Never Have I Ever (2020) s03e08 Episode Script

1
["Passion" by RAC & Louis The Child
playing]
[McEnroe] After several weeks of dating,
things between our two young lovebirds
were seriously heating up
to about room temperature.
'Cause that's as hot as things can get
with two Indian moms
constantly hovering nearby.
But even though there was very little
action happening between these two,
Devi was feeling happier
in this new relationship
than she had in a long time.
[Rhyah] Hey, Devi!
Hey.
It's nothing without you ♪
Just pieces of the universe ♪
[McEnroe] I mean, look at them.
No one can deny
there's some great chemistry here.
Too bad it'll now be channeled
into an hour's worth of footsie.
All we need is ♪
Passion ♪
Let the world wash over me ♪
Ugh. You guys, Des and I need to hook up.
Because of our moms,
all we can do is just panic French
when they're not looking.
I'm getting like blue oves.
- Oh.
- Sorry. That sounds painful.
It's not like I need
to have full-on sex yet,
but I do want to get horizontal, you know?
Totally.
Ugh. It's just so annoying
because otherwise,
Des and I are really great.
This might be my best relationship ever.
Okay, which I know
is an incredibly low bar,
but I just feel really happy.
Well, it just sounds like
you need your mom out of the house
so you can have some alone time.
Nah, if she found out I had a boy over,
my ass would be Rapunzeled.
Well, what if you threw a game night
with your friends and Des's friends.
While we're in a deep game of charades,
you can steal Des
up to your room and get horizonts.
Okay, okay. I'm loving this idea,
but how do we get my mom to leave?
I mean, she hates most people,
and she just bought a 1,000-piece puzzle.
Would any of you girls want tickets
to Shen Yun?
The Chinese dance show that buys
all the ad space in our school paper?
Yeah. It's a rich celebration
of color and sound.
I was gonna surprise
my book club with them,
but they kicked me out for asking
to read Outlander a third time.
Uh, actually, yeah.
I'd be happy to take those tickets off
of your hands, Mrs. Paloma.
Wonderful. The seats are partial view
in the rear of the second mezzanine.
Enjoy.
[McEnroe] And with those tickets
came Devi's ticket
to some alone time with Des.
Weird.
Says the boy who had to go to the hospital
to have his shit removed. [clicks tongue]
Good morning, gorgeous beings.
I spent the weekend in Ojai
communing with your work,
and it was powerful and sensual and
knocked me flat on my ass.
So, with that being said,
here are your pear drawings back.
Margot, it's violent. It's chaotic.
Brava. A-plus.
Trent, your pear made me
question everything. A-plus-plus.
Thank you, Ms. Nuni.
I, like, became a pear to make this.
I know you did.
And yours was bad. D-minus.
[Ben] What? What?
Did you not understand the assignment?
Yeah, you said to draw a pear and I did.
It It looks exactly like Margot's.
First of all, I never said draw a pear.
I said capture a pear.
I don't see the pear's journey here.
I don't see its needs.
Its needs?
[scoffs] Ms. Nuni, it needs an A-plus.
Well, if you want a higher score,
you're gonna have to go deeper, Ben.
And you can try the assignment again.
I just insist that Margot tutor you.
Tutor me? No, I-I'm not a tutee.
I'm the one who does the tutoring.
Mmm. Don't worry. I'll be gentle.
All right, so what do you think?
Who's ready to get
the Shen Yunned out of them?
I'm confused.
Your teacher just gave you these?
- [Devi] Mm-hmm.
- Did they ask for something in return?
No. No, no, no, no. It was Mrs. Paloma.
Don't worry.
There's nothing molesty happening here.
Wow, Shen Yun. I've always wanted to see
that show, but not enough to get tickets.
Didn't your sad teacher
have anything better,
like tickets to Mean Girls, the musical?
I'm a Regina.
Devi, these tickets are for Friday.
Rhyah and Des are supposed
to come over for dinner that night.
Rhyah can go too.
TripAdvisor describes it
as "magical and a feast for the senses
and several hours long."
Oh, and what will you be doing
while we're at the show?
I was thinking of hosting
a game night for a few friends,
like, Eleanor, Fabiola, and maybe Des
if he wanted to show up.
[McEnroe] Nalini wasn't stupid.
She knew Devi had a crush on Des,
but also she was stupid because she had
no idea the crush was reciprocal
and about to get physical.
I will allow this game night to happen,
and I will allow myself to be swept up
in the exciting world of gymnastic dance.
Yo, game night's gonna be kinda huge
and not just for sexy reasons.
Tonight's also gonna be the first time
I'm hanging out
with Des's private school friends.
I bought Monopoly Millionaire
to make them feel at home.
- Mmm, right. 'Cause they're fancy.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, should Eleanor and I
try to class it up a bit?
I have a t-shirt
that says, "Paris and Eleanor
can do a pretty good Jackie O impression."
No, just be normal.
Hi. Sorry, babe,
I took your phone at lunch.
Thought it was my graphing calculator.
Your new case is stupid huge.
I know. Isn't it cool?
This has enough battery power
to jump-start a car.
Okay, my nerdy girlfriend.
I'll see you later.
[school bell ringing]
Aw. You guys are so cute.
How are things going?
- [in high-pitched voice] Um, good.
- Why'd your voice go up an octave?
[sighing] I don't know.
We just haven't been able to recapture
the passion of our first kiss.
At first, I thought it was
new relationship jitters,
but it's been weeks now.
Well, maybe you just need
to take her back to the bathroom
where your first kiss happened.
I heard it. That was a gross idea.
Maybe I'm just putting
too much pressure on us.
Like, we can be in a good relationship
and not be like trying to rip each other's
clothes off all the time, right?
Ooh! The edible bra I bought
for tonight got delivered.
- [sighs]
- Sorry, Fab.
[dog barking in distance]
All right. My room is ready for action.
It looks like a low-key brothel.
I'm talking scented candles,
silk pillowcases,
a scarf draped over my lamp.
It's so dimly lit, I ran into a door.
- Oh, that is hot.
- [Aneesa and Fabiola laugh]
Well, I don't think Devi's the only person
who's gonna have a spicy evening
'cause I brought Brain Cranker.
Oh, Fab, that game takes,
like, four hours,
and the instructions are so complicated.
What if we played, like, spin the bottle?
Well, well, there's also a spinner
in Brain Cranker,
and it tells you whether you have
to act out a historical event
or do long division.
- [knocking on door]
- [door opens]
Hello?
Hey. [chuckles]
[groovy music playing]
[box clatters]
Cool. I love Brain Cranker.
Hi, I'm Addison.
I Flabby.
Fabiola.
Hey. And you guys remember Parker
from the debate tournament.
Of course.
Hi, everybody.
Who's ready to get their game on?
Wait, this is an actual game night?
I thought that was just
what you're telling your parents.
Oh. Um, no.
But it is like an edgy game night.
Like, you can put swear words down
in Scrabble if you want.
- They're in the Scrabble dictionary.
- Shut up, Fabiola.
Whatever. As long as there's booze.
Yep. Coming right up. One moment, please.
Crap. I was so focused on getting candles
and stuff for my sexy bedroom,
I forgot all about alcohol.
Did you guys happen to bring anything?
I have a travel size mouthwash in my bag.
- I'll text Trent.
- Mmm.
Hi, liquor is en route,
but while we're waiting,
there is an old three-liter
of Mountain Dew in back of the fridge.
The bubbles are gone, but the sugar
and caffeine could really mess you up.
Does your mom at least have any pills?
Uh I know for sure she has a huge box
of Imodium from Costco. [chuckles]
Guys, don't worry. I have something
way more exciting than booze.
Then, if you pick a Mr. Whistler card,
one person whistles
while the other team
has to sculpt a clue out of clay.
Ugh! When you said
you had something more fun than booze,
I thought you meant whippets.
Uh, Eleanor,
the booze should be on its way, right?
Yes, it should be,
but in a fun little twist,
Trent's ID was confiscated
at the liquor store.
Okay. Mattie's having
a party in the Hills.
Can we please just go to that?
You know I can't be sober
with my feelings right now.
No, no, no, no. Don't leave.
I'm so sorry, but Parker's parents
are getting divorced,
and he's staying with me tonight,
and I think I just have to do
what he wants.
But I wanted us to have some alone time.
Well, yeah, I obviously want that too,
but I'm kind of in a bind here.
[Parker] Dude, let's go.
I'm so sorry, Devi.
[softly] Okay. Bye.
[McEnroe] Devi was 0 for 2.
She hadn't gotten closer
to either Des's friends or Des's body,
and now she would be forced
to endure a sober game of Brain Cranker.
- Hey.
- Paxton?
- [Paxton] What's up, everyone?
- And Trent.
Paxton came to my rescue.
The liquor store wouldn't take my ID
even though it's my Aunt Judy's license,
and she and I look exactly alike.
- [bottles clinking]
- Boom.
Yes, Malibu.
This stuff always makes me puke.
Paxton, you're my hero.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.
All right, art tutor. I'm here.
Tutor away.
Show me how to draw better or whatever.
Wow. Sounds like
you've come with an open mind
and are ready to respect what I do.
Come on, you have to admit
this is bullshit, right?
Like I could just write Banksy on this
and sell it for a million bucks.
Well, then, you'd be arrested for fraud,
and no, I don't think art is bullshit.
I'd actually like to be an artist someday,
so your attitude is pretty insulting,
and now I'm going to leave.
No. Margot, I'm sorry.
I really don't know how to do this.
Okay? I need help.
Oh, like you mean you need tutoring?
Ugh, fine. Yes. I need tutoring.
I suck at drawing.
First of all, you don't suck at drawing.
Your drawing sucks because you don't care.
What am I supposed to care about?
It's a pear. It's meaningless.
It's only meaningless
if you don't give it any meaning.
- You need to express yourself through it.
- How? I have nothing in common with it.
And I will kill you
if you say my body type.
Just chill out and look at the pear
and try and find
some sort of emotional connection.
- [Margot] What do you feel?
- Hungry.
[kicks bench]
All right. I I don't know.
I guess it looks a little sad and bruised.
Good start. What else?
Kind of lonely and exposed.
You know, like everyone's staring
at him and judging him.
Okay. Hold on to that feeling.
Now draw.
[Des laughs] I love when she does that.
Not gonna lie,
Brain Cranker friggin' ruled.
See. Told ya.
So, what should we play next? Celebrity?
- Ooh, yeah.
- Yes, everyone, write down some names,
and please don't make them
Vaudeville actors from the 1800s
that no one's ever heard of.
Hey, how do you spell Ratajkowski?
I don't think Phoebe would appreciate that
that's the first person you thought of.
Actually, Phoebe loves Emrata.
She has her pregnancy photo
up in her locker
[scoffs]
but also, we broke up.
Oh, you did?
I didn't know. I'm sorry.
Yeah. A couple of weeks ago.
It was for the best.
She was nice, but I just think I need
someone who challenges me, you know?
Well, I finished my names.
Is there like a bowl or a hat
or something I could put them in.
- Maybe, Paxton, you can go get one?
- No, it's okay. I'll go grab one.
And I'll grab more drinks.
Trent, babe, you want
another whiskey and Fruit Loops?
Yes, please. It's kind of like boba.
Hey, your party's gorgina.
Everyone's having a blast.
You want to steal Des away
for a sensuous embrace? Now's the time.
You're right. We should get up there.
I want enough time with him
before my mom gets home,
and also, I should check on
all those burning candles
I left unattended.
May I just say, you really are different
in this relationship?
You're like much more at ease
and confident.
I know. I think it's because Des
goes to a different school.
Like, he doesn't know
Sherman Oaks dork Devi.
He only knows after-hours, cool Devi
who's fun and definitely wasn't listed
with the teachers in the yearbook.
For the record,
- I also think Sherman Oaks Devi is fun.
- Thanks, El.
Now, go explore each other's bodies,
and tell me everything after.
Ew, but also sure.
[both laugh]
I'll be right there. Trent likes me
to pick out the green Fruit Loops.
Okay.
Ah! Okay. This one's easy.
He's the host of the National Geographic
docuseries, Welcome to Earth,
- about our planet's diverse ecosystem.
- Will Smith.
Yes.
Babe, why didn't you say Fresh Prince
or Jaden and Willow's dad?
Oh, those would've been good.
[chuckling]
Hey, do you want to go upstairs?
- Uh, yes.
- [both chuckle]
[clattering]
Wait, where did Parker go?
No, I'm staying with Des tonight
'cause I don't want
to see you or Mom right now.
- What do you care if I'm drunk?
- [clattering]
[McEnroe]
Turned out the racket they'd heard
was from an actual racket that happened
to be very important to Devi.
Look at this, kanna.
Daddy bought a piece
of tennis history on eBay.
John McEnroe was the last player
to ever win Wimbledon
with a wooden racket.
And that was his racket that won?
No, this was a backup racket in his bag,
but still, it was his.
It is now my most prized possession.
Even more than your PlayStation
I can't tell Mommy about?
Yes. Also, maybe
don't tell Mommy about this.
- It wasn't cheap.
- [both chuckling]
Parker, can I please just
When I asked to leave Archery Club,
you said this isn't a family of quitters.
- So why do you just get to quit on Mom?
- Ow!
- Easy, Parker. Devi, you okay?
- [Devi] Give me the racket, bro.
You can't just go messing with
other people's stuff. This is important.
Then why is it just sitting
in a pile of junk?
- [knocking on door]
- [sobbing]
[Paxton] Hey.
You okay?
I saw you run up the stairs.
Hey, yeah, I-I'm fine.
Uh, Parker was just drunk
and was hitting things in the garage
with my dad's old racket,
and I flipped out. [chuckles]
[Paxton] I'm sorry.
That kid seemed like a tool.
So are you, like,
about to do a séance in here,
or are these candles
for the new boyfriend?
I was trying to be romantic or whatever.
Hold up.
How come you never did this for me?
I love a lamp scarf.
[laughs] I don't know.
I'd be worried you'd think I was lame.
Nah, this is this is cool.
The candles are,
like, sexy, but also relaxing.
[both chuckle]
Do you want to come downstairs?
We're starting trivia,
and I'd love someone
who's not Trent to be on my team.
Sure.
[Paxton laughs]
Wait, hold up.
What? Is my nose ring bleeding again?
Ugh! It will not heal.
No, you just
[exhales sharply]
[Des] Hi.
Parker just wanted to apologize.
[Parker] I'm sorry I was hitting stuff
with your racket.
That was inconsiderate of me.
I should've been more respectful
of your old trash.
Thank you.
Listen, I think we're just gonna head out.
So, uh, see you.
Hmm. Two truths and a lie.
I own a pet goat, I hate peas,
and my godfather is Bill Nye.
The Science Guy?
Addison, don't play.
If your godfather is really Bill Nye,
you are required to tell me right now.
No, I wish, but sadly that is the lie.
So, you own a goat?
Yeah, but he acts more like a dog.
[both laugh]
Addison, we're heading out.
- Well, I really liked meeting you both.
- I really liked us both meeting you too.
[chuckles]
[door opens, closes]
[Fabiola] So, what should we do? Dominos?
I want you to kiss me.
Huh?
Hit me with the best kiss you got.
- Right now?
- Yep.
["Boxes" by GRAE playing]
- Fab, you think we're just friends?
- What?
No. What do you mean?
Our first kiss was so spontaneous
and surprising that it felt exciting.
But ever since we started dating,
it's kind of been whomp, whomp. [sighs]
- And then I saw you with Addison
- No, nothing is going on there.
The way you're blushing so hard right now
makes me think there should be.
[sighs]
You're the best person I know,
so I I really, really wanted us to fit.
You are the best person I know.
That's why I wanted to be your girlf too.
But honestly,
I got to take a break from you bookworms.
I think I just need
to find a nice, hot jock.
[chuckles]
So can we please
keep being actual friends?
Of course, we'll stay friends.
You're my girl, Fab.
In a platonic way.
regret it, no ♪
Nostalgia knows me so well ♪
But I'm not that kid anymore ♪
Yeah, I'm not that kid, no ♪
[Devi] Are you okay? You left so quickly.
[sighs]
- [door opens]
- [Nalini speaking indistinctly]
It was amazing. Hello.
- Hi. How was Shen Yun?
- [Nalini] Very interesting.
I can safely say
it was the most acrobatic display
of anti-communist propaganda
I've ever seen.
It was quite surprising to see 100 women
doing back handsprings
across Karl Marx's grave.
- [women laugh]
- Don't worry, kanna,
I saved you three Junior Mints.
Thanks, Pati.
I'm glad you guys had a nice time.
How about you? Did you win game night?
No, I was actually one of the losers.
What did you lose? Boggle?
It's too many letters. Who has the time?
Thank you again, Ms. Nuni,
for being generous enough
to give me a redo.
I hope I did a little better this time.
Let's take a look.
What an evolution.
Do you see how alive this pear is
compared to the other one?
I actually do.
Powerful work, young man.
Thank you, Ms. Nuni.
- Hey, don't you wanna know your grade?
- Oh yeah. Yes, of course.
A-plus.
Did you almost forget
to ask about your grade? Wow!
- What did one night of drawing do to you?
- Yeah. I don't know. That was a first.
You know, I do feel more relaxed today
after our tutoring sesh.
- Art's sort of therapeutic, huh?
- Yeah. It can be.
Especially if you're
kind of a repressed douche.
Rude, and I'm not repressed anymore.
Okay? That pear changed me.
I'm, like, artsy and emotional now.
Oh, well, buckle up
because today we're drawing a spatula,
so you might want
to get your tissues ready.
Yeah, 'cause spatulas are sad as shit.
Devi, why'd you go quiet?
Are you upset again that I won't leak
the names of my celebrity clients?
I took an oath.
I know. I saw Kiernan Shipka
leave your office last week,
but no, it's not that.
Okay. You said your boyfriend left
after seeing you with Paxton.
Are you worried
he misunderstood what he saw?
Yeah. I am.
But I think I can fix that.
My dad had this old tennis racket,
and it was his favorite thing
[inhales deeply]
and I didn't remember it existed
until a kid was messing around
with it yesterday.
Let's unpack that.
How did it make you feel
when you saw it again?
I don't know. Bad.
Like, I let myself get
so caught up having fun with Des,
I forgot to be the sad girl
who lost her dad,
and I didn't even notice his stuff
got tossed onto an old junk box.
Devi, what I'm hearing is
that you've been happier lately
and experiencing
less frequent waves of grief.
That means you're healing
and getting to be a kid again.
And that doesn't mean
you love your dad any less.
It still feels messed up.
Like, somehow I'm dissing him.
Well, it sounds like that racket
was pretty special to the both of you.
Maybe you could find some way to honor it.
When my Siamese passed, look,
I took her collar
and had it dipped in gold
so that I can wear it as a little bangle.
Devi, did I lose you again?
No, I'm just so shocked
to learn that you're a cat person.
Like, wow!
This changes everything.
Did you shop or adopt?
No, you're not gonna tell me.
I do feel better though, Doc. Thank you.
You're welcome.
[McEnroe] Devi realized her dad's treasure
didn't have to stay lost,
and while she can't dip it in gold
like some bougie cat collar,
she could hang it where she'd be able
to honor it every day.
[Devi gasps]
[McEnroe] Yeah, no one thought a thumbtack
was the right way to hang that.
[knocking on door]
Oh, Devi, what are you doing here?
[gasps] Did your mom change her mind
about taking the probiotics?
Thank God. She's not regular enough.
I don't know about any of that.
- I actually needed to talk to Des.
- Oh.
Um, he accidentally took
my protractor home after our study sesh.
Okay. Uh, Des, Devi's here to see you.
- Hey.
- [Rhyah] I'm gonna head to the store.
[upbeat music playing]
I know it looked like you walked in
on me and Paxton doing something sus,
but I swear we're just friends.
He was cradling your face.
Friends don't cradle.
He wasn't cradling my face.
He was wiping the snot off my face,
which friends can do,
but I promise you can trust me.
No, I know. I was just feeling
kind of insecure the other night.
Why?
[chuckles]
Because your ex is obviously
this handsome dude,
and you're this super cool,
beautiful girl.
[snorts]
- I'm sorry.
- What? What did I say?
Nothing. It's just no one has
ever described me that way, like ever.
How do people usually describe you?
Des, I have to tell you something.
[inhales deeply]
I'm, like, a loser.
Like, I am very unpopular at my school,
so you have nothing to worry about.
I'm surprised me being on debate
didn't give that away. [chuckles]
Well, the debate team
is the cool clique at my school.
- [Devi] Hmm.
- We bully the jocks.
I did notice that you guys
had uncharacteristically attractive people
on your debate team.
But anyway, you're with a dork.
No, I'm not.
But I stand by my initial analysis.
- You're amazing.
- [sighs]
["Slow Love" by TENDER playing]
And you're hot.
Well
Thank you. I also think you're hot.
Thank you.
["Slow Love" continues playing]
That your mind's on hold
And your heart's behind the wheel ♪
I'm so caught up with you ♪
Slow love, in solitude ♪
Don't eat and we drink too much ♪
Four walls and that one room love ♪
Des, honey,
do you know where my credit card
[McEnroe] No need
to hang this moment on the wall
because it will be seared
into Devi's memory forever.
Don't talk and we keep the door shut ♪
I'm so caught up with you ♪
Slow love, in solitude ♪
Don't eat and we drink too much ♪
Four walls and that one room love ♪
We'll drift away again, you give me ♪
Something to numb the pain, we ♪
Don't talk and we keep the door shut ♪
We're together just a little too much ♪
We're together just a little too much ♪