Doug (1991) s03e08 Episode Script

[ yelps]
[ barks]
[ electric guitar playing]
[ man singing scat]
[ barks]
COOL! WHOA!
[ thwack]
[ barks]
Doug:
DEAR JOURNAL, EVERY WEDNESDAY
OUR SCHOOL PAPER COMES OU
BUT TODAY'SHONKER
WAS NO ORDINARY PAPER.
SEE, IT ALL STARTED
LAST THURSDAY
WHEN THE CAFETERIA
SERVED MAGIC MEA
FOR THE THIRD TIME IN ONE WEEK.
IT WAS DISGUSTING.
UCK!
LATER, I WAS DOODLING
DIFFERENT THINGS YOU MIGHT DO
WITH MAGIC MEA
WHEN CHALKY, WHO WORKS ON
THE PAPER, SAW MY CARTOON.
HEY, THIS IS GREAT.
AND THERE IT WAS, ON PAGE SIX.
I WONDERED WHAT
PEOPLE WOULD SAY.
[ all laughing]
Mr. Bone:
ALL RIGHT, FREEZE!
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
DROP THE PAPERS.
NICE AND EASY NOW.
NO FALSE MOVES.
OKAY, BOYS, CONFISCATE THEM!
WHAT'S GOING ON, MR. BONE?
IS SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE PAPER?
DON'T TRY THA
INNOCENT ACT, BUSTER.
I'M LIKE
A GRIZZLY BEAR--
YOU LEAVE ME ALONE,
I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE
BUT MESS WITH SCHOOL POLICY,
AND WATCH MY CLAWS!
THESE PAPERS ARE GOING
TO THE SHREDDER.
WHAT? WHY?
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH
THE SCHOOL LUNCHES
YOU GOT A PROBLEM
WITH ME.
COMPRENDE,FUNNIE?
WHO, ME?
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
[ barks]
Doug:
THE SCHOOL PAPER-- CONFISCATED
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT, PORKCHOP.
[ gasps]
SAY, DOUGLAS,
JUST TRYING OU
MY NEW TIME MACHINE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
A TIME MACHINE?
BUT THERE'S
NO SUCH THING.
NOT YET THERE ISN'T.
THIS BABY WON'
BE OUT FOR 20 YEARS.
I WAS JUST THERE,
TAKING A TEST DRIVE.
ANY PLACE
YOU WANT TO GO?
HUH?HUH?
EXCUSE ME.
OF COURSE, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE
BUT I'D GIVE ANYTHING
TO GO BACK TO LAST WEEK.
IF OUR PRINCIPAL,
MR. BUTTSAVITCH
CAME BACK FROM VACATION
AND SAW THIS
HE'D HAVE
BOTH OUR HIDES.
CAN'T WE SAY WHAT WE THINK?
OF COURSE NOT!
WHAT ARE YOU
TEACHING THEM?
IF EVERYBODY SAID
WHAT THEY THOUGH
EVERYTHING WOULD BE
ALL HIGGLEDY-PIGGLEDY!
GEE!
THIS WHOLE THING BACKFIRED.
FROM NOW ON, I'M KEEPING
MY OPINIONS TO MYSELF.
LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT?
SKEETER, PUT THAT AWAY.
WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
I WAS TRYING
TO TELL YOU.
AL AND LOU ARE
HANDING THEM OUT.
"THE CARTOON BONE
WOULDN'T LET YOU SEE."
OH, SKEET, THIS IS
[ whispering:]
MR. BONE!
GIVE ME THAT!
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY.
Boy:
WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
DON'T THINK PICKING
UP THAT TRASH
WILL MAKE UP FOR
DRAWING THAT CARTOON.
I'M ON TO YOU.
DOWN WITH BONE!
[ muffled shouting]
SHH!
WANT TO JOIN
"THE DOUG FUNNIE FREEDOM
OF THE PRESS SOCIETY"?
WE'RE TELLING BONE TO
GIVE THE NEWSPAPER BACK
OR YOU'LL HANDCUFF
YOURSELF TO HIS DESK.
OR JUMP OFF
THE CAFETERIA ROOF.
NOW, WAI
A MINUTE!
DON'T WORRY,
IT'S FREE TO JOIN.
YOU GUYS HAVE TO CUT THIS OUT.
NO MORE FLIERS,
NO MORE SOCIETY.
GOT IT?
JUST FORGET IT.
BOY, GOOD THING
HE'S NOT A MEMBER.
BUT MR. BONE CAN'
TAKE AWAY THE PAPER.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
MY CARTOON CAUSED
ALL THIS TROUBLE.
MAYBE IF
I JUST APOLOGIZED
HE'D GIVE US
OUR PAPER BACK.
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT.
THIS STUFF
IS TERRIBLE!
BONES SHOULD
APOLOGIZE TO US.
Patti:
I'M CALLING AN
EMERGENCY SESSION
OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL
THIS AFTERNOON.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
Kids:
NO MORE MAGIC MEAT!
NO MORE MAGIC MEAT!
DOUG, YOUR CARTOON HAS
INSPIRED THE WHOLE SCHOOL.
YEAH, GREAT.
NO MORE MAGIC MEAT!
NO-- HEY, LOOK, PUT ME DOWN!
HEY, CUT THIS OUT! REALLY!
PLEASE, EVERYBODY,
I APPRECIATE ALL THIS, BUT
QUIET!
UH-OH.
ALL RIGHT, WHOSE IDEA IS THIS?
All:
HIS.
OH, MAN!
LOOK, MR. SHELACKI
YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
SHH!
WHAT, MR. MAGIC MEAT?
DID THAT MEAN BOY SAY
HE DIDN'T LIKE YOU?
IT WAS
JUST A CARTOON.
OH, NO, I'M SURE
HE DOESN'T HATE YOU.
TELL MR. MEA
YOU DON'T HATE HIM.
MR. SHELA OH.
OH
I DON'T HATE YOU.
GIVE HIM A HUG.
WHAT?
THAT'S IT--
JUST A BIG, OLD HUG.
NO!
NOW I UNDERSTAND.
BUT I JUST WAN
TO DRAW CARTOONS.
[ shouting outside]
WHAT'S THAT?
FREE DOUG FUNNIE!
FREE DOUG FUNNIE!
JUDY.
FREE DOUG FUNNIE!
HERE HE IS!
ALLONS, ENFANTS
DE LA PATRIE ♪
JUDY, WHA
ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S MY POLITICAL
SCIENCE CLASS.
WE HEARD ABOUT THE
NEOFASCIST OPPRESSION.
WE'VE WAITED FOR THIS.
JUDY!
MY OWN LITTLE BROTHER
STANDING UP FOR
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS.
OH, DOUGIE, YOU LEARNED
SOMETHING FROM ME.
YOU'RE OUR HERO.
BUT I DON'
WANT TO BE A HERO.
I DON'T WAN
TO HANDCUFF MYSELF
TO BONES' DESK.
WHAT ABOUT JUMPING
OFF THE ROOF?
JUDY
IF YOU DON'T LEAVE
YOU'LL JUST GET ME
INTO DEEPER TROUBLE.
UH-OH, QUICK, HIDE.
HIDE? NEVER.
I'M STANDING BESIDE YOU
ALL THE WAY TO THE GALLOWS.
I REGRET I HAVE
ONLY ONE BROTHER
TO GIVE FOR FREEDOM.
MAY I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO DISPERSE.
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL REASON WITH HIM.
DROP DEAD, YOU FASCIST!
BACK AT IT AGAIN,
HEY, FUNNIE?
AND BRINGING IN
OUTSIDE AGITATORS, I SEE.
OPPRESSOR! PIG!
YOU BIG BULLY!
THIS IS GOING ON YOUR
PERMANENT RECORD, MISTER.
ALLONS, ENFANTS DE LA PATRIE♪
LE JOUR DE GLOIRE
EST ARRIVE♪
JUDY'S POWERS OF REASON
DIDN'T AFFECT MR. BONE.
MAYBE IF I JUST APOLOGIZED
I MIGHT GET OFF WITH
A YEAR OF DETENTION.
Crowd:
FREE DOUG FUNNIE!
ALL RIGHT, MISTER,
THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH!
OKAY, OKAY-- YOU WIN.
JUST CALL OFF YOUR DOGS
AND I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
A DEAL?
WHAT A RELIEF!
I WAS READY TO DO ANYTHING
MR. BONE ASKED ME.
Boy:
LET'S TAKE OVER THE BUILDING.
ORDER! ORDER!
THIS MEETING WILL COME TO ORDER.
IT HAS THIS REALLY
CUTE SKIRT, AND
BEEBE!
ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN UP.
MR. FUNNIE HAS
AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
DOUG?
WE CAN HAVE
OUR NEWSPAPER.
[ cheering]
BUT WE CAN'T MAKE
FUN OF THE SCHOOL.
WHY NOT?
WELL BECAUSE IF WE JUS
SAID WHATEVER WE THOUGH
EVERYTHING WOULD BE
HIGGLEDY-PIGGLEDY.
WHERE HAD I HEARD THAT BEFORE?
WHY, IF EVERYBODY SAID
WHATEVER THEY THOUGH
EVERYTHING WOULD BE
ALL HIGGLEDY-PIGGLEDY.
ISN'T THA
RIGHT, FUNNIE?
YES, SIR-- ALL
HIGGLEDY-PIGGLEDY.
WHAT WAS I TURNING INTO?
AND JUSTTO PROVE
HE DIDN'T MEAN
WHAT HE SAID
MR. FUNNIE
WILL NOW HAVE
A NICE BIG BITE
OF MAGIC MEAT.
WHAT?
GO AHEAD-- JUST EAT IT.
REMEMBER OUR DEAL?
[ groans]
BUT I HATE MAGIC MEAT!
LOOK, FUNNIE
YOU SAID WE COULD HAVE
THE PAPER BACK IF I APOLOGIZED
BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH.
[ cheering]
BESIDES, IF WE CAN'
SAY WHAT WE THINK
JUST TAKE THE PAPER AWAY.
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET.
THAT'S I
FOR YOUR PAPER.
FINITO!
NEVER AGAIN.
NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY?
MR. BONE, YOU HAVE
A PHONE CALL.
I CAN'T BE BOTHERED RIGHT NOW.
IT'S THE PRINCIPAL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
HELLO?
MR. BUTTSAVITCH!
HOW WAS YOUR VACA
YOU WHAT?
HE SAW THE CARTOON.
YOU'RE REALLY
IN TROUBLE.
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS WHAT?
OH, YES, OF COURSE
I GOT THE JOKE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
VERY FUNNY, TOO.
YES, I WILL, MR. BUTTSAVITCH.
GOOD-BYE.
WELL, YOUNG MAN
I JUST SAVED
YOUR FANNY.
YES, SIR, YOU
COULD HAVE SPEN
A LONG TIME
IN DETENTION
IF I HADN'T DONE
SOME FAST TALKING.
IN FACT, I CONVINCED
MR. BUTTSAVITCH
TO LIKE YOUR CARTOON.
SO JUST BE GRATEFUL.
SO NOT ONLY DID
WE GET OUR PAPER BACK
BUT BECAUSE OF MY CARTOON
THE PRINCIPAL TOOK
MAGIC MEAT OFF THE MENU.
WHAT IS THIS?
NEW DISH--
MR. SHELACKI'S IDEA.
HAPPY MEAT.
[ sighs]
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
READY?
AND ACTION.
Doug:
SKEETER AND I WERE USING
MY DAD'S VIDEO CAMERA
TO MAKE THE WORLD'S
GREATEST MONSTER MOVIE.
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
OKAY, SO IT LOOKED KIND OF LAME,
BUT IT MIGHT SCARESOMEBODY.
WE ONLY HAD ONE PROBLEM.
WE STILL
HAVE TO COME UP
WITH A TOTALLY
MONSTROUS MONSTER.
Mrs. Funnie:
DOUGLAS!
I NEED SOME HELP
SEPARATING
THE RECYCLABLES!
IN A MINUTE, MOM.
WE NEED SOMETHING THAT COULD
WREAK UNMENTIONABLE HAVOC
DOUGLAS!
SOMETHING BIG AND SCARY
[ scream]
DOUGLAS YANCEY FUNNIE
WHEN I SAY TO COME,
I DON'T MEAN MAYBE.
OH.
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
MOM IS PART-TIME MANAGER
AT THE DEJA VU RECYCLING CENTER
AND SOMETIMES IT SEEMS
LIKE THAT'S ALL
SHE EVER THINKS ABOUT.
THAT GOES IN
THE ETCETERA PILE, BOYS.
[ grunting]
OOH-- OOH, OOH!
OOH, OOH!
HEY, DOUG, HOW ABOU
USING THIS STATUE
AS THE MONSTER?
HMM
ALAS.
[ laughing]
NAH, SHAKESPEARE
WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT IS IT?
I THINK I JUS
FIGURED OU
OUR MONSTER, SKEET.
[ muffled yelp]
THERE-- A GIANT,
FLYING SHARK DOG
FROM OUTER SPACE.
[ screaming]
WELL, MAYBE IT'LL LOOK
BETTER ON TAPE, DOUG.
OH, PORKCHOP,
YOU LOOK SO CUTE.
YOU'RE DISTRACTING HIM.
OH, SORRY.
WOULD YOU MIND TAKING
SOME THINGS TO DEJA VU?
MOM JUST DIDN'T REALIZE
HOW IMPORTANT OUR MOVIE WAS.
[ screaming]
OH, HOW CUTE!
OH, DOUGIE-- DID YOU
RECYCLE THE BOTTLES?
WHY DIDN'T WE
EDIT HER OUT?
WE COULDN'T, MAN.
SHE'S IN EVERY SHOT.
I DECIDED TO GET SOME
MOVING SHOTS WITH MY HELMET-CAM
ON THE WAY TO DEJA VU.
WHOA, LOOK OU
FOR THAT TRASH, MAN!
HEY, WHERE DID EVERYTHING GO?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
LOOK OUT!
Both:
BEAN CAN!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WHOA!
WOW, WHA
A DISASTER!
DID YOU TAPE IT?
GOT IT.
THIS'LL BE GREA
FOR THE END
OF OUR MOVIE.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE SO COOL.
AW, MAN!
OH, WELL, MAYBE
WE COULD JUST USE
THE SOUND EFFECTS.
Mrs. Funnie:
WHAT ON EARTH WAS
ALL THAT RACKET?
IT'S JUST FROM
A LITTLE ACCIDENT WE HAD.
ACCIDENT?
OKAY, GUYS,
LET'S HEAR IT.
IT WAS GREAT!
THERE WAS ALL THIS
JUNK IN THE ROAD
AND WE RAN OVER I
AND THERE WAS
A PAINTER ON A LADDER
AND THIS
TRAFFIC JAM
ALL THIS FROM TRASH
AND ON THIS TAPE?
WELL, SORT OF, BUT
I'VE GOT TO SHOW THIS
TO THE TOWN COUNCIL
SO SOMETHING CAN
BE DONE ABOUT IT.
BUT MY MOVIE'S
ON THIS TAPE, AND
SOMETIMES PEOPLE
MAKE ME SO MAD!
SHE JUST COULDN'T THINK
ABOUT ANYTHING BUT TRASH.
DOUGLAS!
I DON'T GET IT--
SOME KID, A DOG
IN A CARDBOARD FIN
IT DOESN'T ADD UP.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A MONSTER MOVIE.
DOUG, PLEASE.
IT'S ABOUT TRASH,
MR. EGRET.
I'M CYRIL.
THEN WHAT'S ALL THIS
WITH THE SHARK DOG?
HE WAS SUPPOSED
IT'S THE TRASH
THAT I WANT
SORRY.
IT'S A STINKER.
Mrs. Funnie:
IF PEOPLE
WOULD JUS
RECYCLE
THEIR TRASH
WE WOULDN'
HAVE THIS SOR
OF PROBLEM.
MOM WAS GOING TO MAKE US
A LAUGHINGSTOCK
BY SHOWING OUR TAPE
IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE TOWN.
IT STANDS FOR "OTHER PEOPLE
WHO WILL VOTE FOR ME."
AND WHAT DOES THE "R"
IN "MAYOR" STAND FOR?
"'R' YOU GOING
TO VOTE FOR ME?"
ANY QUESTIONS?
MAYOR WHITE, THIS TOWN
HAS A REAL PROBLEM
WITH TRASH IN THE STREETS.
I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD
AS SAYING
TRASH IS NOT A PROBLEM HERE.
MEETING'S ADJOURNED--
VOTE FOR ME.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO HAVE
A VIDEOTAPE MY SON MADE
WHICH WILL SHOW ALL OF YOU
HOW GRAVE THE PROBLEM IS.
[ to himself:]
DON'T LET HER SHOW IT.
MY SON RAN OVER SOME
TRASH ON HIS BIKE
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SAW IT HAPPEN.
A BIG OLD BEAN CAN
NEARLY WIPED OU
HALF OF DOWNTOWN.
WHAT? WELL WHY
THAT WAS WHAT I WAS
JUST ABOUT TO SAY.
TRASH IS A HUGE PROBLEM
HERE IN BLUFFINGTON.
I WAS JUS
ABOUT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT MY, UH, "BEAUTIFY
BLUFFINGTON" CAMPAIGN.
[ cheering]
THAT'S RIGHT--
BEAUTIFY BLUFFINGTON.
WHEW!
I DON'T KNOW,
SKEETER.
HE STILL DOESN'
LOOK REAL SCARY.
[ whimpers]
I KNOW, BU
LET'S JUST DO I
BEFORE YOUR
MOM INTERRUPTS.
Mayor:
Stash our trash!
Beautify Bluffington.
That's right.
Beautify Bluffington!
Mrs. Funnie:
DOUG
WHAT'S GOING ON?
Don't worry.
LET YOUR MAYOR
BEAUTIFY BLUFFINGTON.
[ screams]
Stash our trash!
[ coughing]
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
DOING IT THIS WAY
WAS NOT MY IDEA.
I THINK I'VE CREATED A MONSTER.
A MONSTER?
SKEETER, THAT'S IT!
A MONSTER
FOR OUR MOVIE.
COME ON,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
Stash our trash!
Beautify Bluffington!
THERE IT IS!
YEAH.
Stash our trash
YOU GETTING IT, DOUG?
I'M GETTING IT.
WE HELD THE WORLD PREMIERE
OF OUR MOVIE
AT THE NEXT TOWN
COUNCIL MEETING.
I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THE
"BEAUTIFY BLUFFINGTON" CAMPAIGN.
THAT'S A SPLENDID IDEA.
LET'S GO TO THE CHARTS.
YOU SEE, THE ARROW IS GOING UP.
THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?
I THINK YOUR CAMPAIGN
IS A BIG MESS.
[ gasps]
WE DON'T NEED A TRASH ARMY.
EVERYONE SHOULD JUST PITCH IN
AND DO THEIR PART.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY BIG TRUCK?
MAYOR, MAYOR
MR. MAYOR
WE MADE A MOVIE
ABOUT "BEAUTIFY
BLUFFINGTON."
WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR A KIDDY SHOW.
WAIT, DID YOU SAY A MOVIE
OF ME AND MY BIG TRUCK?
LET'S SEE IT.
What you are about to see
is the mayor's "Beautify
Bluffington" campaign in action.
I LIKE A CIVIC-MINDED
YOUNG PERSON.
ONE DAY, HE'LL
BE VOTING FOR ME.
[ chattering]
[ quacking forlornly]
[ croaks]
OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE!
Stash our trash!
Beautify Bluffington!
Stash our trash.
WE DID IT!
WE MADE A MOVIE
THAT WAS REALLY SCARY.
WE FOUND A TOTALLY
MONSTROUS MONSTER.
MAYOR, YOUR TRUCK
TRASHED OUR TOWN!
[ crowd grumbling]
IT'S NOT ALL
THE MAYOR'S FAULT.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT TRASH.
WE NEED AN EXPER
IN RECYCLING
LIKE MY MOM.
WHY, UH
I WAS JUST ABOU
TO THINK OF THAT MYSELF.
THE JOB IS YOURS.
DOUGLAS, I REALLY
LIKE YOUR MOVIE.
MOM!
[ tapping]
Okay, power on.
A little lower
A little higher.
There.
This is Doug Funnie's
video journal.
Well, now my Mom's raising
the whole town's
trash consciousness.
For my next movie, I'll
Porkchop!
[ talking backwards]
[ static]