensely felt six hours of our lives.
What? Like I was supposed to know you car wasn't fit to drive? It was till you dragged me out here.
Some romantic gesture.
I show up in Wanda's room at 5 P.
M.
, no time to buy flowers.
Should I give her this? Oral-b.
Nice brush.
Firm bristle? I know your birthday was a month ago, Wanda.
It's just that walking here was kind of time-consuming.
I would have been here sooner, but it took me hours and hours to drown Vinnie in the Mississippi.
O.
K.
, just calm down.
Calm down.
Oh, god, are you o.
K.
? You almost hit me.
I would have been dead.
Sorry.
I stuck my head out the window to look at the moon.
Watch where you're going before you kill someone.
I said I was sorry.
What kind of idiot wears a walkman in the desert anyway? What kind of jerk drives with her head out the window? You're right, I'm wrong.
Just shoot me.
No, no.
I'll make it easy for you.
Go on.
The keys are in the ignition.
Oh, great.
My second desert suicide today.
Wait a minute.
This has happened to you today already? Oh, boy, you have had a lousy day, haven't you? Blame it on the moon.
That'll work.
I love it when the moon comes out during the day.
I mean, it's day.
What if the sun came out at night? Everybody would freak.
I would.
Wouldn't you? Probably.
It'd be cool as hell, though.
I mean, what if the earth hit some kind of divot in space and its spinning got screwed up? Stuff like that's happened.
It'd probably trigger cataclysmic weather changes.
Totally mess up time.
Start off a new ice age.
Kill us all! O.
K.
, bad idea.
I'm Shannon Nichols, by the way.
Doogie howser.
Are you here for the lunar eclipse tonight? An eclipsed moon at its perigee.
At its perigee? You're an astronomer? No, in training.
This year, I'm studying out of taos, next year, Finland.
The year after, java.
Then, for five amazing months, a barge through Antarctica.
Can you imagine? Must be an entirely different sky.
Oh, it is, it is.
You want to watch the eclipse with me tonight? Oh, tonight? I'm going to be out of here tonight.
Why? Where are you headed? Oh Chicago.
Listen, it was really great meeting you.
I got to go check on my car.
Enjoy your eclipse.
Taxidermy by mail? Well, it, uh, seemed like such a waste just to bury all those road kills.
I like to flatter myself that, uh You can hardly tell where the tire tracks were.
Yeah.
Beautiful work.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
, so you got a career plus taxidermy as a fall-back position.
What about me, huh? Now that my film career is deader than rocky raccoon over there? Try this one on for size.
"The exciting new world of air conditioner repair"? It's the career of the future.
It's you.
Oh, god, take me now.
Take me swiftly.
So, what's the story? Just about through.
Just have to install the new head gasket.
Great.
How long will that take? Shop in barstow's sending one on the 6 A.
M.
bus.
You don't have one? For a '57 Chevy? I want to I want to share this Oscar with my buddy Marty scorsese Thank my loyal wife Uma thurman.
Love brings such misery and pain how am I supposed to live without you? Uhh! I haven't missed the eclipse, have I? Oh, hi.
No.
The moon's well into the umbra, but it won't be total for another half an hour.
I realize that I blathered on and on this afternoon about myself, and I didn't even ask about you.
Where do you go to school? I don't.
Actually, I'm a doctor.
Right.
And I'm Carl sagan.
No.
I am.
Really.
I finished school early.
What, you were 10? You graduated high school when you were 9? Yeah.
And I thought I was a nerd.
I was 15.
That was bad enough.
Actually, the worst was being 10 when everybody else was 13.
All the girls in my class were smoking and Wearing bras and hanging out in the bathroom moussing their hair.
When everyone else was 13, I was 6.
Still chugging around the playground pretending you were a car? And doing quadratic equations in my head.
I'd list the stars.
I thought I was the only kid weird enough to do that.
Guess not.
Let me guess.
Another mail order course.
Uh Nine years ago, some guy wanted 500 bucks to make my neon sign.
I figured I'd do it myself.
What's this, another sign? Uh, it's just, it's nothing.
It's I just get into it sometimes, that's all.
Kind of making some stuff to look at.
Like what? You don't want to see.
You'd just laugh.
No, I won't.
I swear.
Well O.
K.
Holy Sam, this is amazing.
It's incredible.
This is like like Art.
Get out of here.
No, no.
All these colors.
It's like a kaleidoscope of light.
You're an artist.
Yeah? Most people think I'm nuts.
They just don't know how to look at it.
If other people don't get it, it's their loss.
I mean, look at it.
If you like it from this angle, you are going to love it Like this.
This is the work as it was intended to be viewed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you tilt your head way back like this, it gets all fuzzy around the edges.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you slowly turn your head back and forth like this Yeah.
Yeah.
O.
K.
I've got it in focus.
Here.
Look at the edges of one of The craters.
I forgot what I was saying.
Me, too.
This is it.
We're in totality.
Oh, you've got to see this.
Wow.
Isn't it amazing? There didn't have to be a universe at all.
Even if there did have to be one, it didn't have to be so beautiful.
But it is.
It's so beautiful.
And here, in all of outer space with all the places the sun, earth, and moon could be, they're right here In perfect alignment.
Isn't it a miracle? But it can't last Just tonight.
Yeah, but maybe it's enough that it happens at all One bright, shining moment.
And the really miraculous thing is that it'll happen again and again.
So, where were you last night anyway? Oh, watching a lunar eclipse.
Howser, what are you doing? Chicago's the other way.
I decided going to Chicago isn't that important after all.
Must have been some eclipse.
Hey, I got this amazing idea for a new movie.
I thought you'd given up filmmaking.
What, because some jerks didn't like my movie? I'm an artist.
People don't like my movies, that's their loss.
My movie's not just going to have death, but death's whole family Sisters, uncles, cousins.
They all get together and play air hockey.
Huh? What do you think?