Secret Diary of a Call Girl s03e08 Episode Script
Episode 8
Hi, Richard.
Bambi.
- Yes? - Would you like to see me again? I'd love to.
This is Dunkie Duncan.
This is Duncan.
He's my boyfriend.
'Clients, like most people, can get stuck in a routine.
David, old favourite and plastic surgeon ' Good with his hands.
# Good morning, good morning, to you.
' Ahhhh Don't you ever fancy something different? - Why don't you like this? - No, no, no, it's fine.
It's just You look a bit bored.
- What? - It's the same thing every booking.
- Well, I like it.
- Yeah, but - Why do you always settle for erm - A hand shandy? Exactly.
When you can try some champagne? Come on, there must be something else you'd like.
Some secret desire, some itch you'd like me to scratch.
What is it? Come on.
Tell me.
I don't judge, I'm impossible to embarrass and this is the one place you can be completely honest.
Come on.
(Whisper it.
) - Oh! - Is that OK? (LAUGHS) Yeah.
You know me, anything goes.
# It's not the way you smile that # Have you ever done it before? Medical school.
Christmas Review.
- I sang South Pacific in suspenders.
- Nice (!) Not for the audience.
I still remember the feel of them.
It was tight, smooth Have you ever worn women's underwear since? I did ask a girlfriend once.
- Well, I didn't exactly ask.
- It didn't go down well? She jumped to certain assumptions.
She made out I was some kind of- Cross-dressing deviant latent homosexual.
Exactly.
And I'm not.
At least not on a week day.
- Don't laugh.
- I won't.
Oh! Wow.
How does it feel? - Unbelievable.
- It should do.
- Pure silk.
- Oh, God - Sheer tulle.
- Christ - Chantilly lace.
- Oh.
- Satin bows.
- Mmmmm Everyone's got something.
It's just a case of finding out what it is.
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Eventually, the truth will out.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Now, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to panic, but this is actually our wedding day.
- Hannah - No, no.
Don't worry, it's all sorted.
The vicar's a sweetie, your mum's hat is a triumph and I've written your vows, top pocket.
'Weddings bring out the best in people even if you don't follow all the traditions.
Who said you had to be a be a virgin to wear white? You don't have to be a prince to marry a princess.
And not all fairy godmothers carry a wand.
' Hello.
Bambi! You OK? Yeah, I'm just not sure where I'm supposed to be.
- Do you want me to find out? - Yes.
OK.
(What the hell are you doing here? I can't believe you came!) - I didn't have much choice.
- Couldn't you have made up some excuse? I did try.
Believe me.
- Hannah.
- Oh, hi.
Did you get my missed calls? Or is your phone? No, no, I got them.
All 27 of them.
I was just checking to see which room we're in.
It's the Westminster Room.
Just up there.
- Nice list! - It's just in case I forget anything.
- Mm.
Best man.
It's an important job.
- Yep.
Well, I best get back to Byron.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Bambi's nervous as a kitten.
- Are kittens nervous? - Maybe.
You know if there's a dog around.
Good afternoon.
Duncan, this is Stephanie.
Stephanie, this is Duncan.
Stephanie is erm Mother of the bride.
Pleased to meet you.
Belle, a word? How does two weeks in the Maldives sound? The most fascinating client.
Jesus, Stephanie.
This is a wedding and in case you haven't noticed I have a boyfriend.
I can't just disappear off.
Oh, what a shame.
- Did I mention he has his own island? - I'm really sorry, I can't.
But thanks for thinking of me.
It's very kind of you.
Well, you know me: 60% heart.
40% commission.
- Rings? - In here.
You all right? Who needs family when you've got friends, right? Oh, actually I wanted to erm give you this.
Gear! Byron, really not the time.
No, I want you to look after it, until after.
Right.
Of course.
I don't want it to be blurred, you know? I wanna remember everything today.
Sharp around the edges.
Listen, I know you haven't always been 100% about Byron but I want us all to be friends You, me, Byron Ben.
All that matters is you and Byron.
And that you're sure about this.
I am.
Good.
I'm not even gonna try and explain why, cos I'll just talk too much - and annoy you like I usually do.
- Oh, Bambi I know I try too hard.
I'm always saying the wrong thing and then I see that look in people's eyes - like I'm some kind of annoying fly.
- Oh, don't But with Byron, I never have to stop myself, or try and be something I'm not.
I'm just me.
And that's why I'm sure.
Do you know what? - You're an inspiration.
- What? You just do it, you make the leap.
Maybe that's what I should do with Duncan.
- Belle - Why not? I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep running away from how I feel.
I love him.
Oh fuck.
What? I know him.
He is a punter.
Duncan is a client.
What? I had him the other day.
He called himself Richard.
He booked me.
He said he would book me again.
I am so sorry.
But you should know, shouldn't you? You should know the truth about him before you go falling in love with him.
Oh, Belle.
Registrar's ready.
We're on.
The wedding ring is an unbroken circle.
It has no beginning and no end.
It symbolises your un-ending We have now come to the exchange of rings, which is the traditional way of sealing the contract I, Byron Seebohm, give you this ring, as a symbol of my love.
I, Gloria White, give you this ring, as a symbol of my love 'You are everything.
My best friend.
My Bam-Bam.
Forever.
' 'The day we met was the first time I felt ' I don't need this.
You know how I feel.
And you know why? Cos you are the only one who ever asks.
I love you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) All good? I have to get back to the office.
- Hannah? - No! If you want me, you can pay for me, like you paid for the others.
Is it true? Just tell me.
- Is what true? - Have you slept with Bambi? - Hannah, please- - So you did? You slept with her? You paid for Bambi! - How many times? - Hannah Was it just a one off? Or have you seen her before? I have never been with her before.
But you've been with other escorts? Yep.
Was it because of me? The book? Did I push you towards it? It wasn't the book.
Look, we never said what we had was exclusive.
You sleep with other men, I sleep with other women It's my job! It's what I do! - It's different.
- Is it? How many times? How many times have you been unfaithful since we've been together? - Ten? More than ten? - Hannah More than 20? Who with? Just escorts or other girls? Other writers? Do you fuck all your authors? We all know how you like it over the desk.
Right, downstairs.
Hannah, this doesn't have to get unpleasant.
So, why didn't you tell me if you thought it was all so fine? (SIGHS) Cos I knew it would hurt you.
You knew it would hurt me.
You must have known you were doing something wrong? You don't even make sense! If you look back over our relationship, I never lied to you How can you say that? OK, well you tell me.
When did I ever misrepresent myself? I told you I was a fuck up.
I told you I was no good at this That's your answer, your 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card? 'I told you I was a fuck up, therefore I can behave how I want? Fuck who I want? Lie when I want?' - Hannah- - No, don't touch me! What did you want, Hannah? What did you want me to give you? I wanted honesty! I wanted a man who didn't lie.
- I didn't.
I never lied to you.
- Yes, you did.
And y'know the biggest lie? You told me you loved me.
I did.
I do.
I do love you.
When I said it, I meant it.
And when you were fucking Bambi, did you mean it then? Wh What was I to you? A story? A cash cow? Look into my eyes, tell me you love me, - squeeze me till the words come out! - No, Hannah I'm a whore who has sex for money, who gets judged and looked down on.
But you know what? When I look at you, I can hold my head up high.
I wanted to punch him.
You know like a proper punch.
On the nose.
Crunch.
Blood everywhere.
You'd have probably missed.
Or swung like a girl, arms flailing.
My job is to read men know what they want what they are.
I missed it.
I really didn't see that coming.
I should've listened to you.
Hannah.
Yeah, but you knew.
Not that.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know anything, except I hated his stupid fucking llama face and the way he spoke to me.
I'm sorry.
You know what I hated the most? The way I felt when I saw you together.
MAN: Congratulations.
Gloria's husband.
Started his honeymoon a bit early.
Ben, would you stop calling me that.
I'm sorry, Gloria.
- He did really well today.
- Really well.
You all right, Han? You know what I think would make you feel better? We should break into his office, steal back your book.
It's not written on some giant scroll, Bambi.
I email it.
- Well, then we'll take his computer.
- That's a good idea.
Is it? - She's got a point.
- About what? You still want to do this book? It wasn't ever really about the writing, was it? Not this time.
I just did it cos he wanted me to, and then I got involved.
So write about him.
Your last chapter.
Duncan and his little habit.
Do you want Duncan to be the man who profits from your life story? Right.
- You all done? - Yeah.
Feel better? Maybe.
A bit.
So now We send all.
He's never gonna publish it now.
You sure? Sure.
'What do men want from escorts? Let's start with one man.
Duncan Atwood, my editor, a serial user of prostitutes.
A man who tells stories for a living but doesn't know when to stop.
Some men use escorts because they don't have time for a relationship, or they want something special, something their wives or girlfriends can't offer them.
And some men, like Duncan, use prostitutes because they can.
Because it's easier, a simple exchange, without truth or consequence.
And for Duncan, a man so fundamentally dishonest, he doesn't even know when he is lying, it's the closest to a real relationship he will ever get.
' Come on, Gloria and her husband are taking us out for breakfast.
Belle, make him stop calling me that! I have no control over Ben, never have, never will.
In my job, secrets are unavoidable.
It's who you tell them to that really counts and from now on I keep my secrets with those I love best.
(PHONE RINGS) Hello? Belle? It's Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: Listen, the offer still stands.
The plane leaves at four.
This time tomorrow you could be waking up with the sand beneath your toes and a man between your legs.
Your choice? - OK, bye.
- Come on, then.
I'm starving.
I love my job.
Hey.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Ben? What is it? I'm about to get on the plane.
Look in your bag.
What? Just look in your bag.
- What's going on? - Read it.
'Duncan was a prick.
' 'All your other boyfriends were pricks.
' 'I'm not a prick.
' Ben, what is this? Turn it over.
YOU + ME? Oh.
Ben, I- I can't talk, I forget I got to work.
I know, go, have adventures, see the world Just come back to me.
Wow! Really? Ben? Maybe
Bambi.
- Yes? - Would you like to see me again? I'd love to.
This is Dunkie Duncan.
This is Duncan.
He's my boyfriend.
'Clients, like most people, can get stuck in a routine.
David, old favourite and plastic surgeon ' Good with his hands.
# Good morning, good morning, to you.
' Ahhhh Don't you ever fancy something different? - Why don't you like this? - No, no, no, it's fine.
It's just You look a bit bored.
- What? - It's the same thing every booking.
- Well, I like it.
- Yeah, but - Why do you always settle for erm - A hand shandy? Exactly.
When you can try some champagne? Come on, there must be something else you'd like.
Some secret desire, some itch you'd like me to scratch.
What is it? Come on.
Tell me.
I don't judge, I'm impossible to embarrass and this is the one place you can be completely honest.
Come on.
(Whisper it.
) - Oh! - Is that OK? (LAUGHS) Yeah.
You know me, anything goes.
# It's not the way you smile that # Have you ever done it before? Medical school.
Christmas Review.
- I sang South Pacific in suspenders.
- Nice (!) Not for the audience.
I still remember the feel of them.
It was tight, smooth Have you ever worn women's underwear since? I did ask a girlfriend once.
- Well, I didn't exactly ask.
- It didn't go down well? She jumped to certain assumptions.
She made out I was some kind of- Cross-dressing deviant latent homosexual.
Exactly.
And I'm not.
At least not on a week day.
- Don't laugh.
- I won't.
Oh! Wow.
How does it feel? - Unbelievable.
- It should do.
- Pure silk.
- Oh, God - Sheer tulle.
- Christ - Chantilly lace.
- Oh.
- Satin bows.
- Mmmmm Everyone's got something.
It's just a case of finding out what it is.
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Eventually, the truth will out.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Now, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to panic, but this is actually our wedding day.
- Hannah - No, no.
Don't worry, it's all sorted.
The vicar's a sweetie, your mum's hat is a triumph and I've written your vows, top pocket.
'Weddings bring out the best in people even if you don't follow all the traditions.
Who said you had to be a be a virgin to wear white? You don't have to be a prince to marry a princess.
And not all fairy godmothers carry a wand.
' Hello.
Bambi! You OK? Yeah, I'm just not sure where I'm supposed to be.
- Do you want me to find out? - Yes.
OK.
(What the hell are you doing here? I can't believe you came!) - I didn't have much choice.
- Couldn't you have made up some excuse? I did try.
Believe me.
- Hannah.
- Oh, hi.
Did you get my missed calls? Or is your phone? No, no, I got them.
All 27 of them.
I was just checking to see which room we're in.
It's the Westminster Room.
Just up there.
- Nice list! - It's just in case I forget anything.
- Mm.
Best man.
It's an important job.
- Yep.
Well, I best get back to Byron.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Bambi's nervous as a kitten.
- Are kittens nervous? - Maybe.
You know if there's a dog around.
Good afternoon.
Duncan, this is Stephanie.
Stephanie, this is Duncan.
Stephanie is erm Mother of the bride.
Pleased to meet you.
Belle, a word? How does two weeks in the Maldives sound? The most fascinating client.
Jesus, Stephanie.
This is a wedding and in case you haven't noticed I have a boyfriend.
I can't just disappear off.
Oh, what a shame.
- Did I mention he has his own island? - I'm really sorry, I can't.
But thanks for thinking of me.
It's very kind of you.
Well, you know me: 60% heart.
40% commission.
- Rings? - In here.
You all right? Who needs family when you've got friends, right? Oh, actually I wanted to erm give you this.
Gear! Byron, really not the time.
No, I want you to look after it, until after.
Right.
Of course.
I don't want it to be blurred, you know? I wanna remember everything today.
Sharp around the edges.
Listen, I know you haven't always been 100% about Byron but I want us all to be friends You, me, Byron Ben.
All that matters is you and Byron.
And that you're sure about this.
I am.
Good.
I'm not even gonna try and explain why, cos I'll just talk too much - and annoy you like I usually do.
- Oh, Bambi I know I try too hard.
I'm always saying the wrong thing and then I see that look in people's eyes - like I'm some kind of annoying fly.
- Oh, don't But with Byron, I never have to stop myself, or try and be something I'm not.
I'm just me.
And that's why I'm sure.
Do you know what? - You're an inspiration.
- What? You just do it, you make the leap.
Maybe that's what I should do with Duncan.
- Belle - Why not? I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep running away from how I feel.
I love him.
Oh fuck.
What? I know him.
He is a punter.
Duncan is a client.
What? I had him the other day.
He called himself Richard.
He booked me.
He said he would book me again.
I am so sorry.
But you should know, shouldn't you? You should know the truth about him before you go falling in love with him.
Oh, Belle.
Registrar's ready.
We're on.
The wedding ring is an unbroken circle.
It has no beginning and no end.
It symbolises your un-ending We have now come to the exchange of rings, which is the traditional way of sealing the contract I, Byron Seebohm, give you this ring, as a symbol of my love.
I, Gloria White, give you this ring, as a symbol of my love 'You are everything.
My best friend.
My Bam-Bam.
Forever.
' 'The day we met was the first time I felt ' I don't need this.
You know how I feel.
And you know why? Cos you are the only one who ever asks.
I love you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) All good? I have to get back to the office.
- Hannah? - No! If you want me, you can pay for me, like you paid for the others.
Is it true? Just tell me.
- Is what true? - Have you slept with Bambi? - Hannah, please- - So you did? You slept with her? You paid for Bambi! - How many times? - Hannah Was it just a one off? Or have you seen her before? I have never been with her before.
But you've been with other escorts? Yep.
Was it because of me? The book? Did I push you towards it? It wasn't the book.
Look, we never said what we had was exclusive.
You sleep with other men, I sleep with other women It's my job! It's what I do! - It's different.
- Is it? How many times? How many times have you been unfaithful since we've been together? - Ten? More than ten? - Hannah More than 20? Who with? Just escorts or other girls? Other writers? Do you fuck all your authors? We all know how you like it over the desk.
Right, downstairs.
Hannah, this doesn't have to get unpleasant.
So, why didn't you tell me if you thought it was all so fine? (SIGHS) Cos I knew it would hurt you.
You knew it would hurt me.
You must have known you were doing something wrong? You don't even make sense! If you look back over our relationship, I never lied to you How can you say that? OK, well you tell me.
When did I ever misrepresent myself? I told you I was a fuck up.
I told you I was no good at this That's your answer, your 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card? 'I told you I was a fuck up, therefore I can behave how I want? Fuck who I want? Lie when I want?' - Hannah- - No, don't touch me! What did you want, Hannah? What did you want me to give you? I wanted honesty! I wanted a man who didn't lie.
- I didn't.
I never lied to you.
- Yes, you did.
And y'know the biggest lie? You told me you loved me.
I did.
I do.
I do love you.
When I said it, I meant it.
And when you were fucking Bambi, did you mean it then? Wh What was I to you? A story? A cash cow? Look into my eyes, tell me you love me, - squeeze me till the words come out! - No, Hannah I'm a whore who has sex for money, who gets judged and looked down on.
But you know what? When I look at you, I can hold my head up high.
I wanted to punch him.
You know like a proper punch.
On the nose.
Crunch.
Blood everywhere.
You'd have probably missed.
Or swung like a girl, arms flailing.
My job is to read men know what they want what they are.
I missed it.
I really didn't see that coming.
I should've listened to you.
Hannah.
Yeah, but you knew.
Not that.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know anything, except I hated his stupid fucking llama face and the way he spoke to me.
I'm sorry.
You know what I hated the most? The way I felt when I saw you together.
MAN: Congratulations.
Gloria's husband.
Started his honeymoon a bit early.
Ben, would you stop calling me that.
I'm sorry, Gloria.
- He did really well today.
- Really well.
You all right, Han? You know what I think would make you feel better? We should break into his office, steal back your book.
It's not written on some giant scroll, Bambi.
I email it.
- Well, then we'll take his computer.
- That's a good idea.
Is it? - She's got a point.
- About what? You still want to do this book? It wasn't ever really about the writing, was it? Not this time.
I just did it cos he wanted me to, and then I got involved.
So write about him.
Your last chapter.
Duncan and his little habit.
Do you want Duncan to be the man who profits from your life story? Right.
- You all done? - Yeah.
Feel better? Maybe.
A bit.
So now We send all.
He's never gonna publish it now.
You sure? Sure.
'What do men want from escorts? Let's start with one man.
Duncan Atwood, my editor, a serial user of prostitutes.
A man who tells stories for a living but doesn't know when to stop.
Some men use escorts because they don't have time for a relationship, or they want something special, something their wives or girlfriends can't offer them.
And some men, like Duncan, use prostitutes because they can.
Because it's easier, a simple exchange, without truth or consequence.
And for Duncan, a man so fundamentally dishonest, he doesn't even know when he is lying, it's the closest to a real relationship he will ever get.
' Come on, Gloria and her husband are taking us out for breakfast.
Belle, make him stop calling me that! I have no control over Ben, never have, never will.
In my job, secrets are unavoidable.
It's who you tell them to that really counts and from now on I keep my secrets with those I love best.
(PHONE RINGS) Hello? Belle? It's Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: Listen, the offer still stands.
The plane leaves at four.
This time tomorrow you could be waking up with the sand beneath your toes and a man between your legs.
Your choice? - OK, bye.
- Come on, then.
I'm starving.
I love my job.
Hey.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Ben? What is it? I'm about to get on the plane.
Look in your bag.
What? Just look in your bag.
- What's going on? - Read it.
'Duncan was a prick.
' 'All your other boyfriends were pricks.
' 'I'm not a prick.
' Ben, what is this? Turn it over.
YOU + ME? Oh.
Ben, I- I can't talk, I forget I got to work.
I know, go, have adventures, see the world Just come back to me.
Wow! Really? Ben? Maybe