Jersey Shore s03e08 Episode Script

I had a reason to [bleep.]
on you in Miami.
Realize that.
So know we're done.
Leave it at that.
Got [bleep.]
up six months ago, and I'm done paying for it.
Watch how [bleep.]
stupid I get.
I got the smush room tonight! He wants to play that dirty game with you, we can play it ten times as hard.
I'm going to get Ron back the best way I know how.
I need a [bleep.]
hot guy right now! She actually had the balls to dance with another guy.
I wanna [bleep.]
wring your neck right now.
Everything is broken and ruined.
I just needed to get out of here.
- When are you leaving? - Like now.
DJ Pauly Delvecchio! I'm going to the Jersey Shore, bitch! All right, we got a situation.
I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! You like the boobs? Do something crazy Look what we do to each other.
I can't do this anymore.
Look, if you wanna go home, I'm gonna let you go.
As much as it [bleep.]
kills me I need to go home and see my family and get out of this relationship that I've been in.
I need to get out of it.
, bro.
I'm still shocked that Sam actually is leaving.
You know what, I never thought that she'd actually leave.
I don't know how to pick myself up from the hole that I've Dug myself into.
I've [bleep.]
myself in so many ways.
I can't even look at myself in the mirror at this point.
Come on, big dog.
Let me chill with you.
I'm gonna chill with you, big dog.
It's good.
It's good to [bleep.]
cry, dog.
You know what I mean? It's all good.
You know what I mean? Think about what's going on in your life.
You got a lot of good things, man.
- She was a good thing, though, bro.
- I know she's a good thing, too, but it works out, man.
You'll be all right.
I got your back.
Here, walk around.
You know what I'm saying? Walk around.
You know what I mean? Just do something.
Some days, I'm Uncle Situation.
Other days, I'm Dr.
Situation.
I'm Chef Situation.
Bang your girl situation, I mean, you know, I'm just, uh, I'm like a A pretty deep dude.
You do Ronnie.
You take care of Ronnie.
You go to the gym.
Listen to music, vibe out.
You know, that's what we're gonna do.
I'm good as hell when it comes to relationships, man.
Listening to Mike about relationship problems is like listening to a sailor about flying a plane.
Life goes on, man, you know what I mean? No matter what.
Time keeps ticking.
And if you don't keep going, you get left behind.
You know, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Life's not cookie cutter.
I'd rather die standing than live on my knees.
You know? That's a [bleep.]
good one.
That's a good one.
I mean, what am I gonna say to him, you know? I could just tell him to put on a little Michael Bolton.
Here.
Come on, you're gonna be all right.
A little fetal position action.
[Bleep.]
, he'll be okay.
But Sam's not coming back this summer.
I missed you.
I have never been so hurt in my entire life.
I'm destroyed right now, and the best thing for me to do is, you know, go home and hug my mom.
And just sit down in, like, a quiet house and just feel better about myself.
Pretty much, I got in a fight with Ron, and all my stuff was destroyed.
What do you mean, destroyed? - What kind of a fight? - Like, my glasses are broke.
All sunglasses ruined.
- Leave my [bleep.]
! - [Bleep bleep.]
, you [bleep.]
bitch.
Enough's enough! Hey! Stop! - Oh, I'm not liking that at all.
- I have no glasses right now.
Mentally, like, I feel like I've been abused.
And I'm gonna have three girls in this [bleep.]
bed tonight! I'm gonna [bleep.]
[bleep.]
out of every [bleep.]
, you stupid bitch! - I never, ever - I don't even [bleep.]
like you! That's why I cheated on you in Miami! - I'm not healthy, and that's why I'm here.
- No, you're not, and you're not healthy, and that's not a healthy relationship.
Loving somebody, you don't treat each other like that.
That's right.
There's no happiness that's not meant to be.
Right? Come here.
Give me a hug.
I love Ron.
I care for him so much.
But I can't I don't know how I let somebody, like, abuse me that way.
I don't know how I do that.
I hate to see you upset.
There's truth out there but I can't seem to find it I'm drunk, I'm stoned, I may be misguided some things that are wrong can't be right What'd she say to you guys? She's coming back? Not to our knowledge, no.
Think she kind of feels like you do all this stuff to her, and then she just stays.
Yeah As a woman, I'd probably leave too.
- I would have.
- Oh, yeah.
Girls are different than guys.
Yeah, that's what we're looking at it as like a woman.
I [bleep.]
up, huh? For her to have that big of a decision to leave like that, like, yeah.
I feel like I destroyed the relationship.
Did you want the relationship? Like, you know, I've definitely realized that I lost something good now.
And it's like Don't give me dirty looks, Snook***.
I'm not on Ron's side.
I'm on Sam's side.
And I don't want to be a part of this anymore because it's so [bleep.]
annoying.
I don't even want to go upstairs.
I don't even want to sleep upstairs to be honest with you.
I, like, wanna break down.
I don't even know what to say.
All right, I'm gonna go.
You do that.
- What the hell? - That ain't right, bro.
One, two, three, four, I declare a prank war.
Aah! My croc! Sam's stuff's gone.
- You didn't touch it, right? - Mm-mmm.
Either she came and got her stuff, or somebody's [bleep.]
with me.
We forgot a [bleep.]
bag.
You okay? No.
If you need anything, Paul is here for you.
Just gotta give it time.
- You know? - Hey, you have the right to be upset for as long as you want.
- You ready? - Okay.
Let's make fun of tonight.
I miss Sammi.
Everyone's in a [bleep.]
mood.
And Ronnie's just, like, toxic.
So we decide, yo, let's throw cake in Vinny's hair.
You distract him.
Talk to him on the couch.
I'll take the cake.
Hi.
Yo, guess what.
I'll tell you a secret.
You wanna know something funny? What? Yes! Team meatballs one, bromance zero.
Ah, that ain't right, bro.
What just happened? These girls don't realize what they just did.
They just started a prank war.
That was the worst thing that they could have ever done.
I know.
In their life.
Where do I go? Hide underneath the bed.
Do not prank me.
I have brains.
You can put Deena and Nicole's brains together and their brain still wouldn't equal mine.
But just so they sleep like babies Toni What happened? - You just got yourself? - Yeah.
What a rookie, bro.
I remember when you used to be good at prank wars, dog.
I say you go straight-up gangsta and grab one of them [bleep.]
pads that are in the garbage full of [bleep.]
.
Put it underneath their pillow.
Yo! One, two, three, four, I declare a prank war.
Look at that little guy.
- Oh, that's a good one.
- Little hershey kiss.
Ugh.
Put some holes in it, though, so it airs it out.
All right, that's good.
Ooh, yeah, [bleep.]
.
These girls are dead.
Yeah, there you go.
Perfect.
That'll be there for weeks.
Yeah, buddy! Good, I know where it is, you [bleep.]
.
I'm here, bitches.
I see it! So as soon as they go out, I run out of the bed, I get it, and I put it under Vinny's pillow.
And it was kind of like, "karma's a bitch, baby!" Like, "joke's on you.
" Sorry there, man.
- What the hell? - Oh, it stinks.
Oh, my God, what stinks? I'm gonna check on my.
That's it, this is war.
And I'm gonna fight back.
And I'm gonna win.
Look what I got.
I find Nicole's most prized possession, her crocodilly that she sleeps with every night, and cuddles with under the covers.
And I take crocodile, to prank Nicole back for what she did to me.
Close your mouth, now speak of something, baby you're the one, baby, meet your demise you're the one, baby, meet your demise you're the one, baby, meet your demise oh, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, all in the sky take the last train to mosel and I'll bet your heart's still racing you've been feeling very good, my love in current situations uhh Did you throw it over? Where's crocodilly? He's missing! I'm gonna cry.
Did you take crocodilly? Did you take her crocodile? Nah, I didn't take anybody's crocodile.
Don't look at me.
Maybe I misplaced it somewhere.
Croc? Croc? Croc! I want Nicole to suffer.
I want Nicole to, you know, look outside, to call her friend, to call the casino pier and see if she left it on the ride, you know? - Mike, did you steal crocodilly? - I swear, baby, I was sleeping.
But I seen somebody running with it.
- Really? - For real.
Where? I feel bad right now.
You know, poor Snooks is running around and her green stuffed animal is missing.
And, you know what? Snooks is never gonna find that.
I saw somebody hang croc.
No! Aah! Croc! Oh, my gosh.
Who does that to this innocent Little thing? Who hung crocodilly? Whose face did you throw cake in? Vinny! - How'd you know it was up there? - Mike.
What the hell is wrong with this kid? Why would he blow why would he blow me up? I don't know.
Mike, family meeting! Yo, why in the world would you tell her you saw me - walking out with her green thing? - Oh, I didn't say you.
- I said I saw somebody.
- Well, why would you do that? You ruined the whole prank, bro.
Oh, you and the smarmy little pranks, dude.
I didn't say it was you.
I didn't say it was you.
But you told her it was upstairs.
It could have went on for [bleep.]
For a day.
Yeah, I didn't I didn't know the seriousness of the the missing crocodile.
- Okay.
- Didn't know the seriousness.
I was I was sleeping.
I wasn't a part of it.
I didn't know how serious the missing crocodile was.
I'm sorry.
I mean, honestly, Vinny, it was a pretty lame prank to begin with.
I mean, come on, heh, it's not Defcon Five right now.
If I saw you doing something, And and she asked me, - I'd be like, "yo, I have no idea.
" - No, I I was like, "what crocodile?' - exactly.
- Yo, his name isn't Sitch anymore.
It's "snitchuation," yo.
"Snitchuation.
" It is, uh I have to take a crap.
I've unplugged toilet bowls in my life before, you know, I'm not an idiot.
What are you doing? - Come on! - Ew! Hey, baby.
I see an ex from back in the day.
Yo, look at Mike.
And then Mike grabs her and starts talking to her.
Wow.
Ron.
It's, like, 9:45.
Sleeping without Sam, I felt weird.
You know, I felt like I missed the person that I loved the most next to me.
I was so nervous having to go up and wake up Ronnie.
Did either of you use the bathroom, just like That was actually Ronnie.
He clogged the upstairs one and he clogged that one.
Now that one won't flush.
- Which one won't flush? - All three of 'em.
I have to take a crap.
The toilet is clogged because I live with farm animals.
That one just backed everything up.
Uhh, there's corn in it! My bathroom toilet bowl is probably filled with tampons, paper towels, toilet bowl rolls.
These people just don't give a [bleep.]
.
So I'm doing every trick in the book to unplug this toilet bowl.
What are you doing? *** Eww.
I've unplugged toilet bowls in my life before.
You know, I'm not an idiot.
Come on! This is [bleep.]
.
But after a while of hard battling against the toilet, I just give up.
It's not going down.
- It's not, right? - Need a plumber.
What's up with Ronnie? It looks like he's gonna kill someone.
Sammi went home last night.
They had a huge fight and she left? - The fight couldn't have been that bad.
- Beds getting thrown.
Clothes over the railing.
Oh, my God.
I was scared.
Ronnie is a fricking hot mess, and this is not what we thought was gonna happen at all.
Andit's just sad to watch.
Oh, my God, I have to poop so bad.
Who is in the bathroom? I really don't know at this point I don't know what to do.
Gonna totally turd in my pants.
With Sam, it's like I love being around her.
Like, I'm at work, and I want to come home to her.
Ugh.
Ron's crying in the bathroom right now.
And he just needs to get out, because I really have to go.
Ronaldo! Ah.
Oh, thank God.
The bathroom is free.
I'm good.
I feel bad for him, 'cause now he's hurting, but he should be hurting for what he did to her.
Yo, he told me yesterday, he's like, "yo, I wanna leave.
I don't wanna be here no more.
" I said, "yo, man, then you need to you know, man up.
" What's he gonna do right here now with himself? He won't be single Ronnie.
- You don't think so? - Nah, hell no.
When we're m.
V.
P.
, we're out grabbing chicks, what's he gonna do, sit at the bar? Hey, if he's crying in the corner, that pretty much is gonna be our [bleep.]
block the whole night.
We don't have single Ronnie right now.
- So we lost both.
- Yeah.
- So there's no point.
- That's the way I look at it.
Ron is just really [bleep.]
up right now.
And we needed to come together and figure out a strategy to help him.
What are we gonna do about Ron? Let's go, handsome.
I'm gonna start calling guys hunks.
He's hurting.
He should feel like she's gone.
We decided to move Sam's stuff down to our room, so Ron doesn't have to see all her [bleep.]
and think about her.
Should we start collecting her stuff? I don't know.
It's good for him, though.
It's good for him.
He's got it has to go down like this.
We get our haircuts at 3:30.
Then that's it.
- Ronnie, you're a hunk today.
- Yeah, you're such a hunk.
- Sorry.
- Can you get on that real quick? Okay.
I'd like to place an order for two dozen roses.
Yeah, one's birthday, for Nikki, and the one's, uh, for Samantha.
I feel like I owe Sam an apology, and I can't do it, 'cause she's not in the house, and I don't want to call her, so I send her flowers, and then I send her sister flowers, 'cause it's her birthday.
Today we'll do red Tomorrow, pink, and then Saturday, white.
Would you like to add a balloon, a Teddy bear, or a chocolate with it? All three.
Let's roll out of here.
Let's just go.
Hey, we're going to get our haircuts.
I don't know if you want to come.
- Haircuts? - Yeah, buddy.
We gotta leave for haircuts.
The keys are right there.
The boys have to physically take Ronnie and move him out of the house so the girls can do their thing.
As bad as it looks Where can we store it? We decide to move Sam's stuff down to our room, because, if she comes back, Sammi needs to be with us.
Here, throw this in it too.
Ew, something stinks.
Right? Like, right here.
No, one over here was - Oh, no.
- No, just - it was dirty drawers, wasn't it? - Just let it go.
Just let it go.
- What I just threw to you.
- Yeah, just let it go.
Oh, my God.
I just picked up dirty underwear! I mean, this here is a grenade-free zone right now.
At this particular time, I'm holding up Ronnie, because I gotta get [bleep.]
done, man.
I'm the situation.
- Let's go, Pedro, let's knock it out.
- I gotta get my eyebrows done, man.
It's a process to be a situation.
Not everybody can do it.
At the barber shop, we plan on taking as long as we can just to keep Ronnie out of the house.
There's classes of grenades.
It goes, like, grenade, grenade launcher, and then the submarine.
After the submarine, there's the tank.
Then there's the scud, right? And then, after the tank, it's the a -bomb.
When he asks where did all her stuff go, should we just say I don't know.
That's why I want to hurry, because they're gonna be home soon.
What time is it? The boys are home.
All right, relax.
Just spent the last two years of my life cleaning.
Keep it that way! Uh, when I get back from my haircut, Sam's stuff's gone.
Coming home and not seeing anything, I'm like, "[bleep.]
, she's gone for good.
" She forgot the rest of her stuff.
That doesn't make sense.
Either she came home while nobody was home and got her stuff and she's not coming back, or somebody's [bleep.]
with me.
[Bleep.]
, we forgot a [bleep.]
bag.
Ahem, you guys moved her stuff? - Hello? - Sam? I hear, "oh, hey, Sam.
" Then she gets all quiet.
Well, he's right here.
- Hi, we found something.
- What? - Eww.
- Eww! - Ohh.
- Ohh! [Bleep.]
, we forgot a [bleep.]
bag.
Ahem, you guys moved her stuff? I just got home from my friend's.
I just cleaned.
Upstairs? No, look it.
When I asked the girls what happened, right away, "I don't know.
I didn't touch it.
I didn't know anything.
" You didn't touch her [bleep.]
, right? Mm-mmm.
I realize that I lied to Ron's face, but, you know, guys have to stick with guys and girls have to stick with girls.
Hello? Sam It's Jenni.
What's up? Hello? Jenni's on the phone, and I hear, "oh, hey, Sam.
" Then she gets all quiet.
Is something going on? No, no, no.
He's Right there.
I mean, obviously, the girls take Sam's side.
They're like, they got their little girl code.
Three weeks ago, there was no girls, you know what I mean? It's like, you can't all of a sudden develop some girl code.
Here.
You forgot the rest of her stuff.
I want to talk to you, but I have to go to work with Vinny.
All right.
Bye.
I think the girls took Sam's stuff downstairs, and I think they should mind their business.
They should only get involved if it affects them.
Right now, I don't trust anybody in that house.
What'd she say? I really couldn't talk to her.
I mean, I saw Ronnie, and I didn't want Ronnie to know I was talking to her.
And then Ronnie gave me her bag, and I was like, "ah, [bleep.]
.
" I was like, "I just gotta go to work," but It's very weird.
Very weird.
I wanna do rides.
Yeah, we're going on the go-karts.
All of us.
- Tickets.
Tickets.
- Get outta here.
- I.
D.
- I'm just kidding.
Shorts skirt's too short.
Don't tell me what to do.
Can I reach the pedal? Oh, my God, I really can't reach.
Yeah, buddy.
Oh, my God! Aah! Aah! I'm falling! [Bleep.]
Jersey drivers! Yeah, I love it! Oh, my [bleep.]
stomach.
- Are you okay? - No.
You're still coming out right? - If I feel like this, no.
- No? I start getting, like, really bad stomachache.
And I'm like I'm backed up.
Maybe once I go to the bathroom, I'll feel better.
Have a coffee.
Then it'll flow out of your butthole like frickin' rainstorm.
- We have to get these toilets fixed.
- I know.
- Hello? - Hey, Ron, how are ya? I just wanted to say thank you.
- That was really nice of you.
- You're welcome.
Nikki called me to thank me for the flowers.
Sisters are always gonna have sisters' backs, and I'm afraid that she's gonna give me a lot of [bleep.]
.
And I know Samantha says thank you, too, for Her flowers, but she's not here right now.
- All right, no problem.
- Yes, I am.
All right, well, I hope you have a good birthday.
- Hello? - Said I hope you have a good birthday.
No, it's me.
I'm just like, "uh" I don't even know what to say.
Hello? I can't hear anything.
All you guys do is fight.
This is between me and my girlfriend, and I'm gonna handle it between us.
You two are [bleep.]
you in the head, and you both need to be single.
.
Do you wanna drink more, or do you wanna play? I see this kid Snooki brings home.
This is the kid that [bleep.]
blocked me with his uncle.
- We gotta go up there like we're his uncles.
- I'll kick the door [bleep.]
in right now.
- Hello? - I said, I hope you have a good birthday.
No, it's me.
Nikki called me, and immediately Sam grabs the phone.
And I'm just like, "uh" Hello? I can't hear anything.
- Hello? - Yes.
Hey, well, you're welcome.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Okay.
I'll talk to you later.
- What? - I said I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.
- All right, bye.
I definitely think, at this point, me and Sam need a break.
I don't want to fight with her.
I don't want to argue with her.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Oh, my God.
I'm in the bathroom getting fresh to death, as I do, and I see these disgusting panties.
And I'm like, "well, who the hell's panties are these?" So I'm like, "I need to investigate this.
" How you supposed to get fresh in the bathroom with some dirty-ass drawers that belong to somebody in this house.
- Whose are those? - I have no idea.
So gross.
Nasty.
- Eww.
- Is that gross? - That's nasty.
- What is? Somebody got some dirty drawers, girl.
It's not mine.
Whose are they? - Ew, don't - I don't know.
Then you they're yours, - 'cause you touched 'em.
- No, I did not.
They're not mine.
I would never wear those.
You know they're not Snook's.
There's no bronzer on 'em.
I'm glad I got a penis, man.
Let me tell you.
I'm glad I got a [bleep.]
.
Yo, you wanna g.
T.
F.
? Gym, tan, find out whose underwear those are? - Hi.
We found something.
- Hi, guys.
Both: What? Dirty drawers.
Ew.
- Eww! Whose are they? - I don't know.
- Ohh! - They were in our bathroom.
They were in our downstairs bathroom.
And I need your help to help me find out whose they are.
Mike, somebody got some dirty drawers, dog.
Ohh, those are Deena's.
Those your Those are not mine.
I never wear underwear like that.
- They're not mine.
Mine's are red.
- I make sure my [bleep.]
clean.
I got them same ones, except mine's are red.
All right, since we don't know who they are, can somebody get them out of the house? 'Cause that's gross.
Blah! Yo, that's the grossest thing I've seen in my life.
They're obviously one of the girls' in this house.
Huh-uh, what about one of those, uh Oh, I don't know.
Maybe it could have been one of their girls.
None of my girls changed down there.
I honestly think it's one of the girls that the guys bring home.
The girls I bring home wear no underwear.
Or they take 'em off in the bathroom.
Yeah, they take 'em off in the bathroom.
Oh, gross.
What the hell Goes on in this house? Can I have a cab in seaside? - Where are you going? - To karma.
- All right, we'll be there.
- All right.
I wear the right shoes so I can outrun everyone I got the right moves like an earthworm in the sun Wow, Mike's ready.
I gotta get sharp I look like trailer trash.
To the best part oh, my God, that's the feeling when the feeling is gone Right now, I don't feel good.
You didn't [bleep.]
yet? Oh, damn.
Deena's friggin' constipated right now.
So she needs some roughage in her diet.
But she needs to switch up something.
Your nickname, the blast, is gonna give a new name to it later.
Ew.
- Couple dance moves, soon as you - If she Jersey turnpiked, i it would be the end.
She'd be like.
Ohh.
You'll clear out a circle for us.
- Shut the [bleep.]
up.
- Let's do it.
You know what? I hate this.
I'm, like, having a bad time.
You're the one that brings it up.
I feel like everybody kind of gets on me a lot, because I'm new and they say I have to get hazed, and all this stuff.
She's mad now.
Stop.
- M.
P.
D.
- Dude, she shouldn't be.
She's like, "I'm open, I don't care, I'll speak about it.
" Then you're gonna get blasted.
I'm over it now, though.
Like, just let me be.
The cab is here! Let's get it started hey, let's, let's get started now's the time, everyone let's grab our things and go then we'll meet in the street that's where we'll start the show one, two, three, four just leave your worries at the door 'cause now you're here, you're at the show and that is all you need to know - How ya doing? - Hi, baby.
- How ya been? - I see a friend from home.
- Vinny, this is Gina.
- Gina, how are you? She happens to be an ex from back in the day.
And I'm like, "wow, it's great to see somebody from back home in seaside.
" - Man, I'm glad you came.
- Wait, do I know you? When do you go back to Boston, Saturday? I think we're leaving here Saturday, going to a.
C.
, staying in a.
C.
Yo.
And then Mike grabs her and starts talking to her.
Yo, look at Mike.
Mike just has no guy code whatsoever.
Like, he'll pull a robbery on your own ex-girlfriend.
Wow.
I can take you home with me.
I'm not like that.
Girls that I make my girlfriends are smart enough chicks not to fall for situation's [bleep.]
.
So my ex-girl Gina, she told me right away.
She's like, "yo, Mike tried to take me home.
" That's situation.
To be at karma right now without Sam, it's feels weird.
Like, you know, I feel like I'm floating around, like my real friend isn't here.
So it's kind of awkward.
Ronnie is so upset that Sam is not here.
He's not acting himself.
He's just pretty much depressed, and I've never seen Ron this upset, ever.
Are you okay? You having fun? I miss her A lot.
I'm gonna be honest with you right now, and don't hate me for it.
But you said a lot of [bleep.]
up [bleep.]
to her, and she deserves to feel like that, and she deserves to go home and be with her family.
But I'll get her back.
How? I'll figure it out.
I will, though.
'Cause I get what I want.
Dude, my honest opinion You two shouldn't be together.
I don't believe that, Snook.
I don't believe it.
Ron, his frickin' motto in life is "deny, deny, deny.
" And he just needs to admit that it's over.
Good-bye.
Dude, you two are [bleep.]
up in the head, and you both need to be single.
And I'll probably be the only one in the house to tell you that.
You're better people without each other.
I'm just telling Snook, "you don't know what you're talking about.
"This is between me and my girlfriend.
"Or ex-girlfriend.
"And I'm gonna [bleep.]
handle it between us.
I'm not playing this - All you guys do is fight.
- That's not true.
You guys are like talking to a frickin' wall, and I'm done trying.
- Ow! - Oh, busted! Deena turns into the sloppopotamus.
Let her breathe, let her breathe.
I wanna go home.
A slop tart and a hippopotamus put together.
I feel like I'm a joke.
- Got something for you.
- I don't want it.
Get out.
It's a sick burger, son.
- Get out.
- I know you want it.
I think he's really waiting for me to ask him, "here, Mike, you wanna give her a go?" You know.
Just one full bite and I'll leave.
One full bite and I'll leave.
Deena, get it, girl! - I love single Jenni.
- Oh, yay! I'm always, like, on the hunt for girls.
I'm always looking around.
I wanna go get a drink.
Come with me.
This girl walks in.
Her name is Kristin.
She catches my eye.
And I'm actually into her.
So why not just hang out with her, you know? I'm set.
Grenade.
Grenade.
Oh, complete grenade.
Karma is getting boring.
It's packed with grenades.
And I wanna meet, like, hot gorilla juice heads.
Tell me what you want, I've heard the worst yet give me a track and I'm killin' 'em I just spent a couple stacks on a brand-new purse there's bottles in the room and I'm poppin' 'em first I meet this little Mario brother.
It was kind of like a last resort.
Like walking out of the club.
"Okay, you're coming with me.
" Because, you know, I'm drunk, and I just wanna hook up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, get going - Hey, let's go! - Well, you don't even know my you don't even remember my name.
- Yes, I do.
- - What's it what is it? - No, why don't you tell me? - Exactly.
Tell me your name.
Gianni.
Whoo! Gianni.
Holla.
- His name is Gianni.
- I know, that's my I can't walk.
Everything is shaking.
Can I pop a squat behind the taxi? Yo, ask Deena if she took a [bleep.]
yet.
Girl was constipated.
Listen, we'll go straight to the bathroom.
- No.
- Just let it out, girl.
No, I don't even have to go.
What's your name, Gianni? - Yes.
- Okay, ass [bleep.]
.
Mike, carry me.
Am I heavy? No.
My boobs are, like, 20 pounds.
Aah! I gotta pee! Your butt's bouncing on my [bleep.]
.
I'm going home because everybody is annoying me.
- Stop being tostitos right now.
- No, I'm going home.
Stop being tostitos.
- Ow! - Oh, busted! Deena fell! Deena fell! I wanna go home.
I miss my friends.
- Deena - No, no one gets it, I wanna Deena, we love you, you idiot.
- Come on.
- No, no one loves me.
- I want to go home! - On, no, let her breathe.
- 'Cause nobody gets me.
- I get you, no, no.
No one gets me.
No one gets me.
Let her breathe.
Let her breathe.
Deena turns into the sloppopotamus.
The combination of a slop tart and a hippopotamus put together.
The sloppa sloppa sloppotapatus? Let's play! - Talk to her! - You can make it.
- She is upset with you.
- What is she upset Let's play! Come on, grab a burger.
- No, I no grab yeah.
- No, Deena.
Deena, just grab two.
Look at me.
Listen to me.
We're only fooling around, Deena.
No, but the thing is, you guys think you can fool around with me always.
- We're fooling around! - And, like, you know what, - sometimes it hurts my feelings.
- DeenaDeena, look at me.
- I feel like I'm a joke.
- Help me out.
Help me cook.
Come on, let's go.
- Stop.
Look at me, Deena.
- No, they think, like, I'm kidding.
Do you want to go home, Deena? Look at me.
Listen, listen.
Don't let anybody get you down.
No matter what.
I'm down worse than you are.
And I'm giving you a pep talk right now.
I usually have thick skin, but, like, ugh.
Just get we're picking on you.
You're like our baby sister that we never wanted.
I'm gonna [bleep.]
, no matter what.
I'm gonna [bleep.]
rip your [bleep.]
Teddy bear that you love.
That's what I'm gonna do.
You're getting way too serious.
All right? I think it was cool that Ronnie really did make me feel better.
He's like a brother to me, Ronnie, now.
So get me some [bleep.]
buns that are in the bread [bleep.]
cabinet.
I want ketchup and [bleep.]
mustard, right [bleep.]
now.
- All right, all right.
- Okay? This is no propane.
This is done.
- Are you running? - No.
Do you wanna drink more or do you wanna play? I haven't had sex in, like, four months.
Right now, I need to be smushing.
Let's claim the smush room.
I get Gianni up to the smush room like that.
Run.
Whoo! I don't like that.
I see this kid Snooki brings home, and I'm like "Wait a minute.
"This is the kid that blocked me with his Uncle.
" This is my sister's beautiful daughter, and I need to pick her up.
All right.
You have to leave? I guess so.
That's the kid that busted in with his Uncle.
We gotta go up there like we're his Uncle.
Dude, I'll kick the door [bleep.]
in right now.
We gotta do it.
He tried to clown me with his Uncle.
So guess what, bro you're in my house.
We're gonna clown you.
- Busted big-time! - Both: Yeah.
*** - Whoo! - Yo, you know who that kid is? That's the kid that busted in with his Uncle.
We gotta go up there like we're his Uncle.
I'll kick the door [bleep.]
in right now.
Yo.
I gotta take my girl out of the room right now.
- Gotta go.
- You know what I mean? - My niece gotta go.
- There'll be no [bleep.]
.
- Hey.
Vinny, stop! - My niece.
- Aah! - My niece gotta go.
Go.
.
- My niece gotta go.
- No, we [bleep.]
.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, [bleep.]
, girl! I don't know why the guys are being [bleep.]
blocks right now.
All I know is I haven't got it in in, like, four months.
So the fact that I have a boy and he wants to get it in, please, let me live.
I have no idea what this kid's name is.
So might as well just give him an ugly name.
Whah! - They're perfect eggs.
- Cheese on 'em now.
Yeah! Vinny gets a burger.
Vin dog! Where you at? - I got something for you.
- I don't want it.
Get out.
- It's a sick burger, son.
- Get out.
I know you want it.
You and your girl can split it.
I think Mike will try to look for leftovers.
I think he's really waiting for me to ask him, "here, Mike, you wanna give her a go?" - You know.
- Have your girl take a bite.
- No! - Come on, get out.
Just one full bite and I'll leave.
One full bite and I'll leave, for real.
Take a big joint.
There we go.
- You want some pickle? - No.
Little pickle.
I'll leave in a sec.
Take more pickle.
There you go, big dog.
I take care of my boys.
You want a drink, dog, real quick? - No, I'm good.
- You sure? It dripped on my neck.
You okay? I feel bad for Ronnie, 'cause you could tell he's, like, distraught.
I didn't know you were gonna be like this.
I'm gonna tell you.
We moved her stuff.
Her stuff is downstairs.
- You see? - I really do like Ronnie as a person.
And I felt bad lying to him.
I felt bad kind of betraying him.
*** her stuff downstairs because *** I appreciate that.
- But - That's like I'm thankful to Deena, you don't even know me that well, as I know these guys for a year, and they wouldn't say anything.
I realized that *** because she feels - embarassed - she crushed me, destroyed me - crushed - I'm embarassed, too.
*** Don't cry.
I'm not Okay.
*** myself so better here.
You think you're gonna leave also? *** I can't put *** go out, drink as much as I want *** myself more and more.
I am embarassed know my actions, and at this point I just want to go home.
Don't leave, bro.
I know it's better for me.
Just like that was what she needed and that's what I need.
This is now worth without her.
- *** - What? I think *** having a really good time right now, I'm sorry *** maybe starting to feel what ***.
Can you call a cab really quick? - I'll call a cab ***.
- Oh, Mike.
- Taxi.
- Two people.
*** surprised we're gonna take her to Time Square.
- *** - Yeah.
sdaf*** Hi, I'm leaving my home right now to go back *** at the Jersey Shore.