Superman (1996) s03e08 Episode Script

That's every Senate press release for the last month.
Thanks.
Anyone ever tell you you're a noisy one? I like metal.
How lovely for you.
Now, lose them.
I can't think.
Then have a seat and I'll teach you the angry phone voice.
The new intern's something, huh? Who, Tina? Too cool for me.
-Excuse me? -Well, look at her.
She's gorgeous.
She gets to hang out with the famous Lois Lane all day.
Me? I'm just a nobody.
You're selling yourself short.
-Ask her out.
-I already tried twice.
First time, she said her cat was sick.
-And the second? -She told me to buzz off.
She's learning from Lois already.
Jimmy, wait.
Look at that, another one.
It's every week now, isn't it? -What is it with these people? -I don't know.
I've never seen anything like this.
That's the second one this week.
What started as a minor moving violation has turned into the latest perilous pursuit through downtown Metropolis.
The suspect has just veered onto South-end Highway headed toward Humphrey Plaza.
-Humphrey Plaza? -That's right outside.
Wait, hey, let's go over there.
Get lower.
I want a better shot.
-Look at that! -It's Superman! He's so strong.
He saved everybody.
That's amazing! -Get the crew out.
-Give me a hand.
Come on, wake up.
-How's he doing? -I think he's all right.
Paramedics are on their way.
Got time for a statement, Superman? You wouldn't want it.
Thanks for your help, Jimmy.
Cut.
Hey, Olsen, you're friends with Superman, right? Wanna do an interview? I don't think I'd be real comfortable with that.
Why not? Camera-shy? No, but it's not like I'd call us pals or anything.
Well, you know him, right? Yeah.
That's good enough for me.
So how would you characterize your friendship? Real comfortable.
I'd call us pals.
There you have it.
Superman has a pal.
My investigative team has uncovered link after link between the Man of Steel and James Olsen, Jr.
"Jimmy" to his friends.
According to our research, you single-handedly saved Superman's skin from both the Parasite and Luminus.
Plus, we're told you went undercover at his request to crack lntergang's connection to Apokolips.
-ls all of this true? -Yeah.
What? Hold it right there! First of all, Superman saved us from Luminus, not the other way around.
And second, what am l, chopped liver? I'm sure Superman likes you too.
Jimmy? Okay, lay it on.
I deserve it.
I was wondering if you still wanted to go out with me sometime.
I'm sorry, what? I'll take that as a yes.
Tonight okay? I'll see you right after work.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hey! Superman's pal, right? Breakfast, on the house.
-Superman's pal? -From TV last night? Oh, can I have your autograph? Glad you liked your dinner, Jimbo.
Next time, come by with your buddy Superman.
You bet.
Thanks again for picking up the tab.
-My subway's that way.
-Oh, okay.
Now, where was l? Oh, yeah, the Fortress of Solitude.
-You've been there? -Well, I haven't been there yet but the big guy told me about it.
He'll take me there one of these days.
You must be close.
Save a guy's life once or twice he sort of starts to hang on you.
I don't mind.
-Watch it, idiot.
-Sorry.
Wait a second.
You're Superman's twerp, ain't you? -Not exact-- -This is perfect.
Superman put my best buddy in the slammer.
Now I'm gonna put his buddy in the morgue.
-So how do you call Superman? -I yell, the same as anyone else.
-Run! Get help! -Hey! Come on, he's getting away! Help! Superman! Jimmy Olsen needs help! You're kidding, right? We better get out of here.
We don't want no trouble.
-Let's get out of here.
-Let's go.
Come on.
You okay? Jimmy! Oh, thank God you're all right.
You heard me.
You really are friends with Jimmy.
He's all right.
But you better clear up this "pal" stuff.
I can't be within earshot every time.
-Hey, Angela.
-No time, kid.
Wait.
Listen.
You gotta take back that story about me.
I almost got killed last night.
Take it back? I make him a star and this is the thanks I get.
You're Superman's friend, right? No, I swear, it isn't me.
I know Superman.
He pulled me out of the drink once when my boat sank.
Yeah, if it wasn't for Superman, I'd be a goner for sure.
Come to think of it, I never got to thank the big lug.
If I wrote him a thank-you note, you think you could--? Pass an invitation on to him? My kid's birthday's coming up, and he loves Superman.
Superman this, Superman that.
If I wasn't such a secure father, I'd be jealous.
The little guy would really appreciate it-- If Big Blue would do an endorsement on one of our TV spots.
We're Big Blue Automotive.
And don't you worry, you get a finder's fee.
I take care of my friends.
My boy, you have no idea how much it would mean-- To all the little baby seals if Superman would come to our charity dinner.
It's black tie, but he could come as is, of course.
Do you think you could show him these pamphlets? It wouldn't take him long to read them.
I mean, he is Superman, right? It would really help raise awareness of the hardship-- I have to put up with because of that noisy, stinking neighbor of mine.
Now, if Superman was to pop by and lay a few of those super punches into the wall then that louse would turn down his stereo.
Hey, I ain't done talking to youse yet.
Oh, look, it's Superman's friend! He's even cuter than his picture.
Oh, come here.
Oh, you could be my baby.
Come back! Come back! He's mine! Mine! I want him for me.
For me and my sister.
-He's just what we're looking for.
-He's so cute.
Oh, gosh.
-Jimmy, get in.
-I almost got him.
I almost got him.
I have got to get Angela to take back that story.
Why would she do that? It's true, isn't it? -No.
-But you're special to Superman.
I saw it myself.
He showed up to rescue you and everything.
Yeah, but he'd do that for anyone.
People are making too much of this.
I need a break.
Don't worry.
I'll take you somewhere private.
-What are we doing here? -I want you to meet a friend of mine.
-At a scrap yard? -You'll see.
What is this? Why have you brought me him? Hi, honey.
What is going on? -Shut up.
-I'd like an explanation myself.
You were supposed to bring Lois.
Lane was too hard to trick.
This one was easy.
But will Superman come for him? Trust me, they're good friends.
I even staged a test last night.
Careful.
We don't want to damage our collateral just yet.
Speak for yourself.
You didn't have to spend an evening with him.
And I thought I was cold-hearted.
I learned from the best, sweetie.
Lane.
Lois? It's Tina.
Jimmy and I have been kidnapped.
Sounds like some wacko wants his manifesto in the paper.
Police traced the call to a scrap yard north of the city.
They said we should play along until they can scramble a team up there.
I gotta start wearing pants.
Superman! Superman, it's a trap! It's Metallo.
Looks like I caught you off-guard, Superman.
You've come without your protective outerwear.
It's remarkable how easy this is once I have you alone and unprepared.
If it wasn't so much fun I might actually feel bad for you.
Brought me a present? Call this off.
Stop him! Me stop him? You've got a twisted sense of who's working for who.
How could you help him? He's killing Superman.
What can I say? I'm into metal.
Hey! Let me out, you little runt.
Let me out! Care to try again? Come, now, Superman.
Do you really think you'll ever win this way? I must say, you two make quite a team.
Dramatic but feeble.
What was that supposed to be? Battery acid.
Still kicking yourself? Why shouldn't l? I messed things up bigtime.
You lived up to your press, Jimmy.
You saved my life again.
Here, I made you a thank-you gift.
You didn't have to.
I mean, you've saved my life too.
Only like a million times.
It's not just a watch.
This button emits a hypersonic signal.
If I'm anywhere in the city, I'll hear it and I'll come.
I figured you might need it now that everyone knows we're friends.
Just don't wear it out.
[ENGLlSH.]