Hey Arnold! (1996) s03e08 Episode Script

1
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold!
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey Arnold!
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football-head!
ALL: Hey Arnold!
Oh, the red scarf
Matches your eyes ♪
Pistachio. Must be
my lucky day.
(GROANS)
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Oh, what's this?
It seems to be a patch
of rubber vomit.
What delinquent boy
or girl is responsible
for this heinous act?
You there,
with the gogo boots.
Front and center.
Who, me?
Son, let me assure you,
there is nothing at all funny
about the willful deployment
of an
artificial regurgitation.
Especially not
in the designated
lunching area.
Huh?
Oh, don't you play
innocent with me.
This is your synthetic vomit,
is it not?
No, it isn't. I didn't do it.
Now, now, now.
Don't you try
and weasel your way
out of this, young man.
This type of harmless
practical joking
is a very serious matter.
But
No buts. I'll expect to see
you in my office
at recess time.
We can discuss
how you're going to
spend your week's detention.
Detention?
(LAUGHING) That was
a right keen upchuck prank
you pulled, Sid.
No, Stinky,
you don't understand.
Too bad you went
and got yourself
caught red-handed.
Look, Stinky,
I'm telling you,
I didn't do it!
Sid, since you are innocent,
you should just go
and talk to Principal Wartz.
Yeah, maybe
you're right, Arnold.
I'll tell Wartz
I didn't do it,
and he'll have to
let me off the hook.
And, so, in conclusion, sir,
as I'm certain someone
as judicious as yourself
can plainly see,
this whole thing has been just
one big misunderstanding.
So, I guess we can forget
about the detention,
right?
That's it. This is
the last straw.
I mean, who does that guy
think he is anyway?
I swear, I'm gonna find
a way to get back at Wartz
if it's the last thing
I ever do.
WOMAN: (ON TV)
Overworked? Unappreciated?
Experience the sweet taste
of Revenge.
Mark my words, I'll have
my revenge if it takes
MAN: (ON TV) Superstitious,
revenge-minded villagers
used revenge dolls
to put curses on those
who treated them
unfairly or unjustly.
These revenge dolls
were crafted to look
exactly like the unfair
or unjust person
and were carved
from a simple
household bar of soap.
Oh, this is gonna be perfect.
Yes, sir. I'd say
it's high time
someone taught you
a few listening skills,
Principal Wartz.
Now, repeat after me.
Sid is not guilty!
Now, now, now,
don't try and weasel
your way out of this,
little soap man!
It's time to pay the piper!
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
(WHISTLING)
Gee, I don't know
what the deal is,
but today I'm sure
feeling great.
So, what are you going to do
without the old boss around?
Well, as long as Wartz
is in the hospital,
I thought I'd catch up
on a few things.
Principal Wartz
in the hospital?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It couldn't be.
Oh, no, what have I done?
Sid, are you okay?
What? No. I mean, yes.
(STUTTERING) I'm fine.
I gotta go.
Wait, come back.
Sid!
Oh, the red scarf
Matches your eyes ♪
Excuse me, sir,
I'm looking for
Principal Wartz.
It's an emergency.
Principal Wartz, is that you?
(PATIENT GROANS)
Mr. Wartz, can you hear me?
It's me. I'm Sid from school.
(GROANS)
I'm sorry. Gosh, are you okay?
Duh. Of course,
you're not okay.
Oh, this is terrible.
Look what I've done to you.
Sir, I promise I'll never ever
mold a revenge doll
in your likeness ever again.
If there's anything I can
do for you, anything at all,
just say the word and my wish
is your command. Like, maybe,
I mean, I could scrub
the cafeteria
every day at recess
or I mean, I could
even come in
for Saturday detention.
Would you like that, sir?
Let me know. Oh, good. Water.
(GROANS)
(GROANS)
Ah, boy was I thirsty.
Okay, Mr. Ricardi,
time for your painkillers.
Mr. Ricardi?
But I thought this was
Principal Wartz's room.
Didn't anyone tell you?
Tell me what?
Principal Wartz has
Checked out.
Checked out? (GASPS)
You mean, permanently?
Why yes,
that's usually
the case.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
(SOBBING) It can't be true.
This can't be happening.
Principal Wartz is dead,
and, and I've killed him.
Would you mind
keeping it down,
young man?
Oh, sorry.
(SOBBING) It's horrible.
(BELL RINGS)
Arnold, I've got to
talk to you.
I killed Principal Wartz.
What?
Remember yesterday
when I told you
I was gonna go talk things out
with Principal Wartz?
Well, I tried to.
I really did, Arnold.
But he just wouldn't listen.
Slow down, Sid.
When I went home,
I must've been pretty mad
'cause I made
a Principal Wartz doll
out of a bar of soap.
Hey, that's pretty good.
Can you see? The thing is
I think it put some kind of
curse over Principal Wartz.
Curse? What are you
talking about?
Don't you see?
Principal Wartz is
Gone!
What do you mean, gone?
Sid, he was probably just out
sick today or something.
Well, that's what I figured
when I heard he was
in the hospital.
But when I went there
to see him, his doctor
told me that he had
checked out,
and you know what
that means, don't you?
I accidentally killed
Principal Wartz.
That's completely ridiculous.
Besides, there's no such thing
as a revenge doll.
Come on, let's go to
Wartz's office right now.
Maybe his secretary
knows something.
See, they're already
taking his name off
the door.
Look, Sid,
this doesn't mean a thing.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
No, Arnold, don't you see?
Principal Wartz has
bit the big one.
He's bought the farm,
he's gone to meet his maker.
Get a hold of yourself.
What do you say we go outside
and get a little fresh air?
Then, maybe we can talk about
this thing rationally.
Okay, Arnold. Rational.
But remember,
I killed Principal Wartz!
Sid.
Arnold!
He ain't gonna need
this space no more. (CHUCKLES)
They're erasing Wartz's name
from his parking space.
See? That proves it.
I'm a cold-blooded murderer.
This doesn't prove anything.
There's gotta be
some logical explanation.
Why don't we just go over
to Wartz's house?
He's probably sitting
in front of the TV
eating his dinner right now.
Arnold, how can he eat dinner
at a time like this?
He's dead.
(SIGHS) Sid.
Come on, Sid, relax.
That's easy for you to say.
You didn't murder
anyone today.
Yes, can I help you?
Hi.
We're here to see
Principal Wartz.
(SNIFFLES) I'm sorry,
children, but that would be
quite impossible.
You see, he's under
the big tree in the backyard,
and, well,
he cannot be disturbed.
You see, Arnold?
He's under the tree.
Yes, indeed.
In his little dirt plot.
Well, you heard
the man, Arnold.
Poor Wartz is out there
all alone, in the cold ground,
feeding the worms.
That's not what he said.
Let's just go check out
the backyard for ourselves.
Oh, the red scarf
Matches your eyes ♪
Oh, Mr. Wartz,
dinner is ready.
There he is. Wartz is dead
and buried right there.
Sid, I know what it looks like
but there's no way.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm going straight down
to the police
and I'm gonna come clean.
SID: I'm here
to turn myself in.
Seems I unintentionally
killed my school principal
with the mystical powers
of this doll I carved
out of soap.
Uh, just one moment, please.
Hey, Patty,
get a load of this.
Kid says he killed
his school principal
with a doll
carved out of soap.
(POLICE LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)
Look, Arnold. Pistachio.
That was Wartz's favorite.
And he'll never ever
get to eat it again
Because I killed him.
Give me that.
This whole thing has gotten
completely out of control.
I know what it might
look like,
but there's no way
this stupid soap doll of yours
killed Principal Wartz.
I mean, what am I
gonna have to do
to convince you
that this whole day
has been nothing
but one stupid coincidence
after another?
Oh, hello there, boy.
Principal Wartz!
You're alive!
Oh, it's a miracle!
Uh, yes, alive and kicking.
Just recovering from a little
cosmetic out-patient surgery,
that's all.
Nothing to be
concerned about.
Arnold, you're a genius, man.
You destroyed the soap doll
that I viciously carved
to look like Principal Wartz,
and he instantly
came back to life.
Sid, that had
nothing to do with it.
He was never dead
in the first place.
Ah, stop being
so modest, Arnold.
After all, we both saw
Wartz's office packed up
in boxes, didn't we?
And what about
the parking space?
Well, actually, I am moving
to the other side
of the school building.
Bigger office,
more convenient parking.
Sid, it's getting late.
Nice seeing you,
Principal Wartz.
Just one moment, boys.
There's something Sid
and I need to discuss.
There is?
It seems that yesterday
you were falsely charged
with the crime
of planting man-made throw-up
in the school cafeteria.
In fact, it was dropped
by the drama teacher.
Some kind of
prop or something.
Anyway, it would appear
that I may have been
a bit hasty in my accusation,
and for that I apologize.
So, you mean
I'm off the hook?
Uh, no, not exactly.
Now, about this matter of
this hocus-pocus soap doll.
I'm afraid the use
of any such a doll
is in direct violation
of school policy
and I'm still going to have to
give you a week's detention.
Now you boys have yourself
a splendid evening.
See you bright and early.
Who does that Wartz
think he is giving me
a week's detention?
I'm telling you,
there's gotta be some way
I can get back at that guy.
Maybe I'll loosen the bolts
on his office chair,
or I could empty a box
of tacks in his shoes,
or the old spit wad
in the morning coffee.
Boy howdy, this is gonna be
the best day at Dinoland ever.
Gee, you said a mouthful, pal.
What do you
want to ride first?
Let's ride the Dino-whirl.
Let's go to the food cave
and eat prehistoric pie
'till we puke.
Hey, look, let's ride
the Pterodactyl egg cups.
I just love them egg cups.
Yeah, let's go!
Forget it, guys. We can't go.
Huh? Why not?
Because, Arnold,
look who's on the ride.
Eugene, the living jinx.
Oh, come on.
He's just a regular kid
like you and me
and everybody else.
Oh, yeah?
Take a good look, Arnold.
(GROANS)
(YELLING)
(SHAKILY) I'm okay.
Face it, Arnold.
There's no doubt about it.
Eugene's a walkin'-talkin'
pirouettin' lulu of
a big ol' hangin' jinx.
(GROWLING)
Well, are you wusses
ready for the ultimate
Dinoland challenge?
You mean the newly refurbished
Tyranto Scare-Us Rex?
I'm game if you guys are.
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN AGREEMENT)
EUGENE: I'm game too, guys.
We can all go together,
it'll be great.
Come on, guys,
if you don't line up now
you'll miss your chance
to get a seat.
Aren't you guys coming?
Are you kidding?
Not with the all time jinx
of the century Eugene.
But Eugene's our friend.
What's your point?
We should stick by him.
Shouldn't we?
Oh, criminy,
I smell a speech
about virtues
and nobility coming on.
Helga, I just think
it's stupid
not to go on a ride
you're all dying to go on
just because Eugene's on it.
Arnold's got a point,
you guys.
It is a little petty
of us not to go.
So does that mean
you're coming?
Are you crazy?
Of course not,
we'd be killed for sure.
I'm going.
Don't do it, Arnold!
Whatever you do, he's a jinx.
Stinky, I'm getting
on the roller coaster
and I'm going to prove
once and for all
that Eugene is not a jinx.
Arnold, if you don't
make it back,
can I have your tokens?
I'm gonna make
it back, Harold.
Eugene and I are gonna ride
the Tyranno Scare-Us Rex
and nothing bad
is gonna happen.
So, can I have your tokens?
(SIGHS)
Yeah!
Thanks for coming
with me, Arnold.
I'm sure we're going to
have a really great time.
Sure, Eugene.
It's gonna be great.
He's a bold kid.
He's a goner.
He's a saint,
he gave me his tokens.
(ARNOLD AND EUGENE SCREAMING)
We're going all the way
to the top this time, Arnold.
Uh-huh.
When we reach the top,
we'll pause for a few seconds,
then, we'll plunge through
the two-headed tunnel,
shoot into the final loop,
and then, the ride's over.
ARNOLD: Great.
I'm too nervous to watch,
I need some pie.
Where are my tokens?
Give me my tokens!
(MIST WHOOSHING)
Oh, no.
Hey, this must be
a new feature of the ride
they never told us about.
Gee, Arnold, you don't think
we're stuck, do you?
Of course not.
(SOFTLY) Move.
Please move.
Oh, I'm sure everything's
going to be fine.
The Dinoland people
are probably taking care
of the problem right now.
Sure they are.
We'll be rolling
in no time.
OPERATOR: (OVER MEGAPHONE)
We have a slight
mechanical problem.
Nothin' to worry about.
EUGENE: We're okay up here.
I have my favorite kind
of fruit fold up
and there's plenty of
mist to keep us cool.
Ah, we'll be fine.
OPERATOR: We'll get you
rollin' in no time.
EUGENE:
Oh, they always say that.
Oh, like the time
I was stuck in the elevator
at the library,
or the time I was trapped
in the helicopter
at the air and space museum,
but this is the first time
I've ever been stuck
on a roller coaster.
Yeah, well, um,
don't worry, Eugene.
Oh, I'm not worried. Besides,
we have such a great view
from up here.
Look, isn't it great?
STINKY: We all said it.
They're doomed.
HAROLD: Mm-hmm.
How's it lookin'?
Pretty bad.
I can't get the cars to start
or the mist to stop.
They're in deep doo-doo, huh?
Real deep.
Hey, everything's fine, boys.
We have the problem
figured out and it's just
a matter of minutes
till you're safely
on the ground.
Think they bought it?
Someday, Arnold,
we'll look back
on this and laugh.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Yeah.
And besides, the man said
we'd be on the ground
in a few minutes.
Eugene, that was an hour ago.
Ah, don't worry.
If there's any more delay,
they'll just bring in
a cherry picker.
Boys, you're doing great.
I just wanted to
let you know that
we're bringing in
a cherry picker to rescue you.
It'll be here in no time.
See, Arnold, in no time.
I've only been in
a cherry picker once.
It was fun.
They rescued me from the nose
to the Statue of Justice
in the harbor.
I thought they got you down
with a fire ladder.
No, that was the second time.
The first time
they used a cherry picker.
Oh, yeah.
You know,
I was kinda surprised
you decided to come
on the roller coaster
with me, Arnold.
Why did you?
Well
Because no one else would,
and you didn't want me
to feel bad?
Well, sort of.
That's so nice of you.
You're a real pal.
Especially considering
my being so unlucky and all.
I don't know what
you're talking about, Eugene.
It's okay, Arnold.
You don't have to pretend.
I know what
everyone says about me.
They all call me
a big jinx, don't they?
Nobody says that, Eugene.
Come on, Arnold.
I've heard it my whole life.
I've always tried to
look on the bright side,
but now that
we're stuck up here,
I guess it's time for me
to admit the truth.
(FIRE ENGINE SIRENS WAILING)
I am a jinx.
Eugene, you're not a jinx.
No matter what I do
something always goes wrong.
I just can't do
anything right.
SID: Can I talk
into the bull horn?
Sorry, it's against
Dinoland rules.
But we want to
reassure our friends
that we're here
and thinking of them.
Okay, but just this once.
Hey, Arnold!
Didn't I tell you Eugene
was the living jinx?
Yeah, and you said
you were going to prove
that he weren't. Told ya.
Can you see my house
from there?
Give me that!
EUGENE:
It's peaceful up here.
I like the view, and I've
always liked dinosaurs.
And if I get scared,
which I'm not,
I can always sing
the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song
to cheer myself up.
The "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song?
You know,
The itsy bitsy spider
Went up the waterspout
Come on, Arnold,
sing it with me.
No, Eugene.
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Come on, Arnold,
you know you want to.
(SIGHS)
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider
Went up the spout again ♪
Hey, look, the cherry picker.
See, Arnold,
we're going to be fine.
Hello, boys.
My name is Lucky.
I'm a fireman,
and I've come to save you.
Did you hear that, Arnold?
A fireman named Lucky
is going to save us.
I just want to assure you
that I've got everything
under control.
Nothing can go wrong.
(BUZZING)
No, mercy, no.
No, no, not again.
Is there a problem, Lucky?
Of course not.
Everything's fine.
There's no problems
when Lucky's around.
(PANICKING) Oh, no!
Man, look what
Eugene's jinx did now.
It stopped
that old cherry picker
right in mid-air.
Let me get this straight.
We have two kids trapped
on top of the world's
highest roller coaster,
and now the cherry picker
that's supposed to
rescue them is stuck.
What are you two boobs
gonna do about it?
Well, there's
a professional fireman
on board the cherry picker,
he can talk to
your little friends
and keep them calm.
(SHAKILY) I don't
want to fall.
I'll be crushed like a bug.
Please, someone, please.
Don't worry, Lucky.
Someone will be up
to save us in no time.
(SOBBING) "No time"
doesn't mean anything.
They just say that
when they have no idea
how long it'll take
to really save you.
The truth is
we're all gonna fall
and be crushed like bugs.
If you're scared,
I know something
that can calm you down.
What?
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider
Went up the spout again ♪
Doesn't that make you
feel better, Lucky?
A little.
(GROANS)
Hold on, Lucky!
Eugene, there's
a rope behind you.
If you can attach it
to the cherry picker platform,
we can use it
to pull Lucky over to us.
Gee, I don't know if that's
such a good idea, Arnold.
You can do it.
Tie the rope into a lasso
and throw it
over the platform.
But what if
something bad happens?
What if he falls
or I drop the rope?
I mean, after all I'm a jinx.
Eugene, you can do this.
Please, let me do
something right.
Just this once
let me not be a jinx.
Oh, please, hurry.
Pull it tight.
That's it, Eugene.
(GRUNTS)
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Arnold, I did it.
I saved Lucky.
And nothing went wrong.
I knew you could do it.
I got it.
EUGENE: Hey, we're moving.
LUCKY: Moving? Thank God.
Now, we have a nice,
slow, safe ride
down to the ground.
Nothing can go
(SCREAMING) Wrong.
(KIDS CHEERING)
Willikers, you really
surprised us, Eugene.
GERALD: You da man, Eugene.
Hey, you want to go
on the Mr. Gator ride with us?
Sure, guys. I'd love to.
(HAROLD LAUGHS)
(EUGENE GROANS)
Eugene!
(EUGENE SCREAMING)
I'm okay!
I'm okay!
Oh, my God.
Help me, please.
Help!
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)