Search Party (2016) s03e08 Episode Script

1 DREW: "Dory's a whiz" at thinking on her feet.
She can make you believe anything.
When she finds herself in a tight bind, she'll do whatever it takes to deceive those around her, including herself.
Will her story end in finding the redemption she deserves, or will she end up impaled "on a stake in a field?" And is that not great? And I also discovered this morning that if you press her belly DOLL: Hey, could I get a black coffee, And sorry What kind of muffin is that? So, obviously, this person has been stalking me.
And, actually, it's a pretty accurate profile of her, if you ask me.
MARTIN: Yeah, okay.
I can see why you could be scared of this doll.
So, I guess our question for you is, What kind of services do you actually provide? Well, first and foremost, I provide quality protection.
Mm.
Not only do I have 20/20 vision, license to carry this firearm, but I'm also a visual threat.
Okay.
One look at me, and the person that made you that doll isn't gonna want to lay a finger on you.
Can I ask you a question? Yeah.
You two romantically involved? You seem to be very familiar with each other, but, at the same time, like strangers.
Our lawyers have suggested that we stay together for the sake of our public image.
Sorry.
Could you hit the third floor for me, please? - [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
- Ma'am? Sorry, ma'am? What Uh, yeah, never mind.
We passed it.
Obedear, the sky is low Watch fluent seamen rig their rudders Ooh, welcome! - If it isn't our V.
I.
P.
! - Oh, wow.
Here are your entrance champagne flutes.
Oh, hello.
Who is this huge man? Oh, yeah.
Um, it's kind of crazy to say it out loud, but, um I have a stalker.
- Girl.
- Yeah.
So this man is here to protect me.
I know it's a bit of a inconvenience, but so is my life.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's okay.
Safety first.
So, you all are gonna be moving to these stairs - right over here for the wedding photos.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Just right over there.
- Thank you.
- Feel free to post up a storm.
Oh.
Oh, and the hashtag is #1.
2milliondollarwedding.
Amy! Amy! Look at all these cars piling up! You've got a queue of cars here longer than Nixon's dick! You have got to move faster.
You got to drive faster.
I'm not gonna tell you again, okay? I just don't want to hit anybody.
There's a lot of foot traffic, and I don't want to get a scratch on one of these expensive cars.
I've never heard such a made-up excuse for driving slow.
Pick.
Up.
The.
Pace.
I hate her.
I wish you could still hit women.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
Oh, my God! [LAUGHING.]
Hi! - Hey, you guys.
- Hi, Ell.
Hi.
Can you believe it? I'm getting married.
Who gets married? Me, I guess.
Congratulations, buddy.
Drew! Dory! It's me, Marc.
- Hi! - Hi, Marc.
Congratulations.
I want you to meet everybody.
These are my moms, Mercy and Ghost.
- Ghost? - Like "boo".
But my name is unusual, too.
DORY: It's so nice to meet you both.
- And these are my model friends.
- Oh.
Hello.
Do they have names? Yeah, they do.
Okay, last time I'm gonna ask, but am I wearing too much makeup? ELLIOTT: Marc, I told them it needs to read for the back of the house.
Okay.
I can't make myself any more clear.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
PATRICK: Twinks! Twinks! - Eyes up.
- All right.
Now, I need you all inside quickly.
The kitchen is down the hall, to the left, and people are thirsty! We need those liability waivers signed ASAP.
Yeah.
No giggling or snerking.
Okay, quickly! Hands out of pockets, but not too flippy.
Hm-hm-hm.
Yes.
Yes, windblown.
I like it.
All right.
Sweetie.
Sweetie.
Sweetie, yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna actually move you over here so you can get cozy with your blond friend.
No.
Get co Yeah, yeah.
Cozy with your blond friend.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Yep.
Right over there.
Okay, let's actually try this.
Portia, I want you just to drape your arm over Dory.
I don't really want to drape.
No, no, no, drape.
It's gonna look so pretty.
Yeah, drape it.
Great.
I'm loving that.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
Yes, yes.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I just need you to know that I'm still very upset - with you for testifying against us.
- That was beautiful.
And I guess I'm just wondering how long I have to wait for an apology.
I did what God asked of me, and I don't feel like I need to apologize to a sinner, to be honest.
Oh, my God! You guys look awesome! But there's actually a gap right there that someone needs to fill.
- No, no, Chantal.
- Just Just Wait.
This is just for the grooms' party.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Oh, my God.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, okay, yeah.
Um, oh, hello.
Excuse me, miss.
Shouldn't you be plating some egg rolls? Oh, yes.
Of course.
My apologies.
I got lost on my way to the kitchen.
Oh.
What a riveting novel you must be crafting.
Grab a tray.
Mm.
I just feel like I can't go anywhere anymore without looking - over my shoulder, you know? - Mm.
Just It's awful, really.
I'm just I'm so jumpy.
- Mm.
- Like, even if somebody just taps me on the shoulder, - I think, "Oh, my God, is, like " - [GASPS.]
- is this gonna be "an assault?" - Mm, mm.
I just never thought that being so known was gonna feel so dangerous.
Wow.
So scary.
- Are you okay? - Hey.
Do not touch her.
- It's okay.
- She didn't know.
I-I really appreciate your support.
Totally.
Um, sorry if is, like, tacky, but, um, could I have an autograph? - Of course.
- Okay.
Should I make it out to you or to somebody else? Absolutely.
So, that's where my business comes in, so He Um So, essentially, like, we swoop in and scoop up deteriorated singles.
And provide them with five-star living situations until they can get back on their feet.
It's foolproof.
The tricky party is getting the money.
Mm.
Ew.
Is this vanilla? Do Do you not have, like, a bubble gum or, like, some kind of, like, tropical citrus flavor? That's ridiculous! - I'm sorry.
- Ugh! I couldn't help but overhear that you have big ideas.
Mm-hmm.
I do! William Badpastor.
Investor.
Chantal Witherbottom.
Inventor.
Aha! [LAUGHS.]
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS.]
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
Everything, um, okay? I'm at my big fabulous wedding.
It's the best day of my life.
Yeah.
You seem a little isolated.
Hm, well, I've had a lot to think about [CHUCKLES.]
lately.
I mean, it was only recently I discovered everything I know about my fiancé is a total lie.
Yeah, I feel you.
I really, really feel you.
It's good, though.
It's good.
Because, like, I think a part of me knew I was being lied to, and I kind of liked it.
I think I'm worried that I'm, like, addicted to being psychologically abused or something.
Yeah.
Can we hug? Yeah, I would love that.
Now, this is your first business venture, right? Well, not if you count my lemonade stand.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
You're funny.
Aww.
And you're smart.
Oh.
But are you smart enough to have registered your business as a 603 D4 Non-Profit? Yes.
Of course.
I already have.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, that's interesting because that doesn't exist.
I made it up.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Umm oops? No, no.
It's fine.
I like that about you.
Oh! Now, here is my business card.
[GASPS.]
I'm gonna look forward to your call.
Let's make billions.
Oh, my [LAUGHS.]
Wow.
[LAUGHS.]
- No, no, sorry.
- No, not for you.
It's for someone else.
No.
Oh, excuse me.
Hi.
Mint Julep? No, I'm all right.
I'm still working on this one.
Oh, well, let me take that one for you so you can have a fresh one.
Okay, thank you.
Taste it.
Mmm.
Very good.
Dory, we need you in the grooms' party.
The ceremony's about to begin.
Ah.
Okay, right.
I'm part of the ceremony.
I forgot.
Do you mind taking this? Thank you.
In here.
["I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU" PLAYS.]
Close your eyes Make a wish And blow out the candlelight For tonight is your night We're gonna celebrate All through the night Pour the wine Light the fire Girl, your wish is my command I'll submit to your demands Those are all my closest friends.
You need only ask I'll make love to you - Like you want me to - [GUESTS GASP.]
- And I'll hold you tight - Ooh! Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll not let you go till you tell me to I'll make love to you! Like you want me to! I will hold you tight, Marc, Elliott, all through the night.
- I'll make love to you - [GASPS.]
Like you want me to And I'll not let you go till you tell me to I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll not let you go till you tell me to Ashley, do you have eyes on Marc? That would be a negative.
Like you want me to Come on, Marc! Come on out! Don't be shy! I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night - I'll make love to you - Oh, good Lord.
- Is this really happening? - Like you want me to I can't take this.
This is so uncomfortable.
Till you tell me to-o-o-o-o Close your eyes Make a wish [SOFTLY.]
Drew.
Find him.
Check the grooms' suite.
Okay.
Find him.
He's not coming.
- It came true.
- Marc? All through the night Pour the wine Marc?! Light the fire Girl, your wish is my command What's going on? I don't know.
I'll submit to your demands Marc! Hold you tight Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll not let you go till you tell me to I'll make love to you Like you want me to - My God, it's so embarrassing.
- It's okay.
This is stupid.
Portia.
I'll make love to you Like you want me to Portia.
Stop.
And I'll hold you tight - Baby, all through the night - Portia, stop! I'll make love Portia!! Stop singing! [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Get a clue 'cause Patrick, Ashley, send everyone home.
Can't do that.
Tell him we can't do that.
Oh, boy.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
So, I've just been informed that we contractually have to keep partying until 11:59.
So enjoy! I'll make love to you [YOUNG ELLIOTT CRYING.]
You okay? Yeah.
Could you just give me some, like, ginger ale or something? Thanks.
[BREATHES DEEPLY, GROANS.]
[COUGHING.]
Just a minute! [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[SIGHS.]
I said "hang on"! Jesus.
Hi.
Sorry.
I didn't hear you.
Do you have the glue for my shoe? No, I do not.
[SCREAMING.]
Did you eat the pudding cups, too? - Mm.
- Oh, I think they were bad.
[VOMITING.]
[GAGS.]
[VOMITING.]
This is what you get when you hurt my best friend.
Bad girl.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS.]
- PORTIA: [WHIMPERS.]
- Oh.
[MUFFLED CRYING.]
You're up.
Good.
[MUFFLED SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES.]
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS.]
Adam, can you turn the music down? Thanks, babe.
Thank you.
Okay, ahh, I have to read this.
"Marc and I are pleased to announce Tonight's Bagel Bites and Ben & Jerry's raffle winner.
Bagel Bites and Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream has always proudly supported LGBTQIA rights and would like to congratulate Elliott and Marc "on their exquisite union.
" That is sort of sweet.
Okay, the winning raffle-ticket number is number 5178.
[WOMAN SCREAMS IN DISTANCE.]
Sorry.
Does anyone have ticket 5178? [WOMAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE.]
Okay.
[SCOFFS.]
What is that? Does Does that sound like Portia to you? I dunno.
Okay, Adam.
There's something weird with the audio.
Someone's having sex, and I think we can hear it.
Yeah, it's a hot mic.
I'll cut that line.
Wait.
I-Is that Portia's mic? WOMAN: Oh, no! Oh, no.
You know, it sounds like It sounds like something's wrong.
Okay, well, where is she? - [CRYING.]
No! - Oh! Okay, I need everyone to find Portia! Everyone on their feet! Go, Drew, go.
No! Go! Look for her! [CRYING.]
[SQUEAKING.]
[MUFFLED.]
No! Please.
Mmm.
They're hungry.
They haven't eaten in days, and they have quite a sweet tooth.
No! Portia?! Portia? Where are you?! Portia! Marc? [PORTIA SCREAMING.]
Portia? Portia! I found her! You guys, I found her! Help me! Uh-oh.
What did I do?! [SCREAMS.]
Portia! Step back.
- Oh! - Okay.
- [FOOT POUNDS.]
- Not a part of the plan.
Guys, I gotta go.
No! You got this! [GRUNTS.]
Oh! Whoa! - Portia! - [GASPS.]
Portia! Portia! Oh, my God! Get her out of Portia, Portia, Portia! - Okay.
It's okay! - Oh, my God! They didn't eat me! They went for the pudding cups! DORY: Wait.
Portia, what happened? What happened? The Twink! The Twink! Okay! What Twink?! Where?! He went that way! Get him! Get him! Oh, my God! Hey! - Dory! - I'm sorry.
Dory, thank you for saving me! I love you.
I almost got eaten by rats! Oh, my God.
- [CRYING.]
I'm sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- I'm sorry! - I love you.
- I love you! I love you so much.
- I love you, girl.
I don't care what flavors you said.
I said never use that pudding cup company again.
- Hey! - People always throw up.
I don't know what's happening? Freeze! Stop! - Aah! Aah! Aah! - Oh! Oh, my God.
Oh! Damn! [VOICE BREAKING.]
Is he dead? [SOBBING.]
I killed a Twinkie.
[CRYING.]
They told me to drive faster.
Arrest that valet! Is it dreading in the back? No, babe, it's okay.
I'm just I'm I'm trying.
I don't really know how to get - all the honey out of your hair, but.
.
- Yeah.
Aww, Dory.
You're so sweet.
- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.
I don't want you to go to jail now.
I know.
Me neither.
I just wish there was a way to take back everything you said But I guess it's a little too late for that now.
- [CELLPHONE BUZZES.]
- I feel bad.
- Damn, this honey is strong.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
ELLIOTT: I feel that, too, given the circumstances of my day.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to be insensitive.
- Oh, you're doing good.
- Hey.
DONNA: Hi.
This is Donna Lynn from Mount Sinai.
I'm just calling you back with an update about a patient you were inquiring about.
Come over here.
It's good that you found out now - before you have kids.
- DREW: It's okay.
- Were you ever gonna have kids? - No.
DREW: Hey, guys.
Uh So, that guy, he's he's dead.
- Yay! - Oh, my God.
- Portia, aren't you a Christian? - What? - Oh.
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
- Sorry.
I don't know, guys.
I feel like I'm not a good Christian.
- Like, I'm trying.
- Mm.
My Christian friends are all so lame and, like, will not talk any shit about anyone with me.
And then when I say anything sarcastic, They just look at me like they don't get it.
And I don't really know what I'm supposed to do.
Thank you guys for spending the night with me.
Obviously feeling particularly unlovable right now, so it's just very nice to have my close friends around.
Mm.
Even though we are all at legal odds with each other.
DORY: Yeah.
I honestly don't think there's anything that could tear us apart now.
[CROOKED COLOURS' "I'LL BE THERE" PLAYS.]
When you're holding on April?! This is my weekly check-in to see if you're home! Doors are always closed Always, golden arrow Looks like you're not here again.
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh [SIGHS.]
Still calling your fire Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh We'll be all right [GASPS.]
I'll be here For you I'll be here