Strangers with Candy (1999) s03e08 Episode Script

1
Oh, whoa, look at this.
Ladies, shake it up!
[WHISTLING]
You look tired, why don't
you take a nap on my face?
Tittie show!
Woo-hoo!
Those guys are disgusting.
They make me sick.
They're beasts.
I'll check you out later, girls.
I'd like to tenderize that meat.
Damn, that looks nice.
Hey baby, how's your 'giney.
You're so dirty.
Oh, yes we are.
Whoa!
Ooohhh! Yeah!
[ALL CLAMORING]
Hello!
I'm Jerri Blank.
32 years ago, I dropped
out of high school
and ran away from home.
Oh, I made a lot of friends
Did a lot of time.
I was a boozer
A user
And a loser.
I stole the T.V
Did some more time.
But now I'm back in school!
And though the faces
may have changed
The hassles are just the same.
BLACKMAN [ON P.A.]: Our next
match, is in the 126-pound weight class.
From Flatpoint, Derrick Blank.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[FANFARE]
And the young girl
he'll be wrestling, Trudy.
[CROWD BOOING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Oh, and it's another take down.
Blank takes her down again.
Two points.
[CLUNK]
Ow, ow, owww!
Ohhh!
He's going for the pin
One, two, Derrick Blank wins!
[CROWD ROARING]
Spit 'em, put 'em up,
put 'em up, put 'em up ♪
[WHINING ALONG WITH THE BASS]
yeeeahh ♪
[TRYING TO SCAT]
[HIGH PITCHED]
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
done ♪
[CHEERING]
Oh, that was way too much.
Out there!
You girls are gone!
Jerri, don't look now.
It's that kid from study hall.
He's got a huge crush on you.
Where?
Good match, huh?
Oh yeah, it's gonna take a while
for her to walk that one off.
I was wondering if
you'd like to go
to the mall after school, maybe?
And get a Char Cheddar Chili Fry
from Cheezy Polish or something.
Oh, you found my weakness,
fatty salted fried things.
Hey Blank, it's weird to see you
on this side of the bleachers.
You're usually under them,
on top of someone else.
Good one, Skeet.
Me and the boys are going to
hang out in Drake's basement.
What do you say you come with
and, uh, do stuff to us.
Count me in.
You know, oh, actually
I better take a rain check.
I'm going to the mall today.
Well, if you change your mind.
We'll be there,
and we are inexperienced, angry
and have no respect for women.
Okay, don't be strangers.
See ya, slut bag.
Anyway, maybe when
we're at the mall,
we can sit in the
photo booth together.
Jerri, I just remembered,
I can't go to the mall,
I gotta go
wash my grandmother.
Jerri!
You shouldn't let those
creeps talk to you like that.
I think Larry's kinda cute.
No, I meant those guys
with all the trash talk.
Oh, Tammala, it's just some
harmless degrading ribbing.
No it's not, Jerri!
It's sexual harassment!
Those guys scared away another
potentially nice boyfriend.
P.A.: Let's give our
Flatpoint wrestlers a big hand.
[APPLAUSE & CHEERING]
That was stratospheric.
Let's all hit
the showers, girls.
Thanks, Jazzy.
Girls uh
I have just a few notes
that I, uh
Ohhh, where did you come from?
Ohhh, that's right,
I put you there.
All right.
I'm going, I'm going.
[SMACK]
Ha, ha, ha.
Look out! I almost
got you in the muffin.
Jerri
You can't let those guys talk
to you like that anymore,
it's wrong.
You need to tell them to stop,
and that you don't like it.
So I should pretend
that I don't like it?
You don't like it!
Oh yeah, right.
I'll see you on the bus.
Later, Nuttage.
Maybe sexual harassment
is wrong.
Ah!
Gotcha right in the cranberry.
[SCATTING BADLY ♪]
Done ♪
Stop! Take five.
Smoke 'em, if you got 'em, hmm.
Jerrriii!
You're comin' in a little
too soft on that top note.
I want you to attack it.
Get into a drunken brawl
with that note.
Smack it around.
Leave a welt.
Make that note think twice about
the next time it looks
at another man, hmm.
All right, everybody,
I wanna hip you to
this new cat's
goin' be joinin' the band.
He goes by, Miles.
He plays the cow bell.
Give us a little taste.
[CLANK]
[CLANK]
[CLANK]
[CLANK]
Oh, did you hear that?
You can almost milk that cow.
So fresh!
We better have you pasteurized
before you spoil.
[BELL RINGING]
All right everybody,
remember our big jazz recital,
Saturday.
That's it for today.
[PLOP]
Hello, I'm Jerri.
Name's Miles.
Mmm
Ohhhhh
You got me this time.
You too fast for me!
I like the way you
bang your bell.
Thanks, I like what you
can do with your mouth.
Fight it.
So, uh, Miles, I guess we'll
be seeing a lot of each other.
Yeah.
You have a great feel for jazz.
Who are your influences?
Ooh, let's see,
"Lee Harvey Oswald", ahh,
oh, "Tony the Big Tuna Acarto",
and, Uhh, "Chuckles Manson".
You know, the greats.
Well, I meant musically.
Who-who moves you?
I guess after today,
I'd have to say Miles.
Hey, you wanna hang out later?
Uh, I don't have time.
I just wanted to
Are you listening?
I don't have time.
As most of you already know,
I am Mr. Noblet.
I will be taking over for
Coach Wolf's health class today
while she's out with
some sort of internal
Girly problem.
Okay.
Today we will be studying
parts of the
Vagina.
Now, I'm a little bit
rusty in this area,
so why don't one of you come
up here and draw it on the board?
Shannon, [SNAPS] You're up.
Come on
[WHISPERING]
Psst, Tammi.
Tammi.
Tammi.
You convinced me to be
fed up with those guys.
I want them to stop,
but they won't,
and I'm afraid if Miles hears
them, he'll lose interest in me
before he even gets a chance
to lose interest in me.
Jerri, you need to talk to
somebody here at school.
I'm sure all the teachers
are very sensitive
to this kind of issue.
Oh my God, is that
what yours looks like?
Well, not really.
I just sort of
Sort of what?
Sit down!
[SHUDDERINGLY]
Uggghhh!
Somebody else give it a shot.
Who's got a pretty one?
Susie, you look clean,
come on up here.
[CACKLING]
SKEET: Well, if it
isn't the Sperm Blank.
Guess what?
We wrote a little poetry
about you in the boys' john.
I think you'll admire
our rhyme scheme,
and iambic scansion.
Did ya'?
Miles!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
[NERVOUSLY]
Tammala, Miles.
Hey, hi, Jerri.
Well, what are you doing?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Uh, listen, Miles,
I was wondering if maybe you
wanted to go for a walk,
you and me.
Maybe somewhere far, far away.
Get some fresh air.
Yeah, we could go in a second,
I really have to go.
Yeah, well 'bout that,
well maybe we could go
for a walk first,
and then you could go.
Miles!
[ALARM WHOOPING]
JELLINECK:
Ahhhh! Ahhhhh!
I have children!
Make room, gangway!
Move your monkey ass!
So they've been bothering me
every day.
It's called
Sexual harassment.
So, what do you want from me?
I want you to stop them.
Law suit.
You gonna sue the school.
Well, bring it on.
I love a good fight.
I don't wanna sue.
I just want the things that
they're saying to stop.
They've been spreading
lies about you?
Not, exactly.
But they wrote nasty stuff
in the boy's bathroom stall.
Look Blank,
I can't suppress the artistic
impulses of my students.
Hell, I've written
a lot of things myself
I'm not so proud of,
in that exact stall.
I was just sitting there,
with nothing to do.
I-I had a Sharpie,
and things just started to flow.
I realized I had quite
a flair for rhyming.
Well, can I paint over it?
I can't allow you
to do that Blank,
it would insult
my custodial staff.
It would suggest they
Weren't capable.
Could they paint over it?
They aren't capable.
Uck!
Well, another problem solved.
We didn't solve anything.
Yeah sure we did,
you're leaving.
Ugghhh!
[PHONE RINGING]
Oh baby, I was
hoping it was you.
Oh, the sound of your voice
titillates me.
Bring it in.
Here's your mail,
Principal Blackman.
You look just as fine goin' out
as you do comin' in.
[BELL RINGING]
So, you excited about the
concert tomorrow night?
Yeah, I guess.
What is going on, Miles?
I thought you really liked me.
I do, Jerri.
I just get the feeling you
don't wanna talk to me.
You're acting so weird.
No, I wanna talk to you.
I'm not acting weird.
[STUTTERING]
Get out!
Go on! Get out of
this hallway.
Go leave me alone!
Hey Blank, what did you
think of our little sonnet?
I am warning you, Skeet.
What are you gonna do,
Jerri skank?
I will re-warn you until
you can be warned no more.
Wait'll you see the little
celebration of your "slutitude""
that we got planned for
you at the jazz recital.
It will be a clear indictment
of our stunted
emotional development.
Quandary.
What's "quandary" mean?
AAA!
Eee!
III
Ohh!
You!
Mr. Jellineck, can I
please put on a robe?
Why don't we just put a
robe on the Mona Lisa?
There is a robe on
the Mona Lisa.
That's my point exactly.
That's how Rembrandt ruined it.
Okay, people.
Make sure and follow
the curves of the body,
paying special attention to those
adorable pert young teenage breasts.
MALE STUDENTS:
Woo! Yeah!
Hey! Listen, guys!
Focus on your drawings
or I will have you staying in
here all night
sketching naked girls.
And I mean it!
Jerri, why aren't you drawing?
Could I talk to you
for a second?
Out in the hallway.
Keep your eyes on that girl.
What's on your mind, Jerri?
I'm being sexually harassed
and no one cares.
At this school?
They wrote something on the
stall in the boys' bathroom.
Boys' bathroom.
I better take a look.
I have to go somewhere
with Jerri,
so I'm gonna leave you here
alone with this naked high school girl.
Stravula, stay perfectly still.
You know something.
I better grab Chuck Noblet.
We've been looking for an excuse
to go into that boys bathroom
for a while
just to make sure
everything's
You know, all right.
Now, the Japanese at Nanking
Chuck, would you come
with me to the, uh
Boys' bathroom.
Right you are.
Hold perfectly still.
Mr. Noblet,
could I put a robe on?
No!
[TOILET FLUSHING]
Well, what'd you think?
That, is the most sexually
degrading experience
I have ever been a party to.
Amen.
Are you gonna be able
to stop the boys
who put that on
the bathroom stall?
Ohhhh.
Ohhhh
Right. The stall.
We didn't get a chance
chance to take a look.
Why don't we go back in there?
I'm right behind you.
Jerri, this might take awhile.
You might not wanna hang out.
Yeah, we gotta closely
scrutinize that um
Stall.
Right, yeah.
Boys.
Mother, I'm thinking
about leaving school.
Oh, does that mean you'll
be leaving home too?
No, I'll probably be
spending more time here.
You now, Jerri, I'm concerned
about this leaving school business,
what's going on?
I'm being sexually harassed.
Well, congratulations.
That seems like a positive step
that someone finds you
sexual enough to harass.
No, it's destroying me.
They won't leave me alone!
Oh, I find that hard to believe.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
It's for you.
Who is it?
I don't know, just a
bunch of heavy breathing.
That's them. I don't
wanna talk to 'em.
Who is this?
Hello, Skeet.
How are you?
Sure, she's here.
Skeet. That's him.
That's the one.
Oh, I don't believe that.
He's a perfectly charming boy.
He once told me,
that I have "monster jugs".
Go ahead.
Talk to him.
Hello.
Tomorrow at the recital,
it happens.
A masterpiece of degrading
mockery, and believe you me,
it's going to be a
mindless, hormonal expression
of misplaced rage.
What to do?
Scatilly sadily doo ♪
skiddly bee bop ♪
boo hoo hoo ♪
Ella? Ella?
No, it's just me, Jazzy.
Oh, what's wrong, little girl?
Why so sad before
the big jazz recital?
You was really
scattin' the blues.
There's only three things I know
that can cause a person
to wail so mournfully.
A lack of heroin
Someone makin' off
with your junk, yeah.
And not having heroin.
Is it any of those?
No
A bunch of boys are coming
to sexually harass me tonight,
and I'm afraid
when Miles sees it
he won't like me anymore.
Oh yeeeaaah.
That's number fo'.
Well what'chu goin' do about it?
I guess, I'll just suffer.
Probably, the jazziest choice.
Or maybe Principal Blackman
was right.
Maybe I should just sue.
I'm being sued!
They can't prove anything.
[STUTTERING]
I was disoriented.
It was dark.
Why would I stalk a gym teacher?
It just doesn't make any sense.
No, I'll sue.
Well what did I do to you?
I never touched you.
Why would I?
I got my eye
on that gym teacher.
No, I'll sue the school.
Oh, oh, oh
Ohhh now, look, Jerri,
you don't wanna be
wastin' your time
with litigation.
If somebody is
sexually harassin' you,
you know
Rubbin' up on your bumpy parts
with somethin' sticky,
or bangin' their heads
on your air bags,
or what-some-ever,
you've gotta fight
fire with fire.
Help yourself.
What do you mean?
Bring the fight to them, Jerri!
Right.
I'll see you tonight.
[BLOWING]
Miles.
Hey, Jerri.
I wanna apologize for my
sweet and sour behavior.
There are some boys
here at school
who've been sexually harassing
me for over a year,
well actually just this week,
the rest was more like flirting.
Anyway, I was afraid you
might believe
some of the horrible sexy things
they were saying about me.
Jerri
I wouldn't believe
a bunch of lies.
Even the true ones!?
Well
I'm gonna take a stand tonight,
but things might
get pretty crazy.
I'm behind you, Jerri.
Now remember, everybody,
I want you to seduce the music.
Work it like it's yo' bitch.
Slap it!
It will respond.
Show that music who has
the upper hand
by giving it the
back of yo' hand.
I remember
Charlie Parker once said to me,
"Jazzy
Shut up and give me
some heroin."
Yeah.
Now let's get on out there
and score.
[SINGING SCALES] ♪
la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
la, la, la, la, la ♪
[EXERCISING]
Gaaaaaaaaaaaa!
[ROUGHLY HACKING]
[APPLAUSE]
JERRI [IN SLOW MOTION]: bada
boom, bada bop, bee bop, bee bop ♪
[CONTINUES]
Aaaa, raaa, eh ♪
A, E, I, O, U, A, E,
I, O, U A, E, I, O, U ♪
Aahhhh!
Ahhh haaa!
[WEAKILY]
Miles.
Oh, ya, la, me la ♪
oh, A, E, oh, A, E ♪
oop pa la, bada ba ♪
[TRICKLING WATER]
[FARTING]
Hello!
I guess what I learned this week
is that you shouldn't let sexual
harassment turn you into a victim.
Turn yourself into a victim,
and you'll be too pathetic for
anyone to consider you sexual.
[DRIP]
"J.B.
Gives good B.J.
Signed J.B."
[BEBOP JAZZ PLAYING ♪]