I Love Lucy (1951) s03e09 Episode Script
Changing the Boys' Wardrobe
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Yes, Jerry.
Yes, I know.
I know it's awful tough to find publicity these days, but that's what I'm paying you for, remember? Now, listen to me.
I want a story about me in the papers next week or else.
Yes, I got an idea.
I got a wonderful idea.
How about "Ricky Ricardo Shoots Publicity Agent"? Okay.
Well, look, let's see that it gets in there, huh? Thanks.
Good-bye.
Ay, que barbaridad! No se lo que lo pasa a la gente.
Se le pago muchisimo dinero para publicidad y no le hace nada.
What's the matter, dear? Oh, that Jerry.
You know, when you pay somebody to do something, you expect them to do it.
I practically have to do the whole thing for him.
Now calm down.
You'll forget your troubles at the movies.
What are we going to see? Oh, that picture we've been trying to get to for weeks, with Marilyn Monroe.
Yeah, that might make me forget my troubles.
Yeah, well, the Mertzes will be here any minute.
Hurry up.
Hurry up and what? Get dressed.
I'm dressed.
Well, honey, I've been working around the house all day long.
You don't 'spect me to change just to go to a neighborhood movie.
Ricky Ricardo, do you mean you'd actually go to a movie in that awful shirt and those horrible, old pants? Marilyn won't mind.
Besides, this is my best pair of blue jins.
They may be your best blue "jins," but they're disgraceful.
And that shirt, it looks like it came out of the rag bag.
It did.
I had an awful time finding it.
Must have gotten there by mistake.
That was no mistake.
I'm not stepping out of this house with you in that outfit.
Aw, now, look, honey, if we were going to go dancing or something, I'd say you had a point, but who's going to see me? We're going to walk two blocks down to the theater, sit in a dark movie and walk back.
Suppose we have an accident.
Ay-yi-yi.
Suppose a car hits you, and you're knocked unconscious.
You stretched out in those horrible, old clothes.
How's that going to look on the front page? Oh, brother! Now, look, Lucy Are you going to change or are we staying home? Okay, I'll change.
Thank you.
Boy, the things I do for Marilyn Monroe.
What shall I wear? My tails or my tartan dinner jacket? Just a suit and a tie, and don't be so terribly amusing.
Now go on.
Yes, ma'am.
Hi.
Hi, girl.
Where's Fred? He's coming.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Ricky will take a few minutes.
He's changing his clothes.
Honestly, Ethel, you should see the beat-up old clothes he wanted to wear.
You couldn't imagine anybody would want to go out looking like that.
Oh, yes, I could.
I don't know how you got Ricky to change.
I couldn't do a thing with Raggedy Andy.
What's the matter with these clothes? They're comfortable.
Fred, if you wanted to be comfortable, I'm surprised you didn't go in your pajamas and bathrobe.
Ah.
Oh, no, you don't.
Fred, Ricky is wearing a suit, a shirt and a tie.
Now, how are you gonna feel? Comfortable.
It's no use, Lucy.
You're beating your head against a stone slob.
Yeah.
Ricky! RICKY: I'll be there in a minute.
Honestly, I don't know what's taking so long.
I guess he's having trouble getting those old jeans off without breaking them.
He's really attached to those pants, isn't he? Sometimes I think it's vice versa.
You know, he doesn't hang them up in a closet, he stands them up in the corner.
RICKY: Okay, I'm ready.
Come on, I'll get Mrs.
Trumbull.
Just a minute! Is he going to go that way? Now, Ricky, it doesn't matter what Fred does.
Come on.
Well Come on, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
That does it! LUCY: Now, Ricky! Nobody's going to call me Little Fraunterooey! Oh Oh, and wasn't that a wonderful dress she had on in the big number? Oh, yeah.
Gee, I hadn't been to movies for so long, I'd forgotten how fattening they are.
Yep, once you start on that popcorn, you're dead.
Too bad they don't make silent popcorn.
I never heard a word of dialogue.
Me neither.
Any sign of them yet? Yeah, here they come.
Are they still doing it? No.
They probably stopped the minute we got out of sight.
Imagine walking along and poking in trash cans and shouting, "Any old bones, bottles or rags!" I I could just kill those two sometimes.
Well, we started it, walking along ahead of them, pretending not to know them.
Well, they deserved it.
Ethel, we are going to have to do something about this.
Now, Lucy, you're not getting another idea, are you? Yes, I am.
How long do you think those two tramps will go on wearing those old clothes? Until they're condemned by the Board of Health.
Exactly.
Or until they're worn so thin that you can see through them and they get arrested.
No, we are going to have to save them from that terrible fate and do away with all their old clothes.
Oh, no, Lucy, they'd murder us.
It's the only way to keep from going through life with Rag Pickers, Incorporated.
Well, what do we have to do? (laughing hysterically) Oh, you should have seen the look on your face.
Well, I didn't expect it.
What's the matter? Did you get arrested for vagrancy? Almost.
What? Well, we were standing in the corner, just talking And I took my hat off to scratch my head And a woman dropped a dime in it.
Hi.
How you doing? Fine.
You got all of Fred's old clothes? Yep.
I took everything that wasn't fit to wear out of his closet, and you know what? What? The closet's empty.
(chuckles) Listen, Ricky hasn't thrown anything away since before he came to this country.
You wouldn't believe how old some of this stuff is.
No matter how old it is, Fred's is older.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
Universidad de la Habana.
Well? Ha! You win.
Well, I'll call the secondhand man, tell him to come and get this stuff.
Lucy, I'm worried.
So am I.
I'm worried he may refuse them.
No, I don't mean that.
Do you think we really ought to do this? Listen, Ricky's been promising me for ages he'd get rid of this stuff.
Well, so has Fred.
Well, we're just helping them keep their promise in a painless sort of way.
Do you think they'll believe our story? Certainly, it's the best story I ever made up.
Now, what could be more logical? We decided that if they wanted to wear their old clothes, we would clean them.
So, we soaked them in gasoline.
They just happened to get a little close to the stove and burned up.
They'd never suspect the truth.
Why not? They'd never think we had the nerve to sell their old clothes.
I hope you're right.
Here's one- Allen's Used Clothing Emporium.
All right, now I want to take this number with everything- the spotlight, I want to try the microphone, the whole works- just like it was tonight.
From the top, everybody.
(horn intro) (trumpet solo) Granada Tierra sonaba por mi Mi cantar se vuelve gitano cuando es para ti Mi cantar, hecho de fantasia Mi cantar, lo de la melancolia Que yo te vengo a dar.
Granada tierra ensangrentadas en tardes de toro Mujer que conserva el embrujo de los ojos moros De sueno rebelde y gitana cubierta de flores Y beso tu boca de grana Jugosa manzana que me habla de amor Granada manola cantada en coplas preciosas No tengo otra cosa que darte que un ramo de rosas De rosas de suave fragancia Que le dieran marco a la virgen morena Granada Tu tierra esta llena de lindas mujeres De sangre y de sol.
Olé! Okay, boys, we'll take the last few bars in a couple of minutes.
(phone rings) Just take a little rest.
Hello.
I'd like to speak to Mr.
Ricardo, please.
This is Mr.
Ricardo.
This is Zeb Allen, Allen's Used Clothes Emporium.
Who? What? I thought you might be interested to know that I just got in a hot shipment of old clothes.
Look, you must have the wrong Ricardo.
This is Ricky Ricardo.
I know it.
Well, what makes you think that I'd be interested in old clothes? Because they're yours.
What? They're mine?! Yes, sir.
I just came from your house.
Your wife was throwing old clothes out of the front door faster than I could pick them up.
Looked like an explosion at the laundry.
I don't believe it.
Well, I'll tell you what I've got here.
Here's one plaid flannel shirt- blue and gray, soft and comfortable-looking and not quite through at the elbows.
No.
Then there's a sweater here with a big "H" on the front of it and some foreign writing on the back.
Oh, no.
Now, uh, how would you like to get these clothes back? Oh, I-I sure would.
Now, listen, you'll make a profit on the deal, don't worry.
Don't you worry.
What? Well, buying men's old clothes from their wives is a tidy little business, but I make my real money selling them back to the husbands.
Ah, I see.
Well, okay, I'll come down.
Where are you? Third Avenue and 32nd Street.
Okay, I'll be right there.
Ricky Mi mujer me ha hecho lo peor que nunca me ha hecho a mi.
¿Que paso? Lucy me vendio toda mi ropa vieja.
Que barbaridad.
Mira, que tiene vender la ropa Hey, Rick, Ethel sold all my old clothes to a secondhand man.
Lucy tambien la vendio toda mi ropa mia a Allen's Used Clothing Emporium alli.
That's the place.
¿Tu sabes? Me vendio la camisa de flanela mia que estaba un poquito aqui por los codos pero estaba bueno todavia y el sueter mio que tenia la "H" de la Universidad de Habana me lo vendio.
She even sold the sweater I won in the Golden Gloves.
Ay-yi-yi.
¿Mira que son sin verguenza, eh? You can say that again.
Hmm! I'm going over there and get mine back.
Esperate que voy contigo.
Adios, Alberto.
Adios, Ricky.
Adios, Fred.
Come on, friend.
Hey, wait, Rick! What do you know about that? I've been talking Spanish.
Come on.
Let's get over there and get this stuff.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What? I got an idea.
I'll go get our clothes back.
You go to a good clothing store, you know, and get some, uh empty suit boxes.
What for? To put our old clothes in.
Our old clothes? Yeah.
I don't get it.
You will.
Here's what we do, look Honey, I'm home! Well, darling, how's my Cuban dynamo? Fine.
Oh, Brooks Brothers! Ricky, you bought some new clothes.
Yep, I bought them, all right.
Oh, well, that's just wonderful.
Sort of a coincidence, too.
Coincidence? Yes, uh, because I have some dreadful news to tell you about your old clothes.
Oh, really? What is that? Well, uh, today, I got feeling guilty about last night.
After all, if you want to wear comfortable, old clothes, I should let you, so long as they're clean.
Yes.
And Ethel felt the same way about Fred's, too, so we got out all your old clothes and started to clean them.
Oh, that was very nice.
Yes.
Uh, well, uh, you know how easily gasoline catches fire.
Oh, you didn't use gasoline? Yes, I did.
Yes, I did.
I goofed.
Uh somehow or other, they got too close to the stove, and the first thing I knew Poof! All your clothes burst into flame.
Oh, my goodness! And Fred's, too.
Fred's, too?! Uh-huh.
All that was left was just some little old ashes.
Just ashes.
Worn-out ashes.
I guess you're pretty upset, huh, honey? No, no.
You know, it's one of those things that can happen to anybody.
Aw, Ricky, you're so understanding.
It's so wonderful to be married to such a sweet, kind and understanding man.
(chuckling) Thank you.
Uh I'd like to show you what I bought now, okay? Okay.
Eww Well, what do you think? They sure did a good job of sewing those ashes back together.
Lucy, I bought these from a man.
A man named Allen.
Well, what luck, finding a set of clothes just like the ones that burned.
Yeah, how about that? Yeah, well, too bad we haven't got the other set.
We could sort of dress alike in father and mother bum suits.
(weak chuckle) I am not amused.
No, I didn't think you would be.
And furdermore "Furdermore," what? Furthermore, I don't want you to ever give away, sell or get rid of my old clothes without my permission.
Yes, sir.
Imagine selling this swell shirt.
Hi, Rick! Hiya, Fred! How do you like my shirt, huh? Oh, that's real snappy.
How do you like this sweater? Oh, that's dandy, boy, that's beautiful.
You won't believe it.
Only this morning this thing was in a terrible fire.
Is that so? FRED: Yeah.
RICKY: Oh, my! (Ricky and Fred laugh) What are you gonna do? (laughter continues) All right, in a couple of minutes, we'll take that big mambo number, huh? Well, Ricky, I got to be going.
Oh, stick around, Fred.
I've been here most of the afternoon.
Ethel says if I keep hanging around your rehearsal, you'll have to put me on the payroll.
Well, wait till we do the big mambo number.
You mean the one with the gals in it? Yeah.
Okay.
Only this time I'm only rehearsing the orchestra.
On second thought, I've got to get out of here.
JERRY: Hi, Ricky.
Oh, hi, Jerry.
Hi, Jerry.
I got great news.
Publicity, I hope.
Oh, yes, sir.
I have just arranged to have you named one of the ten best-dressed men in our country.
What? You're gonna get an award for being one of the ten best-dressed men in our nation.
One of the ten (cracking up) Oh, no! Wait, what's so funny? I thought you'd be pleased.
(laughing): One of the ten best-dressed I heard him.
All right, so it's not the Academy Award.
I don't think it's that funny.
I'm sorry, Jerry.
It's just that our wives have been riding us because they don't like the way we dress.
Oh, oh, that's it.
Well, now listen, here's what's gonna to happen.
Tonight just before the show, some big shots are gonna come down to present you with the award and take some pictures, okay? Wonderful.
Oh, Lucy will die when she finds out.
So will Ethel.
Oh, gee, Fred, I wish there was some way that I could get you on that list.
Hey, now, wait a minute, Ricky.
I know I'm a good publicity man, but I'm not that good.
Well! Hey, I know what.
I can tell them that Fred is my fashion consultant.
Him? Me? Yeah.
Why not? Well, I suppose it'd be all right.
Okay, I'll be back here at 7:00 tonight with the photographer.
Okay.
Bye.
Okay.
See you later, boys.
So long, Jerry.
(chuckles) Hey, let's call the girls and tell them, huh? Yeah.
Gosh, it'd be great if we could surprise them.
That's a wonderful idea! What is? You know, sometimes I think you're much brighter than you look.
What did I say? Come on, now, let me in on it.
We'll surprise the girls.
You mean wait and let them read it in the papers? No, no, no.
We'll ask them to come down here and have dinner with us tonight.
We won't tell them what for.
And then we'll just watch their faces as they see us accept the award.
Good.
That's the best idea I ever had.
Yeah.
We'll sit in our play pen for a while, that's what we'll do.
(phone rings) Sit down and play with that big bug.
Mama answers the telephone.
Sit down there and play with that.
Play with it.
Hello.
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, darling.
Listen, how would you and Ethel like to come down and have dinner with Fred and me tonight? Oh, gee, I have dinner on the stove.
Well, take it off.
We'll have it for breakfast.
Spaghetti? Oh well, it'll keep.
What's the occasion? Nothing.
We just, uh, we just thought it'd be nice.
Well, gee, I don't know if I can get Mrs.
Trumbull to take care of the baby.
Oh, sure, you can.
Well, come on.
What's it all about? Nothing, honey.
Lucy, can I have a cup of sugar? Wait a minute.
Ethel's here.
You want to go downtown and have dinner with the boys? Yes.
What boys? Fred and Ricky.
Oh yeah.
All right, dear.
Now, listen, you get all dolled up and be here at 7:00 tonight, okay? Fine.
I'll see you later.
All right, dear.
Bye.
Bye.
What's the occasion? I don't know.
He says it's nothing, but he wants us to get all dolled up, so it must be something special.
Let's don't take any chances.
I'll wear my blue crepe.
What are you gonna wear? Lucy? Hmm? What are you gonna wear? Ethel, how much courage have you got? None.
Come on, now, I've got an idea.
No, no, I'm a coward.
I can't even wear purple 'cause it clashes with the stripe down my back.
Now, Ethel, you haven't even heard the idea yet.
I don't want to hear it.
Let this be one idea that you keep a secret.
Just keep a Ethel, listen to me.
This is one time we can get even with these characters.
Now, sit down, girl.
Listen to me Does that do it, Bill? Well, I'd like one with the wives in it.
Well, they'll be here any minute.
Can you wait? Sure.
I'll get some more flashbulbs.
And I want to talk This is a wonderful thing.
ETHEL: Fred! LUCY: Ricky! Fred! Oh, here they come.
Will you excuse us, please? Come in, yes.
Pretend you don't know them.
Hi, fellas.
Where are we? Are we late? Who are these people? I don't know, sir, but I'll take care of them.
Now, now, look here, my good men, I don't know how you got in here, but you have to leave.
Leave? After we got all dressed up for dinner? Why, certainly, these are good movie clothes, they must be good dinner clothes.
Now, look, I'll give you a dime for a cup of coffee.
Now scram.
Come on.
Could you give me a dollar for a cup of coffee? I'm a big tipper.
(guffawing) Whoo-hoo.
Ho-ho.
Hee-hee.
Hoo-hoo.
Ha-ha.
Hoo-hoo.
Who are they? I never saw them before in my whole life.
Neither did I.
What do you mean you never saw us before? I'm Mrs.
Ricardo, and this is Mrs.
Mertz.
How do you do? Oh, well! How do you do? What's that camera for? Wait a minute.
You don't want to use that picture.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, yes, I do.
Gentlemen Jerry, do something.
JERRY: Yes, I-I've got to What happened? What's that camera for? Well, you really fixed yourself up good this time.
What do you mean? What happened? What's that camera for? You'll see it in the papers with a story.
What story? What happ What's that picture for? It'll be in all the morning papers, and the caption will probably read: "Fred Mertz, fashion consultant "and his client, Ricky Ricardo, "who has just been named "one of the ten best-dressed men in America and their wives.
" (screaming) (yelling) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS Television Network.
Yes, I know.
I know it's awful tough to find publicity these days, but that's what I'm paying you for, remember? Now, listen to me.
I want a story about me in the papers next week or else.
Yes, I got an idea.
I got a wonderful idea.
How about "Ricky Ricardo Shoots Publicity Agent"? Okay.
Well, look, let's see that it gets in there, huh? Thanks.
Good-bye.
Ay, que barbaridad! No se lo que lo pasa a la gente.
Se le pago muchisimo dinero para publicidad y no le hace nada.
What's the matter, dear? Oh, that Jerry.
You know, when you pay somebody to do something, you expect them to do it.
I practically have to do the whole thing for him.
Now calm down.
You'll forget your troubles at the movies.
What are we going to see? Oh, that picture we've been trying to get to for weeks, with Marilyn Monroe.
Yeah, that might make me forget my troubles.
Yeah, well, the Mertzes will be here any minute.
Hurry up.
Hurry up and what? Get dressed.
I'm dressed.
Well, honey, I've been working around the house all day long.
You don't 'spect me to change just to go to a neighborhood movie.
Ricky Ricardo, do you mean you'd actually go to a movie in that awful shirt and those horrible, old pants? Marilyn won't mind.
Besides, this is my best pair of blue jins.
They may be your best blue "jins," but they're disgraceful.
And that shirt, it looks like it came out of the rag bag.
It did.
I had an awful time finding it.
Must have gotten there by mistake.
That was no mistake.
I'm not stepping out of this house with you in that outfit.
Aw, now, look, honey, if we were going to go dancing or something, I'd say you had a point, but who's going to see me? We're going to walk two blocks down to the theater, sit in a dark movie and walk back.
Suppose we have an accident.
Ay-yi-yi.
Suppose a car hits you, and you're knocked unconscious.
You stretched out in those horrible, old clothes.
How's that going to look on the front page? Oh, brother! Now, look, Lucy Are you going to change or are we staying home? Okay, I'll change.
Thank you.
Boy, the things I do for Marilyn Monroe.
What shall I wear? My tails or my tartan dinner jacket? Just a suit and a tie, and don't be so terribly amusing.
Now go on.
Yes, ma'am.
Hi.
Hi, girl.
Where's Fred? He's coming.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Ricky will take a few minutes.
He's changing his clothes.
Honestly, Ethel, you should see the beat-up old clothes he wanted to wear.
You couldn't imagine anybody would want to go out looking like that.
Oh, yes, I could.
I don't know how you got Ricky to change.
I couldn't do a thing with Raggedy Andy.
What's the matter with these clothes? They're comfortable.
Fred, if you wanted to be comfortable, I'm surprised you didn't go in your pajamas and bathrobe.
Ah.
Oh, no, you don't.
Fred, Ricky is wearing a suit, a shirt and a tie.
Now, how are you gonna feel? Comfortable.
It's no use, Lucy.
You're beating your head against a stone slob.
Yeah.
Ricky! RICKY: I'll be there in a minute.
Honestly, I don't know what's taking so long.
I guess he's having trouble getting those old jeans off without breaking them.
He's really attached to those pants, isn't he? Sometimes I think it's vice versa.
You know, he doesn't hang them up in a closet, he stands them up in the corner.
RICKY: Okay, I'm ready.
Come on, I'll get Mrs.
Trumbull.
Just a minute! Is he going to go that way? Now, Ricky, it doesn't matter what Fred does.
Come on.
Well Come on, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
That does it! LUCY: Now, Ricky! Nobody's going to call me Little Fraunterooey! Oh Oh, and wasn't that a wonderful dress she had on in the big number? Oh, yeah.
Gee, I hadn't been to movies for so long, I'd forgotten how fattening they are.
Yep, once you start on that popcorn, you're dead.
Too bad they don't make silent popcorn.
I never heard a word of dialogue.
Me neither.
Any sign of them yet? Yeah, here they come.
Are they still doing it? No.
They probably stopped the minute we got out of sight.
Imagine walking along and poking in trash cans and shouting, "Any old bones, bottles or rags!" I I could just kill those two sometimes.
Well, we started it, walking along ahead of them, pretending not to know them.
Well, they deserved it.
Ethel, we are going to have to do something about this.
Now, Lucy, you're not getting another idea, are you? Yes, I am.
How long do you think those two tramps will go on wearing those old clothes? Until they're condemned by the Board of Health.
Exactly.
Or until they're worn so thin that you can see through them and they get arrested.
No, we are going to have to save them from that terrible fate and do away with all their old clothes.
Oh, no, Lucy, they'd murder us.
It's the only way to keep from going through life with Rag Pickers, Incorporated.
Well, what do we have to do? (laughing hysterically) Oh, you should have seen the look on your face.
Well, I didn't expect it.
What's the matter? Did you get arrested for vagrancy? Almost.
What? Well, we were standing in the corner, just talking And I took my hat off to scratch my head And a woman dropped a dime in it.
Hi.
How you doing? Fine.
You got all of Fred's old clothes? Yep.
I took everything that wasn't fit to wear out of his closet, and you know what? What? The closet's empty.
(chuckles) Listen, Ricky hasn't thrown anything away since before he came to this country.
You wouldn't believe how old some of this stuff is.
No matter how old it is, Fred's is older.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
Universidad de la Habana.
Well? Ha! You win.
Well, I'll call the secondhand man, tell him to come and get this stuff.
Lucy, I'm worried.
So am I.
I'm worried he may refuse them.
No, I don't mean that.
Do you think we really ought to do this? Listen, Ricky's been promising me for ages he'd get rid of this stuff.
Well, so has Fred.
Well, we're just helping them keep their promise in a painless sort of way.
Do you think they'll believe our story? Certainly, it's the best story I ever made up.
Now, what could be more logical? We decided that if they wanted to wear their old clothes, we would clean them.
So, we soaked them in gasoline.
They just happened to get a little close to the stove and burned up.
They'd never suspect the truth.
Why not? They'd never think we had the nerve to sell their old clothes.
I hope you're right.
Here's one- Allen's Used Clothing Emporium.
All right, now I want to take this number with everything- the spotlight, I want to try the microphone, the whole works- just like it was tonight.
From the top, everybody.
(horn intro) (trumpet solo) Granada Tierra sonaba por mi Mi cantar se vuelve gitano cuando es para ti Mi cantar, hecho de fantasia Mi cantar, lo de la melancolia Que yo te vengo a dar.
Granada tierra ensangrentadas en tardes de toro Mujer que conserva el embrujo de los ojos moros De sueno rebelde y gitana cubierta de flores Y beso tu boca de grana Jugosa manzana que me habla de amor Granada manola cantada en coplas preciosas No tengo otra cosa que darte que un ramo de rosas De rosas de suave fragancia Que le dieran marco a la virgen morena Granada Tu tierra esta llena de lindas mujeres De sangre y de sol.
Olé! Okay, boys, we'll take the last few bars in a couple of minutes.
(phone rings) Just take a little rest.
Hello.
I'd like to speak to Mr.
Ricardo, please.
This is Mr.
Ricardo.
This is Zeb Allen, Allen's Used Clothes Emporium.
Who? What? I thought you might be interested to know that I just got in a hot shipment of old clothes.
Look, you must have the wrong Ricardo.
This is Ricky Ricardo.
I know it.
Well, what makes you think that I'd be interested in old clothes? Because they're yours.
What? They're mine?! Yes, sir.
I just came from your house.
Your wife was throwing old clothes out of the front door faster than I could pick them up.
Looked like an explosion at the laundry.
I don't believe it.
Well, I'll tell you what I've got here.
Here's one plaid flannel shirt- blue and gray, soft and comfortable-looking and not quite through at the elbows.
No.
Then there's a sweater here with a big "H" on the front of it and some foreign writing on the back.
Oh, no.
Now, uh, how would you like to get these clothes back? Oh, I-I sure would.
Now, listen, you'll make a profit on the deal, don't worry.
Don't you worry.
What? Well, buying men's old clothes from their wives is a tidy little business, but I make my real money selling them back to the husbands.
Ah, I see.
Well, okay, I'll come down.
Where are you? Third Avenue and 32nd Street.
Okay, I'll be right there.
Ricky Mi mujer me ha hecho lo peor que nunca me ha hecho a mi.
¿Que paso? Lucy me vendio toda mi ropa vieja.
Que barbaridad.
Mira, que tiene vender la ropa Hey, Rick, Ethel sold all my old clothes to a secondhand man.
Lucy tambien la vendio toda mi ropa mia a Allen's Used Clothing Emporium alli.
That's the place.
¿Tu sabes? Me vendio la camisa de flanela mia que estaba un poquito aqui por los codos pero estaba bueno todavia y el sueter mio que tenia la "H" de la Universidad de Habana me lo vendio.
She even sold the sweater I won in the Golden Gloves.
Ay-yi-yi.
¿Mira que son sin verguenza, eh? You can say that again.
Hmm! I'm going over there and get mine back.
Esperate que voy contigo.
Adios, Alberto.
Adios, Ricky.
Adios, Fred.
Come on, friend.
Hey, wait, Rick! What do you know about that? I've been talking Spanish.
Come on.
Let's get over there and get this stuff.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What? I got an idea.
I'll go get our clothes back.
You go to a good clothing store, you know, and get some, uh empty suit boxes.
What for? To put our old clothes in.
Our old clothes? Yeah.
I don't get it.
You will.
Here's what we do, look Honey, I'm home! Well, darling, how's my Cuban dynamo? Fine.
Oh, Brooks Brothers! Ricky, you bought some new clothes.
Yep, I bought them, all right.
Oh, well, that's just wonderful.
Sort of a coincidence, too.
Coincidence? Yes, uh, because I have some dreadful news to tell you about your old clothes.
Oh, really? What is that? Well, uh, today, I got feeling guilty about last night.
After all, if you want to wear comfortable, old clothes, I should let you, so long as they're clean.
Yes.
And Ethel felt the same way about Fred's, too, so we got out all your old clothes and started to clean them.
Oh, that was very nice.
Yes.
Uh, well, uh, you know how easily gasoline catches fire.
Oh, you didn't use gasoline? Yes, I did.
Yes, I did.
I goofed.
Uh somehow or other, they got too close to the stove, and the first thing I knew Poof! All your clothes burst into flame.
Oh, my goodness! And Fred's, too.
Fred's, too?! Uh-huh.
All that was left was just some little old ashes.
Just ashes.
Worn-out ashes.
I guess you're pretty upset, huh, honey? No, no.
You know, it's one of those things that can happen to anybody.
Aw, Ricky, you're so understanding.
It's so wonderful to be married to such a sweet, kind and understanding man.
(chuckling) Thank you.
Uh I'd like to show you what I bought now, okay? Okay.
Eww Well, what do you think? They sure did a good job of sewing those ashes back together.
Lucy, I bought these from a man.
A man named Allen.
Well, what luck, finding a set of clothes just like the ones that burned.
Yeah, how about that? Yeah, well, too bad we haven't got the other set.
We could sort of dress alike in father and mother bum suits.
(weak chuckle) I am not amused.
No, I didn't think you would be.
And furdermore "Furdermore," what? Furthermore, I don't want you to ever give away, sell or get rid of my old clothes without my permission.
Yes, sir.
Imagine selling this swell shirt.
Hi, Rick! Hiya, Fred! How do you like my shirt, huh? Oh, that's real snappy.
How do you like this sweater? Oh, that's dandy, boy, that's beautiful.
You won't believe it.
Only this morning this thing was in a terrible fire.
Is that so? FRED: Yeah.
RICKY: Oh, my! (Ricky and Fred laugh) What are you gonna do? (laughter continues) All right, in a couple of minutes, we'll take that big mambo number, huh? Well, Ricky, I got to be going.
Oh, stick around, Fred.
I've been here most of the afternoon.
Ethel says if I keep hanging around your rehearsal, you'll have to put me on the payroll.
Well, wait till we do the big mambo number.
You mean the one with the gals in it? Yeah.
Okay.
Only this time I'm only rehearsing the orchestra.
On second thought, I've got to get out of here.
JERRY: Hi, Ricky.
Oh, hi, Jerry.
Hi, Jerry.
I got great news.
Publicity, I hope.
Oh, yes, sir.
I have just arranged to have you named one of the ten best-dressed men in our country.
What? You're gonna get an award for being one of the ten best-dressed men in our nation.
One of the ten (cracking up) Oh, no! Wait, what's so funny? I thought you'd be pleased.
(laughing): One of the ten best-dressed I heard him.
All right, so it's not the Academy Award.
I don't think it's that funny.
I'm sorry, Jerry.
It's just that our wives have been riding us because they don't like the way we dress.
Oh, oh, that's it.
Well, now listen, here's what's gonna to happen.
Tonight just before the show, some big shots are gonna come down to present you with the award and take some pictures, okay? Wonderful.
Oh, Lucy will die when she finds out.
So will Ethel.
Oh, gee, Fred, I wish there was some way that I could get you on that list.
Hey, now, wait a minute, Ricky.
I know I'm a good publicity man, but I'm not that good.
Well! Hey, I know what.
I can tell them that Fred is my fashion consultant.
Him? Me? Yeah.
Why not? Well, I suppose it'd be all right.
Okay, I'll be back here at 7:00 tonight with the photographer.
Okay.
Bye.
Okay.
See you later, boys.
So long, Jerry.
(chuckles) Hey, let's call the girls and tell them, huh? Yeah.
Gosh, it'd be great if we could surprise them.
That's a wonderful idea! What is? You know, sometimes I think you're much brighter than you look.
What did I say? Come on, now, let me in on it.
We'll surprise the girls.
You mean wait and let them read it in the papers? No, no, no.
We'll ask them to come down here and have dinner with us tonight.
We won't tell them what for.
And then we'll just watch their faces as they see us accept the award.
Good.
That's the best idea I ever had.
Yeah.
We'll sit in our play pen for a while, that's what we'll do.
(phone rings) Sit down and play with that big bug.
Mama answers the telephone.
Sit down there and play with that.
Play with it.
Hello.
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, darling.
Listen, how would you and Ethel like to come down and have dinner with Fred and me tonight? Oh, gee, I have dinner on the stove.
Well, take it off.
We'll have it for breakfast.
Spaghetti? Oh well, it'll keep.
What's the occasion? Nothing.
We just, uh, we just thought it'd be nice.
Well, gee, I don't know if I can get Mrs.
Trumbull to take care of the baby.
Oh, sure, you can.
Well, come on.
What's it all about? Nothing, honey.
Lucy, can I have a cup of sugar? Wait a minute.
Ethel's here.
You want to go downtown and have dinner with the boys? Yes.
What boys? Fred and Ricky.
Oh yeah.
All right, dear.
Now, listen, you get all dolled up and be here at 7:00 tonight, okay? Fine.
I'll see you later.
All right, dear.
Bye.
Bye.
What's the occasion? I don't know.
He says it's nothing, but he wants us to get all dolled up, so it must be something special.
Let's don't take any chances.
I'll wear my blue crepe.
What are you gonna wear? Lucy? Hmm? What are you gonna wear? Ethel, how much courage have you got? None.
Come on, now, I've got an idea.
No, no, I'm a coward.
I can't even wear purple 'cause it clashes with the stripe down my back.
Now, Ethel, you haven't even heard the idea yet.
I don't want to hear it.
Let this be one idea that you keep a secret.
Just keep a Ethel, listen to me.
This is one time we can get even with these characters.
Now, sit down, girl.
Listen to me Does that do it, Bill? Well, I'd like one with the wives in it.
Well, they'll be here any minute.
Can you wait? Sure.
I'll get some more flashbulbs.
And I want to talk This is a wonderful thing.
ETHEL: Fred! LUCY: Ricky! Fred! Oh, here they come.
Will you excuse us, please? Come in, yes.
Pretend you don't know them.
Hi, fellas.
Where are we? Are we late? Who are these people? I don't know, sir, but I'll take care of them.
Now, now, look here, my good men, I don't know how you got in here, but you have to leave.
Leave? After we got all dressed up for dinner? Why, certainly, these are good movie clothes, they must be good dinner clothes.
Now, look, I'll give you a dime for a cup of coffee.
Now scram.
Come on.
Could you give me a dollar for a cup of coffee? I'm a big tipper.
(guffawing) Whoo-hoo.
Ho-ho.
Hee-hee.
Hoo-hoo.
Ha-ha.
Hoo-hoo.
Who are they? I never saw them before in my whole life.
Neither did I.
What do you mean you never saw us before? I'm Mrs.
Ricardo, and this is Mrs.
Mertz.
How do you do? Oh, well! How do you do? What's that camera for? Wait a minute.
You don't want to use that picture.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, yes, I do.
Gentlemen Jerry, do something.
JERRY: Yes, I-I've got to What happened? What's that camera for? Well, you really fixed yourself up good this time.
What do you mean? What happened? What's that camera for? You'll see it in the papers with a story.
What story? What happ What's that picture for? It'll be in all the morning papers, and the caption will probably read: "Fred Mertz, fashion consultant "and his client, Ricky Ricardo, "who has just been named "one of the ten best-dressed men in America and their wives.
" (screaming) (yelling) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS Television Network.