Grace and Frankie (2015) s03e08 Episode Script
The Alert
1 [Grace Potter's "Stuck In The Middle" playing.]
Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh, ooh Grace, Grace, we're in Flapper! Look at We're the top story on their website! Look at the headline! "They've Fallen But They Can Still Get Off.
" [squeals.]
Oh, God.
Why did you have to tell her we were on the floor all day? Because I took my back pill and it makes me delightful and chatty.
- You know this, Grace.
- Ooh! Scroll down! "After a few test-drives with their new vibrator" designed for those of us of a certain age, "I'm happy to report I cannot wait to get older.
" [squeals.]
This is incredible! We have to build on this momentum.
Look at our website.
If this is so good for our business, why do we have only 18 visitors? - And I'm 12 of them.
- Just be patient.
The article was just posted.
We know what a tough sell this is.
I know all about tough sells.
That's why my car kite never took off.
Is that a kite you fly out of your car? Patent pending.
Don't try to steal it.
[sighs.]
I've been wanting to do that since we remodeled.
- [chuckles.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
There's that "happy to satisfy and I'll be "on my way" thing that I love.
Can we do the thing that I love? Sure.
You're free to go.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, I think you're a little short.
[sighs.]
I'm so sorry, there was a kid who was selling candy bars for his basketball team and I wadded up a 20 and threw it at him.
- Do you want a giant Kit Kat? - Yes.
And the $20.
Okay.
There's an ATM machine downstairs.
I will come down with you.
You can get me next time.
How's Wednesday? I can't Wednesday.
I have a standing appointment.
Oh.
Cool.
And so do you put us all in your phone under code names? - Am I "Blondie"? - [chuckles.]
No.
You're "Brianna Three.
" See ya.
Robert, I'm going! Can you pick up a rotisserie chicken on the way home? That's quite a look.
It's dance rehearsal day.
They told us we need to get used to the shoes.
So do I.
You see We piddle, twiddle and resolve Not one damn thing do we solve Piddle, twiddle and resolve Nothing's ever solved In foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy Philadelphia [chuckles.]
Hey! That looked sort of right! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
This is a rehearsal I wish I didn't have to miss.
You wouldn't have to if you weren't so hell-bent on working the rest of your life.
Only three days a week for the rest of my life.
Well, I'm just saying, you too could be wearing buckle shoes on a Tuesday morning.
May I remind you I didn't get cast.
And Bud needs our help.
We can't dump the whole firm in his lap then leave him stranded so we can both go off and "piddle and twiddle.
" I'm not just "piddling and twiddling," I am also fighting for the 13 colonies to declare independence, but no biggie.
Well, I'm trying to hold off a civil war between the Clarksons.
Mine is more important.
Robert, yours involves singing and dancing.
Obviously, it's more important.
Thank you.
[door opens, closes.]
Hello there, Moms.
Hey! What are you doing here? I saw the article.
[gasps.]
Grace, we've got a hit! It's just Bud, but it counts.
- You read it? - Yeah, I read it.
Coyote read it.
Brianna and Mallory read it, too.
Pretty impressive, huh? Wasn't that a fun way to have our company drop into the world? Yeah, it's fun.
Fun, fun, fun.
Uh, it made a big impression on all of us.
Uh In fact, we got you both a gift.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Say hello to your new best friends.
Panic Alerts.
I have enough best friends.
This seems like a joke, but I don't get it.
You were stuck on the floor for an entire day.
Honestly, I didn't have such a bad time.
You couldn't even reach a phone.
We're all very concerned.
Bud, you know how much I love gifts, but keep the drama for your adult Quidditch league.
No one in this house is wearing a Panic Alert.
It's not even aesthetically pleasing.
Although, to be honest, I do have an outfit it could go with.
Hey, this isn't your mother's Panic Alert.
These babies have GPS.
I mean, you can collapse anywhere! It doesn't have to be the kitchen anymore.
You could be in the woods, getting attacked by a bear, and the EMTs would be right there.
Thank you, Bud.
It's completely unnecessary and I hate it, but thank you.
How does this even work? - Wait, wait, don't hit that! - [woman.]
Ms.
Bergstein? - Is someone living in here? - Is everything all right there? It most certainly is not, unwelcome stranger.
Uh, new client.
False alarm.
Thanks for checking.
Not a problem.
Have a good day.
You gave her something with a button? You've been in an elevator with her, you know she has no impulse control.
Fair point.
But, Mom Agh.
Nope.
No sale.
Imagine if you'd been alone, and you ended up on the floor all day with no one to help you and something dire happens.
I would never be able to forgive myself, ever.
Oh, Bud I mean, if you don't want to do it for you, then, please, do it for me.
This house is made of stairs.
You've got to go down 30 stairs just to get to the front door.
What are you looking at me for? She does them in heels.
- Hey, keep my heels out of this.
- Why do you keep wearing them? They're my trademark.
That's like asking Frankie not to dress like she's going on a granola run for her cult.
You're putting yourself at more risk.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Fine.
Fine.
Maybe you're both right.
Maybe this is the time to start compromising for safety's sake.
You know, vanity be damned.
But I just I don't know what to do with them.
Oh, here's something.
I think she's warming up to it.
Good morning, Joan-Margaret.
Morning, string bean.
There.
Um I think this is your personal mail from home.
Oh, for the love of Pete.
I'm sorry, wrong pile.
Not that I'm conducting personal business on company time.
[both chuckling.]
Oh! "Sol Days" in the office are my favorite because of the laughs.
And the work.
Work? Work, work.
Now I know where Bud gets it from.
I think I had to make a few less notes and corrections this week.
That's a good sign.
Is he doing okay otherwise? Sol, let me tell you something.
If you had told me all those many years ago that the little boy who stuffed my Tic Tacs up his nose was gonna become my boss someday I would have believed you.
So So, good? So good.
Okay.
Bye.
Thank you.
Hey, Dad.
Whoa.
[chuckles.]
Sorry, probably shouldn't kiss the boss.
Or your 32-year-old man-son.
Can I get a copy of this, please? When you get a chance.
- Coming right up.
- Thank you.
As soon as I freshen my Sanka.
Sanka? Sanka? Sanka? - I'll have a I'll have a splash.
- We're good.
She cracks me up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep.
Too bad I have to let her go.
Oh, there you are.
I, um I need to talk to you.
Oh, I cannot believe you're wearing that thing.
Yeah, I know, but maybe Bud's right.
We wouldn't have had to do all that crawling to the phone if I had one of these.
He's also right about the bears.
When do you ever go into the woods? Bears are everywhere now.
There's a drought.
They're coming for our water and picnic baskets.
This wonderful article comes out, and instead of "Hey, congratulations, let's pop out the champagne," they give us Panic Alerts.
They meant well.
But when everybody sees these around our necks, they're going to look at us and say, "Oh, poor old lady, she lives all alone.
She has medical conditions.
" Nobody's gonna say that.
Nobody thinks of us as "poor old ladies.
" Oh, yeah? What about your friends? What are you talking about? Judy and Peter.
They called me "Poor Grace" at your art show.
Maybe they said "pour Grace," like "Pour Grace another martini.
" Or "Whore Grace.
" I realize that's not a compliment, but it's a lot better than "Poor Grace.
" I know what they meant.
I don't want people to look at me that way.
I want them to look at me and say, "There's the lady that created a business in her 70s.
" But we're doing that.
Yeah, but it's not happening.
Frankie, we have a great product, but there's a lot we don't have.
We don't have capital, infrastructure, distributors The snacks, the mascot, the theme song I thought you were writing the theme song.
It's gonna be late.
I have an idea.
You're not gonna like it.
Oh.
Okay.
Out of respect for our friendship, would you let me tender my resignation instead of just firing me? Frankie, you're an equal partner.
You can't be fired.
- Really? - [chuckles.]
Because I was under the impression I could fire you.
Just hear me out.
I got an e-mail this morning from an old colleague, Mimi Becker.
She runs Purple Orchid.
- Purple what? - Oh, it's a big company that specializes in adult romance and intimacy products.
They have all the resources in place that we need.
So she would be just like our partner? If she's interested, yes.
I did like it being just you and me.
Yeah, I know.
I do, too.
But this is the only way I can think to make it work.
[sighs.]
Okay.
Thanks.
But only if you promise to love me more than you love her.
- [chuckles.]
- Tell me you love me.
I love you.
Tell me you love me.
Tell me you love You're fired.
You cannot fire Joan-Margaret! Not fire.
Ease out.
She's an institution here.
You can't just put her out to pasture.
Dad, she's been in the pasture for years.
She's past the pasture! I cannot believe my own son is being so ageist.
Dad, look at the cup of Sanka Joan-Margaret just brought me.
That's how she makes it.
It's water.
But she's been here since the beginning.
Of time! The other day, she brought me a document with those tissues she keeps under her sleeve stapled to the first page.
Those are her "Joan-Margarets.
" Robert and I had fun with all of her little slips.
How about this? I asked her to go down to the coffee shop and order me a BLT for lunch.
- And? - Look.
That's my BLT! [sighs.]
You always have to order two, Bud.
[scoffs.]
Really, Dad? I have to accommodate her? I need to let her go.
- I can't agree with that.
- You know I'm right.
I can't agree with that, either.
Dad, this is my law firm now.
Don't I have the right to hire the people that I want to hire? Who do their jobs the way I need them to? Who actually help me out? - [sighs.]
- [door opens.]
Bud, do you need anything? I'm gonna go out to lunch now.
I'm good.
Okay.
Oh, Mimi.
Grace.
Oh.
Thank you so much for meeting with us.
Are you kidding me? I am so happy to see you.
God, you look fabulous.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
Oh, this is my dear friend and partner in Vybrant.
- Frankie Bergstein.
- Yes.
Oh, I loved that piece on Flapper.
You are a hoot.
[chuckles.]
I know.
I really am.
- Well, won't you sit down? - Thank you.
Oh I'll swing it this way.
Grace Now I gotta say that I always knew that you would be back in the game someday.
Well, here I am.
[chuckles.]
Did she ever tell you about that conference in Denver? You mean the time we played hooky and spent the day in the swim-up bar? I started bartending.
No.
Drinking straight from a bottle of Sour Pucker is not bartending, Grace.
We drove here together.
What was that thing you said to me in the car? Sit facing forward? [laughs.]
Oh, that's so us.
Well, I have a confession to make.
When I read about your vibrator I thought, "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" Especially because we're trying to get into the older market.
They're so underserved.
- Oh - Oh, we are in complete agreement there.
This feels like it was meant to be.
Purple Orchid, purple dress, purple vibrator.
[chuckles.]
We're purple people.
Okay, I love your product.
I mean, I love your product.
Yeah, everybody who tries it does.
I think it could be really right for us.
But, you are targeting mature women, so the only challenge will be the marketing.
Honestly, that has been our biggest stumbling block.
Okay, my team has been working on this and I think that they might really be onto something.
So if you have time, I would love to bring them in here - and let them pitch their ideas to you? - Absolutely.
Okay.
Pitch to us.
As in, we don't have to do anything? Yes.
That's my favorite amount of things to do.
[chuckles.]
So glad we made these sister dates a thing, just me and you and your phone.
Sorry, um, I'm letting Coyote park his tiny house in front of ours for a while in exchange for watching the kids sometimes.
As in tonight.
Are you insane? He says everything's fine.
And he loves baby food.
Especially the pears.
How many times you think Frankie dropped him on his head as a baby? Like, ballpark.
Okay, say what you will, I think he might be better with the kids than Mitch.
Yeah.
Because he's on their level.
They seem him as a peer.
Hey is that your hooker? Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, is it weird seeing your prostitute out in public? No.
Yes.
I mean, he's not my prostitute.
Not just mine, obviously.
Should we go say "hi"? - I feel like we should go over - Stop.
- Whatever this is.
Stop.
- Do you want to leave? No.
Then he might see me.
I'm just gonna get out of his eyeline.
You know we don't have to do these sister dates.
Fine.
Vybrant is going to get our "prime push" because of the unique and exciting features of your vibrator.
You know, everyone wants the hot new toy, right? - [both chuckle.]
- Well, I know we do.
It's going to be a major national roll-out in stores and then worldwide online.
Major roll-out? Worldwide? Oh, my God, I am so excited.
Ms.
Bergstein, are you okay? You wore that thing? It's cool.
Nobody heard.
Ms.
Bergstein.
Do you need help? Ms.
Bergstein? I'm sorry, I'm wearing this phone thing around my neck and it goes off sometimes.
It's Japanese.
You've never heard of it.
Everything's fine, Myoko.
So, Mimi, you were saying? Well, you know, actually I was just about to turn it over to our marketing gurus, Evan and Katie.
Since it's such a unique product, we want to put a human face on it to make that personal connection.
In fact, we want to put you two front and center in the campaign.
- Fantastic.
- Oh, my heart is soaring.
So, we went ahead and borrowed some photos from your website, and we made some mock-ups just to give the flavor of the kind of campaign we're talking about.
Of course we'll do a proper photo shoot with you when the time comes.
[silent mouthing.]
This should give you a good idea of what we're going for.
I think they may have touched you up a bit, Grace.
[Grace laughs.]
Are you kidding? Eh We look 12 years old in those pictures! We've got others, too.
Oh, my God.
Amazing, right? I mean, it really says, "Vybrant.
" I thought you said you were interested in the older market.
Well, we are.
It's just that we want to reach out to women like us.
Like us now.
[Mimi.]
Yeah, but that's not how you sell it.
Look, the research is overwhelming.
Nobody wants to see older women on a vibrator box.
And nobody wants to see older women with anything sexy.
Not even older women! You and I both know this, Grace.
You know, sex is young.
- But we're older.
- [Frankie chuckles.]
Not anymore we're not.
Let me just explain to you how this could work.
- Okay.
- But Grace Yeah, no.
Let them finish, Frankie.
Yeah, the most important thing is we can get this out quickly.
Now we can help you realize every dream you have for this product.
We want to make the two of you the Ben & Jerry of vaginal stimulation.
Now how does that sound, huh? Well Ms.
Bergstein, if you can still hear me, the ambulance should be arriving soon.
Do not try to move.
Oh, God.
Thank you, Myoko.
[ambulance siren blaring.]
- Right away, ma'am.
- Thank you.
[chuckles.]
Did you lose your date? She's, uh in the restroom.
Oh, with my sister.
So, how much more of a fee is it for dinner? Because I might spring for that, too.
She's not paying.
Oh, does she have a coupon? No.
She's my wife.
Come on.
I know it probably seems weird to you, but she knows what I do.
She's okay with it.
She's not so thrilled with the idea of actually meeting one of my clients, however, so So, you do what you do with other women and then you go home and watch Scandal with her? We love Scandal.
We're really looking forward to next season.
Look I enjoy you.
But this is my job.
I need something more in my life.
Something that's real.
Don't you? - Perfect timing.
- [man.]
Your car, sir? What happened? Things got weird.
She had a hell of a run, Sol.
Sometimes it's time to say goodbye.
I know, I know And, you know, retiring isn't just about the person who's retiring.
It's about giving way to the natural order.
Giving other, younger people their chance.
I know your agenda, Mr.
Adams.
Real subtle.
She's just doing her little "Joan-Margarets.
" Forgetting things maybe a bit more than usual.
Yeah, but once the memory goes And you know, Sol, this is not the first time that you and I have talked about it being time for Joan-Margaret to retire.
When did we talk about it? When we were on our way to Butterfly Day at the Botanical Gardens.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
That was, like, two years ago.
Six years ago.
No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was.
I remember after the butterflies, I had a hot dog and a Fresca, which I ate while sitting on a green bench near the lilac bushes.
Okay, stop showing off.
[sighs.]
I feel terrible about this.
Sol "terrible" would be Bud not getting the kind of support and skilled help he deserves at his firm.
- You know what, you're right.
- Mm-hmm.
And I should be the one to let her go, not Bud.
She was our secretary first.
That's true.
You want me to come with you? Though I'd rather not because I'd probably cry.
No one deserves to be fired by someone in tiny buckle shoes.
[Robert.]
Mmm.
[guitar strumming softly.]
Oh, baby, oh, baby B-b-b-b-baby Oh, baby I want you all up in my life I want to make you mine - Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
How did you do that? I can never get them all to sleep at the same time.
Never.
- I played them some of my love songs.
- Ah.
Those songs I wrote that I hoped would incite passion in women all over the world? Put them right out.
I'd let you in to see them, but if we were all in there together, we might run out of oxygen.
[chuckles.]
It was mortifying! The EMTs rushed in like it was an emergency.
I can't have them doing that every time I don't answer the Panic Alert.
Mom, that's what they do.
Well, I really don't like it.
And it may be my imagination, but the dispatcher strikes me as a bit of a smart-ass.
It's supposed to bring you peace of mind.
It's actually done that for me.
Well, I guess your mind was so at ease that you didn't bother to call me since you gave me this thing.
Maybe these just provide a nice excuse for kids to not check in with their parents as much.
That is not what's happening here.
I think you gave me this contraption to keep you calm.
You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, Mom.
I'll call you more.
- I'll call you every day.
- Every day? Ugh.
I don't want to be tied to my phone.
Look, love ya.
Ultimately, there comes a point when it's time to hand it over to the leaders of tomorrow.
Sol, this must be so hard for you.
It is.
I get it.
I do.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So when are you leaving? Probably around 5:00.
No, I mean when are you retiring? [stammers.]
I I I'm not retiring.
Bud still needs me.
Sol, can I show you something? These are Bud's notes on your notes.
What? He goes back and has to correct your corrections.
He says you're changing the way he wants it done and he feels like you double his workload and slow him down.
Bugger off, Dad.
He said that? Well, that last bit I may have heard only in my head.
I just wanted to make sure he was successful.
Well, he's the one who has to make sure he's successful.
And truthfully, he's not the only one waiting for you to retire.
I've just been holding on for you, too.
Jesus, Sol, I've got to get out of here.
You've been staying for me? Well, and I might have a lien or two against my house.
But what are you waiting for? Robert wants you to retire, I want you to retire, and Bud needs you to.
How many times have I heard you tell a client, "When it's time, it's time"? I said that a lot.
In fact, I think I just said that to you a minute ago.
Sol it's time.
How'd it go? I'm Joan-Margaret.
What are you talking about? It's time for me, too.
I did it.
[whimpers.]
I'm retired.
Oh.
I cannot believe you're actually considering this.
What? You heard Mimi, this is a deal-breaker for her.
And from a business standpoint, she's right.
This is how you sell things.
And this is a way for us to be bigger than we ever could have imagined.
Who cares how big we are? [scoffs.]
I do.
I need a success! What kind of success do you want? Do you want people to say "Grace Hanson died rich"? Or "Grace Hanson did something for people like us"? "Grace Hanson died rich.
" [scoffs.]
Don't make me come over there, young lady.
I know.
I know, the second one sounds better.
We cannot forget who we started this for.
But I look so good.
- Oh, you look better now.
- Yeah, liar.
[scoffs.]
Back in the day this would be an easy "yes" for me, hands down.
But now, big decisions are becoming more about, I don't know "Will I regret it at the end?" I like where you're going with this.
We can't play a part in erasing the very women we made this for.
Bingo, baby.
Goodbye, Purple Orchid.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
We'll be as successful as we can be.
Just you and me and our little old lady business.
- [sighs.]
- [computer beeps.]
Grace, we've got 5,219 pre-orders on our website.
[gasps.]
That is more than $200,000! Oh, my God.
This means This means we can die rich.
Meet me up top.
[Soul Swingers' "Brighter Tomorrow" playing.]
- There's a brighter tomorrow - [cheering.]
Just around the bend Some will fall along the way While others will win - But if you have the faith - If you have the faith - Mmm, and the will to keep trying - Keep trying Life can be so rich Mmm, and very rewarding - There's a brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow - Yeah, show appreciation - There's a brighter tomorrow - A brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow - Have some inspiration - There's a brighter tomorrow - Yeah, a brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow [woman.]
Okay, good night.
Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh, ooh Grace, Grace, we're in Flapper! Look at We're the top story on their website! Look at the headline! "They've Fallen But They Can Still Get Off.
" [squeals.]
Oh, God.
Why did you have to tell her we were on the floor all day? Because I took my back pill and it makes me delightful and chatty.
- You know this, Grace.
- Ooh! Scroll down! "After a few test-drives with their new vibrator" designed for those of us of a certain age, "I'm happy to report I cannot wait to get older.
" [squeals.]
This is incredible! We have to build on this momentum.
Look at our website.
If this is so good for our business, why do we have only 18 visitors? - And I'm 12 of them.
- Just be patient.
The article was just posted.
We know what a tough sell this is.
I know all about tough sells.
That's why my car kite never took off.
Is that a kite you fly out of your car? Patent pending.
Don't try to steal it.
[sighs.]
I've been wanting to do that since we remodeled.
- [chuckles.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
There's that "happy to satisfy and I'll be "on my way" thing that I love.
Can we do the thing that I love? Sure.
You're free to go.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, I think you're a little short.
[sighs.]
I'm so sorry, there was a kid who was selling candy bars for his basketball team and I wadded up a 20 and threw it at him.
- Do you want a giant Kit Kat? - Yes.
And the $20.
Okay.
There's an ATM machine downstairs.
I will come down with you.
You can get me next time.
How's Wednesday? I can't Wednesday.
I have a standing appointment.
Oh.
Cool.
And so do you put us all in your phone under code names? - Am I "Blondie"? - [chuckles.]
No.
You're "Brianna Three.
" See ya.
Robert, I'm going! Can you pick up a rotisserie chicken on the way home? That's quite a look.
It's dance rehearsal day.
They told us we need to get used to the shoes.
So do I.
You see We piddle, twiddle and resolve Not one damn thing do we solve Piddle, twiddle and resolve Nothing's ever solved In foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy Philadelphia [chuckles.]
Hey! That looked sort of right! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
This is a rehearsal I wish I didn't have to miss.
You wouldn't have to if you weren't so hell-bent on working the rest of your life.
Only three days a week for the rest of my life.
Well, I'm just saying, you too could be wearing buckle shoes on a Tuesday morning.
May I remind you I didn't get cast.
And Bud needs our help.
We can't dump the whole firm in his lap then leave him stranded so we can both go off and "piddle and twiddle.
" I'm not just "piddling and twiddling," I am also fighting for the 13 colonies to declare independence, but no biggie.
Well, I'm trying to hold off a civil war between the Clarksons.
Mine is more important.
Robert, yours involves singing and dancing.
Obviously, it's more important.
Thank you.
[door opens, closes.]
Hello there, Moms.
Hey! What are you doing here? I saw the article.
[gasps.]
Grace, we've got a hit! It's just Bud, but it counts.
- You read it? - Yeah, I read it.
Coyote read it.
Brianna and Mallory read it, too.
Pretty impressive, huh? Wasn't that a fun way to have our company drop into the world? Yeah, it's fun.
Fun, fun, fun.
Uh, it made a big impression on all of us.
Uh In fact, we got you both a gift.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Say hello to your new best friends.
Panic Alerts.
I have enough best friends.
This seems like a joke, but I don't get it.
You were stuck on the floor for an entire day.
Honestly, I didn't have such a bad time.
You couldn't even reach a phone.
We're all very concerned.
Bud, you know how much I love gifts, but keep the drama for your adult Quidditch league.
No one in this house is wearing a Panic Alert.
It's not even aesthetically pleasing.
Although, to be honest, I do have an outfit it could go with.
Hey, this isn't your mother's Panic Alert.
These babies have GPS.
I mean, you can collapse anywhere! It doesn't have to be the kitchen anymore.
You could be in the woods, getting attacked by a bear, and the EMTs would be right there.
Thank you, Bud.
It's completely unnecessary and I hate it, but thank you.
How does this even work? - Wait, wait, don't hit that! - [woman.]
Ms.
Bergstein? - Is someone living in here? - Is everything all right there? It most certainly is not, unwelcome stranger.
Uh, new client.
False alarm.
Thanks for checking.
Not a problem.
Have a good day.
You gave her something with a button? You've been in an elevator with her, you know she has no impulse control.
Fair point.
But, Mom Agh.
Nope.
No sale.
Imagine if you'd been alone, and you ended up on the floor all day with no one to help you and something dire happens.
I would never be able to forgive myself, ever.
Oh, Bud I mean, if you don't want to do it for you, then, please, do it for me.
This house is made of stairs.
You've got to go down 30 stairs just to get to the front door.
What are you looking at me for? She does them in heels.
- Hey, keep my heels out of this.
- Why do you keep wearing them? They're my trademark.
That's like asking Frankie not to dress like she's going on a granola run for her cult.
You're putting yourself at more risk.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Fine.
Fine.
Maybe you're both right.
Maybe this is the time to start compromising for safety's sake.
You know, vanity be damned.
But I just I don't know what to do with them.
Oh, here's something.
I think she's warming up to it.
Good morning, Joan-Margaret.
Morning, string bean.
There.
Um I think this is your personal mail from home.
Oh, for the love of Pete.
I'm sorry, wrong pile.
Not that I'm conducting personal business on company time.
[both chuckling.]
Oh! "Sol Days" in the office are my favorite because of the laughs.
And the work.
Work? Work, work.
Now I know where Bud gets it from.
I think I had to make a few less notes and corrections this week.
That's a good sign.
Is he doing okay otherwise? Sol, let me tell you something.
If you had told me all those many years ago that the little boy who stuffed my Tic Tacs up his nose was gonna become my boss someday I would have believed you.
So So, good? So good.
Okay.
Bye.
Thank you.
Hey, Dad.
Whoa.
[chuckles.]
Sorry, probably shouldn't kiss the boss.
Or your 32-year-old man-son.
Can I get a copy of this, please? When you get a chance.
- Coming right up.
- Thank you.
As soon as I freshen my Sanka.
Sanka? Sanka? Sanka? - I'll have a I'll have a splash.
- We're good.
She cracks me up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep.
Too bad I have to let her go.
Oh, there you are.
I, um I need to talk to you.
Oh, I cannot believe you're wearing that thing.
Yeah, I know, but maybe Bud's right.
We wouldn't have had to do all that crawling to the phone if I had one of these.
He's also right about the bears.
When do you ever go into the woods? Bears are everywhere now.
There's a drought.
They're coming for our water and picnic baskets.
This wonderful article comes out, and instead of "Hey, congratulations, let's pop out the champagne," they give us Panic Alerts.
They meant well.
But when everybody sees these around our necks, they're going to look at us and say, "Oh, poor old lady, she lives all alone.
She has medical conditions.
" Nobody's gonna say that.
Nobody thinks of us as "poor old ladies.
" Oh, yeah? What about your friends? What are you talking about? Judy and Peter.
They called me "Poor Grace" at your art show.
Maybe they said "pour Grace," like "Pour Grace another martini.
" Or "Whore Grace.
" I realize that's not a compliment, but it's a lot better than "Poor Grace.
" I know what they meant.
I don't want people to look at me that way.
I want them to look at me and say, "There's the lady that created a business in her 70s.
" But we're doing that.
Yeah, but it's not happening.
Frankie, we have a great product, but there's a lot we don't have.
We don't have capital, infrastructure, distributors The snacks, the mascot, the theme song I thought you were writing the theme song.
It's gonna be late.
I have an idea.
You're not gonna like it.
Oh.
Okay.
Out of respect for our friendship, would you let me tender my resignation instead of just firing me? Frankie, you're an equal partner.
You can't be fired.
- Really? - [chuckles.]
Because I was under the impression I could fire you.
Just hear me out.
I got an e-mail this morning from an old colleague, Mimi Becker.
She runs Purple Orchid.
- Purple what? - Oh, it's a big company that specializes in adult romance and intimacy products.
They have all the resources in place that we need.
So she would be just like our partner? If she's interested, yes.
I did like it being just you and me.
Yeah, I know.
I do, too.
But this is the only way I can think to make it work.
[sighs.]
Okay.
Thanks.
But only if you promise to love me more than you love her.
- [chuckles.]
- Tell me you love me.
I love you.
Tell me you love me.
Tell me you love You're fired.
You cannot fire Joan-Margaret! Not fire.
Ease out.
She's an institution here.
You can't just put her out to pasture.
Dad, she's been in the pasture for years.
She's past the pasture! I cannot believe my own son is being so ageist.
Dad, look at the cup of Sanka Joan-Margaret just brought me.
That's how she makes it.
It's water.
But she's been here since the beginning.
Of time! The other day, she brought me a document with those tissues she keeps under her sleeve stapled to the first page.
Those are her "Joan-Margarets.
" Robert and I had fun with all of her little slips.
How about this? I asked her to go down to the coffee shop and order me a BLT for lunch.
- And? - Look.
That's my BLT! [sighs.]
You always have to order two, Bud.
[scoffs.]
Really, Dad? I have to accommodate her? I need to let her go.
- I can't agree with that.
- You know I'm right.
I can't agree with that, either.
Dad, this is my law firm now.
Don't I have the right to hire the people that I want to hire? Who do their jobs the way I need them to? Who actually help me out? - [sighs.]
- [door opens.]
Bud, do you need anything? I'm gonna go out to lunch now.
I'm good.
Okay.
Oh, Mimi.
Grace.
Oh.
Thank you so much for meeting with us.
Are you kidding me? I am so happy to see you.
God, you look fabulous.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
Oh, this is my dear friend and partner in Vybrant.
- Frankie Bergstein.
- Yes.
Oh, I loved that piece on Flapper.
You are a hoot.
[chuckles.]
I know.
I really am.
- Well, won't you sit down? - Thank you.
Oh I'll swing it this way.
Grace Now I gotta say that I always knew that you would be back in the game someday.
Well, here I am.
[chuckles.]
Did she ever tell you about that conference in Denver? You mean the time we played hooky and spent the day in the swim-up bar? I started bartending.
No.
Drinking straight from a bottle of Sour Pucker is not bartending, Grace.
We drove here together.
What was that thing you said to me in the car? Sit facing forward? [laughs.]
Oh, that's so us.
Well, I have a confession to make.
When I read about your vibrator I thought, "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" Especially because we're trying to get into the older market.
They're so underserved.
- Oh - Oh, we are in complete agreement there.
This feels like it was meant to be.
Purple Orchid, purple dress, purple vibrator.
[chuckles.]
We're purple people.
Okay, I love your product.
I mean, I love your product.
Yeah, everybody who tries it does.
I think it could be really right for us.
But, you are targeting mature women, so the only challenge will be the marketing.
Honestly, that has been our biggest stumbling block.
Okay, my team has been working on this and I think that they might really be onto something.
So if you have time, I would love to bring them in here - and let them pitch their ideas to you? - Absolutely.
Okay.
Pitch to us.
As in, we don't have to do anything? Yes.
That's my favorite amount of things to do.
[chuckles.]
So glad we made these sister dates a thing, just me and you and your phone.
Sorry, um, I'm letting Coyote park his tiny house in front of ours for a while in exchange for watching the kids sometimes.
As in tonight.
Are you insane? He says everything's fine.
And he loves baby food.
Especially the pears.
How many times you think Frankie dropped him on his head as a baby? Like, ballpark.
Okay, say what you will, I think he might be better with the kids than Mitch.
Yeah.
Because he's on their level.
They seem him as a peer.
Hey is that your hooker? Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, is it weird seeing your prostitute out in public? No.
Yes.
I mean, he's not my prostitute.
Not just mine, obviously.
Should we go say "hi"? - I feel like we should go over - Stop.
- Whatever this is.
Stop.
- Do you want to leave? No.
Then he might see me.
I'm just gonna get out of his eyeline.
You know we don't have to do these sister dates.
Fine.
Vybrant is going to get our "prime push" because of the unique and exciting features of your vibrator.
You know, everyone wants the hot new toy, right? - [both chuckle.]
- Well, I know we do.
It's going to be a major national roll-out in stores and then worldwide online.
Major roll-out? Worldwide? Oh, my God, I am so excited.
Ms.
Bergstein, are you okay? You wore that thing? It's cool.
Nobody heard.
Ms.
Bergstein.
Do you need help? Ms.
Bergstein? I'm sorry, I'm wearing this phone thing around my neck and it goes off sometimes.
It's Japanese.
You've never heard of it.
Everything's fine, Myoko.
So, Mimi, you were saying? Well, you know, actually I was just about to turn it over to our marketing gurus, Evan and Katie.
Since it's such a unique product, we want to put a human face on it to make that personal connection.
In fact, we want to put you two front and center in the campaign.
- Fantastic.
- Oh, my heart is soaring.
So, we went ahead and borrowed some photos from your website, and we made some mock-ups just to give the flavor of the kind of campaign we're talking about.
Of course we'll do a proper photo shoot with you when the time comes.
[silent mouthing.]
This should give you a good idea of what we're going for.
I think they may have touched you up a bit, Grace.
[Grace laughs.]
Are you kidding? Eh We look 12 years old in those pictures! We've got others, too.
Oh, my God.
Amazing, right? I mean, it really says, "Vybrant.
" I thought you said you were interested in the older market.
Well, we are.
It's just that we want to reach out to women like us.
Like us now.
[Mimi.]
Yeah, but that's not how you sell it.
Look, the research is overwhelming.
Nobody wants to see older women on a vibrator box.
And nobody wants to see older women with anything sexy.
Not even older women! You and I both know this, Grace.
You know, sex is young.
- But we're older.
- [Frankie chuckles.]
Not anymore we're not.
Let me just explain to you how this could work.
- Okay.
- But Grace Yeah, no.
Let them finish, Frankie.
Yeah, the most important thing is we can get this out quickly.
Now we can help you realize every dream you have for this product.
We want to make the two of you the Ben & Jerry of vaginal stimulation.
Now how does that sound, huh? Well Ms.
Bergstein, if you can still hear me, the ambulance should be arriving soon.
Do not try to move.
Oh, God.
Thank you, Myoko.
[ambulance siren blaring.]
- Right away, ma'am.
- Thank you.
[chuckles.]
Did you lose your date? She's, uh in the restroom.
Oh, with my sister.
So, how much more of a fee is it for dinner? Because I might spring for that, too.
She's not paying.
Oh, does she have a coupon? No.
She's my wife.
Come on.
I know it probably seems weird to you, but she knows what I do.
She's okay with it.
She's not so thrilled with the idea of actually meeting one of my clients, however, so So, you do what you do with other women and then you go home and watch Scandal with her? We love Scandal.
We're really looking forward to next season.
Look I enjoy you.
But this is my job.
I need something more in my life.
Something that's real.
Don't you? - Perfect timing.
- [man.]
Your car, sir? What happened? Things got weird.
She had a hell of a run, Sol.
Sometimes it's time to say goodbye.
I know, I know And, you know, retiring isn't just about the person who's retiring.
It's about giving way to the natural order.
Giving other, younger people their chance.
I know your agenda, Mr.
Adams.
Real subtle.
She's just doing her little "Joan-Margarets.
" Forgetting things maybe a bit more than usual.
Yeah, but once the memory goes And you know, Sol, this is not the first time that you and I have talked about it being time for Joan-Margaret to retire.
When did we talk about it? When we were on our way to Butterfly Day at the Botanical Gardens.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
That was, like, two years ago.
Six years ago.
No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was.
I remember after the butterflies, I had a hot dog and a Fresca, which I ate while sitting on a green bench near the lilac bushes.
Okay, stop showing off.
[sighs.]
I feel terrible about this.
Sol "terrible" would be Bud not getting the kind of support and skilled help he deserves at his firm.
- You know what, you're right.
- Mm-hmm.
And I should be the one to let her go, not Bud.
She was our secretary first.
That's true.
You want me to come with you? Though I'd rather not because I'd probably cry.
No one deserves to be fired by someone in tiny buckle shoes.
[Robert.]
Mmm.
[guitar strumming softly.]
Oh, baby, oh, baby B-b-b-b-baby Oh, baby I want you all up in my life I want to make you mine - Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
How did you do that? I can never get them all to sleep at the same time.
Never.
- I played them some of my love songs.
- Ah.
Those songs I wrote that I hoped would incite passion in women all over the world? Put them right out.
I'd let you in to see them, but if we were all in there together, we might run out of oxygen.
[chuckles.]
It was mortifying! The EMTs rushed in like it was an emergency.
I can't have them doing that every time I don't answer the Panic Alert.
Mom, that's what they do.
Well, I really don't like it.
And it may be my imagination, but the dispatcher strikes me as a bit of a smart-ass.
It's supposed to bring you peace of mind.
It's actually done that for me.
Well, I guess your mind was so at ease that you didn't bother to call me since you gave me this thing.
Maybe these just provide a nice excuse for kids to not check in with their parents as much.
That is not what's happening here.
I think you gave me this contraption to keep you calm.
You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, Mom.
I'll call you more.
- I'll call you every day.
- Every day? Ugh.
I don't want to be tied to my phone.
Look, love ya.
Ultimately, there comes a point when it's time to hand it over to the leaders of tomorrow.
Sol, this must be so hard for you.
It is.
I get it.
I do.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So when are you leaving? Probably around 5:00.
No, I mean when are you retiring? [stammers.]
I I I'm not retiring.
Bud still needs me.
Sol, can I show you something? These are Bud's notes on your notes.
What? He goes back and has to correct your corrections.
He says you're changing the way he wants it done and he feels like you double his workload and slow him down.
Bugger off, Dad.
He said that? Well, that last bit I may have heard only in my head.
I just wanted to make sure he was successful.
Well, he's the one who has to make sure he's successful.
And truthfully, he's not the only one waiting for you to retire.
I've just been holding on for you, too.
Jesus, Sol, I've got to get out of here.
You've been staying for me? Well, and I might have a lien or two against my house.
But what are you waiting for? Robert wants you to retire, I want you to retire, and Bud needs you to.
How many times have I heard you tell a client, "When it's time, it's time"? I said that a lot.
In fact, I think I just said that to you a minute ago.
Sol it's time.
How'd it go? I'm Joan-Margaret.
What are you talking about? It's time for me, too.
I did it.
[whimpers.]
I'm retired.
Oh.
I cannot believe you're actually considering this.
What? You heard Mimi, this is a deal-breaker for her.
And from a business standpoint, she's right.
This is how you sell things.
And this is a way for us to be bigger than we ever could have imagined.
Who cares how big we are? [scoffs.]
I do.
I need a success! What kind of success do you want? Do you want people to say "Grace Hanson died rich"? Or "Grace Hanson did something for people like us"? "Grace Hanson died rich.
" [scoffs.]
Don't make me come over there, young lady.
I know.
I know, the second one sounds better.
We cannot forget who we started this for.
But I look so good.
- Oh, you look better now.
- Yeah, liar.
[scoffs.]
Back in the day this would be an easy "yes" for me, hands down.
But now, big decisions are becoming more about, I don't know "Will I regret it at the end?" I like where you're going with this.
We can't play a part in erasing the very women we made this for.
Bingo, baby.
Goodbye, Purple Orchid.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
We'll be as successful as we can be.
Just you and me and our little old lady business.
- [sighs.]
- [computer beeps.]
Grace, we've got 5,219 pre-orders on our website.
[gasps.]
That is more than $200,000! Oh, my God.
This means This means we can die rich.
Meet me up top.
[Soul Swingers' "Brighter Tomorrow" playing.]
- There's a brighter tomorrow - [cheering.]
Just around the bend Some will fall along the way While others will win - But if you have the faith - If you have the faith - Mmm, and the will to keep trying - Keep trying Life can be so rich Mmm, and very rewarding - There's a brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow - Yeah, show appreciation - There's a brighter tomorrow - A brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow - Have some inspiration - There's a brighter tomorrow - Yeah, a brighter tomorrow - There's a brighter tomorrow [woman.]
Okay, good night.