Drawn Together (2004) s03e09 Episode Script
Charlotte's Web of Lies
Chorus: ooh ee, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ª drawn together babies ª we're cute little girls and boys ª we use imagination like athletes use steroids I like to follow the rules.
I think tolerance is cool.
Yeah, familiness! And cleanliness! I love my chastity.
E.
No goofin' round for m I like cars and girls! I like to sleep on my stomach.
And i'm also in this song.
ª drawn together babies, we poopy in our beds ª we are so adorable ª you'll want to smash our heads in ª drawn together babies Hey, guys! Look what grandpa taught me.
Ugh! Cool! Just like wacky wall walkers! [Grunts.]
Hey, spanky, let's race.
[Splatters.]
I don't know.
That seems unsanitary.
Foxxy, how about you? A'ight, but i'm real shy.
So won't you please pretend i'm the genocide in sudan And turn your head? What's a genocide? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
[Tearing.]
[Cheering.]
[Cheering.]
Attica! Attica! Stop at once! I'm telling mommy.
You're such a tattletale, you adopted homo! I was not adopted! [Grunting.]
Children, are you being naughty? Uh-Uh.
Nuh-Uh.
Why don't you ever pick us up, mommy? Uhh! Ugh! They threw their diapers against the wall.
You should punish them with severe force.
Then maybe they will love you like i do.
[Sniffs.]
Oh, god.
I love you so much.
Remember, kids, lying is wrong.
.
All: we're sorry, mommy Kids, this is charlotte, your baby-Sitter.
Hi,drawn togetherbabies.
Now, you be good little boys and girls-- And one adopted homo-- While mommy and daddy are at court-Ordered therapy.
Man: sweetie, i don't want to be late, So could you move your fat ass? Shut the hell up, you drunken, unemployed bastard! You're gonna wake up sid! [Flies buzzing.]
Uh, mrs.
Baby-Sitter, do you want to play with us and our imag-- Listen up, you little bastards! My boyfriend chad huffington, Heir to the huffington pants fortune, is coming over, So you assholes better shut the hell up And stay in your fucking rooms.
Y don't worry, ma'am.
I'll patrol the hallwa And make sure theystay put.
Spoken like a true ass-Kissing adopted homo.
This baby-Sitter's even worse than the one Who liked to tickle us with her cigarette.
Aww.
I'm not ready to go to bed.
Me neither! Guys, we don't have to go to bed.
I got a plan.
[Flatulence.]
Now, let's go over the plan.
Xandir.
Captain hero is patrolling these hallways.
At precisely 9:16, when he turns down this corridor, I'll signal you by shouting like some slutty cheerleader When i give her the shocker! Good.
And clara? To make the baby-Sitter come, I'll cry even louder than daddy After he found out about black daddy.
And i'll trigger the trap.
And walter saget? I'll knock her in the closet after she falls in.
Guys, this won't work.
The truck is not lined up with the closet-- All: and break! Ooh, shocker! Ohh! The pinky action iswhat makes it so unique! Oh, my god! Mrs.
Drawn together, you whore! And, tyrone, i paid you to kill her, not fuck her! Hey, dickwads, i thought i told you to-- Whoa! [Screaming.]
[Crying.]
When captain hero finds out about this, He's gonna tell mommy and daddy.
We're going to be in so much trouble! I can't go back to the timeout room! I won't go back! No! [Whimpers.]
Now, y'all, we gotta stay calm! Let's not act like we never done this before.
[Doorbell.]
Oh, my god! Who's that? D, it must be the baby-Sitter's boyfrien Chad huffington.
Heir to the huffington pants fortune? The same.
What are we gonna do? Both: i got a plan! I had a plan first.
No, i said i had a plan first! Well, both of you seem equally qualified, But i say we listen to foxxy, Since black people deserve a helping hand.
And that is how princess clara learned to hate the coloreds.
Ok, here's what we gonna do.
We gonna take care of the body.
You guys get rid of chad.
[All gasp.]
[weapons click.]
D.
Not the african country.
The baby-Sitter's boyfrien All: aww.
[Gunshot.]
Charlotte? Are you there, charlotte? It's me, chad huffington, Heir to the huffington pants fortune.
[High-Pitched voice.]
i'm right here, baby.
Keep your pants on.
Ha ha ha.
Darling! Wherever have you been? He wants to know where we've been.
What do i tell him? Tell him we went to get a haircut.
Don't you think he'd notice if she got a haircut? Hurry up! You're so heavy.
Just say something! Where was i, you ask? Why, i was making boom-Boom.
Oh.
Well, you look smashing! And i love what you've done with your feet.
Uh-Oh! Um, why don't we sit down on the couch, mr.
Huffington? Oh, so clumsy of me.
Excuse me.
Oh, charlotte Eww! Grown-Up yuck mouth! Oh, charlotte, i know what this is about.
You still want me to tell my parents about you.
Ok Well, you're right.
It's time, baby.
Let's tell my parentseverything.
Ok Ooh, what was that? Let's do it, chad.
The 5 of us should have a talk with your parents.
Great! You know what'd go smashing with that trench coat? Pants! Pants--They're not jus t for chimps anymore.
[All grunt.]
We're almost home free.
[All gasp.]
Where do you think you're going? And what do we have in that chest? Captain hero, wait! Oh, please don't look.
I's so embarrassed.
Oh, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about.
You're body is kickin' ââ, dawg.
If you like that taste of chocolate, I could give you a tour of the whole factory.
Ohh! Ohh! Whoa! And that is how foxxy love became awhore.
Hero, we gonna be running along now.
Later! Hey, look at that! My pee-Pee bone is back.
Oh, chad, that tramp is clearly after your money! But, mother, this is the woman i love.
Man: love? Ha! [Inhaling.]
You don't even kno w what love is.
Shut your mouth, my rebellious brother chase! And would you put on some pants, for god sake? Pants? Ha! [Inhales.]
I don't even know what pants is.
Chad, no son of mine will be involved with trash.
Either end this right now, or you're no longer Heir to the huffington pants fortune.
So be it.
Oh, chad, what are you doing? What we have is worth much more than money.
Charlotte, will you marry me? Will you excuse us for just a moment? We'll have a spring wedding with garlands.
Oh, this is so romantic.
What? Are you people insane? We're 4 babies in a trench coat.
We have to get out of here! We murdered someone today! Ling-Ling's right.
We can't give up on our one chance at true love.
[Asian music plays.]
Oh, chad, of course i'll marry you.
[Gasps.]
Like a retard swimming at the y.
, It's time to dump in the pool.
Push! Won't mommy and daddy see the body in the pool? Ohh, the vacuum will take care of that.
And besides, mommy and daddy haven't gone swimming Since the pool's been integrated.
[Rap music playing.]
[siren wails.]
Aww, crap! Her hand is stuck! .
Ok.
I'll do it [Gasps and screams.]
Holy fucking shit, she's alive! [All screaming.]
Oh, my god.
The dead baby-Sitter, We almost drownded her.
Rescue hook coming through! [Screams.]
What the hell are you doing? She has to die.
She knows our faces.
It's the only way! You'll thank me for this later! This is what's best for everyone, With the obvious exception of her! [Vacuum gurgles.]
I've taken a life.
I feel a black void growing in my soul, An infinite darkness that can never be filled.
[Grunting.]
[Gulps.]
Void filled! [Glass breaks.]
And that is how toot became a one-Dimensional fat joke.
Man: your face is a fat joke! No.
Yours is.
Oh, chad, our wedding was so perfect.
Ahh, damn it, spanky.
We have to get out of here Before mommy and daddy come home.
Uhh.
Let a man take care of this.
Ahh, why don't you run along On your daily walk to the coffee shop? Heh heh heh.
Ohh, there.
Now we can go home and Ohh, what are you doing here, Chad's rebellious brother chase? I should be askin' you the same thing.
I thoughtwewere gonna be together.
No.
No, we're with chad! Oh, sure.
Chad can give you a stable, boring life.
But can he give you this? Uh, mm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Wow.
And that is how xandir Became ahomo.
Ohh, that was incredible.
Chase is right.
Chad gives us stability, But none of that means anything without passion.
I think we know what we have to do.
ª ling-Ling want to sex you up ª tick tock, you don't stop Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you so much.
Arigato.
Thank you.
Chad's rebellious brother chase, We've decided to leave chad and run away with you.
Oh, char.
Honey! I forgot my wallet.
[Gasps.]
Charlotte? My rebellious brother chase? Me? [Flatulence.]
Guys, we'll be scot-Free As long as we keep our mouth shut.
Mouths shut about what? Uh, nothing.
We weren't talking about anything.
Murder? Who said anything about murder? Walter, how would you like to come play with me On my sit 'n spin? Walter's gonna rat us out.
We got to move the body to somewhere Captain hero would never find it.
Then put it in your g-Spot.
[Both giggling.]
What's a g-Spot? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
How could you? And with my rebellious brother chase? Charlotte's coming with me, 'Cause she's carrying [inhales.]
My unborn child.
[Gasps.]
Xandir, ling-Ling, clara, and spanky: we're pregnant? Ling-Ling: dum dum dum You bastard! It could be my baby! You son of a bitch, take that back! [Both grunting.]
[Grunting.]
Oh, my god! Chad! Chad's rebellious brother chase! Stop it! They're gonna kill each other! I don't want our baby growing up without a father.
Quick, spanky, pee on the floor.
Are you crazy? I'm not supposed to pee outside my diaper.
Mommy says so.
Trust me.
I know what i'm doing.
I'm sorry, urine fairy.
Ohh.
Yeah.
[Urinating.]
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey! That feels kinda nice.
And that is how spanky came to love The wonderful world of excrement, Almost as much as i do.
Ready! My water broke! Oh, my god.
We have to get her to the hospital.
Chase: don't forge t the birthing mix! The birthing mix! Oh, my! Let's go! Let's go! Uh, guys, did you forget something? Both: sorry.
[Laugh track and applause.]
So, walter saget, i don't suppose you know anything About that missing baby-Sitter.
How should i know? I'm just an innocent and pure little baby.
Maybe she went to wash out her dirty snatch.
I don't feel so good.
Hurry up, foxxy! Walter's no match for the sit 'n spin! I'm trying, but the bitch is stuck! [Inhales.]
[Sonar beeping.]
[Cow moos.]
If you tell me everything, i can talk to the d.
A.
About extenuating circumstances.
Extenuating circumstances? What's that mean? How am i supposed to know? I'm a goddamn baby! What the hell took you so long? She was stuck, but i got some help from my animal friends.
Thanks, flipper.
Thanks, tori spelling.
Congratulations on the baby! Quick! Let's get that body out of here! Now tell me what i wanna know! Tell me what i wanna know! Ok! Ok! We killed the baby-Sitter and dumped her in the pool.
Killed her? I knew it! [Screaming.]
[Grunts.]
[Mumbling.]
Whee! Whee? Why the hell did you say, "whee"? You damaged my internal organs on the sit 'n spin.
I have to make that sound every 30 seconds, Or i'll drown in my own bile.
[Gurgling.]
Whee! and that's how walter sage Became wooldoor saget.
[Grunting.]
Would you put down them funyuns And help me pull this bitch? [Gasps.]
hey! Them ain't yo' funyuns! Them's foxxy funyuns.
And that is how foxxy learned that them ain't your funyuns, Them's foxxy's funyuns.
Well, it looks like we made it.
We totally safe until i turn around and bump into-- [Gasps.]
captain hero! Like when daddy plays with mommy on her woman week, I've caught you red-Handed! Goddamn it! When mommy and daddy get back-- [Grunts.]
Walter? What happened to your face? What the fuck happened to your face? You're doing great, honey.
Just relax.
Breathe.
[Inhales.]
breathe, honey.
Don't you tell the mother of my child what to do.
Don'tyoutell the mother ofmychild what to do! [Both grunting.]
We are so screwed.
Even worse, ling-Ling is only Oh, we have no choice! They're all waiting for a baby, And we're gonna give 'em one.
[Straining.]
[Grunts.]
Does it look like me? Does it look like me? He looks more like, uh Dr.
Lingstein? Uh, dr.
Lingstein think he just got paged.
[Screams.]
Dr.
Lingstein regret nothing! [Thuds.]
[Explosion.]
Can you believe it? She was cheating on both of us.
I can't believe we let this whore come between us.
Last time i checked, Huffington pants had 2 legs.
And huffingtons never turn their backs on their jeans.
[Both vocalizing.]
Oh.
It looks like we've lost both chad And chad's rebellious brother chase, And now, we're all alone.
Don't worry, a trench coat.
[Gasps.]
you knew all along? I'm not a complete idiot.
Besides, it's a lot more common than you think.
Goo.
[All gasp.]
Now, you kids run along.
I have to perform an emergency triple bypass.
Emergency triple bypass? What's that? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
[All laughing.]
[Woman screams.]
You think locking me in here will stop me From telling mommy and daddy about-- [Screams.]
Captain hero is totally gonna tell on us.
What the hell are we gonna do? Mom: oh, kids.
Kids! We're home.
Hi, mama.
Hi, daddy.
Ok, what are you kids hiding? Nothing.
Easter eggs.
Our contempt for you.
Kids, is something in that refrigerator? Uh, mama, wouldn't you rather take a tour Of the chocolate factory? [Gasps.]
black daddy's here! Oh, just get out of the way, you little slut.
What are you doing in there, captain hero? That mo-Fo's gonna rat us out.
Well, mommy, you're not going to believe this, But foxxy, toot, and wooldoor Were playing hide-And-Go-Seek with me.
That's all.
Hey, where's the baby-Sitter? Hello, mr.
Drawn together.
The others are in bed, But these 4 are so well-Behaved, I let them stay up to play.
Listen, honey, i'll go ahe ad and take the sitter home.
Oh, good.
I've been brewing a major steamer, And if i don't drop it out soon, It's gonna tear me to shreds.
Why do you always have to be so disgusting? So, charlotte, you told your parents You wouldn't be home for another hour, right? Uh, right.
Of course.
Well, i forgot to give you a tip.
[Squishing.]
[Crying.]
I guess this is what we get for lying.
Thanks for covering, hero.
I guess you learned nobody likes a tattletale.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
Listen, i'm gonna be a while.
You guys run along.
I'm gonna spend some time with my new friend.
Ohh.
And that is how captain hero learned That dead bodies are game for anything.
And i do meananything.
Good night, And fuck you.
Ready.
[Squishing.]
[Dramatic classical music playing.]
[Engine whining.]
[Engine whining and sputtering.]
I think tolerance is cool.
Yeah, familiness! And cleanliness! I love my chastity.
E.
No goofin' round for m I like cars and girls! I like to sleep on my stomach.
And i'm also in this song.
ª drawn together babies, we poopy in our beds ª we are so adorable ª you'll want to smash our heads in ª drawn together babies Hey, guys! Look what grandpa taught me.
Ugh! Cool! Just like wacky wall walkers! [Grunts.]
Hey, spanky, let's race.
[Splatters.]
I don't know.
That seems unsanitary.
Foxxy, how about you? A'ight, but i'm real shy.
So won't you please pretend i'm the genocide in sudan And turn your head? What's a genocide? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
[Tearing.]
[Cheering.]
[Cheering.]
Attica! Attica! Stop at once! I'm telling mommy.
You're such a tattletale, you adopted homo! I was not adopted! [Grunting.]
Children, are you being naughty? Uh-Uh.
Nuh-Uh.
Why don't you ever pick us up, mommy? Uhh! Ugh! They threw their diapers against the wall.
You should punish them with severe force.
Then maybe they will love you like i do.
[Sniffs.]
Oh, god.
I love you so much.
Remember, kids, lying is wrong.
.
All: we're sorry, mommy Kids, this is charlotte, your baby-Sitter.
Hi,drawn togetherbabies.
Now, you be good little boys and girls-- And one adopted homo-- While mommy and daddy are at court-Ordered therapy.
Man: sweetie, i don't want to be late, So could you move your fat ass? Shut the hell up, you drunken, unemployed bastard! You're gonna wake up sid! [Flies buzzing.]
Uh, mrs.
Baby-Sitter, do you want to play with us and our imag-- Listen up, you little bastards! My boyfriend chad huffington, Heir to the huffington pants fortune, is coming over, So you assholes better shut the hell up And stay in your fucking rooms.
Y don't worry, ma'am.
I'll patrol the hallwa And make sure theystay put.
Spoken like a true ass-Kissing adopted homo.
This baby-Sitter's even worse than the one Who liked to tickle us with her cigarette.
Aww.
I'm not ready to go to bed.
Me neither! Guys, we don't have to go to bed.
I got a plan.
[Flatulence.]
Now, let's go over the plan.
Xandir.
Captain hero is patrolling these hallways.
At precisely 9:16, when he turns down this corridor, I'll signal you by shouting like some slutty cheerleader When i give her the shocker! Good.
And clara? To make the baby-Sitter come, I'll cry even louder than daddy After he found out about black daddy.
And i'll trigger the trap.
And walter saget? I'll knock her in the closet after she falls in.
Guys, this won't work.
The truck is not lined up with the closet-- All: and break! Ooh, shocker! Ohh! The pinky action iswhat makes it so unique! Oh, my god! Mrs.
Drawn together, you whore! And, tyrone, i paid you to kill her, not fuck her! Hey, dickwads, i thought i told you to-- Whoa! [Screaming.]
[Crying.]
When captain hero finds out about this, He's gonna tell mommy and daddy.
We're going to be in so much trouble! I can't go back to the timeout room! I won't go back! No! [Whimpers.]
Now, y'all, we gotta stay calm! Let's not act like we never done this before.
[Doorbell.]
Oh, my god! Who's that? D, it must be the baby-Sitter's boyfrien Chad huffington.
Heir to the huffington pants fortune? The same.
What are we gonna do? Both: i got a plan! I had a plan first.
No, i said i had a plan first! Well, both of you seem equally qualified, But i say we listen to foxxy, Since black people deserve a helping hand.
And that is how princess clara learned to hate the coloreds.
Ok, here's what we gonna do.
We gonna take care of the body.
You guys get rid of chad.
[All gasp.]
[weapons click.]
D.
Not the african country.
The baby-Sitter's boyfrien All: aww.
[Gunshot.]
Charlotte? Are you there, charlotte? It's me, chad huffington, Heir to the huffington pants fortune.
[High-Pitched voice.]
i'm right here, baby.
Keep your pants on.
Ha ha ha.
Darling! Wherever have you been? He wants to know where we've been.
What do i tell him? Tell him we went to get a haircut.
Don't you think he'd notice if she got a haircut? Hurry up! You're so heavy.
Just say something! Where was i, you ask? Why, i was making boom-Boom.
Oh.
Well, you look smashing! And i love what you've done with your feet.
Uh-Oh! Um, why don't we sit down on the couch, mr.
Huffington? Oh, so clumsy of me.
Excuse me.
Oh, charlotte Eww! Grown-Up yuck mouth! Oh, charlotte, i know what this is about.
You still want me to tell my parents about you.
Ok Well, you're right.
It's time, baby.
Let's tell my parentseverything.
Ok Ooh, what was that? Let's do it, chad.
The 5 of us should have a talk with your parents.
Great! You know what'd go smashing with that trench coat? Pants! Pants--They're not jus t for chimps anymore.
[All grunt.]
We're almost home free.
[All gasp.]
Where do you think you're going? And what do we have in that chest? Captain hero, wait! Oh, please don't look.
I's so embarrassed.
Oh, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about.
You're body is kickin' ââ, dawg.
If you like that taste of chocolate, I could give you a tour of the whole factory.
Ohh! Ohh! Whoa! And that is how foxxy love became awhore.
Hero, we gonna be running along now.
Later! Hey, look at that! My pee-Pee bone is back.
Oh, chad, that tramp is clearly after your money! But, mother, this is the woman i love.
Man: love? Ha! [Inhaling.]
You don't even kno w what love is.
Shut your mouth, my rebellious brother chase! And would you put on some pants, for god sake? Pants? Ha! [Inhales.]
I don't even know what pants is.
Chad, no son of mine will be involved with trash.
Either end this right now, or you're no longer Heir to the huffington pants fortune.
So be it.
Oh, chad, what are you doing? What we have is worth much more than money.
Charlotte, will you marry me? Will you excuse us for just a moment? We'll have a spring wedding with garlands.
Oh, this is so romantic.
What? Are you people insane? We're 4 babies in a trench coat.
We have to get out of here! We murdered someone today! Ling-Ling's right.
We can't give up on our one chance at true love.
[Asian music plays.]
Oh, chad, of course i'll marry you.
[Gasps.]
Like a retard swimming at the y.
, It's time to dump in the pool.
Push! Won't mommy and daddy see the body in the pool? Ohh, the vacuum will take care of that.
And besides, mommy and daddy haven't gone swimming Since the pool's been integrated.
[Rap music playing.]
[siren wails.]
Aww, crap! Her hand is stuck! .
Ok.
I'll do it [Gasps and screams.]
Holy fucking shit, she's alive! [All screaming.]
Oh, my god.
The dead baby-Sitter, We almost drownded her.
Rescue hook coming through! [Screams.]
What the hell are you doing? She has to die.
She knows our faces.
It's the only way! You'll thank me for this later! This is what's best for everyone, With the obvious exception of her! [Vacuum gurgles.]
I've taken a life.
I feel a black void growing in my soul, An infinite darkness that can never be filled.
[Grunting.]
[Gulps.]
Void filled! [Glass breaks.]
And that is how toot became a one-Dimensional fat joke.
Man: your face is a fat joke! No.
Yours is.
Oh, chad, our wedding was so perfect.
Ahh, damn it, spanky.
We have to get out of here Before mommy and daddy come home.
Uhh.
Let a man take care of this.
Ahh, why don't you run along On your daily walk to the coffee shop? Heh heh heh.
Ohh, there.
Now we can go home and Ohh, what are you doing here, Chad's rebellious brother chase? I should be askin' you the same thing.
I thoughtwewere gonna be together.
No.
No, we're with chad! Oh, sure.
Chad can give you a stable, boring life.
But can he give you this? Uh, mm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Wow.
And that is how xandir Became ahomo.
Ohh, that was incredible.
Chase is right.
Chad gives us stability, But none of that means anything without passion.
I think we know what we have to do.
ª ling-Ling want to sex you up ª tick tock, you don't stop Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you so much.
Arigato.
Thank you.
Chad's rebellious brother chase, We've decided to leave chad and run away with you.
Oh, char.
Honey! I forgot my wallet.
[Gasps.]
Charlotte? My rebellious brother chase? Me? [Flatulence.]
Guys, we'll be scot-Free As long as we keep our mouth shut.
Mouths shut about what? Uh, nothing.
We weren't talking about anything.
Murder? Who said anything about murder? Walter, how would you like to come play with me On my sit 'n spin? Walter's gonna rat us out.
We got to move the body to somewhere Captain hero would never find it.
Then put it in your g-Spot.
[Both giggling.]
What's a g-Spot? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
How could you? And with my rebellious brother chase? Charlotte's coming with me, 'Cause she's carrying [inhales.]
My unborn child.
[Gasps.]
Xandir, ling-Ling, clara, and spanky: we're pregnant? Ling-Ling: dum dum dum You bastard! It could be my baby! You son of a bitch, take that back! [Both grunting.]
[Grunting.]
Oh, my god! Chad! Chad's rebellious brother chase! Stop it! They're gonna kill each other! I don't want our baby growing up without a father.
Quick, spanky, pee on the floor.
Are you crazy? I'm not supposed to pee outside my diaper.
Mommy says so.
Trust me.
I know what i'm doing.
I'm sorry, urine fairy.
Ohh.
Yeah.
[Urinating.]
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey! That feels kinda nice.
And that is how spanky came to love The wonderful world of excrement, Almost as much as i do.
Ready! My water broke! Oh, my god.
We have to get her to the hospital.
Chase: don't forge t the birthing mix! The birthing mix! Oh, my! Let's go! Let's go! Uh, guys, did you forget something? Both: sorry.
[Laugh track and applause.]
So, walter saget, i don't suppose you know anything About that missing baby-Sitter.
How should i know? I'm just an innocent and pure little baby.
Maybe she went to wash out her dirty snatch.
I don't feel so good.
Hurry up, foxxy! Walter's no match for the sit 'n spin! I'm trying, but the bitch is stuck! [Inhales.]
[Sonar beeping.]
[Cow moos.]
If you tell me everything, i can talk to the d.
A.
About extenuating circumstances.
Extenuating circumstances? What's that mean? How am i supposed to know? I'm a goddamn baby! What the hell took you so long? She was stuck, but i got some help from my animal friends.
Thanks, flipper.
Thanks, tori spelling.
Congratulations on the baby! Quick! Let's get that body out of here! Now tell me what i wanna know! Tell me what i wanna know! Ok! Ok! We killed the baby-Sitter and dumped her in the pool.
Killed her? I knew it! [Screaming.]
[Grunts.]
[Mumbling.]
Whee! Whee? Why the hell did you say, "whee"? You damaged my internal organs on the sit 'n spin.
I have to make that sound every 30 seconds, Or i'll drown in my own bile.
[Gurgling.]
Whee! and that's how walter sage Became wooldoor saget.
[Grunting.]
Would you put down them funyuns And help me pull this bitch? [Gasps.]
hey! Them ain't yo' funyuns! Them's foxxy funyuns.
And that is how foxxy learned that them ain't your funyuns, Them's foxxy's funyuns.
Well, it looks like we made it.
We totally safe until i turn around and bump into-- [Gasps.]
captain hero! Like when daddy plays with mommy on her woman week, I've caught you red-Handed! Goddamn it! When mommy and daddy get back-- [Grunts.]
Walter? What happened to your face? What the fuck happened to your face? You're doing great, honey.
Just relax.
Breathe.
[Inhales.]
breathe, honey.
Don't you tell the mother of my child what to do.
Don'tyoutell the mother ofmychild what to do! [Both grunting.]
We are so screwed.
Even worse, ling-Ling is only Oh, we have no choice! They're all waiting for a baby, And we're gonna give 'em one.
[Straining.]
[Grunts.]
Does it look like me? Does it look like me? He looks more like, uh Dr.
Lingstein? Uh, dr.
Lingstein think he just got paged.
[Screams.]
Dr.
Lingstein regret nothing! [Thuds.]
[Explosion.]
Can you believe it? She was cheating on both of us.
I can't believe we let this whore come between us.
Last time i checked, Huffington pants had 2 legs.
And huffingtons never turn their backs on their jeans.
[Both vocalizing.]
Oh.
It looks like we've lost both chad And chad's rebellious brother chase, And now, we're all alone.
Don't worry, a trench coat.
[Gasps.]
you knew all along? I'm not a complete idiot.
Besides, it's a lot more common than you think.
Goo.
[All gasp.]
Now, you kids run along.
I have to perform an emergency triple bypass.
Emergency triple bypass? What's that? How should i know? I'm just a baby.
[All laughing.]
[Woman screams.]
You think locking me in here will stop me From telling mommy and daddy about-- [Screams.]
Captain hero is totally gonna tell on us.
What the hell are we gonna do? Mom: oh, kids.
Kids! We're home.
Hi, mama.
Hi, daddy.
Ok, what are you kids hiding? Nothing.
Easter eggs.
Our contempt for you.
Kids, is something in that refrigerator? Uh, mama, wouldn't you rather take a tour Of the chocolate factory? [Gasps.]
black daddy's here! Oh, just get out of the way, you little slut.
What are you doing in there, captain hero? That mo-Fo's gonna rat us out.
Well, mommy, you're not going to believe this, But foxxy, toot, and wooldoor Were playing hide-And-Go-Seek with me.
That's all.
Hey, where's the baby-Sitter? Hello, mr.
Drawn together.
The others are in bed, But these 4 are so well-Behaved, I let them stay up to play.
Listen, honey, i'll go ahe ad and take the sitter home.
Oh, good.
I've been brewing a major steamer, And if i don't drop it out soon, It's gonna tear me to shreds.
Why do you always have to be so disgusting? So, charlotte, you told your parents You wouldn't be home for another hour, right? Uh, right.
Of course.
Well, i forgot to give you a tip.
[Squishing.]
[Crying.]
I guess this is what we get for lying.
Thanks for covering, hero.
I guess you learned nobody likes a tattletale.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
Listen, i'm gonna be a while.
You guys run along.
I'm gonna spend some time with my new friend.
Ohh.
And that is how captain hero learned That dead bodies are game for anything.
And i do meananything.
Good night, And fuck you.
Ready.
[Squishing.]
[Dramatic classical music playing.]
[Engine whining.]
[Engine whining and sputtering.]