Lopez vs. Lopez (2022) s03e08 Episode Script

1
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
Okay, George, we're all here.
What's so important?
I want to introduce you
to the newest member of our family.
It's an air fryer!
Fried air?
God bless America!
You can cook anything in
here pizza, corn dogs.
you could cook a person
in there if you had to.
Under what circumstance
would you have to?
I don't know. They owe you money.
I don't know.
We don't have room for
another appliance, George.
And you're taking up the whole island.
Well, just get rid of
some of this useless stuff,
like this plastic fruit.
Hey, that was real fruit!
Either way, I wasn't gonna eat it.
This air fried corn dog is
the best thing I've ever had.
Good news, Nana.
You don't have to cook anymore.
Not cook?
Then why am I even here?
The George Lopez Air Fryer
makes food good and Rosie gone!
What can't this thing do?
Notice the French doors?
And it has three modes
hot, hotter,
and oh, hell yeah!
Oh, hell no!
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
♪
Who knew that the discovery in that box
would bring investigators all
the way across the country?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I love "Dateline,"
especially 'cause it's
after my favorite show
with that handsome Chicano grandpa.
He's got his hair beautiful in the front
and "Ay, Dios mío!" in the back.
These dino nuggets are delicious AF.
"Air-fried"!
I like when the air fryer doesn't
kill the power in the house.
You don't get it.
That hot little box has
given my life a new purpose.
I finally want to be a better man
for the air fryer.
I'm here.
Good news.
I won a free photo shoot
at the church raffle,
so we are going to
take a family portrait.
I would update my
20-year-old headshot, but why?
I look the same.
Just make sure they get your best angle:
Leaving!
- What's going on?
- I just decided
to leave your father
out of the family photo.
Great.
Then you can leave out me and my pimple.
Meet Zitney Spears.
Oh, what pimple?
Yeah, that's barely noticeable.
I think you both need
to get your eyes checked.
It's like Mommy's head
is growing another head.
Is it really that big?
Which one of them said that?
[GASPS] Oh, my God!
It's gotten bigger!
Dad, it's because of all
this oily, fried food.
Hey, Mayan, the George Lopez
Air Fryer doesn't fry with oil.
It fries with magic.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Not when you're using it to reheat foods
that have already been fried.
Who told you they've
been fried? You don't know!
I got to go deal with this zit.
Oh.
Don't touch it, and try not to stress.
It might make it worse.
Worse?
If it gets any bigger,
it'll have to start
going to school with me.
Gordo, you hurt Mommy's feelings
making fun of her pimple.
I was just pointing out
what we could all see.
Like from the moon!
[LAUGHS]
Yes, yes.
Yes, we can all see it,
but we pretend that we don't
because it's not polite
to comment on how someone looks.
Even if they look bad?
Like, really bad?
If you don't have anything nice to say,
you don't say anything at all.
So I shouldn't say
anything about Mom's zit?
No.
Or your hair?
No.
[LAUGHS] Wait, what?
What is wrong with my hair?
Nothing.
It's very consistent.
Well, yes.
When you when you
find something that works,
you stick with it.
Well, maybe one day you'll
find something that works.
♪
Thanks to that air fryer,
I haven't had any grease in 24 hours.
Last night, I was shaking
and sweating all night.
I feel better today, though.
[GASPS]
Is that one of your arteries unclogging?
The air fryer!
How did it fall off the counter?
This is no accident.
The power cord's been stripped.
Glove up.
Someone in this house has
committed 350-degree murder!
I don't know, George.
You really think someone
would do this on purpose?
Yes!
They hated that I finally had
something in this house
that I truly loved.
What about your daughter?
Finally!
We have to investigate immediately.
If a murder isn't solved
in the first 48 hours,
it becomes a cold case.
And since the air fryer is broken,
we can't make this cold
case all hot and crispy.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna find out
whoever did this to you.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Here, help me get up.
[GROANS]
[SHOUTS IN SPANISH]
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
I'm here.
Oy!
Why do you have more stars on
your face than the Met Gala?
I was stressed about my pimples,
which gave me more pimples,
which is making me really stressed
and giving me more pimples.
But these stickers were recommended
by a reputable medical source.
TikTok?
Yes, ma'am.
Now I just got to do
something to reduce my stress.
Right, so your face will clear up
for the family portrait.
Oh, God!
I forgot about that.
Gordo, I brought homemade sancocho
so you don't have to eat your
grandpa's air-fried garbage
like a dumpster raccoon.
I'm gonna go heat it up.
- Nana, watch out!
- [GASPS]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Are you upset
because you contaminated
the crime scene?
No, I'm upset because
I ruined my outfit.
Maybe it's for the best.
What did you say?
Daddy said if I don't
have anything nice to say,
don't say anything at all.
I don't care what your father says.
If you see something, say something.
I see you, Nana, and I love you.
You should always be honest.
If you don't like my outfit, tell me.
I do like it.
I think it looks perfect
for a woman your age.
But I am not a woman my age.
I am a woman much younger than my age.
I thought you wanted me to be honest.
I do.
I'm fine.
I can take it.
Nana is a big girl.
[SOBS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I'm George Lopez, and
this is "Dateline."
Who knew that the discovery
of a murdered air fryer
would bring investigators
all the way to my front door?
That was so good!
Once the people at "Dateline" see this,
we're gonna to get so famous.
I just hope they still
have a VHS player.
Oh, hello, suspect number one.
You're looking awful suspicious
in that suspicious new hat.
I'm wearing this because
I got a new hairstyle,
and I hate it.
It can't be that bad.
Oh, my God, it's Busted Timberlake!
I know, okay?
I tried to fix it with
Mayan's straightener,
but your air fryer fried the circuit.
That sounds like a motive.
For what?
And why is Oscar filming this?
Hey, man, I'll ask the
questions around here, okay?
Like why did you kill my air fryer?
I didn't do anything to
your air fryer, George.
Hey, denial ain't just a
river in Phoenix, brother.
Whatever, I'm leaving.
Hey, you're not going anywhere
without this hat.
Put it on.
[SPEAKING SPANISH] Put it back!
The key to solving a crime of passion
is to surprise the suspect
when they least expect it.
Rosie, open up! It's George!
Oh, no.
This is another type of crime
a crime of fashion.
I decided to update my look.
She's giving a little Billie.
She's giving a little brat.
She's giving sour apples.
She's giving Jolly Green Giant.
Quinten told me you'd be coming over.
I didn't touch your
stupid air fryer, yo.
Then why did you change your appearance?
Trying to avoid that
orange jumpsuit, Mendoza?
No.
I just decided to stop
wearing the wardrobe
of a middle-aged woman.
And according to Chance,
that middle aged woman is me.
[CRYING]
Easy to cry, easy to lie.
You were jealous of
my air-fried cooking,
but now it's time to face
the truth or consequences.
'Cause it ain't just a
city in New Mexico, brat!
Get out.
Oh, me too, huh?
They say the killer always returns
to the scene of the crime.
But would the psycho killer
be dumb enough to return to
ah, the killer!
Relax.
It's just an LED mask
to clear up my skin
before the family portrait.
Maybe something else was
getting under your skin, Mayan.
Maybe something called guilt.
Admit it. If you couldn't
have fried foods
because of your breakouts,
then nobody could have them.
Your behavior is eerie.
And that's not just a
lake near Cleveland, hunty.
I didn't touch your stupid air fryer.
If that's the case, you'd be
able to tell me to my face.
Take off that mask.
[SPEAKING SPANISH] Put it back on!
With the clock ticking,
the trail leading
to the air fryer's killer had gone cold.
Hey!
Talking to the camera is my thing.
Get your own fake true crime show.
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
This "Dateline" investigation
is taking too long.
"60 Minutes" does it in
Whatever they do it in. I don't know.
We should call the
FBI, the NSA, and CVS.
I'm out of toothpicks.
We need to draw the killer out.
Whoever did this went after
what you love the most.
You should go after
what they love the most.
But what do Mayan, Quinten,
and Rosie love the most?
Why are you two looking at me like that?
Want to help us set up a trap?
Does it involve lying?
What do you care?
You lie all the time,
you crazy little liar!
But Nana told me it's not okay to lie.
It's okay to lie if the
lie reveals the truth.
I'm so lost.
I don't know what I should do.
Yeah?
You don't know what you should do, huh?
How about if I give you a dollar?
Watch out.
I suddenly have moral
clarity on this issue.
♪
I've gathered all the murder
suspects into one room.
Slimer.
Top Ramen.
And the Honey Baked Ham.
What happened to your face?
I did a chemical peel for my skin,
and it burned it off.
Now I just look like tuna tartare.
That's true.
You're probably wondering
why I called you all here.
There's been a break in the case.
You know what, man?
You think you know everything, huh?
No.
There's been a break in the case.
The investigation has
uncovered that the person
who broke my air fryer is
none of you!
Dramatic sting!
Great. It was an accident.
Can we go?
My face feels like an electric blanket.
Feel.
Ow!
We're not going anywhere
until the real culprit is exposed.
And the real culprit is
Another dramatic sting!
Chance!
What?
Little old me?
You can forget the family portrait,
'cause you're getting a mug shot, son.
What?
I loved that air fryer.
She was the little
sister I always wanted.
The oldest motive in the book.
Sibling rivalry.
Cain and Abel,
Kim and Kourtney,
Elton and John.
Confess!
I didn't do it, Grandpa.
The evidence doesn't lie.
So now I'm gonna destroy something
that you love the most.
Not Churro!
No, your Switch!
No, Grandpa, please!
- Dad!
- George.
Enough!
Leave Gordo alone.
I broke your stupid air fryer.
I stripped the power cord.
Mom, you don't have to do that.
I did it.
I unscrewed the doors.
You guys did all that?
I just smashed it on the ground.
Wow, you all did it.
It's like that movie "Murder
on the Panda Express."
You were right, Grandpa.
Once you blamed me, they
folded like a pop-up book.
You tricked us?
Fooled me too.
And I was there when they planned it.
Fine.
The air fryer was really annoying,
so we took matters into our own hands.
There's your big "Dateline" reveal.
No, the big "Dateline" reveal is
that you guys don't care about me
or what's important to me.
So you can take that stupid
family photo by yourselves.
- Do you want me to keep filming?
- Yes!
♪
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
Still not answering our calls.
How long do you think your
dad's gonna stay mad at us?
Not too much longer.
"Dateline's" on in three, two
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for Keith.
Hey, I was watching that.
We're sorry we broke
your air fryer, George.
We ordered you a new one.
I thought there wasn't any space.
We'll make space for it.
Sure, until it gets annoying.
And then you'll be
thinking how much you hate
that 63-year-old air fryer.
Just a shot in the dark.
Are you the air fryer in this situation?
I just feel like you guys don't care
about any of my stuff.
You're right.
We're sorry.
We were just thinking
about what we needed,
not what you needed.
It was selfish.
All right, well, I
guess if that handsome
Chicano grandfather on
that delightful sitcom
can forgive his self-centered family,
I guess I can forgive you guys.
I don't watch sitcoms.
I'm Gen Z.
Well, thanks to you
fools, I missed a show.
I'll be watching it tomorrow on Peacock.
So are you going to be in
the family photo or not?
Mm. No, I don't think so.
You're still mad at us?
No, I just don't want to be in a picture
with a margarita from Chili's
or Vicki Lawrence from "Mama's Family"
and a raw steak.
You guys are gonna let him
talk about how you look?
When I did it, you were like,
"Only say nice things,
but sometimes lie.
But always be honest, but not really."
That doesn't make any sense.
Exactly!
Okay, hang on, Chance.
We changed how we looked
because of what you said about us.
Words can be hurtful.
Are you kidding me? He
doesn't know anything.
He's nine years old.
He can't even wipe his butt properly.
At least I could reach.
You see, that's funny.
I don't know who he's talking
about, but that's funny.
You guys need to get thicker skin.
Or in Mayan's case, any skin at all.
For the record, I think you're all
beautiful inside and out.
Why didn't you tell us that yesterday?
Because I recently came into some money,
and it's done wonders for my attitude.
Now, if you don't mind, I'd
like to watch "Dateline."
I always decide who the killer
is in the first 30 seconds.
Right there, guilty!
Look at that, cold, dead eyes.
A killer, stone cold criminal.
The eyes follow you.
That old Mexican lady did it.
Wait a minute. That's me.
♪