Resident Alien (2021) s03e08 Episode Script
Homecoming
1
Previously on "Resident Alien"
Get in! [YELLS]
- Maybe he's not dead.
- What?
- We have to go back and see.
- [BOTH YELLING]
Joseph is an alien.
They're real.
They abduct people,
and they don't remember.
No!
At least let me remember this time.
- Ah!
- Bridget is back,
and he is murder-y.
[GRUNTS]
I love him.
I gave the ball to Robert,
but the Greys kidnapped him.
And their stupid, beautiful
hybrids have it and my DNA.
They can speed up their plans
for the cavern at Yellowstone.
I am building a bomb
that can destroy the Greys' spaceship.
Some son of a bitch stole my bomb.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
♪
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
[HISSING AND CLICKING]
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
[WITH DEEP VOICE]
[SCREAMS]
[FLESH TEARING]
♪
[GROANS, HISSES]
♪
[BROWN BIRD'S "BILGEWATER"]
[LAID-BACK ACOUSTIC STRUMMING]
- Who would steal the bomb?
- Joseph.
He must have slipped in
while I was sleeping.
Handsome people, they think
they can just do anything.
So the Greys have
your DNA and the ball.
Mm.
They could blow up Yellowstone
and destroy the Earth any minute.
- Yeah.
- And if I send my forces in,
the Greys will just freeze them?
Yeah.
That's it.
It's over. I
- I can't stop them.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
Has anyone seen my tablet?
Oh, there it is.
Bridget, you have had
enough screen time, okay?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
It's me.
No, no, no, this is my son.
He is young, and he is still
experimenting with his look.
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- Okay, terrible twos.
Don't slam it, you
[DOOR SLAMS]
If your alien ship
didn't fly over that night,
my father would still be alive.
I spent my entire life
looking for aliens
so that I can kill them all
and rid this Earth
of all you monsters.
This is my safe space.
I'm feeling not safe.
You know what I mean.
You're one of the good ones.
One of the good ones? [LAUGHS]
I caught you in a racism.
It's too late.
It's really over.
No, it is not.
I just need to get my bomb back
and blow up the Greys' spaceship.
I have to find Joseph.
It may take a little time.
He travels by portal.
What?
What portal?
The portal portals.
The Greys, it's how they get
from place to place
and jump timelines.
It's the same technology I used
to go back in time to become Goliath.
I explained all of this to you.
Sometimes I think
you do not listen to me.
You know, my words matter.
Don't worry.
I'll find Joseph.
Humans spend most of their
lives searching for something.
Some days, it's a Grey hybrid
alien who stole your bomb.
The next day, it's car keys.
And some days,
what they're searching for
is the strength
to tell someone they love
that their world is falling apart.
- Hi.
- Hey.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
- I need to tell you
- I need to tell you something.
Sorry.
No, you go.
♪
You ever have
something so crazy happen
that you have no idea what to do?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SCOFFS]
Hey.
I may only have time
to do a few more of these.
I'm finally here.
I can see the Grey hybrids.
Oh, they really are so hot,
it's scary.
Maybe I'm just scared.
Look, I always thought
I was put here to ski,
but maybe it's this.
It's kind of like avalanche control
make an explosion
to prevent a disaster.
Same, except on the mountain,
there's not much chance that
I'm gonna blow myself up too.
But hey, if I die saving everyone,
at least I'll know
I was here for a reason.
And I know you'll all be proud of me.
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
Not pushing this, but
big bronze statue of me on a horse
might be a nice tribute.
It was D'arcy.
She would not steal a bomb.
There is not even any vodka in it.
[SCOFFS] Elliot said
that she came to his house
and said she was gonna do
something big
so that people would be proud of her.
This must be it.
- We have to find her.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
It was not her. It was Joseph.
He stole the bomb!
What bomb?
Never mind. It was her.
What the hell are you doing here?
Why, do you want to drug me again?
You want to be a dickhead again?
Yeah, I do.
Well, I don't, actually.
Tell me what this formula does.
♪
And if you say anything
about ice cream,
I'll know you might be lying.
This formula allows the Greys
to make the Earth uninhabitable
for everything except their species.
So not humans?
No.
And not half-humans?
Yeah, no.
Wait, you didn't even know
what your own plan was?
I knew something was up.
They were acting weird
and wouldn't make eye contact.
Every time they would,
they would smile too big.
Like when everyone is invited
to a party except you.
Oh, God, I thought you didn't
want to go to Kayla's birthday.
Of course I want to go
to Kalayla's birthday.
It's Kayla. I've told you
that so many times.
- Kaylala.
- Will you drop it?
I can't believe
they were gonna let me die.
After everything I've done for them.
I haven't had a day off
in seven years.
That is horrible.
Even Septids get two weeks off a year.
It isn't just the vacations.
The per diem is shit.
We have the worst health plan.
You know, when I got in a fight
with a Lepticon last year,
cut my hand, I was
out of pocket for the stitches.
- That's horrible.
- Yeah.
Had you met your deductible?
Can we please stop talking
about health care, okay?
D'arcy is in danger.
The world could end any day now.
Today, actually.
- Today?
- They gave your ball to Frank
and told him to fill
the chamber at Yellowstone
- with water.
- Oh, my God.
We can help you defeat
this son of a bitch Frank.
- How?
- I built a bomb.
And her clown-haired friend,
she stole it.
With the the stupid-looking
Oh, stop it. God.
She's headed to Yellowstone
because she's gonna do
something stupid.
But if you could help us find her,
then we could use the bomb
and stop them.
It may be too late.
We have to try. Joseph, please.
Look, I I know that there is
a human part of you that cares.
I saw it the night that we went out
you know, before you threatened
to kill me.
- Oh.
- This planet, it's your home.
It's life. It matters.
Harry gets it. Tell him, Harry.
If you help us,
Asta will date you again.
Or we could just focus
on the planet part.
- She's playing hard to get.
- Oh
You'll get there. Come on.
I'm not gonna die for these bastards.
Let's date.
Do it. Let's do it.
- Yes.
- And you should definitely
send in that receipt for the stitches.
It's too late. You only have a year.
Backdate it.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
I'll let you guys work this out.
- They would never
- Never know.
[LAUGHTER]
♪
Fine. Aliens are abducting us?
So what?
You know, maybe this is good.
Good? They've been
kidnapping you for 30 years.
It's better to know, you know?
We can make a plan,
get our daughter back.
We don't need to go crazy.
You know, we can be smart about it.
- First things first.
- What are you doing?
Covering the house in tinfoil.
We need help. We need to,
I don't know,
call the Pentagon or something.
Oh, no. We can call your Uncle Jim.
He works at the State House.
- He's a custodian.
- [SIGHS]
What are you guys doing?
Oh, God.
What?
Nothing.
I was I was praying.
- Yep.
- Oh, God.
Okay?
Ben, can you come and help me pray
in in the closet?
[WHISPERING]
What if they're abducting Max?
Oh, God, do you think they are?
If they're taking both of us,
maybe he has a chip too.
- Oh, no.
- We've got to find a way to
to check him without him finding out.
Yeah, okay, I think there's a
there's a metal detector
in here somewhere.
- Oh.
- God, what is that smell?
You you've been getting
some candle returns
from your Etsy shop.
I di I didn't know
where else to put them.
Hurtful.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[THE GO-GO'S "VACATION" BLARING]
What is that?
What's going on?
Can't seem to get
my mind off of you ♪
♪
Back here at home,
there's nothing to do ♪
Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪
Vacation, had to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪
Vacation, had to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Okay, I made it this far.
Only thing left to do is wait
for the portal to open
and then, I guess,
step onto a spaceship.
Very normal thing to say.
Also, I might be insane.
So this will be my last video.
The most important thing
is that I, D'arcy Bloom,
can single-handedly save the world.
And I can't stress this enough.
It is a small A after the D,
not a capital one.
Okay, so it's capital D, apostrophe
[AIR WHOOSHING]
Vacation, have to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Holy shit.
♪
So how you doing, sweetie? Huh?
You you having a good day?
Yeah? Oh, I missed you.
Give Mommy a hug.
Okay.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
Hey, buddy.
What do you say we do
some detector-ing?
Maybe hit the old-person beach
at the lake again?
Yeah.
Why are you guys being so weird?
Well, the truth is
♪
The school called, and
and someone in your class has lice.
So we we got to check you out.
I can't have lice.
That's how people get nicknames.
We still call Will Hawley
"Billy Bugs."
I would have gone
with "Crawly Hawley," but
Yeah, come on.
Let's go to the bathroom.
I'll I'll check you out.
♪
Sir
Look, I don't want to hear
searching this woods
is a waste of time
because Joseph is some alien
who was beamed up
onto his spaceship, okay?
So if that's what you're gonna say,
I'd rather you just
tell me that, you know,
you think my my soap makes me
smell like a fresh houseplant
or or you're impressed
with the musculature
of Cletus' haunches.
Is there a third choice?
Deputy, these woods are
Joseph's only way out of here.
You saw how hard Ben hit him.
No human man walks away from that.
Who said he walked?
Some people think
the most efficient form
of human transportation is rolling.
Are you the some in "some people"?
Well, let's just say
when I was in fifth grade,
I did 40 miles per hour
rolling down Pike's Hill.
My elbows, they still
sound like a bag of chains
when I do push-ups.
And I ain't talking 50¢ pieces.
I'm talking dimes.
Come on, boy.
[CLETUS BARKS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Max doesn't have a chip.
Oh, thank God.
Okay, okay.
We need to get ours taken out.
- What?
- Harry won't do it.
He said mine is too close
to a nerve or something,
but I I don't care.
We need to get these taken out now.
Well, what about our baby?
♪
We're gonna get her back, okay?
We're gonna find a way.
But I need to make sure
that you and Max are safe.
♪
Okay.
♪
It's gonna be okay.
We'll take care of it.
Yeah, we're gonna take care of it.
Yeah, I'm gonna call Dr. Smallwood.
You know, she can do it.
- Good.
- [SIGHS]
♪
Oh, and ask her if she does lice.
Max's head is filled with it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[LINE RINGING]
♪
Oh, wait.
We don't even know where D'arcy is.
I do.
Here is the plan.
One, you're going
to portal us to the tunnels
underneath Yellowstone.
Two, I will stop them from using
my alien ball on the caldera.
Three, we're gonna climb
up this little ladder
to this sort of trailer,
sort of mobile home thing
they got up there.
It's like their headquarters.
Okay.
That's where the portal is
to the spaceship.
Four, we're gonna portal
aboard the ship.
And five, we're gonna blow it up.
- [CHIRPS]
- [LAUGHS]
And find D'arcy.
We'll see how we're doing on time.
[SCOFFS]
[AIR WHOOSHING]
All right, you are not going.
- [WARBLES]
- Thank you, Bridget.
It is too dangerous.
Screw that. I want to find D'arcy.
No.
Six, I will find her.
Seven, you stay here
and order some pizza.
Eight, don't put your hands
on your hips
and look at me like that.
And number nine, do not follow us.
Okay, you're right.
You can follow me.
Son of a bitch.
- Oh!
- Whee!
[TENSE MUSIC]
I'm going to stop them from
filling the cavern with water.
No, we're climbing the ladder
to get to the ship portal
to get D'arcy.
No, no, your strawberry-haired friend
has to wait.
Saving the Earth is more important.
Make sure that nothing happens to her.
[SCOFFS]
Ugh!
♪
The water is filling quickly.
There isn't much time.
♪
Hey.
♪
Get ready.
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
[BLOWS LANDING]
You are making his jacket all dirty.
Hurry up.
I found son of a bitch Frank.
♪
[GASPS] Oh.
Oh, the portal.
♪
[JOSEPH GRUNTING,
GREY HYBRID GROANING]
♪
Asta!
[GASPS]
- Come on.
- Ow!
♪
Excuse me.
I hate to bother you,
but I need to use your portal.
[AIR WHOOSHING]
Oh, shit. Shit.
Do you have an extra one of those
little remote control things?
He has one.
Oh.
Mine now.
Okay, I'm coming for you, D'arce.
Here we go.
Found it.
[JOSEPH GRUNTING,
GREY HYBRID GROANING]
♪
- You got this down here?
- I got it.
You will stop the Yellowstone
explosion thing?
[GRUNTS] Yeah.
Good, good, good. Good. Good.
All right, you just keep
doing what you're doing.
And maybe we circle back
at the cabin later.
We'll just circle back.
Circle back.
Okay.
Come on, Bridget.
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, no.
♪
[BALL WARBLING]
♪
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
No!
Asta?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Yeah.
No.
Okay, well, I'm here now, okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, God, I'm so glad you're here.
- I was so worried about you.
- Me too.
We're gonna be okay, I promise.
[GROWLING AND SLURPING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [SQUEALS]
- Oh.
- Hello.
- [HISSES]
Have either of you seen
a woman come through here?
She has dark hair.
She's wearing a cowskin jacket.
You know what?
Never mind.
I'll find her.
[SHOUTS]
This way.
♪
Redwoods.
Now, see, that's a tree.
Do you know there's no limit
to how tall they can get?
Hell, if I live long enough,
I could climb one of them
right into outer space.
Plus, trees, they put out oxygen.
So I got that whole "what
to breathe in space" problem
solved right there.
Space sounds good right now
because no one can hear you scream.
[TWIGS SNAPPING]
♪
- You hear that?
- Yeah.
♪
Lena, you could have been killed.
You're the one
who could have been killed.
I could have gotten killed too.
What are you doing here?
Well, I could say that I got a call
about two people with guns
wandering around the woods
and came to investigate.
But then I'd say you're 50 miles away
from your jurisdiction
and you never would have
been called for this.
Then because of your
interrogation skills,
I'd be forced to admit
that I've been tracking you
because I'm worried about you.
Well, thanks for caring.
Truth is, we're tracking someone too.
Probably about all I should say.
We're tracking an alien,
possibly a human-alien hybrid.
- You're joking.
- I never joke about aliens.
There's no such thing as aliens.
It's just disinformation
spread by the government
to cover up
their gene-splicing program.
Finally, somebody gets it.
See, if I didn't think
you were perfect before,
I sure as hell do now.
Oh, yeah?
So you think I'm perfect?
I'll take Cletus for a walk.
Come on.
Well, you know,
none of us are perfect,
though I come pretty close.
But I've spent a lot of time thinking
that maybe you come really close too.
Keep talking.
You're doing good.
Truth is, I really do
care about you, and
it shouldn't be as hard
for me to say that as it is.
But I really would like
to see what happens
if I said it more often.
Try it.
- I really do care about you.
- Sorry, sir.
Cletus just pooped,
and I don't have a bag.
Deputy, I'm in the middle
of a thing here.
We're in the woods. Just leave it.
It's kind of a walking path.
- Kick it off to the side.
- Right, sorry.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
Come on.
I know I can come on strong.
I don't expect you to be the same way.
I just I need you
to meet me in the middle.
I think the middle would be
a great place to start.
Cletus.
Oh, Deputy. Hold on.
Wait, I forgot.
I do have a baggie.
Oh, I don't need it anymore.
I'm at the "throw away
my shoes" phase of this.
♪
Could have told me about your dad.
I would have been there for you.
You shouldn't have to.
Remember the day
we met in kindergarten
when I asked you if you would
give me a piggyback ride?
[CHUCKLES] You didn't ask.
You just jumped on my back
and said, green light, go.
And you did.
You ran all the way to the gym.
Of course I did.
I'd never heard anyone
laugh like that.
And I didn't want it to stop.
I don't want you to look at me
like I'm a weight you're holding.
No wonder you grew up thinking
you had to take care of people.
I'm your villain origin story.
Okay, I know that I'm a caretaker
because sometimes I don't want
to look at my own shit.
But sometimes
when I take care of people,
that is taking care of me.
That day was the first time
I heard you laugh,
and every time I've heard
you laugh since, it just
it gives me everything I need.
♪
I love you.
This is all my fault.
We're gonna be okay, okay?
[GROWLING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd it go up there?
It's out.
You know, for the first time
in my life, I feel free.
I'm so happy.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, Dr. Smallwood's ready for you.
♪
I'm not doing it.
What?
I wanted to take it out.
I I was
I was desperate to, but
after I got hypnotized
and I saw our baby, I just
I just can't.
♪
But you just let me take mine out?
They have been taking you
your whole life.
I want you to have peace.
But this chip is my only
connection to our daughter.
♪
And I can't leave her up there.
I can't let them keep taking you.
Ben, I want them to, okay?
They are going to take me again.
And when they do,
I'm going to fight.
And I'm not gonna stop
until we get our baby back.
♪
Ooh ♪
It's time again ♪
I must be on my way ♪
♪
Another day has come and gone ♪
I'm afraid that I can't stay ♪
Are you scared?
You don't seem scared.
I'm trying to figure out
how to get out of here.
We've been here for hours.
Did you bring your toothbrush?
Yes, that's a great idea.
We'll make it into a knife,
and then I'll call the guard in
and you shiv him.
No.
I don't know how long
we're gonna be here,
and I really need to brush.
You were gonna use mine?
You weren't gonna let me?
There is no escape.
Well, that's terrifying.
[SLURPING]
Love the cloak.
You smell so good.
Come on over to my side.
Why would we do that?
So I can eat you.
[LAUGHS]
I'll start with D'arcy.
Oh, you look spicy. [SNIFFS]
[LAUGHS]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
- Asta!
- Harry!
- Thank God.
- Harry!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[LAUGHS] Good luck finding lunch.
- I hate your cloak.
- [GROWLS]
- Where is the bomb?
- They took it.
Also, my backpack
which was my favorite, so
They took it after you took it.
I wouldn't have had to take it
if you were doing your job
instead of crying into a pizza box
- about your bird girlfriend.
- Oh!
Hey, stop it.
We have to find our way
out of here, please.
Bridget and I need to find that bomb.
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
That could complicate things.
[GRUNTS]
Robert, my son, I thought
I might see you here.
I'm not your son, and what
what are you doing here?
Well, we came to blow up the ship.
You remember your brother, Bridget?
[BABBLES]
He is your brother.
Families come in all shapes and sizes.
Wait, so you knew I was here
and you were gonna
blow up the ship anyway?
♪
I feel like you're twisting my words.
No, that's what you said.
The Greys took the bomb,
but we need you
to help us go to the portal.
The alarm disengages
the portals up here.
There's a better way out.
I know where their ships are.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
That's messed up, man.
You did not call or write!
♪
[AIR WHOOSHING]
♪
- Go, go, go!
- Find your target!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
Got him.
Be careful.
We need him alive.
Two days ago,
you said you wanted him dead
and you were gonna eat lunch
out of his skull.
Alive.
♪
You're back.
Am I supposed to be scared?
♪
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
♪
I should have killed you better
the first time.
[YELLS]
[METALLIC CLANG] Ow.
♪
[GROANING]
♪
You might want to take a look at this.
There's a spike in his brain activity.
No!
♪
Where is my son?
What did he just say?
♪
[GRUNTS]
♪
Give me my son!
His consciousness is back.
How is that even possible?
- It's not.
- Where is he?
Maybe cellular memories.
Mitochondrial storage of the self.
The implications
in dementia research
- Kill him.
- Light him up!
[GUNFIRE]
[SOLDIERS GRUNTING]
♪
This way.
What kind of alien
was in that jail cell, anyway?
Yeah.
And why did he know my name?
That's a Mantid.
They're shape-shifters.
Don't talk to them.
Don't don't even get close to them.
They get inside your head.
- Huh?
- He wouldn't last a day.
Son, I remember now.
I did text you. I did.
I texted you and said, hey, buddy,
are you still on the ship?
I might blow it up.
You may want to bounce.
And then I put emoji.
I was gonna do a thumb,
but they don't have purple thumbs,
so I used the eggplant.
♪
And the aliens are also wizards.
Don't let them touch you
with those things.
I wasn't planning on it.
You should all hide.
♪
Bridget and I will take care of this.
Hello, Greys!
This is my baby.
He just got five new teeth today.
He wants to show them to you.
Go get 'em, Bridget.
[LAUGHS]
Ya-ha!
Get it!
Let's play tug-of-war.
I'm going to stick my hand up your ass
and puppet you like you belong
on public television.
Tell me the alphabet.
Where do you think you're going?
Hey, get back here.
Oh, this one is pregnant, I think.
Are these eggs?
♪
What about you? Hey, Bridget,
get the other one.
Holy shit.
He's trying to get away.
Here, rip his leg off.
Ow! Now beat it.
Beat it to death, yes.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, you can come out now.
Hey. [LAUGHS]
♪
Jesus!
He is so cute.
I bet he tries to bury that thing.
D'arce? Where's D'arcy?
We have to get to the launch bay.
No, I'm not leaving
without her. D'arcy!
Bridget and I have to find that bomb.
I will find D'arcy too. I promise.
You have to get to safety.
No, Harry.
Harry!
Go!
♪
God.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
♪
Kate?
♪
D'arcy?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
Hey.
Have they been abducting you too?
No, no.
I I kind of abducted myself.
- What?
- Long story.
I know a way out.
♪
[FOOTSTEPS TAPPING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You've got to help me.
They took my baby.
They took Max?
No, my baby.
When I was pregnant,
they stole her from me.
And now they've just been
bringing me up here.
But I know where they keep the babies.
Please, please, you got to help me.
- You
- No, please.
♪
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm with you.
Let's go.
Hey.
If we make it out of here,
I'm not gonna remember any of this.
So
thank you.
♪
[DAKHABRAKHA'S "OY ISHOV CHUMAK"]
[SINGING IN UKRAINIAN]
♪
[PEOPLE SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES]
♪
Peekaboo. [LAUGHS]
I love you so much.
Mommy's right here.
This is messed up.
♪
I don't see her.
This is a nightmare.
Thought this is just
a shitty sci-fi cliché.
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING, DOOR SLAMS]
♪
Mommy loves you.
♪
[BABY WHIMPERING]
♪
- Baby.
- You're so wonderful.
We will always be together.
♪
You're getting so big.
I will always protect you.
- Oh, God.
- Mommy loves you.
I love you so much.
My precious little boy.
Aren't you a pretty baby?
♪
What the hell is taking them so long?
They'll be here.
Screw this.
I'm gonna find her myself.
♪
Aren't you a pretty baby?
Mommy's right here.
Where is she?
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.
- D'arcy?
- Come on.
You're my precious little girl.
You are the sweetest little girl.
You are so wonderful.
I love you so much.
Oh, there she is!
- [SQUEALS]
- [GRUNTS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Run, D'arcy!
[GRUNTING]
No! No!
No! Please!
Give me my baby!
Please don't do this!
I'm her mother!
Mommy's right here.
You're getting so big.
Oh, look at your pretty little eyes.
♪
I should just kill you right here
for infiltrating my base
and murdering my team.
You're quite the dangerous man.
But, then, you're not actually
a man, are you?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I just destroyed
the Greys' Yellowstone plan.
They're gonna kill me anyway, so
go ahead and do it first.
Can't.
You have something I want.
What?
A portal.
♪
D'arcy?
D'arcy, where are you?
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
- D'arcy.
- Run!
♪
Hey! You're leaving without us?
Yeah, I told him not to shut the door.
We have to leave.
Shut the door.
[TENSE MUSIC]
There's nothing down there for me.
My father's gone. Go.
- I'll try to hold them off.
- Robert!
♪
Where's Bridget?
I do not want to talk about Bridget.
Bridget is gone.
We have to leave.
You're holding a baby.
♪
Long story.
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE WHIRRING]
♪
[BABY CRYING]
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Okay.
At least we made it off the ship.
♪
Except it's not a ship.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Oh, my God.
♪
Oh, that's not good.
♪
Oh!
They sent a ship after us.
♪
They're shooting.
What's the plan here?
If we make it to Earth's atmosphere,
they may turn back to avoid detection.
A-and what if they don't?
Either we kill them, or they kill us.
[JOAN ARMATRADING'S
"WONCHA COME ON HOME"]
Every light is on ♪
You do know that
meeting me in the middle
was a figure of speech?
I'm looking at that county line,
and I see I'm about
3 feet on your side.
So I feel like I've gone
above and beyond.
Well, maybe if you find
your alien in the forest,
you can come all the way
to Jessup to tell me.
The day I tell you
I done seen an alien
is the day you lock me
in a padded cell.
- [LAUGHS]
- Sheriff?
Come in, Sheriff.
A motorist called about an explosion
at that old high school off of 146.
Might be those kids again.
Copy. I'm nearby. I'm on the way.
So what do you think,
dinner tomorrow night?
Your town or mine?
- Yours, of course.
- Oh, good answer.
- Oh, I like good answers.
- [CHUCKLES]
Baby, won't you come on home ♪
[CHUCKLES] All right.
Baby, won't you come on home ♪
- I'll call you later.
- You better.
♪
So I've been on a spaceship.
You know, Paris doesn't seem
as big a priority now.
Paris is still worth it.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
I know I've been giving you
a hard time in the past
about not taking care of Asta.
But you saved her life.
I'll never forget that.
New rule here.
Harry Vanderspeigle gets
free pie whenever he wants.
Dad, he doesn't pay for it anyway.
It was the gesture.
Hey, I'm really sorry about Bridget.
That has to be the hardest
thing in the world.
I do not care.
I deal with death all the time.
I am a doctor.
I have to go to work this morning
at 9:00 a.m. at the clinic.
I'll probably see death there too.
Oh.
Okay, but do not blame yourself.
You did everything that you could.
Here you go.
- Ah.
- Ooh, fresh pie.
Mm.
Yuck, ew.
Okay, now I know he's upset.
Probably for the best.
If I had to give him free pie,
I'd go out of business.
We have a joke on my planet.
What is the best way
to cloak a ship above Earth?
You do not need to, because humans
are too afraid to look up.
[LAUGHS] It is funnier in my language.
[RODNEY CROWELL'S
"OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WORLD"]
We build our hopes up high ♪
Perchance to someday fly ♪
Across the clear blue sky
to someplace new ♪
But I have discovered that humans
can actually be very brave.
My people risk our lives constantly,
but that is not brave,
because we do not fear death.
Humans are terrified to die,
but they will risk
their precious lives anyway.
It's the thief
Sometimes they risk their
lives for someone they love.
Your neck still sore?
I'm fine.
You don't remember anything?
Oh, what a
No.
Beautiful world
Sometimes they risk their
lives to love themselves more.
♪
Sometimes they are willing
to risk it all
because they think there is
a better life somewhere else.
We live our legends down
Wake up in lost and found
Become that highway sound
and roll on through ♪
♪
Oh, what a ♪
Beautiful world ♪
♪
What the hell is this?
[METALLIC TAPPING]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
And sometimes it is to find the truth.
♪
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
[YELPS]
♪
Holy shit.
♪
This is stupid.
He's your buddy,
and buddies have fights.
Then they make up.
I really hate to say this,
but he's been good for you.
Fine.
Maybe that is what humans
are really searching for,
another human who is willing
to risk their life
for something or someone
they care about,
for someone who may be in trouble.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Max has something to say to you.
[SCREAMS]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
Because someday
that someone might be you.
[SIGHS]
This is some bullshit!
Bullshit!
Oh, what a ♪
Beautiful world ♪
♪
Previously on "Resident Alien"
Get in! [YELLS]
- Maybe he's not dead.
- What?
- We have to go back and see.
- [BOTH YELLING]
Joseph is an alien.
They're real.
They abduct people,
and they don't remember.
No!
At least let me remember this time.
- Ah!
- Bridget is back,
and he is murder-y.
[GRUNTS]
I love him.
I gave the ball to Robert,
but the Greys kidnapped him.
And their stupid, beautiful
hybrids have it and my DNA.
They can speed up their plans
for the cavern at Yellowstone.
I am building a bomb
that can destroy the Greys' spaceship.
Some son of a bitch stole my bomb.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
♪
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
[HISSING AND CLICKING]
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
[WITH DEEP VOICE]
[SCREAMS]
[FLESH TEARING]
♪
[GROANS, HISSES]
♪
[BROWN BIRD'S "BILGEWATER"]
[LAID-BACK ACOUSTIC STRUMMING]
- Who would steal the bomb?
- Joseph.
He must have slipped in
while I was sleeping.
Handsome people, they think
they can just do anything.
So the Greys have
your DNA and the ball.
Mm.
They could blow up Yellowstone
and destroy the Earth any minute.
- Yeah.
- And if I send my forces in,
the Greys will just freeze them?
Yeah.
That's it.
It's over. I
- I can't stop them.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
Has anyone seen my tablet?
Oh, there it is.
Bridget, you have had
enough screen time, okay?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
It's me.
No, no, no, this is my son.
He is young, and he is still
experimenting with his look.
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- Okay, terrible twos.
Don't slam it, you
[DOOR SLAMS]
If your alien ship
didn't fly over that night,
my father would still be alive.
I spent my entire life
looking for aliens
so that I can kill them all
and rid this Earth
of all you monsters.
This is my safe space.
I'm feeling not safe.
You know what I mean.
You're one of the good ones.
One of the good ones? [LAUGHS]
I caught you in a racism.
It's too late.
It's really over.
No, it is not.
I just need to get my bomb back
and blow up the Greys' spaceship.
I have to find Joseph.
It may take a little time.
He travels by portal.
What?
What portal?
The portal portals.
The Greys, it's how they get
from place to place
and jump timelines.
It's the same technology I used
to go back in time to become Goliath.
I explained all of this to you.
Sometimes I think
you do not listen to me.
You know, my words matter.
Don't worry.
I'll find Joseph.
Humans spend most of their
lives searching for something.
Some days, it's a Grey hybrid
alien who stole your bomb.
The next day, it's car keys.
And some days,
what they're searching for
is the strength
to tell someone they love
that their world is falling apart.
- Hi.
- Hey.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
- I need to tell you
- I need to tell you something.
Sorry.
No, you go.
♪
You ever have
something so crazy happen
that you have no idea what to do?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SCOFFS]
Hey.
I may only have time
to do a few more of these.
I'm finally here.
I can see the Grey hybrids.
Oh, they really are so hot,
it's scary.
Maybe I'm just scared.
Look, I always thought
I was put here to ski,
but maybe it's this.
It's kind of like avalanche control
make an explosion
to prevent a disaster.
Same, except on the mountain,
there's not much chance that
I'm gonna blow myself up too.
But hey, if I die saving everyone,
at least I'll know
I was here for a reason.
And I know you'll all be proud of me.
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
Not pushing this, but
big bronze statue of me on a horse
might be a nice tribute.
It was D'arcy.
She would not steal a bomb.
There is not even any vodka in it.
[SCOFFS] Elliot said
that she came to his house
and said she was gonna do
something big
so that people would be proud of her.
This must be it.
- We have to find her.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
It was not her. It was Joseph.
He stole the bomb!
What bomb?
Never mind. It was her.
What the hell are you doing here?
Why, do you want to drug me again?
You want to be a dickhead again?
Yeah, I do.
Well, I don't, actually.
Tell me what this formula does.
♪
And if you say anything
about ice cream,
I'll know you might be lying.
This formula allows the Greys
to make the Earth uninhabitable
for everything except their species.
So not humans?
No.
And not half-humans?
Yeah, no.
Wait, you didn't even know
what your own plan was?
I knew something was up.
They were acting weird
and wouldn't make eye contact.
Every time they would,
they would smile too big.
Like when everyone is invited
to a party except you.
Oh, God, I thought you didn't
want to go to Kayla's birthday.
Of course I want to go
to Kalayla's birthday.
It's Kayla. I've told you
that so many times.
- Kaylala.
- Will you drop it?
I can't believe
they were gonna let me die.
After everything I've done for them.
I haven't had a day off
in seven years.
That is horrible.
Even Septids get two weeks off a year.
It isn't just the vacations.
The per diem is shit.
We have the worst health plan.
You know, when I got in a fight
with a Lepticon last year,
cut my hand, I was
out of pocket for the stitches.
- That's horrible.
- Yeah.
Had you met your deductible?
Can we please stop talking
about health care, okay?
D'arcy is in danger.
The world could end any day now.
Today, actually.
- Today?
- They gave your ball to Frank
and told him to fill
the chamber at Yellowstone
- with water.
- Oh, my God.
We can help you defeat
this son of a bitch Frank.
- How?
- I built a bomb.
And her clown-haired friend,
she stole it.
With the the stupid-looking
Oh, stop it. God.
She's headed to Yellowstone
because she's gonna do
something stupid.
But if you could help us find her,
then we could use the bomb
and stop them.
It may be too late.
We have to try. Joseph, please.
Look, I I know that there is
a human part of you that cares.
I saw it the night that we went out
you know, before you threatened
to kill me.
- Oh.
- This planet, it's your home.
It's life. It matters.
Harry gets it. Tell him, Harry.
If you help us,
Asta will date you again.
Or we could just focus
on the planet part.
- She's playing hard to get.
- Oh
You'll get there. Come on.
I'm not gonna die for these bastards.
Let's date.
Do it. Let's do it.
- Yes.
- And you should definitely
send in that receipt for the stitches.
It's too late. You only have a year.
Backdate it.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
I'll let you guys work this out.
- They would never
- Never know.
[LAUGHTER]
♪
Fine. Aliens are abducting us?
So what?
You know, maybe this is good.
Good? They've been
kidnapping you for 30 years.
It's better to know, you know?
We can make a plan,
get our daughter back.
We don't need to go crazy.
You know, we can be smart about it.
- First things first.
- What are you doing?
Covering the house in tinfoil.
We need help. We need to,
I don't know,
call the Pentagon or something.
Oh, no. We can call your Uncle Jim.
He works at the State House.
- He's a custodian.
- [SIGHS]
What are you guys doing?
Oh, God.
What?
Nothing.
I was I was praying.
- Yep.
- Oh, God.
Okay?
Ben, can you come and help me pray
in in the closet?
[WHISPERING]
What if they're abducting Max?
Oh, God, do you think they are?
If they're taking both of us,
maybe he has a chip too.
- Oh, no.
- We've got to find a way to
to check him without him finding out.
Yeah, okay, I think there's a
there's a metal detector
in here somewhere.
- Oh.
- God, what is that smell?
You you've been getting
some candle returns
from your Etsy shop.
I di I didn't know
where else to put them.
Hurtful.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[THE GO-GO'S "VACATION" BLARING]
What is that?
What's going on?
Can't seem to get
my mind off of you ♪
♪
Back here at home,
there's nothing to do ♪
Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪
Vacation, had to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪
Vacation, had to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Okay, I made it this far.
Only thing left to do is wait
for the portal to open
and then, I guess,
step onto a spaceship.
Very normal thing to say.
Also, I might be insane.
So this will be my last video.
The most important thing
is that I, D'arcy Bloom,
can single-handedly save the world.
And I can't stress this enough.
It is a small A after the D,
not a capital one.
Okay, so it's capital D, apostrophe
[AIR WHOOSHING]
Vacation, have to get away ♪
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
Holy shit.
♪
So how you doing, sweetie? Huh?
You you having a good day?
Yeah? Oh, I missed you.
Give Mommy a hug.
Okay.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
Hey, buddy.
What do you say we do
some detector-ing?
Maybe hit the old-person beach
at the lake again?
Yeah.
Why are you guys being so weird?
Well, the truth is
♪
The school called, and
and someone in your class has lice.
So we we got to check you out.
I can't have lice.
That's how people get nicknames.
We still call Will Hawley
"Billy Bugs."
I would have gone
with "Crawly Hawley," but
Yeah, come on.
Let's go to the bathroom.
I'll I'll check you out.
♪
Sir
Look, I don't want to hear
searching this woods
is a waste of time
because Joseph is some alien
who was beamed up
onto his spaceship, okay?
So if that's what you're gonna say,
I'd rather you just
tell me that, you know,
you think my my soap makes me
smell like a fresh houseplant
or or you're impressed
with the musculature
of Cletus' haunches.
Is there a third choice?
Deputy, these woods are
Joseph's only way out of here.
You saw how hard Ben hit him.
No human man walks away from that.
Who said he walked?
Some people think
the most efficient form
of human transportation is rolling.
Are you the some in "some people"?
Well, let's just say
when I was in fifth grade,
I did 40 miles per hour
rolling down Pike's Hill.
My elbows, they still
sound like a bag of chains
when I do push-ups.
And I ain't talking 50¢ pieces.
I'm talking dimes.
Come on, boy.
[CLETUS BARKS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Max doesn't have a chip.
Oh, thank God.
Okay, okay.
We need to get ours taken out.
- What?
- Harry won't do it.
He said mine is too close
to a nerve or something,
but I I don't care.
We need to get these taken out now.
Well, what about our baby?
♪
We're gonna get her back, okay?
We're gonna find a way.
But I need to make sure
that you and Max are safe.
♪
Okay.
♪
It's gonna be okay.
We'll take care of it.
Yeah, we're gonna take care of it.
Yeah, I'm gonna call Dr. Smallwood.
You know, she can do it.
- Good.
- [SIGHS]
♪
Oh, and ask her if she does lice.
Max's head is filled with it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[LINE RINGING]
♪
Oh, wait.
We don't even know where D'arcy is.
I do.
Here is the plan.
One, you're going
to portal us to the tunnels
underneath Yellowstone.
Two, I will stop them from using
my alien ball on the caldera.
Three, we're gonna climb
up this little ladder
to this sort of trailer,
sort of mobile home thing
they got up there.
It's like their headquarters.
Okay.
That's where the portal is
to the spaceship.
Four, we're gonna portal
aboard the ship.
And five, we're gonna blow it up.
- [CHIRPS]
- [LAUGHS]
And find D'arcy.
We'll see how we're doing on time.
[SCOFFS]
[AIR WHOOSHING]
All right, you are not going.
- [WARBLES]
- Thank you, Bridget.
It is too dangerous.
Screw that. I want to find D'arcy.
No.
Six, I will find her.
Seven, you stay here
and order some pizza.
Eight, don't put your hands
on your hips
and look at me like that.
And number nine, do not follow us.
Okay, you're right.
You can follow me.
Son of a bitch.
- Oh!
- Whee!
[TENSE MUSIC]
I'm going to stop them from
filling the cavern with water.
No, we're climbing the ladder
to get to the ship portal
to get D'arcy.
No, no, your strawberry-haired friend
has to wait.
Saving the Earth is more important.
Make sure that nothing happens to her.
[SCOFFS]
Ugh!
♪
The water is filling quickly.
There isn't much time.
♪
Hey.
♪
Get ready.
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
[BLOWS LANDING]
You are making his jacket all dirty.
Hurry up.
I found son of a bitch Frank.
♪
[GASPS] Oh.
Oh, the portal.
♪
[JOSEPH GRUNTING,
GREY HYBRID GROANING]
♪
Asta!
[GASPS]
- Come on.
- Ow!
♪
Excuse me.
I hate to bother you,
but I need to use your portal.
[AIR WHOOSHING]
Oh, shit. Shit.
Do you have an extra one of those
little remote control things?
He has one.
Oh.
Mine now.
Okay, I'm coming for you, D'arce.
Here we go.
Found it.
[JOSEPH GRUNTING,
GREY HYBRID GROANING]
♪
- You got this down here?
- I got it.
You will stop the Yellowstone
explosion thing?
[GRUNTS] Yeah.
Good, good, good. Good. Good.
All right, you just keep
doing what you're doing.
And maybe we circle back
at the cabin later.
We'll just circle back.
Circle back.
Okay.
Come on, Bridget.
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, no.
♪
[BALL WARBLING]
♪
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
No!
Asta?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Yeah.
No.
Okay, well, I'm here now, okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, God, I'm so glad you're here.
- I was so worried about you.
- Me too.
We're gonna be okay, I promise.
[GROWLING AND SLURPING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [SQUEALS]
- Oh.
- Hello.
- [HISSES]
Have either of you seen
a woman come through here?
She has dark hair.
She's wearing a cowskin jacket.
You know what?
Never mind.
I'll find her.
[SHOUTS]
This way.
♪
Redwoods.
Now, see, that's a tree.
Do you know there's no limit
to how tall they can get?
Hell, if I live long enough,
I could climb one of them
right into outer space.
Plus, trees, they put out oxygen.
So I got that whole "what
to breathe in space" problem
solved right there.
Space sounds good right now
because no one can hear you scream.
[TWIGS SNAPPING]
♪
- You hear that?
- Yeah.
♪
Lena, you could have been killed.
You're the one
who could have been killed.
I could have gotten killed too.
What are you doing here?
Well, I could say that I got a call
about two people with guns
wandering around the woods
and came to investigate.
But then I'd say you're 50 miles away
from your jurisdiction
and you never would have
been called for this.
Then because of your
interrogation skills,
I'd be forced to admit
that I've been tracking you
because I'm worried about you.
Well, thanks for caring.
Truth is, we're tracking someone too.
Probably about all I should say.
We're tracking an alien,
possibly a human-alien hybrid.
- You're joking.
- I never joke about aliens.
There's no such thing as aliens.
It's just disinformation
spread by the government
to cover up
their gene-splicing program.
Finally, somebody gets it.
See, if I didn't think
you were perfect before,
I sure as hell do now.
Oh, yeah?
So you think I'm perfect?
I'll take Cletus for a walk.
Come on.
Well, you know,
none of us are perfect,
though I come pretty close.
But I've spent a lot of time thinking
that maybe you come really close too.
Keep talking.
You're doing good.
Truth is, I really do
care about you, and
it shouldn't be as hard
for me to say that as it is.
But I really would like
to see what happens
if I said it more often.
Try it.
- I really do care about you.
- Sorry, sir.
Cletus just pooped,
and I don't have a bag.
Deputy, I'm in the middle
of a thing here.
We're in the woods. Just leave it.
It's kind of a walking path.
- Kick it off to the side.
- Right, sorry.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
Come on.
I know I can come on strong.
I don't expect you to be the same way.
I just I need you
to meet me in the middle.
I think the middle would be
a great place to start.
Cletus.
Oh, Deputy. Hold on.
Wait, I forgot.
I do have a baggie.
Oh, I don't need it anymore.
I'm at the "throw away
my shoes" phase of this.
♪
Could have told me about your dad.
I would have been there for you.
You shouldn't have to.
Remember the day
we met in kindergarten
when I asked you if you would
give me a piggyback ride?
[CHUCKLES] You didn't ask.
You just jumped on my back
and said, green light, go.
And you did.
You ran all the way to the gym.
Of course I did.
I'd never heard anyone
laugh like that.
And I didn't want it to stop.
I don't want you to look at me
like I'm a weight you're holding.
No wonder you grew up thinking
you had to take care of people.
I'm your villain origin story.
Okay, I know that I'm a caretaker
because sometimes I don't want
to look at my own shit.
But sometimes
when I take care of people,
that is taking care of me.
That day was the first time
I heard you laugh,
and every time I've heard
you laugh since, it just
it gives me everything I need.
♪
I love you.
This is all my fault.
We're gonna be okay, okay?
[GROWLING]
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd it go up there?
It's out.
You know, for the first time
in my life, I feel free.
I'm so happy.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, Dr. Smallwood's ready for you.
♪
I'm not doing it.
What?
I wanted to take it out.
I I was
I was desperate to, but
after I got hypnotized
and I saw our baby, I just
I just can't.
♪
But you just let me take mine out?
They have been taking you
your whole life.
I want you to have peace.
But this chip is my only
connection to our daughter.
♪
And I can't leave her up there.
I can't let them keep taking you.
Ben, I want them to, okay?
They are going to take me again.
And when they do,
I'm going to fight.
And I'm not gonna stop
until we get our baby back.
♪
Ooh ♪
It's time again ♪
I must be on my way ♪
♪
Another day has come and gone ♪
I'm afraid that I can't stay ♪
Are you scared?
You don't seem scared.
I'm trying to figure out
how to get out of here.
We've been here for hours.
Did you bring your toothbrush?
Yes, that's a great idea.
We'll make it into a knife,
and then I'll call the guard in
and you shiv him.
No.
I don't know how long
we're gonna be here,
and I really need to brush.
You were gonna use mine?
You weren't gonna let me?
There is no escape.
Well, that's terrifying.
[SLURPING]
Love the cloak.
You smell so good.
Come on over to my side.
Why would we do that?
So I can eat you.
[LAUGHS]
I'll start with D'arcy.
Oh, you look spicy. [SNIFFS]
[LAUGHS]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
- Asta!
- Harry!
- Thank God.
- Harry!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[LAUGHS] Good luck finding lunch.
- I hate your cloak.
- [GROWLS]
- Where is the bomb?
- They took it.
Also, my backpack
which was my favorite, so
They took it after you took it.
I wouldn't have had to take it
if you were doing your job
instead of crying into a pizza box
- about your bird girlfriend.
- Oh!
Hey, stop it.
We have to find our way
out of here, please.
Bridget and I need to find that bomb.
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
That could complicate things.
[GRUNTS]
Robert, my son, I thought
I might see you here.
I'm not your son, and what
what are you doing here?
Well, we came to blow up the ship.
You remember your brother, Bridget?
[BABBLES]
He is your brother.
Families come in all shapes and sizes.
Wait, so you knew I was here
and you were gonna
blow up the ship anyway?
♪
I feel like you're twisting my words.
No, that's what you said.
The Greys took the bomb,
but we need you
to help us go to the portal.
The alarm disengages
the portals up here.
There's a better way out.
I know where their ships are.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
That's messed up, man.
You did not call or write!
♪
[AIR WHOOSHING]
♪
- Go, go, go!
- Find your target!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
Got him.
Be careful.
We need him alive.
Two days ago,
you said you wanted him dead
and you were gonna eat lunch
out of his skull.
Alive.
♪
You're back.
Am I supposed to be scared?
♪
[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]
♪
I should have killed you better
the first time.
[YELLS]
[METALLIC CLANG] Ow.
♪
[GROANING]
♪
You might want to take a look at this.
There's a spike in his brain activity.
No!
♪
Where is my son?
What did he just say?
♪
[GRUNTS]
♪
Give me my son!
His consciousness is back.
How is that even possible?
- It's not.
- Where is he?
Maybe cellular memories.
Mitochondrial storage of the self.
The implications
in dementia research
- Kill him.
- Light him up!
[GUNFIRE]
[SOLDIERS GRUNTING]
♪
This way.
What kind of alien
was in that jail cell, anyway?
Yeah.
And why did he know my name?
That's a Mantid.
They're shape-shifters.
Don't talk to them.
Don't don't even get close to them.
They get inside your head.
- Huh?
- He wouldn't last a day.
Son, I remember now.
I did text you. I did.
I texted you and said, hey, buddy,
are you still on the ship?
I might blow it up.
You may want to bounce.
And then I put emoji.
I was gonna do a thumb,
but they don't have purple thumbs,
so I used the eggplant.
♪
And the aliens are also wizards.
Don't let them touch you
with those things.
I wasn't planning on it.
You should all hide.
♪
Bridget and I will take care of this.
Hello, Greys!
This is my baby.
He just got five new teeth today.
He wants to show them to you.
Go get 'em, Bridget.
[LAUGHS]
Ya-ha!
Get it!
Let's play tug-of-war.
I'm going to stick my hand up your ass
and puppet you like you belong
on public television.
Tell me the alphabet.
Where do you think you're going?
Hey, get back here.
Oh, this one is pregnant, I think.
Are these eggs?
♪
What about you? Hey, Bridget,
get the other one.
Holy shit.
He's trying to get away.
Here, rip his leg off.
Ow! Now beat it.
Beat it to death, yes.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, you can come out now.
Hey. [LAUGHS]
♪
Jesus!
He is so cute.
I bet he tries to bury that thing.
D'arce? Where's D'arcy?
We have to get to the launch bay.
No, I'm not leaving
without her. D'arcy!
Bridget and I have to find that bomb.
I will find D'arcy too. I promise.
You have to get to safety.
No, Harry.
Harry!
Go!
♪
God.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
♪
Kate?
♪
D'arcy?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
Hey.
Have they been abducting you too?
No, no.
I I kind of abducted myself.
- What?
- Long story.
I know a way out.
♪
[FOOTSTEPS TAPPING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You've got to help me.
They took my baby.
They took Max?
No, my baby.
When I was pregnant,
they stole her from me.
And now they've just been
bringing me up here.
But I know where they keep the babies.
Please, please, you got to help me.
- You
- No, please.
♪
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm with you.
Let's go.
Hey.
If we make it out of here,
I'm not gonna remember any of this.
So
thank you.
♪
[DAKHABRAKHA'S "OY ISHOV CHUMAK"]
[SINGING IN UKRAINIAN]
♪
[PEOPLE SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES]
♪
Peekaboo. [LAUGHS]
I love you so much.
Mommy's right here.
This is messed up.
♪
I don't see her.
This is a nightmare.
Thought this is just
a shitty sci-fi cliché.
[HYDRAULICS WHOOSHING, DOOR SLAMS]
♪
Mommy loves you.
♪
[BABY WHIMPERING]
♪
- Baby.
- You're so wonderful.
We will always be together.
♪
You're getting so big.
I will always protect you.
- Oh, God.
- Mommy loves you.
I love you so much.
My precious little boy.
Aren't you a pretty baby?
♪
What the hell is taking them so long?
They'll be here.
Screw this.
I'm gonna find her myself.
♪
Aren't you a pretty baby?
Mommy's right here.
Where is she?
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.
- D'arcy?
- Come on.
You're my precious little girl.
You are the sweetest little girl.
You are so wonderful.
I love you so much.
Oh, there she is!
- [SQUEALS]
- [GRUNTS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Run, D'arcy!
[GRUNTING]
No! No!
No! Please!
Give me my baby!
Please don't do this!
I'm her mother!
Mommy's right here.
You're getting so big.
Oh, look at your pretty little eyes.
♪
I should just kill you right here
for infiltrating my base
and murdering my team.
You're quite the dangerous man.
But, then, you're not actually
a man, are you?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I just destroyed
the Greys' Yellowstone plan.
They're gonna kill me anyway, so
go ahead and do it first.
Can't.
You have something I want.
What?
A portal.
♪
D'arcy?
D'arcy, where are you?
Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪
♪
- D'arcy.
- Run!
♪
Hey! You're leaving without us?
Yeah, I told him not to shut the door.
We have to leave.
Shut the door.
[TENSE MUSIC]
There's nothing down there for me.
My father's gone. Go.
- I'll try to hold them off.
- Robert!
♪
Where's Bridget?
I do not want to talk about Bridget.
Bridget is gone.
We have to leave.
You're holding a baby.
♪
Long story.
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE WHIRRING]
♪
[BABY CRYING]
♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Okay.
At least we made it off the ship.
♪
Except it's not a ship.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Oh, my God.
♪
Oh, that's not good.
♪
Oh!
They sent a ship after us.
♪
They're shooting.
What's the plan here?
If we make it to Earth's atmosphere,
they may turn back to avoid detection.
A-and what if they don't?
Either we kill them, or they kill us.
[JOAN ARMATRADING'S
"WONCHA COME ON HOME"]
Every light is on ♪
You do know that
meeting me in the middle
was a figure of speech?
I'm looking at that county line,
and I see I'm about
3 feet on your side.
So I feel like I've gone
above and beyond.
Well, maybe if you find
your alien in the forest,
you can come all the way
to Jessup to tell me.
The day I tell you
I done seen an alien
is the day you lock me
in a padded cell.
- [LAUGHS]
- Sheriff?
Come in, Sheriff.
A motorist called about an explosion
at that old high school off of 146.
Might be those kids again.
Copy. I'm nearby. I'm on the way.
So what do you think,
dinner tomorrow night?
Your town or mine?
- Yours, of course.
- Oh, good answer.
- Oh, I like good answers.
- [CHUCKLES]
Baby, won't you come on home ♪
[CHUCKLES] All right.
Baby, won't you come on home ♪
- I'll call you later.
- You better.
♪
So I've been on a spaceship.
You know, Paris doesn't seem
as big a priority now.
Paris is still worth it.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
I know I've been giving you
a hard time in the past
about not taking care of Asta.
But you saved her life.
I'll never forget that.
New rule here.
Harry Vanderspeigle gets
free pie whenever he wants.
Dad, he doesn't pay for it anyway.
It was the gesture.
Hey, I'm really sorry about Bridget.
That has to be the hardest
thing in the world.
I do not care.
I deal with death all the time.
I am a doctor.
I have to go to work this morning
at 9:00 a.m. at the clinic.
I'll probably see death there too.
Oh.
Okay, but do not blame yourself.
You did everything that you could.
Here you go.
- Ah.
- Ooh, fresh pie.
Mm.
Yuck, ew.
Okay, now I know he's upset.
Probably for the best.
If I had to give him free pie,
I'd go out of business.
We have a joke on my planet.
What is the best way
to cloak a ship above Earth?
You do not need to, because humans
are too afraid to look up.
[LAUGHS] It is funnier in my language.
[RODNEY CROWELL'S
"OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WORLD"]
We build our hopes up high ♪
Perchance to someday fly ♪
Across the clear blue sky
to someplace new ♪
But I have discovered that humans
can actually be very brave.
My people risk our lives constantly,
but that is not brave,
because we do not fear death.
Humans are terrified to die,
but they will risk
their precious lives anyway.
It's the thief
Sometimes they risk their
lives for someone they love.
Your neck still sore?
I'm fine.
You don't remember anything?
Oh, what a
No.
Beautiful world
Sometimes they risk their
lives to love themselves more.
♪
Sometimes they are willing
to risk it all
because they think there is
a better life somewhere else.
We live our legends down
Wake up in lost and found
Become that highway sound
and roll on through ♪
♪
Oh, what a ♪
Beautiful world ♪
♪
What the hell is this?
[METALLIC TAPPING]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
And sometimes it is to find the truth.
♪
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
[YELPS]
♪
Holy shit.
♪
This is stupid.
He's your buddy,
and buddies have fights.
Then they make up.
I really hate to say this,
but he's been good for you.
Fine.
Maybe that is what humans
are really searching for,
another human who is willing
to risk their life
for something or someone
they care about,
for someone who may be in trouble.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Max has something to say to you.
[SCREAMS]
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
Because someday
that someone might be you.
[SIGHS]
This is some bullshit!
Bullshit!
Oh, what a ♪
Beautiful world ♪
♪