Friends s03e09 Episode Script

Oh, come on! It's your Thanksgiving too.
Instead of watching football, you could help.
We know.
You wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.
No, you want to put them in concentric circles.
I want to do this.
Every year.
The One With the Football .
:staz:.
(staz@post.
cz) To the 10, to the 5.
Touchdown, Giants! You know, for once, I am gonna try to watch one of these things.
Halftime.
Who wants to throw the ball around? Get a little 3-on-3 going? -That would be fun! -Can I play too? I've never played football, ever.
Great! You can cover Chandler.
I don't really want to play.
You never do anything since you and Janice broke up.
Not true.
I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day.
And start drinking in the morning.
Don't say I don't have goals! You have to start getting over her, all right? If you play, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice.
If you don't, everyone will be mad at you because the teams won't be even.
All right, I'll play.
Let's do it! Ross? -What? -Wanna play football? Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Says who? Your mom? Every Thanksgiving, we used to have a touch football game.
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called The Geller Bowl.
No, no, no.
You say that proudly! Anyway, Ross and I were always captains.
It got kind of competitive, and one year, Geller Bowl vl.
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I accidentally broke Ross' nose.
It was so not an accident.
She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw.
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her big fat grandma-arm elbow in my face.
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and just kept running.
To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
You did not win the game.
The touchdown didn't count.
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because of the spectacularly illegal, and savage, nose-breaking.
I won the game.
Yeah? Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup? There was a Geller Cup? Yes, the trophy you got if you won the game.
But Dad said nobody won, and he was sick of our fighting.
So he took the trophy.
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threw it in the lake.
And was the curse lifted? Anyway.
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Mom said we weren't allowed to play football again.
You know what? I think we should play a game.
I mean, come on.
It's been 1 2 years.
Can I see you for a second? Wuss! All right, we're gonna play.
Wait.
How we gonna get there? My mom won't let me cross the street.
Here you go.
-Let's bring it in.
-Wait.
Honey, throw it to me! Here you go.
That almost hit me in the face! We have to pick captains.
And then "Tenilles.
" So how do we decide that? -Why don't we just bunny up? -What? -Bunny! -Bunny! Looks like Ross and I are captains.
I bunnied first, so I get to pick first.
Joey.
-Thank you.
-Monica! I'm your best friend.
Sweetie, don't worry, you'll get picked.
Sweetie, now I pick you.
You don't pick me.
You're stuck with me! Okay.
So let's see.
Let's play from the trash can to the light post, right? Two-hand touch.
We'll kick off.
People, listen.
I've got 28 minutes.
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before I have to baste again.
Wow, just like in the pros.
Okay, huddle up! -Huddle up over here! -Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh, cool! My first huddle.
So what do you guys really think of Chandler? You know what you're doing, right? Joey will catch it.
We'll block.
What's "block"? -I thought you knew what you were doing.
-I thought you meant in life! Break! The ball is Janice.
The ball is Janice.
Son of a--! -Come on! -I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know what? We're just gonna throw it.
I got it! Go, go, go! Score! Seven to nothing! Honey, you okay? Come on, let's go.
Losers walk.
Yeah? Losers talk.
Actually, losers rhyme.
Forty-three.
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seventy-four.
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You wanna go shotgun? -One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
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-Over here! Over here! I almost caught it! Great.
Now the score's seven to almost seven.
On this play, I want you to do a down-and-out to the right, okay? -Break! -Wait.
What am I gonna do? You? You go long.
How long? Until we start to look very small.
Break! One Mississippi-- Switch! Switch! Switch! Thanks for stopping our ball.
You are playing American football? Wow! You're, like, from a whole other country! I'm Dutch.
Hi, I'm Joey.
I am Margha.
Sorry, Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit.
You wanna play football or-- Hi, I'm Chandler.
Hello, Chandler.
Her name is Dutch and also "Margham.
" Come on, guys! Let's go! Second down! -Hello? It's third down.
-No, it's not.
It's second.
Wow.
"Wow" what? How it just amazes me that you're still pulling stuff like this.
-Pulling what? It's second down.
-Okay, it's second down.
Take all the second downs you need.
-I heard that.
-Well, I said it loud.
It is okay if I stay and watch? -Just sit right there.
-Yeah, why don't you stick around? -That went well.
-I think so.
I was thinking about asking her for her number.
Thanks, man, but it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself.
I was thinking about for me, as part of that getting-over-Janice thing.
Oh, yeah.
That.
If it means that much, I'll let you have her.
Thanks.
"Let me have her"? You mean if you didn't, I wouldn't have a shot? I don't like to say it out loud.
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but yeah! We all have our strengths.
You're better with numbers and stuff.
Math? You're giving me math? All right, you know what? Forget about it.
You go for the girl.
We'll see who gets her.
I want you to run a post-pattern to the left.
And, sweetie-- Yeah, I know.
Go long.
All I'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle.
Well, you wanna just stay out there? Can I see that for a second? Okay, let's go.
-I got Joey! -Hike! One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.
Fumble! What's the matter with you? This is my favorite jersey.
Well, now you have two.
Hey, I am good at math! That's it.
I was still gonna let you have her.
But now, prepare to feel bad about yourself.
I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean! Come on, guys.
Let's go.
Tie score.
We're running out of time.
Forty-two, 38, hike! I got it! Broken boobs! -Pheebs, run! -Run, Phoebe, run! Touchdown! Touchdown! The buzzer buzzed.
It doesn't count.
-After the snap.
-Before the snap.
-After.
-Before.
-Does it really matter? -Yes! But I made a touchdown.
It was my first touchdown.
Pheebs, that's great.
Doesn't count.
-Does so count.
-Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
Oh, my God! That's fine.
Maybe you haven't grown up, but I have.
Dead leg! Okay, fine.
You want to win by cheating, go ahead.
The touchdown does count.
You win.
I won't do this again.
I wanna beat you when you can't blame it.
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on the broken nose or the buzzer or the fact that you might have mono.
Let's just call this tie score and it's halftime.
First, I don't play with cheaters.
Second of all, you know I had swollen glands! You know what? I think you'll play.
Oh, really? Why's that? Because the winner gets this.
The Geller Cup! Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two-by-four? Okay, good.
Where the hell did you get that? When you went to the hospital for your nose.
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I swam into the lake and fished it out.
That cup is mine! No, it's not.
You want it, you're gonna have to win it.
So are we not having dinner at all? Come on, let's go.
It's time to get serious.
Huddle up.
Keep your head in the game.
It's hard, you know? His huddle's close to the Dutch girl.
If I take Chandler out of the running, will you be able to focus? -What are you gonna do? -Just make sure he catches the ball.
I'll do the rest.
-Come on, you wuss! -Okay, come on.
I got it! Come on! This way! Come on! Look out! Tackled by a girl! Bet you don't see that every day.
What's with the tackling? What? I just touched him and he went over.
Okay.
You wanna play rough? We can play rough.
Let's get ready to rumble! -Go, go, go! -Get her! Get her! I love this game! Where'd you get that? I went really long.
Forty-two to 21 .
Like the turkey, Ross is done! You got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Pathetic! Why can't you just accept that we're winning.
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because I'm better than you? Oh, what a great argument.
Exhaling! All right, I'll prove it to you.
I'll trade you Joey for Rachel and I'll still win the game.
What? The guys against the girls? That's ridiculous because I'm only down by three touchdowns.
Then bring it on! Unless you're afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Fine.
Rachel, you're with Monica.
Joey, you're with me.
I can't believe you're trading me.
Let's see what it's like to be on a winning team for a change.
You're gonna let me play? All right, then! The game is over? We eat now? The game's not over.
We're switching teams.
Chandler finds me so intimidating that it's better if we're on the same team.
Okay, let's play.
Let's go.
Hold on a second.
Where do Dutch people come from? Well, the Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
And the other Dutch people? They come from somewhere near the Netherlands, right? Nice try.
The Netherlands is this make-believe place.
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where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell live.
Oh, my.
Enough "geography for the insane.
" Let's play ball.
I'm not playing with this guy.
-Fine with me.
-I've had enough of this.
Let's just cut to the chase.
Heidi, which of my boys do you like? What are you doing? What are you doing? Which do I like? Yeah, for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill? Well, if I had to choose right now.
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which, by the way, I find really weird.
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I would have to say Chandler.
Wait a minute.
She didn't understand the question.
Why don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her? I'm sorry.
That is my truth.
You hear that? That is her truth, Mr.
"I'll Let You Have Her" ! I win! You suck! I rule all! Mini-wave in celebration of me! I am now thinking I would like to change my answer to "no one.
" What? I now find you shallow.
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and a dork.
Bye-bye.
Nice going.
You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
It doesn't matter, because she picked me.
From now on, I get the dates.
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and you stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook! Save the breakthroughs for therapy.
The clock is ticking.
We have no time and we are losing to girls.
We're not gonna lose to girls.
It's 42-21 ! This sucks! I was just up by that much! Are we playing football or what? Come on, you hairy-backed Marys! We have to do this.
We're playing for women everywhere.
Think about every lousy date you ever had.
Every guy who kept one eye on the Tv while you were making out.
Oh, my God.
You dated someone with a glass eye too? Come on, okay? This is for all womankind.
Let's kill them! Yeah! Kill them! All right, I want to kill them too.
But they're boys.
You know, how are we gonna beat three boys? A minute and a half left and we're down by two points.
Two points, ladies.
Phoebe, you do a buttonhook again.
Rachel, you go long.
No, don't make me go long.
Use me.
They never cover me.
Honey, there's a reason.
I'm not lame, okay? I can do something.
Would you let me throw? This is my game too.
Let her throw the ball.
Sweep behind, I'll pitch it.
You throw it downfield to Phoebe.
Thank you.
-Break! -Break! All right, here we go.
Thirty-two, 71 , hike! One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi! Go, go, go! Catch it! -I'm so sorry.
Are you okay? -No, I'm not okay! They were coming at me and I didn't know what to do.
Thirty seconds left on the timer.
So we get to take that stupid troll thing home.
Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time.
Huddle up! This is our last huddle! All right, Phoebe, get open.
Rachel.
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go long.
Okay.
Break! I did it! Touchdown! We did it! You know? Funny thing, actually.
The end zone starts at that pole.
So you're five feet short.
So.
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we win! Yes, yes, yes! Wait, explain something, though.
If nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going? -Let me in, let me in! -No way! Let go! Let go?! I'm a tiny little woman! Come on, it's Thanksgiving! It's not important who wins or loses.
The important thing is the Dutch girl picked me! Me, not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night! We should play football more often.
Maybe there's a league we could join.
Isn't there a "national football league"? Yes, there is.
They play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Oh, shoot! I work Monday nights.
This stuffing is amazing.
Do you think we should bring them some? When they're hungry, they'll come in.
-Let go! -No, you let go! How come it's always us left holding the ball? I don't know.
I guess the other people just don't care enough.
Hey, it's starting to snow.
-Give it to me! Let go! -Let it go! Come on, let go!