Monk s03e08 Episode Script
Mr. Monk and the Game Show
Here's another geography question for $1000.
What mountain range separates Casablanca from Sahara desert? Is it A, the Himalayas, B, the Atlas mountains, C, the Pyrenees or D, the Aberdare mountains? - Doesn't prove anything.
- It proves everything, and you know it.
- Do you want to see it again? - No, thanks.
I hate watching myself on TV.
Roddy, why did you do it? Have you ever been in debt, Lizzie? And I mean real debt.
It changes everything.
- That's no excuse.
- What are you doing? - The right thing.
- Look, Lizzie, if this is your way of asking for a raise, it worked.
Hey, how much do you want? I don't want money, Roddy.
I'm not you.
All right, you don't want money.
What do you want? I want to be able to sleep at night.
I want to be able to be proud of the show the way I used to be.
What are you going to do, slip it under the producer's door anonymously? Didn't even have the courage to write your own name on it.
Aw, Lizzie, all right, look, I'm sorry.
- Hey, it'll never happen again.
- Damn right it won't.
Okay, okay.
Look, you win.
I'll quit the show.
But just give me one day.
Let me do it on my own, so I can do it with whatever's left of my dignity.
- If this is a trick, I don't - it's not a trick.
It's not a trick.
I swear to you.
Watch, watch tonight.
Before the bonus round, I'll make an announcement.
God help me.
Okay.
Okay.
How about another drink before I walk the plank? Sure.
Thank you.
Welcome back to Treasure chest.
I'm Roddy Lankman.
Well, before we start the bonus round, I do have an important announcement to make.
It's about time.
- My contract here at Treasure chest is almost up, and a lot of people have been asking what my plans are.
Well, this afternoon, I made a big decision, and I'd like to share it with all you people.
I just signed a new 5 year contract, which means I'm going to be right here doing what I always do for as long as they want me to be here.
What do you think about that? Come on.
Oh, my god.
Come on.
Oh, my god.
MONK Season 3 Epi.
08 Mr.
Monk and the Gameshow - Oh, this is looking good.
- You think so? Oh, it's looking fantastic.
A little more mayonnaise, a pinch of paprika.
Maybe two pinches.
Maybe three pinches.
- Okay, that's perfect.
- Maybe four pinches.
Okay, Kevin, I think that's enough.
Thank you.
We are going to need some pepper, and I think I have some upstairs.
Maybe I should bring all my seasonings down here if we're going to be cooking all week.
All week? - Here's something you might find interesting.
This is only the eighth time in my life I have ever had egg salad.
- Really? And how much do you want to bet I can name all eight? The first time was in third grade.
I traded sandwiches with a kid named Stuart kramer.
Then three years after that, my cousin's confirmation party.
Two years after that, I was in a restaurant.
I ordered tuna fish.
- Do you like to laugh? - No, I don't.
Well, get ready to, because I knew it was egg salad.
I could smell it, but the waitress kept saying to me, "No, it's tuna fish.
" Phone.
We're on number three.
Remember where we are.
Hello? Oh, Sharona.
Sharona, how, how's your mom? Oh, good.
Oh, thank god.
Thank god for modern medicine.
Not, not too good, actually.
He's in the kitchen right now naming every egg salad sandwich he ever had.
Eight, including today.
It's not funny.
Stop, stop laughing.
Sharona, I don't, I don't know why you asked him to look in on me.
I'm not a child.
Please stop laughing.
Okay, I'll call you back.
Give her my best.
Okay.
And when you come back bring a gun.
Okay.
bye.
That was Sharona.
She won't be coming back until monday.
Monday.
Wow.
We are going to need some more food.
Let's make a list.
Okay.
Bread, juice paprika, milk No milk.
Right.
Crossing that off the list.
Adding to the list, bok choy.
Doorbell.
Who is it? It's Trudy's father.
It's my father-in-law.
- Yeah, he called this morning.
- Why didn't you tell me? I did.
I wrote it on a post-it note.
We need more of those, by the way.
We're out of them.
- Adrian.
- Dwight.
Dad.
Yeah.
I missed you, too.
Mr.
E.
, here's your coffee.
Sorry it took so long.
I'm still not used to that kitchen.
- Careful.
It's hot.
- Thank you, Kevin.
- Oh.
There's something in there.
- That's a raisin.
I put it in to sweeten the coffee.
Little trick I picked up when I was waiting tables in Aspen, Colorado, which I did for two summers.
Not two consecutive summers, 'cause there was a summer in between - Thank you, Kevin.
- Thank you, Kevin.
- Delicious.
- Okay.
- Oh, happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you.
- Did you get my card? - Uh, yes, I did.
Did you look inside? 'Cause the punch line was on the inside.
- Yes, I did.
- It was very funny.
- It was a pun.
It was very funny.
It's on my mantel.
Everybody likes it.
- How is Marcia? - Much better.
She's, uh, volunteering as a grief counselor.
Believe me, she's good at it.
Send her my love.
Well, I was hoping that wouldn't be necessary.
That's why I'm here.
I was hoping you might come back with me to Los angeles.
I'm producing a new game show.
It's called "Treasure chest.
" Wow.
Wow.
Is that your show? Because I love that show.
Who comes up with all those questions? Well, we have a staff of writers.
'Cause I'll tell you something, that is something I've always thought I would be good at.
I'm always asking people questions, and a lot of the time, they are genuinely stumped.
That's true.
We are.
Adrian My little show's in trouble.
- I think it's serious.
- What is it? Well, I'd rather you see for yourself.
Do you think you could come down to L.
A.
for a couple of days? Plenty of room.
Marcia would love it.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Dwight, I, I can't.
Uh, I, I, I can't just leave.
- Sharona's not here.
- I'm here.
We could go.
Uh, I don't know.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Three guys on a road trip to Hollywood.
- Is Roddy Lankman here? - Lenny, tell Bernie not to start the music cues too soon, and make sure the affiliates are sitting in the front row.
- Mr.
E.
, is Roddy Lankman here? - He's probably in makeup.
Okay, do you think I could talk to him? 'Cause I have some ideas that I'd like to run by him.
Don't worry, mr.
E.
, I won't embarrass you.
- I'm sure you won't.
It's just that Roddy doesn't like to be disturbed before the show.
Tanya.
This is Kevin dorfman, a friend of mine from San francisco.
Would you mind showing him around? - I'd be happy to.
- You're the pointer.
Oh, point to something.
It looks better.
She makes everything look better, Tanya.
- Hey, how did you get this job? - I want you to meet someone.
Val birch.
This is my old friend, Adrian monk.
Adrian.
Well, gym class must have been hell with a name like that.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Thank you.
Are you nearly done, or do you just like touching me? Adrian's here from San francisco.
Oh, Frisco.
God-awful town.
I was there last year.
It was foggy the whole week.
When are they going to do something about all that fog? Well, I, I don't know.
I'll make some calls.
I couldn't see a damn thing, not even that, um Uh, Golden bridge they got.
- The Golden gate.
- No, genius, the bridge.
Right.
That's what they call it the golden Okay, okay.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
We're done, okay? That idiot's won seven times in a row.
Adrian, I know he's cheating.
I just can't figure out how.
- Roddy Lankman? - Uh, yeah.
Kevin dorfman.
I'm a big fan of yours, sir.
A major fan.
- Okay, how you doing? - Look, I know we just met, Roddy, but I understand you have your own production company.
Well, that's good, because I have an idea for a show, and if you're interested, we can produce it together.
- I really can't.
- Okay.
It's called "40 winks.
" In a nutshell, three contestants, three beds.
The first one who falls asleep wins.
So we're watching people fall asleep? - Exactly.
- You snooze, you win.
- I can't do that.
I, I can't even really talk to strangers about ideas.
It's for legal reasons.
Well, it's a good thing I'm not a stranger, then.
- I'm friends with Dwight Ellison.
- Oh, really? I'm here with Adrian monk, the detective.
- Detective? Yeah, from San francisco.
Dwight brought him here to look around.
He's having some sort of problem with the show.
Huh.
- Nice to meet you.
- All right.
- A detective? - Will you keep it down? He's from San francisco.
That's all I know.
- So what? - So what? - He's going to be watching us.
- So let him watch.
He's not going to figure it out.
The system is perfect.
Now, look, here's what's going to happen.
I'm going to win tonight, I'm going to win tomorrow, and I'm going to keep on winning until I say we're done.
- It's too dangerous.
- It's too dangerous, huh? Well, I guess you should have thought of that before you killed your assistant.
Now let's go back inside.
It's showtime.
It's driving me nuts, Adrian.
I need someone to look at this from a different angle.
- Maybe I'm missing something.
- Are you sure he's cheating? He has to be.
That Neanderthal Val birch he's been answering graduate-level questions in geography, history, astronomy.
Nobody's that smart, not even you.
So he has to be getting the questions in advance.
Maybe somebody's helping him, one of the writers.
I thought of that.
For the last two weeks, I've been writing all the questions myself.
These are the ones we're using tonight.
- Who else gets to see these? - Nobody.
Not the director, not even Roddy.
These envelopes stay sealed until he opens them on stage during the actual game.
What are you doing? What is that? It's Roddy Lankman's pencil.
Yeah, those are his teeth marks.
This is what you call a collectible.
You can look, but don't touch.
- I don't want to touch it.
- Yeah, right.
Seriously, don't touch it.
Live from Hollywood, California, let's grab those shovels and go digging, 'cause the name of the game is "Treasure chest".
Here's your host, Roddy Lankman! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to "Treasure chest.
" I'm Roddy Lankman, and, boy, what a nice crowd we have today, but let's welcome back our reigning champion.
He's been here for three weeks.
He shows absolutely no signs of slowing down.
He's a retired limousine driver from Woodland hills.
In his free time, he likes hunting and fishing up in the Bluestone valley.
Welcome back to the show, Val birch! What is the largest desert in Asia? Is it A, the Sahara, B, the Negev, C, the Gobi, D.
.
C, the Gobi.
Correct for $1,000! Thank you, Tanya.
The next question, for $1,500.
which Monarch is sometimes known as "the Tragic queen"? Was it A, queen Elizabeth, B, Marie antoinette, C, Catherine the Great B, Mary ann tonette.
Uh, that is correct.
Marie antoinette.
He mispronounced it.
Here's a $2,000 question, and I see this one has a visual clue, so, Tanya, if you could bring up our visual.
Thank yon very much! Which founding father lived in this house? Was it A, George washington, B, Thomas jefferson, C - B, Jefferson.
- Jefferson is correct for $2,000.
Pitching another perfect game, Val birch.
- Did you see that? - What? He didn't even look at the picture, and he still got it right.
How? - Maybe they're signaling each other.
Val birch is still in the lead with a grand total of $234,000! That's a lot of money, Val.
What do you plan to do with it? I don't know.
Let's just keep playing.
Marcia.
Come see what the cat dragged in.
- Adrian.
- Marcia.
Welcome home.
Thank you.
You okay? Yes, I'm, I'm just - there are so many memories.
- I know.
That's why we could never move.
Oh, honey, this is Kevin dorfman.
Hello.
Kevin dorfman.
I live above Adrian.
May I say what a lovely home you have here.
- Oh, thank you.
- Spanish style, isn't it? - Yes.
Yes, I thought so.
I grew up in a house just like this, except the dining room was over on this side Hello.
Hi, mom, dad.
This is Adrian.
- Mr.
and Mrs.
Ellison.
- It's Dwight and Marcia.
I feel like we're old friends, the way Trudy talks about you.
She's been sending us articles and newspaper stories.
You can believe about 40% of that stuff.
Come in, come in.
You must be exhausted.
- Nice to see you.
- So good to see you, too.
Oh, that's okay.
We don't mind a little dirt.
- Almost done.
- Okay.
You have a beautiful home.
Well, that's fascinating.
Well, come on in.
I'm sure you must all be exhausted.
Adrian, you remember where the guest room is? Oh, yeah.
It's still how she left it.
Do you want to go in? There might be something you want to keep.
I can't.
I know.
It took me 2 and half years.
How did you do it, Marcia? How did you survive? I didn't think I would.
I was buried alive.
Buried alive.
And then one day, the sun came up.
My garden was blooming.
Kids were riding by the house on their bikes, and I decided to give the world a second chance.
It's still a beautiful world, Adrian.
- You don't have to do that.
- It's no problem.
I remember how you like everything separated.
It's okay.
So, Kevin, did I understand Adrian correctly? You won the lottery a couple years ago? Yes, I did.
That is accurate.
And you're probably wondering what happened to all the money.
That's a fair question.
Here's a tip.
if you're ever lucky enough to win the big jackpot, you should probably not make some of the mistakes I made.
For one thing, Vegas.
it's a good place to avoid.
Secondly, if you're ever going to hire an accountant, you might want to make sure he's certified.
And most importantly, never, under any circumstances, marry Lisa Abromowitz.
I'll try to remember that.
Or her sister Shelly.
Is something wrong with the food? Oh, no, mom.
It's perfect.
I'll, um, explain later.
Adrian, I'm producing a new cop show in the fall.
We're looking for a consultant to work with the writers, keep us honest.
The position is yours if you want it.
- Wow.
Dwight, I don't know what to say.
Why don't you say yes? Dad, that's really sweet, but Adrian would never quit his job.
It's his life.
Oh, you guys should see him.
- He is so brilliant.
- Here we go.
When he's at a crime scene, the other policemen, they just stand back and watch him work.
They watch me so they know what not to do.
Oh, you are so modest.
Besides, we love San francisco.
I really can't see us ever leaving.
It's so far away.
Not the way Trudy drives.
So you won't be moving back.
Well, Adrian, you take care of my little girl.
- She's all we have.
- Yes, sir.
I will.
I'm so sorry.
- About what? - Wait a minute.
Hold the phone.
I've got it.
Got what? - How they're cheating on the show.
It's a code.
Roddy Lankman is blinking when he asks the questions.
Like once for A, two for B.
- That's what he does.
- No, no, no, no.
I thought about that.
I've studied every frame from every show.
It's impossible.
He never blinks or gestures or changes his voice, at least that I could tell.
Well, you were there.
Did you notice anything? - No, no.
But when can I talk to this Mr.
Lankman? I've already asked him.
He won't talk to you or anybody.
These days, he hardly ever leaves his trailer.
Poor guy's had a pretty tough year.
What happened? Well, for one thing, he's broke.
He declared bankruptcy last January.
- And then there was the accident.
- What accident? Last month his personal assistant, a girl named Lizzie Talvo, was killed.
Her car went off the road in Bluestone valley.
- Roddy took it pretty hard.
- Bluestone valley? Val birch goes fishing in Bluestone valley.
They mentioned it on the show when they introduced him.
Val birch fishes where the girl was killed.
He fishes where the girl was killed.
That's probably important.
Did you notice he said it twice? - Are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Why are you making that face? - We're in rugged terrain.
This is my rugged terrain face.
- Okay.
Okay, she was, she was traveling east.
Her car went off the road up there, ended up right here between these two rocks.
- Haven't the police already been here? - Well, that's true but they weren't really looking for anything.
This wasn't a criminal investigation.
What is it? Something? Something intended for Dwight Ellison.
- An exercise tape.
- Did you bring those baggies? Oh, this is real evidence, isn't it? Oh, goodness.
I feel like a - What's the matter? Are you okay? - I just swallowed a bug.
- You, you what? - I'm okay.
- - Oh, god.
What is it? It's Val birch.
He was here.
Kevin? - It's okay.
I spit that one out.
Oh, god.
Just, let's get out of here, and just, for god's sake, cover your mouth.
- Okay.
It's just a videotape.
"Thighs and abs: 10 minutes a day to a perfect you.
" Does that mean anything to you? Yeah, me neither.
We're at Val birch's house now.
I want to have another word with him.
No, I'll be fine.
Thanks.
I appreciate that, Dwight.
I don't think he's home.
Hello, Mr.
Birch? Hello, it's Adrian monk.
We spoke yesterday at the show.
Mr.
Birch? I'm here, too.
Kevin dorfman.
I'm his upstairs neighbor.
It looks unlocked? What do you think? Well, we can't go in without a reason.
- I'm kind of thirsty.
Does that count? - No, Kevin.
Thirst is no excuse for breaking and entering.
- Wouldn't it be cool if it was? - Yes, that would be cool.
Here.
Let me what are you doing? What are you doing? I'm leaning in.
Yeah, I went to law school for three semesters.
You can lean anywhere you want.
It's in the constitution.
I can't imagine which constitution you're referring to.
You know what? Grab my pants.
Pardon me? - Grab my pants.
I need the counterweight.
Kevin, I really don't want to grab your pants.
If I touch that floor, it's a felony.
Mr.
Birch? Hello? Mr.
Birch?.
Hello? Kevin, you see that pencil on the chair? Can you reach that? - You got it? - I got it.
Pull me.
Yes, I got it.
Do you still have the pencil that Roddy Lankman gave you yesterday? - The collectible.
- The collectible.
- Kevin, do you have the pencil? - I have the pencil.
He was here.
Roddy Lankman was here but why? Maybe they were trying to figure out how to cheat.
Let's go.
Hi, this is your old pal Val.
Leave your message when you hear the beep.
He's checking his messages.
You have one saved message.
May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
He's skipping that one.
You have one new message.
Today, 10:15 A.
M.
Mr.
Birch, this is Tony Forrest at Southland mercedes.
I have some good news for you.
The new 640 you ordered will be in tomorrow.
I got it here in three weeks just like I promised.
Let me know when you want to pick it up.
He ordered a new Mercedes-Benz four weeks ago.
Before he went on the show.
That's what I call confidence.
He knew he was going to win.
If we can figure out how they're cheating, we can nail them both.
- I have to get closer.
- Closer? Yesterday we were in the front row.
You can't get much closer than that.
Please welcome to the show, Adrian monk.
Welcome to the show, Adrian.
Mr.
E.
, You are not going to regret this.
Is there anybody you'd like to say hello to? - Yes.
Okay, who would that be? - Sharona.
She's in New Jersey visiting her mother.
Oh, that's very nice.
How long have you and Sharona been married? No, no, no.
Uh, Sharona is my nurse.
I was married, but my wife Trudy was killed by a car bomb.
Did he just say "car bomb"? Which is why I have devoted my life to putting criminals behind bars, even famous, powerful men who think they're above the law.
Uh, I'm sure you do a great job, too.
- All right, who wants to - Dig for treasure? All right, Tanya, let's get this game started.
We're going to start out with a $1,000 question.
Where Adrian.
I'm sorry.
Um, there was a smudge on my buzzer thing.
Well, I'm sorry, but according to our rule book, you'll have to answer the question.
Could you repeat the question, please? Yes, but unfortunately, only the part that you've already heard, so where? Where? Where? Once more, please.
- Where? - Where you have 10 seconds.
Constantinople.
Well, we're a multiple choice show, so all we need is A, B, C, or D.
- D.
- D? - No, B.
- B.
B.
B.
Definitely B.
- B, and that's your final answer.
- A.
Uh, well, the correct answer is C, Macy's.
Moving on, let's go to our $1,500 question.
Oh, for the love of god.
I'm sorry.
It's still a little grimy here.
Time is money for some of us.
Okay, I'll try.
All right, moving onto the $1,500 question Okay.
I'm done.
That's it.
- What element do you add to iron to make steel? Is it A, aluminum, B, carbon, - C, lead, or - B, carbon.
Carbon is correct for $1,500.
They're still cheating.
But why would they do that with Adrian out there? They have no choice.
- If Val loses today, he can't come back.
- What Greek city hosted - the original olympics? - That's a good point.
Was it A, Athens, B, Rhodes, - C, Olympia - C, Olympia.
Correct again for $1,500.
He figured it out.
He knows how they're cheating.
One minute.
We are back in one.
- So you figured it out? - Yes, sir.
I know how they're cheating.
Was I right about the blinking? - No.
- Was I close? - No.
But it is a code.
Lankman is holding the question cards differently every time.
If he holds it by this corner, it means the answer is A.
This corner means B, and this one's for C.
What do we do now? I guess we call the police.
Hi, it's me.
It's 7:15.
Call me when you get home.
I love you.
Dwight Dwight! When did Lizzie Talvo die? - What was the date? - May 2nd.
May 2nd.
About what time? - Evening, while the show was on.
- Around 7:39 P.
M.
? - That sounds about right.
- Don't call the police.
Not yet.
These men are guilty of more than just cheating, and I think I can prove it.
- You're going to prove it now? - If I don't do it now, they might destroy the evidence.
- 15 seconds! Places! - I got to go.
I got to go.
Listen, isn't there a way to make a phone call during the show? Well, you can phone a friend, but only if you make it to the bonus round.
Oh, you're so far behind.
You'll never make it.
Five seconds! Welcome back to "Treasure chest.
" My name is Roddy Lankman, and our reigning champ Val birch is in the lead again with $3,000.
In second place, Susan with zero, and, Adrian, you're at negative $1,000.
Well, Roddy, I think my luck is about to change.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Let's do round two and dig for treasure.
For $4,000, the bone that connects your knee to your ankle is - the A, fibula, B, tibia - B, tibia.
That is correct.
Next question.
How many square yards in an acre? Is C.
Uh, C is correct.
It's 4,840 square yards.
Lucky guess.
A lucky guess indeed.
For $5,000 - D.
- D is correct.
Another lucky guess.
For $5,500, president Mckinley was assassinated - D.
/- B.
- D.
The answer is D, Roddy.
D is correct, yes.
Next question - who - B, B, B, B, B.
B is correct.
It's Jackson Browne.
- Susan, are you okay? - I, I just it looked so much easier when I was watching at home.
Yes, it always looks easier at home.
- For $6,000 - C! - No, C is not right.
- A.
A is correct.
The wombat.
And for the last question, for $6,000, - what element - D.
D is correct, and that's the end of round two.
A couple of very intelligent gentlemen here.
Uh, that means Adrian monk is the winner of round two.
Val birch, you're going to have to sit this one out this time.
Adrian, you understand what happens in round two.
You answer these five questions correctly, and you not only win this game, but you win this great big pot of gold! You know how we play our game.
You have five questions.
Let's see how you do.
Adrian, who was the first president to win the nobel peace prize? Roddy, I understand I can phone a friend.
You want to phone a friend on the first question.
Well, you're the boss.
Tanya, let's bring him the phone.
For those joining us for the first time, Adrian is going to call a friend to see if he can get a little help on this very important bonus round question.
All right, who would you like to call? Well, Roddy, I would like to call - him.
- Me? You want to call me? I don't think I'm at home.
Well, Mr.
Monk, what are you doing? Do you know what he's doing? Because I don't know what he's doing.
I'm trying to prove that you are guilty of murder, Mr.
Lankman, or at the very least, manslaughter.
Lizzie Talvo, your personal assistant, discovered that you were cheating on the show.
- Uh can we go to a commercial? - You do and you're fired.
She died about a month ago in a car crash, and this man has been blackmailing you ever since, and you have been paying him off here on your show by feeding him the answers.
I knew it.
Do over.
Mr.
Birch, you were in Bluestone valley the night she died.
You must have seen the crash.
She was still alive when you got to the car.
She had to have said something to you before she died something about Mr.
Lankman.
You must have realized you just hit the jackpot.
You called your own answering machine and recorded her dying words.
You can't prove any of this.
I was at your house yesterday, and I happened to hear the date and time stamp of a phone message that you had saved May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
I think I can prove it, sir.
What's your number? Adrian, it's 555-0137.
Thank you, Dwight.
Hi, this is your old pal Val.
Leave your message when you hear the beep.
You have one saved message.
May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
It was Roddy.
It was Roddy Lankman.
He was cheating on the show.
I was going to blow the whistle.
He cut my brakes.
Roddy.
Mr.
Lankman, Mr.
Birch, some homicide detectives are outside.
They want to talk to you.
Adrian.
You were amazing.
Just like Trudy always said.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for Trudy.
Monday.
Dear diary, it is a terrible day.
Ginger died this morning.
I was too sad to go to school or even eat.
I cried all day.
I will never be happy again.
Friday.
Tomorrow I'm going to camp.
I have been packing all day.
It's going to be so much fun.
I can't wait.
I still think about Ginger sometimes, but now I just remember the good times.
I guess daddy was right.
God wants people to be happy.
Nobody can stay sad forever.
What mountain range separates Casablanca from Sahara desert? Is it A, the Himalayas, B, the Atlas mountains, C, the Pyrenees or D, the Aberdare mountains? - Doesn't prove anything.
- It proves everything, and you know it.
- Do you want to see it again? - No, thanks.
I hate watching myself on TV.
Roddy, why did you do it? Have you ever been in debt, Lizzie? And I mean real debt.
It changes everything.
- That's no excuse.
- What are you doing? - The right thing.
- Look, Lizzie, if this is your way of asking for a raise, it worked.
Hey, how much do you want? I don't want money, Roddy.
I'm not you.
All right, you don't want money.
What do you want? I want to be able to sleep at night.
I want to be able to be proud of the show the way I used to be.
What are you going to do, slip it under the producer's door anonymously? Didn't even have the courage to write your own name on it.
Aw, Lizzie, all right, look, I'm sorry.
- Hey, it'll never happen again.
- Damn right it won't.
Okay, okay.
Look, you win.
I'll quit the show.
But just give me one day.
Let me do it on my own, so I can do it with whatever's left of my dignity.
- If this is a trick, I don't - it's not a trick.
It's not a trick.
I swear to you.
Watch, watch tonight.
Before the bonus round, I'll make an announcement.
God help me.
Okay.
Okay.
How about another drink before I walk the plank? Sure.
Thank you.
Welcome back to Treasure chest.
I'm Roddy Lankman.
Well, before we start the bonus round, I do have an important announcement to make.
It's about time.
- My contract here at Treasure chest is almost up, and a lot of people have been asking what my plans are.
Well, this afternoon, I made a big decision, and I'd like to share it with all you people.
I just signed a new 5 year contract, which means I'm going to be right here doing what I always do for as long as they want me to be here.
What do you think about that? Come on.
Oh, my god.
Come on.
Oh, my god.
MONK Season 3 Epi.
08 Mr.
Monk and the Gameshow - Oh, this is looking good.
- You think so? Oh, it's looking fantastic.
A little more mayonnaise, a pinch of paprika.
Maybe two pinches.
Maybe three pinches.
- Okay, that's perfect.
- Maybe four pinches.
Okay, Kevin, I think that's enough.
Thank you.
We are going to need some pepper, and I think I have some upstairs.
Maybe I should bring all my seasonings down here if we're going to be cooking all week.
All week? - Here's something you might find interesting.
This is only the eighth time in my life I have ever had egg salad.
- Really? And how much do you want to bet I can name all eight? The first time was in third grade.
I traded sandwiches with a kid named Stuart kramer.
Then three years after that, my cousin's confirmation party.
Two years after that, I was in a restaurant.
I ordered tuna fish.
- Do you like to laugh? - No, I don't.
Well, get ready to, because I knew it was egg salad.
I could smell it, but the waitress kept saying to me, "No, it's tuna fish.
" Phone.
We're on number three.
Remember where we are.
Hello? Oh, Sharona.
Sharona, how, how's your mom? Oh, good.
Oh, thank god.
Thank god for modern medicine.
Not, not too good, actually.
He's in the kitchen right now naming every egg salad sandwich he ever had.
Eight, including today.
It's not funny.
Stop, stop laughing.
Sharona, I don't, I don't know why you asked him to look in on me.
I'm not a child.
Please stop laughing.
Okay, I'll call you back.
Give her my best.
Okay.
And when you come back bring a gun.
Okay.
bye.
That was Sharona.
She won't be coming back until monday.
Monday.
Wow.
We are going to need some more food.
Let's make a list.
Okay.
Bread, juice paprika, milk No milk.
Right.
Crossing that off the list.
Adding to the list, bok choy.
Doorbell.
Who is it? It's Trudy's father.
It's my father-in-law.
- Yeah, he called this morning.
- Why didn't you tell me? I did.
I wrote it on a post-it note.
We need more of those, by the way.
We're out of them.
- Adrian.
- Dwight.
Dad.
Yeah.
I missed you, too.
Mr.
E.
, here's your coffee.
Sorry it took so long.
I'm still not used to that kitchen.
- Careful.
It's hot.
- Thank you, Kevin.
- Oh.
There's something in there.
- That's a raisin.
I put it in to sweeten the coffee.
Little trick I picked up when I was waiting tables in Aspen, Colorado, which I did for two summers.
Not two consecutive summers, 'cause there was a summer in between - Thank you, Kevin.
- Thank you, Kevin.
- Delicious.
- Okay.
- Oh, happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you.
- Did you get my card? - Uh, yes, I did.
Did you look inside? 'Cause the punch line was on the inside.
- Yes, I did.
- It was very funny.
- It was a pun.
It was very funny.
It's on my mantel.
Everybody likes it.
- How is Marcia? - Much better.
She's, uh, volunteering as a grief counselor.
Believe me, she's good at it.
Send her my love.
Well, I was hoping that wouldn't be necessary.
That's why I'm here.
I was hoping you might come back with me to Los angeles.
I'm producing a new game show.
It's called "Treasure chest.
" Wow.
Wow.
Is that your show? Because I love that show.
Who comes up with all those questions? Well, we have a staff of writers.
'Cause I'll tell you something, that is something I've always thought I would be good at.
I'm always asking people questions, and a lot of the time, they are genuinely stumped.
That's true.
We are.
Adrian My little show's in trouble.
- I think it's serious.
- What is it? Well, I'd rather you see for yourself.
Do you think you could come down to L.
A.
for a couple of days? Plenty of room.
Marcia would love it.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Dwight, I, I can't.
Uh, I, I, I can't just leave.
- Sharona's not here.
- I'm here.
We could go.
Uh, I don't know.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Three guys on a road trip to Hollywood.
- Is Roddy Lankman here? - Lenny, tell Bernie not to start the music cues too soon, and make sure the affiliates are sitting in the front row.
- Mr.
E.
, is Roddy Lankman here? - He's probably in makeup.
Okay, do you think I could talk to him? 'Cause I have some ideas that I'd like to run by him.
Don't worry, mr.
E.
, I won't embarrass you.
- I'm sure you won't.
It's just that Roddy doesn't like to be disturbed before the show.
Tanya.
This is Kevin dorfman, a friend of mine from San francisco.
Would you mind showing him around? - I'd be happy to.
- You're the pointer.
Oh, point to something.
It looks better.
She makes everything look better, Tanya.
- Hey, how did you get this job? - I want you to meet someone.
Val birch.
This is my old friend, Adrian monk.
Adrian.
Well, gym class must have been hell with a name like that.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Thank you.
Are you nearly done, or do you just like touching me? Adrian's here from San francisco.
Oh, Frisco.
God-awful town.
I was there last year.
It was foggy the whole week.
When are they going to do something about all that fog? Well, I, I don't know.
I'll make some calls.
I couldn't see a damn thing, not even that, um Uh, Golden bridge they got.
- The Golden gate.
- No, genius, the bridge.
Right.
That's what they call it the golden Okay, okay.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
We're done, okay? That idiot's won seven times in a row.
Adrian, I know he's cheating.
I just can't figure out how.
- Roddy Lankman? - Uh, yeah.
Kevin dorfman.
I'm a big fan of yours, sir.
A major fan.
- Okay, how you doing? - Look, I know we just met, Roddy, but I understand you have your own production company.
Well, that's good, because I have an idea for a show, and if you're interested, we can produce it together.
- I really can't.
- Okay.
It's called "40 winks.
" In a nutshell, three contestants, three beds.
The first one who falls asleep wins.
So we're watching people fall asleep? - Exactly.
- You snooze, you win.
- I can't do that.
I, I can't even really talk to strangers about ideas.
It's for legal reasons.
Well, it's a good thing I'm not a stranger, then.
- I'm friends with Dwight Ellison.
- Oh, really? I'm here with Adrian monk, the detective.
- Detective? Yeah, from San francisco.
Dwight brought him here to look around.
He's having some sort of problem with the show.
Huh.
- Nice to meet you.
- All right.
- A detective? - Will you keep it down? He's from San francisco.
That's all I know.
- So what? - So what? - He's going to be watching us.
- So let him watch.
He's not going to figure it out.
The system is perfect.
Now, look, here's what's going to happen.
I'm going to win tonight, I'm going to win tomorrow, and I'm going to keep on winning until I say we're done.
- It's too dangerous.
- It's too dangerous, huh? Well, I guess you should have thought of that before you killed your assistant.
Now let's go back inside.
It's showtime.
It's driving me nuts, Adrian.
I need someone to look at this from a different angle.
- Maybe I'm missing something.
- Are you sure he's cheating? He has to be.
That Neanderthal Val birch he's been answering graduate-level questions in geography, history, astronomy.
Nobody's that smart, not even you.
So he has to be getting the questions in advance.
Maybe somebody's helping him, one of the writers.
I thought of that.
For the last two weeks, I've been writing all the questions myself.
These are the ones we're using tonight.
- Who else gets to see these? - Nobody.
Not the director, not even Roddy.
These envelopes stay sealed until he opens them on stage during the actual game.
What are you doing? What is that? It's Roddy Lankman's pencil.
Yeah, those are his teeth marks.
This is what you call a collectible.
You can look, but don't touch.
- I don't want to touch it.
- Yeah, right.
Seriously, don't touch it.
Live from Hollywood, California, let's grab those shovels and go digging, 'cause the name of the game is "Treasure chest".
Here's your host, Roddy Lankman! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to "Treasure chest.
" I'm Roddy Lankman, and, boy, what a nice crowd we have today, but let's welcome back our reigning champion.
He's been here for three weeks.
He shows absolutely no signs of slowing down.
He's a retired limousine driver from Woodland hills.
In his free time, he likes hunting and fishing up in the Bluestone valley.
Welcome back to the show, Val birch! What is the largest desert in Asia? Is it A, the Sahara, B, the Negev, C, the Gobi, D.
.
C, the Gobi.
Correct for $1,000! Thank you, Tanya.
The next question, for $1,500.
which Monarch is sometimes known as "the Tragic queen"? Was it A, queen Elizabeth, B, Marie antoinette, C, Catherine the Great B, Mary ann tonette.
Uh, that is correct.
Marie antoinette.
He mispronounced it.
Here's a $2,000 question, and I see this one has a visual clue, so, Tanya, if you could bring up our visual.
Thank yon very much! Which founding father lived in this house? Was it A, George washington, B, Thomas jefferson, C - B, Jefferson.
- Jefferson is correct for $2,000.
Pitching another perfect game, Val birch.
- Did you see that? - What? He didn't even look at the picture, and he still got it right.
How? - Maybe they're signaling each other.
Val birch is still in the lead with a grand total of $234,000! That's a lot of money, Val.
What do you plan to do with it? I don't know.
Let's just keep playing.
Marcia.
Come see what the cat dragged in.
- Adrian.
- Marcia.
Welcome home.
Thank you.
You okay? Yes, I'm, I'm just - there are so many memories.
- I know.
That's why we could never move.
Oh, honey, this is Kevin dorfman.
Hello.
Kevin dorfman.
I live above Adrian.
May I say what a lovely home you have here.
- Oh, thank you.
- Spanish style, isn't it? - Yes.
Yes, I thought so.
I grew up in a house just like this, except the dining room was over on this side Hello.
Hi, mom, dad.
This is Adrian.
- Mr.
and Mrs.
Ellison.
- It's Dwight and Marcia.
I feel like we're old friends, the way Trudy talks about you.
She's been sending us articles and newspaper stories.
You can believe about 40% of that stuff.
Come in, come in.
You must be exhausted.
- Nice to see you.
- So good to see you, too.
Oh, that's okay.
We don't mind a little dirt.
- Almost done.
- Okay.
You have a beautiful home.
Well, that's fascinating.
Well, come on in.
I'm sure you must all be exhausted.
Adrian, you remember where the guest room is? Oh, yeah.
It's still how she left it.
Do you want to go in? There might be something you want to keep.
I can't.
I know.
It took me 2 and half years.
How did you do it, Marcia? How did you survive? I didn't think I would.
I was buried alive.
Buried alive.
And then one day, the sun came up.
My garden was blooming.
Kids were riding by the house on their bikes, and I decided to give the world a second chance.
It's still a beautiful world, Adrian.
- You don't have to do that.
- It's no problem.
I remember how you like everything separated.
It's okay.
So, Kevin, did I understand Adrian correctly? You won the lottery a couple years ago? Yes, I did.
That is accurate.
And you're probably wondering what happened to all the money.
That's a fair question.
Here's a tip.
if you're ever lucky enough to win the big jackpot, you should probably not make some of the mistakes I made.
For one thing, Vegas.
it's a good place to avoid.
Secondly, if you're ever going to hire an accountant, you might want to make sure he's certified.
And most importantly, never, under any circumstances, marry Lisa Abromowitz.
I'll try to remember that.
Or her sister Shelly.
Is something wrong with the food? Oh, no, mom.
It's perfect.
I'll, um, explain later.
Adrian, I'm producing a new cop show in the fall.
We're looking for a consultant to work with the writers, keep us honest.
The position is yours if you want it.
- Wow.
Dwight, I don't know what to say.
Why don't you say yes? Dad, that's really sweet, but Adrian would never quit his job.
It's his life.
Oh, you guys should see him.
- He is so brilliant.
- Here we go.
When he's at a crime scene, the other policemen, they just stand back and watch him work.
They watch me so they know what not to do.
Oh, you are so modest.
Besides, we love San francisco.
I really can't see us ever leaving.
It's so far away.
Not the way Trudy drives.
So you won't be moving back.
Well, Adrian, you take care of my little girl.
- She's all we have.
- Yes, sir.
I will.
I'm so sorry.
- About what? - Wait a minute.
Hold the phone.
I've got it.
Got what? - How they're cheating on the show.
It's a code.
Roddy Lankman is blinking when he asks the questions.
Like once for A, two for B.
- That's what he does.
- No, no, no, no.
I thought about that.
I've studied every frame from every show.
It's impossible.
He never blinks or gestures or changes his voice, at least that I could tell.
Well, you were there.
Did you notice anything? - No, no.
But when can I talk to this Mr.
Lankman? I've already asked him.
He won't talk to you or anybody.
These days, he hardly ever leaves his trailer.
Poor guy's had a pretty tough year.
What happened? Well, for one thing, he's broke.
He declared bankruptcy last January.
- And then there was the accident.
- What accident? Last month his personal assistant, a girl named Lizzie Talvo, was killed.
Her car went off the road in Bluestone valley.
- Roddy took it pretty hard.
- Bluestone valley? Val birch goes fishing in Bluestone valley.
They mentioned it on the show when they introduced him.
Val birch fishes where the girl was killed.
He fishes where the girl was killed.
That's probably important.
Did you notice he said it twice? - Are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Why are you making that face? - We're in rugged terrain.
This is my rugged terrain face.
- Okay.
Okay, she was, she was traveling east.
Her car went off the road up there, ended up right here between these two rocks.
- Haven't the police already been here? - Well, that's true but they weren't really looking for anything.
This wasn't a criminal investigation.
What is it? Something? Something intended for Dwight Ellison.
- An exercise tape.
- Did you bring those baggies? Oh, this is real evidence, isn't it? Oh, goodness.
I feel like a - What's the matter? Are you okay? - I just swallowed a bug.
- You, you what? - I'm okay.
- - Oh, god.
What is it? It's Val birch.
He was here.
Kevin? - It's okay.
I spit that one out.
Oh, god.
Just, let's get out of here, and just, for god's sake, cover your mouth.
- Okay.
It's just a videotape.
"Thighs and abs: 10 minutes a day to a perfect you.
" Does that mean anything to you? Yeah, me neither.
We're at Val birch's house now.
I want to have another word with him.
No, I'll be fine.
Thanks.
I appreciate that, Dwight.
I don't think he's home.
Hello, Mr.
Birch? Hello, it's Adrian monk.
We spoke yesterday at the show.
Mr.
Birch? I'm here, too.
Kevin dorfman.
I'm his upstairs neighbor.
It looks unlocked? What do you think? Well, we can't go in without a reason.
- I'm kind of thirsty.
Does that count? - No, Kevin.
Thirst is no excuse for breaking and entering.
- Wouldn't it be cool if it was? - Yes, that would be cool.
Here.
Let me what are you doing? What are you doing? I'm leaning in.
Yeah, I went to law school for three semesters.
You can lean anywhere you want.
It's in the constitution.
I can't imagine which constitution you're referring to.
You know what? Grab my pants.
Pardon me? - Grab my pants.
I need the counterweight.
Kevin, I really don't want to grab your pants.
If I touch that floor, it's a felony.
Mr.
Birch? Hello? Mr.
Birch?.
Hello? Kevin, you see that pencil on the chair? Can you reach that? - You got it? - I got it.
Pull me.
Yes, I got it.
Do you still have the pencil that Roddy Lankman gave you yesterday? - The collectible.
- The collectible.
- Kevin, do you have the pencil? - I have the pencil.
He was here.
Roddy Lankman was here but why? Maybe they were trying to figure out how to cheat.
Let's go.
Hi, this is your old pal Val.
Leave your message when you hear the beep.
He's checking his messages.
You have one saved message.
May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
He's skipping that one.
You have one new message.
Today, 10:15 A.
M.
Mr.
Birch, this is Tony Forrest at Southland mercedes.
I have some good news for you.
The new 640 you ordered will be in tomorrow.
I got it here in three weeks just like I promised.
Let me know when you want to pick it up.
He ordered a new Mercedes-Benz four weeks ago.
Before he went on the show.
That's what I call confidence.
He knew he was going to win.
If we can figure out how they're cheating, we can nail them both.
- I have to get closer.
- Closer? Yesterday we were in the front row.
You can't get much closer than that.
Please welcome to the show, Adrian monk.
Welcome to the show, Adrian.
Mr.
E.
, You are not going to regret this.
Is there anybody you'd like to say hello to? - Yes.
Okay, who would that be? - Sharona.
She's in New Jersey visiting her mother.
Oh, that's very nice.
How long have you and Sharona been married? No, no, no.
Uh, Sharona is my nurse.
I was married, but my wife Trudy was killed by a car bomb.
Did he just say "car bomb"? Which is why I have devoted my life to putting criminals behind bars, even famous, powerful men who think they're above the law.
Uh, I'm sure you do a great job, too.
- All right, who wants to - Dig for treasure? All right, Tanya, let's get this game started.
We're going to start out with a $1,000 question.
Where Adrian.
I'm sorry.
Um, there was a smudge on my buzzer thing.
Well, I'm sorry, but according to our rule book, you'll have to answer the question.
Could you repeat the question, please? Yes, but unfortunately, only the part that you've already heard, so where? Where? Where? Once more, please.
- Where? - Where you have 10 seconds.
Constantinople.
Well, we're a multiple choice show, so all we need is A, B, C, or D.
- D.
- D? - No, B.
- B.
B.
B.
Definitely B.
- B, and that's your final answer.
- A.
Uh, well, the correct answer is C, Macy's.
Moving on, let's go to our $1,500 question.
Oh, for the love of god.
I'm sorry.
It's still a little grimy here.
Time is money for some of us.
Okay, I'll try.
All right, moving onto the $1,500 question Okay.
I'm done.
That's it.
- What element do you add to iron to make steel? Is it A, aluminum, B, carbon, - C, lead, or - B, carbon.
Carbon is correct for $1,500.
They're still cheating.
But why would they do that with Adrian out there? They have no choice.
- If Val loses today, he can't come back.
- What Greek city hosted - the original olympics? - That's a good point.
Was it A, Athens, B, Rhodes, - C, Olympia - C, Olympia.
Correct again for $1,500.
He figured it out.
He knows how they're cheating.
One minute.
We are back in one.
- So you figured it out? - Yes, sir.
I know how they're cheating.
Was I right about the blinking? - No.
- Was I close? - No.
But it is a code.
Lankman is holding the question cards differently every time.
If he holds it by this corner, it means the answer is A.
This corner means B, and this one's for C.
What do we do now? I guess we call the police.
Hi, it's me.
It's 7:15.
Call me when you get home.
I love you.
Dwight Dwight! When did Lizzie Talvo die? - What was the date? - May 2nd.
May 2nd.
About what time? - Evening, while the show was on.
- Around 7:39 P.
M.
? - That sounds about right.
- Don't call the police.
Not yet.
These men are guilty of more than just cheating, and I think I can prove it.
- You're going to prove it now? - If I don't do it now, they might destroy the evidence.
- 15 seconds! Places! - I got to go.
I got to go.
Listen, isn't there a way to make a phone call during the show? Well, you can phone a friend, but only if you make it to the bonus round.
Oh, you're so far behind.
You'll never make it.
Five seconds! Welcome back to "Treasure chest.
" My name is Roddy Lankman, and our reigning champ Val birch is in the lead again with $3,000.
In second place, Susan with zero, and, Adrian, you're at negative $1,000.
Well, Roddy, I think my luck is about to change.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Let's do round two and dig for treasure.
For $4,000, the bone that connects your knee to your ankle is - the A, fibula, B, tibia - B, tibia.
That is correct.
Next question.
How many square yards in an acre? Is C.
Uh, C is correct.
It's 4,840 square yards.
Lucky guess.
A lucky guess indeed.
For $5,000 - D.
- D is correct.
Another lucky guess.
For $5,500, president Mckinley was assassinated - D.
/- B.
- D.
The answer is D, Roddy.
D is correct, yes.
Next question - who - B, B, B, B, B.
B is correct.
It's Jackson Browne.
- Susan, are you okay? - I, I just it looked so much easier when I was watching at home.
Yes, it always looks easier at home.
- For $6,000 - C! - No, C is not right.
- A.
A is correct.
The wombat.
And for the last question, for $6,000, - what element - D.
D is correct, and that's the end of round two.
A couple of very intelligent gentlemen here.
Uh, that means Adrian monk is the winner of round two.
Val birch, you're going to have to sit this one out this time.
Adrian, you understand what happens in round two.
You answer these five questions correctly, and you not only win this game, but you win this great big pot of gold! You know how we play our game.
You have five questions.
Let's see how you do.
Adrian, who was the first president to win the nobel peace prize? Roddy, I understand I can phone a friend.
You want to phone a friend on the first question.
Well, you're the boss.
Tanya, let's bring him the phone.
For those joining us for the first time, Adrian is going to call a friend to see if he can get a little help on this very important bonus round question.
All right, who would you like to call? Well, Roddy, I would like to call - him.
- Me? You want to call me? I don't think I'm at home.
Well, Mr.
Monk, what are you doing? Do you know what he's doing? Because I don't know what he's doing.
I'm trying to prove that you are guilty of murder, Mr.
Lankman, or at the very least, manslaughter.
Lizzie Talvo, your personal assistant, discovered that you were cheating on the show.
- Uh can we go to a commercial? - You do and you're fired.
She died about a month ago in a car crash, and this man has been blackmailing you ever since, and you have been paying him off here on your show by feeding him the answers.
I knew it.
Do over.
Mr.
Birch, you were in Bluestone valley the night she died.
You must have seen the crash.
She was still alive when you got to the car.
She had to have said something to you before she died something about Mr.
Lankman.
You must have realized you just hit the jackpot.
You called your own answering machine and recorded her dying words.
You can't prove any of this.
I was at your house yesterday, and I happened to hear the date and time stamp of a phone message that you had saved May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
I think I can prove it, sir.
What's your number? Adrian, it's 555-0137.
Thank you, Dwight.
Hi, this is your old pal Val.
Leave your message when you hear the beep.
You have one saved message.
May 2nd, 7:39 P.
M.
It was Roddy.
It was Roddy Lankman.
He was cheating on the show.
I was going to blow the whistle.
He cut my brakes.
Roddy.
Mr.
Lankman, Mr.
Birch, some homicide detectives are outside.
They want to talk to you.
Adrian.
You were amazing.
Just like Trudy always said.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for Trudy.
Monday.
Dear diary, it is a terrible day.
Ginger died this morning.
I was too sad to go to school or even eat.
I cried all day.
I will never be happy again.
Friday.
Tomorrow I'm going to camp.
I have been packing all day.
It's going to be so much fun.
I can't wait.
I still think about Ginger sometimes, but now I just remember the good times.
I guess daddy was right.
God wants people to be happy.
Nobody can stay sad forever.