Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e09 Episode Script
Bigger in Texas
[ ALL SCREAMING .]
[ Southern accent .]
WE JUST LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! [ Southern accent .]
WE JUST LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH OTHER.
WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH OTHER.
AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE OTHER.
AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE UP, PARTNER! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE UP, PARTNER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO UP, PARTNER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO REMEMBER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO REMEMBER! THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS REMEMBER! THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT? ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT? [ ALL SCREAMING .]
WHAT'S THAT? [ ALL SCREAMING .]
DRAW! DRAW! [ ALL SCREAMING .]
DRAW! DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! DRAW! DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
HOWDY.
WE'RE AT TEXAS RANCH LIFE IN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WE'RE AT TEXAS RANCH LIFE IN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
[ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
[ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT [ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT RANCH IS DRESSING, WE'VE ALSO FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT RANCH IS DRESSING, WE'VE ALSO PREPARED EACH OTHERS' LESSONS.
[ Normal voice .]
AT THE END OF THE LESSON, WE'RE GONNA ASK THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED OF THE LESSON, WE'RE GONNA ASK THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING OF VALUE.
THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING OF VALUE.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS ANYTHING OF VALUE.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS RAISED LOSES.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS RAISED LOSES.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON RAISED LOSES.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON THAT HAY.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON THAT HAY.
OH [BLEEP.]
THAT HAY.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, HERE THEY COME.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU? OH, HE SAID "HOWDY" FOR OH, HE SAID "HOWDY" FOR CREDIBILITY RIGHT UP TOP.
CREDIBILITY RIGHT UP TOP.
WE'LL TAKE YOU THROUGH SOME WE'LL TAKE YOU THROUGH SOME OF THE BASICS OF WHAT'S IT LIKE OF THE BASICS OF WHAT'S IT LIKE LIVING, WORKING ON A RANCH.
LIVING, WORKING ON A RANCH.
BUMP BUTTS AND YELL, BUMP BUTTS AND YELL, "COWBOYS.
" "COWBOYS.
" [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
Both: COWBOYS! Both: COWBOYS! [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A VOLUNTEER.
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
AH, THERE WE GO.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
AH, THERE WE GO.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS AH, THERE WE GO.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS BACK.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS BACK.
12 BACK.
12 12 "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" OH! "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" OH! I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
OH! I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" [ LAUGHS .]
SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S HOLDING A LASSO.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S HOLDING A LASSO.
OH, OKAY.
HOLDING A LASSO.
OH, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
THIS WON'T HURT.
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
THIS WON'T HURT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS WON'T HURT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE A BULLWHIP.
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE A BULLWHIP.
MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, TO USE A BULLWHIP.
MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, GO, "WHA-PISH!" MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, GO, "WHA-PISH!" IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION GO, "WHA-PISH!" IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF A WHIP.
THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF A WHIP.
WHA-PISH! A WHIP.
WHA-PISH! YOU HEAR IT? WHA-PISH! YOU HEAR IT? IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING YOU HEAR IT? IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING BROKEN.
IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING BROKEN.
DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
BROKEN.
DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
WHA-PISH! YOU MISSED IT.
WHA-PISH! DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHA-PISH! DID YOU HEAR THAT? KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER DID YOU HEAR THAT? KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR PISTOLS.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR PISTOLS.
WHA-PISH! PISTOLS.
WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! NOW! WHA-PISH! NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
YEE-HAW! KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
YEE-HAW! YAHOO! YEE-HAW! YAHOO! POW-POW-POW! YAHOO! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW! PARTNER! POW-POW! PARTNER! PSSH! PSSH! PARTNER! PSSH! PSSH! POW-PSSH! PSSH! PSSH! POW-PSSH! YOU GOT THAT? POW-PSSH! YOU GOT THAT? [ LAUGHS .]
YOU GOT THAT? [ LAUGHS .]
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW [ LAUGHS .]
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW YOU HERE.
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW YOU HERE.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" YOU HERE.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
ROBERT? WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
ROBERT? [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
ROBERT? [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND SADDLE THAT HORSE.
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND SADDLE THAT HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THAT HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THIS HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THIS HORSE.
HERE WE ARE.
SADDLE THIS HORSE.
HERE WE ARE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HERE WE ARE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHS .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHS .]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
SORRY.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
SORRY.
[ LAUGHS .]
SORRY.
[ LAUGHS .]
WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE [ LAUGHS .]
WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? THERE YOU GO.
PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? THERE YOU GO.
AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, THERE YOU GO.
AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, RIGHT? AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHS .]
OH [BLEEP.]
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" OH [BLEEP.]
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, "LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, EVERYBODY.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, EVERYBODY.
ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
EVERYBODY.
ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ONCE.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ONCE.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
ONCE.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN [ LAUGHTER .]
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN EARPIECE.
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN EARPIECE.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
EARPIECE.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
THANK YOU.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY [ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING OF VALUE HERE TODAY? THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING OF VALUE HERE TODAY? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? OF VALUE HERE TODAY? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? [ LAUGHTER .]
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW.
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
GET ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIES.
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT [ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE BELONGS AT ALL.
JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE BELONGS AT ALL.
THANKS, GUYS, FOR COMING.
THANKS, GUYS, FOR COMING.
WHAT WE DO IS WE SHOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
WHAT WE DO IS WE SHOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS GUY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS GUY.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GUY.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GRAB THAT STEER.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GRAB THAT STEER.
[ GRUNTS .]
GRAB THAT STEER.
[ GRUNTS .]
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
[ GRUNTS .]
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
[ LAUGHS .]
SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, OKAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, OKAY.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, OKAY.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
HELP US ALL.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
HELP US ALL.
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO HELP US ALL.
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT WELL AT ALL.
THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT WELL AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, ALL RIGHT.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, FALL OFF THE STEER.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, FALL OFF THE STEER.
[ LAUGHS .]
FALL OFF THE STEER.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OUT.
BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OUT.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I HOLD IT OUT.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO TO DO IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO SNEAK UP ON IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, SNEAK UP ON IT.
IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE.
THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO ANYWHERE.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO IT, TOO.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO IT, TOO.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
IT, TOO.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE MOVING.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE MOVING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
RIGHT.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
RIGHT.
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RIGHT.
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LASSO? ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LASSO? YOU GUYS GOT THAT? LASSO? YOU GUYS GOT THAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU GUYS GOT THAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE BULLWHIPS NOW.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE BULLWHIPS NOW.
WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
BULLWHIPS NOW.
WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
SAL, FALL! WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
SAL, FALL! [ LAUGHS .]
SAL, FALL! [ LAUGHS .]
BULLWHIPS.
[ LAUGHS .]
BULLWHIPS.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD BULLWHIPS.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD WHIP NOISE.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD WHIP NOISE.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
WHIP NOISE.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
OW! [BLEEP.]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
OW! [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OW! [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, MY GOD! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED OH, MY GOD! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED MYSELF UP! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED MYSELF UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
MYSELF UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER DISBELIEF.
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER DISBELIEF.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE DISBELIEF.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE TODAY.
LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE TODAY.
YEAH! TODAY.
YEAH! ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
YEAH! ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.
THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP MUCH.
THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP YOUR COWBOY.
COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP YOUR COWBOY.
[ GRUNTING .]
YOUR COWBOY.
[ GRUNTING .]
RIGHT? [ GRUNTING .]
RIGHT? [ DING! .]
RIGHT? [ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T ROPE A WIN, SO THEY'RE BRANDED Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T ROPE A WIN, SO THEY'RE BRANDED UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
COMING UP -- WHAT'S GOT MURR RIDING SIDESADDLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
RIDING SIDESADDLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS [ LAUGHTER .]
AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? WHOA! GIDDYUP, PARTNERS.
WELCOME TO AUSTIN.
WELCOME TO AUSTIN.
TODAY WE'RE SHILLING BOOTS, TODAY WE'RE SHILLING BOOTS, BUCKLES, HATS, AND EVERYTHING BUCKLES, HATS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE WESTERN AT ALLENS BOOTS.
ELSE WESTERN AT ALLENS BOOTS.
WHILE POSING AS EMPLOYEES, WHILE POSING AS EMPLOYEES, WE'LL HAVE TO DO AND SAY WHAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER COWBOYS TELL US.
THE OTHER COWBOYS TELL US.
[ Southern accent .]
AND IF [ Southern accent .]
AND IF YOU REFUSE, YOU'RE GETTING YOU REFUSE, YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF HOG-TIED.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
HI, BUD.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
WELCOME.
GOOD.
WELCOME.
JOE, TELL HIM YOU'RE IN THE JOE, TELL HIM YOU'RE IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
YEAH, JUST LET DETAILS SLIP, YEAH, JUST LET DETAILS SLIP, THOUGH.
THOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TODAY? TODAY? BROWSING AROUND? BROWSING AROUND? YEAH.
ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH.
ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK EAST.
YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK EAST.
I RELOCATED HERE.
EAST.
I RELOCATED HERE.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
I RELOCATED HERE.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
OKAY.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
I'M OUT HERE NOW JUST TRYING TO YEAH.
I'M OUT HERE NOW JUST TRYING TO START OVER -- NEW LIFE, NEW START OVER -- NEW LIFE, NEW NAME, NEW JOB.
IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS BROOKLYN.
I HAD A LOT MORE FRIENDS IN I HAD A LOT MORE FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN, A LOT MORE FAMILY.
BROOKLYN, A LOT MORE FAMILY.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW? BUT I CAN'T TALK TO THEM NO BUT I CAN'T TALK TO THEM NO MORE.
MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
BUT IT'S GOOD.
BUT IT'S GOOD.
IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIVING.
YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIVING.
YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, YOU KNOW, ANY OF THAT STUFF.
GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, YOU KNOW, ANY OF THAT STUFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, BROWSE AROUND.
YEAH, YEAH.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WITNESS PROTECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO [ LAUGHTER .]
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO SOMEBODY.
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO SOMEBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND? SOMEBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THINGS YOU DID.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THINGS YOU DID.
THIS ONE TIME I HAD TO MAKE A THIS ONE TIME I HAD TO MAKE A GUY DISAPPEAR.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
GUY DISAPPEAR.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET DOWN.
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET DOWN.
OKAY.
DOWN.
OKAY.
I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES OKAY.
I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS THE WHOLE -- SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS THE WHOLE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
THE WHOLE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ LAUGHS .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
[ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ LAUGHS .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU LOOK SO OUT OF PLACE IN THAT THING.
PLACE IN THAT THING.
THERE'S NOT ONE FIBER OF HIS THERE'S NOT ONE FIBER OF HIS BEING THAT IS ANYTHING COUNTRY BEING THAT IS ANYTHING COUNTRY OR ANYTHING COWBOY.
OR ANYTHING COWBOY.
[ Normal voice .]
WATCH IT, [ Normal voice .]
WATCH IT, SAL.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I SAL.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I AM.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I AM.
I AM? REALLY? AM.
I AM? REALLY? WHOA! I AM? REALLY? WHOA! I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE WHOA! I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR MORE THAN I DO.
ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR MORE THAN I DO.
SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
MORE THAN I DO.
SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
I DOPRIMP.
OH [BLEEP.]
I DOPRIMP.
GUILTY AS CHARGED.
I DOPRIMP.
GUILTY AS CHARGED.
MURR? GUILTY AS CHARGED.
MURR? MM.
MURR? MM.
GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE MM.
GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE THERE.
HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE THERE.
[ TRUMPET PLAYS .]
WHAT KIND OF HAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? GO AHEAD, PARTNER.
GO AHEAD, PARTNER.
PUT SOME HATS ON HER.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
PUT SOME HATS ON HER.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD SIZES.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD SIZES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SIZES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, RIGHT? THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, RIGHT? THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
RIGHT? THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
OH, NO.
INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
OH, NO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, NO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
JUST START STACKING THE HATS [ LAUGHTER .]
JUST START STACKING THE HATS ON HER HEAD.
JUST START STACKING THE HATS ON HER HEAD.
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
ON HER HEAD.
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE IS THAT THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE IS THAT [ LAUGHTER .]
IS THAT [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
UM MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
UM [ LAUGHS .]
UM [ LAUGHS .]
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE [ LAUGHS .]
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE BLACK ONES.
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE BLACK ONES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLACK ONES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? I THINK I'M GOOD.
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? I THINK I'M GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, GO HELP THAT MOM AND HER KID.
HI, GUYS.
HER KID.
HI, GUYS.
IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE HI, GUYS.
IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE MAN TO ASK, OKAY? IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE MAN TO ASK, OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT.
WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT.
WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU LIKE THEM.
YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU LIKE THEM.
"YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS LIKE THEM.
"YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME.
" "YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME.
" I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, PART TIME.
" I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, THOUGH.
I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, THOUGH.
"I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP THOUGH.
"I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" "I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" [ LAUGHS .]
CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" [ LAUGHS .]
I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- [ LAUGHS .]
I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A "Z.
" GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A "Z.
" "Z.
" "Z.
" "Z.
" YEAH.
"Z.
" YEAH.
"LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR YEAH.
"LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" "LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF OUR RAPS? DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF OUR RAPS? YOU KNOW I DO.
OUR RAPS? YOU KNOW I DO.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU KNOW I DO.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS ONE'S CALLED [ LAUGHS .]
THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" GOOD LUCK.
"WE DOGGY.
" GOOD LUCK.
[ LAUGHS .]
GOOD LUCK.
[ LAUGHS .]
GET INTO IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
OWN IT.
GET INTO IT.
OWN IT.
[ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES OWN IT.
[ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES DON'T YOU KNOW? [ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES DON'T YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER .]
DON'T YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT THE FIRST LINE.
THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT THE FIRST LINE.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! THE FIRST LINE.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! [ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
SAL, THE GUY WITH THE LOLLIPOP.
YES, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU? LOLLIPOP.
YES, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU? BELTS? BELTS? I MEAN, WE HAVE EVERYTHING HERE THAT YOU SEE.
I MEAN, WE HAVE EVERYTHING HERE THAT YOU SEE.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS THAT YOU SEE.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS BODY.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS BODY.
[ LAUGHS .]
BODY.
[ LAUGHS .]
AHH! [ LAUGHS .]
AHH! THE BELTS STRETCH AHH! THE BELTS STRETCH PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY THE BELTS STRETCH PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY USES IT.
PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY USES IT.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU USES IT.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO [ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO KNEE.
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO KNEE.
RIGHT? KNEE.
RIGHT? AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF RIGHT? AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF NOSE LIKE THAT.
AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF NOSE LIKE THAT.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT NOSE LIKE THAT.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT THEM.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT THEM.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? THEM.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE BACK OVER THE AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE BACK OVER THE [ LAUGHTER .]
BACK OVER THE [ LAUGHTER .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHS .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHS .]
KEEP MEASURING.
[ LAUGHS .]
KEEP MEASURING.
KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
KEEP MEASURING.
KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE THAT, JUST TO SEE YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE THAT, JUST TO SEE [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
OKAY.
WELCOME.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
BIG TEXAS WELCOME! BIG TEXAS WELCOME! OOH.
"HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHS .]
OOH.
"HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHS .]
HERE YOU GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HERE HE COMES.
SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
OKAY.
WELCOME.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
BIG TEXAS WELCOME! BIG TEXAS WELCOME! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY [BLEEP.]
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY [BLEEP.]
OH! HOWDY [BLEEP.]
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
[ DING! .]
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Q.
YEAH? YEAH? YOU SEE THIS GUY WALKING DOWN YOU SEE THIS GUY WALKING DOWN THE AISLE? THE AISLE? GO IN THE OTHER AISLE AND PUSH GO IN THE OTHER AISLE AND PUSH BOOTS OUT TOWARD THIS GUY.
BOOTS OUT TOWARD THIS GUY.
"WE CAN'T KEEP THESE BOOTS ON "WE CAN'T KEEP THESE BOOTS ON THE SHELVES.
" THE SHELVES.
" "WITH PRICES LIKE THESE.
" "WITH PRICES LIKE THESE.
" DO YOU NEED HELP WITH DO YOU NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING, SIR, OR ARE YOU GOOD? OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? ANYTHING, SIR, OR ARE YOU GOOD? OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? YEAH.
OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? YEAH.
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
YEAH.
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THESE LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THESE LOOK GOOD.
I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I THESE LOOK GOOD.
I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE MEAN? OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS.
" OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"GHOSTBUSTERS.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CLEANUP, AISLE SIX.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CLEANUP, AISLE SIX.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS GIRL.
"DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?" "DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?" EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU AT DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU AT ALL? ALL? OH, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE OH, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.
BEFORE.
"NOT FROM THIS JOB.
" "NOT FROM THIS JOB.
" NOT FROM THIS JOB.
NOT FROM THIS JOB.
"THURSDAY NIGHTS, I DANCE AT "THURSDAY NIGHTS, I DANCE AT MILKING STUDS, THE STRIP CLUB MILKING STUDS, THE STRIP CLUB DOWN ON ROUTE 9.
" DOWN ON ROUTE 9.
" 'CAUSE 'CAUSE [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
THURSDAY NIGHT, I DANCE AT, THURSDAY NIGHT, I DANCE AT, UHTHIS MALE STRIP CLUB CALLED UHTHIS MALE STRIP CLUB CALLED MILKING STUDS.
MILKING STUDS.
HUH.
HUH.
"I COULD'VE SWORE YOU BOUGHT "I COULD'VE SWORE YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
" A DANCE FROM ME.
" YEAH, I COULD'VE SWORN THAT YEAH, I COULD'VE SWORN THAT YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
JUST START PEELING YOUR VEST OFF SLOW.
JUST START PEELING YOUR VEST OFF SLOW.
TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
OFF SLOW.
TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER .]
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A GOOD SALE SELECTION.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A GOOD SALE SELECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD SALE SELECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE CONSTIPATED.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE CONSTIPATED.
[ LAUGHS .]
CONSTIPATED.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SHOW HER THE BUTT! [ LAUGHTER .]
SHOW HER THE BUTT! YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? SHOW HER THE BUTT! YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ DING! .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, HE'S DOING TIME.
A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, HE'S DOING TIME.
WE'RE AT THE HE'S DOING TIME.
WE'RE AT THE TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST WE'RE AT THE TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR SUNGLASSES ON.
MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR SUNGLASSES ON.
EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE SUNGLASSES ON.
EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE BEEN BLACKED OUT ON THE INSIDE, EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE BEEN BLACKED OUT ON THE INSIDE, SO WE CAN'T SEE A BLESSED THING.
THE OTHER GUYS WILL TELL US WHAT TO SAY, WHAT TO DO, AND WHAT TO SAY, WHAT TO DO, AND WHERE TO MOVE.
WHERE TO MOVE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU'RE YOU'LL HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD AND THEN DEAL WITH THE TOLD AND THEN DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
CONSEQUENCES.
IF YOU CAN'T, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T, YOU LOSE.
HEY, COWBOYS, IT ALL COMES HEY, COWBOYS, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS! DOWN TO THIS! [ ALL SCREAMING .]
HERE I GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
MURR, WALK STRAIGHT.
MURR, WALK STRAIGHT.
TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT.
TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
THE RIGHT.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WATCH YOUR STEP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WASN'T THAT FUN? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WASN'T THAT FUN? TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
WASN'T THAT FUN? TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
[BLEEP.]
TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
[BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! [BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! NO [BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! NO [BLEEP.]
JERKS! NO [BLEEP.]
JERKS! [ LAUGHTER .]
JERKS! [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
HEY! [BLEEP.]
HEY! [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY! [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT WAS GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT WAS GREAT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
THAT WAS GREAT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"MA'AM.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"MA'AM.
" MA'AM.
"MA'AM.
" MA'AM.
YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE MA'AM.
YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, HUH? YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, HUH? [ GASPS .]
ALAMO, HUH? [ GASPS .]
YOU GUYS CL-- [ GASPS .]
YOU GUYS CL-- OH, MAN.
YOU GUYS CL-- OH, MAN.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
OH, MAN.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
TURN LEFT.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
TURN LEFT.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A TURN LEFT.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, RIGHT? YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING .]
ALAMO, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING .]
YES! WHY WOULD HE THINK HE'S NOT GONNA SAY IT? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING GONNA SAY IT? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR TALKING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR TALKING.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
THANKS FOR TALKING.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING [ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE WHAT HAPPENED? Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
EPISODE.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA SAY IT! I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA SAY IT! YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SAY IT! YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SALOON, BUDDY.
YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SALOON, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SALOON, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
LOSER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF HIS LIFE.
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF HIS LIFE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HIS LIFE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I'M AN IDIOT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I'M AN IDIOT.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG I'M AN IDIOT.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO SKILLS.
AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO SKILLS.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, SKILLS.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BULLS MOO .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BULLS MOO .]
THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE [ BULLS MOO .]
THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU TO NOT MAKE STUPID BETS THAT LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU TO NOT MAKE STUPID BETS THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
HERE IT COMES.
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
IT'S YOU, BUDDY.
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
IT'S YOU, BUDDY.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY, Y'ALL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER .]
I'M BRIAN QUINN.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER .]
I'M BRIAN QUINN.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M BRIAN QUINN.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK CITY, THAT IS.
STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK CITY, THAT IS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CITY, THAT IS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, [ LAUGHTER .]
AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, TOO.
BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, TOO.
[ LAUGHS .]
TOO.
[ LAUGHS .]
NO, WE DON'T.
[ LAUGHS .]
NO, WE DON'T.
AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
NO, WE DON'T.
AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND I DO THAT WELL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND I DO THAT WELL.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I AND I DO THAT WELL.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I BECOME THE CHAMPION.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I BECOME THE CHAMPION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHO AM I? "I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" "I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! [ FEEDBACK .]
WORLD! [ FEEDBACK .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ FEEDBACK .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS OFF TO SOMEONE? CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS OFF TO SOMEONE? [ LAUGHTER .]
OFF TO SOMEONE? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A CALF.
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A CALF.
THANKS, BUD.
CALF.
THANKS, BUD.
OKAY.
THANKS, BUD.
OKAY.
OH, OKAY.
OKAY.
OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD [ LAUGHTER .]
HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD THE ROPE! HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD THE ROPE! HE WASN'T EVEN -- THE ROPE! HE WASN'T EVEN -- ALL RIGHT, COW.
HE WASN'T EVEN -- ALL RIGHT, COW.
[ COW MOOS .]
ALL RIGHT, COW.
[ COW MOOS .]
I LOVE ANIMALS.
[ COW MOOS .]
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I LOVE YOU.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A I LOVE YOU.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A BILLION YEARS.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A BILLION YEARS.
YOU DON'T HURT ME.
BILLION YEARS.
YOU DON'T HURT ME.
HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T YOU DON'T HURT ME.
HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT -- HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT -- TEXAS JUSTICE.
KNOW ABOUT -- TEXAS JUSTICE.
YEAH! TEXAS JUSTICE.
YEAH! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
YEAH! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
WHOA! WHOA! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
WHOA! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! WHOA! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! GET THE -- GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! GET THE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
GET THE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
WHOA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
WHOA! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHOA! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DON'T -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! YES! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! YES! YEE-HAW! [ LAUGHTER .]
"IT AIN'T NEW YORK ANYMORE.
" [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
"IT AIN'T NEW YORK ANYMORE.
" [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
YEE-HAW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
YEE-HAW! WELL, THAT IS TEXAS.
YEE-HAW! WELL, THAT IS TEXAS.
OHH.
[ Southern accent .]
WE JUST LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! [ Southern accent .]
WE JUST LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP LANDED IN THE LONE STAR STATE! WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WE'RE GONNA BE LASSOING UP TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH TROUBLE ALL OVER THE WILD, WILD WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH OTHER.
WEST, TRYING TO HUMILIATE EACH OTHER.
AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE OTHER.
AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THE LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! LOSER'S GONNA BE SERVED UP SOME TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE TEXAS-STYLE JUSTICE! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE UP, PARTNER! [ Southern accent .]
SO SADDLE UP, PARTNER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO UP, PARTNER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO REMEMBER! IT'S GONNA BE A SHOWDOWN TO REMEMBER! THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS REMEMBER! THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
THIS OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE IS ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT? ONLY MISSING ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT? [ ALL SCREAMING .]
WHAT'S THAT? [ ALL SCREAMING .]
DRAW! DRAW! [ ALL SCREAMING .]
DRAW! DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! DRAW! DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING TEXAS DRAW! TEXAS DRAW! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
HOWDY.
WE'RE AT TEXAS RANCH LIFE IN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WE'RE AT TEXAS RANCH LIFE IN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN CHAPPELL HILL, A DUDE RANCH WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
WHERE PEOPLE COME TO LEARN REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING REAL-DEAL COWBOY SKILLS.
AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH AND TODAY, WE'RE PARTNERING UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
UP AS RANCH EXPERTS TO TEACH SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
[ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE SOME CITY SLICKERS THE ROPES.
[ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT [ Normal voice .]
BESIDES THE FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT RANCH IS DRESSING, WE'VE ALSO FACT THAT ALL WE KNOW ABOUT RANCH IS DRESSING, WE'VE ALSO PREPARED EACH OTHERS' LESSONS.
[ Normal voice .]
AT THE END OF THE LESSON, WE'RE GONNA ASK THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED OF THE LESSON, WE'RE GONNA ASK THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING OF VALUE.
THOSE FOLKS IF THEY LEARNED ANYTHING OF VALUE.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS ANYTHING OF VALUE.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS RAISED LOSES.
WHOEVER GETS THE FEWEST HANDS RAISED LOSES.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON RAISED LOSES.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON THAT HAY.
I JUST SAW A HORSE PISS ON THAT HAY.
OH [BLEEP.]
THAT HAY.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, HERE THEY COME.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU? OH, HE SAID "HOWDY" FOR OH, HE SAID "HOWDY" FOR CREDIBILITY RIGHT UP TOP.
CREDIBILITY RIGHT UP TOP.
WE'LL TAKE YOU THROUGH SOME WE'LL TAKE YOU THROUGH SOME OF THE BASICS OF WHAT'S IT LIKE OF THE BASICS OF WHAT'S IT LIKE LIVING, WORKING ON A RANCH.
LIVING, WORKING ON A RANCH.
BUMP BUTTS AND YELL, BUMP BUTTS AND YELL, "COWBOYS.
" "COWBOYS.
" [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
Both: COWBOYS! Both: COWBOYS! [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A VOLUNTEER.
MURR, OKAY, SO, LET'S GET A VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
OKAY.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
AH, THERE WE GO.
WHAT WE NEED IS A VOLUNTEER.
AH, THERE WE GO.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS AH, THERE WE GO.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS BACK.
MURR, TAKE 10 LARGE STEPS BACK.
12 BACK.
12 12 "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" OH! "I AM GOING TO LASSO YOU.
" OH! I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
OH! I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M GOING TO LASSO YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" [ LAUGHS .]
SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL?" MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
MURRAY HAS NEVER PICKED UP A LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S LASSO IN HIS LIFE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S HOLDING A LASSO.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE'S HOLDING A LASSO.
OH, OKAY.
HOLDING A LASSO.
OH, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
THIS WON'T HURT.
NOW, KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN.
THIS WON'T HURT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS WON'T HURT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING ALONG [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE A BULLWHIP.
SO, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE A BULLWHIP.
MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, TO USE A BULLWHIP.
MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, GO, "WHA-PISH!" MURR, EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, GO, "WHA-PISH!" IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION GO, "WHA-PISH!" IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF IT'S THE CHANGE IN DIRECTION THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF A WHIP.
THAT MAKES THE CLASSIC SOUND OF A WHIP.
WHA-PISH! A WHIP.
WHA-PISH! YOU HEAR IT? WHA-PISH! YOU HEAR IT? IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING YOU HEAR IT? IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING BROKEN.
IT'S THE SOUND BARRIER BEING BROKEN.
DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
BROKEN.
DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE DO IT AGAIN, MURR.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
I'LL SHOW YOU AGAIN, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
WHA-PISH! YOU MISSED IT.
WHA-PISH! DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHA-PISH! DID YOU HEAR THAT? KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER DID YOU HEAR THAT? KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO KEEP WHIPPING, AND WHENEVER WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
WE YELL "NOW," CLAP AND POINT TO THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR THE PERSON ON THE LEFT.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR PISTOLS.
Q, START SHOOTING AIR PISTOLS.
WHA-PISH! PISTOLS.
WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! POW-POW! WHA-PISH! NOW! WHA-PISH! NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
YEE-HAW! KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
YEE-HAW! YAHOO! YEE-HAW! YAHOO! POW-POW-POW! YAHOO! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW! YEE-HAW! POW-POW! PARTNER! POW-POW! PARTNER! PSSH! PSSH! PARTNER! PSSH! PSSH! POW-PSSH! PSSH! PSSH! POW-PSSH! YOU GOT THAT? POW-PSSH! YOU GOT THAT? [ LAUGHS .]
YOU GOT THAT? [ LAUGHS .]
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW [ LAUGHS .]
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW YOU HERE.
WE GOT ONE MORE SKILL TO SHOW YOU HERE.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" YOU HERE.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
"WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
" WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
ROBERT? WE GOT ROBERT COMING OUT.
ROBERT? [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
ROBERT? [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND [ HORSE NEIGHS .]
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND SADDLE THAT HORSE.
BOYS, JUST GO AHEAD AND SADDLE THAT HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THAT HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THIS HORSE.
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO SADDLE THIS HORSE.
HERE WE ARE.
SADDLE THIS HORSE.
HERE WE ARE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HERE WE ARE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHS .]
MURRAY, NOW! NOW! [ LAUGHS .]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
SORRY.
THE WIND GOT MY HAT THERE.
SORRY.
[ LAUGHS .]
SORRY.
[ LAUGHS .]
WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE [ LAUGHS .]
WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE THE SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? SADDLE, AND YOU -- I GUESS YOU PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? THERE YOU GO.
PUT IT OVER HIS BACK? THERE YOU GO.
AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, THERE YOU GO.
AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, RIGHT? AND NOW, THAT'S BACKWARDS, RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHS .]
OH [BLEEP.]
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" OH [BLEEP.]
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, "LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT.
" LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, EVERYBODY.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ROBERT, EVERYBODY.
ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
EVERYBODY.
ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ROBERT AND I HAVE A HISTORY.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ONCE.
I BROUGHT A GIRL ON THIS RANCH ONCE.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
ONCE.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN [ LAUGHTER .]
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN EARPIECE.
ROBERT DOESN'T HAVE AN EARPIECE.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
EARPIECE.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
ROBERT HAS NO EARPIECE.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
THANK YOU.
OFFERED UNPROMPTED.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU, ROBERT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY [ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU OUT OF THE FIVE OF YOU, BY SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING OF VALUE HERE TODAY? THINK YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING OF VALUE HERE TODAY? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? OF VALUE HERE TODAY? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? COME ON.
HOW MANY? HOW MANY? SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO THAT'S NO HANDS AT ALL? [ LAUGHTER .]
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW.
ZERO HANDS.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
GET ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIES.
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT [ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU, SAL, BUT JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE BELONGS AT ALL.
JOE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HE BELONGS AT ALL.
THANKS, GUYS, FOR COMING.
THANKS, GUYS, FOR COMING.
WHAT WE DO IS WE SHOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
WHAT WE DO IS WE SHOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS LIKE TO BE A REAL COWBOY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS GUY.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA FOOL THIS GUY.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GUY.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GRAB THAT STEER.
HE'S LIKE A REAL COWBOY.
GRAB THAT STEER.
[ GRUNTS .]
GRAB THAT STEER.
[ GRUNTS .]
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
[ GRUNTS .]
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SET THIS GUY DOWN RIGHT HERE.
NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA NOW, JOE, SIT ON THE STEER.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
[ LAUGHS .]
SAL, SHOW THEM HOW TO LASSO.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, OKAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, OKAY.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, OKAY.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
LOOK AT JOE.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
HELP US ALL.
SO, HERE WE GO, JOE.
HELP US ALL.
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO HELP US ALL.
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GO THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT WELL AT ALL.
THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT WELL AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, ALL RIGHT.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, FALL OFF THE STEER.
JOE, WHEN THAT ROPE HITS YOU, FALL OFF THE STEER.
[ LAUGHS .]
FALL OFF THE STEER.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, SAL, FALL FOR NO REASON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA SO, WITH THE LASSO, YOU BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OUT.
BASICALLY -- YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OUT.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I HOLD IT OUT.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
YOU SHOULD MOVE AWAY 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
DON'T WANT TO HURT NOBODY.
AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING AND YOU WANT TO WALK AROUND.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT.
SQUAT DOWN AS YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO TO DO IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO SNEAK UP ON IT.
SO, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SNEAK UP ON IT.
IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, SNEAK UP ON IT.
IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING IF HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M COMING, THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE.
THIS LONGHORN AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO ANYWHERE.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO IT, TOO.
SAL, GRAB YOUR LASSO AND DO IT, TOO.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
IT, TOO.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
JUST SNEAK UP ON IT.
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BE REALLY QUIET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE THAT LOOKS SO STUPID.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE MOVING.
BUT YOU GOT TO KEEP THE ROPE MOVING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MOVING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
I'M GONNA GET THIS STEER.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
THIS ONE'S GONNA BE MINE.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
RIGHT.
THE TREE GOT IN THE WAY.
RIGHT.
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RIGHT.
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LASSO? ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LASSO? YOU GUYS GOT THAT? LASSO? YOU GUYS GOT THAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU GUYS GOT THAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE BULLWHIPS NOW.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, ON TO THE BULLWHIPS NOW.
WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
BULLWHIPS NOW.
WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
SAL, FALL! WE'LL SHOW YOU THE BULLWHIP.
SAL, FALL! [ LAUGHS .]
SAL, FALL! [ LAUGHS .]
BULLWHIPS.
[ LAUGHS .]
BULLWHIPS.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD BULLWHIPS.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD WHIP NOISE.
SO, THE BULLWHIP MAKES A LOUD WHIP NOISE.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
WHIP NOISE.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ LIGHT CRACK .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
OH, NOT BAD.
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ WHIP CRACKS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
OW! [BLEEP.]
HE CLIPPED HIMSELF.
OW! [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OW! [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, MY GOD! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED OH, MY GOD! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED MYSELF UP! [ Laughing .]
I JUST JACKED MYSELF UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
MYSELF UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER [ LAUGHTER .]
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER DISBELIEF.
NOW, THAT IS A LOOK OF UTTER DISBELIEF.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE DISBELIEF.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
ONE LAST QUESTION THAT WE LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND LIKE TO ASK EVERYBODY.
JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST RAISE YOUR HAND NICE AND HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE HIGH IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE TODAY.
LEARNED SOMETHING NEW HERE TODAY.
YEAH! TODAY.
YEAH! ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
YEAH! ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE TWO.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.
SO, THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.
THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP MUCH.
THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T TIP COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP YOUR COWBOY.
COWS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TIP YOUR COWBOY.
[ GRUNTING .]
YOUR COWBOY.
[ GRUNTING .]
RIGHT? [ GRUNTING .]
RIGHT? [ DING! .]
RIGHT? [ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T ROPE A WIN, SO THEY'RE BRANDED Narrator: MURR AND Q COULDN'T ROPE A WIN, SO THEY'RE BRANDED UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
COMING UP -- WHAT'S GOT MURR RIDING SIDESADDLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
RIDING SIDESADDLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS [ LAUGHTER .]
AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S AND LATER -- WHICH JOKER GETS DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? DRAGGED INTO TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? WHOA! GIDDYUP, PARTNERS.
WELCOME TO AUSTIN.
WELCOME TO AUSTIN.
TODAY WE'RE SHILLING BOOTS, TODAY WE'RE SHILLING BOOTS, BUCKLES, HATS, AND EVERYTHING BUCKLES, HATS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE WESTERN AT ALLENS BOOTS.
ELSE WESTERN AT ALLENS BOOTS.
WHILE POSING AS EMPLOYEES, WHILE POSING AS EMPLOYEES, WE'LL HAVE TO DO AND SAY WHAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER COWBOYS TELL US.
THE OTHER COWBOYS TELL US.
[ Southern accent .]
AND IF [ Southern accent .]
AND IF YOU REFUSE, YOU'RE GETTING YOU REFUSE, YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF HOG-TIED.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
HI, BUD.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
WELCOME.
GOOD.
WELCOME.
JOE, TELL HIM YOU'RE IN THE JOE, TELL HIM YOU'RE IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
YEAH, JUST LET DETAILS SLIP, YEAH, JUST LET DETAILS SLIP, THOUGH.
THOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TODAY? TODAY? BROWSING AROUND? BROWSING AROUND? YEAH.
ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH.
ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK ARE YOU FROM HERE? YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK EAST.
YEAH, I USED TO BE FROM BACK EAST.
I RELOCATED HERE.
EAST.
I RELOCATED HERE.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
I RELOCATED HERE.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
OKAY.
I WAS FROM NEW YORK.
BROOKLYN.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
I'M OUT HERE NOW JUST TRYING TO YEAH.
I'M OUT HERE NOW JUST TRYING TO START OVER -- NEW LIFE, NEW START OVER -- NEW LIFE, NEW NAME, NEW JOB.
IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS BROOKLYN.
I HAD A LOT MORE FRIENDS IN I HAD A LOT MORE FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN, A LOT MORE FAMILY.
BROOKLYN, A LOT MORE FAMILY.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW? BUT I CAN'T TALK TO THEM NO BUT I CAN'T TALK TO THEM NO MORE.
MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
BUT IT'S GOOD.
BUT IT'S GOOD.
IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIVING.
YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIVING.
YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO SPOTS TO DO STUFF, YOU KNOW? LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, LIKE WHAT'S THE BEST PLACE TO GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, YOU KNOW, ANY OF THAT STUFF.
GET FOOD, PLACE TO HIDE A BODY, YOU KNOW, ANY OF THAT STUFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, BROWSE AROUND.
YEAH, YEAH.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WITNESS PROTECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO [ LAUGHTER .]
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO SOMEBODY.
I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST TO SOMEBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND? SOMEBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
I'M A DISGRAZIATO.
THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THEY CALL ME JOEY TURNCOAT.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THINGS YOU DID.
TELL THEM ALL THE GRUESOME THINGS YOU DID.
THIS ONE TIME I HAD TO MAKE A THIS ONE TIME I HAD TO MAKE A GUY DISAPPEAR.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
GUY DISAPPEAR.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
I PUT CHAINS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN I MADE HIM HOLD THE BRICKS.
JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET JUMP IN THE WATER ON HIS OWN 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET DOWN.
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I USED TO GET DOWN.
OKAY.
DOWN.
OKAY.
I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES OKAY.
I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS I MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS THE WHOLE -- SO THEY CAN'T PIN IT -- THAT WAS THE WHOLE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
THE WHOLE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ LAUGHS .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
HE COULDN'T HOLD IT! [ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
[ EXHALES SHARPLY .]
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MAN.
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
BUT NOW I JUST SELL BOOTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ LAUGHS .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY .]
THANK YOU, MAN.
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU LOOK SO OUT OF PLACE IN THAT THING.
PLACE IN THAT THING.
THERE'S NOT ONE FIBER OF HIS THERE'S NOT ONE FIBER OF HIS BEING THAT IS ANYTHING COUNTRY BEING THAT IS ANYTHING COUNTRY OR ANYTHING COWBOY.
OR ANYTHING COWBOY.
[ Normal voice .]
WATCH IT, [ Normal voice .]
WATCH IT, SAL.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I SAL.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I AM.
YOU'RE FAR MORE PRISSIER THAN I AM.
I AM? REALLY? AM.
I AM? REALLY? WHOA! I AM? REALLY? WHOA! I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE WHOA! I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS I DO SELF-MANICURING MORE THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR THAN SAL DOES, BUT SAL PRIMPS ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR MORE THAN I DO.
ABOUT HIS CLOTHING AND HAIR FAR MORE THAN I DO.
SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
MORE THAN I DO.
SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? SAL'S A BIG PRIMPER.
WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME WHAT DOES "PRIMPER" MEAN? "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S "TO PRIMP -- SPEND TIME MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" MAKING MINOR ADJUSTMENT TO ONE'S MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
MAKEUP, HAIR, OR CLOTHES.
" YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YES, THAT IS 100% YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
I DOPRIMP.
OH [BLEEP.]
I DOPRIMP.
GUILTY AS CHARGED.
I DOPRIMP.
GUILTY AS CHARGED.
MURR? GUILTY AS CHARGED.
MURR? MM.
MURR? MM.
GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE MM.
GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE GO TO THE AISLE WHERE THE HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE THERE.
HATS ARE AND HELP THAT COUPLE THERE.
[ TRUMPET PLAYS .]
WHAT KIND OF HAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? GO AHEAD, PARTNER.
GO AHEAD, PARTNER.
PUT SOME HATS ON HER.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
PUT SOME HATS ON HER.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
LET ME SEE.
OKAY.
WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD WANT TO TRY THIS STYLE ON YOU.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD SIZES.
NOW, HATS RUN IN PRETTY STANDARD SIZES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SIZES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, RIGHT? THAT ONE'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, RIGHT? THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
RIGHT? THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE THAT'S WAY TOO BIG.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
SO LET'S TRY THE OTHER ONE INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
OH, NO.
INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.
OH, NO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, NO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
JUST START STACKING THE HATS [ LAUGHTER .]
JUST START STACKING THE HATS ON HER HEAD.
JUST START STACKING THE HATS ON HER HEAD.
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
ON HER HEAD.
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LET'S TRY ONE OF THESE ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE IS THAT THE GREAT THING ABOUT THESE IS THAT [ LAUGHTER .]
IS THAT [ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
UM MURR, JUST THROW ONE.
UM [ LAUGHS .]
UM [ LAUGHS .]
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE [ LAUGHS .]
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE BLACK ONES.
THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE BLACK ONES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLACK ONES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? I THINK I'M GOOD.
SO, YOU WANT TO WRAP THESE UP? I THINK I'M GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, GO HELP THAT MOM AND HER KID.
HI, GUYS.
HER KID.
HI, GUYS.
IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE HI, GUYS.
IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE MAN TO ASK, OKAY? IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M THE MAN TO ASK, OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT.
WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT.
WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU WE'LL BRING THEM RIGHT OUT, AND YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU LIKE THEM.
YOU CAN TRY THEM ON, SEE IF YOU LIKE THEM.
"YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS LIKE THEM.
"YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME.
" "YOU KNOW, I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME.
" I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, PART TIME.
" I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, THOUGH.
I ONLY DO THIS PART TIME, THOUGH.
"I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP THOUGH.
"I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" "I'M ACTUALLY IN A RAP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" [ LAUGHS .]
CALLED COWBOYZ WITH A 'Z.
'" [ LAUGHS .]
I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- [ LAUGHS .]
I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M ALSO -- MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A MY OTHER GIG IS I'M IN A HIP-HOP GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A "Z.
" GROUP CALLED COWBOYZ, WITH A "Z.
" "Z.
" "Z.
" "Z.
" YEAH.
"Z.
" YEAH.
"LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR YEAH.
"LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" "LET ME SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
RAPS RIGHT NOW.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF OUR RAPS? DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE OF OUR RAPS? YOU KNOW I DO.
OUR RAPS? YOU KNOW I DO.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU KNOW I DO.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS ONE'S CALLED [ LAUGHS .]
THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" WHA-- THIS ONE'S CALLED "WE DOGGY.
" GOOD LUCK.
"WE DOGGY.
" GOOD LUCK.
[ LAUGHS .]
GOOD LUCK.
[ LAUGHS .]
GET INTO IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
GET INTO IT.
OWN IT.
GET INTO IT.
OWN IT.
[ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES OWN IT.
[ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES DON'T YOU KNOW? [ Rapping .]
WE DOGGIES DON'T YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER .]
DON'T YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT THE FIRST LINE.
THAT'S THE -- I'VE ONLY GOT THE FIRST LINE.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! THE FIRST LINE.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! YOU CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OUT! [ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THUMBS DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
SAL, THE GUY WITH THE LOLLIPOP.
YES, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU? LOLLIPOP.
YES, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU? BELTS? BELTS? I MEAN, WE HAVE EVERYTHING HERE THAT YOU SEE.
I MEAN, WE HAVE EVERYTHING HERE THAT YOU SEE.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS THAT YOU SEE.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS BODY.
MEASURE EVERYTHING ON HIS BODY.
[ LAUGHS .]
BODY.
[ LAUGHS .]
AHH! [ LAUGHS .]
AHH! THE BELTS STRETCH AHH! THE BELTS STRETCH PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY THE BELTS STRETCH PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY USES IT.
PROPORTIONALLY TO HOW YOUR BODY USES IT.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU USES IT.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
MEASURE PROPERLY.
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU DO NIPPLE TO POCKET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO [ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO KNEE.
AND THEN YOU DO SHOULDER TO KNEE.
RIGHT? KNEE.
RIGHT? AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF RIGHT? AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF NOSE LIKE THAT.
AND THEN YOU DO EAR TO TIP OF NOSE LIKE THAT.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT NOSE LIKE THAT.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT THEM.
WELL, BECAUSE WE CUSTOM-FIT THEM.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? THEM.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE BACK OVER THE AND THEN IF YOU GO FROM THE BACK OVER THE [ LAUGHTER .]
BACK OVER THE [ LAUGHTER .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHS .]
AND THIS IS GONNA BE ABOUT 60.
[ LAUGHS .]
KEEP MEASURING.
[ LAUGHS .]
KEEP MEASURING.
KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
KEEP MEASURING.
KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE KEEP MEASURING, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE THAT, JUST TO SEE YOU WANT TO GO AROUND IT LIKE THAT, JUST TO SEE [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
OKAY.
WELCOME.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
BIG TEXAS WELCOME! BIG TEXAS WELCOME! OOH.
"HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHS .]
OOH.
"HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHS .]
HERE YOU GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HERE HE COMES.
SAL, THE NEXT PERSON THAT WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
WANT TO GIVE THEM A BIG TEXAS WELCOME.
OKAY.
WELCOME.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY YEAH.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY, "HOWDY [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
BIG TEXAS WELCOME! BIG TEXAS WELCOME! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! HERE YOU GO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
COMING IN! COMING IN! OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, NO.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY [BLEEP.]
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY [BLEEP.]
OH! HOWDY [BLEEP.]
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID IT.
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
[ DING! .]
I AIN'T LOSING IN TEXAS.
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Q.
YEAH? YEAH? YOU SEE THIS GUY WALKING DOWN YOU SEE THIS GUY WALKING DOWN THE AISLE? THE AISLE? GO IN THE OTHER AISLE AND PUSH GO IN THE OTHER AISLE AND PUSH BOOTS OUT TOWARD THIS GUY.
BOOTS OUT TOWARD THIS GUY.
"WE CAN'T KEEP THESE BOOTS ON "WE CAN'T KEEP THESE BOOTS ON THE SHELVES.
" THE SHELVES.
" "WITH PRICES LIKE THESE.
" "WITH PRICES LIKE THESE.
" DO YOU NEED HELP WITH DO YOU NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING, SIR, OR ARE YOU GOOD? OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? ANYTHING, SIR, OR ARE YOU GOOD? OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? YEAH.
OH, YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM? YEAH.
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
YEAH.
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL THE LUCCHESES LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THESE LOOK GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THESE LOOK GOOD.
I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I THESE LOOK GOOD.
I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE MEAN? OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS.
" OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"GHOSTBUSTERS.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU ONE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CLEANUP, AISLE SIX.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CLEANUP, AISLE SIX.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS GIRL.
"DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?" "DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?" EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU AT DO I LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU AT ALL? ALL? OH, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE OH, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.
BEFORE.
"NOT FROM THIS JOB.
" "NOT FROM THIS JOB.
" NOT FROM THIS JOB.
NOT FROM THIS JOB.
"THURSDAY NIGHTS, I DANCE AT "THURSDAY NIGHTS, I DANCE AT MILKING STUDS, THE STRIP CLUB MILKING STUDS, THE STRIP CLUB DOWN ON ROUTE 9.
" DOWN ON ROUTE 9.
" 'CAUSE 'CAUSE [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
THURSDAY NIGHT, I DANCE AT, THURSDAY NIGHT, I DANCE AT, UHTHIS MALE STRIP CLUB CALLED UHTHIS MALE STRIP CLUB CALLED MILKING STUDS.
MILKING STUDS.
HUH.
HUH.
"I COULD'VE SWORE YOU BOUGHT "I COULD'VE SWORE YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
" A DANCE FROM ME.
" YEAH, I COULD'VE SWORN THAT YEAH, I COULD'VE SWORN THAT YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
YOU BOUGHT A DANCE FROM ME.
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
JUST START PEELING YOUR VEST OFF SLOW.
JUST START PEELING YOUR VEST OFF SLOW.
TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
OFF SLOW.
TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW TAKE YOUR VEST OFF.
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER .]
AH, WELL, WE, YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YEAH, AND GRIND THE HIPS A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A LITTLE, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A GOOD SALE SELECTION.
YOU KNOW, WE DO -- WE HAVE A GOOD SALE SELECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD SALE SELECTION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UNBUTTON ONE AT A TIME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE CONSTIPATED.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE CONSTIPATED.
[ LAUGHS .]
CONSTIPATED.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SHOW HER THE BUTT! [ LAUGHTER .]
SHOW HER THE BUTT! YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? SHOW HER THE BUTT! YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU'RE 37 YEARS OLD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ DING! .]
OH, HE'S GOT THE STRUT.
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, Narrator: MURR COULDN'T BUST A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, HE'S DOING TIME.
A RHYME, SO ON THE LOSER BOARD, HE'S DOING TIME.
WE'RE AT THE HE'S DOING TIME.
WE'RE AT THE TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST WE'RE AT THE TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR TEJAS RODEO PAVILION, JUST MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR SUNGLASSES ON.
MOSEYING AROUND WITH OUR SUNGLASSES ON.
EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE SUNGLASSES ON.
EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE BEEN BLACKED OUT ON THE INSIDE, EXCEPT THESE SUNGLASSES HAVE BEEN BLACKED OUT ON THE INSIDE, SO WE CAN'T SEE A BLESSED THING.
THE OTHER GUYS WILL TELL US WHAT TO SAY, WHAT TO DO, AND WHAT TO SAY, WHAT TO DO, AND WHERE TO MOVE.
WHERE TO MOVE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU'RE YOU'LL HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD AND THEN DEAL WITH THE TOLD AND THEN DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
CONSEQUENCES.
IF YOU CAN'T, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T, YOU LOSE.
HEY, COWBOYS, IT ALL COMES HEY, COWBOYS, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS! DOWN TO THIS! [ ALL SCREAMING .]
HERE I GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
MURR, WALK STRAIGHT.
MURR, WALK STRAIGHT.
TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT.
TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
THE RIGHT.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
OKAY, STRAIGHT FROM THERE.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WATCH YOUR STEP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, YOU'RE ON THE MOON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
GO STRAIGHT.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT IS THIS? [ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET ON.
GET ON.
GET ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WASN'T THAT FUN? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WASN'T THAT FUN? TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
WASN'T THAT FUN? TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
[BLEEP.]
TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.
[BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! [BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! NO [BLEEP.]
IT'S A DAMN BULL! NO [BLEEP.]
JERKS! NO [BLEEP.]
JERKS! [ LAUGHTER .]
JERKS! [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
HEY! [BLEEP.]
HEY! [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY! [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT WAS GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT WAS GREAT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
THAT WAS GREAT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
NICE WORK, BOYS.
LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"EXCUSE ME, SIR.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"MA'AM.
" EXCUSE ME, SIR.
"MA'AM.
" MA'AM.
"MA'AM.
" MA'AM.
YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE MA'AM.
YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, HUH? YOU GUYS CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, HUH? [ GASPS .]
ALAMO, HUH? [ GASPS .]
YOU GUYS CL-- [ GASPS .]
YOU GUYS CL-- OH, MAN.
YOU GUYS CL-- OH, MAN.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
OH, MAN.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
HE'S NEVER GONNA SAY IT.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
BET YOU HE DOESN'T.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
TURN LEFT.
WELL, I BET YOU HE DOES.
TURN LEFT.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A TURN LEFT.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
IF HE SAYS IT, I'LL TAKE A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
THAT'S HOW [BLEEP.]
POSITIVE I KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA SAY THIS.
YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, RIGHT? YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER THE ALAMO, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING .]
ALAMO, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING .]
YES! WHY WOULD HE THINK HE'S NOT GONNA SAY IT? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING GONNA SAY IT? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
TO, YOU F-- IDIOT.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR TALKING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR TALKING.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
THANKS FOR TALKING.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING [ EXHALES DEEPLY .]
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
MURR, YOU MADE SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? AMAZING HAPPEN BACK HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE WHAT HAPPENED? Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
Q TOOK A LOSS ON THE WHOLE EPISODE.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
EPISODE.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
HE BET YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA SAY IT! I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GONNA SAY IT! YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SAY IT! YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SALOON, BUDDY.
YOU GOT TO STAY OUT OF THE SALOON, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SALOON, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: Q PUT HIS BOOT IN HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
HIS MOUTH, SO HE'S TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
LOSER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF HIS LIFE.
Q JUST MADE THE WORST BET OF HIS LIFE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HIS LIFE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I'M AN IDIOT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I'M AN IDIOT.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG I'M AN IDIOT.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
Q HAD THE EPISODE IN THE BAG AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS AND IS NOW THE LOSER.
SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS SO WE'RE HERE AT THE TEXAS RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
RODEO, AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
GO OUT THERE AND ROPE A CALF.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
SO, THAT'S IT, BUDDY.
YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL YOU'RE A RODEO CHAMP.
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE, TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO THEM ABOUT YOUR RODEO SKILLS, AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO SKILLS.
AND THEN SHOW THEM YOUR RODEO SKILLS.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, SKILLS.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS, ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ESPECIALLY THE LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BULLS MOO .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BULLS MOO .]
THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE [ BULLS MOO .]
THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND THESE PEOPLE WATCHING, THEY'RE WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
WATCHING REAL COWBOYS AND COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM COWGIRLS DO THEIR THING.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
THEN HERE COMES Q FROM STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.
I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU TO NOT MAKE STUPID BETS THAT LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU TO NOT MAKE STUPID BETS THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
HERE IT COMES.
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
IT'S YOU, BUDDY.
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
IT'S YOU, BUDDY.
[ SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYS .]
HOWDY, Y'ALL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER .]
I'M BRIAN QUINN.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER .]
I'M BRIAN QUINN.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M BRIAN QUINN.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK I'M FROM A LITTLE PLACE CALLED STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK CITY, THAT IS.
STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK CITY, THAT IS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CITY, THAT IS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, [ LAUGHTER .]
AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, TOO.
BUT WE HAVE THE RODEO UP THERE, TOO.
[ LAUGHS .]
TOO.
[ LAUGHS .]
NO, WE DON'T.
[ LAUGHS .]
NO, WE DON'T.
AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
NO, WE DON'T.
AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE AND I'M AN EXPERT AT IT.
WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT WE ALL KNOW THAT RODEO IS THE ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
ACT OF SITTING ON AN ANIMAL THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND I DO THAT WELL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND I DO THAT WELL.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I AND I DO THAT WELL.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I BECOME THE CHAMPION.
I USUALLY SIT ON ANIMALS UNTIL I BECOME THE CHAMPION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHO AM I? "I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" "I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
" I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! I'M RODEO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! [ FEEDBACK .]
WORLD! [ FEEDBACK .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ FEEDBACK .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS OFF TO SOMEONE? CAN I GET A ROPE AND HAND THIS OFF TO SOMEONE? [ LAUGHTER .]
OFF TO SOMEONE? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A CALF.
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, GO ROPE A CALF.
THANKS, BUD.
CALF.
THANKS, BUD.
OKAY.
THANKS, BUD.
OKAY.
OH, OKAY.
OKAY.
OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, YEAH.
GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD [ LAUGHTER .]
HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD THE ROPE! HE CORRECTED THE WAY TO HOLD THE ROPE! HE WASN'T EVEN -- THE ROPE! HE WASN'T EVEN -- ALL RIGHT, COW.
HE WASN'T EVEN -- ALL RIGHT, COW.
[ COW MOOS .]
ALL RIGHT, COW.
[ COW MOOS .]
I LOVE ANIMALS.
[ COW MOOS .]
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I LOVE YOU.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A I LOVE YOU.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A BILLION YEARS.
I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IN A BILLION YEARS.
YOU DON'T HURT ME.
BILLION YEARS.
YOU DON'T HURT ME.
HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T YOU DON'T HURT ME.
HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT -- HERE'S THE PART Q DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT -- TEXAS JUSTICE.
KNOW ABOUT -- TEXAS JUSTICE.
YEAH! TEXAS JUSTICE.
YEAH! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
YEAH! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
WHOA! WHOA! [ GATE CLANGS OPEN .]
WHOA! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! WHOA! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! GET THE -- GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! GET THE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
GET THE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
WHOA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
WHOA! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHOA! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DON'T -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ARE YOU [BLEEP.]
KIDDING ME? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! YES! CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! YES! YEE-HAW! [ LAUGHTER .]
"IT AIN'T NEW YORK ANYMORE.
" [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
"IT AIN'T NEW YORK ANYMORE.
" [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
YEE-HAW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
YEE-HAW! WELL, THAT IS TEXAS.
YEE-HAW! WELL, THAT IS TEXAS.
OHH.