The Wonder Years s03e08 Episode Script

The Pimple

Growing up in the suburbs,in the '60's, you were pretty much shelteredfrom the forces of change unleashedby the outside world.
But what about the forces of change unleashed from within? Change.
Not always a pretty sight.
In fact, it could get pretty ugly.
But that was the stuff that movies were made of.
That wasn't the real world.
Or was it? Oh, my Lord! They're coming to visit! Who? The Pruitt's.
Phil and Claire.
They're gonna be in town next week! It's been Eight years.
Actually, it had been nine years.
I remembered the occasion quite distinctly.
It was something I'd just as well Have forgotten.
Kevin, you remember little Gina, don't you? Not that anyone was gonna let me.
Gina Gina You two were always so cute together.
You were like twins.
A little more than twins.
Weren't ya, Kev? Come on - we were four years old In broad daylight, one little innocent game of Ben Casey And I was marked for life.
Give the kid a break, huh? Phil looks like he's put on weight.
And look - Gina's really growing up.
It was hard to imagine.
Little Gina Pruitt.
Always a scab on her knee, a dirty face Loved to make mud pies Hello! What a pretty young girl she turned out to be.
Paging Dr.
Arnold, paging Dr.
Arnold.
Maybe you can show her a nice time when they're here.
For this girl? I'd swim the deepest ocean, climb the highest mountain.
Well if-if you really think I should.
Yep - talk about change.
This was total metamorphosis.
Jack? Oh Ah-huh.
Nature was definitely smiling on me.
Nature, a harsh mistress.
A planet which appears to be engulfedin a blue-green gown of tranquility Is in reality a swirling mass of matter In the constant throes of transition.
This girl had a crush on you? Yeah, well, in kindergarten.
And she's coming to your house? Maybe I was bragging, but I knew Paul would appreciate my good fortune.
Oh, man.
I'd be worried.
Worried? What if something goes wrong? Wrong? Paul, what could possibly go wrong? For centuries, man has tried to predict when and where nature will wreak her havoc.
With no success.
I don't know, it just sounds to good to be true.
Things like this don't just happen.
Apparently Cantwell And Paul shared the same world view.
Things fall apart.
Yeah, so, bottom-line, Paul You happy for me or not? - Sure, I'm happy.
- Good! - I-it's just that - What? You just never know, Kevin.
That's the worst part - you just never know.
Ah, well - the world is full of pessimists.
Me? I was optimistic about change.
I mean, look! Even old Kevin Arnold wasn't turnin' out so bad.
A little taller, a little more filled out Yeah, probably couldn't get away without shaving much longer - you could feel the whiskers Startin' to push their way to the Wait a second.
This was no whisker! This was Doom.
This was disaster.
This was - A zit.
And not just any zit.
A zit! My first zit.
Betrayed by my own glands, I wentthrought the four classic stages.
Denial No.
No.
No, no! Not now.
Not me! Anger.
Guilt.
And finally Depression.
Kevin, honey - breakfast.
Still, maybe I was blowing this out of proportion.
Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Kevin honey I mean, maybe no one would even notice.
Honey? Give the oatmeal a little stir,and fix a bowl for yourself, would ya, please? Alright.
What we needed to do herewas to test the waters.
Uh, Mom.
How does this shirt look? It's pulling around the collar So far, so good.
Mom could spot dirty fingernails at the table From thirty yards away.
If I could get past her Oooh - looks like ya got a little pimple, there.
Mom Come on You can barely notice it.
Really? Oh, now, don't be so self-conscious.
I was thirteen years old - being self-conscious was a fulltime job.
Uh-oh.
What's with you? Nothing.
I couldn't believe it - Wayne missed it! I was in the clear! Whoa - check out the zit.
A zit? Well Let's have a look-see, shall we? As usual, I could count on my familyto treat my private adolescent pain with compassion.
Looks pretty deep, Kev.
We might have to operate! It's from all that junk food you eat.
You should stick to organics Compassion.
Sensitivity.
And outright snickering.
My only hope was my friends would be more forgiving.
Ick Paul Have you been eating fried food? - Paul - Chocolate? Paul I know What? Stress.
Have you been experiencing any stress lately? Yeah - since the start of this conversation.
Can we just forget about it? Yeah, sure - don't worry about it.
I mean it's no big deal - Exactly.
So can we just forget - - Oh my God Isn't that girl coming this week? Ladies and gentlemen - my best friend.
Krakatoa.
For years a harmless sleeping giant of a volcano Rising six thousand feet above the quiet waters of Indonesia.
Boom! Untold tons of rock and ash disgorged into the atmosphere.
Man, the hapless victim of catastrophic change.
Yep! That was me, alright.
Boom! Unless wait a minute - Gina wouldn't be here for a week.
This thing was bound to clear up in a week.
Two days?! Well, the Pruitt's had a change of plans, honey.
They're coming in two days?! Mom, they can't do this! Honey - what's gotten into you? I thought you were looking forward to seeing Gina.
Two days? Oh, gee - that's perfect.
She'll be here just in time.
In time for what? Never mind.
Aw, Kev.
It won't be so bad.
After the first few hours, you probably won't even notice all the pointing and whispering.
Oh, Gina! Alright - time was against me.
But I wasn't gonna be one of Mr.
Cantwell's hapless victims.
If it was man-against-nature, I'd put my bets on me.
I was gonna be master of my own Pores.
So I scrubbed.
I buffed.
I polished.
I tried everything.
And when it was all over I had the most well-groomed pimple on the block.
pressures building up from subterranean depths Magmatic eruptions beneath the Earth's fragile surface.
By the next day, it was no longera question of whether this pimplewas gonna go away - it was a question of how much bigger it was going to get.
Titanic eruptions Eventually capable of supporting life The mineral-rich lava giving rise to thick vegetation.
Well, no sign of vegetation.
Yet.
Have you tried steaming your face in lemon water? Huh? No, really! Mom says the only way to get rid of facial blemishes is hot towels and steaming lemon water.
Lemon water? Yeah.
It works every time.
Really? It worked for you? Well I never really well Had a pimple.
Then how would you know anything about getting rid of 'em, huh? Hey, I was just trying to help, OK? Yeah, well it's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Boom! Stupid? Maybe.
But I was running out of alternatives.
So much for taking advice from a rank amateur.
It was time to enlist the help of a pro.
Go for it! Ya think so? That's what I would do.
Think what ya like.
Wayne was a seasoned veteran on this turf.
Squeeze it! I don't know It's the only way to get rid of it.
Unles It makes it about ten times bigger.
But then again It could just go away by tomorrow.
Or No - the chances of that happening are really remote.
Or, what? Well, it could get infected and go directly to your brain.
Wayne! Hey - if you don't want my help, that's fine.
I'm sure you're gonna figure it out by yourself.
Wait.
Wayne's drawer.
The toxic wasteland of the Arnold bathroom.
It made ya wonder if the Atomic Energy Commission knew about this.
Here it is.
Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you.
Sure - I was suspicious.
But maybe Wayne Finally saw a little of himself in his younger brother.
Maybe he'd been down this hellish road himself and understood the seriousness Of the situation.
Give me a buck.
Or, maybe he needed a buck.
What?! Take it or leave it.
What could I say? These were desperate times.
And the thing did come with aniron-clad guarantee to vanquisheven the toughest blemish.
Plus, I had a date with destiny.
Somewhere over the rainbow, where kids Don't have to worry about their complexion.
At least that was the dream.
OK - no sense in hoping for miracles.
At worst, it would be reduced to the size of Krakatoa.
It was bigger than ever! And it was T-minus twelve hours untilGina Pruitt and I came face to disfigured face.
There was only one way to salvage my dignity.
My honor.
My good name.
I was gonna have to lie.
What happened? Happened? To your face.
Well, ya wanna know the truth? OK - here goes.
I got into a fight.
What? I got into a fight.
With who? "With who?" With With Him.
You got in a fight with Tony Barbella? Heck - if you're gonna break a commandment,you might as well get a little mileage out of it.
Yeah Why? He was just saying some stuff.
What sort of stuff? Woops - get out, before you hang yourself.
Look - I'd rather not talk about this, OK? Of course.
I understand.
That must have really hurt Yeah, well I mean, getting hit right on that pimple.
Ever have one of those days? I hear you're telling people me and you got into a fight! What? You heard me! Listen! There must be some kind of mistake.
I-I didn't get into a fight with you! So why'd you say you did? I didn't! Exactly.
B - because I can tell you one thing.
If Tony Barbella ever punched you You'd end up with more than a just band-aid on your cheek.
Alright, this was totally out of hand.
I'd almost gotten myself killed by a guy Who referred to himself in the third person.
And for what? A lousy pimple - a stupid little Meaningless zit.
What did it matter In the great scheme of things? Life was too short.
I had things to do.
Places to go.
People to meet.
Come on in! Where's Kevin? Oh, I'll get him.
Well, the moment of truth had finally come.
And I knew exactly what I had to do.
Bar the door, and wait for adolescenceto run its course.
Kevin? Uh Don't come in! Honey, Gina Pruitt's here.
OK - it was time to lay out my final options.
I could hit the road.
Start running, keep running, and never look back.
Kevin Or, I could face reality.
Kevin - what is wrong with you? Nothing! I just don't feel like seeing them right now, is all.
I don't think I'm up to it.
It was my last hope.
Unabashed honesty.
With just a look, I was able to convey all the emotions I'd been carrying around inside me for three days.
I couldn't go out there and humiliate myself.
She understood that.
Kevin - you're going to get out here.
Right this minute! Then again, maybe not.
Well, here he is! Step right up folks.
Behold the freak of nature.
Not for the faint-hearted.
Then in a flash, all of my insecurities flew away.
I saw beauty.
I saw grandeur.
I saw It was twice as big as the one on my cheek! Hi! Hi! It's nice to see you again.
Yeah, you too.
It was purple mountain's majesty.
Two pimples passing in the night.
I guess what I was finding out Was that when things change, it doesn't mean the end of the world.
As a matter of fact, sometimes it could work out for the best.
The Pruitts left town a few days later.
And so did the pimple.
And I began to come to grips with the factthat on the uncertain road through adolescence, there were bound to be a few bumps along the way.
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