Family Ties (1982) s03e09 Episode Script

## I'll bet We've been together ## ## For a million years ## ## And I'll bet We'll be together ## ## For a million more ## ## Ooh, it's like I started breathin' ## ## On the night we kissed ## ## And I can't remember What I ever did before ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## And there ain't No nothin' ## ## We can't love Each other through ## ## Ooh-hoo ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## Sha-la-la-la ## Okay, Doug, it's to you.
You in or out? I don't know.
What do you think I should do, Alex? Play your own hand for once, will you, Doug? Come on, Lyle, the Dougster can't play his own hand.
It's a fact that's been documented for years.
He needs me.
All right, Doug, I think he's bluffing.
All right.
I'll call you, Clancy.
What do you got? Straight to the jack.
Ha.
A pair of threes.
Amazing.
All right, all right.
So we lost, Doug.
At least we lost with dignity.
You know, in a way that's better than winning.
I'd rather win.
Next week's game is at Flaum's house.
Come on.
See you, Alex.
Hey, Flaum, Flaum, leave the bowl, leave the bowl.
You guys are animals.
See you guys later.
See you next week.
All right, Dougie, here's what we gotta do.
go in the living room and watch Bridge on the River Kwai.
Sounds great.
I can't stay.
Wait a minute, Dougie, what are you talking about? Don't break tradition here.
After every game, I count my money, you clean up, and then we go watch a movie on TV.
Sorry, Alex, I can't tonight.
Someone's picking me up.
Who? I met a girl.
A girl? You? Heh.
I couldn't believe it either.
We're going to a movie at the North Town.
Wait a minute, you're telling me you'd rather go out with a girl than help me clean up? I know it sounds crazy, but yeah.
That's her.
I know her ring.
Here I am, amore mio.
Sometimes, when we're alone, we speak Italian to each other.
It's the language of love.
I'm in the kitchen, amore.
Thank you, Doug.
Th That's very sweet of you.
Mr.
Keaton, I- I thought you were Eleanor.
Uh, no, I'm me.
Right.
This is Eleanor.
Hi.
Nice to have met you.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, uh, arrivederci.
What? Oh.
Well, this is him, Alex P.
Keaton, my best friend.
Isn't he cute? Doug.
This is her, Eleanor Lee, the girl.
Isn't she cute? Doug.
Hey, you're both so cute.
Doug.
Doug.
It was very nice meeting you, Alex.
Uh, yeah, same here.
Listen, we're running a little late.
We better get going if we wanna catch this movie.
Unless you'd rather stay.
We could go some other night.
What, and missBambi? All right.
Okay, Doug, don't forget, Friday night, third annual Milton Friedman lecture.
Absolutely.
Wouldn't miss it for the world, Alex.
I'll be there.
We were going to my sister's on Friday, Doug.
Have to miss it, Alex.
Sorry, no way.
See you later.
Bye.
Alex, you wanna go for ice cream with us? No, thanks, Dad.
No, Doug's coming over.
We're gonna watch True Griton TV.
It's his favorite movie.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm kind of looking forward to it.
You know, I haven't seen Doug in awhile.
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
Just the two men watching a man's movie.
The Duke.
You guys go ahead.
Okay.
There he is.
Hey, Doug.
Hey, Alex.
Eleanor.
Hi, Alex.
Alex, I had a great idea.
I brought Eleanor.
Talk about your great ideas.
Alex, I hope you don't mind my joining you guys.
Doug said you wouldn't.
Mind? Hey, why should I mind? Yeah, why should he? Yeah, why should I? Well, I mean, I am intruding on what's supposed to be, you know, guys' evening.
Ah, it's true.
Okay, Doug, movie's about to start.
What movie? What do you mean, "what movie?" Doug, it'sTrue Grit.
It's your favorite movie, Doug.
Not anymore.
Now it'sYentl.
Yentl? I saw it last week with Eleanor.
Your favorite movie used to beTrue Grit, and now it'sYentl? That's right, Alex.
I'm evolving, I'm broadening my horizons.
I'm What's the third thing I'm doing? You're learning how to think for yourself.
Well, I'm real happy for your progress, Doug, butTrue Grit is what's on this TV tonight.
True Gritwill be fine, Alex.
I never saw it.
It's noYentl.
Could you pass me Eleanor's hand please? Ah, sure.
Thanks.
This is great, isn't it, Alex? It's a dream come true, Doug.
Um, what's wrong with Alex? Hm? What do you mean? Well, just a few minutes ago he came up to me out of the blue and gave me a big hug.
What's wrong with that? I was in the shower.
That is a little strange.
You know, Alex hasn't been himself the last two weeks.
Doug's been spending so much time with Eleanor that Alex never gets a chance to see him.
I think he's lonely.
He needs a friend.
Shh.
Here he comes.
Hi.
Hi, Alex.
Hey.
Hey, how did that shower turn out? Uh, fine.
Oh, wow, that's great.
Oh, you smell good.
Oh, oh, wow, Mom, pregnancy exercises.
Can I do some of these with you? Oh, I've already done mine today, honey.
May Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, Mal.
Hey, Mallory.
Hey, listen, can I Can I drive you down to the mall, you know, we'll go shopping together? Uh, I went shopping yesterday, Alex.
I have no money left.
I can't catch a break here.
Hey, Jen.
Hello.
Got any dolls you want to dress up? My dolls are all dressed, thank you.
We could strip a couple down.
Alex, why don't you just pick up the phone and call Doug? Come on, Mom, what does Doug have to do with a young man's natural desire to dress dolls? Alex, if you miss Doug, why not give him a call? He's your best friend.
Wasmy best friend, Dad.
You know, we've drifted apart.
These things happen.
Hi, Mr.
Keaton, hi, Mrs.
Keaton.
Hey, Doug, all right.
Hey.
All right.
You two have a good day together, huh? Come on, Elyse, I'll race you to the car.
Hey.
Alex, I got something I want to tell you.
Okay, great, 'cause I got something that I wanted to tell you.
Okay, well, you go first, but hurry up, 'cause I gotta go meet Eleanor.
You know, funny you should mention her, because she's who I wanted to talk to you about.
Uh, I-I think you've been seeing too much of her, you know? Too much of her? Alex, I've never met another girl like her.
And the amazing thing is she's interested in me.
Come on, Doug, lots of girls are interested in you.
Well, sure, as a sociological curiosity.
No, I'm not like you.
I don't have girls falling all over me.
Ah.
You know Listen, Dougie, let me give you a little advice, okay? You gotta keep your options open, pal, you know? Plenty other fish in the sea.
I found the fish for me, and we're taking an apartment together.
You're what? You're gonna live with her? Uh-huh.
You can't do that.
You're gonna see her all the time now.
Uh, I hope so, we're gonna be joined in holy matrimony.
No.
Yeah, I'm getting married, Alex.
Well Uh Uh, congratulations, right? I mean I mean that's terrific news.
Oh, Doug, married.
Oh, good for you.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Th That's what I wanted to tell you.
I'm glad you're happy, and I appreciate your good wishes, and Of course, I want you to be my best man.
Doug, are you crazy? Hey, I You don't have to be my best man.
I am not talking about being your best man.
I'm talking about you getting married.
That's insane.
That's ludicrous.
How How are you gonna support yourself? Well, for my part, I'm collecting aluminum cans.
You can't.
You cannot live on what you get from recycling aluminum.
That's just my part.
She's rich.
You can You cannot get married to this girl.
It will be the biggest mistake of your life.
Oh, yeah? Maybe you're the biggest mistake of my life.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
And if that's the way you feel, don't come to the wedding.
Okay, I won't.
Okay, you can't.
Well, fine.
Fine.
And I'll tell you another thing.
What? You can't be my best man either.
Hey, this is great, huh? Just the four of us playing cards.
You know, I thought we'd miss Doug, but, uh, we're getting along just fine without him.
I miss Doug.
Me too.
So do I.
Guys, will you forget about Doug? Doug is history.
It's just us now, and we're gonna We're gonna play poker, and we're gonna have a good time, right? I'll bet Doug's wedding is gonna be just great.
I hear it's all you can eat.
Come on, guys, will you cut it out? Look, it's just us.
Now, w-we're gonna keep playing cards, e-every week, right? W- we don't need Doug, right? Yeah.
Every week.
Now, along those lines, uh, I got a little something that I'd like you all to look at, okay? Here you go.
What is this, a test? I don't know, it's a It's an agreement It's A contract, you know.
Just a legal document wherein we all promise to keep playing cards every week.
Forever? Don't be silly, forever.
No, it's just for seven years.
I can't sign this, Alex.
All right, fine.
If that's the way you guys wanna be, great.
Game's over, okay? Pack up.
Let's go.
You're a great host, Keaton.
We should have played at Flaum's house.
Yeah, maybe we can get something to eat there.
Good night, Alex.
Arrivederci.
Can I take this to a lawyer? Give me that.
And I'll tell you guys something else.
That That is the last time we play cards in my house.
Flaum, don't drive on the lawn.
You, uh You seem a little tense, Alex.
It's just that if you invite guys over to play poker, they should shut up and play poker.
And not babble about some dumb wedding.
This is ridiculous, Alex.
Doug is your best friend.
I think it's silly for you not to go to his wedding.
We're going.
Well, I'm not.
Well, I don't think this wedding should affect your friendship with Doug.
It won't affect my friendship with Doug because, uh, my friendship with Doug is over.
It's okay.
It's okay.
What are you two doing? Mallory's teaching me how to walk in high heels.
Yeah.
If she looks real comfortable in them, maybe Mom will let her wear them to the wedding.
Why, you sure look comfortable to me.
Go ahead, Jen.
Go for it.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry it took me so long.
Uh, I've been practicing walking in my high heels.
How's it going? Great.
Hi, Mallory.
Hi.
Hi, Alex.
Uh, yeah, hi.
Don't leave me! Listen, Alex, do you have a minute? Uh, well, Eleanor, darn it all.
I'm, uh I'm kind of busy right now.
I'm, uh I'm coaching Jennifer how to walk in heels.
That's what older brothers are for.
Come on, Jen.
Now, steady, steady.
Think poise, grace, balance.
Ah, so So how you doing? Fine, fine.
Been really busy lately, you know, with getting invitations out, and making preparations.
I never realized how much a wedding takes out of you.
Tell me about it.
What? No, nothing.
Uh, nothing.
Alex, why won't you come to our wedding? Look, I, uh I just can't, okay? Why not? What are you afraid of? I'm not afraid of anything.
I've been to a lot of weddings.
You think Doug's making a mistake by getting married, don't you? B- but Eleanor, it's nothing personal, you know? I mean, you seem real nice.
It's just that I don't think Doug is ready to get married right now, you know, to anyone.
Well, why not? Because he's so naive? Well, It's not that he's naive.
It's that he's Innocent.
Yeah, but But it's more than that.
It's that he sees the world through the eyes of a child, almost like an infant? Yeah.
Yeah, like an infant.
Like an infant who was raised in the woods by other infants.
I remember the very beginning.
I would walk home from school, and he would walk backwards ten paces in front of me, calling to me in Italian, and And tossing flowers at my feet.
And I remember thinking, "Who is this strange boy?" Yeah, well, he's one of a kind.
One day he said, "I must show you my treasures," and he emptied his knapsack right on my front steps.
I never saw such an odd collection of things.
Yeah, all those aluminum cans.
Little wind-up dinosaurs.
Yeah.
Picture of Sergio Frankie.
And his favorite page from the phonebook.
Smith through Smith.
Ah, I love that crazy lug.
I do too, Alex.
Won't you reconsider and come to the wedding? Eleanor, I, uh I just can't.
Doug is so hurt, Alex.
I just can't stand seeing him this way.
Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do.
Okay? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too, Alex.
What's wrong, Alex? Uh, n-nothing, Dad.
Uh, just, uh, practicing to be a judge.
Death by hanging.
That was, um That was Eleanor, just left.
You have an argument? Uh, no.
No, she was great.
She's one One of the nicest people I ever met in my life.
Then you're going to the wedding? No.
No, Dad.
I'm opposed to this marriage, now more than ever before.
And you know the thing that really irks me? I have no idea why.
Maybe you're afraid.
Of what? Of losing Doug to Eleanor.
Losing Doug to Eleanor? Come on, Dad.
You make it sound like Losing Doug to Eleanor.
That's absurd.
I knew him first.
Look, Eleanor is not taking Doug away.
The two of you can still be friends.
Yeah, but Look, who Who's gonna look after him now? You know, who's gonna hold his glasses when he drinks out of the water fountain? Who's gonna help him find his keys? Who's gonna tell him not to walk when the sign says "don't walk"? She will.
Those are my jobs.
I'm telling you, Dad.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Everything is changing.
Doug is getting married, and the poker game is breaking up.
Jennifer is wearing high heels.
Where does it stop? It never stops, Alex.
Change is Is just a part of life.
You have to learn to accept it with grace and dignity.
Jennifer's wearing high heels? Oh, Steven.
It seems like just yesterday Doug lost his skate key.
I remember.
He slept in those skates for three weeks.
Please be seated.
Ladies, gentlemen, distinguished relatives, guests.
We are gathered here today to join this beautiful couple in holy matrimony.
The marriage oath is a sacred one.
Alex! What are you doing here? Thought you said you weren't coming.
Uh, Doug, uh, please.
Go on with the ceremony.
Well, what's going on? Uh, Doug, I- I reconsidered.
Uh, that's all.
Please, go on ahead.
Get married.
What about everything you said about how you're against my getting married and everything? Uh, listen, Doug.
Sorry.
Um, I've been thinking uh, about everything I said, that, uh, that you were too young, you know, and that your mind was clouded.
Well, I I wasn't talking about you.
Sure sounds like me.
Uh, no.
I- I was talking about me.
You know, my fears and And my immaturity.
My selfishness.
I wasn't thinking about what you had to gain.
I was thinking about what I had to lose.
What did you have to lose? You.
You weren't gonna lose me by my getting married.
Yeah, well, I know that now.
Anyway, I'm sorry, Doug, and I hope you can forgive me.
Alex, do I have your blessing? Doug, until yesterday, I didn't realize what a wonderful girl Eleanor is, you know? How lucky you are to have someone like her.
You got my blessing.
Yeah.
Lyle, you're not best man anymore.
Okay.
Let's go, Alex.
Uh, Doug.
Thanks.
Uh, it's you two that are getting married, right? Uh, right, right.
Um, this is the happy couple.