Offspring (2010) s03e08 Episode Script

You're Nina's father.
No.
You're Nina's father.
- Um - Yeah Hey, Mick.
You realise there's no money in this, it's just I don't want any money - you can just buy me a drink.
Huh, maybe four.
Well, you'd better stock up on free drinks before the baby arrives, huh, Jimmy? One of us has got to move on.
I know it's challenging Challenging?! .
.
for us at the moment Nina, it's gutting me.
I miss you like sleep.
You need to go out, get smashed - somewhere where they play bad pop.
I'm free tomorrow night.
Me too.
This this could get bad.
Yeah Wish I'd brought a camera.
Light? Water.
Water! Shit! Where am I? Shit! OK, keep it together.
Clothes.
Clothes? Purse, phone? Water! OK, don't jump to conclusions.
Yes, there's nudity here and manny-man things and, yes, the cool explanation might be a night of wild sexing, but you're not cool.
You're never cool, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
Hello? Hello? "Come down when you're ready - A.
" A? Adrian? Aaron? Anthony? Augustus? Arthur? Good morning.
Sorry.
Sorry! It's an important clarification.
What? Oh! How's your head? Which? What? No.
What? Do you remember me? I seem to be experiencing a small problem with recollecting things.
Well, you were a little drunk last night.
Do you have hot chips? Or a souvlaki? Souvlaki? Oh, tell me you've got a souvlaki with garlic sauce.
S souvlaki? It's starting to come back, huh? Why don't you get dressed and meet me downstairs? I'll make you some coffee.
Just throw on some of my clothes.
Hmm.
What happened to my clothes? What's the protocol for this? Borrowing garments from a seemingly generous stranger who you may, or may not, have shared some level of intimacy with? Pikers.
Bo-oring! Love you! Bye.
Whoo-hoo! Oh, yes, yes.
No, no, no.
Oh! Lilly.
There you go, Davos.
Sorry, I'll just ask a question.
Do you have hot chips? Or a souvlaki? Oh, tell me you've got a souvlaki with garlic sauce.
This is not a souvlaki van.
Sorry.
You can have some soup.
But you're gonna have to wait your turn.
Oh, wait my turn! No.
Oh No souvlaki? Homeless people, a van.
Yeah, well done.
Yes, still still not sure how that became Oh, we didn't sleep with each other, if that's what you're Oh, thank God! Oh, yes, I knew it.
Thank God! No, I mean, that would have been that would have been lovely.
Oh, that would have been a very nice thing to do.
I'm gonna get you some breakfast.
Oh! From where? What tribe? It's just tribal, you know.
OK, the father ties a cord around their junk while the mother's in labour.
The mother yanks the cord so the father can feel the pain of childbirth.
And you're making one for Zara? Can you tell me if this is comfortable to hold? Hello.
Ah, hi, Geraldine.
It's um it's Patrick.
Hello, Patrick.
Is Nina at your place? Why? I was supposed to meet her at her place and she's not here.
Well, as far as I know she's not.
Nina! Nina! Ni Oh, for God's sake, Jimmy! Test it in private.
No, she's not here, Patrick.
I'm sure she's fine.
Mmm Thank you.
Thank you! Bit hungry? Feel like I haven't eaten for a year.
Well, I can tell you that you did indulge in some $175 pumpkin soup about eight hours ago.
Come on, come on I can't.
It's charity soup.
Just take it.
Take it as a donation.
Ah, it's great work.
Wonderful.
Hurrah, I salute you! Do you need a tax receipt? No, thank you.
You sure you're alright? Yes.
Hey, hold on a sec.
No, it's OK.
It's here.
I'm sure it's in here.
Oh, dear Thank you! You sure? Yep.
Yes, I'm sure it's here.
Look, oh, it's here.
I've got it! Got it.
Thanks very much.
Goodnight.
Oh! Fuck Fuckin' hell! Fuckin' key.
I can see you.
Oh, well I didn't want to bother you.
I can't find my key.
I'm just gonna go and stay at my mum's place.
Ooh! Ooh! Oh, fuck.
Oh, I can just stay at my mother's.
Nina, just crash here.
It's fine, honestly.
I've even got a spare toothbrush in the Whoa, Adam Yeah? Aha! I don't want you to take this the wrong way.
I think you're an attractive man and you're obviously a good citizen.
Yeah, Nina I've got no problem with one-night stands.
Oh, I mean I've only I've had two Well, it depends on your definition but I Well, I've had two and a half Nina, really, I just It would not be good, Adam.
I I just on out-of-10 level, I don't want to go into too much detail but when I drink I get a little bit dehydrated and it's not it's not good.
OK, Nina, really, really, really, when I say 'crash' I really just mean sleep.
Oh But it seemed, in fact, you really wanted to have a little chat.
Oh, I see.
My dad is not my dad but then you think, "Well, he's still my dad but not.
" I just need a little sip.
Oh! That may need a little bit of a dry-clean.
Mmm.
Yes! Apologies again and thanks again for everything.
No, no, no.
Thank you, Nina.
For a uh memorable night.
Ohh I will return these clothes cleaned - dry-cleaned.
That's OK.
Adam, I just so you know I I I'm not normally like this.
Normally I'm normal I It's fine, Nina, honestly.
I backpacked for my whole 20s.
The amount of times I ended up well, lost and disoriented I there was always someone there to help me.
This is karmic payback.
Oh! Hold me tight Don't let go You better hold me tight Don't let go Four natal obs done And eight needs to go to the I'll do them both, shall I? I wanna, I wanna love you right Hey.
Do any of you know where Nina is? I shall answer for everyone.
Nobody knows.
Nina had a big night last night.
Sadly, there are no pictures.
Well, she's not at home, she's not at her mother's, I can't get her on the phone.
We dropped her off and we saw her go inside.
She's not there now.
What? Have you thought maybe she's not answering 'cause? 'Cause what? 'Cause it's me? Are you OK? Where the hell are you? Oh, er actually, this is not Nina.
Who is this? Uh, I'm Adam.
Adam? Yeah, I'm a friend of Nina's, I guess.
I've never heard of you.
Look, I'm not really actually a friend of hers.
She slept the night at my house last night so I think she must have left her phone here.
I'd love to get it back to her somehow.
Do you, er? Cherie, ring Geraldine, please.
Tell her Nina's fine.
Phone, phone Keys.
Spare key! There is one spare key that resides with Patrick.
Hey, listen, mate, I really just wanna get this phone back to her Uh, sorry, no, um my name's Cherie.
Um, I'm Nina's friend.
Yeah, right.
And a colleague too, and a family member, I guess - quasi-family.
Right on.
Is she with you? Uh, no, I was trying to explain.
She already left but, uh she must have left her phone behind so I'm just going to go and drop it in her mailbox.
OK.
Uh, Nina was out with me last night till late and I dropped her home so I don't understand Yeah, I know.
Listen, it got very convoluted.
If I try and explain it to you it's going to sound completely ridiculous.
OK I mean, I don't have her down a well or anything, I promise.
But you can't put her on? Uh, no, 'cause she's not with me.
Sorry, listen, we stayed up all night and we chatted all night.
Um, she's just been through her worst break-up ever.
She has a brother who's got a Peter Pan complex, and she can't get her work-life balance right because her co-workers keep getting impregnated by her family members.
Just the two! Are you going to be seeing her later today? Because I could just bring this phone straight to you.
I'm sorry.
Who are you again? It's not like you're just selling bricks, tiles, gazebos Yep.
It's more like you're selling the idea of a home and a whole new life Whoa, hang on, hang on.
Mikhail, I am currently channelling your wife.
What? I'm helping Dad, being Billie for a day.
Do you want to hear my impersonation? Not really.
Write a song, lick an apricot, piano fingers, piano fingers You know about piano fingers? Yeah, I wish I didn't.
Look, can you upload that clip you showed yesterday? Not right now, no.
Why not? Because I'm being Billie.
You know the gig's tonight, right? Yeah, yeah, I'll do it later.
Chill out.
Well, there's not much point uploading a promo clip five minutes before the event.
Mick, Mick, there is only so much I can do in one day to keep you financially afloat.
Wow, I wasn't even trying then.
Can you please just upload it? You know, Jimmy, this doesn't have to be just a one-day fill-in for Billie kind of thing.
I went into real estate when your mother got pregnant.
It's just, there comes a time when a man needs to know where the next cheque's coming from.
People don't really use cheques anymore, Dad.
Yeah, yeah, I know that.
No The thing is It's more like online transfers.
The point I'm trying to illustrate I suppose you would use one for big things, like campervans or jet skis Jimmy! THIS could be a real option for you.
Hmm? You mean Proudman, Proudman and Proudman? No.
Right, good.
Here you go.
Oh, uh, just get their full names and remember to keep your fly done up.
OK, straight through to the staffroom, head down, quick change of clothes.
No-one has to see anything.
Iast time so she's getting pretty nervous about Hello.
Hey, what? Hi, hello.
So, I was trying to call you.
Several times.
I was worried.
Oh, sorry, I just my phone was out of order.
Really? Mmm.
I didn't think you were in today.
Oh, no, I'm not rostered on, I just came in to get some clothes and see if I could borrow your house key uh to my house 'cause I've locked myself out.
Oh, you lost your key? Yep.
And your clothes? Yep, as it happens, yep.
That's careless.
Well, it wasn't an accident.
It isn't as if I looked down and all of a sudden my clothes weren't there.
So you lost them deliberately? Patrick, it's none of your business what I do with my clothes these days.
Adam seems nice.
Look, yes, I did spend the night at a man's house.
Last night.
And, until recently, I was wearing his clothes.
And, yes, he does seem nice.
But, based on last night I can assure you he's not going to want to see me again.
And I'd just appreciate it if you could just Oh, there she is.
You left your phone at my house.
Oh.
Oh, you didn't have to come all this way to give me my phone.
Oh, well, you left something else as well.
Something that you may want to open uh in your own time.
Thank you.
See ya, girls.
See ya.
Oh, well, once again, I'd like to sincerely apologise for all all that you've suffered and been exposed to.
You got a couple of calls too.
Oh.
I mean, I wouldn't have answered, it's just once I realised that everyone thought you'd been abducted Oh, of course.
Uh, Mick called.
OK.
He said that he really needs numbers for tonight so he wanted you to invite EVERYONE from work.
Ah.
And, uh your mum called.
Right.
Thought you should invite your father tonight.
Look, biological or other? I didn't ask, I'm sorry.
Oh, that's OK - biological.
Um and your sister called - many times.
Once again, I'd like to issue a blanket apology.
Hey, Nina, it's fine, honestly.
I have a messy family myself and they're all up in Mackay so fielding all your calls kind of made me feel like I was at home.
That's very generous but nonetheless I will devise er er an appropriate form of compensation at some point and I'll Well, you could buy me a drink tonight.
Your brother-in-law invited me to the gig.
He really wants to bump up the numbers.
But if you don't feel comfortable I'll understand.
It just doesn't seem healthy, Adam.
You you've been harassed and your space has been invaded.
You've been vomited on, and you've seen me at my absolute ground-zero worst.
Really? That kind of makes me want to see you at your best.
Hello.
Hey.
Can I can I take your name, please? Robert Jeffries.
Robert Jeffries, great.
Right, it's fully equipped with off-street parking.
You've got your marble benchtop right here.
Um, there's a full-scale bathroom and an ensuite.
You've got your air conditioning, you've got your built-in robes, you've got Yeah, mate, do you mind if I just Sure, sure.
Thanks, mate.
Hello, here's a flyer.
Thank you.
And I will be just right here.
Just right here.
Any questions, I'll just Actually, I'm going to be just right here.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Jimmy Proudman.
Amy.
Nice to meet you.
Here we go.
OK, you've got your uh table there, your TV's just right up here.
Ah, you've got your couch here for those snugly nights in with a DVD and a bowl of Bolognese.
Do you think it's quiet enough? Oh, good, solid walls.
Listen.
I can't hear anything.
Exactly.
But we'd need to hear her if she was crying.
Alright, I'll tell you what - why don't you guys sit on the couch and pretend you're watching some television, OK? What? Ah, you've given me the wrong key.
What? The key you gave me - it looks right, and it doesn't fit.
This is ridiculous.
Well, don't snap at me - you gave me the wrong key.
Oh, well, you locked yourself out.
Well, I didn't intentionally lock myself out.
And I didn't intentionally give you the wrong key.
What - you think I'd intentionally give you the wrong key? Oh, I don't know what to think about you anymore, Patrick.
Yeah, well, I'm not the one getting trashed and hooking up with middle-aged backpackers.
Look, I'm not gonna even clarify that.
Clearly we've reached a point where even the most basic thing is beyond us.
I agree.
Look, just give the key to Cherie.
I'm going to Mick's gig tonight.
You don't even have to see me.
Fine.
Look, maybe we should figure things out so we can avoid all contact from here on.
Sounds good! Fine.
Goodbye! Hey, Scottie! Hey! This place is a lot less intimidating when it's full of people, OK? Good.
Plus, I've got all my in-laws coming so How many in-laws do you have? Uh, at least five.
Great! Is she a bit nervy? Oh, man, she's in a full paranoia death spiral.
Fu-ck! Hey, I am I am so sorry.
It's fine.
No, no, no, no, that was a shitty thing to do.
It's fine.
People get anxious when they care about things, Mick.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, and you just don't let yourself go there.
That's why you are 34 and you're still digging holes.
'Cause you just don't You're just too fucking scared of your own talent.
Alright.
Aarggh! Wow.
Sorry.
Ohh! I'm sorry.
No, no, no, it's good, it's good, it's fine.
It's good observation, warranted.
I'm sorry.
No, you're right - sort of.
I do get nervous, though.
It just manifests itself in crappy, aloof behaviour like you saw in there.
Yeah.
Tonight's going to be fine - better than fine.
Trust me.
Five in-laws, yep.
Yeah, but they've got massive personalities.
Come on.
Not even one? No.
Did you check for messages? Yeah.
Emails? Jimmy, um people often don't call back immediately after an inspection.
I mean, mostly they like to, well, sleep on it.
Alright, that's it, then.
Yeah, yeah, that's, um Dad? Mm-hm? Does Billie Does she get calls? Oh, sometimes.
What? They're here, with the Um Tell me.
What do I do? Where do I go? Wherever you like.
Hello.
Yes.
We were wondering if the vendor might be open to an offer on that property.
Absolutely.
Mum.
Mm-hm? Oh, Doc Phil Dad.
Darling, I really think Phillip should come tonight.
What? But I'm completely happy not to.
We've all just got to get over this at some point.
But the last thing that I'd want to do is to make you And this is a public event but it's also something of a family event so it's the perfect forum.
Yeah, but not if it's going to make you feel uncomfortable.
If that's what you feel it might do, to you.
Sorry, I just, um I need some peace and quiet and I need a phone charger, I need a Panadol.
Did I do that? Oh, don't flatter yourself, Phillip.
I'm sorry.
If you want if you want Phillip to come tonight, that's fine.
But you have to manage it with Dad because I can't.
I can't do Oh, Lord, I need a Panadol.
What's happened? Nothing.
Patrick.
Aarggh.
Nothing.
Patrick rang here today several times.
He's concerned about you.
He's very concerned.
Here, I'll get you some Panadol.
You have seven new messages.
Hey, Neens, still stuck here, bored.
Just read a massive book about New Zealand, 'Lord of the Rings'.
In it a bunch of people find this magic ring.
Hi, it's me.
I'm here.
Where are you? Should I just let myself in? OK, your house is kind of a wreck and you're not here so please call me.
OK, please just call or text when you get this.
I'm starting to get a bit worried.
I just rang your mother, she hasn't seen you.
Uh, please call.
God.
Really? OK, just let me know that you're OK, Nina, please.
Oi! Hey, hey.
Not yet.
Soon, soon, soon.
Just so you know, the clip is now officially up.
Five minutes before the gig begins! Well, I am a man of my word.
What? Oh, what?! What's going on? What the hell's she doing? Oh, don't talk to me about it, it's Mum's idea.
She can manage the whole thing.
It's fine, it's not a question of management, it's a question of everyone just cutting through the bullshit.
Ah! Phillip, come on.
"Just cut through the bullshit.
" You're the one with the bullshit.
Darcy, Phillip.
We're not pets, Geraldine.
Oh, just sit! There.
Oh, sorry I I don't really drink.
What? Not ever? Oh, well, just a sip on special occasions, to be polite.
I had intercourse with you.
Oh! Sorry.
Oh, fine, separate, whatever.
Just as you were! Well handled, Geraldine.
Certain tribes, just tribes uh, when the mother's giving birth, it is traditional for the father to share in the pains of labour so I would tie this to me like that, and when you feel pain, you would yank on it and You get what I'm saying? Did Patrick see you before he left? No, why? Oh, he didn't give you my key? No, I don't think so.
Don't you hate it when you're stuck on night shift when everyone else is leaving? Actually, I'm just heading off.
You heading to that gig as well? Nah.
Kim Yep? You're a great nurse.
So I I just wanna say thank you.
Thank you for your support, your professional support.
The doctors don't say enough to the nursing staff.
So I'm saying it to you now.
Are you leaving? There's an opportunity at Ainsworth Hospital.
You're leaving this hospital? I 'Cause of Nina? No.
Hey, Patrick Uh-huh? Thanks.
For the other thing.
Hi.
Hey.
Did I miss much? Well, unfortunately, yeah.
That's your brother-in-law, the keyboardist? Yes, yep.
Mick.
Wow.
They've really got something together.
Mmm.
Oh! That must be your mum.
Yep.
Wow, she's beautiful.
Glowing.
Yeah, she's a bottle down.
Right.
Oh, Cherie's here.
Your friend.
And, uh stepmother? Oh, no, no.
My brother's mother.
She's not together with my dad or anything.
Right.
Oh, they live together but they're not 'together'.
Right.
You're giving me the big happy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
This is such a big night for us.
It's the launch of this new project and a new collaboration.
Unfortunately, we've only got time for one more song.
It's alright.
It's alright.
I know, it's devastating.
But hopefully this is just the beginning.
Whoo! Last night I couldn't sleep The bed felt awful cold You say you want some space You say you want some space You won't pick up the phone I never said that I was easy Always pushing for the best Well, that's just 'cause I believe Believe in you, baby And this I must confess You make me happy You make me happy You shouldn't be alone Baby, come on home You make me happy You're hiding in the corner You've got nothing to hide You think I'd let you close You think I'd let you close If you weren't good on the inside If you weren't good on the inside And I see how you try I watch you all the time You think your wings are broken Your wings, they are not broken I wish you would unfold them You make me happy You make me happy You shouldn't be alone Baby, come on home You make me happy.
Whoo! That was amazing! Oh, a-maz-ing! Nina! Nina! Ooh! Oh! Zara, what's going on? How long? Uh, 29 weeks.
This is not a Braxton Hicks.
Are you sure? No, it's the real thing.
Alright, Dad, call an ambulance.
Yeah, I've got it.
This is way too early - what's happening? It's OK.
Hold that.
Let's go.
Hold that, quick.
She's asleep.
Has the labour stopped? Mmm, but we'll have to monitor her.
Really closely.
We've given her Nifedipine and steroids.
And Jimmy, is he going to He'll stay.
You? Uh I'll stay for a little while, then I'll have to Shit! I don't have a key.
Mum, can I Oh Patrick was there tonight.
Well, what with one thing and another, he gave me this.
Patrick was there? Yep.
Before.
Before all this.
Bye, darling.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye, honey.
See ya.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, I I should probably You should go.
We'll pack up.
Go.
You were great tonight.
Thanks.
You OK? Those injections Those injections were steroids.
For the baby's lungs.
The baby might not be able to breathe on its own yet, Jim.
But it's got all the other bits, right? All the important bits? Lungs are pretty important.