iCarly s03e09 Episode Script

And when the rinse cycle began, the washing machine started to wobble and make strange rumbling noises.
Okay.
This ghost story is going nowhere.
You're not scary.
Just wait.
Then, finally, I called customer service and they told me my washing machine was out of warranty.
Anything else? Can I come wash some clothes at your house? No.
Oh.
Get out of here, you bra.
Hey.
You bad guy, you.
Very funny.
Please.
Okay, a lot of you guys have e-mailed and texted us, asking if we'd-- what? I thought I heard Spencer coming.
He's night fishing with Socko.
Okay.
Sorry.
Sam and Spencer are involved in a little game this week.
It's called assassin and it's not a game.
They use blow-tubes with little paint balls and try to get each other.
It's serious chiz.
Carly lost on the first day.
Spencer whacked me while I was eating toast.
And I got Freddie while he was doin' a camera test.
Show 'em, Fredbag.
Tilt it down? Yeah.
Wait, not that much.
Back up.
Okay.
Like this? Yeah.
No, Sam.
Not now.
Wait.
I blow, I score.
Ninja.
So the only two people left in the game now are Sam and my brother, Spencer.
Not for long.
Spencer gonna git got.
I apologize for her grammar.
I'm not educated, but I'm a lot of fun.
It's true.
Now, to close the show No, Sam, don't-- and we're not clear.
In five, four, three, two I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and a time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best I thought you were gonna be Sam.
Give me it.
No.
I need it.
Give me it.
Now, how am I gonna defend myself when Sam-- Stop it.
Stop it.
Give me your blow-tube.
But all I wanna-- hep.
Please-- ah Ba Ba Ba.
Ah Ba Ba Ba Ba.
You stand up.
Now, I'm putting your guys' little assassin game on hold till we finish shooting this dare for iCarly.
Are we clear? Just give us back-- why can't we just-- are we clear? Okay.
Yes'm.
So what dare? An iCarly fan dared Carly to wear a bunny suit and offer to brush people's teeth for a dollar.
Man.
Your web show's weird.
Who's not ready? Let's do it.
We'll be back in two hours.
Okay.
Be careful agua.
Maybe.
We will.
Where'd you get a little one? A good assassin always has a backup.
Up against the wall.
Feet apart.
Yeah, feet apart.
Really? Really? Let's go.
She's a clever one.
Okay, my pizza, the time has come.
Oh, yes.
Who's a pretty pie? Spencer.
Hey.
No, Carly said the game is on hold until-- Freddie's hurt.
Yeah, right.
I'm not fallin' for-- I'm not kidding.
Freddie's hurt.
Wait, what happened? Carly was crossing the street and a big taco truck came around the corner and Carly didn't see the truck and so Freddie ran out and pushed Carly out of the way-- is Carly okay? Yes, she's fine but Freddie got hit.
Okay, okay.
Did you call 911? Yeah.
Me and Carly both did.
Oh, man.
I better call Mrs.
Benson at work.
You bought a taco? Uh-huh.
From the truck that hit Freddie? Well, me starving is not gonna help him.
Oh, who is that? Ulch, what do you two want? Can we please see Freddie? No.
Yes.
Mom, let 'em in.
Fine.
Leave your shoes in the hall.
Please be nice.
Of course.
Why wouldn't I be nice to the girl who tried to kill my son? Hello.
Hi, Mrs.
Benson.
How is he? Broken.
Damaged.
But I see you look fine, isn't that nice? Mom.
And I see you brought flowers, which will only exacerbate Freddie's allergies.
Mom, I'm not allergic to flowers.
And you weren't allergic to Mexican food trucks, but look at you now.
I'll take these flowers and I'll soak them in bleach.
She's pretty upset.
No.
Really? How you doin'? Okay.
Pretty sore.
Sore? You have a broken leg and your hand is all smushed, and it's all my fault.
It's not your fault.
Yeah, it is.
If I'd seen that stupid truck coming, you never would've had to-- stop.
Hey, look.
His toes stick out of his cast.
this little piggy went to market and this little piggy got hit by a truck.
Spencer.
So, are you in much pain? I was, but the doctor sent over some pills.
You took one? Well, sort of.
My mom thinks I'll choke on pills so she pounds 'em with a mallet and puts the pill powder in my fruit sauce.
Fruit sauce? My mom thinks I'll choke on fruit so she pounds it with a mallet-- it's not my business.
Can I use your bathroom? Sure, right through there.
Thanks.
You saved my life.
Come on.
Sam said that truck would have run right over me.
Maybe.
Hey, you guys in here? Yeah, we're in Freddie's room.
Did I hear Sam? Yeah, she's-- duck.
I'm sorry.
What happened to the flowers? I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet.
Hey, Sam.
Ah! Don't.
I'm just a Gibby.
Sorry.
I'm on the lookout for Spencer.
We're the only two left in the game.
But you're at school.
So? Spencer will try to sneak up on me anywhere, anytime.
Even here.
Watch my back while I get something out of my locker.
And what if I see Spencer? Use your face and body to protect me.
Ah, like a human shield.
I was gonna say bullet-monkey, but whatever tickles your peach.
There's Spencer with a fake beard.
Oi.
Rabbi Goldman.
That was a real rabbi.
I didn't know.
I don't have cable.
Puckett, you just earned yourself triple detention.
Come along, rabbi.
How my hair look, Sam? You look good, Gib.
Where is he? In the shower.
His first cleansing since the accident you caused.
Mrs.
Benson-- I have to go to the pharmacy and get his meds.
Freddie, I'll be back in 36 minutes.
It should have been you.
Oh.
Freddie? Mom? No, it's Carly.
Your mom left.
What happened? I fell.
Are you okay? Yeah.
But I don't think I can get up.
All right, I'll come help you.
No.
Don't come in here.
Why not? 'Cause I'm in the shower.
Well, you can't just lay on the shower floor for 36 minutes.
Just a sec.
Aww.
Hang on.
All right, Freddie.
I can't see anything.
I'm coming in.
Where are you? Down here.
Can you turn off the water? Yeah.
Here.
Ow.
Easy.
Just move slow.
All right.
Wait.
Let me get my robe.
Okay.
Put your arm through here.
Okay, okay.
Are we walking the right way? Yeah, just keep going.
Ah! It hurts? Well, it doesn't feel good.
Where's your bed? Yeah, just right-- just right here.
I'll sit first.
Get under the covers.
Yeah.
I'm doin' it.
You got it? Yeah.
Whew.
Okay, you can take off the goggles.
That was scary.
And wet.
Yeah.
Thanks for helping me.
If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't need my help.
Will you stop with that? You know, everyone at school is saying you're a hero.
I don't feel like a hero.
Well, you are one To me.
Freddie, I got you some-- What the yuck? Nothing.
Mom I wasn't-- no, I'm just-- nothing.
Nothing.
I was taking his temperature.
See? 98.
6, healthy as a duck.
Bye.
Carly, don't leave.
She's beating me with your underwear.
Mom.
Oh no, no, no.
Mom, mom, please--no, mom.
Hey, Carls.
You scared me.
Yeah, I saw that.
What were you doing behind that bush? Lying in wait, so I can get the drop on Spencer when he comes home.
Man, you look even whiter than usual.
You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Freddie, okay? Yes.
What are you, the girl of many questions? Uh, what just happened in there? I kissed Freddie.
Well, good morning, mister and Mrs.
Benson.
Sam Stop.
Oops, second bell.
See you after class.
Yeah, savor it.
Savor what? The love, the Carly love.
Jealous? Gross.
Then what's your problem? Not my problem, yours.
Wait.
Go to class, crutchie.
What problem do I have? You want the truth? Let's hear it.
Remember two years ago when I dated that guy, Eric Mosby, the kid with the big nose? Sure, Noseby Mosby.
Uh-huh.
And remember how he tried to get me to be his girlfriend for like six months, and I kept sayin', "get away from me or I'll kill you"? And then, he bought me a subscription to the "bacons of the world club"? And then, boom, I thought I was in love with the guy? I'm listening.
I was never in love with him.
I was in love with the foreign bacon that kept showin' up at my door every month.
Like a beautiful greasy dream.
Uh, I doubt that bacon could make you think you're in love with someone.
You ever had Bolivian bacon? No.
It changes you.
Well, I didn't buy Carly any foreign bacon.
I saved her life.
And that's Carly's bacon.
She's not in love with you.
She's in love with what you did.
You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple.
Very true.
It makes me wanna puke up blood.
But still, what I said is true and you know it.
I gotta get to class.
Here's Spencie.
Oh.
Uh, I gotta quit saying witty things before I blow.
Hello.
This is the housekeeper.
I'm very old and not Spencer.
Who is it? Delivery for Spencer shay.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay.
Bring it in.
Here you go.
Wait.
Open it up.
Real slow like.
Whoa You see a girl in there? No.
Why, did you order one? No.
What's in it? Uh, just this.
Just a lollipop? Yeah.
Except to where I come from, we don't call it a lollipop.
Oh.
Well, what do you call it? A sucker.
What? No.
Yeah, baby.
Momma wins.
I am the ultimate assassin.
Whoo! Yeah! There you are.
Here I am.
Spencer tell you I was comin' over? Yeah, he said you wanna fix something on the iCarly site? Uh-huh.
I'm just gonna bump up the speed with this eight core, three gigahertz server.
Oooh, I love it when you talk all techie.
Really? Yeah.
It's cute and geeky at the same time.
It's Kyookie.
You've never called my tech-talk Kyookie before.
Well, that was before we were-- you know? Ooh.
You retreated.
I didn't retreat.
You kinda did.
What's wrong? Nothing.
It's just-- so are we-- are we, like, boyfriend and girlfriend now? I dunno, maybe.
Oh.
Well, don't say "oh" like that.
I just said "oh.
" No, you said it like you were at a raffle, and you won a prize, and then you found out the prize was just a can of soup, so you go "oh.
" You know I like you way better than most soups.
Well, yey.
Now, what do wanna do, kiss or bump up your four-score giggle-jam server? Eight core, three gigahertz.
Yeah that's really interesting.
Come here.
Wow, you seriously don't wanna kiss me.
Why? 'Cause I'm just bacon.
You're bacon? Foreign bacon.
Did that taco truck hit you in your brain? I thought you wanted me to be your girlfriend since the first day you met me.
I have.
Well? I'm standing here with my lips all glossed up and you're treating me like I'm your icky cousin Amanda.
Amanda is disgusting.
Freddie-- okay, you know how you've always said you like me, but that you don't like me that way? You know, the good way? Yeah, but that was-- before I saved your life.
So? Nothing's changed.
I'm still the same Freddie and you're still the same Carly.
But I love-- you love what I did.
You love that I risked my life to save yours.
But I don't think you're in love with me.
You just think you are.
You mean like when Sam dated Noseby Mosby because he got her all that bacon? Bacon.
Yeah, exactly.
So, you don't want me to be your girlfriend? No, I do.
But I think we should wait a while 'till I'm out of this cast and this whole hero thing wears off.
And then, if you still wanna be my girlfriend, I'd be really psyched about it.
Okay.
I should probably get home so my mom can spray me.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Um, listen, when we kissed before, I didn't realize that would be our last one--for a while-- so, I was thinkin' maybe if you wanted to 'Night, Freddie.
What did I do?