Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s03e08 Episode Script

1
BRRR! YEAH.
Jimmy: AAH! LEAVE ME ALONE!
SOMEBODY, TURN THE RADIO ON
AND SOOTHE THIS SAVAGE BEAST!
DROP THE SANDWICH, YOU FOOL!
AND HERE I THOUGH
SELLING SANDWICHES
WOULD BE A SAFE AND
INNOCENT VENTURE.
MY SANDWICH, MY SANDWICH!
MY SANDWICH Jimmy:
SARAH, HELP ME! AAH!
I'M SO DELICATE!
AAH
DON'T JUST STAND
THERE. DO SOMETHING!
SARAH!
[GOAT BLEATING]
DARN IT. UNH!
SHARE IT WITH ME, VICTOR!
IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
TILL SOMEONE SPILLS
THE MAYONNAISE.
Eddy: THAT A BOY, VICTOR!
VICTOR, DO NOT SPOIL YOUR SUPPER
WITH THE WHITE BREAD!
SARAH, HELP. GOAT GERMS!
VICTOR, LET GO
OF THE CONFUSED
AND DELICATE ONE.
HOO! YOU LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!
GLAAH!
THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER.
OH, MY FRIENDS ARE KILLING ME!
CALL A DOCTOR, DOUBLE "D."
I FAIL TO SEE THE COMEDY
IN JIMMY'S TRAGEDY, EDDY.
THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT BEING CHASED
AROUND THE YARD, THEN HA
UNINTENTIONALLY
SLIPPING ON A HA
SLICE OF LUNCHEON MEAT.
HA HA!
FLUFFY RAN LIKE A CHICKEN.
[ALL LAUGH]
Ed: I LOVE CHICKENS, GUYS!
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?
YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY
ACTING LIKE JERKS.
WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
POOR JIMMY ALONE?
HE'S YOUNGER THAN YOU, YOU
KNOW, AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
MAN, NAZZ LOOKS AWESOME TODAY.
I WANT TO WRITE NAZZ A POEM,
AND I HATE WRITING!
DOUBLE "D," MY TUMMY FEELS
ALL WIGGLY AND CRAWLY INSIDE.
THAT'S NICE, ED.
I FEEL LIKE THE NAZZES ON THE
BACK OF MY NAZZ IS STANDING ON NAZZ.
THAT'S NICE, ED.
HELLO?
[GIGGLES]
HELLO.
HI OH, BROTHER.
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, JIMMY,
GET UP, WILL YOU?
HEY, SARAH, YOU AND JIMMY
WANT TO PLAY SOME BASEBALL?
ME AND JIMMY LOVE BASEBALL!
Jimmy: I FEEL QUEASY.
[MUMBLES]
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, NAZZ?
WOO-HOO! COUNT ME IN, NAZZ!
AH, THERE'S SOMETHING BEWITCHING
ABOUT NAZZ TODAY
AN UNUSUAL ENCHANTMENT OH!
A HAPPENING OF SORTS.
SHE'S HAPPENING, ALL RIGHT!
OH I FEEL LIKE A DOORMAT.
CAN IT BE LOVE?
Sarah: THROW THE
BALL, YOU IDIOT!
[CATCALL]
NAZZ IS AS GRACEFUL AS A GAZELLE
LEAPING THROUGH A
FIELD OF BUTTERCUPS.
YEAH. A GA WHATCHAMACALLIT.
I'M DEDICATING THIS
GAME TO YOU, NAZZ.
GEE, THANKS, KEVIN.
PLANK AND I MAKE
OUR OWN DOUGHNUTS.
Jimmy: HOLY MACARONI!
HEADS UP, EVERYBODY!
HEADS UP, EVERYBODY.
HEADS UP, EVERYBODY.
EDDY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH, LOOK, A BOUQUE
OF FLOWERS FOR NAZZ.
A TAD PUNGENT,
DON'T YOU THINK, ED?
I'll GIVE YOU A
BO Nazz: HI, EDDY.
LIKE, WE NEED OUR
BAT FOR THE GAME.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GUYS PLAY WITH US?
[GIGGLES]
[HEART THUMPS]
POLITELY DECLINE, EDDY.
WE KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT THE DYNAMICS
OF TEAM SPORTS.
WITH BELLS ON OUR
TOES, MISS NAZZ.
COME ON, KEV,
GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT!
YOU CALL THAT A PITCH?
READY, KEV?
SHOW ME WHA
YOU'RE MADE OF, DUDE.
Kevin, thinking:
SHE'S SO RADICAL.
Eddy, thinking: SHE CAN'
TAKE HER EYES OFF ME.
Double "D," thinking:
HER HAIR IS SO CLEAN,
AND NOT FLYAWAY AT ALL.
Ed, thinking: HELLO? ECHO!
MY NAME IS ED!
Sarah: THROW THE BALL, SLOWPOKE!
DID I HIT IT?
AWESOME!
PICK UP THE BALL, KEVIN. HURRY.
PICK IT UP.
YEAH. SURE. I'M ON IT.
GO, NAZZ, GO!
OH, FOR GOODNESS'
SAKE! CATCH IT, DOUBLE "D"!
UM OH!
[LAUGHS]
LATER, DUDE.
SHE CALLED ME "DUDE."
SHE IS SO GOOD.
[LAUGHS]
SAFE.
HEY, STUPID, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO GET HER OUT!
OOF!
AH, LOOK
HIYA, BIG GUY. ARE YOU GOING
TO TOUCH ME WITH THAT BALL?
EEE! AAH!
AAH!
HERE'S HOME PLATE, NAZZ!
YEAH!
Boys: SHE'S SAFE!
I WIN!
COOL, NAZZ! I KNEW YOU COULD
I WANT TO PITCH TO NAZZ.
GET OUT OF MY FACE, DORK.
NO WAY, JOSE.
I'M GOING TO PITCH TO NAZZ.
Ed: HANG ON THERE, MATEYS!
I WILL THROW THE
FOOTBALL TO NAZZ.
Eddy: IT'S A BASEBALL, STUPID.
Ed: SURE AM, EDDY.
OOH, SHE'S LOOKING AT US, PLANK.
AAH! AAH!
READY, NAZZ?
Double "D": IT'S NOT YOUR TURN!
Ed: OK, THEN IT'S
DOUBLE "D's" TURN.
BOYS ARE SO IMMATURE.
WHO NEEDS THEM?
LET'S GO PLAY SOMEPLACE ELSE.
[BOYS FIGHTING]
WAIT FOR ME, LADIES.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE AGAIN, PLANK.
OH, GOOD ONE.
NOW NAZZ THINKS I'M A DORK.
SON OF A GUN.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME, ROLF.
NAZZ THINKS I'M A DORK.
HOW CAN SOMETHING SO RIGHTEOUS
BE SO WRONG, MAN?
I SEE. SO KEVIN WOULD LIKE ROLF
TO ASSIST HIM WITH A NAZZ, YES?
NO! GO BACK. GO AWAY.
Rolf: COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.
HARSH.
OH! ROLF POKES
FUN AT YOU, KEVIN.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
SUCH A KILL-JOY.
COME. ROLF MAKES GOOD.
OH, DEAR.
IT APPEARS KEVIN
AND ROLF HAVE UNIFIED
IN AN ATTEMPT TO IMPRESS NAZZ.
CAN I IMPRESS NAZZ
WITH MY SENSITIVE SIDE,
AND DRAW HER A
PICTURE OF A CHICKEN?
[KISSING NOISES]
DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION, ED?
YOU WON'T IMPRESS
NAZZ WITH CHICKENS.
I WON'T?
A RARE MOMENT,
INDEED, BUT EDDY'S RIGHT.
AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE'LL
PARDON ME, BUT I THINK I
HEARD MY MOTHER CALL.
Double "D": HEY, YOU
HOW IT'S GOING TO BE, IS IT?
COMING, ED?
PLEASE, NO CHICKENS, ED.
Ed: I CAN'T FEEL
MY LIPS, DOUBLE "D."
[GOAT BLEATS]
[BLEATS]
VICTOR CHANGED HIS NAME
TO NAZZ, JUST LIKE ME.
ARE YOU WEAK IN THE UPPER STORY?
[CHUCKLES]
L-LATER, ROLF.
KIND OF NEAT, HUH, NAZZ?
IT'S SORT OF A GIFT FOR YOU.
WHY IS NAZZ WEARING MY SKATES?
UM, YEAH, LIKE I PU
IN NEW BEARINGS,
SO THEY GLIDE REAL
SMOOTH, YOU KNOW?
AWESOME.
ROLF WILL SIT TO THE SIDE
AND OBSERVE WITH HYSTERICS.
HI, NAZZ!
OH! HOW ABOU
SLIPPING YOUR TOOTSIES
INTO THIS BABY ALL
THE WAY FROM FRANCE.
UM, GEE, EDDY THANKS.
Double "D": I HOPE YOU
ENJOY THIS SMALL OFFERING,
AS EVERYONE LOVES ORAL HYGIENE.
GET LOST, NERD-O.
HEY, NAZZ, HOW ABOU
I LET YOU WEAR MY HAT?
NO, THANKS, KEVIN.
HATS MESS UP MY 'DO.
AAH!
[CHUCKLES]
HEY THERE, ED.
IT'S YOU, AND I DREW IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
SHOULD I HANG IT IN YOUR ROOM?
REMEMBER ME? OF COURSE YOU DO.
HOW'S THIS TICKLE YOU?
ME AGAIN. SORRY ABOUT YOUR HAIR.
IF NEAT HAIR IS WHAT YOU DESIRE,
WHY NOT MASSAGE YOUR
FOLLICLES WITH MY DANDY
HOW ABOUT A NICE BOWL
OF STEAMING PUFFED WHEAT?
Ed: A PRETTY BRICK FOR NAZZ.
NAZZ WOULD LOVE A NEW BIKE.
OR A NEW TOILET?
NOT THE BIKE, DORK.
A PERFECTLY PRESERVED
HETEROPTEROUS IN AN ACRYLIC MOUNT?
WHAT'S UP, NAZZ?
CHECK OUT THE WRENCH, NAZZ.
A FEATHER?
EXCUSE ME, NAZZ.
HEY, NAZZ.
Ed: WHO'S UP FOR SMOOTHIES?
AAH!
GET OFF ME!
HA HA HA!
NAZZ, WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME
HERE WITH THESE LOSERS!
I HAVE A FEELING OUR
ATTEMPTS IN GARNERING
NAZZ'S ATTENTION
FAILED TO IMPRESS HER.
DON'T YOU THINK, EDDY?
WHAT WAS YOUR
FIRST CLUE, EINSTEIN?
BLOW A KISS TO YOUR FANS, NAZZ.
"OK."
MMM-MA. MMM-MA. MMM-MA
UH
OVER HERE, QUICK!
EDDY, PLEASE WAIT.
OH, THIS IS NOT GOOD.
MY PROFUSE SWEATING
INDICATES THAT WE'VE
ESTABLISHED THE FAC
THAT NAZZ DOESN'T KNOW WE EXIST.
I SAY IT'S A GOOD PLAN.
SHE'LL BE SWOONING IN NO TIME.
BRING IT ON HOME.
SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!
[FAINT SCREAM]
OUR VISION OF BEAUTY APPROACHES.
YOU START, DOUBLE "D."
OH, DEAR. SHE'S SPOTTED US.
YOU HAVE THE FLOOR, EDDY.
YOU'RE SUCH A
CHICKEN, DOUBLE "D."
WHAT DO YOU THINK
SHE'LL DO BITE YOU?
Double "D": YES.
GET OUT THERE.
[HUMMING]
HIT ME, HAVE MERCY
SWEET NAZZ,
DON'T GIVE ME GAS ♪
RIGHT ON OH, NAZZ
UH-HUH, YOU ARE SO RAD ♪
OH, BABY STOP ME UH-HUH
YOU GUYS ROCK!
JIMMY?
OH, HELLO, JIMMY.
NICE HEAD THERE, BUCKO.
CAN I JOIN YOUR BAND?
I PLAY A MEAN XYLOPHONE.
Eddy: NO, THANKS!
Double "D": OH, LATER.
Ed: GOOD NIGHT, JIMMY!
Double "D": SEE YOU.
Eddy: THIS WILL JUS
TAKE A SECOND, JIMMY BOY.
ARE YOU BORING?
GEE, EDDY, I, UH
BORING. GOOD.
DO YOU LACK A LIFE?
I I REALLY GOT TO CHECK.
PAY ATTENTION, CURLICUE.
ARE YOU UNCONSCI UNCONSHY
[CLEARS THROAT]
"UNCONSCIOUS," EDDY.
DEAD FROM THE NECK UP?
CHECK. CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE DULL.
WHY STRAIN TO BE FUNNY?
YOU JUST NEED TO RENT A CLOWN.
OUR NEW OUT-OF-THE-BOX
CLOWNS ARE GUARANTEED
TO GET RIB-CRACKING LAUGHS,
OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
LAUGH, CLOWN, LAUGH.
[HONK]
Eddy: WOO-HOO! AIN'T HE A RIOT?
SARAH!
I CAN SEE YOU'RE PERPLEXED.
HOW ABOUT A FREE DEMO?
SLAPPY!
SLAPPY?
HOWDY, KIDS! IT'S ME SLAPPY.
[HONK]
OH, DEAR.
[HONK]
OH, MY.
CLOWNS?
IS THAT THE BEST YOU
COULD COME UP WITH?
THAT IS SO DORK-STORE, I SWEAR.
HEH HEH HEH.
ROLF COMES FROM A LONG LINE
OF VILLAGE BUFFOONS, KEVIN.
DO NOT MOCK THE CLOWN.
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
AAH!
HA HA HA! IT'S ME
AGAIN SLAPPY.
Double "D": HEAVENS
SLAPPY I AM.
Double "D": NOT AGAIN. AAH!
HELP! STOP. NO, PLEASE
IS THAT GOLD OR WHAT?
WHAT IS THIS,
THE CUL-DE-SAC
OF THE LIVING DEAD?
THIS IS FUNNY STUFF HERE.
SLAP, SLAPHAPPY,
SLAP INGRATES!
UGH, OH
WILL YOU GUYS QUI
FOOLING AROUND?!
ARGH ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, EDDY?
STUPID BOX. WHO WOULD
MAIL A HUH? HMM
IT'S ADDRESSED TO YOU, ED.
ED GETS MAIL?
WHAT IN SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE VIOLATING
ED'S PRIVACY, EDDY
A FEDERAL OFFENSE, I MIGHT ADD.
Ed: SOMEBODY LOVES ME!
WHOA!
ED?
HEY, LUMPY!
Ed: NO WAY! THEY CAME!
MY LIMITED EDITION
SLOVAK JAWBREAKERS.
LOOK.
JAWBREAKERS?
YOU DON'T SAY!
I ORDERED THEM FROM THE
BACK OF THIS COMIC BOOK.
HA HA HA! SEE?
TWO FREE, AND I ORDERED IT.
TWO?
Double "D": THERE'S ONLY TWO.
AND I WILL SHARE
THEM WITH MY PALS
ONE FOR EACH OF US.
THAT'S YOU, HE, AND I.
ED, HOW MANY TIMES
DOES 2 GO INTO 3?
THINK!
[CLOCK TICKING]
[SNORING]
WE ARE 3. YOU ARE 2.
SHOULD WE TELL HIM?
HE'S A BIG BOY, EDDY.
UH-OH. THERE'S NOT ENOUGH!
PLEASE TAKE THEM, FRIENDS.
SWEET!
BUT, ED, WE COULDN'T.
THEY'RE YOUR JAWBREAKERS.
[SNIFFS]
IT IS OK. ENJOY THEM.
I WILL JUST FIND A ROCK.
YOU'RE SO PREDICTABLE, EDDY.
HAVE YOU NO SHAME
IN DEPRIVING OUR FRIEND
OF HIS JAWBREAKERS?
LOOK AT HIM.
GEE, DOUBLE "D,"
I GUESS NOT.
EDDY! THE ONLY FAIR THING TO DO
IS TO DIVIDE THESE JAWBREAKERS
INTO 3 EQUAL SHARES.
FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.
[WHISTLES]
AAH!
BLUE 22. HUT!
I'M GOING DEEP, BUDDY! HA HA HA!
LET ME HAVE IT! I'M
WIDE OPEN, PLANK!
OH OH OH HEY,
GIVE ME THAT BACK!
JONNY'S GOT OUR JAWBREAKER!
FOUND HER!
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
I GOT A JAWBREAKER, PLANK!
WHAT? YOU CAN'T BREATHE?
WHERE ARE YOU, BUDDY?
GET OFF!
NOW WE ONLY GOT ONE.
ARE YOU INSINUATING
IT WAS MY FAUL
THAT WE LOST THE
OTHER JAWBREAKER?
FACE IT, ORVILLE. YOU FAILED.
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.
TAKE THAT!
HEY, SLOW DOWN, PARTNER!
WE STILL GOT ONE TO EDDY!
THAT'S MY JAWBREAKER!
IT'S MINE!
TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF OUR JAWBREAKER!
HI.
[YELLING]
EXCUSE ME, ED BOYS,
BUT ROLF MUS
DISCIPLINE THE NUTTY BOAT.
YOU MAKE ROLF SICK.
IF YOU MUST QUARREL
OVER THE ORB OF RAPTURE,
IT MUST BE DONE WITH HONOR
A COMPETITION OF SHREWDNESS.
SOUNDS INTRIGUING.
A TOURNAMENT OF BRAVERY.
COULD YOU PULL MY FINGER, ROLF?
NO.
[ED CRIES]
RIVALRY FOR SUPREMACY
GIVES ME SHIVERS, SARAH.
SILENCE
AS OUR COMPETITORS MUS
BEAR ON ONE OBJECTIVE:
TO BALANCE THESE EGGS
WITHIN THE LADLE OF VALOR.
Double "D": OH, DEAR.
CAREFUL THERE, PAL.
NOT EASY, I TELL YOU, AS
THEY MUST SKEDADDLE DOWN
AND CIRCLE THE GOAT OF MATURITY,
SKEDADDLE BACK TO FINISH,
AND CLAIM THE BALL OF SWEETNESS.
MMM. MMM. MMM.
GLADIATORS READY!
PREPARE YOURSELVES!
[SQUIRTING NOISES]
HEH HEH HEH.
BE STILL, MY HEART.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING OUT THERE?
Nazz: IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY'RE CHEATING.
AW, THIS IS GOING TO BE RAD.
AND
GO.
LAST ONE OUT'S A ROTTEN EGG!
ONE DOWN AND ONE
DOUBLE "D" TO GO.
HA HA HA HA!
CRASH! HA HA HA!
Sarah: HEY, ROLF, ARE YOU BLIND?
Jonny: THEY'RE
BREAKING THE RULES.
YES. A FINE PERFORMANCE.
CLICHE CARTOON ANTICS, EDDY?
IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?
IT'S IN THE BAG. HA HA HA!
WHAT THE BRAVO!
YEAH!
Sarah: HOLY MACKEREL!
WITTY. VERY WITTY.
HUH?
HEY, DOUBLE "D,"
YOU GOT GRASS
STAINS ON YOUR SOCK.
CURSE THIS
PASTURE-RELATED PLANT.
COULD THIS BE?
SEE YOU, SAP!
YES! PHYSIQUE!
[LAUGHS]
OH, EDDY! YOUR HAIR
IS ON BACKWARDS
UM, OR STAINED. UM
YES. GO ON, ED BOY.
EDDY! OH, LOOK, IT'S ROLF!
GIVE IT UP, ED.
HEY, GOOD-LOOKIN'.
WHAT'S COOKIN'?
HEY, I AIN'T DONE LOOKIN' YET.
NARCISSISTIC NINNY.
HUH?
NICE SPILL, DORK.
THE GOAT OF MATURITY
IS A DIFFICULT MANEUVER.
Ed: OH, EDDY!
WHAT?
I GOT CRANBERRY SAUCE.
SUCKERS.
EDDY'S ON THE HOMESTRETCH.
I'D BE CAREFUL IF
I WERE YOU, EDDY.
Ed: OH, EDDY!
[LAUGHS]
DOUBLE "D" IS GOING TO WIN!
I AM?
I AM!
IN YOUR DREAMS, BUZZ BOY.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, YOU.
Eddy: DON'T MESS WITH THE BEST.
WELL, EDDY,
YOU HAVE YET TO
MESS WITH THE REST.
Ed: OH, EDDY!
ED, SHUT UP.
THE SIMPLE ED BOY IS VICTOR!
Ed: HI, MOM.
ED, REMIND ME TO
LEND YOU SOME FLOSS.
FOLLOW THAT JAWBREAKER, ED.
HEY, IT'S MINE, DOUBLE "D"!
Ed: EDDY OR NOT, HERE I COME!
TOUCHDOWN!
WHERE'S THE JAWBREAKER?
OH, DEAR. ED!
IT IS LOST, GUYS.
Eddy: FIND IT, ED.
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
COME BACK, SLOVAK JAWBREAKER,
WHEREVER YOU ARE!
Double "D": OH, LET'S GO HOME.
I'M SOAKED TO THE MARROW.
OUR MOTHERS MUS
BE WORRIED SICK.
BESIDES, THE JAWBREAKER
WOULD SURELY HAVE
DISSOLVED BY NOW.
I ALMOST HAD IT!
BUT YOU HAD TO BE A
MR. GOODY-GOODY-TWO-SHOES.
"LET'S SHARE IT."
Ed: FOUND IT!
ED?
I FOUND IT, GUYS!
OH, MAN, HE'S ALREADY EATEN IT!
BUT IT IS SO GOOD, EDDY.
TELL ME, ED, WHAT FLAVOR IS IT?
DOES IT TASTE LIKE A FIST?
UH, NO. IT SORT OF
TASTES LIKE CHICKEN.
TRY SOME.
AAH! AAH!
NO? OKEY-DOKEY.
ED, YOU LET THA
POOR CREATURE OU
RIGHT THIS MIN GEE,
ED, YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
I WISH I WAS YOU.
YEP.
LIFE IS GOOD, EDDY. YUM.
ED, EDD N EDDY.
BRRR! YEAH!