George Lopez (2002) s03e08 Episode Script

So, what's the big deal about this quincean? Hoo-ha.
It's called a quinceañera.
It's like a Latina debutante ball.
When a girl becomes a woman.
Like a Sweet 16 but you do it when you're 15.
I did it when I was 14.
You had a quinceañera? Okay.
- Hey, kids.
CARMEN: Hi, Dad.
- Hey.
JASON: Hi, Mr.
Lopez.
Oh, what you got there? Oh, Angie's dry cleaning.
Oh, that's so nice.
[MAKES WHIPPING NOISES.]
You wouldn't know that whip sound.
That's how they get you in the barn at night.
God, I wish I could figure out this stupid dress.
I wouldn't spend too much time on it.
That dress is just gonna end up in the backseat of that guy's car, anyway.
- Mom! - What? Why's Carmen making a dress, anyway? Well, she wants to spare you some money.
You're spending so much on that quinceañera.
What? There's not gonna be a quinceañera.
Oh, now, that's not what Angie says.
Well, that's what I say.
She knows we can't afford a big party.
Thought she called it off.
Well, don't you worry your pretty big head about it.
You know, your husband's working.
She could pay for it.
Oh, no.
She's home.
And you, with no dinner on the table.
Tsk.
Yeah, put an apple in your mouth, jump in the oven and I'll serve that.
- I thought you called off the quinceañera.
- Why would you think that? I don't know.
Because I'm out of work and we can't afford it? Honey, we can't get the deposit back on the hall and the invitations have gone out, and we have people flying in.
But this is crazy.
Your salary is barely covering our bills.
If we cancel, it'll devastate her.
Again? Like that time her lip gloss rolled under the refrigerator? We're not wasting our money on some party.
You're thinking about this the wrong way.
We are creating memories for our daughter.
- How is that a waste? - "Creating memories for our daughter.
" [SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
Well, the party can't be canceled.
Yes, it can, and it will be.
You give her the news, I'm not going to.
- I'll do it.
- Go break your daughter's heart.
I'll break her heart.
I'll do it right now.
I'm like that, Angie.
Watch out.
Heartbreaker.
So after the father-daughter dance, I'm officially a woman.
Oh.
So how soon can you start using your womanhood, huh? You go near her womanhood you'll be looking for your manhood at the bottom of the punch bowl.
- See you at school.
CARMEN: Bye, Jason.
- Hey, we need to talk.
- So, what do you think, Daddy? It's gonna be white, covered in faux pearls, and I'm gonna wear a tiara.
A tiara? Carmen, don't you think quinceañeras are little old-fashioned? Hells, no.
It's retro, bro.
Yeah, all my friends think it's cool.
It's gonna be the best party of the year.
Yeah, but, Carmen, we're Americans.
You know, we're assimilated.
How's that gonna look to the neighbors? Latino family having a quinceañera? I mean, it's so obvious.
That's one reason I don't get a leaf-blower.
Mexican and a leaf-blower? You know, who wants to see that? CARMEN: Oh - What's that for? I know money's tight.
I wanna thank you for giving me what I know is gonna be one of the greatest days of my life.
Yeah.
Memories.
Priceless.
Not actually priceless, but, there you are.
How'd she take it? I think we should tell her together.
I knew you couldn't do it.
Honey, listen.
After the bad stuff this family's been through it's about time we celebrate something.
Yeah, but what are we celebrating, Angie? All she did was turn 15.
I tell you what, let's save the money.
When she moves out, we'll have a party then.
We can all celebrate.
Listen.
I know it's hard for you to understand because you've never been a teenage girl.
My quinceañera, it was a day I will never forget.
I dressed up like Cinderella and my friends and I put on a big musical show and for one day, I was a princess.
You won't understand this because you've never been a man in debt, but who cares? George, we are having this party.
I don't wanna spend the money.
Well, it's not your decision.
Excuse me? I'm working.
You're not.
It's my money.
It's my decision.
That's it.
GEORGE: That's not it.
- I'm done talking about this.
- Well, I'm not done talking about it.
You're lucky I gotta put fabric softener in the rinse cycle or this could get ugly.
It already has, princess.
CARMEN: Oh, Mom? I wanna mention Jason in my speech but I can't decide what to call him.
If I call him my boyfriend, it might freak him out.
But if I call him my friend, he might think I don't care about him.
Should I just call him my special friend? Just keep it low-key.
When you talk about your friends, mention Jason too and then right after you say his name look at him and give him a little smile.
Oh, that's good.
Okay.
I'd like to thank all my friends for coming.
Michelle, Olivia, Taylor, Katy and Jason.
Should I take a bigger pause? I should.
I'll take a bigger pause.
Should I take a bigger piece of cake? I should.
I'll take a bigger piece of cake.
Shut up, idiot.
Come on, special cake.
You're my special, special CARMEN: Shut up.
Listen, honey.
I've been thinking.
I got a little carried away yesterday.
I know you're in a weird place because you're not working now.
I should have been more sensitive.
Look, Carmen can have her quinceañera, okay? I don't wanna deny my daughter.
- But just don't go overboard, okay? - Okay.
[RATTLING.]
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
A one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five [DANCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I could've sworn I planted the gay dancers in the front yard.
They're rehearsing the intro for Carmen's calypso number.
Guys, do you mind starting from the beginning so we can both see? Sure.
[CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO.]
Five, six, seven, eight.
ANGIE: That was great.
Wasn't that great? We're doing kind of an under-the-sea thing.
Just picture them dressed as sea horses.
And at the end of the number Carmen comes out of a giant oyster shell.
That's great.
Now, picture us as homeless people pushing the giant oyster shell, collecting cans.
George.
I know you're mad at me, but get over it.
This is not about us anymore.
This is about Carmen.
And I am not gonna let you ruin this for her.
George.
They're closing down the factory for good.
Jack's going on the lam.
- How do you know that? - Well, I went down to Thirsty's.
And Ernie told me that Frank told him that Gina saw Jack at the airport buying a ticket.
That's it.
It's over.
We can't have the quinceañera.
My job's gone.
Do you two hear yourselves? You're being ridiculous.
We're being investigated for a crash that killed two people.
The owner of the company is fleeing the country.
What other explanation is there? He's going on vacation, and a bunch of drunks at a bar jumped to a conclusion? I heard he had a straw hat on.
That's it.
Why? Why is that it? Because if you're going on vacation, you buy the hat there.
If you're fleeing the country, you take the hat with you.
Think, Angie.
George, calm down.
Everyone is just getting scared because this investigation is taking a while.
You're worrying about things you don't know are true.
You're both acting crazy.
Now, if you'll excuse me there are tired sea horses in the backyard who need orange juice.
We're calling them sea horses now? [CHATTERING.]
[BLOWS THROUGH SHELL.]
[CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[CROWD CHEERING & APPLAUDING.]
[MUSIC ENDS.]
Ladies and gentlemen our beautiful birthday girl Carmen Consuelo Lopez.
[CROWD CHEERING & APPLAUDING.]
- Consuelo? - I know.
Somebody who was important to Angie from the past or something.
I don't know.
On behalf of my husband and myself and my guardian angel who is always with me my grandmother, Consuelo - Oh, yeah.
That's it.
- Oh.
- I'd like to thank everyone for joining us to celebrate our little girl's coming-of-age.
[CROWD CHEERING & APPLAUDING.]
I would also like to thank my husband, George [CROWD APPLAUDING.]
for all the love and emotional support he provided during the crazy party planning.
Now, please, everyone, enjoy yourselves.
[MUSIC RESUMES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- "Love and emotional support"? - George.
Why don't you tell everybody I don't have any money? I didn't say anything about money.
Look, you don't have to say it, Angie.
They know.
You're being ridiculous.
That was so cold, saying my son doesn't have any money.
I didn't say that.
Everyone knows that a man who has a job doesn't need to give his wife emotional support.
Do you think your only value to this family is a paycheck? That's my job in this family.
When I was a kid, Mom complained about how there wasn't a man to help with the bills.
A man isn't a man unless he's a provider.
I'm a hunter.
I'm a provider.
Hunter? You can't even give the dog eye drops.
If he looked away, I could.
I think what you can't handle is the fact that I'm the provider now.
Oh, no, what I can't handle is you making all the money decisions.
You think I liked deferring to you when you're the breadwinner? Well, no one should be deferring.
Agreed.
No more, "My money.
" Come on, it's our money.
We're a team.
Yes, we are.
Can I have everyone's attention, please? Um First, I would like to thank my parents.
Mom, Dad, I know that I don't tell you guys this enough but I really appreciate all the sacrifices that you make for me and I love you both.
CROWD: Aww Yesterday, I was a mere child, thinking childish thoughts.
[GEORGE SPEAKS IN SPANISH THEN ANGIE SHUSHES.]
But today, I am a woman, standing on the precipice of life's mysteries.
Ugh.
Keep them coming, and don't stop until I'm deaf in both ears.
CARMEN: And so this is the beginning of my journey.
To my friends thank you so much for being there.
Thank you, Michelle, Olivia, Taylor, Katy and Jason.
You are the radiant sun that wakes me up in the morning.
The glimmering moon that illuminates my dreams.
I love you more than life itself.
My Jason.
[CROWD APPLAUDING.]
Thank you, everyone.
Enjoy the rest of the party.
I think we're supposed to dance now.
Uh I'm allergic to shellfish.
I gotta go.
A little advice.
When it comes to men that is the enemy of those.
Will everyone please raise their glass in a toast for our birthday girl.
It seems like just yesterday she was standing on ERNIE: George, George! Dude, I just got a call from Jack.
He told me to tell you the investigation's over.
We're not responsible for the crash.
Pilot error.
We're going back to work.
- I'm going back to work? - Yeah.
Great news, I didn't kill anyone.
And I'm not here for emotional support.
I'm a provider again.
The hunter's back.
A toast to pilot error.
CROWD: To pilot error! Oh, yeah, and Carmen.
CROWD: Carmen! Everybody, enjoy the quinceañera.
- Isn't that great? I got my job back.
- Yes.
But what was that about "The hunter's back"? Oh, we have my salary, this party's not gonna kill us Carmen ended up making a fool out of herself.
Everything is back to normal.
But we're still gonna share the financial decisions, right? Angie, let's not worry about that right now.
It's our daughter's quinceañera.
Enjoy! Enjoy! But it's still gonna be our money, right? Angie, what is it with you and money? We should be dancing.
- So we are still a team? - Yes.
We're a team.
And I'm the quarterback.
This is so not over.
You can still provide emotional support.
A conga line! [CONGA MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Why the sad face? Dad, I called Jason, like,15 times, and he hasn't called me back.
Carmen, let me teach you a little something about boys your age.
Never tell them what they mean to you.
Never, ever say, "I love you.
" And never, ever do this while coming out of a giant clam.
Look, just give Jason some space and some time.
He'll get over it.
How long should I wait? Why don't you wait till he calls you back? You can have some more boyfriends maybe a husband, a few kids.
Carmen, it's over.
Move on.
George, I think the motor on the washing machine is shot.
Do you think we should get a new one? No, I'll try to fix it again.
Don't wanna spend money now.
Okay.
It's your decision.
My decision was to buy a new one.
I had it put in this morning.
Without talking to me? Yep.
I wrote a check off our joint account.
Oh-ho-ho.
Okay, I get it.
You're still upset about me being the quarterback.
You know, you're right.
We should be a team.
Yes, we should.
Now, what kind of washer did you want? - Top loader or front loader? - Top loader.
Oh So close.
Tsk.
[CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[MUSIC ENDS.]
Hey, all right.
What a crowd.
What a crowd.
Look at this room, huh? It looks like Neptune had a yard sale.
[LAUGHING.]
It's like making my entrance from the urinal at the Seafood Broiler.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, Ernie.
Call your mom.
Tell her I found half of her bikini top.
[LAUGHS THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY.]
George, I've been waiting in the car.
Are you coming or not? No.
I paid these sea horses till midnight.
Okay, boys, one more time.
And this time, with heart, honey.
[CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Try to keep up.