Only Murders in the Building (2021) s03e08 Episode Script
Sitzprobe
1
DOCTOR: You've had a minor heart attack.
But I'm healthy enough
to still direct a play, right?
You need to reduce stress.
Because if there's a next time,
it might not be so small.
My review was going to be a pan.
Death Rattle is a, is a classic,
haunting, murder mystery.
It's not supposed to be fun.
This one just didn't sing.
My folks adopted me
when they thought
they couldn't have kids.
But then, they had Ben.
A guy who, by the way,
was always fucking up.
Dickie said that Ben
always got the credit.
What, CoBro was Dickie's creation?
That's motive.
I need to show you something.
I took this from Loretta's apartment.
MABEL [ON PODCAST]: On a fateful night,
four weeks ago,
Hollywood Superstar
Ben Glenroy died. Twice.
I'm Mabel Mora.
Join me, flying solo this time,
in the search for answers
on a new season of
Only Murders in the Building.
#BloodyMabel.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[QUIET BREEZE BLOWING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
♪
[SLURPS]
[SNIFFLES]
LORETTA: Theater is all about choices.
What you share. What you hide.
The same story, even the same lines,
can be delivered a million ways.
Those choices change everything.
When I saw my first play, I fell in love.
[APPLAUSE]
LORETTA: My choice for my life was made.
Who ist that goes with me?
I was the lead in every school play.
I was "the best young actress
in the Midwest",
according to an article
in the Clayton Chronicle,
where my dad was the editor.
But, a visiting director
from New York agreed.
♪
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
After graduation, I'd go to Broadway.
It was all so clear.
Until it wasn't.
[SOBBING]
Acting is all about choices
[SIGHS] and I had to make one.
[BUS IDLING]
LORETTA: There was a couple in town
who couldn't conceive,
- and I thought it was best for everyone.
- [BUS DOOR CLOSES]
[AIR BRAKE RELEASES, BUS RUMBLING]
♪
LORETTA: There was no instant success
when I got to New York.
No delayed success either.
I began to wonder if I was
being punished for my choice.
The family sent me an update.
They finally got pregnant.
A miracle.
And just like that,
you had a baby brother.
You wouldn't be alone.
I followed you from afar.
I made a book about
you, which I cherish,
but it also made me sad
because I thought I'd
never see you again.
[HUMMING]
But then, [SIGHS] there it was.
A sign.
A chance to finally meet you.
CASTING DIRECTOR:
Ready, Durkin, you still there?
- LORETTA: Yes!
- [SCRIPT RUSTLING]
Yes! Hi!
Oh, hi. I-I'm so sorry, I thought
My agent assured me
that I was on the list.
- [APPLAUSE]
- LORETTA: There you were.
This is my manager, Dickie.
He's not just my manager,
he's also my brother.
LORETTA: My baby boy.
[SINGING] So, darling ♪
My darling ♪
These last few months,
getting to know you,
they have been a dream.
But I've been lying to you.
♪
So why am I telling you this today?
Because it's time.
And it's our sitzprobe rehearsal.
[GASPS]
Sitzprobe.
When the actors first perform
with an orchestra,
and you learn if all your choices
have produced something
harmonious or horrific.
[MUSICIANS CHATTERING]
[WARMING UP INSTRUMENTS]
LORETTA: And
if there's still time
to make it all right.
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[VOCALIZING]
[INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP]
[MUSICIANS CHATTERING]
Hey! Big day! How you feeling?
- Oh, I can't believe we're here.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Listen, I was, um
[BOTH LAUGH]
wondering if maybe we could
[WHISPERS] could talk later.
You know
Or I could just hand you
something that I wrote
and run away. [CHUCKLES]
OLIVER: Alright, everyone!
Gather 'round.
- [LORETTA SIGHS]
- [LAUGHS] Ah, yes. Okay.
So, supper later?
- I'd love to.
- Okay.
- Hey, break a leg.
- Thanks.
Loretta! Would you care to join us?
- Of course! [EXCITED GIGGLING]
- Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
Alright.
[EXCITED MURMURING]
People, it's here.
Sitzprobe!
[CHEERING, CLAPPING]
OLIVER: I-It's gonna be stop and start.
There's gonna be fuck-ups.
- [HOWARD GIGGLES]
- It's gonna be messy,
- but we're just gonna fight through, okay?
- [DOOR OPENS]
And I need everyone to be dialed in.
No distractions.
[ACTORS CHATTERING]
Uh, actually, let's take two.
Uh, Howard, could you mind the shop?
- Thanks.
- Two minutes, people!
Don't make me use the whistle!
♪
- No distractions.
- [DOOR OPENS]
Ooh, do I smell Schmackary's cookies?
[DOOR SHUTS]
You released a podcast without us?
Thought you didn't care
about this investigation.
I don't, but I reserve
the right to be hurt
when I'm excluded from things.
Mabel, where have you been?
Are you aware someone is living
in your aunt's apartment?
I've been crashing with Theo for now.
BOTH: Ooh
Trouble in Candyland with Toblerone?
That's my affectionate
nickname for Tobert,
who I like by the way,
and who I approve of.
Tobert and I are fine, thanks.
He's at a commercial shoot,
and he lent me some gear.
[IN WACKY VOICE] Whoa! GoPro!
[NORMAL VOICE] Do you have a suspect?
Oh, I have a lot to figure out,
but my gut keeps telling me it's Dickie.
I told you to stay away f
Actually, I don't mind Dickie.
Not in the cast.
Yes, let's go with Dickie.
Dickie did it.
Wow, I can see your priorities
haven't changed.
CHARLES: Hey, you know
what else hasn't changed?
What a terrific team we make.
We're back! The trio is back!
"Trio" on three!
One
Any, any time now.
I'm guessing you're gonna put
your hand in any minute now.
And two!
You're cutting it awfully
close, you two. Come on.
- [SPEAKER FEEDBACK]
- HOWARD [ON PA]: Mr. Putnam to the stage.
Unless you want me to direct?
Because I will do that.
Okay, he's out of control.
[ENERGETIC BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC SWELLS]
CAST [SINGING]: When you're
a creature of the night ♪
In the bleak midnight rain,
could you go ♪
So insane! ♪
A creature of the night ♪
In the bone-chilling cold
as the madness takes hold ♪
-
- See the blood drip, drip, drip ♪
- While your grip starts to slip ♪
- [PHONE NOTIFICATIONS ALERT]
Do your demons reside ♪
In the side that
you hide from the light? ♪
Are you a creature ♪
-
- Of the night? ♪
Focus, everyone! Please focus!
- I need your focus!
- Of the night ♪
CAST [SINGING]:
Is it you? Is it true? ♪
At the edge of the world ♪
A body lies cold ♪
A creature of the night! ♪
[ORCHESTRA STOPS PLAYING]
And cue the nanny.
[TUBA STING PLAYS]
Who goes there?
NYPD, motherfuckers!
- [ALL GASP]
- [POLICE SIRENS, TIRES SQUEAL OUTSIDE]
DETECTIVE WILLIAMS:
The stalker, he didn't do it.
He's creepy as fuck,
but he is not the killer.
- The killer is someone in this room.
- [ACTORS GASP]
Goddammit! I always
wanted to say that shit.
How did it sound, boys?
Did it sound strong to you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I
Is that my Roxie?
Girl! I saw Chicago.
Let me tell you something.
Your work on that stage
is a goddamn delight.
Oh, my God, stop.
- WILLIAMS: No, you stop!
- No, you stop!
I would really hate to lock yo ass up!
Everybody, let's go!
Come on! We moving it downtown!
[CONFUSED CHATTER]
Look, not to pour cold water
on this perfectly executed
surprise reunion,
but
why does it have to be
someone from here?
Couldn't it be someone from the Arconia?
Or a, a damn freak accident?
Ben Glenroy was poisoned
before opening night,
which they conveniently covered up,
so that means it's someone in here.
A freak accident p-poisoning?
- Oliver
- [SNORTS]
Okay. Two minutes.
Off stage. Please?
Alright.
- But, two minutes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Two
- That's, that's all we need.
- WILLIAMS: Come on, guys.
Oliver.
[OLIVER GRUNTS]
Tell me I'm hallucinating,
and that woman isn't really here.
Oh, don't worry. Uh, Detective Williams
is an old friend.
No.
Her.
♪
Y-Yes, uh, Maxine, I invited.
I know it's not normally done, but
A critic at sitzprobe?
It's never done! For good reason.
And Maxine?
I have nightmares about that woman.
Look, Maxine did not love
the first version of the show.
So, I thought, why not get her excited
about the musical version?
Let's build buzz, people.
So, we've got cops and a critic here?
[EXASPERATED SIGH]
Everybody loves a packed house.
Don't fuck this up, Oliver.
We are literally lighting cash on fire
every minute we're in this theater.
And loosen up.
You look as wooden as that
fucking lighthouse we built.
♪
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh, I love Chicago.
Now, have you seen the movie version?
- MABEL: Oh.
- WILLIAMS: With Queen Latifah?
- You know
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Fun thought. Interrogations happen here!
Question a suspect, take in a tune.
I mean, why does murder
always have to be
such a dreary business anyway?
Yeah, and you know actors.
I mean, you've gotta
make 'em comfortable
if you wanna get 'em to talk.
Yeah, they're a weird-ass bunch.
A-And I could help.
Like, play bad cop, or,
you know, get you a latte.
Nah, you've done more than enough, Mora.
Because of your podcast,
I got kicked off a cushy-ass gig
at Community Services.
Do you know that I was
in charge of a playground?
I knew it. This is Mabel's fault,
swinging solo in our podcast playground.
Let's stay away from
blaming words like "fault".
Neutral language, please.
Oh
Y'all are fighting.
Actually, you know what? Don't tell me.
I don't even care.
I'm gonna go find a room
to do some interrogations.
Oliver, I know you and I
haven't been seeing eye-to-eye,
but we've got to get in
on those interviews.
Look, my show is hanging
on by a thread here.
Finding this killer is the only way
that you'll actually
have an opening night.
She's right. We're back. Whoa-ho-ho!
Hands in! Let's go!
I made a huge break in the case.
You gotta come with me.
Mm, just Mabel.
The ace investigator with
a closet full of cashmere.
I wanna be her in a next life.
[WHISPERS] Follow me.
It's okay. Go. I'll spy on Williams.
- Seriously?
- Yes, yes.
I-If-If cracking this case
means I save my show, I'm in.
It's just, it's been a minute.
Mabel, trust us. We've got this.
Mabel! Come on.
♪
[MABEL SIGHS]
- Williams!
- Yeah, okay.
So when the cops came, I rushed in here
to shred my Papa
Smurf-Skeletor slash-fic.
In the wrong hands,
it could be misunderstood.
Then, this happened.
[SHREDDER WHIRRING, GRINDING]
The spooky sound from opening night,
when I was looking for the broom,
and the door was locked.
Someone was in here shredding something.
Yes! So we're left with two questions.
What was happening in here
right before Ben Glenroy was poisoned,
and can I be on your podcast?
[SIGHS] I don't know. I mean,
it could be linked to Ben's
death, or it could not be.
Either way, the evidence is destroyed.
We can reassemble it.
I can.
I am a master at word searches
and jumbles.
I was an unpopular child.
[FAKE SHOCK] No.
I can take any word
and list every word you can
make out of its letters.
Take "puzzle", for example.
From "puzzle", you can make "up" and
Actually, "up" might be
the only word in puzzle.
That was a bad example.
Give me another word, Mabel.
Uh! Uh, "treasure".
"Erasure", "austere", "rats".
Mabel, we don't have time
to list them all!
We need to reassemble these!
There might be a clue.
Okay, I can help.
Great. Go get me some scotch tape.
No, I can actually help.
I mean, puzzles are
kind of my thing, too.
There's a killer on the loose!
This is what I do!
Go get me scotch tape, then
get the hell out of my way.
[PAPER RUSTLING]
O-Oh
See? Perfect for sitting and
probing during sitzprobe?
You got your low lighting,
you got an ergonomic chair,
uh, back issues of The New Yorker.
A fantastic "Talk of the Town" piece
about a pigeon who lives in a clock
at the Guggenheim. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, I don't give a damn
about your old-man magazines,
but I do love a good chair.
Lumbar support?
For days!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Okay.
- Young man, come and have a seat.
- CHARLES: Ah, yeah.
Thank you.
Charles, I'm not talking
till you get up and go.
Okay. Sure. Yeah. Have fun.
Okay, so
Please leave. Sorry about that.
Uh, so opening night,
you arrived at the theater at what time?
Um, let's see,
I-I got here before Kimber
Excuse me, excuse me.
I'm just looking for
my weighted blanket.
Just continue the questioning
like I'm not even here. Blanket
WILLIAMS: You got here at what time?
TY: Um, I think around 5:00.
WILLIAMS: Okay, 5:00 p.m.?
And did you get in contact
- with your stage manager at all?
- [CHARLES GRUNTING, MUTTERING]
CHARLES: Jeez! These things
weigh, like, 60 pounds.
It's like the weight of a small man!
[GRUNTS] Or a big cozy dog.
Charles. Knock it off. Get outta here.
Well, the trouble is
I'm weighted down now.
I can't hardly move.
I'll tell you what, I just won't listen.
Huh! Look at this.
[SOFT LAUGH]
Yeah, here we go.
[OPENS PHONE]
- [CHARLES SINGS TO HIMSELF]
- WILLIAMS: Whatever.
- So you got here at what time? You said 5?
- Yes.
And did you notify the stage manager?
- [CHARLES CONTINUES SINGING]
- TY: I did not. I forgot to notify her
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
CHARLES: Pickwick
Triplets did it ♪
- WILLIAMS: Hey.
- [SHOUTS] What?!
I know what you're doing!
I'm just practicing my patter song.
A-And not to brag, but I can do
four lines in a row now
without going into
a panic attack. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, that's not really a brag. Get out!
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
♪
- [OLIVER SIGHS]
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
[SIGHS]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Come in.
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Hello.
You took something from my apartment.
Didn't you?
Yes, I did.
And I shouldn't have.
OLIVER [SIGHING]: Here.
You don't owe me any explanation.
I mean,
sure, th-the book is a little odd,
but, uh,
th-th-the point is,
y-y-you don't need to tell me.
Thank you.
[SHARP INHALE]
See, this is where you jump in
a-and tell the story behind the book,
so we can move on and
never speak of it again.
You don't trust me.
Of course, I trust you.
I-I was confused.
But it's not like I think
you're the killer.
[WEAK LAUGH]
In fact, Mabel thinks it's Dickie,
and Mabel's never wrong.
Except when she suggested
that I remove the singing
crab people from the show.
- I mean, that's just lunacy.
- Dickie? Why Dickie?
I mean
Ben's creepy brother?
I can see it.
KT [ON PA]: Loretta to the stage
for The Nanny's Lullaby.
Loretta to the stage.
[SIGHS] So
[LORETTA SIGHS DEEPLY]
- [CONFUSED LAUGH] Uh
- Yeah, yeah.
- I gotta go.
- Yeah, got you. Just
[OLIVER SIGHS]
And then my family, they
moved down to Florida,
which was really tough on me
- [SOFT, MUFFLED SINGING]
- because my mother only has one foot
Bobo. Bobo, please.
Again, I'm gonna remind you,
this is a police interview.
Cut all that family shit out.
- Okay, okay.
- Now, focus.
WILLIAMS: Five minutes
before the curtain went up,
where were you?
- I
- Very quickly.
Oh, my God.
I just wanted to say sorry for Charles.
I-It's my fault he's acting up,
you know. I-I
I gave him a patter song,
which is theater parlance
I know what the fuck a patter song is.
Is it the Gilbert &
Sullivan thing, right?
Like Pirates of the Pen
You know what?
No! We're not doing this!
We're not doing this. Stay focused, now.
Anyway, it ratcheted up his anxiety
to a whole new level.
Now, I don't know if
you've ever hit a deer,
but in the moment before
your car makes impact,
there's a look in their eyes
And Charles is the deer. I got it.
Do you, though?
- Maybe I just stay here
- No.
until I think of the right
devastating analogy.
- Putnam?
- What?
- Get the fuck out!
- [SNORTS] Okay.
[SIGHS]
- Close the door!
- Oh, yes.
Good seeing you.
Seriously? How many rolls
of colored masking tape
does a theater need?
Where's the scotch tape?
LORETTA: Hey.
That's spike tape. I got you. Here.
I never go anywhere without it.
Side gig as a professional gift wrapper.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So, um
Oliver says that you're investigating.
So I thought, "Hm.
Maybe I should find out
what your theory is and lend a hand?"
You know, killers sometimes
insert themselves
into investigations.
Oh. [LAUGHS] That's really funny.
No! No, I just really wanna help.
I mean, this show means the world to me.
God, it's supposed to be
my Broadway debut.
[SCOFFS] For God's sake.
Took me long enough.
- [INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP]
- [STAGE CHATTER]
There's nothing wrong
with being a late bloomer.
I'm one myself.
Hmm.
I'm looking at Dickie.
- Oh, you don't want it to be him, do you?
- [LORETTA GASPS]
I mean, I know you have
a relationship with him.
What do Wh-What do you mean?
Isn't he your manager or something?
Oh, yeah! He [LAUGHS]
Yeah, he's my m
Of course, I don't want it to be him,
but I also don't think he did it.
I mean, Dickie's just a really good kid.
Isn't he, like, 50?
Yeah, he's a child.
Well, but what about poison?
You know, not to be sexist,
but that is more a woman's method.
Well, Dickie was in
charge of Ben's food.
Could be easy and convenient.
Uh, yeah, but before
we pin it on him, [SIGHS]
you should know that
there is a cast of
much odder characters around this show.
I'm just gonna throw a name out. Bobo.
We don't really know Bobo, do we?
I mean, he's the comic relief,
but, um, is the comedy
hiding something sinister?
I thought poison was a woman's method.
Oh, yeah. Right, right. So
Mm, KT! What a bitch.
- Could be
- [MABEL SIGHS]
I'm just trying to, um,
picture Dickie as a murderer, and, um
Uh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
[WEAK LAUGH]
And no. I can't.
Sorry.
I just can't picture it.
Thanks.
[LORETTA GROANS]
KT [ON PA]: Charles-Haden Savage
to the stage
for The Pickwick Triplets.
God help us all.
♪
I really have to do the whole thing?
Yes. All two minutes, 46 seconds.
No White Room.
No fake migraine one verse in.
[OLIVER SIGHS]
[VIOLIN WARMING UP]
Hi. [NERVOUS LAUGH]
Uh Okay, here we go.
Just watch. Just watch.
[WARMING UP STOPS]
[ORCHESTRA STARTS PLAYING]
CHARLES [SINGING]:
Three little babes ♪
In their bassinets ♪
Angelic little triplets ♪
Or triple threats? ♪
They might have fooled the others ♪
But they won't fool me ♪
It's time to give these
teething, seething three ♪
The third degree ♪
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING JAUNTY TUNE]
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Who of the crew would
commit this crime? ♪
Might a little brat
make a mommy go splat? ♪
It's a story pretty gory
for a nursery rhyme ♪
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Which of the spawn
had the brawn to kill? ♪
Will a baby get tried for matricide? ♪
Coochie-coochie coo ♪
Time for you or you
or you to admit it ♪
So, quick as a whip ♪
Gotta pick which Pickwick
Triplet did it ♪
[ORCHESTRA SLOWS TEMPO]
Penelope in pink sure
is making quite a stink ♪
Is she trying to
throw me off the scent? ♪
Though she bats her little eyes ♪
Is she a killer in disguise? ♪
With a diaper full
of criminal intent ♪
Preening Patrick is pernicious ♪
With an appetite so vicious ♪
He would bite the hand
that feeds him with a sneer ♪
[MABEL AND HOWARD CHATTERING]
But could that rotten tot ♪
Be behind this evil plot? ♪
Baby-stepping towards
a murderous career ♪
Pouty little Paco's looking coy ♪
But he's a bad, bad boy ♪
Could Paco's passion
prove apocalyptic? ♪
Is that something?
With his paci and his rattle ♪
Did this pisher go to battle? ♪
Proving he's the perp amidst
this Pickwick triptych ♪
In this picaresque puzzle
of the Pickwick pack ♪
Will a lighthouse shed some light ♪
On which kid gave ol' Mom a whack? ♪
There's an infant to indict ♪
I'll book this little crook tonight ♪
But, which of
the Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
Who of the crew would
commit this crime? ♪
Which little brat
made Mommy go splat? ♪
Which crib, which sib
will be doing hard time? ♪
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Which little putz
had the guts to kill? ♪
Like a forensic pediatrician ♪
I'll complete this inquisition ♪
I will name the neonatal ♪
From the cradle that proved fatal ♪
I will find the perpetrator ♪
Who did murder to their maker ♪
[QUIETLY] What's up?
[QUIETLY] I can't do dinner tonight.
The cops said they need to talk to me.
Why? What about?
It can't be good.
Or coochie-coochie coo ♪
[WHIMSICAL NOTES PLAY]
What if none of it is true? ♪
♪
Has my inspection been too cursory? ♪
Should I look outside this nursery? ♪
What if none of
the Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
Who'd have had a menacing
motive and hid it? ♪
Who? Who? Who? ♪
Well, I pick ♪
You! ♪
[JAUNTY CRESCENDO PLAYS]
[RUSTLING]
There probably wasn't
anything important in here.
It was a dumb idea.
- I'm full of them.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, wow. Don't even
push back. [CHUCKLES]
But, fair. Don't coddle me.
MABEL: Hey
You were right.
Our killer might have stood
right here on opening night.
There's something important in there,
and only you can find it.
I don't know if I can.
Howard, what are
the words in "determined"?
"Tired". "Denied".
- Keep going.
- "Remedied".
♪
"Redeem".
"Me".
Oh. That worked better than I expected.
See? You can do this.
I did find this.
That's the date of opening night.
Okay, find all the other pieces
with the same font.
Who knows, you might get
a spot on the podcast.
I can be on the podcast?
I said "might" and
"who knows". [GIGGLES]
[DOOR OPENS]
I'm gonna need a lot more fucking tape.
[DOOR SHUTS]
- Here she comes.
- Alright.
So! I'm assuming no luck with Williams?
Funny, isn't it? The way she doubts us.
Oh, she thinks we're fools.
But that's only because we're
so skilled at playing them.
Weird flex, but okay.
We have the interrogations on tape.
On tape?
Charles, let's bring
the lady up to speed.
Well, I went in first
making Williams
think I was just an idiot
trying to eavesdrop.
But, really, I was piquing her interest.
For, you see,
Detective Williams is a theater nut.
[SINGING] Which of the
Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
OLIVER: We knew she'd be
interested in a patter song,
and doubly so if it involved Charles
absolutely humiliating himself.
Now, I don't know
if you've ever hit a deer
So, I painted a picture
of just how tragic Charles was on stage.
CHARLES: The bait was set.
♪
You need to get me
the time to sneak past
this phalanx of coppers
so I can set it all up.
- I've got this.
- Okay.
I just have to say one
word after another.
One word, yes.
Faster than any human ever should.
Uh-huh.
OLIVER: She took it,
and the interrogation room
was left unattended.
[SNIFFS]
[SIGHS] Okay
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
CHARLES: Of course, in order
to give Oliver the time needed,
I had to get through all of it.
OLIVER: Didn't miss a word.
So, you're saying,
with Tobert's GoPro
We recorded everything.
All the big interrogations.
Oh, my God! That sounds
so unnecessarily complicated,
but you guys actually did it.
Uh-huh.
You know what this calls for.
♪
Wanna make a podcast with me?
Oh, my God, this is corny.
- So corny.
- [LAUGHS] I know, it is.
So, so corny.
But it was, it was good. It was cute.
- It's fun, yeah.
- It's cute.
- Murder?
- Yeah.
Murder, yeah.
[DEEP BREATHING]
[GAGGING, VOMITING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
- [SIGHS]
- [RUNS WATER]
- [SNIFFLING, SIGHS]
- [DONNA CLEARS THROAT]
Nerves. [WEAK LAUGH]
LORETTA: Yeah.
Forty years in show business,
and I've still got 'em.
LORETTA: Who doesn't? [LAUGHS]
[LORETTA SIGHS DEEPLY]
- [SNIFFLES]
- Is everything alright, dear?
Oh. Yeah. I just have
some nerves of my own.
- [LAUGHS, SNIFFS]
- Of course.
You saw Maxine Spear
out there, I take it.
LORETTA: Mm-hmm.
[SPRITZES]
It's quite a big swing
we've taken with this show,
trying to save it. [SIGHS]
I don't know that I would've hung on
- if it weren't for Cliff.
- Mm-hmm.
- His first show.
- I know. [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] As a mother, you can't help it.
You spend your whole life
looking out for your child.
It never stops.
And you'll do anything
to make sure they're okay.
Mm hmm.
♪
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
[HEAVY BREATHS]
The final number's next, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, where's Loretta?
We're looking for her.
I do hope you find her.
She's really quite
extraordinary, Oliver.
So you like what you're seeing?
Well, when I last saw
this show in previews,
I thought there was no hope,
and when I heard
you were making it into a musical,
I got so excited
that I was gonna savage
your toe-tapping dreams.
But this, this, this, this
is pure Oliver Putnam.
Uh, tell me, Maxine, does it sing?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
You'll have to wait for my review.
♪
[QUIET LOBBY CHATTER]
[GASPS] Oh. Here you are.
Hey, shouldn't you be getting ready
for your big final number?
Oh yeah.
Something about being
back in this theater.
I just keep thinking about
Opening night? I know.
I keep thinking about
the fight I had with Ben
right before he
You know, he said I was dead to him.
Look, you c-couldn't have known that
No, it's not that. I'm not
upset I hurt his feelings.
- He was a prick.
- [WEAK LAUGH]
I just knew the next morning,
he'd rope me back in.
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- But when he was gone,
for those few brief moments, I just
I felt free.
♪
And then he was back.
I was trapped again.
I couldn't take it anymore.
You understand?
- Of course, I do.
- [PA CLICKS]
KT [ON PA]: Loretta to the stage
for The Sake of a Child.
Loretta to the stage.
Was there something
you needed to say to me?
Oh
Mm-mm.
You didn't deserve this.
None of this ever should have happened.
It's not your fault.
You are the best part about
these last few months for me.
♪
Oh
[WEAK LAUGH]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Loretta, Loretta, U-Uh, c-can I
- Yeah.
- Give me just one s Thanks.
[CLEARS THROAT] We're gonna start
with your part of the song.
- And just focus
- Okay, not Jonathan?
Yeah, well, we'll do
that in a little bit, um
[SIGHS] And listen to me.
I know that you're upset with me.
And that's fine. That's fine.
But, I-I need to say
that I do trust you.
And I-I don't care about the book.
I don't care about any of it.
I just wanna be with you.
To do our show.
Excuse me, our hit show,
and go home to your
funny little apartment
and just fall asleep in your arms.
- Oliver, you don't have to
- No, I do.
♪
And there's more.
[SIGHS] And it's a biggie.
I love you.
Wow, I haven't said
those words in a minute.
But you know what? It felt right.
So I'm gonna say it again. Here it goes.
I love you.
HOWARD: Loretta!
We need you up here, please.
Okay, well
- [LORETTA SIGHS]
- break a leg.
- HOWARD: Clock is ticking.
- LORETTA: Coming.
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]
[CONDUCTOR TAPS BATON]
[CELLOS PLAY INTENSE INTRO]
[SINGING] A nanny's only duty
is to the children ♪
♪
To keep them swaddled in
the safety of her care ♪
Ooh
LORETTA: With a fierce and iron will ♪
[LORETTA CLEARS THROAT]
She would fight, and she would kill ♪
If she's poked, she'll be provoke ♪
And like ♪
- LORETTA: [MUMBLES, LAUGHS] I'm so sorry.
- CHARLES: Huh.
LORETTA: I can't hear the, um, rhythm.
Can I just have the piano
in the orchestra?
Like, I can't hear the rhythm.
And then, I'll come in on the
- [FORCEFUL PIANO PLAYS]
- Yeah.
[SINGING] A nanny keeps her
patience under pressure ♪
[PIANO MUSIC BUILDS]
Forceful and resourceful as can be ♪
No matter what you
might hurl toward her ♪
She keeps the goddamn house in order ♪
[INHALES]
But if you want those kids ♪
- You have to go through ♪
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Me ♪
[FULL ORCHESTRA JOINS]
MABEL: Charles
these aren't photos of Ben.
They're photos of Dickie.
[SINGING] For the sake of a child ♪
I'd give my life completely ♪
For the sake of a child ♪
To Hell and back I'd go ♪
No, I won't bend and I won't break ♪
There are precious lives at stake ♪
I'll die before I'd ever let him go ♪
No! ♪
For the sake, no! For the sake ♪
Stop! For the sake, wait! ♪
Sorry! [GASPS]
I did it.
- I killed Ben.
- [SHOCKED GASPS]
I put poison in his
disgusting protein drink
just before we went
on stage opening night.
And then when that didn't work,
he showed up at the party,
and I I pushed him
down the elevator shaft.
Loretta, no. No, no!
I'm not gonna let another innocent man
go to jail for what I did.
- [SHOCKED MURMURING]
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- OLIVER: Please don't do this!
- WILLIAMS: Damn.
I stayed for the drama,
but you definitely brought it, Nanny.
Leave her alone! You can't
do this! [STRUGGLING]
I'm sorry, Oliver.
- I'm so sorry.
- [HANDCUFFS CLICK]
OFFICER: Come on,
you're coming with us, ma'am.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
[SHOCKED CHATTER]
[OLIVER GASPING]
Oh God.
♪
- [GRUNTING] Oh, my God.
- [HOLTER MONITOR BEEPING]
MABEL: Oliver?
- [OLIVER GROANS]
- What's going on? Oliver! Hey!
- [SHOCKED YELLING]
- Oliver, wake up.
Call somebody! Get some help!
[CONFUSED SHOUTING]
- MABEL: Can you hear me?
- CHARLES: Come on, Oliver!
Come on! Where is somebody?!
Oh, my God!
Come on, Oliver, please no!
[CHARLES GASPING]
[ECHOING] Get some help!
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
♪
DOCTOR: You've had a minor heart attack.
But I'm healthy enough
to still direct a play, right?
You need to reduce stress.
Because if there's a next time,
it might not be so small.
My review was going to be a pan.
Death Rattle is a, is a classic,
haunting, murder mystery.
It's not supposed to be fun.
This one just didn't sing.
My folks adopted me
when they thought
they couldn't have kids.
But then, they had Ben.
A guy who, by the way,
was always fucking up.
Dickie said that Ben
always got the credit.
What, CoBro was Dickie's creation?
That's motive.
I need to show you something.
I took this from Loretta's apartment.
MABEL [ON PODCAST]: On a fateful night,
four weeks ago,
Hollywood Superstar
Ben Glenroy died. Twice.
I'm Mabel Mora.
Join me, flying solo this time,
in the search for answers
on a new season of
Only Murders in the Building.
#BloodyMabel.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[QUIET BREEZE BLOWING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
♪
[SLURPS]
[SNIFFLES]
LORETTA: Theater is all about choices.
What you share. What you hide.
The same story, even the same lines,
can be delivered a million ways.
Those choices change everything.
When I saw my first play, I fell in love.
[APPLAUSE]
LORETTA: My choice for my life was made.
Who ist that goes with me?
I was the lead in every school play.
I was "the best young actress
in the Midwest",
according to an article
in the Clayton Chronicle,
where my dad was the editor.
But, a visiting director
from New York agreed.
♪
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
After graduation, I'd go to Broadway.
It was all so clear.
Until it wasn't.
[SOBBING]
Acting is all about choices
[SIGHS] and I had to make one.
[BUS IDLING]
LORETTA: There was a couple in town
who couldn't conceive,
- and I thought it was best for everyone.
- [BUS DOOR CLOSES]
[AIR BRAKE RELEASES, BUS RUMBLING]
♪
LORETTA: There was no instant success
when I got to New York.
No delayed success either.
I began to wonder if I was
being punished for my choice.
The family sent me an update.
They finally got pregnant.
A miracle.
And just like that,
you had a baby brother.
You wouldn't be alone.
I followed you from afar.
I made a book about
you, which I cherish,
but it also made me sad
because I thought I'd
never see you again.
[HUMMING]
But then, [SIGHS] there it was.
A sign.
A chance to finally meet you.
CASTING DIRECTOR:
Ready, Durkin, you still there?
- LORETTA: Yes!
- [SCRIPT RUSTLING]
Yes! Hi!
Oh, hi. I-I'm so sorry, I thought
My agent assured me
that I was on the list.
- [APPLAUSE]
- LORETTA: There you were.
This is my manager, Dickie.
He's not just my manager,
he's also my brother.
LORETTA: My baby boy.
[SINGING] So, darling ♪
My darling ♪
These last few months,
getting to know you,
they have been a dream.
But I've been lying to you.
♪
So why am I telling you this today?
Because it's time.
And it's our sitzprobe rehearsal.
[GASPS]
Sitzprobe.
When the actors first perform
with an orchestra,
and you learn if all your choices
have produced something
harmonious or horrific.
[MUSICIANS CHATTERING]
[WARMING UP INSTRUMENTS]
LORETTA: And
if there's still time
to make it all right.
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[VOCALIZING]
[INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP]
[MUSICIANS CHATTERING]
Hey! Big day! How you feeling?
- Oh, I can't believe we're here.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Listen, I was, um
[BOTH LAUGH]
wondering if maybe we could
[WHISPERS] could talk later.
You know
Or I could just hand you
something that I wrote
and run away. [CHUCKLES]
OLIVER: Alright, everyone!
Gather 'round.
- [LORETTA SIGHS]
- [LAUGHS] Ah, yes. Okay.
So, supper later?
- I'd love to.
- Okay.
- Hey, break a leg.
- Thanks.
Loretta! Would you care to join us?
- Of course! [EXCITED GIGGLING]
- Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
Alright.
[EXCITED MURMURING]
People, it's here.
Sitzprobe!
[CHEERING, CLAPPING]
OLIVER: I-It's gonna be stop and start.
There's gonna be fuck-ups.
- [HOWARD GIGGLES]
- It's gonna be messy,
- but we're just gonna fight through, okay?
- [DOOR OPENS]
And I need everyone to be dialed in.
No distractions.
[ACTORS CHATTERING]
Uh, actually, let's take two.
Uh, Howard, could you mind the shop?
- Thanks.
- Two minutes, people!
Don't make me use the whistle!
♪
- No distractions.
- [DOOR OPENS]
Ooh, do I smell Schmackary's cookies?
[DOOR SHUTS]
You released a podcast without us?
Thought you didn't care
about this investigation.
I don't, but I reserve
the right to be hurt
when I'm excluded from things.
Mabel, where have you been?
Are you aware someone is living
in your aunt's apartment?
I've been crashing with Theo for now.
BOTH: Ooh
Trouble in Candyland with Toblerone?
That's my affectionate
nickname for Tobert,
who I like by the way,
and who I approve of.
Tobert and I are fine, thanks.
He's at a commercial shoot,
and he lent me some gear.
[IN WACKY VOICE] Whoa! GoPro!
[NORMAL VOICE] Do you have a suspect?
Oh, I have a lot to figure out,
but my gut keeps telling me it's Dickie.
I told you to stay away f
Actually, I don't mind Dickie.
Not in the cast.
Yes, let's go with Dickie.
Dickie did it.
Wow, I can see your priorities
haven't changed.
CHARLES: Hey, you know
what else hasn't changed?
What a terrific team we make.
We're back! The trio is back!
"Trio" on three!
One
Any, any time now.
I'm guessing you're gonna put
your hand in any minute now.
And two!
You're cutting it awfully
close, you two. Come on.
- [SPEAKER FEEDBACK]
- HOWARD [ON PA]: Mr. Putnam to the stage.
Unless you want me to direct?
Because I will do that.
Okay, he's out of control.
[ENERGETIC BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC SWELLS]
CAST [SINGING]: When you're
a creature of the night ♪
In the bleak midnight rain,
could you go ♪
So insane! ♪
A creature of the night ♪
In the bone-chilling cold
as the madness takes hold ♪
-
- See the blood drip, drip, drip ♪
- While your grip starts to slip ♪
- [PHONE NOTIFICATIONS ALERT]
Do your demons reside ♪
In the side that
you hide from the light? ♪
Are you a creature ♪
-
- Of the night? ♪
Focus, everyone! Please focus!
- I need your focus!
- Of the night ♪
CAST [SINGING]:
Is it you? Is it true? ♪
At the edge of the world ♪
A body lies cold ♪
A creature of the night! ♪
[ORCHESTRA STOPS PLAYING]
And cue the nanny.
[TUBA STING PLAYS]
Who goes there?
NYPD, motherfuckers!
- [ALL GASP]
- [POLICE SIRENS, TIRES SQUEAL OUTSIDE]
DETECTIVE WILLIAMS:
The stalker, he didn't do it.
He's creepy as fuck,
but he is not the killer.
- The killer is someone in this room.
- [ACTORS GASP]
Goddammit! I always
wanted to say that shit.
How did it sound, boys?
Did it sound strong to you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I
Is that my Roxie?
Girl! I saw Chicago.
Let me tell you something.
Your work on that stage
is a goddamn delight.
Oh, my God, stop.
- WILLIAMS: No, you stop!
- No, you stop!
I would really hate to lock yo ass up!
Everybody, let's go!
Come on! We moving it downtown!
[CONFUSED CHATTER]
Look, not to pour cold water
on this perfectly executed
surprise reunion,
but
why does it have to be
someone from here?
Couldn't it be someone from the Arconia?
Or a, a damn freak accident?
Ben Glenroy was poisoned
before opening night,
which they conveniently covered up,
so that means it's someone in here.
A freak accident p-poisoning?
- Oliver
- [SNORTS]
Okay. Two minutes.
Off stage. Please?
Alright.
- But, two minutes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Two
- That's, that's all we need.
- WILLIAMS: Come on, guys.
Oliver.
[OLIVER GRUNTS]
Tell me I'm hallucinating,
and that woman isn't really here.
Oh, don't worry. Uh, Detective Williams
is an old friend.
No.
Her.
♪
Y-Yes, uh, Maxine, I invited.
I know it's not normally done, but
A critic at sitzprobe?
It's never done! For good reason.
And Maxine?
I have nightmares about that woman.
Look, Maxine did not love
the first version of the show.
So, I thought, why not get her excited
about the musical version?
Let's build buzz, people.
So, we've got cops and a critic here?
[EXASPERATED SIGH]
Everybody loves a packed house.
Don't fuck this up, Oliver.
We are literally lighting cash on fire
every minute we're in this theater.
And loosen up.
You look as wooden as that
fucking lighthouse we built.
♪
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh, I love Chicago.
Now, have you seen the movie version?
- MABEL: Oh.
- WILLIAMS: With Queen Latifah?
- You know
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Fun thought. Interrogations happen here!
Question a suspect, take in a tune.
I mean, why does murder
always have to be
such a dreary business anyway?
Yeah, and you know actors.
I mean, you've gotta
make 'em comfortable
if you wanna get 'em to talk.
Yeah, they're a weird-ass bunch.
A-And I could help.
Like, play bad cop, or,
you know, get you a latte.
Nah, you've done more than enough, Mora.
Because of your podcast,
I got kicked off a cushy-ass gig
at Community Services.
Do you know that I was
in charge of a playground?
I knew it. This is Mabel's fault,
swinging solo in our podcast playground.
Let's stay away from
blaming words like "fault".
Neutral language, please.
Oh
Y'all are fighting.
Actually, you know what? Don't tell me.
I don't even care.
I'm gonna go find a room
to do some interrogations.
Oliver, I know you and I
haven't been seeing eye-to-eye,
but we've got to get in
on those interviews.
Look, my show is hanging
on by a thread here.
Finding this killer is the only way
that you'll actually
have an opening night.
She's right. We're back. Whoa-ho-ho!
Hands in! Let's go!
I made a huge break in the case.
You gotta come with me.
Mm, just Mabel.
The ace investigator with
a closet full of cashmere.
I wanna be her in a next life.
[WHISPERS] Follow me.
It's okay. Go. I'll spy on Williams.
- Seriously?
- Yes, yes.
I-If-If cracking this case
means I save my show, I'm in.
It's just, it's been a minute.
Mabel, trust us. We've got this.
Mabel! Come on.
♪
[MABEL SIGHS]
- Williams!
- Yeah, okay.
So when the cops came, I rushed in here
to shred my Papa
Smurf-Skeletor slash-fic.
In the wrong hands,
it could be misunderstood.
Then, this happened.
[SHREDDER WHIRRING, GRINDING]
The spooky sound from opening night,
when I was looking for the broom,
and the door was locked.
Someone was in here shredding something.
Yes! So we're left with two questions.
What was happening in here
right before Ben Glenroy was poisoned,
and can I be on your podcast?
[SIGHS] I don't know. I mean,
it could be linked to Ben's
death, or it could not be.
Either way, the evidence is destroyed.
We can reassemble it.
I can.
I am a master at word searches
and jumbles.
I was an unpopular child.
[FAKE SHOCK] No.
I can take any word
and list every word you can
make out of its letters.
Take "puzzle", for example.
From "puzzle", you can make "up" and
Actually, "up" might be
the only word in puzzle.
That was a bad example.
Give me another word, Mabel.
Uh! Uh, "treasure".
"Erasure", "austere", "rats".
Mabel, we don't have time
to list them all!
We need to reassemble these!
There might be a clue.
Okay, I can help.
Great. Go get me some scotch tape.
No, I can actually help.
I mean, puzzles are
kind of my thing, too.
There's a killer on the loose!
This is what I do!
Go get me scotch tape, then
get the hell out of my way.
[PAPER RUSTLING]
O-Oh
See? Perfect for sitting and
probing during sitzprobe?
You got your low lighting,
you got an ergonomic chair,
uh, back issues of The New Yorker.
A fantastic "Talk of the Town" piece
about a pigeon who lives in a clock
at the Guggenheim. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, I don't give a damn
about your old-man magazines,
but I do love a good chair.
Lumbar support?
For days!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Okay.
- Young man, come and have a seat.
- CHARLES: Ah, yeah.
Thank you.
Charles, I'm not talking
till you get up and go.
Okay. Sure. Yeah. Have fun.
Okay, so
Please leave. Sorry about that.
Uh, so opening night,
you arrived at the theater at what time?
Um, let's see,
I-I got here before Kimber
Excuse me, excuse me.
I'm just looking for
my weighted blanket.
Just continue the questioning
like I'm not even here. Blanket
WILLIAMS: You got here at what time?
TY: Um, I think around 5:00.
WILLIAMS: Okay, 5:00 p.m.?
And did you get in contact
- with your stage manager at all?
- [CHARLES GRUNTING, MUTTERING]
CHARLES: Jeez! These things
weigh, like, 60 pounds.
It's like the weight of a small man!
[GRUNTS] Or a big cozy dog.
Charles. Knock it off. Get outta here.
Well, the trouble is
I'm weighted down now.
I can't hardly move.
I'll tell you what, I just won't listen.
Huh! Look at this.
[SOFT LAUGH]
Yeah, here we go.
[OPENS PHONE]
- [CHARLES SINGS TO HIMSELF]
- WILLIAMS: Whatever.
- So you got here at what time? You said 5?
- Yes.
And did you notify the stage manager?
- [CHARLES CONTINUES SINGING]
- TY: I did not. I forgot to notify her
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
CHARLES: Pickwick
Triplets did it ♪
- WILLIAMS: Hey.
- [SHOUTS] What?!
I know what you're doing!
I'm just practicing my patter song.
A-And not to brag, but I can do
four lines in a row now
without going into
a panic attack. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, that's not really a brag. Get out!
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
♪
- [OLIVER SIGHS]
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
[SIGHS]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Come in.
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Hello.
You took something from my apartment.
Didn't you?
Yes, I did.
And I shouldn't have.
OLIVER [SIGHING]: Here.
You don't owe me any explanation.
I mean,
sure, th-the book is a little odd,
but, uh,
th-th-the point is,
y-y-you don't need to tell me.
Thank you.
[SHARP INHALE]
See, this is where you jump in
a-and tell the story behind the book,
so we can move on and
never speak of it again.
You don't trust me.
Of course, I trust you.
I-I was confused.
But it's not like I think
you're the killer.
[WEAK LAUGH]
In fact, Mabel thinks it's Dickie,
and Mabel's never wrong.
Except when she suggested
that I remove the singing
crab people from the show.
- I mean, that's just lunacy.
- Dickie? Why Dickie?
I mean
Ben's creepy brother?
I can see it.
KT [ON PA]: Loretta to the stage
for The Nanny's Lullaby.
Loretta to the stage.
[SIGHS] So
[LORETTA SIGHS DEEPLY]
- [CONFUSED LAUGH] Uh
- Yeah, yeah.
- I gotta go.
- Yeah, got you. Just
[OLIVER SIGHS]
And then my family, they
moved down to Florida,
which was really tough on me
- [SOFT, MUFFLED SINGING]
- because my mother only has one foot
Bobo. Bobo, please.
Again, I'm gonna remind you,
this is a police interview.
Cut all that family shit out.
- Okay, okay.
- Now, focus.
WILLIAMS: Five minutes
before the curtain went up,
where were you?
- I
- Very quickly.
Oh, my God.
I just wanted to say sorry for Charles.
I-It's my fault he's acting up,
you know. I-I
I gave him a patter song,
which is theater parlance
I know what the fuck a patter song is.
Is it the Gilbert &
Sullivan thing, right?
Like Pirates of the Pen
You know what?
No! We're not doing this!
We're not doing this. Stay focused, now.
Anyway, it ratcheted up his anxiety
to a whole new level.
Now, I don't know if
you've ever hit a deer,
but in the moment before
your car makes impact,
there's a look in their eyes
And Charles is the deer. I got it.
Do you, though?
- Maybe I just stay here
- No.
until I think of the right
devastating analogy.
- Putnam?
- What?
- Get the fuck out!
- [SNORTS] Okay.
[SIGHS]
- Close the door!
- Oh, yes.
Good seeing you.
Seriously? How many rolls
of colored masking tape
does a theater need?
Where's the scotch tape?
LORETTA: Hey.
That's spike tape. I got you. Here.
I never go anywhere without it.
Side gig as a professional gift wrapper.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So, um
Oliver says that you're investigating.
So I thought, "Hm.
Maybe I should find out
what your theory is and lend a hand?"
You know, killers sometimes
insert themselves
into investigations.
Oh. [LAUGHS] That's really funny.
No! No, I just really wanna help.
I mean, this show means the world to me.
God, it's supposed to be
my Broadway debut.
[SCOFFS] For God's sake.
Took me long enough.
- [INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP]
- [STAGE CHATTER]
There's nothing wrong
with being a late bloomer.
I'm one myself.
Hmm.
I'm looking at Dickie.
- Oh, you don't want it to be him, do you?
- [LORETTA GASPS]
I mean, I know you have
a relationship with him.
What do Wh-What do you mean?
Isn't he your manager or something?
Oh, yeah! He [LAUGHS]
Yeah, he's my m
Of course, I don't want it to be him,
but I also don't think he did it.
I mean, Dickie's just a really good kid.
Isn't he, like, 50?
Yeah, he's a child.
Well, but what about poison?
You know, not to be sexist,
but that is more a woman's method.
Well, Dickie was in
charge of Ben's food.
Could be easy and convenient.
Uh, yeah, but before
we pin it on him, [SIGHS]
you should know that
there is a cast of
much odder characters around this show.
I'm just gonna throw a name out. Bobo.
We don't really know Bobo, do we?
I mean, he's the comic relief,
but, um, is the comedy
hiding something sinister?
I thought poison was a woman's method.
Oh, yeah. Right, right. So
Mm, KT! What a bitch.
- Could be
- [MABEL SIGHS]
I'm just trying to, um,
picture Dickie as a murderer, and, um
Uh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
[WEAK LAUGH]
And no. I can't.
Sorry.
I just can't picture it.
Thanks.
[LORETTA GROANS]
KT [ON PA]: Charles-Haden Savage
to the stage
for The Pickwick Triplets.
God help us all.
♪
I really have to do the whole thing?
Yes. All two minutes, 46 seconds.
No White Room.
No fake migraine one verse in.
[OLIVER SIGHS]
[VIOLIN WARMING UP]
Hi. [NERVOUS LAUGH]
Uh Okay, here we go.
Just watch. Just watch.
[WARMING UP STOPS]
[ORCHESTRA STARTS PLAYING]
CHARLES [SINGING]:
Three little babes ♪
In their bassinets ♪
Angelic little triplets ♪
Or triple threats? ♪
They might have fooled the others ♪
But they won't fool me ♪
It's time to give these
teething, seething three ♪
The third degree ♪
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING JAUNTY TUNE]
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Who of the crew would
commit this crime? ♪
Might a little brat
make a mommy go splat? ♪
It's a story pretty gory
for a nursery rhyme ♪
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Which of the spawn
had the brawn to kill? ♪
Will a baby get tried for matricide? ♪
Coochie-coochie coo ♪
Time for you or you
or you to admit it ♪
So, quick as a whip ♪
Gotta pick which Pickwick
Triplet did it ♪
[ORCHESTRA SLOWS TEMPO]
Penelope in pink sure
is making quite a stink ♪
Is she trying to
throw me off the scent? ♪
Though she bats her little eyes ♪
Is she a killer in disguise? ♪
With a diaper full
of criminal intent ♪
Preening Patrick is pernicious ♪
With an appetite so vicious ♪
He would bite the hand
that feeds him with a sneer ♪
[MABEL AND HOWARD CHATTERING]
But could that rotten tot ♪
Be behind this evil plot? ♪
Baby-stepping towards
a murderous career ♪
Pouty little Paco's looking coy ♪
But he's a bad, bad boy ♪
Could Paco's passion
prove apocalyptic? ♪
Is that something?
With his paci and his rattle ♪
Did this pisher go to battle? ♪
Proving he's the perp amidst
this Pickwick triptych ♪
In this picaresque puzzle
of the Pickwick pack ♪
Will a lighthouse shed some light ♪
On which kid gave ol' Mom a whack? ♪
There's an infant to indict ♪
I'll book this little crook tonight ♪
But, which of
the Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
Who of the crew would
commit this crime? ♪
Which little brat
made Mommy go splat? ♪
Which crib, which sib
will be doing hard time? ♪
Which of the Pickwick
Triplets did it? ♪
Which little putz
had the guts to kill? ♪
Like a forensic pediatrician ♪
I'll complete this inquisition ♪
I will name the neonatal ♪
From the cradle that proved fatal ♪
I will find the perpetrator ♪
Who did murder to their maker ♪
[QUIETLY] What's up?
[QUIETLY] I can't do dinner tonight.
The cops said they need to talk to me.
Why? What about?
It can't be good.
Or coochie-coochie coo ♪
[WHIMSICAL NOTES PLAY]
What if none of it is true? ♪
♪
Has my inspection been too cursory? ♪
Should I look outside this nursery? ♪
What if none of
the Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
Who'd have had a menacing
motive and hid it? ♪
Who? Who? Who? ♪
Well, I pick ♪
You! ♪
[JAUNTY CRESCENDO PLAYS]
[RUSTLING]
There probably wasn't
anything important in here.
It was a dumb idea.
- I'm full of them.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, wow. Don't even
push back. [CHUCKLES]
But, fair. Don't coddle me.
MABEL: Hey
You were right.
Our killer might have stood
right here on opening night.
There's something important in there,
and only you can find it.
I don't know if I can.
Howard, what are
the words in "determined"?
"Tired". "Denied".
- Keep going.
- "Remedied".
♪
"Redeem".
"Me".
Oh. That worked better than I expected.
See? You can do this.
I did find this.
That's the date of opening night.
Okay, find all the other pieces
with the same font.
Who knows, you might get
a spot on the podcast.
I can be on the podcast?
I said "might" and
"who knows". [GIGGLES]
[DOOR OPENS]
I'm gonna need a lot more fucking tape.
[DOOR SHUTS]
- Here she comes.
- Alright.
So! I'm assuming no luck with Williams?
Funny, isn't it? The way she doubts us.
Oh, she thinks we're fools.
But that's only because we're
so skilled at playing them.
Weird flex, but okay.
We have the interrogations on tape.
On tape?
Charles, let's bring
the lady up to speed.
Well, I went in first
making Williams
think I was just an idiot
trying to eavesdrop.
But, really, I was piquing her interest.
For, you see,
Detective Williams is a theater nut.
[SINGING] Which of the
Pickwick Triplets did it? ♪
OLIVER: We knew she'd be
interested in a patter song,
and doubly so if it involved Charles
absolutely humiliating himself.
Now, I don't know
if you've ever hit a deer
So, I painted a picture
of just how tragic Charles was on stage.
CHARLES: The bait was set.
♪
You need to get me
the time to sneak past
this phalanx of coppers
so I can set it all up.
- I've got this.
- Okay.
I just have to say one
word after another.
One word, yes.
Faster than any human ever should.
Uh-huh.
OLIVER: She took it,
and the interrogation room
was left unattended.
[SNIFFS]
[SIGHS] Okay
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
CHARLES: Of course, in order
to give Oliver the time needed,
I had to get through all of it.
OLIVER: Didn't miss a word.
So, you're saying,
with Tobert's GoPro
We recorded everything.
All the big interrogations.
Oh, my God! That sounds
so unnecessarily complicated,
but you guys actually did it.
Uh-huh.
You know what this calls for.
♪
Wanna make a podcast with me?
Oh, my God, this is corny.
- So corny.
- [LAUGHS] I know, it is.
So, so corny.
But it was, it was good. It was cute.
- It's fun, yeah.
- It's cute.
- Murder?
- Yeah.
Murder, yeah.
[DEEP BREATHING]
[GAGGING, VOMITING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
- [SIGHS]
- [RUNS WATER]
- [SNIFFLING, SIGHS]
- [DONNA CLEARS THROAT]
Nerves. [WEAK LAUGH]
LORETTA: Yeah.
Forty years in show business,
and I've still got 'em.
LORETTA: Who doesn't? [LAUGHS]
[LORETTA SIGHS DEEPLY]
- [SNIFFLES]
- Is everything alright, dear?
Oh. Yeah. I just have
some nerves of my own.
- [LAUGHS, SNIFFS]
- Of course.
You saw Maxine Spear
out there, I take it.
LORETTA: Mm-hmm.
[SPRITZES]
It's quite a big swing
we've taken with this show,
trying to save it. [SIGHS]
I don't know that I would've hung on
- if it weren't for Cliff.
- Mm-hmm.
- His first show.
- I know. [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] As a mother, you can't help it.
You spend your whole life
looking out for your child.
It never stops.
And you'll do anything
to make sure they're okay.
Mm hmm.
♪
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
[HEAVY BREATHS]
The final number's next, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, where's Loretta?
We're looking for her.
I do hope you find her.
She's really quite
extraordinary, Oliver.
So you like what you're seeing?
Well, when I last saw
this show in previews,
I thought there was no hope,
and when I heard
you were making it into a musical,
I got so excited
that I was gonna savage
your toe-tapping dreams.
But this, this, this, this
is pure Oliver Putnam.
Uh, tell me, Maxine, does it sing?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
You'll have to wait for my review.
♪
[QUIET LOBBY CHATTER]
[GASPS] Oh. Here you are.
Hey, shouldn't you be getting ready
for your big final number?
Oh yeah.
Something about being
back in this theater.
I just keep thinking about
Opening night? I know.
I keep thinking about
the fight I had with Ben
right before he
You know, he said I was dead to him.
Look, you c-couldn't have known that
No, it's not that. I'm not
upset I hurt his feelings.
- He was a prick.
- [WEAK LAUGH]
I just knew the next morning,
he'd rope me back in.
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- But when he was gone,
for those few brief moments, I just
I felt free.
♪
And then he was back.
I was trapped again.
I couldn't take it anymore.
You understand?
- Of course, I do.
- [PA CLICKS]
KT [ON PA]: Loretta to the stage
for The Sake of a Child.
Loretta to the stage.
Was there something
you needed to say to me?
Oh
Mm-mm.
You didn't deserve this.
None of this ever should have happened.
It's not your fault.
You are the best part about
these last few months for me.
♪
Oh
[WEAK LAUGH]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Loretta, Loretta, U-Uh, c-can I
- Yeah.
- Give me just one s Thanks.
[CLEARS THROAT] We're gonna start
with your part of the song.
- And just focus
- Okay, not Jonathan?
Yeah, well, we'll do
that in a little bit, um
[SIGHS] And listen to me.
I know that you're upset with me.
And that's fine. That's fine.
But, I-I need to say
that I do trust you.
And I-I don't care about the book.
I don't care about any of it.
I just wanna be with you.
To do our show.
Excuse me, our hit show,
and go home to your
funny little apartment
and just fall asleep in your arms.
- Oliver, you don't have to
- No, I do.
♪
And there's more.
[SIGHS] And it's a biggie.
I love you.
Wow, I haven't said
those words in a minute.
But you know what? It felt right.
So I'm gonna say it again. Here it goes.
I love you.
HOWARD: Loretta!
We need you up here, please.
Okay, well
- [LORETTA SIGHS]
- break a leg.
- HOWARD: Clock is ticking.
- LORETTA: Coming.
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]
[CONDUCTOR TAPS BATON]
[CELLOS PLAY INTENSE INTRO]
[SINGING] A nanny's only duty
is to the children ♪
♪
To keep them swaddled in
the safety of her care ♪
Ooh
LORETTA: With a fierce and iron will ♪
[LORETTA CLEARS THROAT]
She would fight, and she would kill ♪
If she's poked, she'll be provoke ♪
And like ♪
- LORETTA: [MUMBLES, LAUGHS] I'm so sorry.
- CHARLES: Huh.
LORETTA: I can't hear the, um, rhythm.
Can I just have the piano
in the orchestra?
Like, I can't hear the rhythm.
And then, I'll come in on the
- [FORCEFUL PIANO PLAYS]
- Yeah.
[SINGING] A nanny keeps her
patience under pressure ♪
[PIANO MUSIC BUILDS]
Forceful and resourceful as can be ♪
No matter what you
might hurl toward her ♪
She keeps the goddamn house in order ♪
[INHALES]
But if you want those kids ♪
- You have to go through ♪
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Me ♪
[FULL ORCHESTRA JOINS]
MABEL: Charles
these aren't photos of Ben.
They're photos of Dickie.
[SINGING] For the sake of a child ♪
I'd give my life completely ♪
For the sake of a child ♪
To Hell and back I'd go ♪
No, I won't bend and I won't break ♪
There are precious lives at stake ♪
I'll die before I'd ever let him go ♪
No! ♪
For the sake, no! For the sake ♪
Stop! For the sake, wait! ♪
Sorry! [GASPS]
I did it.
- I killed Ben.
- [SHOCKED GASPS]
I put poison in his
disgusting protein drink
just before we went
on stage opening night.
And then when that didn't work,
he showed up at the party,
and I I pushed him
down the elevator shaft.
Loretta, no. No, no!
I'm not gonna let another innocent man
go to jail for what I did.
- [SHOCKED MURMURING]
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- OLIVER: Please don't do this!
- WILLIAMS: Damn.
I stayed for the drama,
but you definitely brought it, Nanny.
Leave her alone! You can't
do this! [STRUGGLING]
I'm sorry, Oliver.
- I'm so sorry.
- [HANDCUFFS CLICK]
OFFICER: Come on,
you're coming with us, ma'am.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
[SHOCKED CHATTER]
[OLIVER GASPING]
Oh God.
♪
- [GRUNTING] Oh, my God.
- [HOLTER MONITOR BEEPING]
MABEL: Oliver?
- [OLIVER GROANS]
- What's going on? Oliver! Hey!
- [SHOCKED YELLING]
- Oliver, wake up.
Call somebody! Get some help!
[CONFUSED SHOUTING]
- MABEL: Can you hear me?
- CHARLES: Come on, Oliver!
Come on! Where is somebody?!
Oh, my God!
Come on, Oliver, please no!
[CHARLES GASPING]
[ECHOING] Get some help!
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
♪