Hetty Wainthropp Investigates (1996) s03e09 Episode Script
How Time Flies
[Tires screech.]
[Car horn honks.]
[Pounding on door.]
He's done a runner.
At least he can't have got far.
Back in the car.
Come on.
Hey, Sean.
What? Look at this.
Oh, our mum would have been mad for it, wouldn't she? Barry! Stop mucking about, you big jessie.
We're going to lose him.
Come on.
Come on! He's going home.
Frank is going home after the weekend.
You going home, Mr.
Wainthropp? Ah, well, if you're sure that you can do without me.
Of course we can, but we shall miss you.
Ah, well, the time has come, and there's things that need doing, my back guttering, for instance.
Yes.
Now you must see to that before winter sets in.
But first, I've got a little surprise lined up.
Oh? What you doing this afternoon? Nothing.
Good.
You're coming on a little outing with me.
Oh? No.
No.
As a thank you for having me.
Oh, Frank.
I'm not going to say where or how beyond saying, it's a trip down memory Lane.
Oh, memory Lane.
Is Geoffrey included? Well, he can be if he pays his way.
Yes.
Thanks, but I think that I'll probably be-- memory Lane, right.
Yes.
Yes.
[Ring ring.]
Wainthropp detective agency.
Robert.
What is it? Would you mind if Janet comes along, Mr.
Wainthropp? Only I promised her an outing this afternoon, as well.
We will pay our own way.
Oh, good.
We'll use your car.
Save us bus fares.
Hetty: What do you mean, not coming? Well, who decided that? Oh, well, I might have guessed.
No.
I'm all right.
Just give me a minute, will you? Phone me back.
No.
I'll phone you back later.
Yes.
I know about the time difference.
Yes.
Good-bye, love.
Good-bye.
Anything the matter? Derek is not coming back to england.
He has decided to do his course in New Zealand.
Gloria thinks the climate will be healthier for the children.
Do you want to sit down? No, thank you.
I'll just go and tidy myself up.
[Telephone ringing.]
Wainthropp detective agency.
Is that Mrs.
Wainthropp, Mrs.
Hetty Wainthropp? Now, do I sound like Hetty Wainthropp? I'm sorry? This is Hetty Wainthropp.
Can I help you? Ah, Mrs.
Wainthropp, I am deeply in trouble and in most urgent need of your services now, if you can manage it now.
Well, now isn't really the best time, Mr.
-- have you tried the police? Oh, no.
It's far too subtle and complex for the police.
It requires a fine judgment, and I could only think of you, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Are you still there? Yes.
I'm still here.
Where might I find you in the next hour or so? I'll come to you.
Oh, I should have to know a little more about your trouble before I could agree to break my arrangements.
Mrs.
Wainthropp, I'm being hounded.
Hounded? Just a minute.
Frank, I wouldn't dream of spoiling your treat, but this might be urgent.
I'm afraid I'll have to know where I'm going to be.
Oh.
Tell us, Mr.
Wainthropp.
Steam railway, rawtenstall, 3:00 departure.
Oh.
20 to 3:00 on the platform of rawtenstall steam railway.
I'm wearing a woolly hat.
It's faded green.
No.
No, no, no.
Blue, blue, and a sort of mustard jacket.
French or English? Please take me seriously, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
I'm in fear of my life.
[Steam whistle blowing.]
He should be here.
Now, who's a likely candidate? He could have been having us on.
He could have, from the sound of him, but something tells me, Geoffrey, that I might have to forgo this treat of ours.
Right.
This way for the booking office.
Coming, Frank.
What were you and Mrs.
Wainthropp on about, foregoing the treat? We're supposed to meet a client.
I'll tell you later.
Oh, what a beauty.
If Robert was here now, he'd be over the moon, and young Derek, he had a passion for engines.
Sherbet lemon, Mr.
Wainthropp? Mustard jacket.
[Tires screech.]
[Car horn honks.]
This way! This way, you blooming sod! Get on, quick.
Janet, come on.
Janet, the train.
It's going! Come on.
Come on.
Oh, what's the matter? Come on! The train! Pat me on the back.
Oh.
Spit it-- oh, my God.
Come on.
Well, stop the train, then.
Stop the train.
Janet! Oh! [Steam whistle blowing.]
Hetty: I'll make it up to Frank Though it could be a help to be without him.
Our client is on the train.
Did you find him? He went straight to the toilet.
Ohh He'll have to come out sometime.
Others will want to go.
Man: Tickets, please.
Oh, look inspector.
I'm sorry.
No tickets? Explain, will you Geoffrey? Our tickets are with two friends who unfortunately-- fare Dodgers, at last.
Forgive my enthusiasm, madam, but I've longed for this moment.
The fine is 30 shillings each.
30 shillings? Or shall I let you off with a caution? Now, find our client and fetch him here.
[Steam whistle blows.]
Frank: Yes.
Mabel and I have often stood here and contemplated this depiction.
Of course, you're looking at a real killer there.
Tell you what, Frank.
I'd kill for a cup of tea.
Oh.
[Moo.]
Yes.
I am.
Thank goodness.
Oh, I'm so sorry to have missed our appointment.
I've had a most difficult morning.
My name is Francis, montague Francis, but please call me monty.
Hey, bry.
Jan, what are you doing here? I'm with me Uncle Frank.
He's not really me Uncle.
He's me sugar daddy.
Ha ha! Just kidding.
This is me mate bryony.
We used to doze off together at the back of the class.
Hey, what's the matter? Have you been crying? No.
No it's nothing.
What can I get you? [Toilet flushing.]
I took early retirement from the bank to follow my lifelong passion, which I converted into a business.
Rather successful, though sometimes one falls foul of people.
Why are we stopping? Are we taking on passengers? I thought this train just went backwards and forwards.
Excuse me.
Monty.
[Whistle blows.]
[Steam whistle blowing.]
[Toilet flushing.]
[Ticking.]
No.
Please don't go.
It's ticking, monty.
I hope so.
Open it.
You open it.
It will be my pleasure To reveal something which pleads my case for me Better than recourse to my fumbling words.
Hey bry, what is this? Come on.
You can tell us.
Last night, me mum broke the news.
It's all over between her and me dad.
He's got someone else.
Your dad? He can't have.
He might have a wandering eye, but it didn't mean anything.
Oh, hey.
Are you addressing me, young man? I am.
Yes.
That lady that was sitting here, have you seen her? "The lady vanishes.
" Margaret lockwood.
No.
Hetty Wainthropp.
Was she? Oh.
Oh, well, maybe she's availing herself of our buffet service or the toilet facilities.
No.
That's where I was.
When the train stopped, I couldn't flush.
Well, quite right, you couldn't.
Look.
Did she get off? She may have been with someone, a man In a hurry? Oh, forget it.
Excuse me.
Hey, just a minute.
Just a minute.
That elephant, is it yours? Please don't leave it unattended.
Thank you.
Bryony: He loves my mum, and now that stupid tart has got her claws into him, silly sod that he is, he suddenly got all these hobbies-- fretwork classes, Spanish cookery.
Wednesdays, he's learning the saxophone.
He's out till all hours, and him a greengrocer with all those early starts.
I'd go and have a word with this woman.
I don't know who she is.
Mum just says he comes back knackered and smelling of gardenias.
Oh, dear oh, dear.
Right.
Well, I think we can help you with this.
Frank.
We are with a detective agency.
Frank.
Now, I'll just take down one or two details.
Your dad-- greengrocer, you say? What's his name? Bryony: Donald Matthews.
Well, you just leave everything to us.
Frank.
Clocks are my life, you see? All through my long years at the bank, I made a study of them-- how they worked, the history of them-- after my dear wife Melissa passed away to fill in the time, so to speak.
But this clock, monty.
Tell me about this clock.
This one? Mm.
We are vulnerable here.
They could spot us any minute.
We really must get back and lose ourselves in a crowd.
[Train whistle blowing.]
Oh, what time does this train start back? Two minutes.
Look, lad.
She probably had something on her mind and just stepped off back there to be on her own for a while.
Derek.
Derek? No.
She wouldn't do that.
Look.
We're detectives working on a case.
Well, now, that's funny.
I was a detective last week-- "an inspector calls" for the bay cup thespians.
Oh, it's a clever play because, you see, he never existed.
He was just a product of guilty minds.
Ha ha ha! So, monty, two men brought you a clock to mend and value 6 weeks ago, you say, which you thought was stolen.
Yes.
That story about their mother dying and leaving it to them, it was nonsense.
So why didn't you take it to the police? What could I prove? I had to check its provenance.
I'm almost certain it's a Johnson.
Harris Johnson, 18th century, famous for navigational clocks, but just once in a while, he turned out one of these.
I'm only agreeing to this if you let me take charge of it.
You in charge? She's my friend, and I don't want her messed about.
Messed about? [Whistle blows.]
[Steam whistle blowing.]
Mind if I join you? So who are you looking for? You've searched up and down.
I might help you.
Who the frig are you? The train detective.
Amazing what people leave lying around these days.
[Geese honking.]
My sister and I were out on a ramble.
Didn't like the look of the weather.
Aye, it'll bucket down tonight, right enough.
I could tell by them fellows behind me.
The geese tell you the weather? How? Well, it's the beak movement, you see, and their throats get tight.
Extraordinary.
Yes.
Oh, this year, I'm off to sunny Spain that's her.
That is the woman.
Now, what is her name? You can't just jump to conclusions.
Oh, yes I can, love.
I know women like that.
I mean, I've heard what women like that do to married men.
Just take my word for it.
Excuse me.
The lady behind the bar, what's her name? Man: Kirsty withers, why? Oh, nothing.
Nothing.
I think she's a friend of my late wife's cousin, that's all.
[Applause.]
Nice meeting you.
Hang on a minute.
Monty: I hope you didn't mind "sister," but I felt we needed some plausibility.
Yes.
We do, monty, and while we've stopped, what are the names of your pursuers? Names? Their names And a contact number for you to tell them when the clock is ready.
Oh, yes.
They left a card, but that will be somewhere at home.
Inspector: She probably had something on her mind and just stepped off back there to be on her own for a while.
Thank you very much, Mr.
cranham, and I hope your geese get home safe and dry.
You're welcome, love.
Which one? That's her, behind the bar.
Frank.
She's the one.
Don't do anything hasty.
Wouldn't dream of it.
Bryony? Mrs.
kirsty withers? That's me, love.
You leave my dad alone, you scheming cow.
He's a married man, and my mum is worth ten of you.
I beg your pardon? Bryony, for God's sake.
Keep out of this, dad.
It's between me and her, rotten little tart.
What did you call me? A rotten little tart, that's what you are.
Bring her out the back.
I want a word with her.
Janet: All right.
You've done it now, Frank.
I have? What have I done? Where have you been, Mrs.
Wainthropp? I've been waiting.
All explanations can save, Geoffrey.
This is Mr.
Francis, our client.
Monty.
How do you do? Hello.
Have you seen the red car in your travels? No, but I spoke to one of them.
He got on the train back from bury.
And? Well, he said he was looking for a thief.
The description fits our client.
I told him I was the train detective and I'd help him.
Train detective on this little chuffer, and he believed you? Yeah, and he gave me his business card.
"Flintoff's videos in ramsbottom.
" Well done, Geoffrey.
This will save us a trip to your house.
Until we're sure you're out of harm's way.
Oh, they'll be ablet about Janet to fend for themselves,nk? And we've got work to do.
Now then, you cheeky little madam-- you're wrecking our lives! Wrecking lives? The only thing being wrecked oh, don't try and deny it.
You've been seen together.
On.
Donald: Seen? Doing what? Are you out of your mind? Who's been spreading this muck? Kirsty: Yes.
Come on.
I want an answer to that fast.
Speak up, girl.
I can't divulge the source.
You've had us followed.
I don't believe it.
You vicious, little, dirty-- aah! Uh! Oh! Hey! Hey! What's your interest? Me? Yeah.
Nothing.
I was just passing.
All quiet on the Western front, then, is it? Right.
Good.
Cheerio.
Are you all right? Yeah.
It were worth it.
See you, dad.
What? You're going nowhere until you apologized right here and now and explained yourself.
Who put you up to this, eh? Was it you? Was it? She's a professional.
A professional? Who do you work for? I want the name of your firm now.
[Telephone rings.]
Wainthropp detective-- Janet.
Eh? Hetty: You can have Geoffrey's bed What happened? What? We'll find you a pair of my husband's pajamas.
What a service you provide, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
I'm most grateful.
And a pair of matching socks for the morning.
Oh, yes.
In my haste Frank, show monty where the bathroom is if you've finished with it.
Righto.
It's up here.
And first thing Monday morning, I'll pay a visit to that video shop.
No.
Janet, I'm coming over.
Janet all right? A bit of a problem with her Uncle Donald, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
There's nothing serious, but I said I'd pop over.
Geoffrey I'm sorry I gave you a fright.
I didn't think you'd been kidnapped.
I was just worried.
I know.
You've done some good work today.
I'm proud of you And I'm all right about Derek.
Great.
I'll see you in the morning, then.
Good night, Geoffrey.
How could you give him our name? He was going to have me arrested.
Well, I didn't have to tell you any of this.
Well, what were you doing in that pub, anyway? Oh, ask Frank.
Oh, I might have known.
Frank.
It wasn't all his fault.
I could have stopped him, but I was thinking of my future.
The garage has accepted the offer from the garden center.
You're joking.
There's enough bits of engines under that scrag of land to stop a cactus growing.
That's skully's problem.
He's selling up, and I'll negotiate me pay off.
I'll take us on holiday.
Fancy Peru? What? You can't Chuck your motors.
You're the best mechanic there is.
I know, but I want to spread me wings.
Don't you want us to be partners? Partners? Yeah.
No.
What do you mean, partners? Oh, you're useless.
Well, if you mean detective partners, that takes special skills like-- like what? Teach me.
Right.
Well, first off, the Wainthropp agency never does divorces.
Why not? She won't.
She never has.
That's final.
Well, who's talking about divorce? We could be saving a marriage.
Look.
I see a mate crying into her apron.
She loves her mum and dad.
What would you do? Hey, love, I'm talking.
She was a step away from phoning the samaritans.
Don't go yet, Manuelo.
I must.
I got some sorting to do at home.
Yes.
Your daughter.
Not just her, the wife and that Wainthropp agency.
I remember that stupid girl.
She went to school with bry.
At least they were barking up the wrong tree.
But they weren't so far off, were they? Don't worry about it.
Usual time Monday? Or is it you and kirsty withers? Don't be daft.
Have you seen her husband? He's darts champion.
He'd double top me if I messed with her.
I'll see you, sweetheart.
Adios, amigo.
Evening.
What do you two want? [Knocking on door.]
[Doorbell ringing.]
Wainthropp detective agency? Well, I--yes.
Who are you, the governor? You can't be a detective.
Well, no.
I'm more of a houseguest.
But who are you? You've got the old woman working for you.
Yeah.
Not, I think-- you're the scum of the earth, you people-- snooping, prying.
You've done me wrong, and I demand satisfaction.
I'm not standing for this.
Oh! Hetty: What's going on down here? You Hetty Wainthropp? I am.
Who are you? Donald Matthews.
I'm here because one of your employees last night made an offensive and diabolical blunder which has caused untold distress to several parties.
I have no employees.
I have my partner Mr.
Shawcross.
I think I can explain some of it.
Donald: You do that, young man.
Here's my card.
If I haven't received a full explanation and apology by last thing tomorrow, I'm putting the whole matter in the hands of my solicitors.
Good day.
Tea or coffee anyone? [Door closes.]
We'd like some tea, thank you, monty.
So Last night, Geoffrey, when you left here, you and Janet went out on the town somewhere.
No.
Well, that is, yes.
She was a bit upset about her Uncle Donald.
Donald? Uncle Donald? Matthews, by any chance? No.
I don't know.
I never met him.
Geoffrey: It was my fault, what happened, in a roundabout way.
Yes.
It was definitely my fault.
Is Geoff in, Mr.
Wainthropp? Well, I don't know.
You see, I've only just got up.
Geoffrey: It were like we were trying to save a marriage.
Hetty: Were you now? Yes.
Like, if it was just a midlife crisis and he realized his mistake, he might go back to his wife.
They love each other, and this girl was desperate.
She was only one step away from phoning the samaritans.
So what do you suggest, Mr.
Shawcross, to save the reputation of this agency? I--well, I-- Janet: Geoff is quite right in saying that this man is up to something, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
He's out every night-- fretwork classes, Spanish cookery.
He's learning trombone wednesdays.
No.
Sax.
Saxophone wednesdays.
He could be having his little fling at any of these places.
So, are you suggesting, Janet, that we enroll in these classes to spy on a man in order to blackmail him into silence? I'd rather throw in the towel.
No.
Janet didn't mean that, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Hold on.
No.
Look.
We got you into this.
Why don't you let us get you out? Monty: I put some eggs on the timer, 4 minutes Oh, my goodness.
And now, since you have other things to contend with, I shall slip away back home, where the heart is.
Tick-tock.
I can't desert them.
They all need winding.
No.
You can't go back, not on your own.
You're in danger.
Geoffrey'll go back with you.
Right.
Monty, keep an eye out.
Ha! [Door opens.]
I'm looking for something suitable to entertain my grandchildren.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
That one.
I love that one.
Oh.
Well, I'll take your word on it.
Thank you.
Don't tell me.
It's Sean, isn't it? No.
Barry.
Barry.
Of course you are.
Ha ha ha! I remember you and your brother when you were knee high.
I'm a very old friend of your mother's.
Is she well? No.
She's dead.
Oh, no.
Oh, I am sorry.
When? 3 months last Tuesday.
You know, she'd only got back from Spain on the Sunday.
Spain? Ah, the doctor told her not to travel, but she wouldn't listen.
I think she wanted to die out there among her own sort.
Well, it's understandable.
I wish I had known.
I'd have come for the funeral, or did you just want to keep it family? Family--just Sean and meself and a couple of neighbors, oh, and Connie, of course.
Connie? Connie, our sister.
Oh, little Connie.
Ha ha ha! Of course.
Does she still live hereabouts? No.
She lives in bay cup.
And she married that fellow, what's his name? Flintoff videos.
Oh, Mr.
Delaney.
It's Delaney.
Uh, she married nobody.
Oh.
Well, I never.
There you are, you see? What do I owe you? Two pound, 25.
I'll find it for you.
We'll have the money.
Yes.
We will.
Just give us two quid.
No, no, no.
Fair is fair.
I never shortchanged anybody.
Adams: Delaney? He's a nasty piece of work, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
And the flintoff boys? Just cogs in the wheel.
Could they be violent? What's their game? I need to know, chief inspector.
A client's safety depends on it.
Is it something to do with videos? What's this about, Mrs.
Wainthropp? I don't need to go into the details.
It's quite trivial, but I have just heard Delaney demanding money from the flintoffs with menaces, and I need to know why.
We think they collect videos from Holland for him, illegal stuff.
Maybe on this occasion, the foreign link broke down.
They returned empty-handed.
Delaney had paid them off up front and wanted his money back.
Now, that's my information.
What have you got for me? Oh, very well.
It's about a clock.
A clock? Hmm, who owns it.
I thought it was the flintoff boys.
Now there's a sister, which changes things.
Her name is Connie.
Did you know about her? Connie flintoff, sometimes known as conchita.
She's clear.
She runs a Spanish cookery class.
That's very interesting.
Now, for an authentic paella, you should have Risotto rice-- but you can use long-grain-- pieces of meat, right? Chicken is best, but if you must, you can use rabbit or, at a pinch, any leftover meats, and, of course, seafood, particularly prawns or calamari.
Yes.
I'm here, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Everything is ok.
Yes.
Well, let's hope it stays that way, and I've made some progress.
Put monty on, will you? Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Monty, listen carefully.
You must phone up the flintoffs now and arrange to hand over the clock at 10:00 tomorrow morning.
Oh, no.
You must.
If you don't, I'll turn you in for stealing.
You'd be safer inside.
Bye, love.
What? Oh, are you off Frank? Taxi is waiting.
I hope I've been of some use.
Oh, yes.
You have.
Don't go yet.
Monty? We'll do the train thing properly when Robert gets back Yes.
Just the 3 of us.
Yes.
We shall, and thank you very much for coming.
Monty.
Monty.
Very well, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Yes.
Of course, I'll do as you say.
Good-bye.
Why are you doing this to us? Donald.
Conchita? Conchita flintoff? Hetty: There are some things you have to let go in life, monty, though who am I to tell you that? Ha ha ha! All those years at the bank, people treated one with such respect Or terror, when in truth, underneath it all, I was a child, a child.
This sister, you say.
Geoffrey has gone to fetch her.
He'll bring her through here.
I hope they're on time.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Is it Spanish? It was my wife Melissa's folly.
[Clock chiming.]
Good heavens, they'll be here.
Sean: What's she doing here? This is family business.
Mrs.
Wainthropp is a private detective.
Here to see fair play.
Hetty: This is your clock, gentlemen? Sean: That's right.
It's our clock, isn't it? Conchita.
You're quite sure that you and your brother and nobody else own this valuable clock.
Barry: It's ours.
It was our mum's, and when she died, she left it to me and Sean.
Liars.
It's 1/3 mine, and you know it.
Connie.
That clock belonged to our late mother.
She did make a will, but, unfortunately, forgot to put the clock in it.
So it was up for grabs, and grabbed it, they did, my brothers, without consulting me Ease down.
And when they couldn't get it back, Saturday night, they had the nerve to burst into my flat and ask me for money, and now I know why.
Connie, baby-- don't "Connie, baby" me, Sean.
It's conchita.
It was only Mrs.
Wainthropp here told me what your game was.
Well, so what happens now? Do we chop it up in 3 pieces? Oh, no.
No.
What's it worth, monty? £6,000, and it's now in perfect working order.
Conchita: So two grand buys me out, boys.
Can't you manage it? Well, let's try it the other way.
I'll buy you out on condition that I never see your ugly faces again.
Two for you, Sean, and two for you, Barry.
Does that cover your debts? Mother will be so pleased.
We never were planning to Nick it.
I'm sure you weren't, Mr.
flintoff.
Sean.
Barry.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hasta luego, mis hermanos.
Hetty: Well, thank goodness that's over.
Conchita: Oh, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Mr.
Francis, I understand you have some affection for this object.
Can you raise the asking price? I? Oh, good heavens, I'm not sure.
Well, there's no hurry.
I'll just step out into your garden if you want to think about it.
Oh, yes.
Please do.
Do you want this clock, monty? Of course I do, but £6,000.
It might actually be worth a bit more.
Hetty: As much as your caravan? Conchita: My caravan.
My clock.
My mother said there was a caravan in the back of one of these gardens.
I didn't believe her, but this is it.
She grew up on one just like this in andalusia.
Half Spanish, yet born and brought up in lancashire.
Must have been interesting.
Conchita: Oh, it was.
Sean, Barry, and constance, but to mum, I was always conchita.
Conchita.
Is that where you get it from, miss flintoff, the music and the cooking.
My regards to Mr.
Matthews when you see him.
Mr.
Matthews? His daughter, my girlfriend's best mate at school.
We had a visit from him on Sunday morning.
There'd been a misunderstanding.
Oh? You can give him my assurance that I've made it quite plain to all my staff that this agency never deals with matters of that nature.
As a matter of fact, Mrs.
Wainthropp, the problem is gone.
As you've seen, I don't like family disputes, either.
Mr.
Matthews will not be attending my cookery class again.
Well, I better be on my way.
Good-bye.
There are other small boats in the bay in need of a paddle.
My dear lady, I shall put the word out to all owners of small bobbing craft recommending the Wainthropp lifeboat.
Hetty: What's going on? What are you doing? Open it.
Well, what is it? Open it.
It's a joke or something.
Oh, monty sent his socks back.
Ha ha ha! What's this? "Sydney, Australia"? Today.
What are you talking about? Here's your passport.
We've taken care of everything, and we packed a case for you.
Don't be silly.
Is this a-- I know it's a bit short notice, but monty knew someone on the airline.
And we didn't want to give you any time to object.
Now, we'll be ringing Mr.
Wainthropp to make sure he meets you all right.
But I can't.
Have you washed the dishes? But the agency.
What about here? Don't worry.
Me and Geoff will look after things.
We won't take on anything we can't handle, promise.
These tickets, did Robert phone? Is this a prank, or what? Oh, my goodness, me.
Oh, this'll be the death of me.
It's not an April fool? No, it's not April fool.
Ooh! Hello, love.
Surprise, surprise.
It's me.
I'm back home.
Hetty? Hetty?
[Car horn honks.]
[Pounding on door.]
He's done a runner.
At least he can't have got far.
Back in the car.
Come on.
Hey, Sean.
What? Look at this.
Oh, our mum would have been mad for it, wouldn't she? Barry! Stop mucking about, you big jessie.
We're going to lose him.
Come on.
Come on! He's going home.
Frank is going home after the weekend.
You going home, Mr.
Wainthropp? Ah, well, if you're sure that you can do without me.
Of course we can, but we shall miss you.
Ah, well, the time has come, and there's things that need doing, my back guttering, for instance.
Yes.
Now you must see to that before winter sets in.
But first, I've got a little surprise lined up.
Oh? What you doing this afternoon? Nothing.
Good.
You're coming on a little outing with me.
Oh? No.
No.
As a thank you for having me.
Oh, Frank.
I'm not going to say where or how beyond saying, it's a trip down memory Lane.
Oh, memory Lane.
Is Geoffrey included? Well, he can be if he pays his way.
Yes.
Thanks, but I think that I'll probably be-- memory Lane, right.
Yes.
Yes.
[Ring ring.]
Wainthropp detective agency.
Robert.
What is it? Would you mind if Janet comes along, Mr.
Wainthropp? Only I promised her an outing this afternoon, as well.
We will pay our own way.
Oh, good.
We'll use your car.
Save us bus fares.
Hetty: What do you mean, not coming? Well, who decided that? Oh, well, I might have guessed.
No.
I'm all right.
Just give me a minute, will you? Phone me back.
No.
I'll phone you back later.
Yes.
I know about the time difference.
Yes.
Good-bye, love.
Good-bye.
Anything the matter? Derek is not coming back to england.
He has decided to do his course in New Zealand.
Gloria thinks the climate will be healthier for the children.
Do you want to sit down? No, thank you.
I'll just go and tidy myself up.
[Telephone ringing.]
Wainthropp detective agency.
Is that Mrs.
Wainthropp, Mrs.
Hetty Wainthropp? Now, do I sound like Hetty Wainthropp? I'm sorry? This is Hetty Wainthropp.
Can I help you? Ah, Mrs.
Wainthropp, I am deeply in trouble and in most urgent need of your services now, if you can manage it now.
Well, now isn't really the best time, Mr.
-- have you tried the police? Oh, no.
It's far too subtle and complex for the police.
It requires a fine judgment, and I could only think of you, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Are you still there? Yes.
I'm still here.
Where might I find you in the next hour or so? I'll come to you.
Oh, I should have to know a little more about your trouble before I could agree to break my arrangements.
Mrs.
Wainthropp, I'm being hounded.
Hounded? Just a minute.
Frank, I wouldn't dream of spoiling your treat, but this might be urgent.
I'm afraid I'll have to know where I'm going to be.
Oh.
Tell us, Mr.
Wainthropp.
Steam railway, rawtenstall, 3:00 departure.
Oh.
20 to 3:00 on the platform of rawtenstall steam railway.
I'm wearing a woolly hat.
It's faded green.
No.
No, no, no.
Blue, blue, and a sort of mustard jacket.
French or English? Please take me seriously, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
I'm in fear of my life.
[Steam whistle blowing.]
He should be here.
Now, who's a likely candidate? He could have been having us on.
He could have, from the sound of him, but something tells me, Geoffrey, that I might have to forgo this treat of ours.
Right.
This way for the booking office.
Coming, Frank.
What were you and Mrs.
Wainthropp on about, foregoing the treat? We're supposed to meet a client.
I'll tell you later.
Oh, what a beauty.
If Robert was here now, he'd be over the moon, and young Derek, he had a passion for engines.
Sherbet lemon, Mr.
Wainthropp? Mustard jacket.
[Tires screech.]
[Car horn honks.]
This way! This way, you blooming sod! Get on, quick.
Janet, come on.
Janet, the train.
It's going! Come on.
Come on.
Oh, what's the matter? Come on! The train! Pat me on the back.
Oh.
Spit it-- oh, my God.
Come on.
Well, stop the train, then.
Stop the train.
Janet! Oh! [Steam whistle blowing.]
Hetty: I'll make it up to Frank Though it could be a help to be without him.
Our client is on the train.
Did you find him? He went straight to the toilet.
Ohh He'll have to come out sometime.
Others will want to go.
Man: Tickets, please.
Oh, look inspector.
I'm sorry.
No tickets? Explain, will you Geoffrey? Our tickets are with two friends who unfortunately-- fare Dodgers, at last.
Forgive my enthusiasm, madam, but I've longed for this moment.
The fine is 30 shillings each.
30 shillings? Or shall I let you off with a caution? Now, find our client and fetch him here.
[Steam whistle blows.]
Frank: Yes.
Mabel and I have often stood here and contemplated this depiction.
Of course, you're looking at a real killer there.
Tell you what, Frank.
I'd kill for a cup of tea.
Oh.
[Moo.]
Yes.
I am.
Thank goodness.
Oh, I'm so sorry to have missed our appointment.
I've had a most difficult morning.
My name is Francis, montague Francis, but please call me monty.
Hey, bry.
Jan, what are you doing here? I'm with me Uncle Frank.
He's not really me Uncle.
He's me sugar daddy.
Ha ha! Just kidding.
This is me mate bryony.
We used to doze off together at the back of the class.
Hey, what's the matter? Have you been crying? No.
No it's nothing.
What can I get you? [Toilet flushing.]
I took early retirement from the bank to follow my lifelong passion, which I converted into a business.
Rather successful, though sometimes one falls foul of people.
Why are we stopping? Are we taking on passengers? I thought this train just went backwards and forwards.
Excuse me.
Monty.
[Whistle blows.]
[Steam whistle blowing.]
[Toilet flushing.]
[Ticking.]
No.
Please don't go.
It's ticking, monty.
I hope so.
Open it.
You open it.
It will be my pleasure To reveal something which pleads my case for me Better than recourse to my fumbling words.
Hey bry, what is this? Come on.
You can tell us.
Last night, me mum broke the news.
It's all over between her and me dad.
He's got someone else.
Your dad? He can't have.
He might have a wandering eye, but it didn't mean anything.
Oh, hey.
Are you addressing me, young man? I am.
Yes.
That lady that was sitting here, have you seen her? "The lady vanishes.
" Margaret lockwood.
No.
Hetty Wainthropp.
Was she? Oh.
Oh, well, maybe she's availing herself of our buffet service or the toilet facilities.
No.
That's where I was.
When the train stopped, I couldn't flush.
Well, quite right, you couldn't.
Look.
Did she get off? She may have been with someone, a man In a hurry? Oh, forget it.
Excuse me.
Hey, just a minute.
Just a minute.
That elephant, is it yours? Please don't leave it unattended.
Thank you.
Bryony: He loves my mum, and now that stupid tart has got her claws into him, silly sod that he is, he suddenly got all these hobbies-- fretwork classes, Spanish cookery.
Wednesdays, he's learning the saxophone.
He's out till all hours, and him a greengrocer with all those early starts.
I'd go and have a word with this woman.
I don't know who she is.
Mum just says he comes back knackered and smelling of gardenias.
Oh, dear oh, dear.
Right.
Well, I think we can help you with this.
Frank.
We are with a detective agency.
Frank.
Now, I'll just take down one or two details.
Your dad-- greengrocer, you say? What's his name? Bryony: Donald Matthews.
Well, you just leave everything to us.
Frank.
Clocks are my life, you see? All through my long years at the bank, I made a study of them-- how they worked, the history of them-- after my dear wife Melissa passed away to fill in the time, so to speak.
But this clock, monty.
Tell me about this clock.
This one? Mm.
We are vulnerable here.
They could spot us any minute.
We really must get back and lose ourselves in a crowd.
[Train whistle blowing.]
Oh, what time does this train start back? Two minutes.
Look, lad.
She probably had something on her mind and just stepped off back there to be on her own for a while.
Derek.
Derek? No.
She wouldn't do that.
Look.
We're detectives working on a case.
Well, now, that's funny.
I was a detective last week-- "an inspector calls" for the bay cup thespians.
Oh, it's a clever play because, you see, he never existed.
He was just a product of guilty minds.
Ha ha ha! So, monty, two men brought you a clock to mend and value 6 weeks ago, you say, which you thought was stolen.
Yes.
That story about their mother dying and leaving it to them, it was nonsense.
So why didn't you take it to the police? What could I prove? I had to check its provenance.
I'm almost certain it's a Johnson.
Harris Johnson, 18th century, famous for navigational clocks, but just once in a while, he turned out one of these.
I'm only agreeing to this if you let me take charge of it.
You in charge? She's my friend, and I don't want her messed about.
Messed about? [Whistle blows.]
[Steam whistle blowing.]
Mind if I join you? So who are you looking for? You've searched up and down.
I might help you.
Who the frig are you? The train detective.
Amazing what people leave lying around these days.
[Geese honking.]
My sister and I were out on a ramble.
Didn't like the look of the weather.
Aye, it'll bucket down tonight, right enough.
I could tell by them fellows behind me.
The geese tell you the weather? How? Well, it's the beak movement, you see, and their throats get tight.
Extraordinary.
Yes.
Oh, this year, I'm off to sunny Spain that's her.
That is the woman.
Now, what is her name? You can't just jump to conclusions.
Oh, yes I can, love.
I know women like that.
I mean, I've heard what women like that do to married men.
Just take my word for it.
Excuse me.
The lady behind the bar, what's her name? Man: Kirsty withers, why? Oh, nothing.
Nothing.
I think she's a friend of my late wife's cousin, that's all.
[Applause.]
Nice meeting you.
Hang on a minute.
Monty: I hope you didn't mind "sister," but I felt we needed some plausibility.
Yes.
We do, monty, and while we've stopped, what are the names of your pursuers? Names? Their names And a contact number for you to tell them when the clock is ready.
Oh, yes.
They left a card, but that will be somewhere at home.
Inspector: She probably had something on her mind and just stepped off back there to be on her own for a while.
Thank you very much, Mr.
cranham, and I hope your geese get home safe and dry.
You're welcome, love.
Which one? That's her, behind the bar.
Frank.
She's the one.
Don't do anything hasty.
Wouldn't dream of it.
Bryony? Mrs.
kirsty withers? That's me, love.
You leave my dad alone, you scheming cow.
He's a married man, and my mum is worth ten of you.
I beg your pardon? Bryony, for God's sake.
Keep out of this, dad.
It's between me and her, rotten little tart.
What did you call me? A rotten little tart, that's what you are.
Bring her out the back.
I want a word with her.
Janet: All right.
You've done it now, Frank.
I have? What have I done? Where have you been, Mrs.
Wainthropp? I've been waiting.
All explanations can save, Geoffrey.
This is Mr.
Francis, our client.
Monty.
How do you do? Hello.
Have you seen the red car in your travels? No, but I spoke to one of them.
He got on the train back from bury.
And? Well, he said he was looking for a thief.
The description fits our client.
I told him I was the train detective and I'd help him.
Train detective on this little chuffer, and he believed you? Yeah, and he gave me his business card.
"Flintoff's videos in ramsbottom.
" Well done, Geoffrey.
This will save us a trip to your house.
Until we're sure you're out of harm's way.
Oh, they'll be ablet about Janet to fend for themselves,nk? And we've got work to do.
Now then, you cheeky little madam-- you're wrecking our lives! Wrecking lives? The only thing being wrecked oh, don't try and deny it.
You've been seen together.
On.
Donald: Seen? Doing what? Are you out of your mind? Who's been spreading this muck? Kirsty: Yes.
Come on.
I want an answer to that fast.
Speak up, girl.
I can't divulge the source.
You've had us followed.
I don't believe it.
You vicious, little, dirty-- aah! Uh! Oh! Hey! Hey! What's your interest? Me? Yeah.
Nothing.
I was just passing.
All quiet on the Western front, then, is it? Right.
Good.
Cheerio.
Are you all right? Yeah.
It were worth it.
See you, dad.
What? You're going nowhere until you apologized right here and now and explained yourself.
Who put you up to this, eh? Was it you? Was it? She's a professional.
A professional? Who do you work for? I want the name of your firm now.
[Telephone rings.]
Wainthropp detective-- Janet.
Eh? Hetty: You can have Geoffrey's bed What happened? What? We'll find you a pair of my husband's pajamas.
What a service you provide, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
I'm most grateful.
And a pair of matching socks for the morning.
Oh, yes.
In my haste Frank, show monty where the bathroom is if you've finished with it.
Righto.
It's up here.
And first thing Monday morning, I'll pay a visit to that video shop.
No.
Janet, I'm coming over.
Janet all right? A bit of a problem with her Uncle Donald, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
There's nothing serious, but I said I'd pop over.
Geoffrey I'm sorry I gave you a fright.
I didn't think you'd been kidnapped.
I was just worried.
I know.
You've done some good work today.
I'm proud of you And I'm all right about Derek.
Great.
I'll see you in the morning, then.
Good night, Geoffrey.
How could you give him our name? He was going to have me arrested.
Well, I didn't have to tell you any of this.
Well, what were you doing in that pub, anyway? Oh, ask Frank.
Oh, I might have known.
Frank.
It wasn't all his fault.
I could have stopped him, but I was thinking of my future.
The garage has accepted the offer from the garden center.
You're joking.
There's enough bits of engines under that scrag of land to stop a cactus growing.
That's skully's problem.
He's selling up, and I'll negotiate me pay off.
I'll take us on holiday.
Fancy Peru? What? You can't Chuck your motors.
You're the best mechanic there is.
I know, but I want to spread me wings.
Don't you want us to be partners? Partners? Yeah.
No.
What do you mean, partners? Oh, you're useless.
Well, if you mean detective partners, that takes special skills like-- like what? Teach me.
Right.
Well, first off, the Wainthropp agency never does divorces.
Why not? She won't.
She never has.
That's final.
Well, who's talking about divorce? We could be saving a marriage.
Look.
I see a mate crying into her apron.
She loves her mum and dad.
What would you do? Hey, love, I'm talking.
She was a step away from phoning the samaritans.
Don't go yet, Manuelo.
I must.
I got some sorting to do at home.
Yes.
Your daughter.
Not just her, the wife and that Wainthropp agency.
I remember that stupid girl.
She went to school with bry.
At least they were barking up the wrong tree.
But they weren't so far off, were they? Don't worry about it.
Usual time Monday? Or is it you and kirsty withers? Don't be daft.
Have you seen her husband? He's darts champion.
He'd double top me if I messed with her.
I'll see you, sweetheart.
Adios, amigo.
Evening.
What do you two want? [Knocking on door.]
[Doorbell ringing.]
Wainthropp detective agency? Well, I--yes.
Who are you, the governor? You can't be a detective.
Well, no.
I'm more of a houseguest.
But who are you? You've got the old woman working for you.
Yeah.
Not, I think-- you're the scum of the earth, you people-- snooping, prying.
You've done me wrong, and I demand satisfaction.
I'm not standing for this.
Oh! Hetty: What's going on down here? You Hetty Wainthropp? I am.
Who are you? Donald Matthews.
I'm here because one of your employees last night made an offensive and diabolical blunder which has caused untold distress to several parties.
I have no employees.
I have my partner Mr.
Shawcross.
I think I can explain some of it.
Donald: You do that, young man.
Here's my card.
If I haven't received a full explanation and apology by last thing tomorrow, I'm putting the whole matter in the hands of my solicitors.
Good day.
Tea or coffee anyone? [Door closes.]
We'd like some tea, thank you, monty.
So Last night, Geoffrey, when you left here, you and Janet went out on the town somewhere.
No.
Well, that is, yes.
She was a bit upset about her Uncle Donald.
Donald? Uncle Donald? Matthews, by any chance? No.
I don't know.
I never met him.
Geoffrey: It was my fault, what happened, in a roundabout way.
Yes.
It was definitely my fault.
Is Geoff in, Mr.
Wainthropp? Well, I don't know.
You see, I've only just got up.
Geoffrey: It were like we were trying to save a marriage.
Hetty: Were you now? Yes.
Like, if it was just a midlife crisis and he realized his mistake, he might go back to his wife.
They love each other, and this girl was desperate.
She was only one step away from phoning the samaritans.
So what do you suggest, Mr.
Shawcross, to save the reputation of this agency? I--well, I-- Janet: Geoff is quite right in saying that this man is up to something, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
He's out every night-- fretwork classes, Spanish cookery.
He's learning trombone wednesdays.
No.
Sax.
Saxophone wednesdays.
He could be having his little fling at any of these places.
So, are you suggesting, Janet, that we enroll in these classes to spy on a man in order to blackmail him into silence? I'd rather throw in the towel.
No.
Janet didn't mean that, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Hold on.
No.
Look.
We got you into this.
Why don't you let us get you out? Monty: I put some eggs on the timer, 4 minutes Oh, my goodness.
And now, since you have other things to contend with, I shall slip away back home, where the heart is.
Tick-tock.
I can't desert them.
They all need winding.
No.
You can't go back, not on your own.
You're in danger.
Geoffrey'll go back with you.
Right.
Monty, keep an eye out.
Ha! [Door opens.]
I'm looking for something suitable to entertain my grandchildren.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
That one.
I love that one.
Oh.
Well, I'll take your word on it.
Thank you.
Don't tell me.
It's Sean, isn't it? No.
Barry.
Barry.
Of course you are.
Ha ha ha! I remember you and your brother when you were knee high.
I'm a very old friend of your mother's.
Is she well? No.
She's dead.
Oh, no.
Oh, I am sorry.
When? 3 months last Tuesday.
You know, she'd only got back from Spain on the Sunday.
Spain? Ah, the doctor told her not to travel, but she wouldn't listen.
I think she wanted to die out there among her own sort.
Well, it's understandable.
I wish I had known.
I'd have come for the funeral, or did you just want to keep it family? Family--just Sean and meself and a couple of neighbors, oh, and Connie, of course.
Connie? Connie, our sister.
Oh, little Connie.
Ha ha ha! Of course.
Does she still live hereabouts? No.
She lives in bay cup.
And she married that fellow, what's his name? Flintoff videos.
Oh, Mr.
Delaney.
It's Delaney.
Uh, she married nobody.
Oh.
Well, I never.
There you are, you see? What do I owe you? Two pound, 25.
I'll find it for you.
We'll have the money.
Yes.
We will.
Just give us two quid.
No, no, no.
Fair is fair.
I never shortchanged anybody.
Adams: Delaney? He's a nasty piece of work, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
And the flintoff boys? Just cogs in the wheel.
Could they be violent? What's their game? I need to know, chief inspector.
A client's safety depends on it.
Is it something to do with videos? What's this about, Mrs.
Wainthropp? I don't need to go into the details.
It's quite trivial, but I have just heard Delaney demanding money from the flintoffs with menaces, and I need to know why.
We think they collect videos from Holland for him, illegal stuff.
Maybe on this occasion, the foreign link broke down.
They returned empty-handed.
Delaney had paid them off up front and wanted his money back.
Now, that's my information.
What have you got for me? Oh, very well.
It's about a clock.
A clock? Hmm, who owns it.
I thought it was the flintoff boys.
Now there's a sister, which changes things.
Her name is Connie.
Did you know about her? Connie flintoff, sometimes known as conchita.
She's clear.
She runs a Spanish cookery class.
That's very interesting.
Now, for an authentic paella, you should have Risotto rice-- but you can use long-grain-- pieces of meat, right? Chicken is best, but if you must, you can use rabbit or, at a pinch, any leftover meats, and, of course, seafood, particularly prawns or calamari.
Yes.
I'm here, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Everything is ok.
Yes.
Well, let's hope it stays that way, and I've made some progress.
Put monty on, will you? Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Monty, listen carefully.
You must phone up the flintoffs now and arrange to hand over the clock at 10:00 tomorrow morning.
Oh, no.
You must.
If you don't, I'll turn you in for stealing.
You'd be safer inside.
Bye, love.
What? Oh, are you off Frank? Taxi is waiting.
I hope I've been of some use.
Oh, yes.
You have.
Don't go yet.
Monty? We'll do the train thing properly when Robert gets back Yes.
Just the 3 of us.
Yes.
We shall, and thank you very much for coming.
Monty.
Monty.
Very well, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Yes.
Of course, I'll do as you say.
Good-bye.
Why are you doing this to us? Donald.
Conchita? Conchita flintoff? Hetty: There are some things you have to let go in life, monty, though who am I to tell you that? Ha ha ha! All those years at the bank, people treated one with such respect Or terror, when in truth, underneath it all, I was a child, a child.
This sister, you say.
Geoffrey has gone to fetch her.
He'll bring her through here.
I hope they're on time.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Is it Spanish? It was my wife Melissa's folly.
[Clock chiming.]
Good heavens, they'll be here.
Sean: What's she doing here? This is family business.
Mrs.
Wainthropp is a private detective.
Here to see fair play.
Hetty: This is your clock, gentlemen? Sean: That's right.
It's our clock, isn't it? Conchita.
You're quite sure that you and your brother and nobody else own this valuable clock.
Barry: It's ours.
It was our mum's, and when she died, she left it to me and Sean.
Liars.
It's 1/3 mine, and you know it.
Connie.
That clock belonged to our late mother.
She did make a will, but, unfortunately, forgot to put the clock in it.
So it was up for grabs, and grabbed it, they did, my brothers, without consulting me Ease down.
And when they couldn't get it back, Saturday night, they had the nerve to burst into my flat and ask me for money, and now I know why.
Connie, baby-- don't "Connie, baby" me, Sean.
It's conchita.
It was only Mrs.
Wainthropp here told me what your game was.
Well, so what happens now? Do we chop it up in 3 pieces? Oh, no.
No.
What's it worth, monty? £6,000, and it's now in perfect working order.
Conchita: So two grand buys me out, boys.
Can't you manage it? Well, let's try it the other way.
I'll buy you out on condition that I never see your ugly faces again.
Two for you, Sean, and two for you, Barry.
Does that cover your debts? Mother will be so pleased.
We never were planning to Nick it.
I'm sure you weren't, Mr.
flintoff.
Sean.
Barry.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hasta luego, mis hermanos.
Hetty: Well, thank goodness that's over.
Conchita: Oh, Mrs.
Wainthropp.
Mr.
Francis, I understand you have some affection for this object.
Can you raise the asking price? I? Oh, good heavens, I'm not sure.
Well, there's no hurry.
I'll just step out into your garden if you want to think about it.
Oh, yes.
Please do.
Do you want this clock, monty? Of course I do, but £6,000.
It might actually be worth a bit more.
Hetty: As much as your caravan? Conchita: My caravan.
My clock.
My mother said there was a caravan in the back of one of these gardens.
I didn't believe her, but this is it.
She grew up on one just like this in andalusia.
Half Spanish, yet born and brought up in lancashire.
Must have been interesting.
Conchita: Oh, it was.
Sean, Barry, and constance, but to mum, I was always conchita.
Conchita.
Is that where you get it from, miss flintoff, the music and the cooking.
My regards to Mr.
Matthews when you see him.
Mr.
Matthews? His daughter, my girlfriend's best mate at school.
We had a visit from him on Sunday morning.
There'd been a misunderstanding.
Oh? You can give him my assurance that I've made it quite plain to all my staff that this agency never deals with matters of that nature.
As a matter of fact, Mrs.
Wainthropp, the problem is gone.
As you've seen, I don't like family disputes, either.
Mr.
Matthews will not be attending my cookery class again.
Well, I better be on my way.
Good-bye.
There are other small boats in the bay in need of a paddle.
My dear lady, I shall put the word out to all owners of small bobbing craft recommending the Wainthropp lifeboat.
Hetty: What's going on? What are you doing? Open it.
Well, what is it? Open it.
It's a joke or something.
Oh, monty sent his socks back.
Ha ha ha! What's this? "Sydney, Australia"? Today.
What are you talking about? Here's your passport.
We've taken care of everything, and we packed a case for you.
Don't be silly.
Is this a-- I know it's a bit short notice, but monty knew someone on the airline.
And we didn't want to give you any time to object.
Now, we'll be ringing Mr.
Wainthropp to make sure he meets you all right.
But I can't.
Have you washed the dishes? But the agency.
What about here? Don't worry.
Me and Geoff will look after things.
We won't take on anything we can't handle, promise.
These tickets, did Robert phone? Is this a prank, or what? Oh, my goodness, me.
Oh, this'll be the death of me.
It's not an April fool? No, it's not April fool.
Ooh! Hello, love.
Surprise, surprise.
It's me.
I'm back home.
Hetty? Hetty?