Packed to the Rafters (2008) s03e08 Episode Script
Rites of Passage
NATHAN: (NARRATES) Don't ask me why, but we crazy humans really like marking the milestones in our lives.
Getting married is a big one and so is being welcomed into the world.
It's tradition to celebrate these rites of passage with family and friends - the people who love you.
Or used to.
I thought! was on track to help Chel see many more of these milestones, but that was a week ago when I thought I had all the answers.
Well, physically you've passed all the tests.
Triple-checked.
That's great.
It is.
But for the transplant to proceed, we need to go over your reasons for doing this.
Why? We've done this.
It's simple.
Just remember you've been through some pretty tough times yourself recently.
Not this again.
Well, I'm just reminding you.
A marriage break-up is a big deal.
Mmm.
Most people feel lost for a while.
As I've said, Michael, helping Chel has nothing to do with that.
Nathan, I'm on your side here.
But I've just got to make sure that you're not going into this with misplaced motivations.
What sort of misplaced? Well, if you were trying to win back your wife No.
.
.
feel better about yourself No.
.
.
validate yourself No! No.
Because this isn't something you can undo, Nathan.
This is radical surgery.
You're asking me this now'? No.
You're listening to me now.
And if you don't hear what you wanna hear'? Well, then, I can't let the transplant go ahead.
Hello.
Hey.
Hey, Mum wants everyone to bring their diaries for dinner.
OK.
Yeah.
Can you tell Ben and Mel? Yeah, sure.
How did it go with the counsellor'? I thought Mum banned you hassling me about this.
I'm being Supportive Big Sister.
Yeah, well, the coordinator's a nice guy but it waspretty full-on.
Are you OK'? Yeah.
Course.
It's just confronting and I've gotta convince him I'm doing this for the right reasons.
What do you mean? Well, I'm not doing it for the glory or to fill some emptiness in my life.
And are you? Oh, don't you start.
No, I won't.
(SIGHS) I mean, it's obvious why you're doing it, right? Apparently not.
It is gonna be OK'? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not about to leave Chel in the lurch, am I'? You still on for the pictures tomorrow'? Great.
OK, I'll see you then.
Chel says sorry she can't make it, but her schedule's clear and she'll just fit in with the rest of us.
JULIE: Great.
How was the hospital? Dad! It's not pressure.
I'm just interested.
There's nothing to talk about.
I'm passing the test.
It's going good.
It's going great.
TED: OK.
Let's get this over with.
Oh, a little enthusiasm for Ruby's naming day, please.
Naming day? (LAUGHS) Well, you did your first three the hippie way.
Can't you give me this one? We've had this argument with every baby.
A naming ceremony must've been pretty out there when Rachel was a baby.
Just felt right for us, that's all.
Yeah.
Just as meaningful.
And it leaves them free to make their own choices.
Well, that's the trouble with the world today, isn't it? Too many choices! Oh, don't worry, Grandad.
We turned out alright.
Early days yet.
(JULIE LAUGHS) Alright.
OK.
Are we ready? How about the last Saturday of next month'? NATHAN: Free.
Free.
Friend Finders.
BOTH: Working.
What about the Saturday before'? Free.
Yeah, I'm free.
Yeah, no worries.
It's my mum's birthday, but you guys go ahead.
No, no, no.
We want you and Alex and Grace there.
Ahthe Sunday the month later.
I'm free again.
Because I'm always free.
Yep.
We're good.
Yep.
Yep.
Great.
Going once.
Going twice.
Oh, wait.
No, no, no.
I've got three events on at the Boat Club.
(ALL GROAN) (RUBY owes) There she blows.
Alright.
Get back to this after we've fed madam.
Ben, can you set the table, please? How do you think he seems? Nathan? Yeah.
Something's not quite right.
He had a psych assessment today.
What do you reckon? He'd tell us, wouldn't he, if he was having second thoughts'? Well, yeah.
That's what we agreed.
I hope we haven't put too much pressure on him.
Oh I know, it's just that the father in me wishes that he'd never even started but the son in me Well, maybe we should hold off on the naming day ceremony until we know the state of play.
And Chel won't get any better in the meantime.
No.
Nah.
I've got a better idea.
Next Saturday? Yes.
As in one week'? Yeah, and it's non-negotiable.
That's not enough time to organise it.
I've got functions at work.
I can't just leave them in the lurch.
I'll say this one last time.
I'm sure the church could make Ted! Rachel, it's enough time to get family and close friends together.
Ben, you're the boss - work it out.
Dad, we all believe in the same thing, it's just a different name.
And it fits in with Chel's dialysis, which is the main thing.
Do you have anything else to add to the naming day controversy? Just that I'd like to invite Sammy.
Yeah, course.
I'll ask her tomorrow.
So there's no godparents or anything? We call them guardians.
And do you know who they are? Yes.
Or how many'? Mm-hm.
Have you asked any of them? Do we need to? Yeah.
Well, Rita's gonna have to book her flight back from Greece.
Warney might have something on that weekend.
That's hilarious.
Oh, alright.
Would you three please be Ruby's guardians? We would be honoured.
Hold it - do these guardians get swords or shields or magical powers? No.
General dragon-slaying equipment? No.
Cash? Could you eat your dinner, please? Dad, can we start? Another Rafter bites the dust.
So I'm guessing you won't be at the naming day.
I'm the most important guest there, the presence of a good baptised boy.
Here we go.
Might score Rubes some points with the big guy.
So even if you're a good person, that doesn't cut it in your world, Carbo? Yeah, sure, you can still get in, but if you haven't been dunked, there's no guarantees.
What?! Goodnight.
'Night.
'Night.
'Night, devil spawn.
Carbo! You should have heard him when we were kids - saying I'd go to hell, that I should be burned at the stake.
It's not funny, Mel.
He used to put curses on me.
It used to work when I was five.
(MOANS) Get away, you freak! See - still running scared.
You know, as guardian, you might have to teach Ruby some of your amazing defence techniques.
What about our kids? Our kids? Yeah.
You're christened.
I'm not.
What are our kids gonna be'? Uh, let's save that argument for the very distant future.
How distant? Oooh.
Nope, can't see anything just yet.
What about this one? Traciee Green.
'Traciee' with an 'I' and a double 'E'? Ew! Sounds free-spirited.
Oh, a naming day officiated by someone who can't even spell.
I don't think so.
Why do we even need a celebrant anyway? We've never had one before.
Honestly, a celebrant will ensure the whole day runs smoothly.
Wouldn't it make it too formal'? No, not if you don't want it to.
And you've gotta roll with the times.
OK.
I'm rolling, I'm rolling.
Speaking of, are those sausage rolls for the party? Yeah.
I'm gonna freeze them.
Oh, and I want you to do those horseradishy things.
Yeah, OK.
Are they the fancy ones or the other ones? They're the fancy ones.
Good.
Continue.
Um, Jake, did you actually hear me put Rachel in charge? When you made her guardian, you created a monster.
I'm a caring monster.
(SNARLS) Dad.
Dad, what do you think? Binti Bloom? (LAUGHS) What parent would name a child that'? Parents of a future celebrant, apparently.
Celebrant? We're rolling with the times.
Look - she's non-denominational, she's 'Your day, your way' and she's free.
Now we're talking.
No, I meant as in available.
So Traciee Green's out, but Binti Bloom's fine? Yeah.
Binti Bloom, Rachel Rafter, Ruby Rafter.
See, can't resist alliteration.
How's Chel? Oh, you know what Chel's like.
Cracked a lot of jokes, but she seemed exhausted.
She really needs this operation.
Yeah.
SAM MY: Sorry I'm late.
Again.
That's cool.
Do you want a coffee? No, I can't.
I've gotta run.
Oh, OK.
Mum and Dad are having a naming ceremony on Saturday and I'd like you to come.
What? Umyeah.
I'm not sure.
You're busy? No.
I justdon't want it to be awkward.
It won't.
Well, it doesn't have to be.
Nathanwhy do you want me to be there? It's not just me.
It would mean a lot to everyone.
Yeah, but I don't have a role in your family anymore.
So we all just stop caring about you - is that it? No, it's justit can't be like it was.
Are you alright? Yeah, of course.
Are you sure? Yes.
Why? Ben said you've got something going on.
Something medical.
What is it? Nathan It's nothing.
He shouldn't have said anything.
What? You know how Chel needs a new kidney? Yeah? You're gonna be the donor? Mmm.
That's the plan.
Really? What? Nathan, that is really amazing.
I am so proud of you.
I should get going.
So Saturday? Yeah.
You'll come? Yeah, I'd love to.
Just let me know what time.
Great.
I will.
Honestly, I think what you're doing for Chel isincredible.
Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
NATHAN: And then I realised my coordinator was right - I still wanted Sammy's approval.
I was doing this for me.
OK, so there's paper, paint, glue, glitter, and you're gonna want to make the letters big, OK'? Like, huge, 'cause it's the centre point of the entire ceremony.
Um, why are you telling us if we're doing this together? We are, but I have to pick Jake up from a job first, so if you guys could make a start, that'd be great.
Sure.
Oooh, Nathan.
You know those horseradishy things I do? Yep - can you please make them for the naming day? Yep.
I guess.
So what exactly are you doing? Excuse me? I'm finding a celebrant, I'm writing a speech We all have to write a speech, Rachel.
I sourced all this material, Ben.
From the cupboard next door.
I am masterminding the entire event, Ben.
So, in other words, nothing.
So, if it's alright with you, before we get started, I'm going to eat my breakfast.
(DOOR CLOSES) The coordinator was right.
What? I told Sammy and I felt like a hero.
Yeah, butwell, that's just a nice side effect, yeah? Yeah, but what if it's the underlying reason? I mean, how selfish does that make me? No, Nathan, you've gotta stop saying that.
You're not selfish.
She wasn't even coming to the naming day and Oh, bloody hell.
Oh.
Maybe that's why I told her.
To try and win her over.
How pathetic is that'? Nathan No, it was.
It was.
It was to try and make myself feel better and to validate myself and Nathan, you have to stop.
What you're doing is a good thing, OK'? Sorry.
I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.
I'll figure it out.
See - now, a selfish person wouldn't say that, would they? If you really want to do this, you'll find a way.
I know you will.
I don't know about this movie.
I thought you wanted to see it.
Oh, you know.
The plot just doesn't grab me.
What's it about? Two friends, you see.
One doesn't want the other to know she's feeling a bit under the weather because she doesn't want to let him down.
What a martyr.
Yeah, well, the twist is that when he discovers she's just dragging herself out for his sake, he feels even more let down.
Maybe she was just hoping that she'd come good again.
And he appreciates that.
But it's not gonna happen, is it? I can't, Ted.
Not today.
Come on.
Back inside.
Put your feet up and watch the midday movie until it's time for your appointment.
I thought you were going to the movies.
Change of plans, mate.
Chel's bunkered down on the couch.
Is she sick? Oh, no.
She's just resting up before her treatment.
Right.
I think she's bunging it on, myself, mate.
She always did hate action movies.
(LAUGHS) Hey, Grandad, do you reckon I could take her to the hospital? You sure? It's a long few hours.
Yeah, I just thought it might help if I can get a feel for what she's going through, you know'? Help what? Nothing.
Bad choice of words.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, no worries.
Yeah? OK.
Great.
Thanks.
This is gonna look so cute.
MEL: Yeah.
I'm excited.
I wasn't there for Rachel's and I was too young to remember Nathan's.
Yeah, it's funny - all this effort and Ruby's not gonna remember hers either.
Ha - kind of like me and our wedding.
Jokes.
Jokes.
(GIGGLES) One day we'll be doing this for our kids.
Mmm.
Hey? Hey? So when's it gonna be'? In a year's time? Oh, freezing! Two years? Still cold.
Five years? Brrrrrrr! Oh, come on.
We can't wait more than five years.
Oh, don't you want to just enjoy being married for a while? Yeah, but I don't want to leave it too long to start a family either.
CARBO: Who's starting a family? No-one.
It's good you guys are talking about it.
You're not getting any younger.
Oh, you can talk.
What? At least I'm not going grey.
Neither am I.
Oh, yeah'? Arggh! Jeez! What's this? (GASPS) Are there any more'? Get 'em off! Get 'em off! You do know if you pluck a grey hair, six more will come to its funeral.
It's too late now.
You've already plucked it! (GASPS) I forgot.
Must be my age.
Don't worry about grey hairs, Carbo.
Everybody gets them.
Yeah, rite of passage.
Not at my age! Why me? (GIGGLES) Warmer.
This can't be happening.
Aha! Ohhh! Hey.
Hey, Al.
What's up with you? Hev- Hey Oooh, look at you.
Where are you off to? Lunch.
Lunch, eh? Who might that be with? Doug? Mum is allowed to have some fun.
I'm not stopping her.
Yes, you are, mate.
You're sulking.
Cut it out.
Oh, Jake, don't.
You'll just make it worse.
Um, hey, Mum wants to invite you and Alex and Doug to the naming day next Saturday for Ruby.
Oh, that's lovely.
Thanks.
Alex, can you make it? AI.
Depends.
Alex, I've told you - I'm just going out to lunch and I won't be late.
You want me to pick up a DVD on the way home? Don't worry.
I'm going out.
Where to? Just out.
Maybe I should take it slower with Doug.
Just give your brother a chance to get used to it.
You go out once a week, if that.
Yeah.
No, you go and you know what? We were gonna hang here anyway, so that way he won't come home to an empty house.
Thanks, Rachel.
Bye, love.
Bye.
See ya.
(DOORBELL RINGS) You must be Dave.
Yes, I am.
Binti Bloom.
Hi.
Umcome in.
Hi.
I'm Julie.
Binti.
It's a pleasure.
I just put Ruby down for a nap.
Oh, what a shame I won't get to meet the little darling.
Uh, take a seat.
Would you like a tea or a coffee? Oh, lovely.
Which one? Oh, juice.
Well, we've never used a celebrant before so we're not quite sure what to expect.
Oh, first-timers, eh? Look, nothing to worry about.
You're in very, very, very experienced hands.
Oh, so you've done a lot of naming days? Mmm.
Now, where would you like me? Somewhere over here? (BI NTI PANTS H EAVI LY) (BINTI GRUNTS) (WHINES) (STRAINS) (SMACKS LIPS) âI'm here!" I feel it's important to vocalise that line for the audience.
The audience? Old habits die hard.
I used to perform on the stage.
Really? Mmm.
Now the mime segues into the dance.
The dance? Hi-ya-ya, hi-ya-ya-Va! Hoo! Hoo! It's based on a Hopi Indian ritual.
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh.
Wh-wh-ha-ha-ha.
Ohhh.
Actually, BintiBinti, we really have to be somewhere.
Yes, yes.
So what we'll do is we'll call you after we've made our decision.
Why does everyone always say that'? You know, for the price of a celebrant, you get a one-woman show.
We don't want a show, we just want a nice day for Ruby.
Who? Thanks for coming.
Drive carefully.
JULIE: Yeah.
Bye.
(LAUGHS) I'm gonna kill Rachel.
Stand in line.
Gonna come in for a cuppa or you gonna hit the strip clubs up the Cross? (LAUGHS) No, I think I better keep going.
But, uh, say hello to Tiffany for me if you see her.
How'd you go with Michael? Not a lot gets past him.
No.
No, he's put me through the wringer.
Mmm.
Me too.
Been prodded and poked for quite a while now, me and you.
Yeah.
I guess we have.
Don't do it.
What? This whole thing.
No, Chel, I No, I can see it's weighing on you.
It's weighing on me.
It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just that I'm I don't know, I guess I'm scared of failing.
Well, that's the thing - scared of failing, scared of success - it's not fair that you're scared at all.
There's no shame in walking away.
I'm doing this, Chel.
OK'? End of story.
Now get outta here.
(LAUGHS) See you soon, yeah? Yeah.
Bye.
NATHAN: I sounded so confident.
But inside, I wasn't fooling anyone.
Alright.
Thanks, mate.
He was at the local, but he left a couple of hours ago.
What state was he in'? Oh Jake! He'd had a few.
Great.
And what if he went somewhere they don't know him? You know what a target he is.
He makes friends wherever he goes.
Not in this mood he doesn't.
I should've known he'd react like this.
Mum! Well, you couldn't handle it.
Why should he? But I got over it.
This has been weeks! All your lives you've had me to yourselves.
Then I suddenly go and change the ground rules and just expect everyone else to adapt.
No.
No, he shook things up by heading to NZ.
I might get out of your hair.
No, you don't have to, babe.
No, this is family stuff.
I'm sorry, Rachel.
It's fine.
Let me know if there's anything I can do, OK'? I'll walk you to the door.
It's cool.
You stay with your mum.
He'll come home safe and sound.
I know he will.
Yeah.
Then I'll kill him.
(sossnue) (SNIFFS) Alex? I'm not going inside and you can't make me.
You're drunk.
How can you tell'? Come on.
Let me take you inside.
Your mum is really worried about you.
She doesn't care about me.
If she did, she'd drop that bloke.
Hey, you have to listen to me, OK'? You cannot ask that of her.
You know you can't.
Everybody's got someone except for me.
No, that's not true.
I'm just in the way.
You are not in the way.
You are so loved by (VOMITS) There you go.
He's asleep.
So.
.
.
how are we going to deal with this in the morning'? Cooling things with Doug isn't gonna help anybody.
Well, I'm not gonna ignore Alex's feelings.
But you're allowed to be happy, Mum.
Yes.
So is Alex.
But he can't be unless you are.
Not really.
Sorry, but I think he does want you to be happy.
You know, he's just He's lonely.
It's been just the three of us for always.
And now that's changing.
He just He needs time to adjust.
That's all.
RACHEL: Hey! Hey.
I thought you were staying at Jake's tonight.
Yeah, I was.
I left them to their family stuff, though.
Oh.
Everything OK'? It will be.
I've got no idea how many of them are gonna come to the naming day, though.
Oh, that's alright.
There'll be enough.
I've overcatered, as usual.
Hey, how was Binti? (SWITCHES OFF TELEVISION) You set us up, didn't you? I'm sorry? There's no way you could've looked at that website and not known what was in store.
I didn't click on any of the links.
Why? We got one word for you, Rachel.
Mime.
No! Yeah.
Then interpretive dance.
The journey through the birth canal, into the world.
(SMACKS LIPS) âI'm here!" Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding? Sadly, no.
Oh, I wish I'd seen it! Unfortunately, I can't get it out of my mind.
Gosh, Jake was really off with her.
Oh, so now it was Jake's idea, was it? This is actually a disaster.
How are we going to find a celebrant in time? No, doesn't matter.
Oh We'll do it ourselves like we always have.
Who better to introduce Ruby to the world than her parents? The guardian doesn't approve? I just think a celebrant would write something for Ruby that's poignant Ah.
.
.
and moving.
And not, um, not What? Embarrassing.
Oh! You don't think I can do moving? No, I I wrote some pretty decent songs in my life, you know'? (LAUGHS) OK.
(LAUGHS) Suburban Boy? Are you gonna break it to him or should I'? Alright, you just laugh it up.
Come the ceremony, there won't be a dry eye in the house.
Mark my words.
Oh, no.
We'll be crying, Dad.
Don't worry about that! JULIE: That was funny.
You! Plucker! This is your fault! What? You said they'd come to the funeral, and they did! Six of 'em! Look! I can only see two.
That's the worst part of it.
There's four more albinos downstairs.
Look.
No! You'll give us nightmares.
Oh! Don't! Come on! Nightmares? Hey, I'm living a nightmare.
You're just ageing like the rest of us.
Nah, not Carbo.
Carbo Karandonis does not age.
(DOOR SHUTS) BEN: Hey.
How's Chel? Yeah, she's OK.
Hey, Nathan, you can see 'em, right? What the hell is wrong with you? That is the last image I need before I go to bed.
I'll leave you guys to it.
Help me! Just pluck them.
I'll have hundreds by the morning.
Then dye them.
No - I'll look like a tragic uncle at an Italian wedding with dye running down his face.
Thenjust shave it.
No way! Then leave it.
What? These are my options? I'm bald, grey or tragic.
Oh, it's not true, Carbo.
No matter what you do, you'll always betragic.
ORTS) (SN (LAUGHS) 'R' is for 'rascally', 'rampant', 'robotic'.
Not a whole lot of poetic words starting with 'R'.
Oh, rubbish.
That's not poetic.
No, no, I mean, what about 'radiant'? 'Resplendent'.
'Raunchy'.
'Risque'.
Oi! Stop distracting.
I've still got three letters to go.
Oh.
Lucky her name's not Clementine Hermione.
'U' is for Don't you think you should be writing a bit more from the heart'? Jules, finding words to match the letters in her name is fun.
But you've never done it like this with the other kids.
That's because I didn't think of it, did I? Rachel wants poignant.
Emotional.
Well, this is.
Listen.
(READS) 'U' is for 'unstoppable', 'untamed'.
'U little ripper'.
What? I'm trying to figure out if you're joking or not.
It's a work in progress.
I promise you, the finished product will make you blubber.
Mmm.
Blubber.
'B' is for 'blubber' because that's what I do every time I look at you.
Now I know you're joking.
Jules, of course it'll be from the heart.
It's far too important to be anything else.
But the eldest daughter doesn't need to know that, does she? Ooh.
Sneaky.
Hey? 'D' is for Dave.
'Devious', 'deceptive'.
(IMITATES SEAN CONNERY) And damn sexy, Miss Moneypenny.
Alright.
Gotta get back to it.
No, you don't! You got any dark hair dye? I ran out this morning.
I knew it was a long shot, but Carbo's desperate.
You OK'? Hmm'? Is it Chel? Did something happen at dialysis? No, no.
Soon she won't have to go anymore.
You're doing a great thing.
Shut up, Ben.
Sure.
At this stage, it doesn't look like it's going to happen at all.
What? I can't tell Chel.
I can't tell Dad.
Hey, have you changed your mind? No, of course not.
You think I'm gonna back out? No.
I'm failing the psych test.
The coordinator doesn't trust my reasons.
I'm not sure I do anymore.
What other reason is there? 'Cause it makes me feel better, makes me feel good about myself.
Andit saves Chel's life.
Apparently that's not good enough.
Well, I don't know what to say.
That makes two of us, Ben.
It's not over yet.
You've got other sessions with this guy, right? Mmm.
Just turn it around.
Pull something out.
Dig deep.
Whatever else our footy coach used to say.
Sure, Ben.
No worries.
Just don't give up yet is what I mean.
What? Must be great being you.
Everything3 so simple.
'Simple' is there's gotta be another solution.
Don't take this as patronising or anything, but as the older brother in the room Here it comes.
you're growing up.
Alright.
I'm serious.
You are.
NATHAN: A week later and definite progress had been made.
Mum had project-managed the naming ceremony, allowing Rachel to believe she had.
Oh, and Carbo's grey-hair problem had been dealt with - plucked on top and dyed down below.
(RUBY owes) Hey, mate, can you see if you can settle her, please? Allow me! Hello! Thank you.
Just a bit grizzly.
Come on, Rubes.
You can't grizzle all through your big day.
Shh-shh-shh.
.
R,_ 'R' is for 'wriggly'.
WriQQW! Yes! Dad, that's 'W'.
Mum, you have to stop him.
Stop him! Oh, what, and stifle creativity? No! Mum, it's Whoo-hoo! And that was a V8.
The six-cylinder's more of a hollow sound, like this - boom-boom-boom-boom-boom! Mmm? You hear the difference, yeah? That's the first time she's stopped grizzling all day.
That's because she can sense I'm a good baptised boy and wants to join the club, yes! Well, thanks, Nick.
Right now she's going to join the Rafter club.
CARBO: OK.
JULIE: Ohhh! Alright, sweetie.
Oh! Alright.
(GRIZZLES) Ahooh, OK.
Yes, you can go back to Nick when we get to the park.
(SCREAMS) Hey, Nathan.
Can I grab a lift with you? Yeah, of course.
Come on.
Give you a chance to explain those premature worry lines.
Oh, blame Dad! It's bad genes.
Oh, his genes are alright! (BOTH LAUGH) What I said last week, I meant.
Yeah, I know.
And I meant what I said.
But I still could get knocked back.
It had nothing to do with bad genes.
I know.
And if that's what happens, then it was never meant to be.
Are you right? OK.
Yeah.
NATHAN: But for some of us, some things are unchanged.
JULIE: Oh, hello! SAMMY: Hi.
Hey.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming.
And this is for Ruby.
DAVE: Cheers.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh! Hi.
Thanks for coming.
It means a lot.
I wouldn't have missed it.
Oh, I heard about you and Nathan.
I think it's really wonderful.
Oh, please don't.
Do you want to grab a drink? Sure.
So, what's this? This is Chel's gift to Ruby.
A Josephine lily.
Ah! You didn't have to.
Mate, you have no idea how many garden shops she rang to find one of these.
Sorry, what is it? Well, there's nothing yet.
It won't even flower for 15 years.
Oh! Even if she doesn't remember me, she will be reminded of how blessed I felt to have been in her life.
JULIE: Well, hopefully you'll be here to remind her yourself.
Thank you.
It's a beautiful thought.
Jake's here! Happy naming day! Whee! Hey.
Hi.
Thanks for inviting us.
Oh! Thanks for coming.
Hey, where's Doug? Oh, um Hey, Jake.
Hey.
So, come through.
Hi, Alex.
Come through.
You look beautiful.
Thanks for coming.
Brrrr! Brrr! Going to have to wean her off you, I'm afraid.
We're about to get started.
OK.
Here we go.
Hey, sweetie.
Now, she likes the V8 the best, but you don't want to overdo it.
Don't want to flood the engine.
OK.
(CRIES) Oh! Oh, no! Oh, it looks so wonderful! Oh, yeah, thanks.
It's great.
Yeah, everyone did their bit.
Yeah, yeah, it was a real team effort.
What did you do again? Oh, I'm not after any credit, Ben.
Gotta go mingle! A Fantale? That's a really good look.
I can't help it! I got a rash from the.
.
.
hair dye.
Carbo, just embrace it! Think George Clooney.
Up here's one thing, but down there? No snow below! Hey- Hey- Hey, so what's the story? ls Doug off the scene for good or'? No, not officially.
But that's how it'll end up.
He makes baby so unhappy.
Get stuffed! Ohhh! Your mum's allowed a life of her own, isn't she? Yeah.
When? Come on - when? You can't be like Ruby all your life, mate.
Oh! He's got to stand on his own two feet sometime! You can talk, hey? You're still living at home with Mummy too, yeah? Hey! Hey! Maybe that means you'll both have to give her a bit of space sometime.
Hmm'? OK, everyone, let's gather round.
We might just have a small window of opportunity while the guest of honour is still in the mood.
Er, hey, umdo you have a second to meet up tomorrow'? Any reason in particular? Well, yeah, I just thought we should talk but it's kind of hard here.
OK.
Well, just text me where and when.
JULIE: OK.
Can we have the guardians to the front, please? Ooh.
Looks like I'm up.
BEN: Little Ruby, I promise I will always protect you, and I'll teach you to value things in life that money can't buy.
I'll teach you you get out of life what you put into it and I promise that as long as I live, you'll never be lonely.
Ruby, I'll always be there to catch you if you fall.
I'll always stand by you and try never to let you down.
Well, we're very thankful that Ruby has you all in her life.
And, Nick, if she ever needs spiritual guidance of the orthodox kind, you're the man.
(LAUGHS) And, Dad, we know that you'll continue to always make sure that we stay on the straight and narrow.
So, Dave's now written something very special.
DAVE: Yeah, um (CLEARS THROAT) Rachel, could you prompt me if I forget it? Thanks.
Ruby, I, er I certainly can't say that you're not full of surprises.
When we discovered that we were having you, that was a surprise.
Didn't see that one coming, believe me.
And your name, well, that was a surprise too, but it just seemed to fit.
Since then, I've done a little bit of research and Ruby means 'precious gem that brings light into everyone's lives', and looking around here at all the loved ones who will be looking out for you, it's no wonder that that's the meaning of the word.
No surprises there.
I, erl guess on a basic level, our gift to you is life.
But you give us something just as amazing in return - just simply by the act of loving you, we receive so much.
That's what love's all about - giving and receiving.
So, to Ruby.
ALL: To Ruby.
(APPLAUSE) NATHAN: Little did Dad know it, but his words made everything suddenly clear.
You were right, Michael.
Part of the reason I'm doing this is for me.
I admit - it makes me feel good about myself.
But what's wrong with that'? Love's a two-way street and when you love, you get just as much back as you give out.
There's a selfish component of love that everyone feels - not just me.
I'm no different to anyone else.
And I'm not going to apologise for that or myself, anymore.
I reckon this will go really nice with those nice spotty leggings.
I think you've missed your true calling as a baby stylist, darling.
And as a celebrant.
Oh, OK, I am sorry that Oh, yes! l-l may have doubted you.
Here we go.
What you said, it was wonderful.
In fact, I'd go further than that - I'd say it was genius.
Oh! Yeah.
A true poet of the people, you know'? You've touched the heart of humanity.
It was wise and profound That's enough.
You did good, OK, old man.
Hey, enough of the 'old man'! I'm sorry! Hey.
Hey, how did you go? They said yes.
(JULIE GASPS) All approved.
Good to go.
Darling! It's happening- Thanks, Mum.
He is so brave.
That's fantastic.
It really is.
I mean, he is saving Chel's life.
Mmm.
I'm so glad it wasn't up to me to make that decision.
Me too.
Oh! I mean, I'd like to think I would if I had to.
But Yeah, I know, baby.
I know.
(SIGHS) Do you want to hear my family news? Uh-huh.
Alex is moving out of home.
What? Yeah.
For good? Well, for now, anyway, it's Oh, how is your mum'? A bit fragile.
Yeah, I bet she is.
It's not every day you lose both your sons.
You're moving out with him.
Just until he finds his feet.
Are you OK with that'? Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
L No, I think it's a great idea.
It doesn't mean that you and I won't get our own place together some day.
About a year, I reckon - tops.
Mmm.
And in a year, you might have the suburbs out of your system.
Never.
Mmm.
Inner-city living, here we come! Rachel, whatever gets you through the day.
(RUBY GURGLES) NATHAN: Ruby was welcomed into the world by the people who protect her and who she'll protect in the future.
Her rite of passage was complete.
I still had a couple more to go.
Hey, stalker.
This has got to stop.
No-one answered the door.
You want to come in'? I'm not happy, Nathan.
What, did you miss your midday movie? I wanted you to try.
I wanted you to have a clear conscience.
But you were supposed to be rejected.
It was obviously meant to be.
Don't give me that namby-pamby hippie stuff.
You invented that hippie stuff, Chel.
Nathan, this is serious.
I know.
The real gift is from you to me, Chel and I can't thank you enough.
(BOTH LAUGH) NATHAN: It's funny when you know someone so well - every smile, every gesture.
I wanted you to like me and I thought if I showed you the place where I really live, then there would be zero chance of that.
She still looked the same yet everything had changed.
(WHISPERS) I've gotta go.
Hello.
Hey.
(LAUGHS) Thanks for coming yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I'm really glad I did.
Yeah.
(SIGHS) So what is it that you have to tell me? I'm moving to London.
Right.
Yeah - for real this time.
I got in touch with that company who offered me a job before.
Oh, Nick Leigh.
Mmm.
And it turns out they've got another opening.
And now you're free.
You can head over there and live the life you were always meant to lead.
(LAUGHS) Well, I guess now's probably the right time to give you these.
Will you marry me? Yes! Yes, of course! We were so young.
We still are.
Not so young.
Older.
Maybe a little wiser.
(LAUGHS) I still love you, Sam.
I always will.
You tooas friends, you know'? Mmm.
I think that what you're doing for Chel is reallywonderful.
Thanks.
(SIGHS) Well, I'll see you round.
(WHISPERS) OK.
Bye.
Bye.
Out of all the rites of passage in life, the hardest one is to accept yourself.
(SIGHS) Even harder than saying goodbye.
Getting married is a big one and so is being welcomed into the world.
It's tradition to celebrate these rites of passage with family and friends - the people who love you.
Or used to.
I thought! was on track to help Chel see many more of these milestones, but that was a week ago when I thought I had all the answers.
Well, physically you've passed all the tests.
Triple-checked.
That's great.
It is.
But for the transplant to proceed, we need to go over your reasons for doing this.
Why? We've done this.
It's simple.
Just remember you've been through some pretty tough times yourself recently.
Not this again.
Well, I'm just reminding you.
A marriage break-up is a big deal.
Mmm.
Most people feel lost for a while.
As I've said, Michael, helping Chel has nothing to do with that.
Nathan, I'm on your side here.
But I've just got to make sure that you're not going into this with misplaced motivations.
What sort of misplaced? Well, if you were trying to win back your wife No.
.
.
feel better about yourself No.
.
.
validate yourself No! No.
Because this isn't something you can undo, Nathan.
This is radical surgery.
You're asking me this now'? No.
You're listening to me now.
And if you don't hear what you wanna hear'? Well, then, I can't let the transplant go ahead.
Hello.
Hey.
Hey, Mum wants everyone to bring their diaries for dinner.
OK.
Yeah.
Can you tell Ben and Mel? Yeah, sure.
How did it go with the counsellor'? I thought Mum banned you hassling me about this.
I'm being Supportive Big Sister.
Yeah, well, the coordinator's a nice guy but it waspretty full-on.
Are you OK'? Yeah.
Course.
It's just confronting and I've gotta convince him I'm doing this for the right reasons.
What do you mean? Well, I'm not doing it for the glory or to fill some emptiness in my life.
And are you? Oh, don't you start.
No, I won't.
(SIGHS) I mean, it's obvious why you're doing it, right? Apparently not.
It is gonna be OK'? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not about to leave Chel in the lurch, am I'? You still on for the pictures tomorrow'? Great.
OK, I'll see you then.
Chel says sorry she can't make it, but her schedule's clear and she'll just fit in with the rest of us.
JULIE: Great.
How was the hospital? Dad! It's not pressure.
I'm just interested.
There's nothing to talk about.
I'm passing the test.
It's going good.
It's going great.
TED: OK.
Let's get this over with.
Oh, a little enthusiasm for Ruby's naming day, please.
Naming day? (LAUGHS) Well, you did your first three the hippie way.
Can't you give me this one? We've had this argument with every baby.
A naming ceremony must've been pretty out there when Rachel was a baby.
Just felt right for us, that's all.
Yeah.
Just as meaningful.
And it leaves them free to make their own choices.
Well, that's the trouble with the world today, isn't it? Too many choices! Oh, don't worry, Grandad.
We turned out alright.
Early days yet.
(JULIE LAUGHS) Alright.
OK.
Are we ready? How about the last Saturday of next month'? NATHAN: Free.
Free.
Friend Finders.
BOTH: Working.
What about the Saturday before'? Free.
Yeah, I'm free.
Yeah, no worries.
It's my mum's birthday, but you guys go ahead.
No, no, no.
We want you and Alex and Grace there.
Ahthe Sunday the month later.
I'm free again.
Because I'm always free.
Yep.
We're good.
Yep.
Yep.
Great.
Going once.
Going twice.
Oh, wait.
No, no, no.
I've got three events on at the Boat Club.
(ALL GROAN) (RUBY owes) There she blows.
Alright.
Get back to this after we've fed madam.
Ben, can you set the table, please? How do you think he seems? Nathan? Yeah.
Something's not quite right.
He had a psych assessment today.
What do you reckon? He'd tell us, wouldn't he, if he was having second thoughts'? Well, yeah.
That's what we agreed.
I hope we haven't put too much pressure on him.
Oh I know, it's just that the father in me wishes that he'd never even started but the son in me Well, maybe we should hold off on the naming day ceremony until we know the state of play.
And Chel won't get any better in the meantime.
No.
Nah.
I've got a better idea.
Next Saturday? Yes.
As in one week'? Yeah, and it's non-negotiable.
That's not enough time to organise it.
I've got functions at work.
I can't just leave them in the lurch.
I'll say this one last time.
I'm sure the church could make Ted! Rachel, it's enough time to get family and close friends together.
Ben, you're the boss - work it out.
Dad, we all believe in the same thing, it's just a different name.
And it fits in with Chel's dialysis, which is the main thing.
Do you have anything else to add to the naming day controversy? Just that I'd like to invite Sammy.
Yeah, course.
I'll ask her tomorrow.
So there's no godparents or anything? We call them guardians.
And do you know who they are? Yes.
Or how many'? Mm-hm.
Have you asked any of them? Do we need to? Yeah.
Well, Rita's gonna have to book her flight back from Greece.
Warney might have something on that weekend.
That's hilarious.
Oh, alright.
Would you three please be Ruby's guardians? We would be honoured.
Hold it - do these guardians get swords or shields or magical powers? No.
General dragon-slaying equipment? No.
Cash? Could you eat your dinner, please? Dad, can we start? Another Rafter bites the dust.
So I'm guessing you won't be at the naming day.
I'm the most important guest there, the presence of a good baptised boy.
Here we go.
Might score Rubes some points with the big guy.
So even if you're a good person, that doesn't cut it in your world, Carbo? Yeah, sure, you can still get in, but if you haven't been dunked, there's no guarantees.
What?! Goodnight.
'Night.
'Night.
'Night, devil spawn.
Carbo! You should have heard him when we were kids - saying I'd go to hell, that I should be burned at the stake.
It's not funny, Mel.
He used to put curses on me.
It used to work when I was five.
(MOANS) Get away, you freak! See - still running scared.
You know, as guardian, you might have to teach Ruby some of your amazing defence techniques.
What about our kids? Our kids? Yeah.
You're christened.
I'm not.
What are our kids gonna be'? Uh, let's save that argument for the very distant future.
How distant? Oooh.
Nope, can't see anything just yet.
What about this one? Traciee Green.
'Traciee' with an 'I' and a double 'E'? Ew! Sounds free-spirited.
Oh, a naming day officiated by someone who can't even spell.
I don't think so.
Why do we even need a celebrant anyway? We've never had one before.
Honestly, a celebrant will ensure the whole day runs smoothly.
Wouldn't it make it too formal'? No, not if you don't want it to.
And you've gotta roll with the times.
OK.
I'm rolling, I'm rolling.
Speaking of, are those sausage rolls for the party? Yeah.
I'm gonna freeze them.
Oh, and I want you to do those horseradishy things.
Yeah, OK.
Are they the fancy ones or the other ones? They're the fancy ones.
Good.
Continue.
Um, Jake, did you actually hear me put Rachel in charge? When you made her guardian, you created a monster.
I'm a caring monster.
(SNARLS) Dad.
Dad, what do you think? Binti Bloom? (LAUGHS) What parent would name a child that'? Parents of a future celebrant, apparently.
Celebrant? We're rolling with the times.
Look - she's non-denominational, she's 'Your day, your way' and she's free.
Now we're talking.
No, I meant as in available.
So Traciee Green's out, but Binti Bloom's fine? Yeah.
Binti Bloom, Rachel Rafter, Ruby Rafter.
See, can't resist alliteration.
How's Chel? Oh, you know what Chel's like.
Cracked a lot of jokes, but she seemed exhausted.
She really needs this operation.
Yeah.
SAM MY: Sorry I'm late.
Again.
That's cool.
Do you want a coffee? No, I can't.
I've gotta run.
Oh, OK.
Mum and Dad are having a naming ceremony on Saturday and I'd like you to come.
What? Umyeah.
I'm not sure.
You're busy? No.
I justdon't want it to be awkward.
It won't.
Well, it doesn't have to be.
Nathanwhy do you want me to be there? It's not just me.
It would mean a lot to everyone.
Yeah, but I don't have a role in your family anymore.
So we all just stop caring about you - is that it? No, it's justit can't be like it was.
Are you alright? Yeah, of course.
Are you sure? Yes.
Why? Ben said you've got something going on.
Something medical.
What is it? Nathan It's nothing.
He shouldn't have said anything.
What? You know how Chel needs a new kidney? Yeah? You're gonna be the donor? Mmm.
That's the plan.
Really? What? Nathan, that is really amazing.
I am so proud of you.
I should get going.
So Saturday? Yeah.
You'll come? Yeah, I'd love to.
Just let me know what time.
Great.
I will.
Honestly, I think what you're doing for Chel isincredible.
Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
NATHAN: And then I realised my coordinator was right - I still wanted Sammy's approval.
I was doing this for me.
OK, so there's paper, paint, glue, glitter, and you're gonna want to make the letters big, OK'? Like, huge, 'cause it's the centre point of the entire ceremony.
Um, why are you telling us if we're doing this together? We are, but I have to pick Jake up from a job first, so if you guys could make a start, that'd be great.
Sure.
Oooh, Nathan.
You know those horseradishy things I do? Yep - can you please make them for the naming day? Yep.
I guess.
So what exactly are you doing? Excuse me? I'm finding a celebrant, I'm writing a speech We all have to write a speech, Rachel.
I sourced all this material, Ben.
From the cupboard next door.
I am masterminding the entire event, Ben.
So, in other words, nothing.
So, if it's alright with you, before we get started, I'm going to eat my breakfast.
(DOOR CLOSES) The coordinator was right.
What? I told Sammy and I felt like a hero.
Yeah, butwell, that's just a nice side effect, yeah? Yeah, but what if it's the underlying reason? I mean, how selfish does that make me? No, Nathan, you've gotta stop saying that.
You're not selfish.
She wasn't even coming to the naming day and Oh, bloody hell.
Oh.
Maybe that's why I told her.
To try and win her over.
How pathetic is that'? Nathan No, it was.
It was.
It was to try and make myself feel better and to validate myself and Nathan, you have to stop.
What you're doing is a good thing, OK'? Sorry.
I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.
I'll figure it out.
See - now, a selfish person wouldn't say that, would they? If you really want to do this, you'll find a way.
I know you will.
I don't know about this movie.
I thought you wanted to see it.
Oh, you know.
The plot just doesn't grab me.
What's it about? Two friends, you see.
One doesn't want the other to know she's feeling a bit under the weather because she doesn't want to let him down.
What a martyr.
Yeah, well, the twist is that when he discovers she's just dragging herself out for his sake, he feels even more let down.
Maybe she was just hoping that she'd come good again.
And he appreciates that.
But it's not gonna happen, is it? I can't, Ted.
Not today.
Come on.
Back inside.
Put your feet up and watch the midday movie until it's time for your appointment.
I thought you were going to the movies.
Change of plans, mate.
Chel's bunkered down on the couch.
Is she sick? Oh, no.
She's just resting up before her treatment.
Right.
I think she's bunging it on, myself, mate.
She always did hate action movies.
(LAUGHS) Hey, Grandad, do you reckon I could take her to the hospital? You sure? It's a long few hours.
Yeah, I just thought it might help if I can get a feel for what she's going through, you know'? Help what? Nothing.
Bad choice of words.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, no worries.
Yeah? OK.
Great.
Thanks.
This is gonna look so cute.
MEL: Yeah.
I'm excited.
I wasn't there for Rachel's and I was too young to remember Nathan's.
Yeah, it's funny - all this effort and Ruby's not gonna remember hers either.
Ha - kind of like me and our wedding.
Jokes.
Jokes.
(GIGGLES) One day we'll be doing this for our kids.
Mmm.
Hey? Hey? So when's it gonna be'? In a year's time? Oh, freezing! Two years? Still cold.
Five years? Brrrrrrr! Oh, come on.
We can't wait more than five years.
Oh, don't you want to just enjoy being married for a while? Yeah, but I don't want to leave it too long to start a family either.
CARBO: Who's starting a family? No-one.
It's good you guys are talking about it.
You're not getting any younger.
Oh, you can talk.
What? At least I'm not going grey.
Neither am I.
Oh, yeah'? Arggh! Jeez! What's this? (GASPS) Are there any more'? Get 'em off! Get 'em off! You do know if you pluck a grey hair, six more will come to its funeral.
It's too late now.
You've already plucked it! (GASPS) I forgot.
Must be my age.
Don't worry about grey hairs, Carbo.
Everybody gets them.
Yeah, rite of passage.
Not at my age! Why me? (GIGGLES) Warmer.
This can't be happening.
Aha! Ohhh! Hey.
Hey, Al.
What's up with you? Hev- Hey Oooh, look at you.
Where are you off to? Lunch.
Lunch, eh? Who might that be with? Doug? Mum is allowed to have some fun.
I'm not stopping her.
Yes, you are, mate.
You're sulking.
Cut it out.
Oh, Jake, don't.
You'll just make it worse.
Um, hey, Mum wants to invite you and Alex and Doug to the naming day next Saturday for Ruby.
Oh, that's lovely.
Thanks.
Alex, can you make it? AI.
Depends.
Alex, I've told you - I'm just going out to lunch and I won't be late.
You want me to pick up a DVD on the way home? Don't worry.
I'm going out.
Where to? Just out.
Maybe I should take it slower with Doug.
Just give your brother a chance to get used to it.
You go out once a week, if that.
Yeah.
No, you go and you know what? We were gonna hang here anyway, so that way he won't come home to an empty house.
Thanks, Rachel.
Bye, love.
Bye.
See ya.
(DOORBELL RINGS) You must be Dave.
Yes, I am.
Binti Bloom.
Hi.
Umcome in.
Hi.
I'm Julie.
Binti.
It's a pleasure.
I just put Ruby down for a nap.
Oh, what a shame I won't get to meet the little darling.
Uh, take a seat.
Would you like a tea or a coffee? Oh, lovely.
Which one? Oh, juice.
Well, we've never used a celebrant before so we're not quite sure what to expect.
Oh, first-timers, eh? Look, nothing to worry about.
You're in very, very, very experienced hands.
Oh, so you've done a lot of naming days? Mmm.
Now, where would you like me? Somewhere over here? (BI NTI PANTS H EAVI LY) (BINTI GRUNTS) (WHINES) (STRAINS) (SMACKS LIPS) âI'm here!" I feel it's important to vocalise that line for the audience.
The audience? Old habits die hard.
I used to perform on the stage.
Really? Mmm.
Now the mime segues into the dance.
The dance? Hi-ya-ya, hi-ya-ya-Va! Hoo! Hoo! It's based on a Hopi Indian ritual.
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh.
Wh-wh-ha-ha-ha.
Ohhh.
Actually, BintiBinti, we really have to be somewhere.
Yes, yes.
So what we'll do is we'll call you after we've made our decision.
Why does everyone always say that'? You know, for the price of a celebrant, you get a one-woman show.
We don't want a show, we just want a nice day for Ruby.
Who? Thanks for coming.
Drive carefully.
JULIE: Yeah.
Bye.
(LAUGHS) I'm gonna kill Rachel.
Stand in line.
Gonna come in for a cuppa or you gonna hit the strip clubs up the Cross? (LAUGHS) No, I think I better keep going.
But, uh, say hello to Tiffany for me if you see her.
How'd you go with Michael? Not a lot gets past him.
No.
No, he's put me through the wringer.
Mmm.
Me too.
Been prodded and poked for quite a while now, me and you.
Yeah.
I guess we have.
Don't do it.
What? This whole thing.
No, Chel, I No, I can see it's weighing on you.
It's weighing on me.
It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just that I'm I don't know, I guess I'm scared of failing.
Well, that's the thing - scared of failing, scared of success - it's not fair that you're scared at all.
There's no shame in walking away.
I'm doing this, Chel.
OK'? End of story.
Now get outta here.
(LAUGHS) See you soon, yeah? Yeah.
Bye.
NATHAN: I sounded so confident.
But inside, I wasn't fooling anyone.
Alright.
Thanks, mate.
He was at the local, but he left a couple of hours ago.
What state was he in'? Oh Jake! He'd had a few.
Great.
And what if he went somewhere they don't know him? You know what a target he is.
He makes friends wherever he goes.
Not in this mood he doesn't.
I should've known he'd react like this.
Mum! Well, you couldn't handle it.
Why should he? But I got over it.
This has been weeks! All your lives you've had me to yourselves.
Then I suddenly go and change the ground rules and just expect everyone else to adapt.
No.
No, he shook things up by heading to NZ.
I might get out of your hair.
No, you don't have to, babe.
No, this is family stuff.
I'm sorry, Rachel.
It's fine.
Let me know if there's anything I can do, OK'? I'll walk you to the door.
It's cool.
You stay with your mum.
He'll come home safe and sound.
I know he will.
Yeah.
Then I'll kill him.
(sossnue) (SNIFFS) Alex? I'm not going inside and you can't make me.
You're drunk.
How can you tell'? Come on.
Let me take you inside.
Your mum is really worried about you.
She doesn't care about me.
If she did, she'd drop that bloke.
Hey, you have to listen to me, OK'? You cannot ask that of her.
You know you can't.
Everybody's got someone except for me.
No, that's not true.
I'm just in the way.
You are not in the way.
You are so loved by (VOMITS) There you go.
He's asleep.
So.
.
.
how are we going to deal with this in the morning'? Cooling things with Doug isn't gonna help anybody.
Well, I'm not gonna ignore Alex's feelings.
But you're allowed to be happy, Mum.
Yes.
So is Alex.
But he can't be unless you are.
Not really.
Sorry, but I think he does want you to be happy.
You know, he's just He's lonely.
It's been just the three of us for always.
And now that's changing.
He just He needs time to adjust.
That's all.
RACHEL: Hey! Hey.
I thought you were staying at Jake's tonight.
Yeah, I was.
I left them to their family stuff, though.
Oh.
Everything OK'? It will be.
I've got no idea how many of them are gonna come to the naming day, though.
Oh, that's alright.
There'll be enough.
I've overcatered, as usual.
Hey, how was Binti? (SWITCHES OFF TELEVISION) You set us up, didn't you? I'm sorry? There's no way you could've looked at that website and not known what was in store.
I didn't click on any of the links.
Why? We got one word for you, Rachel.
Mime.
No! Yeah.
Then interpretive dance.
The journey through the birth canal, into the world.
(SMACKS LIPS) âI'm here!" Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding? Sadly, no.
Oh, I wish I'd seen it! Unfortunately, I can't get it out of my mind.
Gosh, Jake was really off with her.
Oh, so now it was Jake's idea, was it? This is actually a disaster.
How are we going to find a celebrant in time? No, doesn't matter.
Oh We'll do it ourselves like we always have.
Who better to introduce Ruby to the world than her parents? The guardian doesn't approve? I just think a celebrant would write something for Ruby that's poignant Ah.
.
.
and moving.
And not, um, not What? Embarrassing.
Oh! You don't think I can do moving? No, I I wrote some pretty decent songs in my life, you know'? (LAUGHS) OK.
(LAUGHS) Suburban Boy? Are you gonna break it to him or should I'? Alright, you just laugh it up.
Come the ceremony, there won't be a dry eye in the house.
Mark my words.
Oh, no.
We'll be crying, Dad.
Don't worry about that! JULIE: That was funny.
You! Plucker! This is your fault! What? You said they'd come to the funeral, and they did! Six of 'em! Look! I can only see two.
That's the worst part of it.
There's four more albinos downstairs.
Look.
No! You'll give us nightmares.
Oh! Don't! Come on! Nightmares? Hey, I'm living a nightmare.
You're just ageing like the rest of us.
Nah, not Carbo.
Carbo Karandonis does not age.
(DOOR SHUTS) BEN: Hey.
How's Chel? Yeah, she's OK.
Hey, Nathan, you can see 'em, right? What the hell is wrong with you? That is the last image I need before I go to bed.
I'll leave you guys to it.
Help me! Just pluck them.
I'll have hundreds by the morning.
Then dye them.
No - I'll look like a tragic uncle at an Italian wedding with dye running down his face.
Thenjust shave it.
No way! Then leave it.
What? These are my options? I'm bald, grey or tragic.
Oh, it's not true, Carbo.
No matter what you do, you'll always betragic.
ORTS) (SN (LAUGHS) 'R' is for 'rascally', 'rampant', 'robotic'.
Not a whole lot of poetic words starting with 'R'.
Oh, rubbish.
That's not poetic.
No, no, I mean, what about 'radiant'? 'Resplendent'.
'Raunchy'.
'Risque'.
Oi! Stop distracting.
I've still got three letters to go.
Oh.
Lucky her name's not Clementine Hermione.
'U' is for Don't you think you should be writing a bit more from the heart'? Jules, finding words to match the letters in her name is fun.
But you've never done it like this with the other kids.
That's because I didn't think of it, did I? Rachel wants poignant.
Emotional.
Well, this is.
Listen.
(READS) 'U' is for 'unstoppable', 'untamed'.
'U little ripper'.
What? I'm trying to figure out if you're joking or not.
It's a work in progress.
I promise you, the finished product will make you blubber.
Mmm.
Blubber.
'B' is for 'blubber' because that's what I do every time I look at you.
Now I know you're joking.
Jules, of course it'll be from the heart.
It's far too important to be anything else.
But the eldest daughter doesn't need to know that, does she? Ooh.
Sneaky.
Hey? 'D' is for Dave.
'Devious', 'deceptive'.
(IMITATES SEAN CONNERY) And damn sexy, Miss Moneypenny.
Alright.
Gotta get back to it.
No, you don't! You got any dark hair dye? I ran out this morning.
I knew it was a long shot, but Carbo's desperate.
You OK'? Hmm'? Is it Chel? Did something happen at dialysis? No, no.
Soon she won't have to go anymore.
You're doing a great thing.
Shut up, Ben.
Sure.
At this stage, it doesn't look like it's going to happen at all.
What? I can't tell Chel.
I can't tell Dad.
Hey, have you changed your mind? No, of course not.
You think I'm gonna back out? No.
I'm failing the psych test.
The coordinator doesn't trust my reasons.
I'm not sure I do anymore.
What other reason is there? 'Cause it makes me feel better, makes me feel good about myself.
Andit saves Chel's life.
Apparently that's not good enough.
Well, I don't know what to say.
That makes two of us, Ben.
It's not over yet.
You've got other sessions with this guy, right? Mmm.
Just turn it around.
Pull something out.
Dig deep.
Whatever else our footy coach used to say.
Sure, Ben.
No worries.
Just don't give up yet is what I mean.
What? Must be great being you.
Everything3 so simple.
'Simple' is there's gotta be another solution.
Don't take this as patronising or anything, but as the older brother in the room Here it comes.
you're growing up.
Alright.
I'm serious.
You are.
NATHAN: A week later and definite progress had been made.
Mum had project-managed the naming ceremony, allowing Rachel to believe she had.
Oh, and Carbo's grey-hair problem had been dealt with - plucked on top and dyed down below.
(RUBY owes) Hey, mate, can you see if you can settle her, please? Allow me! Hello! Thank you.
Just a bit grizzly.
Come on, Rubes.
You can't grizzle all through your big day.
Shh-shh-shh.
.
R,_ 'R' is for 'wriggly'.
WriQQW! Yes! Dad, that's 'W'.
Mum, you have to stop him.
Stop him! Oh, what, and stifle creativity? No! Mum, it's Whoo-hoo! And that was a V8.
The six-cylinder's more of a hollow sound, like this - boom-boom-boom-boom-boom! Mmm? You hear the difference, yeah? That's the first time she's stopped grizzling all day.
That's because she can sense I'm a good baptised boy and wants to join the club, yes! Well, thanks, Nick.
Right now she's going to join the Rafter club.
CARBO: OK.
JULIE: Ohhh! Alright, sweetie.
Oh! Alright.
(GRIZZLES) Ahooh, OK.
Yes, you can go back to Nick when we get to the park.
(SCREAMS) Hey, Nathan.
Can I grab a lift with you? Yeah, of course.
Come on.
Give you a chance to explain those premature worry lines.
Oh, blame Dad! It's bad genes.
Oh, his genes are alright! (BOTH LAUGH) What I said last week, I meant.
Yeah, I know.
And I meant what I said.
But I still could get knocked back.
It had nothing to do with bad genes.
I know.
And if that's what happens, then it was never meant to be.
Are you right? OK.
Yeah.
NATHAN: But for some of us, some things are unchanged.
JULIE: Oh, hello! SAMMY: Hi.
Hey.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming.
And this is for Ruby.
DAVE: Cheers.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh! Hi.
Thanks for coming.
It means a lot.
I wouldn't have missed it.
Oh, I heard about you and Nathan.
I think it's really wonderful.
Oh, please don't.
Do you want to grab a drink? Sure.
So, what's this? This is Chel's gift to Ruby.
A Josephine lily.
Ah! You didn't have to.
Mate, you have no idea how many garden shops she rang to find one of these.
Sorry, what is it? Well, there's nothing yet.
It won't even flower for 15 years.
Oh! Even if she doesn't remember me, she will be reminded of how blessed I felt to have been in her life.
JULIE: Well, hopefully you'll be here to remind her yourself.
Thank you.
It's a beautiful thought.
Jake's here! Happy naming day! Whee! Hey.
Hi.
Thanks for inviting us.
Oh! Thanks for coming.
Hey, where's Doug? Oh, um Hey, Jake.
Hey.
So, come through.
Hi, Alex.
Come through.
You look beautiful.
Thanks for coming.
Brrrr! Brrr! Going to have to wean her off you, I'm afraid.
We're about to get started.
OK.
Here we go.
Hey, sweetie.
Now, she likes the V8 the best, but you don't want to overdo it.
Don't want to flood the engine.
OK.
(CRIES) Oh! Oh, no! Oh, it looks so wonderful! Oh, yeah, thanks.
It's great.
Yeah, everyone did their bit.
Yeah, yeah, it was a real team effort.
What did you do again? Oh, I'm not after any credit, Ben.
Gotta go mingle! A Fantale? That's a really good look.
I can't help it! I got a rash from the.
.
.
hair dye.
Carbo, just embrace it! Think George Clooney.
Up here's one thing, but down there? No snow below! Hey- Hey- Hey, so what's the story? ls Doug off the scene for good or'? No, not officially.
But that's how it'll end up.
He makes baby so unhappy.
Get stuffed! Ohhh! Your mum's allowed a life of her own, isn't she? Yeah.
When? Come on - when? You can't be like Ruby all your life, mate.
Oh! He's got to stand on his own two feet sometime! You can talk, hey? You're still living at home with Mummy too, yeah? Hey! Hey! Maybe that means you'll both have to give her a bit of space sometime.
Hmm'? OK, everyone, let's gather round.
We might just have a small window of opportunity while the guest of honour is still in the mood.
Er, hey, umdo you have a second to meet up tomorrow'? Any reason in particular? Well, yeah, I just thought we should talk but it's kind of hard here.
OK.
Well, just text me where and when.
JULIE: OK.
Can we have the guardians to the front, please? Ooh.
Looks like I'm up.
BEN: Little Ruby, I promise I will always protect you, and I'll teach you to value things in life that money can't buy.
I'll teach you you get out of life what you put into it and I promise that as long as I live, you'll never be lonely.
Ruby, I'll always be there to catch you if you fall.
I'll always stand by you and try never to let you down.
Well, we're very thankful that Ruby has you all in her life.
And, Nick, if she ever needs spiritual guidance of the orthodox kind, you're the man.
(LAUGHS) And, Dad, we know that you'll continue to always make sure that we stay on the straight and narrow.
So, Dave's now written something very special.
DAVE: Yeah, um (CLEARS THROAT) Rachel, could you prompt me if I forget it? Thanks.
Ruby, I, er I certainly can't say that you're not full of surprises.
When we discovered that we were having you, that was a surprise.
Didn't see that one coming, believe me.
And your name, well, that was a surprise too, but it just seemed to fit.
Since then, I've done a little bit of research and Ruby means 'precious gem that brings light into everyone's lives', and looking around here at all the loved ones who will be looking out for you, it's no wonder that that's the meaning of the word.
No surprises there.
I, erl guess on a basic level, our gift to you is life.
But you give us something just as amazing in return - just simply by the act of loving you, we receive so much.
That's what love's all about - giving and receiving.
So, to Ruby.
ALL: To Ruby.
(APPLAUSE) NATHAN: Little did Dad know it, but his words made everything suddenly clear.
You were right, Michael.
Part of the reason I'm doing this is for me.
I admit - it makes me feel good about myself.
But what's wrong with that'? Love's a two-way street and when you love, you get just as much back as you give out.
There's a selfish component of love that everyone feels - not just me.
I'm no different to anyone else.
And I'm not going to apologise for that or myself, anymore.
I reckon this will go really nice with those nice spotty leggings.
I think you've missed your true calling as a baby stylist, darling.
And as a celebrant.
Oh, OK, I am sorry that Oh, yes! l-l may have doubted you.
Here we go.
What you said, it was wonderful.
In fact, I'd go further than that - I'd say it was genius.
Oh! Yeah.
A true poet of the people, you know'? You've touched the heart of humanity.
It was wise and profound That's enough.
You did good, OK, old man.
Hey, enough of the 'old man'! I'm sorry! Hey.
Hey, how did you go? They said yes.
(JULIE GASPS) All approved.
Good to go.
Darling! It's happening- Thanks, Mum.
He is so brave.
That's fantastic.
It really is.
I mean, he is saving Chel's life.
Mmm.
I'm so glad it wasn't up to me to make that decision.
Me too.
Oh! I mean, I'd like to think I would if I had to.
But Yeah, I know, baby.
I know.
(SIGHS) Do you want to hear my family news? Uh-huh.
Alex is moving out of home.
What? Yeah.
For good? Well, for now, anyway, it's Oh, how is your mum'? A bit fragile.
Yeah, I bet she is.
It's not every day you lose both your sons.
You're moving out with him.
Just until he finds his feet.
Are you OK with that'? Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
L No, I think it's a great idea.
It doesn't mean that you and I won't get our own place together some day.
About a year, I reckon - tops.
Mmm.
And in a year, you might have the suburbs out of your system.
Never.
Mmm.
Inner-city living, here we come! Rachel, whatever gets you through the day.
(RUBY GURGLES) NATHAN: Ruby was welcomed into the world by the people who protect her and who she'll protect in the future.
Her rite of passage was complete.
I still had a couple more to go.
Hey, stalker.
This has got to stop.
No-one answered the door.
You want to come in'? I'm not happy, Nathan.
What, did you miss your midday movie? I wanted you to try.
I wanted you to have a clear conscience.
But you were supposed to be rejected.
It was obviously meant to be.
Don't give me that namby-pamby hippie stuff.
You invented that hippie stuff, Chel.
Nathan, this is serious.
I know.
The real gift is from you to me, Chel and I can't thank you enough.
(BOTH LAUGH) NATHAN: It's funny when you know someone so well - every smile, every gesture.
I wanted you to like me and I thought if I showed you the place where I really live, then there would be zero chance of that.
She still looked the same yet everything had changed.
(WHISPERS) I've gotta go.
Hello.
Hey.
(LAUGHS) Thanks for coming yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I'm really glad I did.
Yeah.
(SIGHS) So what is it that you have to tell me? I'm moving to London.
Right.
Yeah - for real this time.
I got in touch with that company who offered me a job before.
Oh, Nick Leigh.
Mmm.
And it turns out they've got another opening.
And now you're free.
You can head over there and live the life you were always meant to lead.
(LAUGHS) Well, I guess now's probably the right time to give you these.
Will you marry me? Yes! Yes, of course! We were so young.
We still are.
Not so young.
Older.
Maybe a little wiser.
(LAUGHS) I still love you, Sam.
I always will.
You tooas friends, you know'? Mmm.
I think that what you're doing for Chel is reallywonderful.
Thanks.
(SIGHS) Well, I'll see you round.
(WHISPERS) OK.
Bye.
Bye.
Out of all the rites of passage in life, the hardest one is to accept yourself.
(SIGHS) Even harder than saying goodbye.