Fuller House (2016) s03e08 Episode Script

1 La, la, la, la, la, la Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy The evening TV Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a heart A hand to hold onto Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a face Somebody who needs you Everywhere you look When you're lost out there And you're all alone A light is waiting to carry you home Everywhere you look La, la, la, la, la, la Oh, good morning.
How's my little genius? Daijoubu desu.
That means "I'm fine" in Japanese.
Very impressive.
But I was talking to Jackson.
Ubaya wangu.
That means "My bad" in Swahili.
I'm learning that, too.
Ready to do your business? This time, Cosmo, you put it in the bag.
Jackson, are you ready to ace that history final? I am so ready.
I know all the answers.
Go ahead.
Ask me anything about Hamilton.
How do I get tickets? - It's impossible.
- That's correct.
How was the disputed Hayes-Tilden election of 1876 decided? By the Representatives in exchange for federal troops leaving the south, thus ending Reconstruction.
Nailed it! You are so ready.
I know! I've never had this feeling before a test.
I can't describe it.
It's called being prepared.
Whoa! Thanks, Mom.
[STEPHANIE AND DJ.]
Good luck! Good morning.
Who ordered bagels and a baby? - [BOTH.]
Aww.
- Well, I'll take that baby.
Hi.
- You look so cute! - You look so cute! Hey! [ALL.]
Oh! Tommy, we would never forget you.
Look at Tommy.
[BOTH COO OVER TOMMY.]
Excuse me.
How come no one's fussing over me? [BOTH.]
Look at Max.
I know that was insincere.
But I really enjoyed it! I didn't know you were coming up.
Well, I miss you guys.
I'm gonna spend the day with Stephanie.
- You and I can hang out tonight.
- Oh, great.
But aren't you supposed to be on TV with Dad in ten minutes? I took a vacation day.
Because I need a vacation from your father.
You ready? Come on, Steph, let's go.
I have a car waiting outside.
- Bye, you guys.
- [DJ.]
Bye-bye! So, where to first? We're gonna start with pedicures, then stop by this art gallery.
You'll pop in and get a pelvic ultrasound, then it's off to the Wharf.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
What, you don't like the Wharf? Everybody likes the Wharf.
I just thought I heard the word "pelvic ultrasound.
" I asked you if you wanted an appointment with a fertility specialist.
Yeah, and I said I needed time to think about it.
Well, time's up.
I know how much you want to be a mom.
It can't hurt to get a second opinion.
I've already been told I can't have kids.
But this doctor is amazing.
My friend thought she couldn't, now she's pumping out babies like a T-shirt cannon at a Warriors game.
Well, when you express it so poetically, how could I say no? [POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
When do we start? Wanna have some fun Everybody down for that Rollin' like a star Get your party on Never gonna hold it back Dress it up, work that What you got? Gotta keep it hot tonight The way that we do, we do, we do The way that we do it right Thank you.
Thank you.
I was clapping for Ramona.
Oh, yes.
She was good, too.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I got this one.
It's always open! I'm back! Hi, you guys.
We're on a little road trip, and we decided to surprise my favorite family.
Hold the phone.
Did I just hear you say "we"? Oh, I hope you mean the woodchuck puppet.
Hello! Hello! Hello! Wazzup? He's going through a little rebellious phase.
Oh, joy.
It's the Gladstone Four.
Oh! Look at them.
They're so happy, they're speechless.
All right, boys, why don't you go upstairs and play with Max? [SHOUTS.]
Stay out of my room! Let's go up the back way! This house has too many stairs! Girls, why don't you hang with Ramona? I really need to practice.
My dance audition is in a couple hours.
Perfect.
They can be the judges.
We're very judgmental.
Please, Ramona.
We really want to see you dance.
Well, OK.
[MUSIC STARTS.]
Rollin' like a star Get your party on Never gonna hold it back [MOCKINGLY.]
"My name's Ramona, and I like dancing!" "With my arms and my legs!" They're hilarious.
[MAX SHOUTING.]
Help! Help! They TP'ed you! My kids are hysterical! Your kids are sociopaths.
[RAMONA SHOUTING.]
Help! Help! What are my little angels up to now? [PHYLLIS AND JOAN LAUGH.]
[KIMMY.]
Sweet cheese! [PHYLLIS AND JOAN SCREAM.]
Ramona, what happened? I don't know.
It all happened so fast.
[MOCKINGLY.]
"It all happened so fast.
" Should I call the police? The carpet, the Let's go play in their rooms! [GLADSTONES SCREAM.]
The mummy and the carpet and the Aren't they the best? [SIGHS.]
- You really think so? - No, they're the worst.
Kimmy, I've had them all by myself for a week.
I don't want them anymore.
I am this close to leaving them at a fire station.
I used to be just like you.
An easy-going pushover, desperate for my kid to like me.
Well, that's the only reason I had kids.
So four more people would like me.
Joey, come sit down.
You know, sometimes being a good parent means setting boundaries, with real consequences.
Yeah, but tomorrow, we're supposed to go to Disneyland.
Well, perfect.
If they don't behave, tell them they can't go.
Yeah, but then I don't get to go.
Kimmy, I love Disneyland! Well, then you need to ask yourself, what do you love more, Disneyland or your kids? Well, it depends.
Is Space Mountain open or closed? So, what did you find out, Dr.
Chung? Please, Dr.
Chung is my father.
Call me Dr.
Elizabeth Chung.
I have your results here.
And I have some intriguing news.
What's so intriguing? Well [PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, sorry.
It's my husband.
Hi, honey.
Just make sure it's two-ply and ultra-plush.
Just look for the kind with the cartoon bears.
Now, you were about to tell us something intriguing? Well, Stephanie, you have a few viable eggs.
Heck, yeah, she does! Yes, but Ah! There's a but.
Of course there's a but.
Is it a small but or a big but? Stephanie, as you know, you cannot get pregnant.
However, through in vitro, you could try with a surrogate.
Heck, yeah, she can! Wow.
This is so crazy.
I mean, all this time, I thought there was no hope at all.
But now suddenly there is? Well, there's no guarantee, and since you only have a few viable eggs left, you'll want to start the process ASAP.
But there's really a chance I could be a mom? Heck, yeah, you can be a mom! - I could be a mom! - Yeah! [PHONE RINGS.]
- Oh, my God.
- Nate, seriously, honey? You could be a mom! Oh, my God.
She could be a mom! You could be a mom! Whoo! Aren't you supposed to be at work? I'm on lunch.
When Jackson makes it home from school, I'm throwing him a party.
Just for finding his way home? You'll throw a party for anything.
Great news! We crushed it! I won't know if I got in for a couple weeks, but I crushed it! Honey! I'm so proud of you.
- And you are proud of me? - What did you do? I drove her down there.
Fine, I'm proud of you, too.
There, was that so hard? Mom, you threw a party for me? Sure did.
Then why does the cake say, "Congratulations, Jackson"? That is the worst typo I have ever seen.
Hello, everyone.
Oh.
There's my summer school star.
Oh, Mom! You threw a party for me? Sure did.
Read the cake.
Oh, Mom! I'm beginning to think this is not my party.
In that case, we shall take our Dancing Queen to her Burger King.
Where we can have it our way.
So, how'd it go? I think somebody made history in their history class.
As in my first "A!" You got an A? Which, I've been told, is the highest letter you can get.
The results should be online.
Oh, I'm so happy! Where do you want to go for your dinner? Arby's.
Anywhere at all.
Arby's.
- Any place you want.
- Arby's.
Hey, is there a chance that I could get into Har-vard or Dart-mouth? Honey, it's Harvard and Dartmouth.
Hmm.
Nah.
That doesn't sound right.
Hey.
This can't be right.
Jackson, it says you got an "F.
" What? How is this possible? You knew that material inside and out.
I don't know what happened.
Something isn't right.
And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
We're gonna go down to your school right now.
I am so upset.
I may exceed the speed limit by three to five miles an hour.
But I probably won't.
[BECKY.]
Yay! You were awfully quiet on the way home.
Are you OK? Yeah.
Yeah, I've just been thinking.
You know.
I mean, what if I go to all this trouble and find a donor, and then a surrogate, and after all that, it still doesn't work? Oh, Steph.
It's one thing to look back and say, "I wish this would have worked.
" But you don't want to say, "I wish I would have tried.
" Because who knows? You might just get one of these! Come here, you! [STEPHANIE.]
That's not fair.
I don't even know how much all this costs.
It's got to be expensive.
Before you make a decision, get the facts.
All right.
But can we keep this just between us? I don't want to get everyone's hopes up.
Especially mine.
I understand.
And if anyone can keep a secret, it's me and Tommy.
Right, Tommy? Shh.
Shh.
- Down.
- There you go.
Down, down.
- Go, go, go! Hurry! - [STEPHANIE.]
Go down the slide.
[BECKY.]
Not too fast.
Hey! What you doing? [TOMMY.]
Slide down.
[PAMELA BABBLES.]
Welcome to our staged reading of "The Diary of Max Fuller.
" I can't believe we got front-row seats, last minute! Get.
Me.
Down.
Hush! No talking during the performance.
Wait.
I'm sorry.
I "Dear Diary," when I marry my girlfriend, Rose, I'll wear a slim-fit tux by Hugo Boss, with a turned-out lapel and a third button.
Will I outshine the bride? "Not my problem.
" She would not like that [LEWIS.]
No, she would not.
OK, Joey.
There's a new sheriff in town.
His name is Tough Love Gladstone.
I can do this.
[IN COWBOY VOICE.]
I'm gonna run those bad-behaving varmints right out of this here town.
[LAUGHING.]
[AS COWBOY.]
Listen, you whippersnappers.
Things are gonna change around these here parts.
They are? I can't do this.
Sheriff Tough Love isn't very tough.
You know what happens to spoiled kids who do whatever they want? - What? - They become Kardashians! And they build a brand, and they become millionaires.
That sounds pretty good.
Watch this.
All right Gladstones, listen up! No more messing around.
If any of you misbehave even one more time, there will be no Disneyland.
[ALL GASP.]
Am I clear? - Yes, Dad.
- [LEWIS.]
Of course.
Yes, Daddy.
That's more like it.
[MAX SQUEALING.]
[GLADSTONE FOUR SQUEALING.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you guys doing? It's our secret language.
- It means we love you.
- Yeah.
[MAX SQUEALING.]
Well, then I [SQUEALING.]
you, too.
[LAUGHS.]
You have no idea what you've done.
You will rue the day you awoke the sleeping dragon.
[SHOUTS.]
Vengeance will be [LEWIS.]
See ya! - [JOAN.]
See ya forever! - Bye! [PHYLLIS.]
Bye-bye.
Toodles! [SOBS.]
Mr.
Byenberg.
My tuna fish sandwich.
This is Oh! You're not really gonna eat that? No.
That would be disgusting.
Excuse me.
I'm here to talk about my son.
Can I just wait in the car? No.
Jackson's grade did not reflect the work that he put in.
He is smart and capable, and he already had his sights set on Har-vard.
Harvard.
Look, Jackson was ready for that test, and I know because I quizzed him.
And yet, he failed.
So If it wasn't his fault and it wasn't mine, then whose fault could it be? Jackson's score was not my fault.
How do you explain it? I was confused, too.
So, I regraded it by hand.
It turns out, he started on line two, instead of line number one.
You knucklehead.
Which means he actually got a 94.
You genius! I'm so happy for Jackson, I could smile.
Go ahead.
He is.
I'm proud of you.
I am so sorry, that I just You know, you teachers are underpaid, and you're doing God's work.
You're a good man, Mr.
Byenberg.
I'm actually dating someone.
She's a very lucky woman.
Yeah, I [JACKSON.]
Yeah.
Let's Oh, Kimmy, look at them clean.
All because they're scared they won't get to go to Disneyland.
I told you.
The secret to good parenting is to figure out what they love most and then threaten to take it away.
Father, you have lint on your shirt.
May we? Yes, you may, my little fuzz-busters.
Can we go to Disneyland now? Father? Yes, we can! [EXCITED SCREAMING.]
Joey, look what the Badstones did to my dinosaur.
And my collectible Cabbage Patch dolls.
They ripped their heads off and switched their bodies.
We did not do that.
[MOCKINGLY.]
"We did not do that.
" It's not cute when you do it.
"It's not cute when you do it.
" OK.
All right.
All right.
OK.
Max, Ramona, I'm sorry about your toys.
I'll get them replaced, OK? As for you four, there will be no Disneyland.
- What? - [JERRY.]
That's not fair! [JOEY.]
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That's right.
We're staying here tonight.
Wait a minute! They're staying? So, we destroyed a pterodactyl and a Cabbage Patch doll for nothing? Hold on.
You ripped the heads off? That's right.
And we'd do it again.
Anything to get back at these creatures from the Blond Lagoon.
Wait a minute.
That means my kids were good, and that means we're going to Disneyland! [EXCITED SQUEALING.]
What are you two so happy about? They're leaving! Get your party hats on.
I made Jackson wait until we were ready.
[SHOUTS.]
Jackson! Your surprise party's starting again! Act surprised! - Hey, guys.
- Hi.
[BECKY.]
Hey! Congratulations? You told them there's a chance I could have a baby? Stephanie This is exactly what I was afraid of.
You guys would make way too big a deal out of it, with balloons and party hats and a cake that says "Congratulations, Jackson!" Oh! You know.
Never mind.
There's a chance you could have a baby? And I'm going to Disneyland? What a day! Well, there's a possibility, with the help of a surrogate, that Stephanie can have a baby.
[JOEY.]
That is amazing.
Amazing news! No, just hold on, OK? Don't get too excited, because I've decided that I'm not doing it.
- [BECKY.]
Steph.
- [ALL.]
What? - [JOEY.]
Wait.
- [DJ.]
Hey.
Why not? Wow! A Jackson-is-a-genius party? I had no idea.
You guys.
Hey, if I'm gonna act surprised, you guys can at least act happy.
Steph, I need to talk to you.
As long as it's not about a baby.
It's about a baby.
You have to give it a try.
Isn't that my decision? Not if you're hesitating because of money.
Becky, I looked into this.
There's no way I can afford it.
Yes, there is a way.
Come on in, guys! [JOEY.]
Hey.
- [KIMMY.]
Hey.
- Hi.
[STEPHANIE.]
Hey.
What's going on? Well, we all want to chip in and help out.
I spoke to Jesse, we're supporting you every step of the way.
And the Gladstones are in.
The Gibblers are in, too.
And so is Fernando.
I know Kimmy was speaking for both of us, but I just wanted to talk.
And I talked to Dad.
He said, "Whatever Stephanie needs.
" Wow.
[TOMMY.]
Steph.
Here.
[STEPHANIE.]
Aww! Thank you.
Well, looks like we're all in.
Thank you, you guys.
I This is so beautiful.
I didn't expect you to do this for me.
I don't know what to say.
Well, how about, "I'll give it a try"? OK.
- I'll give it a try.
- [ALL CHEERING.]
Hey, are we still going out for my I'm-a-genius dinner? You bet we are.
We have a lot to celebrate.
Where should we go? Arby's! Any place at all.
Arby's! - Let's put our heads together.
- Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Arby's! Mom, don't worry.
I'll call and make a reservation.
Something tells me he's not getting into Har-vard.
[DJ.]
Steph, yay! - [WOMAN.]
One, two, three, four - [THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
La, la, la, la, la, la [VOCALIZES.]