High Maintenance (2016) s03e08 Episode Script

1 - MOMMY: Molly is here.
She's, um, filming.
- MOLLY: Hello! - Can I open this? - MOLLY: Yeah, like Christmas.
I think this is her head.
(LAUGHING) MOLLY: I like the colors on her blanket.
Yeah, those are the colors in my room.
It matches.
MOLLY: Oh yeah! Oh my gosh.
MOLLY: Oh my gosh, they look so real.
- Ooh, she feels good.
- MOLLY: Can I touch her? Yes! (LAUGHING) MOLLY (WHISPERING): Oh my goodness.
MOMMY 2: Hi, everybody.
I have little Mishka here.
I'm gonna take him shopping.
Look at how cute that is! It's adorable.
Oh my gosh, I'm buying this.
This little guy is silicone.
So cute, so cute.
MOMMY 3: He's super hungry.
"Oh my gosh, they don't feed me over there!" Oh, oh, oh, burp, burp, burp, burp.
We'll give him back his pacifier.
He, uh, tends to cry a lot when he doesn't have it.
TAMI: Welcome back to my channel.
And today, like I told you, I'll be showing you a beautiful baby.
This is Nico.
Look at those little feet.
If you look at my hands next to the feet look at that detail.
This baby is well worth a thousand, but I'll be selling him for 800.
- Babe.
- ARTURO: What? God, Babe, I'm sleeping.
I know, I know, but I found one for 800 dollars! - Babe! - (ARTURO SIGHS) - (DOOR CLOSES) - ADRIANA: Arturo, I got it! He's here! Come on! Come on and film me! Let me see what's going in here.
Where's the kid? Oh my gosh! Arturo, come here! Look at him! (GASPS) He's looks so real! Look at this baby! (GASPS) Look at you, baby! Let me fix his hair.
Pretty little guy.
(GASPS) His skin is so soft, feel it.
Oh my God, look, his head's gonna fall off.
- Wow, that's so weird.
- Oh my God.
Hey, little guy.
Wow.
Look at you.
So cute.
(ADRIANA COOING) Oh shit.
What? What's wrong? He has a little boo-boo on his arm.
Shit.
- Can you return it? - (ADRIANA SCOFFS) What? - What if I return you? - Oh, please.
Oh my God.
- Or better yet, your mother.
- Yo, seriously? - Gonna feed him? - Hmm? ÿA qué? Babe, that's stupid.
(ARTURO SCOFFS) It's not stupid.
Okay, let me get him.
- (COOING): Come here.
Come.
- (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) Babe, you gotta be careful.
Watch the baby's head.
Oh.
Why did you unpause? - It unpaused by itself.
- It did not unpause by itself.
- Yeah it did - Can you rewind? Good night.
ADRIANA: And? Good night, Baby Nico.
- She bought a condo - ARTURO: Oh, wow.
- in Manhatt Oh my God, look.
- Look.
- There's baby stuff.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna check out these records, ma, okay? - Okay.
- Oh, babe.
Stroller.
- What? Okay.
Oh, look how cute and tiny! Oh! - Thank you.
He's a premie.
- Oh.
That new baby smell.
Can I? Sure.
(SNIFFING) Thank you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, I'll bet you want that.
Can I help? - Yes, thank you very much.
- Sure.
I can't believe how cute his nose is.
It's just too cute.
Oh, wow, I can't believe he's sleeping through all of this.
Yeah.
He was up all night last night.
- So was I.
- WAITRESS: I can imagine.
Aw, bless you two.
Go ahead and order whatever you want for dessert.
It's on me.
- Yeah? - Word? Can I get two cannolis? - My pleasure.
- ARTURO: That was nice.
(GIGGLES) I think he's wet.
You think they have a changing station in their bathroom? ARTURO: Really? ADRIANA: You don't want to ask? - (SNORING SOFTLY) - (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY) MITRA: How do you like it? Oh shit, I fell asleep.
It's a really good sign.
How long was I out? Like ten-ish minutes, maybe? - Really? (YAWNS) - Mm-hmm.
Wow.
And you were just watching me? It's my job.
THE GUY: Huh.
How'd I do compared to others? You have a really loud nasal flow.
Okay, I didn't know that.
(CHUCKLES) Well, thanks for that.
Sometimes I dream about selling weed.
You ever dream about watching people sleep? Actually, um, I'm terrified of sleeping.
Cool.
Well, I gotta go.
I hope that indica helps, and, uh, thank you.
- I'll see you around.
It was nice.
- Okay.
ADRIANA: I don't know, I just love the way he says it.
- (IN IRISH ACCENT): "Peaky fuckin' blinders!" - (LAUGHING): Yo.
That's my jam.
- I love that show.
- Oh, you know what? - We should get some glue for Baby Nico's boo-boo.
- Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
- All right.
Yo, mami, I don't think this is gonna fit.
Okay.
All right, I'll go get it.
- You sure? - Yeah, yeah.
What am I getting? I don't know, um, get the automotive epoxy.
- The clear, though.
- Okay, got it.
- Clear! - You got it.
Got it.
(PASSERSBY CHATTERING) (DOORBELL RINGS) THE GUY: Hi, it's me.
(DOOR BUZZES) What did you say the name was? Auto epoxy.
Auto epoxy.
- You didn't say that.
- That's exactly what I said.
- The clear, though, get the clear.
- No, you didn't.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
(DISTANT SIREN BLARING) Oh, my God.
You poor thing.
Is that your baby? (MUTTERING): I'm calling the cops, this is fucking crazy.
Leaving a baby on the goddamn street.
OPERATOR (OVER PHONE): 9-1-1.
What's your emergency? Yes, I need to report an unattended infant.
- At the corner of Jefferson and Wilson.
- ADRIANA: You left the baby.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Excuse me! - ADRIANA: Excuse you? - Are you responsible for this child? - Yes, this is my baby.
Who the fuck are you? - ARTURO: No.
- Yo, Adi, please.
Wait.
- You can't leave a baby out on the street! - You should be ashamed of yourself.
- ARTURO: Oh my God.
Why don't you just mind your own fucking business, lady? - Adi, Adi, por favor, por favor.
- Listen, honey, - we're just gonna wait here for the cops to come.
- The cops?! - Don't touch me, sir! Back away! - ADRIANA: Hey! He didn't do anything to you! He didn't do anything! You came into our business, all right? - Adi, por favor.
- No, that's what white people do! - White people? - They come to this neighborhood and fucking accuse us! - Do what you gotta do! - Say what you wanna say, but I'm not letting you take a baby - and leave it out on the fucking street - Let's go, let's go.
Come on.
- like a piece of trash.
- Get out of our way! - Yo, come on! - Get the fuck out of the way! - CONSTANCE: Is this even your child? - ARTURO: Oh my God! BEA: So you jump in a pool, and instead of becoming younger, you turn into an AI, and it's Cocoon but for millennials.
- What's it called? - Cocoon.
- (SIREN CHIRPS) - What the fuck is that? (ANGRY SHOUTING OUTSIDE) ADRIANA: Get the fuck out of my way! It's people like you - CONSTANCE: People like me? - Yeah, it's people like you accusing us! - CONSTANCE: I'm a citizen of this fucking country.
- Mind your fucking business! - Yo, yo, yo, yo! - Get out of here! All right, all right.
Who called? Relax.
- This fucking bitch called.
- These fucking lunatics - left an infant unattended - ARTURO: It's not a real baby! OFFICER: Calm down, man.
Calm down.
Oh my God.
It's a silicone doll, look.
- (CROWD MURMURING) - This is what you're fighting about! - (GASPS) - It's a silicone doll, look! - CONSTANCE: Oh my God! - ARTURO: That's what you're fighting about! - What are you doing?! - OFFICER: Relax.
Calm down, calm down.
- Relax, the baby's fake.
- CONSTANCE: I should still press charges.
- Yeah, for what? - She came at me.
Nah, it doesn't work like that.
- All right, that's it.
- CONSTANCE: Don't touch me.
OFFICER: Thank you.
Go on your way.
Goodbye.
- (CONSTANCE MUTTERING) - OFFICER: Get out of here.
ADRIANA: What the fuck you looking at? Show's over! (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO TRANSMISSION) - ARTURO: I know, baby - How could you hold him up like that? You just went like this, like he was nothing.
I don't know, I just got heated.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, mama.
I'm sorry.
- (SOBBING) - Okay? (CRYING): She thought I was the nanny.
No, you're not the nanny, mama.
You're the mother.
You're the mommy, okay? You're all right.
It's okay.
Okay? - I love you.
- I love you, too.
All right, let's go, mama.
Let's go.
Come on.
- ADRIANA: I wanna go home.
- Okay, baby, we'll go home.
Hey! Excuse me.
- I think you dropped this.
- Oh yeah, thank you.
Yeah, man.
ARTURO: All right, baby.
I got you.
I'm here for you.
- (ADRIANA CRYING) - ARTURO (SOFTLY): Okay.
(SIGHS) (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) (ARTURO HUMMING SOFTLY) (HUMMING CONTINUING) - What are you doing? - (WHISPERING): Shh, shh, shh.
He just fell asleep.
(WHISPERING): Yeah.
Good boy.
Okay.
(WHISPERS): I love you.
I love you, too, babe.
(ADRIANA HUMMING) - You think he would've gotten along with Sammy? - Yeah, yeah, I do.
(RASPY GROWLING) (GROWLING, GROANING) (GROWLING CONTINUES) (GROWLING) (HOWLING) - You're late.
- Hmm, trains were a mess, and I'm not that late.
(GROWLING) - ANA: Didn't you wear that yesterday? - I did.
(GROWLING) Don't you growl at me.
(GROWLING) - (GROWLING) - Oh, Eli, buddy.
You got to brush those teeth.
Can you make me a hot dog for breakfast? - Poof, you're a hot dog.
- (BARKS) - I'll make you something in a minute.
- (GROWLING) Is your dad up yet? (KNOCKING) (MAN GROANS) Morning.
It's a beautiful day.
Maybe you should get out of the house for a bit.
- (GROANING) - Come on.
All right, come on.
Come with me.
Here, do this.
Stretch stretch your arms up.
Take a deep breath.
(INHALES) Ugh, you're the one that needs the shower.
Well, someone's got their sense of humor back.
I didn't have a change of clothes.
- Take one of Margot's.
- Really? Whatever.
Take that off.
Sorry, I was just putting That's not yours.
Take it off! - Okay, let me just - Take it the fuck off! Okay! Dad, I'm going to Bridget's! - (PHONE CHIMES) - (DOOR SLAMS) (SIGHS) (GROWLING) Come on, Eli.
Let's go.
(GROANS) I know, I know.
We'll get you to the park soon.
(ELI GROWLING) Oh, there's a good spot.
Let's check it out.
ELI: Ooh, that was cool! 'Cause you got rhythm You got style That is why I like ya ELI: Okay, I think we got it.
Eli, let me see.
Oh, buddy, you didn't hit the record button.
Here, try again.
We don't have to get down - ELI: Be a wolf! - (GROWLING) Your turn! Use my body Oh, Eli, you're good! (ELI GROWLING) My body Use my body Use me up Use my body - Use me up - I'm gonna get you! - Use my body - (BOTH GROWLING) You're gonna use me up - (ELI LAUGHING) - ERIN: Tickle! Tickle butts! (ELI BARKING) And what is the A/V situation like? I guess we could bring in a projector, but I don't know where we'd put it in here.
Hmm, I was thinking that we would shine the projector onto the people on the street as we drive by.
Yeah, we'll figure it out.
But cool, though, right? And it's available when we want it, so I say, go.
(ELI BARKING) Okay, okay.
We'll get you some food.
That sounds good.
I think we should go with it.
- Cool.
- Right? I gotta go.
What do you want to get for lunch? - (GROWLING VOICE): I don't know.
- (ERIN CHUCKLING) I want to go to the Natural History Museum today.
That's a bit of a trek, no? - Why don't we go see a movie? - (ELI GRUNTING) - Let's go see a movie.
- (ELI GRUNTING) - Think about a movie.
Thanks.
- Here, let me get those out of the way.
- (BARKS) - Eli, stop it! - I'm sorry.
- No problem.
WAITER: Whenever you're ready.
Shit.
(NEARBY WOMEN CONVERSING IN POLISH) - THE GUY: Jesus.
- MOTHER: That's true.
(DAUGHTER SPEAKING POLISH) MOTHER: You need to speak English.
(CONVERSATION CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) DAUGHTER: The man is climbing onto the car.
(DAUGHTER SPEAKING IN POLISH) MOTHER: Come on, Yurek.
DAUGHTER: The man is on the car.
YUREK: Ze man is on the car.
DAUGHTER: The man on the car is smoking.
Ze man smoking.
Is smoking.
- (DAUGHTER SPEAKING POLISH) - I'm right here.
YUREK: Ze man is smoking.
The woman is jogging.
- Jogging.
- Tak! Jogging.
DAUGHTER: It's like running but slower.
- MOTHER: Jog-ging, jog-ging.
- Ze woman is doing jogging.
Hey, do me again.
DAUGHTER: The man is reading a book.
YUREK: Reading a book.
Yeah.
DAUGHTER: And grabs his beard.
- Grabs beard? - Mm-hmm.
And starts to DAUGHTER: I don't know how to describe that to them, man.
YUREK: Man dabs - (PHONE RINGING) - THE GUY: That's it! That's it.
MOTHER: Cool! You know this.
- Hello.
- ERIN (OVER PHONE): Hey! - Don't you feel fucking nuts? - Sure, um Did I leave my wallet there last night? Oh, no.
Let me look.
- Can I call you back? - Sure.
Thanks.
- (ELI GROWLING) - BOY: Milo, come here.
- ERIN: Thank you so much.
- THE GUY: Not a problem.
Oh, wow.
He's really getting up in there.
It's not his fault, though.
His family's a mess.
THE GUY: You know what Tolstoy says about unhappy families? - ERIN: Mm-mm.
(SCOFFS) Okay.
- THE GUY: Don't work for them.
I don't know, this was supposed to be a temporary gig, but I don't know what else to do I don't even know what else I'm qualified to do.
Welcome to the club.
It's this multimedia dance performance thing.
I never know how to talk about it, but my collaborator and I have been trying to get it off the ground for years now, - so this is exciting.
- That is exciting! - Yeah! Yeah, thanks! - Good for you.
Do you like dance? Yeah, I like, uh, Soul Train with Drunk-Man.
He goes It's like a walker.
Yeah.
Well, you should come.
Yeah, sure, maybe.
Are you doing anything this weekend? (PHONE DINGS) Uh, well, I, uh, I have a person coming this weekend.
(PHONE DINGS) - A person coming? - (PHONE DINGS) Yeah.
Sorry, let me take this.
A person coming like I was a person coming? Uh, well, people come, people go.
I'm so sorry.
I gotta go.
Well, it was fun hanging out.
Yeah, let's, uh Call me.
I will.
For weed.
- Come on, Eli.
- (ELI GROWLING) See you later, Wolfman.
- (ELI BARKS) - Wolfman.
LEV: Hey, Charlie, yeah.
- ERIN: Don't lose my glasses.
- LEV: No, I think I've got a DP in mind for this.
LEV: So let's check his avail.
I'll send you that.
I'll just I'll send you a list of all my guys.
What's going on with him? The film financing came through.
Oh, good! How was Bridget's? Fine.
We took some of Dad's Percocet.
Do you need someone to talk to? Oh my God, shut up.
I don't mean me.
I mean someone professional.
(SIGHS) You know, no matter what you do, he's never gonna put you in one of his movies.
And no one cares about your stupid little dances.
And you're never gonna have any friends, 'cause you're a nasty little bitch.
LEV: See you guys later.
Hey, did you tell her? In two weeks, how would you like to go to Cairo? It'll be two to three months, maybe four.
Obviously, we don't want that.
I'll have a house, and there'll be a room for you.
You can take the kids around.
Or if there's a tutor Maybe you can do that, I don't know.
It's all just happening so fast.
What? (ELI GROWLING) (HOWLING) - (HOWLING) - (DOGS BARKING) Midnight with the stars and you Midnight and a rendezvous Your eyes held a message tender Saying "I surrender all my love to you" Midnight brought us sweet romance I know all my whole life through I'll be remembering you Whatever else I do Midnight with the stars and you - (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) - ARTHUR: Jump on in now, folks! The walking tour is an intimate soirée in People are trying to get to work, you dumb motherfuckers.
- (WOMAN LAUGHS) - Welcome.
New York City.
The gigantic ordering-in situation.
We were good friends.
- Best friends.
- Yeah.
I'm so glad we're still friends.
I'm gonna move to New York.
- You want? - (COUGHS) - THE GUY: Shit.
- (COUGHS) - Did your dad vote for, uh - Yeah.
Course he did.
(MUSIC PLAYING)