Hamish Macbeth (1995) s03e08 Episode Script

1
Half a million pounds. 50 grand up front
and the rest on delivery.
Could you get me the Stone of Destiny,
Mr McIver?
The Stone of Destiny, Hamish?
The coronation stone
of the ancient Scottish kings.
So you'll keep the secret, then?
What do you think?
- We don't need that.
- Oh, yes, we do.
If you know where the Stone is,
why have you come here?
Didn't you know, brother?
Then take a guess, brother.
Take a guess.
- Has John been in today?
- No sign of him, Hamish.
He's probably taken himself
up the hills again.
I heard of an Indian tribe
that when they get the notion
they're about to croak,
they just take themselves off into the
wilderness and wait for it to happen.
- Just ignore him, Hamish.
- Ignore who?
If John's taken himself to the hills,
it's for peace and quiet.
Just like it always is.
Agnes is right. It could even be
he just felt like a night in.
- Hamish
- Mind serving yourself, doc?
This game is very delicately poised.
There's a hypnotist
loose in Lochdubh.
Sure, doc, I think you need a rest.
I'm absolutely compos mentis,
Hamish. The major. Rory Campbell.
Isobel. And now Lachlan.
All found in a trance-like state.
How would one know
that Lachlan was in a trance?
- That is the question.
- Stop it.
(Hamish) I thought it was a virus.
And I thought it was mass hysteria.
It also occurred to me that it could've
been externally produced.
That maybe someone
put those people into a trance.
I read an article on the possible uses
of hypnosis for controlling pain.
So I dug it out. And there it is.
Comments on the mesmeric prowess
of a particular stage hypnotist
called Ava Grimm.
That's the woman
with Kenneth McIver.
It's her, Hamish.
But why is she doing it?
If she's doing it,
then maybe John can tell us why.
You coming?
Yes.
That's her, all right.
I'd know that babe anywhere.
So if the doc's right,
then why you four in particular?
I'm sure I don't know.
No? Four people with a shared
knowledge of the Stone of Destiny,
a knowledge that Kenneth McIver
has envied all his life.
How do you know all this?
John told me.
Then he must really believe
he's going to die.
John? John McIver?
- (Squelch)
- Oh! (Exclaims in Gaelic)
- See if he's in.
- John!
(Knocking)
John, are you there?
- He's not there?
- No.
Maybe he has taken to the hills.
Come on.
We can complain about being
hypnotised without your consent.
- Is that a crime?
- I don't know.
It's a good excuse to go there.
(Knocking)
Mr McIver!
Kenneth McIver!
- What are you doing?
- Horse.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna take a look around inside.
Maybe it's not locked.
- The lights are off.
- Just try it.
- There's nobody here.
- Try it.
Why would anybody go away
and leave the door
open?
It's always best to check
these things, Hamish.
Hamish, it's verse. A line of verse.
"When the winter steps
can be clumb"
- Now what?
- This is mine!
"Look in the place where
the curtain roars."
- That's my line, Hamish, it's mine!
- Yeah.
Take it easy.
See what else you can find.
These are faxes. From a Misty Glen.
That has to be a boat, right?
- What are we gonna do about it?
- They have come for the Stone.
No doubt about it.
How can you be so matter-of-fact?
We don't even know where they are.
Yeah,
but we know where they're going.
Oh, you lovely thing!
You great, big, beautiful meal ticket.
- You can't do this, Kenneth. You can't.
- Well, I know that.
Not with my prosthetic.
That's why you are
going to give me a hand.
(Laughs)
We should've known.
We should have known.
I tell you, if I get a grip
of Kenneth McIver,
you'll be lifting me for murder, Hamish.
If I get to him first, you'll be lifting me.
Can anyone smell horse shit in here?
- Oh, it's me.
- And me.
What have you two been eating?
Right Now
- Say again, Hamish.
- Rubha na Fearna.
- Eh?
- Rubha na Fearna?
- Hmm.
Then we have a problem.
That's a promontory with at least
three landing sites.
- They could use any one of them.
- We'll have to cover them all.
- We don't have the time.
- How are they getting there?
A road goes part of the way
and then nothing
- Horse shit.
- I beg your pardon?
I talked to Dougal Finlay
at the cash-and-carry.
He told me that Kenneth McIver
had hired out all four of his horses.
Horse shit
There was horse shit
outside TV John's caravan.
He's got John.
You're saying he's got John?
And maybe a gun from the lodge.
He can't hate John so much
that he'd
- (Sighs) His own brother
- Now, listen to me, Hamish.
You make this official, the authorities will
take that stone back out of Scotland.
Lachlan, this is John we're talking about.
- (Major) Listen to him, Hamish.
- If we lose that stone,
John McIver will be dead within
one calendar month of it going.
He'll die of shame.
And I'm not speaking figuratively.
And I will be right at his back.
He could've killed John at
the caravan, Hamish. Why didn't he?
If we lose that stone,
we will lose John McIver.
If I thought for one minute,
they'd return it to Scotland,
I'd say, go ahead, contact them now.
John said they'd never give it back.
And John would know, Hamish.
With his psychic powers.
OK, Major, you take the others
as far as you can by road.
Then head off on foot for the coast.
When you get there, I want you
to move south from here.
I'll move north from this point. That
way, we cover all the landing sites.
How will you get there?
Travel light, nonstop.
Head up over the high pass.
Alone? The weather can change
in the blink of an eye.
I'll go with Hamish.
- (Hamish) Nonstop?
- Mm. If you can do it, I can do it.
OK.
Oh, and one more thing.
I'll be taking the boy.
It's time he knew.
(Bagpipe)
(Laughter)
Tonight.
Tonight I'll have it.
The Lia Fáil.
The Stone of Destiny on this very boat.
You sure about this?
My grandfather helped
bring the Stone back here.
I've got more reason than you
to be going up there.
Right.
(Speaks Gaelic)
Not only have I filched yon relic
from under their nose,
but that hunk of stone
is going to make me rich.
Astronomically rich.
What do you say to that, brother?
That it's a shame, Kenneth.
Crivens help my bones, it's a shame.
I'll remember to feel ashamed when
I'm lolling on some tropical beach
and pouring fine liquor
down my neck.
I meant that it was a shame
that you are prepared to betray
our father's memory, Kenneth.
I spit on his memory.
And on our mother's.
(Spits)
Think I've forgotten
what it was like? "Fine, Kenneth.
"You did all right, but you can't see
into the future like your big brother."
- They never said that!
- It was the bloody subtext, all right.
They preferred a half-witted freak
to to a Renaissance man!
They both died with your name
on their lips, Kenneth, not mine.
- They loved you.
- Liar! They hated me!
That whole village hated me.
Ha! See if I care now!
Do you think we might have some tea?
In a while, Miss Grimm.
- (Yells)
- What is it?
Something bit me.
Something bit me.
It was an adder.
You must've stood right on it
for it to strike.
There never have been adders
up here before.
No, but then you've
never been up here, have you?
Are you saying I'm a Jonah?
I'm not a Jonah. I'm not.
- What are you doing?
- I'm going to bleed her.
- Bleed some of the poison out.
- Will it work?
I don't know, but I can't think
of anything else, can you?
As soon as she's bled enough,
bandage her up and let's get moving.
(Yelps)
John?
John!
Oh You're still here?
Of course I'm still here, man.
We'd better press on
or we'll be hours late.
- She can't be moved yet.
- Then we'll leave her.
With supplies
We'll come back for her.
Well, I'm not leaving.
You go on if you want
I want you there when I get my money.
I want you to see it. Now, on your feet!
If you intend using that thing, get
on with it, because I am not moving.
We'll camp here for the night.
How are you feeling?
I'm not sure.
Just keep still.
Perfectly still.
Still
Yes.
I'll get you that tea.
Damn!
- What is it?
- It's the nickey-nackey.
- It's clapped out.
- The nickey-nackey? You sure?
- For God's sake.
- What the hell's a nickey-nackey?
Is it some modification
you carried out on the engine?
No, Major. You see, when I first
taught the boy here about engines,
he was no more
than seven years old.
He had problems with terminology.
We made up names for things.
Aye, there was the scurley-bee
and the grimmle-dunnit.
And the nickey-nackey.
You never learned
the proper name of things?
Of course I have, Rory Campbell.
It's just when I talk to my daddy
about it, I regress, that's all.
And you're going to tell us
what it is, this nickey-nackey?
It's
- It's
- It's the carburettor, Rory.
It's packed in. Which means
we're damn well finished.
Aah!
Damn well finished!
- What's going on here?
- He didn't tell you?
- He said he'd explain on the way.
- So he shall.
Lachlan!
We'll set out on foot from here.
- We'll miss them by hours, Major.
- As we walk, we can pray.
Pray they're held up. Anything!
But we will not give in.
Lachlan! It is not over
until the fat gentleman sings.
That's lady, Major. The fat lady.
Lady
Right. Come on. Let's take
what we need from the truck.
Come on, boy.
Is it me, or does anyone else
feel a bit chilly?
No, I can feel it too, Rory. The cold air
coming down from the high pass.
I'd say this is the point of no return.
Yeah.
- I'm freezing, Isobel.
- So am I.
Am I going to die?
I don't know. Just try to remember
I'll be here to do whatever I can.
I didn't bring any matches.
Isobel, I didn't bring any matches.
- Don't panic, Hamish.
- Panic?
I'm nae panicking, I'm shit scared.
There's a difference.
Mr McIver! Mr McIver!
Look!
Who are they?
Do you know who they are?
I know who they are.
What do they want?
They want you, Kenneth.
(Mutters)
(Groans)
Is it true, what you said?
They died with my name on their lips,
Mother and Father?
- Yes, it's true.
- Cursing me, no doubt.
No, not cursing you.
Kenneth, if they made a fuss of me,
it was because they knew
that I wasn't as clever as you.
It was to reassure me,
not to hurt you.
No, they preferred psychic froth
to cool intellect.
If that had been the case, you
would've been the apple of their eye.
What do you mean?
I believe you are much more gifted
than I am, Kenneth.
Me?
These accidents
that happen round about you,
I believe they're generated
psychically.
You have a great gift,
but you've turned your back on it.
Suppressed it somehow.
What should be positive
comes out negative.
You're saying I'm a bloody freak
like you? Freakier!
I know what you're up to.
You think these revelations
will make me give up the Stone?
- Och!
- You're wasting your time, brother!
Shh!
What is it?
Is she dead?
No.
Her fever's broken.
Why didn't you let us get together?
Huh?
- Isobel?
- (Whimpers)
When Alex came back to the village
why did you live with her?
I'd asked her to come back,
it seemed the right thing to do.
Yeah.
But it wasn't what you wanted to do,
was it?
- No.
- No
And when you told her about us
you think that led to her death.
Yeah.
No
It was partly to blame.
If she'd been thinking straight,
maybe things would have been different,
maybe she wouldn't
have died, I don't know.
Hamish.
You wanted us to be together.
I had to ask myself why.
Why? Did you want it for our sake
or did you just think
that us being together would've
made Alex's death less futile?
You know, that us getting together
would've been the right thing.
I can't believe you're saying this.
I just wanted us to be together. That is it.
How can you think those things?
How can you say what you're saying?
Because you've never once told me
that you loved me, Hamish.
You know?
Not one time.
I've never said it.
Not to you, Alex, not to anybody.
I always figured a person
should know without being told.
But I'll say it now
if that's what you want.
I love you, Isobel.
I love you more
than any person I've ever known.
Oh, God, wasted time!
The wasted time we could've been at it.
- We could've been at it.
- Like hammer and tong.
- Aye.
- Like knives.
Oh, God, Isobel, when I think
how much I wanted you
When we could've been
Maybe maybe it's not too late.
Maybe maybe even as a way
of keeping warm, we could
- What?
- You know, we could
Oh, God!
Please don't say yes now. Please don't.
No, I just thought
it might help keep us warm.
Isobel
Oh, Isobel
There are certain things a man
just cannot do in weather like this.
Oh
Oh, God
- Better?
- Yes.
Thank you. You saved my life.
No.
I remember it, what you said.
That helped.
Well, if it helped, I'm glad I said it.
To tell the truth, I couldn't think
of anything else to say.
Oh!
What are you two talking about?
Why didn't you leave me behind?
It's just the two of you.
You might've been able
to take the Stone from your brother.
My father and his friends
brought that stone here.
And because they did, I like to think
I would give my life to keep it here.
That's it. I've had enough.
You, over here.
But I could never risk
anybody else's life for it.
Over here!
Now, you rest
for what remains of the night.
Brother Kenneth wants you
in the saddle in the morning.
Coronation stone
of the old Scottish kings, boy.
Those men took that stone back
and now that scumbag
Kenneth McIver is making off with it.
It belongs here, Junior,
nowhere else but here in Scotland.
What kind of lowlife would steal
the Stone of Destiny back from us?
- I never liked him, anyway.
- Nor me.
Remember at school,
he was first at everything?
I remember.
When we were on Sunbeam book
one, he was away up at book five.
- It was sickening.
- Sickening.
Don't forget multiplication tables.
When we were at two-times,
he was up at six-times.
I remember.
Then there was the decimal points.
- What about the decimal points?
- The bane of my young life, son.
That decimal point floated in front
of my eyes for hours on end
before it finally came to rest.
In the wrong damn place!
- Maybe we should push on.
- Aye.
Whereas Kenneth McIver would
just dab away at his bit of paper
with a wee, irritating flourish.
Bip-bip-bip.
And damn me if he didn't guess
right every single time.
Aye, Rory's right.
We should make a move.
I don't quite follow.
What was it Kenneth
used to guess right every time?
Where the decimal point would go, boy.
But, Daddy, you don't guess
where it goes.
No, no, no. You see, it's all guesswork.
No, there's no working out involved,
you see?
- Who told you that?
- Rory and the Major there.
See, I was off with the mumps
when we moved onto the decimals.
The boys here were assigned
to bring me up to scratch.
That's friends for you, Lachie Junior.
Er Press on at the double.
At the double.
Ah! Hamish!
- What's happening?
- Jack Frost was nipping at your toes.
But I found you in time.
I'm very grateful.
- Who are you?
- Herman.
My name is Herman.
I'm Hamish.
- But you already knew that.
- (Laughs)
Oh
I hope I wasn't being presumptuous.
But I thought the exchange
of body heat might hasten revival.
You and me were exchanging
body heat?
No! Oh, no!
I mean, with Isobel.
That is her name, isn't it?
Isobel?
(Isobel) Hamish
Hamish
- Who's he?
- This is Herman.
He already knows who you are.
He saved us, Isobel.
Shouldn't we be on our way?
Oh, no! No, not yet.
No, the weather is abating,
but it will be another hour at least
before you can travel
any great distance.
Thanks, Herman.
- So, what is this place?
- It's just a cave.
I came up here, oh, a long time ago.
- For the air.
- For the air?
Yes, I could see
what was coming down below.
Pollution, nauseous gases,
which would form
a permanent lime-green smog.
So, I sold up all my assets
and came up here.
And I mean, what point was there
in all this wealth
in such a spoiled world?
Is it really bad down there?
- It's really bad.
- There's something I must do.
I'll be back in about an hour.
Meanwhile, you can rest.
We can't wait an hour, Hamish.
We have to catch up with the Stone.
I don't know, Isobel, I think
I think our luck's about to change.
I think you've spent too much time
with John McIver.
OK.
If everything is going to be well
with the world
what are we going to do
until the storm abates?
It's not good enough.
Just not good enough.
50 grand up front and where are they?
Where's my Stone?
Hmm?
Take a turn to the south, Captain.
Check out the other beach.
Will you two get a move on?
We've wasted enough time already.
Are you sure? This is Black Rock Bay?
Yes, that's it.
See? Not a sign of them.
They've gone
or they've landed elsewhere.
Come on, men, south!
Hamish, there's nothing here.
We should go on.
Where's the boat? Where's the boat?
We're late, but they should have waited.
Would McFarquar give up and leave?
Not without me.
And not without the Stone.
He'll be here.
Hold up, men!
(Gasping)
By God, Fortune has smiled on us
this good day.
It's the Misty Glen.
After that thieving,
one-armed, one-legged
My ship is coming in
Do you see it, brother?
I see it clearly now.
And all for a lump of rock.
Are you a strong swimmer, Miss Grimm?
Very.
Kenneth, you mustn't go into that boat.
If you do, you will die out there.
We are both getting into it.
I want you to see my triumph.
At last
we have it.
If the Fates go right,
where'er the Stone is found,
the Scotch shall monarchs
of that realm be crown'd.
Mr McFarquar, look!
(Shouting)
Prepare to weigh anchor.
Look!
Too late!
Too late!
In.
Kenneth, you'll die.
If you don't get in, brother, some
of those friends of yours might die.
- Now, get in.
- (Hamish) John! Don't do it!
- John!
- Hurry, Hamish!
John! John!
John McIver, wait for us!
- (Gasps)
- (Isobel) John!
(Kenneth shouting in Gaelic)
We've lost it.
We've lost the Stone of Destiny.
Damn you, Kenneth McIver!
- Damn you to hell!
- Miss Grimm!
Miss Grimm, the boat, I can't control it.
- Miss Grimm.
- John.
- Help me!
- Misty Glen, we have no steerage.
We have no steerage. Get out of the way!
Get over the edge. Just
Look!
You're doing this. Stop it at once.
It's not me, Kenneth, it's you. I told you.
If we go up,
the Stone goes up with us, John.
Miss Grimm and I
switched the Stone last night.
That's just a lump of rock, like you said.
Switched? But why why didn't you
just make off with it?
Because you're my brother, Kenneth,
and I love you.
I've always loved you.
And I hoped we could be reconciled
before the end.
You said I was going to die out here.
You knew.
- Yes.
- And yet you still came.
(McFarquar) For God's sake!
Look, John, we're saved.
The boat, it's moving.
- I'm afraid not.
- What?
It's not the boat, Kenneth.
It's what's behind it.
(Kenneth gasps)
John, I'm frightened.
Pomade
Gone gone
John!
John!
It's Kenneth's leg.
(Mrs Grimm) Hello?
Hello?
Who is Hamish Macbeth?
There we are.
From here on in, this will be known
as the TV John McIver Corner.
That's a fine gesture.
It's no more than he deserves.
God I miss him.
Don't upset yourself, Agnes.
I wouldn't be surprised
if TV John McIver
dropped in for the occasional pint.
A man with his psychic gifts,
I'm sure he'll make the odd journey
over from the other side.
He just might, you know.
The man's powers of prophecy
bordered on the miraculous.
- They were
- "Unerring" is the word.
TV John.
We interrupt this programme
to bring you news just in.
700 years after it was stolen
from Scotland,
the Stone of Destiny
is to be given back.
The Prime Minister told
the Commons today that the Stone,
a powerful symbol
of Scottish nationhood,
would be removed
from Westminster Abbey
and returned to Scotland
when a suitable resting place
has been decided upon.
More on this as news comes in.
Viva Scotia. Yes!
Where's everybody gone?
To plan a break-in, Agnes.
Where are you going?
Maybe we should hold onto it, in case
the authorities change their minds.
If they change their minds, boy,
we'll just take it right back again.
- Have you come with a plan, Major?
- I have.
Our fathers dug down
to remove this stone.
So, we'll dig up to put it back.
- How?
- The sewers.
- Eh?
- The sewers of London, Lachie Junior.
We'll go down in Pimlico,
find our way to under the Abbey,
and then dig up!
Is that the plan the product
of a fine military mind, or what?
That's a fine plan.
Now, if you'd be so good
as to do us the honour of starting.
Gentlemen.
Let us start.
Viva Scotia.
- Viva.
- (Straining)
You said they'd never give it back, John.
John!
- Where did you get the beard?
- John McIver is my son, Mr Macbeth.
He's not yet mastered
the art of manifestation,
though when he does, I'm sure
he'll pester the life out of you.
(Clicks fingers, gas lights)
He's asked me
to pass on some messages.
- What messages?
- Well, firstly,
apologies to everyone
for getting it wrong
about the authorities
handing back the Stone.
He puts it down
to a temporary psychic block.
Secondly, to Lachie McRae.
Tell him that John has spoken
to his wife, Mari,
and she's delighted
to know that he still loves her
and that the boy turned out well.
The third message is for you,
Mr Macbeth.
John says you've to stock up
well with Pampers.
Pampers?
Yes, it's apparently
some sort of modern-day nappy.
John says you and Isobel
are going to need thousands of them.
No, we agreed no kids.
What?
Oh, well, John says you should've
thought of that up in yon snow cave.
(Giggles)
It's gonna be awful quiet around here
without John.
Yeah.
What are we gonna do to pass the time?
- Oh, we'll think of something.
- Will we?
Hmm.
If you go with them, I'll go with them.
Come on.