Hacks (2021) s03e09 Episode Script
Bulletproof
1
- Hi, sweetie.
- Oh, Deborah.
- Marty's in a meeting.
- That's okay.
- But you can't go in there.
- Oh, I think I can.
Oh, wait!
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
- Deborah.
- Wow.
- I didn't see that coming.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
I'll give you two a minute.
That's usually all he needs.
[CHUCKLES]
- Ernesto, take five.
- Okay.
Big fan.
Victoria wanted me to
brush up on my tango
for our first dance at the wedding.
Well, where is she?
I think I've heard that
it takes two to tango.
[LAUGHS] She made it to the finals
of the Lyon backgammon tournament.
She's a competitive backgammon player.
She's not good. You pay to play.
It doesn't matter. What do you want?
Oh, I thought you might want this back.
I don't know what this is.
It's the master key
card to the Palmetto.
- What?
- Yeah, lets me in
to every room in the casino
and a couple of the safes.
Oh, my God! How do you have this?
Now I gotta report it
to the gaming commission
and fill out all the paperwork.
- Damn it.
- Well, I don't need it anymore
because I'm moving to LA
to host late night.
You got it?
Yes.
Oh, my God!
I am so happy for you.
I know how hard you worked for it.
Thank you.
And I appreciate you
telling me in person.
Well, no.
I just came to give you the key back.
Oh, okay.
Anyway, where'd you find this Ernesto?
He needs to unlock your hips.
Oh, really?
Why don't you show me?
- Okay.
- Okay.
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
She's got it.
Turn, bah, and step.
- Whew.
- Ah!
- [LAUGHS]
- That a girl.
♪
Oh, oh, next, I need to narrow down
- what pens we're gonna pack.
- Okay.
The Caran d'Ache Astrograph, obviously.
I will add that to the list.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, shit.
I gotta take this. Sorry.
- Yeah, sure.
- Just give me a second.
- Hi, Kathy. How are you?
- I'm good.
I'm really looking
forward to our weekend.
What time are you
getting in on Saturday?
Um, I was just about to call you.
Actually, um well, it's
not officially announced yet,
but I just got my own late night show.
Oh, wow! That's that's amazing.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
But it's gotten kind of crazy
around here, as you can imagine.
I know we were gonna spend
the whole weekend together,
but I really can only do Sunday now.
Oh. Uh, okay.
Um, yeah, I think I can
move some stuff around.
Great, great.
I look forward to it.
Me too.
Oh, and I thought maybe after lunch,
uh, we could go by and visit Mom and Dad
at the mausoleum on the way back.
Oh, sure. Yeah, let's let's do it.
See you soon.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
♪
Hey.
- I've been texting you.
- Sorry.
I'm trying to set up all
these kickoff meetings
for Deborah and the network.
Okay, well, isn't that my job, dillweed?
There's a lot of important things
we need to set in
motion, and I just think
this is too high stakes for you.
Ugh! Oh, my God!
I said I was sorry
about the double booking and the tweet.
It's like you make one mistake,
and you're crucified like Jesus
Christ on the freaking cross.
That was two mistakes in one week.
Also, that's my coffee.
It's nasty anyways.
It needs some sugar or something.
I was texting you because I actually
did something really good.
I got us a meeting with Bella Donaldson.
Wait. Who is that again?
You know, she was, like, a Disney kid.
But now, she's pivoting
into being an adult.
She's in the new Aronofsky movie,
which is getting a lot of award buzz.
- Oh, yeah.
- She fired her reps.
I went to Oakwood with
her. So I emailed her.
And she wants to meet up to talk about
potential representation!
Oh, wow. That's good.
It's not good. It's really good!
- [DEVICE BEEPING]
- Oh, it's 4-1-1-7,
and you're gonna want to
pull up hard on the handle.
Yeah, harder than you
think. Like, really yank it.
Yeah.
We really need to get
an office, I think.
- I know. Let's just pick one.
- Mm-hmm.
Tonight has been the honor of my life.
It's always been a dream of mine.
And I'm just so
oh, I'm such a big baby.
I'm just so proud to host this show.
And I'm even more proud to
share it with my family.
Hey.
You watching old game tape?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
"Biff Cliff"?
Was your show produced
by a cartoon duck?
You don't know who Biff Cliff is?
He's a legend.
He ran the network for 40 years.
- He greenlit "Who's Making Dinner?"
- Okay, love him.
Also killed my late night show.
Motherfucker. Where's he buried?
Take a shit on his fucking grave.
Oh, no, no, he's alive.
You know, men like him live
hundreds and hundreds of years.
So what did you want to talk about?
Well, uh,
I know your hiatus is ending soon
and you're going back to
your show in a few weeks,
but I was wondering
if you would consider
coming to my show as head writer.
Yeah, so you know how you
told me to keep writing
my own stuff while I was here?
- Yeah.
- Well, I did.
And I wanted to show you
what I've been working on.
Okay.
What is this?
Every time I started
working on my own idea,
I just got stuck.
But then I started writing stuff
for your late night show,
and I just couldn't stop.
You know, this would have
been a huge waste of your time
if I hadn't gotten it.
I knew you would.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
So, you in?
- Of course.
- [LAUGHS]
This is gonna be amazing.
[LAUGHS]
And these are Deborah's
recurring corporate gigs.
I've highlighted the ones
that are coming up
in the next 18 months.
It would be great if
we could book anything
that happens before production starts.
- Right.
- Oh, every three months,
we send a Harry & David
gourmet fruit basket
to Deborah's accountant,
alternating between citrus and pear,
so he's more inclined to take
Deborah's calls at all hours.
Uh-huh.
And in the unlikely event of a break-in,
there is a safe in the primary closet.
That's a dummy safe.
The jewels in there are
practically worthless.
Follow me.
The real safe is in
the floor of the pool.
Wait. You're leaving.
- No!
- Damien
- No, you can't leave!
- Shh.
I don't want to be the new Marcus.
I can't do it. I don't want it.
- Calm down.
- I don't want to know when
one fiscal quarter
ends and another begins.
I don't want Deborah to confide in me!
- Please!
- You're gonna be just fine.
- I promise.
- Does Deborah know?
- Not yet.
- She's gonna freak.
And guess who she's
gonna take it out on!
Me!
No!
[SOBBING]
Okay, okay.
I don't want to talk to vendors.
I don't even pay my own taxes.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
- Hello. Hi.
- You okay?
Oh, yeah, I'm a little
nervous, but who isn't?
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
- Over there.
- Oh.
[GASPS] Oh, my God!
Hello, my girly, girly, girl.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
Oh, my pepperoni stick.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Jimmy LuSaque, Jr.
- BOTH: Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
- We're right over here.
- Sorry I'm late.
I just had this general with Baz.
- Luhrmann?
- Yeah, that's the one.
- He's so cute.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
You know, ever since this
goat demon movie came out,
it's just been crazy.
All good, but crazy.
Congrats on that, by the way.
I loved it. I wasn't even scared.
It's not supposed to be scary.
And I wasn't, yeah.
It's so good. You were awesome in it.
You're great. You're great in it, yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Everyone sees me as a
Disney kid, obviously.
So this is a really huge
opportunity for me to rebrand.
And I love what you've
done with Deborah.
She's my queen.
And how fun would it be to
work together, pepperoni stick?
- So fun.
- Ah!
What is this "pepperoni stick" thing?
Oh, my God, you didn't tell him?
- No.
- You want to tell him?
- No.
- You want me to tell him?
- No, don't tell him.
- Oh, my God. okay, I will.
There was this sleepover
where Kayla was caught
watching "Zack & Cody"
with a pepperoni stick
in her sleeping bag I'll
let you fill in the rest.
I was eating it.
Also, whenever Kayla
would go to the bathroom
at a sleepover, we would all
run out of the house and hide.
And at my 12th birthday,
she literally just watched
"American Beauty" with my mom.
- Lisa has a great laugh.
- You're such a dork.
[CHUCKLING]
[BELL TOLLING]
[SIGHS]
- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
- [WHISPERING] Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, God, if they called back,
it must mean that it's important.
Okay, sorry, I'll be
right back. All right.
Rob, baby, how are you doing?
Yes, oh.
Yes, yes. Oh, God, I love saxophone.
Yes, but I I'm gonna
have to call you back.
Okay, bye.
Sorry. That was really urgent.
[CHUCKLES]
So where were we?
Oh, yeah.
I can't believe you took that.
It's a really busy time.
Oh, I've heard.
I'm making an effort.
I came all the way here.
Yeah, to roll calls at
our parents' grave site.
- Real nice.
- I apologized.
It's just so disrespectful.
Mom's probably doing flips in there.
Oh, please, she's not even in there.
What?
I I
I
I moved them to Vegas.
What?
It was '97, and a plot
opened up next to mine.
I I took it. I mean,
it was time-sensitive.
Those plots never open
up. It was a corner plot.
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
Why are you laughing? What's funny?
You are a monster.
I used my art shipper!
Oh, my God. [CHUCKLING] Oh, man.
Why have I spent my entire life
trying to make amends
with someone so awful?
I did one really bad thing,
but you have done hundreds,
and this may be the worst.
I'm sorry. I am. I'm
I I should have told you.
Told me? You shouldn't have done it.
But you know what? It doesn't matter.
It's it's a relief, actually. [SIGHS]
I can't keep going to the
hardware store for milk.
What?
- It's a therapy thing.
- Oh.
Listen, I know it was wrong,
but it was a long time ago.
And today's been so nice.
Has it?
You cut our weekend short,
spent the entire lunch talking
about who should be your bandleader.
You took a work call at what I thought
was our parents' grave site.
You of all people should know
how important this show is to me.
I do.
And, weirdly, I'm happy for you I am.
[SIGHS]
But it's not gonna make dealing
with you any easier, is it?
I don't
I don't think I want this in my life.
I can't do it.
[SIGHS]
Kathy.
[SNIFFLES]
Break a leg.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
Everybody says the food's bad,
but I love ceviche,
so I was a happy boy.
But enough about me.
- How was your hiatus?
- Really good.
Yeah, I actually did some freelance
work with Deborah Vance again.
- Oh, yeah, congrats to her. Good choice.
- Yeah, I agree.
Listen, I just want to
say, I love working here.
And I'm so grateful for the opportunity.
Oh.
But I just wanted to
give my notice in person.
I'm gonna stay on with Deborah
and be head writer on her new show.
Well, I hate to lose
you. You're an asset here.
You're the hardest-working
person in this office.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Well, how about this?
How about I make you head writer here?
Thomas is leaving.
He's got a book deal for his
memoir about his sex addiction.
I'm not supposed to mention
it, but there's an opening here.
That is so nice. I so appreciate that.
But I just think the work I
need to do is with Deborah.
All right.
Well, we're gonna miss you. Good luck.
And, hey, the universe
works in mysterious ways.
Maybe our paths will cross again.
Yeah, thanks.
And I knew about Thomas's sex addiction.
He always comes back
sweating from lunch.
It's like, we don't have a gym.
Yeah.
[SOFTLY] It's good he's going.
It's good he's going.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
So, as far as brand deals,
I've been leveraging
Maytag and Frigidaire
against each other.
- It's getting nasty.
- Really?
- That's interesting.
- Yeah.
Do you remember when I
convinced you to climb
into the dryer and my
cleaning lady turned it on?
Only a little 'cause of
that grade-two concussion.
Oh, my God, that's right.
Is that why you dress like that?
Yeah, my stuff's so ridiculous.
Hi. Excuse me. Hi.
Um, we are, like, huge fans.
Can we get a photo real quick?
I I'm sorry if I'm bothering
- Of course, yeah.
- No, no, no.
Thanks for saying hi. Yeah, I'll take
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, we have this hilarious dynamic.
I was always the funny one,
so everyone was always laughing at me.
Okay, 'cause it just seems
like she's being kind of mean.
No. No.
- We're, like, huge fans.
- It was nice to meet you.
Okay, bye. Tag me.
[SIGHS] Oh, my God.
[GASPS] That reminds me.
Pepperoni Stick used to go
on all our family vacations
so that she could take the pictures.
And we could do that
again! You know what I mean?
All my press tours and
stuff you could come with.
- So fun.
- Okay, you know what?
Um, Bella, you seem like a really
promising actress on the rise.
- Thank you.
- And I'm really excited to see
what Frigidaire and Maytag
have in store for you.
But, unfortunately, I just don't think
that we're the right fit for you.
So best of luck with your career.
We're gonna go.
Come on, Kayla.
Um, I don't know what that was.
I'll go check on him.
Sorry.
Okay, that was insane,
random, rude, and weird.
Hey, what the hell?
I did not like how that
girl was treating you, okay?
She's not your friend. She's your bully.
And we're not gonna work with
people that treat you like that.
Well, did you want to ask
me how I felt about it first?
Are you mad at me? I was defending you.
I worked really hard
to set that meeting up.
Okay, I'm sorry I don't
want to work with people
who are mean to you.
Also, it's not exactly your
job to recruit new talent.
Your job is to do assistant stuff,
- like not double-book meetings.
- I'm sorry I suck, okay?
I mean, when I was at
Latitude, I thought even though
everybody here thinks I'm a fuck-up
and I'm just there because of
my dad, at least you didn't.
So then I stayed.
And then when we left, I thought, oh,
wow, now we get to do
this, like, really cool,
awesome new thing
together, and now I realize
that you just think I'm a fuck-up too.
- That's not true.
- Yeah, it is.
You always roll your eyes at me,
and you tell me every time
I mess up your lunch order.
And what happened in
there just proves my point.
You don't care what I think.
And, yeah, I mess up a
lot, but I'm really trying.
Okay, I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.
Can we just can we
talk about this in the car?
No, I'm not coming.
I I need to just think about things.
What do you mean?
I don't know if this career is for me.
I need to just, like, get out of L.A.
and, you know, clear my head.
Kayla, come on.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[KNOCKING]
Hi. Is Biff home?
So congratulations are in order.
- Thank you.
- So how can I help you?
I was just in the neighborhood,
and, uh, my day suddenly opened up.
And I wanted to talk to
you about my new show.
Well, before I do all this again
I really need to know why it
didn't work the first time.
You know. The house fire, the bad press.
I know. I know.
I've just always thought that
if I'd been a little bit better,
a little bit funnier,
if I'd been undeniable
it could have happened.
This is the problem with you creatives.
You think it's all about
talent and hard work.
"The harder I work, the
more successful I'll be."
It's true. It is.
But it's also about luck.
And you can't control luck.
You guys want it so bad,
you trick yourself
into thinking you can.
Deborah, you were undeniable.
In the history of our network,
we never had a pilot
that tested that well.
It went through the roof.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
But it didn't matter because
it wasn't about good or funny.
We just couldn't handle
all that bad publicity.
But couldn't you? [CHUCKLES]
I mean, Jimmy Page dated a 14-year-old.
He sold out his tour the next year.
[CHUCKLES]
Deborah, there are a million factors
in getting a show on the
air or keeping it on the air.
With a woman, make it a million and one.
You're talented. Everybody knows that.
You work hard. Everybody knows that.
All you gotta do is pray
that something doesn't happen
that gives them an excuse to say no.
Other than that, good luck.
Thanks.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
So are you an actor?
Oh, no. [LAUGHS] No.
No, I'm just about to start a new job,
and there's gonna be an announcement.
So I just needed new headshots.
- Mm, that's very exciting.
- Yeah!
I'm not really supposed to,
like, say what it is, though.
Okay.
I'm gonna be the head writer
of Deborah Vance's new late-night show.
- Ah, cool.
- [LAUGHS]
Yeah, it's kind of,
like, my dream job, so
Okay, now that I know you're a writer,
- I think I should start over.
- Oh, okay.
You're probably gonna
wear glasses, right?
Uh, probably not, 'cause I
don't I don't wear glasses.
Oh.
But you'll hold a pencil?
Um
Did I get you?
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Can you hold? Hold one second.
Got ya, girl. Found one. [CHUCKLES]
Still good ♪
Still alive ♪
Still good ♪
Still alive ♪
I return to find a way ♪
[LINE RINGING]
- The voice mailbox of
- Kayla Schaef
- [TIRES SCREECHING, HONKING]
- Fuck off!
The light was yellow, you bitch!
Is full. [LINE BEEPING]
Hello, hello. There's our
new face of the network.
- Hi, Winnie.
- Jimmy, it was fun
smacking you around last night.
Oh, pickleball, not sex.
Come on up. Everyone's
excited about you.
Big risk, big reward.
Thank you.
Oh, well, you
you really pack them in here.
You have the full weight
of the network behind you.
- We wanted you to meet everyone.
- Great, great.
The last time I had this meeting,
it was just me and a
couple of guys day-drinking
- at Musso & Frank's.
- [LAUGHTER]
So we have Billy from
programming, Angela from PR,
Patrick from legal, Ron from clearances,
Tom Buckamayer, who
runs our digital team,
Priya on social, Nina
who's on queer social,
Dana on algorithms and
data, Paul from marketing,
and Regina from international marketing,
'cause you'll be in
Europe and most of Asia.
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah, lot of eyeballs.
And then we have our brand integration
and ad sales team in the back.
Wave, guys.
Guys, wave.
Sorry about that.
Let's get started.
Okay.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
♪
DV.
Doing some reno?
Yeah, I think I I have to.
So how'd it go today?
Good, um
but something did come up.
They want me to keep
Steve on as head writer.
- The hockey jersey guy?
- Yeah.
Are you serious?
Why why would they want
some crusty, old white dude
who's been there for, like, 20 years?
'Cause he's been there, like, 20 years.
They feel he can help
transition the show,
- and they trust him.
- Fuck.
I know. I know. I'm sorry.
I tried to push back, I really
did, but it was a mandate.
But you'll still be on the staff,
and I need you there.
[SIGHS]
Aw.
I'll take you shopping.
Or better yet, you can take me shopping.
[GASPS] We can go to that
size-inclusive thrift store
that's on the school bus
you were telling me about.
Thanks, but, um
I'm not I'm not really in the mood.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Good afternoon,
passengers. Welcome aboard.
- Oh, my God, Kayla.
- Jimmy?
Are you going to Mykonos?
No, I just needed to talk to you.
How did you know I was on this flight?
'Cause you bought a ticket
with the company card
- and I got an email alert.
- It autofills.
I don't know if that was me for sure.
You did do it, but because you won't
return my texts or
calls, I bought a ticket
just so I could say this to
you please, don't leave.
Stay here with me.
Oh, my God. This is so romantic.
Oh, no, no, no. This
is just a work thing.
- You don't need to film.
- Keep filming.
Listen, you were right.
I have been underestimating you.
You figured out how to get
Jack Danby out of the running.
You figured out how to get
face time with Winnie Landell.
Deborah wouldn't have gotten
late night without you.
Sir, you cannot be
standing in the aisle.
Okay, this will just take one sec.
[GASPS] He's proposing!
No, no, no, no, this is
just a platonic work thing.
Please take your seat.
We're about to push back.
Real quick we are a great team
because you think outside the box.
Yes, inside that box
are skills like calendar,
texting the right person back,
scheduling that you do not have
a handle on at all, but that's okay,
because sometimes the most
innovative visionaries struggle
with executive functioning.
You are not an assistant.
You are a manager and a great one.
So, please, stay here
with me and be my partner.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I thought you were a man.
- They're gay.
- What? I am a man.
- But you said "partner."
- Leave us alone!
If I stay with you,
there's some conditions
- I want you to meet.
- Okay.
- I want my own assistant.
- Absolutely.
- And my own office.
- Of course.
And I want to have a movie
night once a week with you.
Okay. I mean, no. Actually, no.
- Fine, twice a week.
- No movie night.
Okay, fine, but I get to show you
three funny videos in
the morning that I made.
Okay, yes. Okay, sure.
Okay, then, yes! I said yes!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, no, thank you, but this is just
- this was just a work thing.
- Kiss!
What is your deal?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Thanks.
♪
Gray Porsche, thanks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hi, Winnie.
Uh, Ava Daniels.
Lewis introduced us in Montreal.
- Right, his favorite writer.
- Yeah.
And, um, I've actually been
working with Deborah Vance.
Nice.
I'm sorry, I would
never normally do this,
but running into you feels
like a sign from the universe,
so I just have to say
I know you guys want Steve
to stay on as head writer,
and I know I don't have as
much experience as he does,
but I've been working with
Deborah one-on-one for years now.
And I feel like I know
what the show needs.
And I feel like I know what she needs.
And I just feel like I'm
the best person for the job.
Great. So pitch yourself to her.
What what do you mean?
Deborah can hire whomever she wants.
We told her she has full hiring power.
Have a good night.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
- You lied to me.
- What are you talking about?
They told you you could
hire whoever you want!
- No.
- Don't bother.
I saw Winnie. She told me.
[SIGHS]
Listen
I've been in this game a long time.
I know how it goes.
The network is taking a
massive risk having me host.
They need to feel
comfortable with the face
- they see across the table.
- That's not true.
They literally said it's your decision.
Oh, sure, they say that,
but when push comes to shove,
they don't want me taking
any risks trust me.
I don't trust you.
You're a fucking liar.
Okay, I am sorry about that.
I I did it because I didn't
think you would understand.
You'll still be on the show.
You'll just be the number two,
which, honestly, it's
a lot less pressure.
But you can still do all the work.
You can be the woman behind
the man behind the woman.
Oh, my God, this is such bullshit!
I'm the better person for the job.
If you hire him, you'll just
be making the same version
of the same show that's
existed for 50 years,
and it won't be special or unique.
It'll just be the same shit in a dress!
- No, it won't!
- Yes, it will, because I know you.
You're already making
decisions out of fear,
and you'll keep doing it.
And even if I wasn't the
best person for the job
and I am
you should give it to me
because of our relationship!
It's not about our relationship.
It's about making the show work.
Don't you get it?
It'll work better because
of our relationship.
What we make together
is good because of it.
And you know that, or else
you wouldn't have asked me
to come back here in the first place.
You said you needed me.
I do, but not to be my head writer.
Well, what about what I need?
What you need is to take the win
of being on the staff and be happy!
Happy with a demotion?
Lewis offered me the head writer job,
and I turned it down.
You specifically told
me to be ambitious,
except when it
inconveniences you, I guess.
God, you are so selfish.
Yes, I am.
You have to be selfish.
Well, I don't want to be.
I don't want to be a
shark or whatever the fuck.
- I wanted to do it with you.
- I want that too.
I just can't have you be head writer.
- But that's not fair.
- Oh, congratulations.
You're right. The business isn't fair.
I'm not asking
for the business or
the world to be fair.
[VOICE BREAKING] I am asking for you
to treat me fairly,
because you owe me that.
Stop crying.
This is just the way it is.
You get your foot in the door
so you can prove you can do it.
And then if you want
to make a change, fine.
I cannot give them any excuse.
This show has to be bulletproof.
It has to work.
I've lost way too much for it not to.
And you're okay with losing me too?
I'm willing to.
[SNIFFLES]
I uprooted my entire life for you.
I put you first
because I care about you,
and I can't believe you
won't do that for me.
You'll never do that for me.
You'll never do that for anyone.
[SNIFFLES]
You think you're only lonely
when you have to open
a bottle of champagne?
Bullshit, you're lonely
all the fucking time.
And you're gonna die that way too.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.
What is this building?
Well, I wanted your opinion,
because this might be my new office.
Huh?
- What do you think?
- It's fine.
Okay, well, I looked
for a really long time,
and I already had it
professionally saged, so
Oh, yeah, sure. I mean,
it's it's gorgeous.
Okay, great, I'm so
glad. Whew. [CHUCKLES]
[CLICKS TONGUE] How you doing?
- Shitty.
- Hmm.
What am I gonna do for work?
Are people still looking
for noisy concepts?
No, now everybody's looking for
"shows that already
exist with one tiny tweak"
or huge global hits.
Look, I can call Lewis and
see if he'll hire you back,
but just to say it,
I think you should stay with Deborah.
- Are you kidding?
- I know. I know.
But look, I just think
if you work for that show,
eventually you will get the
job I really believe that.
Who cares? She lied to me.
She did.
And I'm really sorry.
But as Deborah's manager,
I want that show to
be the best it can be.
And there is no version
of that without you there.
And as your manager and your friend
I just think you and Deborah are
too good together to give up on this.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, well, tell her that.
Yeah, I'm telling you
because I know you'll
do the right thing.
It is a really nice
office. You should be proud.
She wouldn't have gotten
the show without you.
Thanks, but you know
I didn't do it alone.
[LABI SIFFRE'S "CANNOCK CHASE"]
♪
Sitting in the back seat of my car ♪
With my arms around my guitar ♪
And the rain falls ♪
Hey, how's it going?
Can I get a pack of American
Spirit Yellows, please?
Nothing around, just
trees in the ground ♪
There's a bird in a
tree singing a song ♪
Just for me ♪
Can I also get that bottle of Krug?
Just for me ♪
Yeah, da-da-da ♪
Da-da-da, da-da-da ♪
Da-da ♪
Da-da-da ♪
Da-da-da, da-da-da ♪
Da-da ♪
Da-da-da ♪
♪
Good morning.
I I know I'm a little early,
- but I was just so excited.
- No problem.
I'll bring you into the conference room.
Rob and the producers will
be in in just a second.
Wonderful.
And one of your writers
is already in there.
- Right in here.
- Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]
I'm really, really happy to see you.
I realized I belong
here, no matter what.
Good, good.
I also realized that it
would be really, really bad
if people found out that you slept
with the chairman of this company
right before he gave you your own show.
[INHALES SHARPLY] Yeah.
The optics of that are pretty rough,
especially since the show
needs to be bulletproof,
like you said.
So
I think I am your head writer after all.
[PARCELS' "NEVERLOVED"]
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
♪
Wouldn't you?
Hey, there, Deborah.
Hi, Rob.
I think you know
my new head writer, Ava Daniels.
- Hey.
- Uh, yes.
- Hi, good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
♪
Um, I'm having Sue and
Mark join us from talent,
because we have got a lot to talk about.
♪
Shall we begin?
Let's.
Hiding from the sound ♪
I never loved her ♪
♪
I've never loved ♪
♪
I never loved her ♪
♪
Leaving this lie ♪
Leaving this dream ♪
I'm leaving tonight,
and I can't be seen ♪
I'm taking the moment ♪
Giving up my past ♪
I'm gonna reach up
for what's gonna last ♪
I never loved her ♪
All day, all night ♪
I've never loved ♪
- Hi, sweetie.
- Oh, Deborah.
- Marty's in a meeting.
- That's okay.
- But you can't go in there.
- Oh, I think I can.
Oh, wait!
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
- Deborah.
- Wow.
- I didn't see that coming.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
I'll give you two a minute.
That's usually all he needs.
[CHUCKLES]
- Ernesto, take five.
- Okay.
Big fan.
Victoria wanted me to
brush up on my tango
for our first dance at the wedding.
Well, where is she?
I think I've heard that
it takes two to tango.
[LAUGHS] She made it to the finals
of the Lyon backgammon tournament.
She's a competitive backgammon player.
She's not good. You pay to play.
It doesn't matter. What do you want?
Oh, I thought you might want this back.
I don't know what this is.
It's the master key
card to the Palmetto.
- What?
- Yeah, lets me in
to every room in the casino
and a couple of the safes.
Oh, my God! How do you have this?
Now I gotta report it
to the gaming commission
and fill out all the paperwork.
- Damn it.
- Well, I don't need it anymore
because I'm moving to LA
to host late night.
You got it?
Yes.
Oh, my God!
I am so happy for you.
I know how hard you worked for it.
Thank you.
And I appreciate you
telling me in person.
Well, no.
I just came to give you the key back.
Oh, okay.
Anyway, where'd you find this Ernesto?
He needs to unlock your hips.
Oh, really?
Why don't you show me?
- Okay.
- Okay.
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
She's got it.
Turn, bah, and step.
- Whew.
- Ah!
- [LAUGHS]
- That a girl.
♪
Oh, oh, next, I need to narrow down
- what pens we're gonna pack.
- Okay.
The Caran d'Ache Astrograph, obviously.
I will add that to the list.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, shit.
I gotta take this. Sorry.
- Yeah, sure.
- Just give me a second.
- Hi, Kathy. How are you?
- I'm good.
I'm really looking
forward to our weekend.
What time are you
getting in on Saturday?
Um, I was just about to call you.
Actually, um well, it's
not officially announced yet,
but I just got my own late night show.
Oh, wow! That's that's amazing.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
But it's gotten kind of crazy
around here, as you can imagine.
I know we were gonna spend
the whole weekend together,
but I really can only do Sunday now.
Oh. Uh, okay.
Um, yeah, I think I can
move some stuff around.
Great, great.
I look forward to it.
Me too.
Oh, and I thought maybe after lunch,
uh, we could go by and visit Mom and Dad
at the mausoleum on the way back.
Oh, sure. Yeah, let's let's do it.
See you soon.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
♪
Hey.
- I've been texting you.
- Sorry.
I'm trying to set up all
these kickoff meetings
for Deborah and the network.
Okay, well, isn't that my job, dillweed?
There's a lot of important things
we need to set in
motion, and I just think
this is too high stakes for you.
Ugh! Oh, my God!
I said I was sorry
about the double booking and the tweet.
It's like you make one mistake,
and you're crucified like Jesus
Christ on the freaking cross.
That was two mistakes in one week.
Also, that's my coffee.
It's nasty anyways.
It needs some sugar or something.
I was texting you because I actually
did something really good.
I got us a meeting with Bella Donaldson.
Wait. Who is that again?
You know, she was, like, a Disney kid.
But now, she's pivoting
into being an adult.
She's in the new Aronofsky movie,
which is getting a lot of award buzz.
- Oh, yeah.
- She fired her reps.
I went to Oakwood with
her. So I emailed her.
And she wants to meet up to talk about
potential representation!
Oh, wow. That's good.
It's not good. It's really good!
- [DEVICE BEEPING]
- Oh, it's 4-1-1-7,
and you're gonna want to
pull up hard on the handle.
Yeah, harder than you
think. Like, really yank it.
Yeah.
We really need to get
an office, I think.
- I know. Let's just pick one.
- Mm-hmm.
Tonight has been the honor of my life.
It's always been a dream of mine.
And I'm just so
oh, I'm such a big baby.
I'm just so proud to host this show.
And I'm even more proud to
share it with my family.
Hey.
You watching old game tape?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
"Biff Cliff"?
Was your show produced
by a cartoon duck?
You don't know who Biff Cliff is?
He's a legend.
He ran the network for 40 years.
- He greenlit "Who's Making Dinner?"
- Okay, love him.
Also killed my late night show.
Motherfucker. Where's he buried?
Take a shit on his fucking grave.
Oh, no, no, he's alive.
You know, men like him live
hundreds and hundreds of years.
So what did you want to talk about?
Well, uh,
I know your hiatus is ending soon
and you're going back to
your show in a few weeks,
but I was wondering
if you would consider
coming to my show as head writer.
Yeah, so you know how you
told me to keep writing
my own stuff while I was here?
- Yeah.
- Well, I did.
And I wanted to show you
what I've been working on.
Okay.
What is this?
Every time I started
working on my own idea,
I just got stuck.
But then I started writing stuff
for your late night show,
and I just couldn't stop.
You know, this would have
been a huge waste of your time
if I hadn't gotten it.
I knew you would.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
So, you in?
- Of course.
- [LAUGHS]
This is gonna be amazing.
[LAUGHS]
And these are Deborah's
recurring corporate gigs.
I've highlighted the ones
that are coming up
in the next 18 months.
It would be great if
we could book anything
that happens before production starts.
- Right.
- Oh, every three months,
we send a Harry & David
gourmet fruit basket
to Deborah's accountant,
alternating between citrus and pear,
so he's more inclined to take
Deborah's calls at all hours.
Uh-huh.
And in the unlikely event of a break-in,
there is a safe in the primary closet.
That's a dummy safe.
The jewels in there are
practically worthless.
Follow me.
The real safe is in
the floor of the pool.
Wait. You're leaving.
- No!
- Damien
- No, you can't leave!
- Shh.
I don't want to be the new Marcus.
I can't do it. I don't want it.
- Calm down.
- I don't want to know when
one fiscal quarter
ends and another begins.
I don't want Deborah to confide in me!
- Please!
- You're gonna be just fine.
- I promise.
- Does Deborah know?
- Not yet.
- She's gonna freak.
And guess who she's
gonna take it out on!
Me!
No!
[SOBBING]
Okay, okay.
I don't want to talk to vendors.
I don't even pay my own taxes.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
- Hello. Hi.
- You okay?
Oh, yeah, I'm a little
nervous, but who isn't?
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
- Over there.
- Oh.
[GASPS] Oh, my God!
Hello, my girly, girly, girl.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
Oh, my pepperoni stick.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Jimmy LuSaque, Jr.
- BOTH: Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
- We're right over here.
- Sorry I'm late.
I just had this general with Baz.
- Luhrmann?
- Yeah, that's the one.
- He's so cute.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
You know, ever since this
goat demon movie came out,
it's just been crazy.
All good, but crazy.
Congrats on that, by the way.
I loved it. I wasn't even scared.
It's not supposed to be scary.
And I wasn't, yeah.
It's so good. You were awesome in it.
You're great. You're great in it, yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Everyone sees me as a
Disney kid, obviously.
So this is a really huge
opportunity for me to rebrand.
And I love what you've
done with Deborah.
She's my queen.
And how fun would it be to
work together, pepperoni stick?
- So fun.
- Ah!
What is this "pepperoni stick" thing?
Oh, my God, you didn't tell him?
- No.
- You want to tell him?
- No.
- You want me to tell him?
- No, don't tell him.
- Oh, my God. okay, I will.
There was this sleepover
where Kayla was caught
watching "Zack & Cody"
with a pepperoni stick
in her sleeping bag I'll
let you fill in the rest.
I was eating it.
Also, whenever Kayla
would go to the bathroom
at a sleepover, we would all
run out of the house and hide.
And at my 12th birthday,
she literally just watched
"American Beauty" with my mom.
- Lisa has a great laugh.
- You're such a dork.
[CHUCKLING]
[BELL TOLLING]
[SIGHS]
- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
- [WHISPERING] Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, God, if they called back,
it must mean that it's important.
Okay, sorry, I'll be
right back. All right.
Rob, baby, how are you doing?
Yes, oh.
Yes, yes. Oh, God, I love saxophone.
Yes, but I I'm gonna
have to call you back.
Okay, bye.
Sorry. That was really urgent.
[CHUCKLES]
So where were we?
Oh, yeah.
I can't believe you took that.
It's a really busy time.
Oh, I've heard.
I'm making an effort.
I came all the way here.
Yeah, to roll calls at
our parents' grave site.
- Real nice.
- I apologized.
It's just so disrespectful.
Mom's probably doing flips in there.
Oh, please, she's not even in there.
What?
I I
I
I moved them to Vegas.
What?
It was '97, and a plot
opened up next to mine.
I I took it. I mean,
it was time-sensitive.
Those plots never open
up. It was a corner plot.
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
Why are you laughing? What's funny?
You are a monster.
I used my art shipper!
Oh, my God. [CHUCKLING] Oh, man.
Why have I spent my entire life
trying to make amends
with someone so awful?
I did one really bad thing,
but you have done hundreds,
and this may be the worst.
I'm sorry. I am. I'm
I I should have told you.
Told me? You shouldn't have done it.
But you know what? It doesn't matter.
It's it's a relief, actually. [SIGHS]
I can't keep going to the
hardware store for milk.
What?
- It's a therapy thing.
- Oh.
Listen, I know it was wrong,
but it was a long time ago.
And today's been so nice.
Has it?
You cut our weekend short,
spent the entire lunch talking
about who should be your bandleader.
You took a work call at what I thought
was our parents' grave site.
You of all people should know
how important this show is to me.
I do.
And, weirdly, I'm happy for you I am.
[SIGHS]
But it's not gonna make dealing
with you any easier, is it?
I don't
I don't think I want this in my life.
I can't do it.
[SIGHS]
Kathy.
[SNIFFLES]
Break a leg.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
Everybody says the food's bad,
but I love ceviche,
so I was a happy boy.
But enough about me.
- How was your hiatus?
- Really good.
Yeah, I actually did some freelance
work with Deborah Vance again.
- Oh, yeah, congrats to her. Good choice.
- Yeah, I agree.
Listen, I just want to
say, I love working here.
And I'm so grateful for the opportunity.
Oh.
But I just wanted to
give my notice in person.
I'm gonna stay on with Deborah
and be head writer on her new show.
Well, I hate to lose
you. You're an asset here.
You're the hardest-working
person in this office.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Well, how about this?
How about I make you head writer here?
Thomas is leaving.
He's got a book deal for his
memoir about his sex addiction.
I'm not supposed to mention
it, but there's an opening here.
That is so nice. I so appreciate that.
But I just think the work I
need to do is with Deborah.
All right.
Well, we're gonna miss you. Good luck.
And, hey, the universe
works in mysterious ways.
Maybe our paths will cross again.
Yeah, thanks.
And I knew about Thomas's sex addiction.
He always comes back
sweating from lunch.
It's like, we don't have a gym.
Yeah.
[SOFTLY] It's good he's going.
It's good he's going.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
So, as far as brand deals,
I've been leveraging
Maytag and Frigidaire
against each other.
- It's getting nasty.
- Really?
- That's interesting.
- Yeah.
Do you remember when I
convinced you to climb
into the dryer and my
cleaning lady turned it on?
Only a little 'cause of
that grade-two concussion.
Oh, my God, that's right.
Is that why you dress like that?
Yeah, my stuff's so ridiculous.
Hi. Excuse me. Hi.
Um, we are, like, huge fans.
Can we get a photo real quick?
I I'm sorry if I'm bothering
- Of course, yeah.
- No, no, no.
Thanks for saying hi. Yeah, I'll take
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, we have this hilarious dynamic.
I was always the funny one,
so everyone was always laughing at me.
Okay, 'cause it just seems
like she's being kind of mean.
No. No.
- We're, like, huge fans.
- It was nice to meet you.
Okay, bye. Tag me.
[SIGHS] Oh, my God.
[GASPS] That reminds me.
Pepperoni Stick used to go
on all our family vacations
so that she could take the pictures.
And we could do that
again! You know what I mean?
All my press tours and
stuff you could come with.
- So fun.
- Okay, you know what?
Um, Bella, you seem like a really
promising actress on the rise.
- Thank you.
- And I'm really excited to see
what Frigidaire and Maytag
have in store for you.
But, unfortunately, I just don't think
that we're the right fit for you.
So best of luck with your career.
We're gonna go.
Come on, Kayla.
Um, I don't know what that was.
I'll go check on him.
Sorry.
Okay, that was insane,
random, rude, and weird.
Hey, what the hell?
I did not like how that
girl was treating you, okay?
She's not your friend. She's your bully.
And we're not gonna work with
people that treat you like that.
Well, did you want to ask
me how I felt about it first?
Are you mad at me? I was defending you.
I worked really hard
to set that meeting up.
Okay, I'm sorry I don't
want to work with people
who are mean to you.
Also, it's not exactly your
job to recruit new talent.
Your job is to do assistant stuff,
- like not double-book meetings.
- I'm sorry I suck, okay?
I mean, when I was at
Latitude, I thought even though
everybody here thinks I'm a fuck-up
and I'm just there because of
my dad, at least you didn't.
So then I stayed.
And then when we left, I thought, oh,
wow, now we get to do
this, like, really cool,
awesome new thing
together, and now I realize
that you just think I'm a fuck-up too.
- That's not true.
- Yeah, it is.
You always roll your eyes at me,
and you tell me every time
I mess up your lunch order.
And what happened in
there just proves my point.
You don't care what I think.
And, yeah, I mess up a
lot, but I'm really trying.
Okay, I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.
Can we just can we
talk about this in the car?
No, I'm not coming.
I I need to just think about things.
What do you mean?
I don't know if this career is for me.
I need to just, like, get out of L.A.
and, you know, clear my head.
Kayla, come on.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[KNOCKING]
Hi. Is Biff home?
So congratulations are in order.
- Thank you.
- So how can I help you?
I was just in the neighborhood,
and, uh, my day suddenly opened up.
And I wanted to talk to
you about my new show.
Well, before I do all this again
I really need to know why it
didn't work the first time.
You know. The house fire, the bad press.
I know. I know.
I've just always thought that
if I'd been a little bit better,
a little bit funnier,
if I'd been undeniable
it could have happened.
This is the problem with you creatives.
You think it's all about
talent and hard work.
"The harder I work, the
more successful I'll be."
It's true. It is.
But it's also about luck.
And you can't control luck.
You guys want it so bad,
you trick yourself
into thinking you can.
Deborah, you were undeniable.
In the history of our network,
we never had a pilot
that tested that well.
It went through the roof.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
But it didn't matter because
it wasn't about good or funny.
We just couldn't handle
all that bad publicity.
But couldn't you? [CHUCKLES]
I mean, Jimmy Page dated a 14-year-old.
He sold out his tour the next year.
[CHUCKLES]
Deborah, there are a million factors
in getting a show on the
air or keeping it on the air.
With a woman, make it a million and one.
You're talented. Everybody knows that.
You work hard. Everybody knows that.
All you gotta do is pray
that something doesn't happen
that gives them an excuse to say no.
Other than that, good luck.
Thanks.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
So are you an actor?
Oh, no. [LAUGHS] No.
No, I'm just about to start a new job,
and there's gonna be an announcement.
So I just needed new headshots.
- Mm, that's very exciting.
- Yeah!
I'm not really supposed to,
like, say what it is, though.
Okay.
I'm gonna be the head writer
of Deborah Vance's new late-night show.
- Ah, cool.
- [LAUGHS]
Yeah, it's kind of,
like, my dream job, so
Okay, now that I know you're a writer,
- I think I should start over.
- Oh, okay.
You're probably gonna
wear glasses, right?
Uh, probably not, 'cause I
don't I don't wear glasses.
Oh.
But you'll hold a pencil?
Um
Did I get you?
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Can you hold? Hold one second.
Got ya, girl. Found one. [CHUCKLES]
Still good ♪
Still alive ♪
Still good ♪
Still alive ♪
I return to find a way ♪
[LINE RINGING]
- The voice mailbox of
- Kayla Schaef
- [TIRES SCREECHING, HONKING]
- Fuck off!
The light was yellow, you bitch!
Is full. [LINE BEEPING]
Hello, hello. There's our
new face of the network.
- Hi, Winnie.
- Jimmy, it was fun
smacking you around last night.
Oh, pickleball, not sex.
Come on up. Everyone's
excited about you.
Big risk, big reward.
Thank you.
Oh, well, you
you really pack them in here.
You have the full weight
of the network behind you.
- We wanted you to meet everyone.
- Great, great.
The last time I had this meeting,
it was just me and a
couple of guys day-drinking
- at Musso & Frank's.
- [LAUGHTER]
So we have Billy from
programming, Angela from PR,
Patrick from legal, Ron from clearances,
Tom Buckamayer, who
runs our digital team,
Priya on social, Nina
who's on queer social,
Dana on algorithms and
data, Paul from marketing,
and Regina from international marketing,
'cause you'll be in
Europe and most of Asia.
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah, lot of eyeballs.
And then we have our brand integration
and ad sales team in the back.
Wave, guys.
Guys, wave.
Sorry about that.
Let's get started.
Okay.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
♪
DV.
Doing some reno?
Yeah, I think I I have to.
So how'd it go today?
Good, um
but something did come up.
They want me to keep
Steve on as head writer.
- The hockey jersey guy?
- Yeah.
Are you serious?
Why why would they want
some crusty, old white dude
who's been there for, like, 20 years?
'Cause he's been there, like, 20 years.
They feel he can help
transition the show,
- and they trust him.
- Fuck.
I know. I know. I'm sorry.
I tried to push back, I really
did, but it was a mandate.
But you'll still be on the staff,
and I need you there.
[SIGHS]
Aw.
I'll take you shopping.
Or better yet, you can take me shopping.
[GASPS] We can go to that
size-inclusive thrift store
that's on the school bus
you were telling me about.
Thanks, but, um
I'm not I'm not really in the mood.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Good afternoon,
passengers. Welcome aboard.
- Oh, my God, Kayla.
- Jimmy?
Are you going to Mykonos?
No, I just needed to talk to you.
How did you know I was on this flight?
'Cause you bought a ticket
with the company card
- and I got an email alert.
- It autofills.
I don't know if that was me for sure.
You did do it, but because you won't
return my texts or
calls, I bought a ticket
just so I could say this to
you please, don't leave.
Stay here with me.
Oh, my God. This is so romantic.
Oh, no, no, no. This
is just a work thing.
- You don't need to film.
- Keep filming.
Listen, you were right.
I have been underestimating you.
You figured out how to get
Jack Danby out of the running.
You figured out how to get
face time with Winnie Landell.
Deborah wouldn't have gotten
late night without you.
Sir, you cannot be
standing in the aisle.
Okay, this will just take one sec.
[GASPS] He's proposing!
No, no, no, no, this is
just a platonic work thing.
Please take your seat.
We're about to push back.
Real quick we are a great team
because you think outside the box.
Yes, inside that box
are skills like calendar,
texting the right person back,
scheduling that you do not have
a handle on at all, but that's okay,
because sometimes the most
innovative visionaries struggle
with executive functioning.
You are not an assistant.
You are a manager and a great one.
So, please, stay here
with me and be my partner.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I thought you were a man.
- They're gay.
- What? I am a man.
- But you said "partner."
- Leave us alone!
If I stay with you,
there's some conditions
- I want you to meet.
- Okay.
- I want my own assistant.
- Absolutely.
- And my own office.
- Of course.
And I want to have a movie
night once a week with you.
Okay. I mean, no. Actually, no.
- Fine, twice a week.
- No movie night.
Okay, fine, but I get to show you
three funny videos in
the morning that I made.
Okay, yes. Okay, sure.
Okay, then, yes! I said yes!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, no, thank you, but this is just
- this was just a work thing.
- Kiss!
What is your deal?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Thanks.
♪
Gray Porsche, thanks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hi, Winnie.
Uh, Ava Daniels.
Lewis introduced us in Montreal.
- Right, his favorite writer.
- Yeah.
And, um, I've actually been
working with Deborah Vance.
Nice.
I'm sorry, I would
never normally do this,
but running into you feels
like a sign from the universe,
so I just have to say
I know you guys want Steve
to stay on as head writer,
and I know I don't have as
much experience as he does,
but I've been working with
Deborah one-on-one for years now.
And I feel like I know
what the show needs.
And I feel like I know what she needs.
And I just feel like I'm
the best person for the job.
Great. So pitch yourself to her.
What what do you mean?
Deborah can hire whomever she wants.
We told her she has full hiring power.
Have a good night.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
- You lied to me.
- What are you talking about?
They told you you could
hire whoever you want!
- No.
- Don't bother.
I saw Winnie. She told me.
[SIGHS]
Listen
I've been in this game a long time.
I know how it goes.
The network is taking a
massive risk having me host.
They need to feel
comfortable with the face
- they see across the table.
- That's not true.
They literally said it's your decision.
Oh, sure, they say that,
but when push comes to shove,
they don't want me taking
any risks trust me.
I don't trust you.
You're a fucking liar.
Okay, I am sorry about that.
I I did it because I didn't
think you would understand.
You'll still be on the show.
You'll just be the number two,
which, honestly, it's
a lot less pressure.
But you can still do all the work.
You can be the woman behind
the man behind the woman.
Oh, my God, this is such bullshit!
I'm the better person for the job.
If you hire him, you'll just
be making the same version
of the same show that's
existed for 50 years,
and it won't be special or unique.
It'll just be the same shit in a dress!
- No, it won't!
- Yes, it will, because I know you.
You're already making
decisions out of fear,
and you'll keep doing it.
And even if I wasn't the
best person for the job
and I am
you should give it to me
because of our relationship!
It's not about our relationship.
It's about making the show work.
Don't you get it?
It'll work better because
of our relationship.
What we make together
is good because of it.
And you know that, or else
you wouldn't have asked me
to come back here in the first place.
You said you needed me.
I do, but not to be my head writer.
Well, what about what I need?
What you need is to take the win
of being on the staff and be happy!
Happy with a demotion?
Lewis offered me the head writer job,
and I turned it down.
You specifically told
me to be ambitious,
except when it
inconveniences you, I guess.
God, you are so selfish.
Yes, I am.
You have to be selfish.
Well, I don't want to be.
I don't want to be a
shark or whatever the fuck.
- I wanted to do it with you.
- I want that too.
I just can't have you be head writer.
- But that's not fair.
- Oh, congratulations.
You're right. The business isn't fair.
I'm not asking
for the business or
the world to be fair.
[VOICE BREAKING] I am asking for you
to treat me fairly,
because you owe me that.
Stop crying.
This is just the way it is.
You get your foot in the door
so you can prove you can do it.
And then if you want
to make a change, fine.
I cannot give them any excuse.
This show has to be bulletproof.
It has to work.
I've lost way too much for it not to.
And you're okay with losing me too?
I'm willing to.
[SNIFFLES]
I uprooted my entire life for you.
I put you first
because I care about you,
and I can't believe you
won't do that for me.
You'll never do that for me.
You'll never do that for anyone.
[SNIFFLES]
You think you're only lonely
when you have to open
a bottle of champagne?
Bullshit, you're lonely
all the fucking time.
And you're gonna die that way too.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.
What is this building?
Well, I wanted your opinion,
because this might be my new office.
Huh?
- What do you think?
- It's fine.
Okay, well, I looked
for a really long time,
and I already had it
professionally saged, so
Oh, yeah, sure. I mean,
it's it's gorgeous.
Okay, great, I'm so
glad. Whew. [CHUCKLES]
[CLICKS TONGUE] How you doing?
- Shitty.
- Hmm.
What am I gonna do for work?
Are people still looking
for noisy concepts?
No, now everybody's looking for
"shows that already
exist with one tiny tweak"
or huge global hits.
Look, I can call Lewis and
see if he'll hire you back,
but just to say it,
I think you should stay with Deborah.
- Are you kidding?
- I know. I know.
But look, I just think
if you work for that show,
eventually you will get the
job I really believe that.
Who cares? She lied to me.
She did.
And I'm really sorry.
But as Deborah's manager,
I want that show to
be the best it can be.
And there is no version
of that without you there.
And as your manager and your friend
I just think you and Deborah are
too good together to give up on this.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, well, tell her that.
Yeah, I'm telling you
because I know you'll
do the right thing.
It is a really nice
office. You should be proud.
She wouldn't have gotten
the show without you.
Thanks, but you know
I didn't do it alone.
[LABI SIFFRE'S "CANNOCK CHASE"]
♪
Sitting in the back seat of my car ♪
With my arms around my guitar ♪
And the rain falls ♪
Hey, how's it going?
Can I get a pack of American
Spirit Yellows, please?
Nothing around, just
trees in the ground ♪
There's a bird in a
tree singing a song ♪
Just for me ♪
Can I also get that bottle of Krug?
Just for me ♪
Yeah, da-da-da ♪
Da-da-da, da-da-da ♪
Da-da ♪
Da-da-da ♪
Da-da-da, da-da-da ♪
Da-da ♪
Da-da-da ♪
♪
Good morning.
I I know I'm a little early,
- but I was just so excited.
- No problem.
I'll bring you into the conference room.
Rob and the producers will
be in in just a second.
Wonderful.
And one of your writers
is already in there.
- Right in here.
- Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]
I'm really, really happy to see you.
I realized I belong
here, no matter what.
Good, good.
I also realized that it
would be really, really bad
if people found out that you slept
with the chairman of this company
right before he gave you your own show.
[INHALES SHARPLY] Yeah.
The optics of that are pretty rough,
especially since the show
needs to be bulletproof,
like you said.
So
I think I am your head writer after all.
[PARCELS' "NEVERLOVED"]
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
♪
Wouldn't you?
Hey, there, Deborah.
Hi, Rob.
I think you know
my new head writer, Ava Daniels.
- Hey.
- Uh, yes.
- Hi, good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
♪
Um, I'm having Sue and
Mark join us from talent,
because we have got a lot to talk about.
♪
Shall we begin?
Let's.
Hiding from the sound ♪
I never loved her ♪
♪
I've never loved ♪
♪
I never loved her ♪
♪
Leaving this lie ♪
Leaving this dream ♪
I'm leaving tonight,
and I can't be seen ♪
I'm taking the moment ♪
Giving up my past ♪
I'm gonna reach up
for what's gonna last ♪
I never loved her ♪
All day, all night ♪
I've never loved ♪