The Weekenders (2000) s03e08 Episode Script
The Lone Wolves Club
Dude, this is the biggest deal ever.
What's going on?
They're gonna take a new member.
Who?
The Lone Wolf Club.
Shh.
Not so loud.
The Lone Wolves have
operatives everywhere.
I hear they secretly control
everything in Bahia Bay.
I hear they decide the school lunch menu.
I hear they can grant you three wishes.
Oh, no wait.
That's genies.
Tino, here!
This is major.
Any kid in town would give his right arm
to be in the Lone Wolf Club.
It means power, prestige,
discounts at local shops !
It's the best thing that can happen to you!
Except maybe gaining uncanny superpowers
in a freak laboratory accident?
Whoa, you guys.
What if they pick one of us?
We don't need 'em.
Good friends are more important
than mere worldly power. Haha!
Oh, did that sound as cheesy
as I think it did?
Cheesier.
Ahhh!
On your knees.
The Lone Wolves.
Silence.
We have come for you, Tino Tonitini.
Do you wish to join our exalted ranks?
Of course.
Then you must prove your worthiness.
This is your pup name.
Read it.
Read it loud.
"My pup name is Cubby Caboose."
"So ugly, I look like a moose."
"I'm mangy and smelly
with worms in my belly."
"For my bad breath, there is no excuse."
Oh my.
Learn it and be prepared
to repeat it on command.
Wait, where can I find you?
We will find you.
Be ready to obey any order at any moment.
And remember, you must tell no one.
Wow.
What's up, T?
You're all jumpy.
Nothing's up.
Why?
What have you heard?
I got it!
What are my orders?
I think this might be for you,
ma'am.
Whaaaat are you lookin' at?
Just an ordinary Tino,
on an ordinary day.
Don't answer.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it!
Psst.
Why don't you tell everyone your name,
Pup, and make it loud?
Um, Tino ?
Would you just tell us what's going on?
"My pup name is Cubby Caboose!"
"So ugly, I look like a moose!"
"I'm mangy and smelly
with worms in my belly!"
"For my bad breath, there is no excuse!"
Alright, Tino.
Spill it.
Did somebody make you recite that poem?
You.. might say that.
Somebody from this world?
Or the next?
Certain questions are
better left unanswered.
Let's just say what I do,
I do for the good of us all.
Uh-huh.
Uno momento.
"You are a duck."
"Let everyone know right now."
Oh, no.
What's goin' on?
Quack!
Quack! Quack quack quack
I am a duck!
Quack, quack quack!
Look at me, I'm a duck!
I'm quacking!
Quack, quack quack!
Quack, quack quack!
It's really very simple.
Ghost ducks from the spirit world
have taken over Tino's brain.
So, Tino, what news from
the World of the Ghost Ducks?
Sometimes it can be
therapeutic to open up.
For pain shared is
pain decreased, is it not?
I would enjoy a Chug-a-Freeze, now.
You fellows, stay here.
He's about to crack !
This Chug-a-Freeze is a desperate last
ploy to avoid confronting the truth!
I prefer chili cheese fries
for my desperate last ploys.
Pizza works good too.
Tino, we want you to know that
I hate to interrupt,
but, uh, Tish?
The Dork Society called, and
they've elected you President.
Huh?
Yo, Carv'!
I'm not saying your
hair is out of control,
but there's a warrant
out for it in six states.
Tino !
Lor!
Aren't those the same states that
go to a stage three smog alert
every time you take off your shoes?
Oh, that does it.
I'm makin' a fist.
Forget it.
We're outta here.
Hey, I know it looks bad.
But come on, it's the Lone Wolf Club!
The guys would want me to do
whatever I have to to get in.
I think
Okay, one more time.
We're going to apologize to Tino.
Yeeep.
Because we walked away.
Yeeep.
After he wouldn't stop insulting us.
Yeepp.
I had an easier time
understanding algebra.
Look, we know Tino,
and that wasn't him.
He's obviously going
through some kind of
emotional crisis, and
we just abandoned him.
Oh, hi, guys.
Tino just went to the park, but,
you know, you might be able to catch him.
Thanks.
Uh, have you noticed anything odd about
Tino the last couple of days?
Uh, no?
Oh, unless you're referring to the fact
that he's nuttier than a pecan pie.
That's it.
I don't know for sure, but I think it might
have something to do with a secret club.
Secret?
The Lone Wolf Club!
That would explain everything!
Well, not everything, but at least the
stuff that happened this weekend.
We're coming to the edge of the ravine.
It's a long way down.
Lower the Bridge of Truth.
Maybe we should skip this part.
It's too dangerous.
Oh, yeah, maybe we should.
Silence!
It is the law.
He must cross if he is
to become a Lone Wolf.
I don't like the looks of this.
Step up on the Bridge of Truth.
Stop!
Wha - wha - whaaa -- !
Where's the ravine?
Why aren't I dead?
Not that I'm complaining!
Tino, thank gosh!
What do you guys think
you're doing, anyway?
We thought we were
saving you from falling into a ravine!
You ruined everything!
Us?!
They were the ones
who made you look like an idiot!
We're outta here.
You have crossed the Bridge of Truth.
It was just a board.
Okay, the Board of Truth.
But you passed an
even more important test.
You have proven your willingness to put
the club above your friends.
I have?
Wait, are you saying that I
might still become a Lone Wolf?
The Ceremony of Light will decide.
Remove your blindfold and
behold the Lone Wolfs lair.
You will now face the lights of judgment.
You mean those fireflies?
If the lights remain within the bottle,
you are a Lone Wolf.
But if even one escapes,
you must leave forever.
Let the Ceremony of Light begin!
A lone wolf must keep
the secrets of the club.
A lone wolf must honour
the club in all he does.
A lone wolf must hold the club above all,
including his friends.
In accepting the lights, you agree that
only the club is important.
Your friends outside mean nothing.
What say you to this?
No!
What happened?
You let the fireflies go!
He can't do that!
I can't be a Lone Wolf.
My friends will always be
more important to me than
The Lone Wolfs lair is a laundry room.
You can't turn down the Lone Wolf Club!
Hans?
But you're a geek.
Earl?
Rhett?!
You guys are the Lone Wolf Club?
Do not be fooled by our outwardly geeky
appearance.
We are the secret masters of Bahia Bay!
And we do decide the school lunch menus.
Great.
Hey, maybe I'll drop by the lair next time
I need to wash my shorts.
Where are you going?
You can't walk out on the Lone Wolves!
Hey, don't tell my mom, okay?
She thinks I'm in ballet class.
All you did was act like
you'd gone stark raving mad,
heap stupid insults on us,
and go ballistic when we tried to save
your life.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
But if apologizing makes you feel better,
that's the main thing.
Aw, thanks.
If it weren't for you guys, I might have
never realized what a jerk I was.
When it comes to jerkhood realizing,
we'll always be there for you.
Just one thing, though.
Does this mean we're not in touch with
ghost ducks from the spirit world?
I'm not at liberty to say.
Tish! Wanna rack 'em?
So, I guess I found out no club's more
important than my friends.
But here's the really great part.
In exchange for not saying
anything to Hans' mom, I
I get to pick the school lunch
menu every other Tuesday.
Okay, later days.
What's going on?
They're gonna take a new member.
Who?
The Lone Wolf Club.
Shh.
Not so loud.
The Lone Wolves have
operatives everywhere.
I hear they secretly control
everything in Bahia Bay.
I hear they decide the school lunch menu.
I hear they can grant you three wishes.
Oh, no wait.
That's genies.
Tino, here!
This is major.
Any kid in town would give his right arm
to be in the Lone Wolf Club.
It means power, prestige,
discounts at local shops !
It's the best thing that can happen to you!
Except maybe gaining uncanny superpowers
in a freak laboratory accident?
Whoa, you guys.
What if they pick one of us?
We don't need 'em.
Good friends are more important
than mere worldly power. Haha!
Oh, did that sound as cheesy
as I think it did?
Cheesier.
Ahhh!
On your knees.
The Lone Wolves.
Silence.
We have come for you, Tino Tonitini.
Do you wish to join our exalted ranks?
Of course.
Then you must prove your worthiness.
This is your pup name.
Read it.
Read it loud.
"My pup name is Cubby Caboose."
"So ugly, I look like a moose."
"I'm mangy and smelly
with worms in my belly."
"For my bad breath, there is no excuse."
Oh my.
Learn it and be prepared
to repeat it on command.
Wait, where can I find you?
We will find you.
Be ready to obey any order at any moment.
And remember, you must tell no one.
Wow.
What's up, T?
You're all jumpy.
Nothing's up.
Why?
What have you heard?
I got it!
What are my orders?
I think this might be for you,
ma'am.
Whaaaat are you lookin' at?
Just an ordinary Tino,
on an ordinary day.
Don't answer.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it!
Psst.
Why don't you tell everyone your name,
Pup, and make it loud?
Um, Tino ?
Would you just tell us what's going on?
"My pup name is Cubby Caboose!"
"So ugly, I look like a moose!"
"I'm mangy and smelly
with worms in my belly!"
"For my bad breath, there is no excuse!"
Alright, Tino.
Spill it.
Did somebody make you recite that poem?
You.. might say that.
Somebody from this world?
Or the next?
Certain questions are
better left unanswered.
Let's just say what I do,
I do for the good of us all.
Uh-huh.
Uno momento.
"You are a duck."
"Let everyone know right now."
Oh, no.
What's goin' on?
Quack!
Quack! Quack quack quack
I am a duck!
Quack, quack quack!
Look at me, I'm a duck!
I'm quacking!
Quack, quack quack!
Quack, quack quack!
It's really very simple.
Ghost ducks from the spirit world
have taken over Tino's brain.
So, Tino, what news from
the World of the Ghost Ducks?
Sometimes it can be
therapeutic to open up.
For pain shared is
pain decreased, is it not?
I would enjoy a Chug-a-Freeze, now.
You fellows, stay here.
He's about to crack !
This Chug-a-Freeze is a desperate last
ploy to avoid confronting the truth!
I prefer chili cheese fries
for my desperate last ploys.
Pizza works good too.
Tino, we want you to know that
I hate to interrupt,
but, uh, Tish?
The Dork Society called, and
they've elected you President.
Huh?
Yo, Carv'!
I'm not saying your
hair is out of control,
but there's a warrant
out for it in six states.
Tino !
Lor!
Aren't those the same states that
go to a stage three smog alert
every time you take off your shoes?
Oh, that does it.
I'm makin' a fist.
Forget it.
We're outta here.
Hey, I know it looks bad.
But come on, it's the Lone Wolf Club!
The guys would want me to do
whatever I have to to get in.
I think
Okay, one more time.
We're going to apologize to Tino.
Yeeep.
Because we walked away.
Yeeep.
After he wouldn't stop insulting us.
Yeepp.
I had an easier time
understanding algebra.
Look, we know Tino,
and that wasn't him.
He's obviously going
through some kind of
emotional crisis, and
we just abandoned him.
Oh, hi, guys.
Tino just went to the park, but,
you know, you might be able to catch him.
Thanks.
Uh, have you noticed anything odd about
Tino the last couple of days?
Uh, no?
Oh, unless you're referring to the fact
that he's nuttier than a pecan pie.
That's it.
I don't know for sure, but I think it might
have something to do with a secret club.
Secret?
The Lone Wolf Club!
That would explain everything!
Well, not everything, but at least the
stuff that happened this weekend.
We're coming to the edge of the ravine.
It's a long way down.
Lower the Bridge of Truth.
Maybe we should skip this part.
It's too dangerous.
Oh, yeah, maybe we should.
Silence!
It is the law.
He must cross if he is
to become a Lone Wolf.
I don't like the looks of this.
Step up on the Bridge of Truth.
Stop!
Wha - wha - whaaa -- !
Where's the ravine?
Why aren't I dead?
Not that I'm complaining!
Tino, thank gosh!
What do you guys think
you're doing, anyway?
We thought we were
saving you from falling into a ravine!
You ruined everything!
Us?!
They were the ones
who made you look like an idiot!
We're outta here.
You have crossed the Bridge of Truth.
It was just a board.
Okay, the Board of Truth.
But you passed an
even more important test.
You have proven your willingness to put
the club above your friends.
I have?
Wait, are you saying that I
might still become a Lone Wolf?
The Ceremony of Light will decide.
Remove your blindfold and
behold the Lone Wolfs lair.
You will now face the lights of judgment.
You mean those fireflies?
If the lights remain within the bottle,
you are a Lone Wolf.
But if even one escapes,
you must leave forever.
Let the Ceremony of Light begin!
A lone wolf must keep
the secrets of the club.
A lone wolf must honour
the club in all he does.
A lone wolf must hold the club above all,
including his friends.
In accepting the lights, you agree that
only the club is important.
Your friends outside mean nothing.
What say you to this?
No!
What happened?
You let the fireflies go!
He can't do that!
I can't be a Lone Wolf.
My friends will always be
more important to me than
The Lone Wolfs lair is a laundry room.
You can't turn down the Lone Wolf Club!
Hans?
But you're a geek.
Earl?
Rhett?!
You guys are the Lone Wolf Club?
Do not be fooled by our outwardly geeky
appearance.
We are the secret masters of Bahia Bay!
And we do decide the school lunch menus.
Great.
Hey, maybe I'll drop by the lair next time
I need to wash my shorts.
Where are you going?
You can't walk out on the Lone Wolves!
Hey, don't tell my mom, okay?
She thinks I'm in ballet class.
All you did was act like
you'd gone stark raving mad,
heap stupid insults on us,
and go ballistic when we tried to save
your life.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
But if apologizing makes you feel better,
that's the main thing.
Aw, thanks.
If it weren't for you guys, I might have
never realized what a jerk I was.
When it comes to jerkhood realizing,
we'll always be there for you.
Just one thing, though.
Does this mean we're not in touch with
ghost ducks from the spirit world?
I'm not at liberty to say.
Tish! Wanna rack 'em?
So, I guess I found out no club's more
important than my friends.
But here's the really great part.
In exchange for not saying
anything to Hans' mom, I
I get to pick the school lunch
menu every other Tuesday.
Okay, later days.