ALF s03e09 Episode Script

Can i have willie's meatloaf, kate? No! Fine.
If willie isn't home by midnight, Then can i have his meatloaf? Hi, honey.
Hi, everybody.
Hi, dad.
Hi, dad.
Can i have your meatloaf? No.
Let willie answer.
Willie? No.
Shoot! How was the union meeting? Well, they elected me picket captain.
What does that tell you? Oh, you're going on strike? [Sighs.]
i'm afraid so.
Oh! Just the thought of it gives me a sick feeling In the pit of my stomach.
Then meatloaf would only make you more queasy.
lions gate home entertainment Willie? Oh! Honey, what's wrong? Oh, it's this strike.
I'm afraid it's gonna last for quite a while.
Oh, honey, we've got our savings.
We'll be ok for now.
Well, it's not just that, kate.
There are a lot of people that depend on social services.
Where are they gonna turn when we're not there? Willie, you work hard, You're entitled to fair compensation.
Now, in any strike there are innocent people who are going to suffer, But on the other hand, if you feel justified in your demands, You cannot really assume responsibility for every-- Kate? Yeah? I think i can sleep now.
Question.
Perhaps i spoke too soon.
Bottom line-- I'm concerned about how this strike Is gonna effect everyone, especially me.
Spoken like a true humanitarian.
I know.
And i have the solution In 5 simple words-- Willie-Gets-Another-Job.
That's 4 words.
Good.
I ran out of fingers.
As a matter of fact, i was just thinking That i should go back to work.
Ha ha ha ha! Good one, kate! I have always worked, alf.
I sold real estate, by choice, Until i got pregnant with lynn, by choice.
I went back to work, by choice, Until i got pregnant with brian, by choice.
And i was just getting ready to go back to work, by choice, When we got you.
I have a gut feeling i'm not going To hear the words "by choice.
" Alf, you know we're glad you're part of this family.
We are, alf.
Even at this inconveniently late hour.
Then isn't it time we made it official? Made what official? My adoption! Oh, i don't even think we can do that.
Can we? No, we can't do that.
Why not? Well, for starters There's that species thing.
It doesn't bother you that i don't bear the tanner name? No.
Alf, please.
Go back to bed.
But kate, if you get a job, Who's going to take care of me? Willie will be here.
No offense, but kate, If you get a job, who's going to take care of me? Alf, you're You should be able to take care of yourself by now.
You'd think so, wouldn't you? [Changing channels on tv.]
[Sighs.]
Tough day on the line, norma rae? Please stop calling me that.
I called you that because i like you, I really like you.
Oh.
Boy, i feel like i walked about 50 miles today.
Say, you're not calling kate again, are you? For your information, I'm calling for the time.
Kate? What time is it? Thank you.
Willie? Yes, alf? Are you asleep? Yes, i am, And deeply so.
Well, i guess it doesn't bother you then, huh? You guess what doesn't bother me? That you don't have a job anymore.
I have a job.
Then why aren't you going to it? I explained this to you already, alf.
Not to my satisfaction.
[Sighs.]
In business, there is something called management And something called labor.
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me get comfortable.
Management-- Can you hand me my soda, willie? Management-- And the chips.
And a napkin.
Are you ready? Not quite.
[Cracks knuckles.]
Ready.
Management hires labor to-- Welllabor.
What does management do? Nobody's quite sure.
Anyway, when-- [Slurping.]
When labor feels that they're not being treated fairly-- For example, if they feel they're not being paid enough, then-- I never thought i'd say this, weeping willow, But kate's more fun to have around than you are.
Remember how she used to look? Smiling.
Serving food.
Following me around with a johnny mop.
Now she's dead.
She's not dead.
She's just working.
Dead, working, same thing.
Did it ever occur to you that kate might want To have a little more out of life? If it ain't broke, don't step on it.
Fix it.
Fix what? The expression is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
" Why would you? Go, call kate.
Why? I already know what time it is.
Get the weather.
[Telephone rings.]
Kate: kate tanner.
Alf: i knew that! Hi there.
Why are you calling mehereagain? Willie told me to.
Nice try.
No, he did.
He did.
He wanted me to ask you about the weather.
How aboutstormy? Did you have a special reason for calling me again? Well, yeah, yeah.
I have a question.
How long does this career thing usually last? Alf, we have been over this.
I am here because i want to be.
I want to work, i like to work, I always planned to come back to work.
How can i make you understand this? He thinks the lady doth protest her lunch.
Too much.
Too much what? I'm hanging up now.
Yep.
Definitely stormy.
Mmm, brian, would you hand me the garlic press? What's a garlic press look like? Well, it's right there next to the garlic.
What's a garlic look like? Haven't you ever helped your mom in the kitchen? Sure.
I say, "mom, it's burning," And she says, "thanks, bri.
" I promise not to burn the pasta primavera.
Pasta primavera? I thought we were having spaghetti.
It is spaghetti.
It's spaghetti with broccoli and peas and zucchini And a light tomato cream sauce.
Well, i like the sauce that kate opens.
How come there's weeds in this salad? They aren't weeds.
That's radicchio.
The whole idea of you cooking is radicchio.
Hi, everybody.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, hi, honey.
You're kinda late getting home.
Yeah.
Julie and i stayed after school To protest cheerleading tryouts.
Well, why would you do that? I was protesting because i think cheerleading Is a sexist exploitation of the concept of woman As perennial spectator.
Julie was protesting because she was Eliminated in the first round.
Mmm, pasta primavera.
You see? Lynn appreciates my cooking.
Sure, scrape off the vegetables and that pink stuff And it's great.
Anything i can do to help? What's this stuff? Will you stay out of that salad? Yikes! The radicchio is making a break for it! Alf, i want you to clean this mess up, And i want you to stay out of my way.
Dad? What? I think your spaghetti's done! Oh! Ah! Here, here, here.
Ah! Hi, mom.
[Timer dings.]
Dinner is served.
[Knock on door.]
alf, it's kate.
Can i come in? Kate? The name is vaguely familiar.
And i've heard that voice before.
Oh, it's you.
You look terrible.
All white and tired and old.
How's the job going? The job is fine, thank you.
Oh, i'm so glad.
I never realized there were so many pictures of me.
Let alone here in the garage.
Well, don't worry.
You're not wearing lingerie in any of these.
[Chuckles.]
well, that's a comfort.
I gave the lingerie shots to willie.
Ok, alf, out with it.
Out with what? Look, alf, i know you pretty well, And i can tell when you're upset about something.
Well If, uh, hypothetically speaking, Something were to upset me, And i'm not saying anything has, but-- Hypothetically.
Right.
If someone close to me were to return to work, Let's say, it might, In the cosmos of my psyche, Create an emotional black hole.
Both: hypothetically.
Alf, why has my going back to work Upset you so much? Everything's changing too fast! What do you mean? Well, you got a job now.
Lynn's starting college pretty soon.
Brian beat me at chutes and ladders just the other day.
I wish things could stay just the way they used to be In the good old days.
Last week.
Alf, everybody feels that way sometimes, But listen, change can be a very positive thing.
Oh, yeah? Every time my life changed, It seemed like my world fell apart.
Like when my world fell apart.
Alf, things do change.
Lynn and brian are growing up.
I have a new job.
And who knows? Tomorrow, willie may decide to chuck it all And become a lobster fisherman.
Shellfish makes him wheeze, remember? I was speaking hypothetically.
Oh.
But alf One thing never will change, And that's the fact that you're a part of our family.
You decided to adopt me? I thought we explained that to you.
It would make me feel a lot more secure About my position in the family.
Now, alf, you know that's impossible.
I'll give you a dollar.
Willie: you in there? Hey, great news! The strike is over! Oh! Ha! I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna go back-- I'm going back to work on-- On mon--Monda-- Why are there pictures of my wife all over the garage? Oh, honey, i'll explain that later.
I'm so happy you're going back to work! Me, too! Now kate can quit her job And come home and make me salad without weeds.
Radicchio.
Alf, haven't you been listening To a word i've been saying? Well, i have been known to tune you out.
Alf, just because willie is going back to work Doesn't mean i'm going to quit my job.
Not even if i say please? I'm sorry, alf.
She doesn't take any guff, does she? Very little.
Oh, did you need that? [Door opens.]
Hi, kate.
Hi, honey.
Hi, alf.
Hi, willie.
Willie, um Uh, remember the first time that-- That i stopped working? Um, it was when you were expecting lynn.
Well Do you remember the second time? When you were expecting brian.
Well, you know I haven't been feeling too great lately, and, um, I've been feeling, you know, kinda tired.
Well, gosh, honey, you ought to see a doctor.
I did.
Willie, you lux! Your wife is telling you she's about to spawn again! You are? Yeah! Are we Great! A new baby! We'll raise him as our own! He or she will be our own.
Well, as our own.
It's not our own.
Lynn, brian! Come here, i want to tell you something! I love you.
Oh, i love you! What's up, dad? There There's going to be an addition to our family.
We're adopting alf! Yes! Yes! Yes! No, it's not that.
I'm gonna have a baby.
Are you kidding? No, i'm not kidding! Oh, mom! That's great! This is so eighties! How'd that happen? [Laughs.]
We'll discuss that later.
I can't believe it! You're gonna be a mother! Brian, get some papers.
Lynn, boil some water.
Well, alf, the baby won't be here for 8 months! Who's talking about the baby? I want a cup of tea, and i want to read the funnies.
[Telephone rings.]
Kate tanner.
Alf: yo, kate, guess who! Alex trebek.
Ehhh! You didn't give your answer in the form of a question.
Ok, in the form of a question, Why are you bothering me? Um I needed to ask you something.
Well? Uh When are you coming home? The same time i came home last night, And the night before, And the night before that.
Oh.
Is that it? Uhno.
Well? I miss you.
I'll see if i can get off a little early.
Bring me a present? Don't push it.
[Dial tone.]
She still loves me.
So, brian, my son.
Well, your mother tells me You've been asking, uh, a lot of questions, uh, About You know, um, about the baby.
You know Where it comes from.
Where it's going.
How it gets there.
Oh, you mean the facts of life? Well, that's one way of putting it, yeah.
You don't have to worry, dad.
Alf explained everything.
Oh Alf? Yes, willie? I understand you took it upon yourself To educate my son about the birds and the bees.
Uhyeah.
Oh, thank you! You're welcome.
Although i don't think he understood the part About releasing the pods.
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Ncicap.
Org-- Alf: ah! Ha ha ha!