Baby Daddy s03e09 Episode Script

Philip.
Don't you just love the way it sounds? Philip! And how adorable is that accent? But to be honest, I only understand half of what he says.
Where's Danny? Has he seen this? No, but have you seen this? Meet the Rangers' newest icegirl.
Oh, ho ho! She's got her hands up high, her feet down low, and that's the way she jig-a-lo jig-a-lo jig-a-lo! Jig-a-lo! Um, maybe it's just me.
But isn't dressing Emma up like a cheerleader just a little sexist? No, it's not just you.
It's all the unpopular girls who couldn't make cheerleading.
Danny, take a look at this.
Front page of the sports section.
That Logan Parker is at it again.
That dude hates me.
He even criticized my Jersey.
- We all wear the same ones! - Yeah.
Jerk! Well, we need him to start writing words like "awesome," "amazing," and "spectacular.
" Or the next contract we negotiate is gonna be for you to sell shoes at the big and tall store.
What am I supposed to do about it? Here's a crazy idea.
Play better? Come on! We need real ideas! Huh.
Okay, you know what? Here's what we're gonna do.
After practice today, we are gonna find him and we are gonna schmooze him.
Okay? We just have to stop by my house and grab my cleavage.
Okay? Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
So, uh I was thinking of bringing Philip to Danny's game tomorrow.
Oh, my God! Can we please go like two full sentences without mentioning lord stuffy pants? Whoa, okay.
Hey, you're the one who made the big speech after we broke up about how we could still be friends.
Well, if you can't be supportive of my relationship with Philip, then I think this little experiment might be over.
Meaning that we get back together? I love it when I say the words here And they mean something totally different here.
Fine.
I will try and get to know Philip.
Have him come by to the bar today.
We can hang out during my break.
Thank you for being so mature, Ben.
His name is Phil and he's a bore, and that is why he makes us snore Phil's a snore! Phil's a snore! Oh, I know, I know.
Tell them the story about how one of your students mistook you for the TA and said she heard the Professor was super hot.
Well, actually That was pretty much it.
Oh, my God.
I love that story.
Oh my God, you know what I love about this lunch? Nothing.
Oh, hey, can I get a beer? Oh, give me a minute.
We're just a little short-staffed.
Yeah, probably shouldn't take my break during the lunch rush.
Trouble you for a pint, love? Right away.
Wait, did you see that? What does he have that I don't? Well, I could make you a list.
But let's start with the accent.
Wait, really? Girls like that? May I present you exhibit "I love that story, ohh.
" Yeah yeah.
Yeah.
Well, in that case Here we are, ladies! All aboard the train for Tuckingham Palace.
Uh, so, Ben Philip had some really fun ideas for when the two of you hang out.
I thought this was the hanging out.
But once you start, who wants to stop, right? Brilliant.
I thought maybe you could pop by the campus later and I could show you around.
Pop by the campus? Well, that's almost too much fun.
I'll be there.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, uh, now read this.
"Caesar salad with a side of anchovies.
" See? I hate anchovies, but that sounds delicious.
Excuse me, barkeep, can I trouble you for a couple of pints? It's for my new lady friend.
Ben! This accent thing is amazing! You were right.
You can literally say anything, and women love it.
Excuse me, has anyone ever told you you've got an absolutely lovely bosom? See? I just told that girl she's got nice boobs, and I'm still standing here.
Oh, try it, try it, try it.
'Ello, duckie! What are you having today? I'll go see if that idiot from The Post has checked in yet.
You keep your eyes open, but do not engage.
Danny! Talk to no one.
Got it? Got it.
Well, hello.
Hi, there.
Are we finally sharing the locker room with the ice girls? Because I put a request in for that months ago.
Oh, sorry to disappoint, but I am not one of your cheerleaders.
Are you sure? Because I know I'm feeling inspired.
Too bad you're not this aggressive on the ice.
Hey! I made some pretty good passes today.
You're not counting this as one of them, are you? Ouch! She takes me down, which I'm totally okay with.
All right, seriously? I cannot find that talentless hack anywhere.
Hey, do you know which one of these jackasses is Logan Parker? Logan Parker, talentless hack at your service.
Hey! I knew that, yeah.
Gotcha! We just love hazing the new reporters, you know? Wait wait.
You're the dude that hates me? Well, you're half right.
But this was fun! Enjoy tomorrow's column.
Now look what you've done! Whoa.
After you, ladies.
It has its perks, but I'm afraid you're a little late and I have to leave for a meeting.
Oh, am I? Do you? Darn it! Well, I guess I'll just take off then.
But don't forget to tell Riley that I came by Because I did.
Actually, I won't be long.
And the rest of my evening is completely clear.
Of course it is.
All right, I'm off.
Make yourself at home.
Hello, Philip here.
Can I get someone to come down here and pull the stick out of me arse? Professor Farlow, are you busy? No no no, I'm not Busy at all.
What can I do for you, love? I was hoping to audit your art history seminar.
I brought the form.
Oh, you can audit me anytime.
Excuse me? Why don't we discuss it further over a pint? I may need to give you an entrance exam.
- Hello? - Danny? Where did you go? I'm home.
I always nap after practice.
Okay, I turn my head for like two Three seconds, and you disappear.
You were supposed to try and talk to Logan.
- Oh, I did.
- You did? Okay, that that's great.
So, how'd it go? Not exactly how I thought it would.
That's so good! Oh, my God.
You guys are never going to believe what happened.
I had a good time with Phil.
No, I know, I don't believe it either.
No, apparently some woman asked to audit Philip's class yesterday, and claims he totally hit on her.
What?! How could she? He! How could he?! He's been called before the Dean and accused of sexual harassment.
Harassment?! That's a pretty strong word for a little innocent flirting.
I'm assuming.
You know, the brits actually pronounce it "harrisment.
" Truly, they can make anything sound classy.
My bum itches.
Fancy a scratch? Tucker, this is serious.
- They're probably going to fire him.
- Fire him?! Is that really fair? Maybe it's just a misunderstanding.
God, I just I should have known.
It was too good to be true.
Why is it that every time I fall for the perfect guy he turns out to be just the perfect jerk? No offense.
But there are two sides to every story.
Sometimes even three.
No.
Oh, hell nah.
Look, nah.
Listen, I say where there's smoke, there's fire.
Which means, girl, get your ass out that building before you get burned.
See? See? Thank you.
Tucker gets it.
But but aren't you the one who's always saying innocent until proven guilty? No.
Why would I Oh, lawyer.
Right.
Well, he did deny everything.
- See? - Uh-uh, he lyin'.
You're right.
Of course.
Of course he's lying.
Or perhaps you're turning your back on a man wrongfully accused.
Riley, you have to trust your heart and give him the benefit of the doubt.
You're right.
Thanks, Ben.
You really are a good friend.
Remember that.
Well, I have got to go find Philip and apologize.
You know, I may have called him a no-good philanderer and made a disparaging remark about the crown jewels.
His, not the Queen's.
Wow.
Hey, Ben, when did you become such a Philip fan? When I realized that Riley will never forgive me if she finds out the truth.
Philip didn't hit on a student.
It was me.
Oh, my God.
Philip hit on you? Dude, I'm telling you, you can never tell with those brits.
No! I hit on one of his students using your stupid accent routine.
- And did it work? - Obviously not.
Well, then it wasn't my routine.
Okay, after a few failed attempts, I am finally out of here.
- See ya.
- Hey, slow down.
Not to be all girly, but no goodbye kiss? Ooh, Danny.
I'm sorry, but I can't.
- This was bad.
- Sorry.
First time's usually a little awkward.
Danny, this is a conflict of interest.
I can be fired.
Oh, well, we'll just make sure that nobody else finds out.
Just don't write anything too nice about me in the paper tomorrow.
Wait.
Is that what this is about? Is that why you talked me into bed? You want me to go easy on you?! Whoa whoa, calm down.
No.
You can go any way you want on me.
Logan, I like you.
And I like you too.
Which is why this will never work.
I have to be able to write the truth about you.
And unfortunately, your game's not as pretty as you are.
Hey I'm working on it.
Not as hard as you should be.
I think you're a really good player, but you could be great.
You really think so? Yeah, I do.
See you around, Wheeler.
Hello, Logan! Ah, the mother.
Hi.
I was just Oh, I know exactly what you were just Seriously? I live across the alley, and those boys leave the blinds open all the time.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the show, but it was a one night only kinda thing.
Ohh, that's too bad.
I was going to invite your editor to the next performance.
My editor? That sounds like a not-so-very-veiled threat.
Oh, and here I was afraid you weren't gonna get it.
Oh, I get it.
And now I'm just waiting to hear what you want.
Well, what I want is a star map, an unmarked van and the alarm code to Jon Bon Jovi's house.
But I'll settle for you writing a nice article about Danny.
So you want me to throw away my journalistic integrity? Oh, honey, you left that on Danny's nightstand next to your morals and scruples.
Wow.
I have faced a lot of challenges in this business.
I never thought my biggest one would come from another woman.
Oh, I'm not a woman.
I'm a mother.
Dude, what is taking you so long? You know I'm not good at looking inconspicuous.
In related news, I'm rushing sigma beta kappa.
I'm sorry, man.
I just gotta find that girl's paperwork.
She left it here somewhere.
Here, hold Emma.
Dude, I cannot believe you brought your baby on a heist.
Are you kidding? It's genius.
If someone catches me, I was just looking for a place to change the baby.
And trust me, not one's gonna be checking to see if I'm telling the truth.
I'll just be two seconds and we'll be on our way.
That's him! Under the desk.
Go go go.
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're standing by me through all this.
Oh, well, you kinda have Ben to thank for that.
See, I knew he wasn't as bad as you made him out be.
There has to be something you can do.
You have to fight this.
It's her word against mine.
And since I'm the teacher without tenure, easier on everyone just to fire me.
Well, I'll hire you.
You know, for general boyfriend duties, maybe some light housekeeping.
Unfortunately, this whole mess is now delaying my visa.
If I don't get it, I'm packing to go home.
No, you can't go now.
I just started to understand you.
There really is nothing we can do.
Unless Unless what? Riley, is there any chance you'd consider Marrying me? - Hey, Logan.
Can I talk to you? - No! Then I guess you don't want your computer back.
Of course that's where I left it.
Mm-hmm.
And this day just goes from bad to worse.
Hey, I know you don't want everyone to know about us, but can you turn the hostile down? You're making me feel bad.
Oh, and I'm supposed to care about your feelings after what you and your mom pulled? What does my mom have to do with this? Don't play dumb, Wheeler.
And don't even worry about me.
I already asked to get transferred to another beat.
Oh, and good luck sleeping with the next reporter they send in.
Unless it's Ken.
He likes tall guys.
Just know That you are never gonna be better than mediocre if you're not willing to hear the truth.
Danny! Have you seen Phil and Riley? They're not in their seats.
Oh, yeah, she called.
They can't make it.
Something about having to go by their friend court's house.
Or possibly the courthouse? No, I'm pretty sure she said court's house.
She wouldn't actually go through with it, would she? I don't suppose you'd consider marrying me? Dude, I almost said yes! We've gotta go.
Oh, mom! Good.
You're here.
Hey, do you wanna hold Emma for like two seconds? - Yes.
- Thanks.
Do you wanna hold the bag for another sec? - Oh, yeah yeah.
- Sweet Mom, did you talk to Logan? Oh, I did more than talk to her.
I kinda blackmailed her.
Yeah.
Show mama some love, huh? Yeah? - Do you see her? - Oh oh! There she is.
Aw, I like that she's not wearing white.
It's more honest.
Riley, wait.
Ben, what are you doing here? Trying to stop you from doing something you could end up regretting for the rest of your life.
Riley, this is too big a decision.
You can't just rush into this.
Rest of my life? This is maybe three years, tops.
And what do you really even know about him anyway? Yeah, sure, he looks like a prince and talks like a Butler, but superficial reasons aren't enough to write your name down next to his.
But you're the one who convinced me how great he was.
And you picked today to start listening to me? And using her like this to stay in the country? How can you live with yourself? Ben, it's just a piece of paper.
No, it's not.
Don't you get it? This shouldn't just be your first.
This should be your only.
Your happily ever after.
And it should be with a guy who understands you and will be by your side when you're old and ugly and you need one of those chairs that goes up and down stairs.
My Nana actually died in one of those.
Yeah, she just kept going up and down for like two days before we found her.
What exactly do you think we're doing? Getting married.
No! Why would I do that? Ben, I'm here helping Philip with the paperwork for his visa.
But aren't you getting fired? Oh, no, the university called.
Apparently, the young woman saw my picture, realized she'd made a mistake.
Ohh Well, then, in that case, have a lovely afternoon and welcome to the States.
Yeah.
But, you know, I'm wondering what she'd say if we showed her your picture.
My picture? Well, isn't this just a dilly of a pickle? Oh, my God, Ben, what is wrong with you?! Riley, I was just trying to prove to you I could be your friend by trying to be his friend.
- And then Tucker suggested - Ooh, don't even go there.
Philip, man, I'm so sorry.
You've been nothing but nice to me, and I've been nothing but a jerk to you.
Ben, you're an odd fellow.
But you are one of Riley's oldest friends.
Mm, let's not get crazy.
So I suppose the right thing to do is accept your apology.
What about you, Riley? I still can't believe you thought I would get married.
In this.
But if Philip can forgive you, then I guess I can too.
- Hug? - Mm, I'm not there yet.
Good enough for me.
Tucker, man, you comin'? Yeah yeah yeah.
In a sec.
Kelly and Joe asked me to be their best man.
It's open.
Your message said you weren't gonna be here.
For some reason, people seem to get upset when you leave a baby alone.
What the hell is this? Did you use my computer? It's a little article about how my drop pass sucks and I need to work on my speed.
What the hell is this?! Do you see what just went up online? Oh, you! You are going down.
When I am done, the only thing you'll be writing is people's names on coffee cups! Mom, Logan didn't write the story.
I did.
Really? Why would you write that you're not living up to your potential? And when did you learn how to spell "potential"?! Why would you do that? I didn't want you to think that I was using you.
And how am I supposed to become a better player if you stop everyone from criticizing me? I mean, what are you gonna do next? Start dating the owner? I'm working on it.
But he keeps changing his cellphone number.
You can't keep trying to beat up all the bullies for me.
I can take a few hits.
But, Danny, I am just doing what I think is best for you.
I know.
And I love you for it.
And I don't know what to say.
Maybe I did misjudge you.
Not your playing, but you.
Well, great.
I guess I've got all three of my ladies taken care of then.
All three? Hey, darlin'.
I traded her pom-poms for a puck.
Emma, you can be whatever you wanna be.
A cheerleader, an athlete, a writer or a mom.
Well, you might not wanna be a cheerleader and a mom at the same time.
It was tough.
Are you sure we can't keep seeing each other? I'm sure.
You're right, we can't keep doing this.
Uh-uh.
So same time tomorrow? - Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
You are a cheeky little dove.
I'd like to fly you home to my nest.
Tucker, your accent is almost perfect amazing.
Okay okay, now me, now me.
I'm a Randy lad looking for a good snog.
Care to join me? Or maybe we could try My mate says American girls don't kiss well.
I disagree.
Care to settle the argument? - Oh, that is so good! - Oh, damn! That is so good! I love it, man.
This was all before I met you, darling.
Uh, remind me again why I insisted you guys hang out? Who knows? - We love him! - New bestie!