Kickin' It (2011) s03e09 Episode Script

Wasabi! All right, guys.
Who's ready to sign up? Who's just here for the free jock strap? Whoa! They took every jock strap in the box.
I think they even got the one I was wearing.
Every month, Rudy forces us to do these lame promotions down the street from the Black Dragons to drum up business.
But it never works.
He's probably preparing his latest desperate attempt to spread the word about The Bobby Wasabi Dojo.
Behold Wasab-a-Saurus! If you think this thing's awesome, well, come check out the monster deals at The Bobby Wasabi Dojo! Dojo dojo That is awesome! Rudy, where'd you get this thing? I rented it at Bed, Bath, and Monster Trucks.
And by parking out here in front of the Black Dragon Dojo, people will be talking about us instead of them.
Ooh! Ooh! You guys want me to rev this baby up, get some attention? - No! - On it! I got myself a gift for dealing with my midlife crisis so well.
That car outside.
It's half Jaguar, half Lamborghini.
It's a Jag-a-Weenie.
Look what you did to my dojo.
You should see what I did to your Jag-a-Weenie.
- Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Rudy put his foot on the gas, lost control, and destroyed their dojo.
Sam, why don't you go play with your friends? I don't have any friends.
Then do what I do and make some up.
It's going to take two weeks to repair the Black Dragon Dojo.
So, in the meantime, you are going to let them train here.
Absolutely not.
Fine, then you can pay the $50,000 in damages.
- I love company.
- Good.
- Ty.
- Kai? - Hi.
- Why?! Dragons! Drag-ify! Milton, what are you doing? What are you talking about? I'm trying to Holy Christmas nuts! I've been drag-ified.
Hello there, Kai.
I haven't seen you since you cheated in that tournament and almost killed me.
Eh, I'm back in town.
I heard the Black Dragons were your mortal enemy.
That was good enough for me.
This shelf is the perfect place for my ant farm.
I just have to get rid of this stupid weed.
Hey! This is an ancient Bonsai Tree given to me by a Tibetan Monk.
It's a symbol of patience, calmness, and peace.
And if you so much as touch it, I will use it to break your face! I really can't believe I have to say this, but I just found out my parents aren't going out of town, so the party's off.
No, no, no! The party can't be off.
We just gotta find another place to have it.
Uh Who are you? You're funny, Malcolm.
I'm Sam.
So you're the cool kids and I'm sitting with you.
I must be one of the cool kids.
Wilson, bounce him.
You, me, Saturday night, my mansion? Shh! Don't let words spoil what we have.
Oww! All right, next time, just use your words.
Hey, Malcolm, what if I told you that this Saturday you could throw your party at my mansion? I'd say, "welcome to the cool kids' table".
Somebody ate my empanadas! They were in the refrigerator with my name on them.
My grandmother made them for me and somebody just ate them.
I'd tell your grandma a little more empa, a little less nada.
The Black Dragons have been hogging the shower.
I had to bathe in the fountain.
The fountain where everyone throws their coins? Yeah! Don't ask me how.
But I just coughed and made change for a dollar.
Frank is creeping me out.
I mean, just because we're sharing a locker, he's acting like we're married.
Jack, get up here and demonstrate a proper dragon kick.
Stop! Come on, guys, you're Senseis.
You know he's right, we shouldn't be fighting in front of the students.
- Parking lot of Jones Beach? - You're on.
Can I get a ride? My car is in the shop.
So is mine.
We'll take my bike, but you're riding in the basket.
That's how I like it.
Kickin' it with you! And this is my Throne Room.
That is the coolest chair I've ever seen.
Chair? No, this is the world's first motorized throne that is completely powered By Electric Egyptian catfish.
You said you were cool.
I didn't know you were this cool.
Oh, yeah that's because I have what they call "it".
And my doctor says it may clear up or it may not.
Uh, hey, Bobby, I'm trying to make some new friends.
Will you let me throw a party here? Absolutely not! Trust me, Sam friends are overrated.
All you need in life is yourself.
- Really? - Definitely.
Ha! What's a friend good for? A kind word? A gesture of support? That toothy smile that just says, "hang in there, Champ!" Oh! Yes, of course you can have your party here.
Thanks, Bobby.
You're my best friend.
I do have a friend.
You were wrong, mother! You are so pathetic.
You have the nerve to follow me to the movie theater after I kicked your butt at Jones Beach? First of all, I kicked your butt.
And I didn't follow you here.
I am meeting my date who's a girl and who exists.
Is this your first time seeing "Kung Fu Farm" starring martial arts legend J.
J.
Bland? Yeah, it would be if it was eight times ago.
- It's like nine times for me, so - Huh.
I love it when the mystical warrior takes over the rooster's body, and corners the evil farmer in the hen house and says Prepare to cock-a-doodle-die! Uh, Rudy, those guys just cut you.
Uh excuse me, Sir, you can't Huh that was a pretty sweet back fist to knee you had there.
Thank you.
Your crane technique was flawless.
What do you say when we get in there we share a popcorn? Ah, no, I don't buy popcorn.
I make it fresh with my pants popper.
I'm so getting one of those.
That's it, Dennis! You used my soap on a rope.
That's your pit hair.
I know it's not mine.
I checked.
All three are still there.
Let's go! Oh, hon! Mother wants you to wear this dress when we go antiquing.
It's lovely.
I want to use that dummy.
Step off.
And what makes you think I'm just gonna step aside because you want to use this punching dummy? Because with one kick, I can make you gargle your kidneys.
Okay, we understand each other.
Hey, what are you doing? Jerry was using this dummy.
I can do what I want.
I'm the best student in the dojo, Jack.
Oh, you think you're the best student in the dojo, huh? - Yeah yeah.
- You want to prove it? Big news, everybody.
Me and my new best friend Ty, have decided to join forces and combine our dojos - Permanently! - What?! Which means we're all one big, happy family.
And now, popcorn for everyone.
Kickin' it with you! I can't take this anymore! I'm getting mail addressed to "Mr.
& Mrs.
Frank Bickle".
That's me.
Mrs.
Bickle.
We should probably keep this with our phone bill, hon.
Calm down, it's only a matter of time before Rudy and Ty remember that they can't stand each other.
Uh Please tell me there were other people in there dancing with you.
- No.
- No.
We were practicing for our square dancing date with the Delmonico twins tonight.
All right, we have to work together to drive our Senseis apart.
Nothing on Earth could ever make me team up with you.
All right, bring it in, people.
Because we are one dojo now, we got a new wall mural.
It's half Rudy and half me.
Eh? Huh? - Hey, Jack.
- Yeah? I'm in.
Nachos! Word to the wise they've got quite a kick to 'em.
I make them with a single drop of my Bobby Wa-hot-y sauce.
Whoa, your dad's at the party? Lame.
No, he's not my dad.
He's my - Mother.
- Butler.
Butler.
Right.
Definitely Butler.
Bobbington.
Bobbington the Butler.
That is who I am to the boy.
You've got your own Butler? That's awesome.
That means he has to do anything we tell him.
Okay, Bobbington, drink this bottle of Wa-hot-y sauce.
Bobbington - You don't have to drink that bottle - I thought you were cool, Sam.
Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here.
Wait wait wait wait wait! Sam is cool.
I'll show you just how cool he is.
Fire in the hole! Spicy! Ty's ants are Chinese wood-eating ants.
And they love Bonsai Tree's.
But it makes them sick.
Great, so when Rudy sees his beloved tree's been destroyed, he'll blame Ty.
And when Ty's ants get sick, he'll blame Rudy.
Then Ty will want us to leave this smelly dump.
Uh, excuse me? Okay, this place happens to be oh, no, you're right.
- They're coming.
- They're coming, they're coming! - They're coming.
- Franklin.
Sorry, dear.
Hey, what's up, guys? You guys have a good time dancing with the Delmonico twins? You know, we were so excited about the dance, we forgot to pick 'em up.
I don't know.
Ty! Your ants got out and ate my beautiful Bonsai.
You must not have put the cover back on when you fed them.
Look how sick my ants are.
They're swelling up with gas.
They got the Bonsai Bloats.
You you! You have suffered an unimaginable loss.
Huh? As have you.
You know, it's times like these that make you realize how important it is to have such good friends.
My poor ants.
Their little ant bodies have no holes.
So eventually they'll just Pop! It's starting.
Excuse me, everybody.
To celebrate our first week together, Ty and I will be right back with a little surprise.
Although now it's not as much a surprise because we just told you about it.
But you still don't know it's a cake.
Ha! I'll say it.
I'm not crazy about the company.
But Krupnicks love their crab legs.
Ah! You just hit me with that crab leg.
You're done, dork.
You probably shouldn't have done that.
But I'm actually glad you did.
Let's just stay out of it.
- Hon? - That's it.
How's that, hon? You know, I thought the kids were going to have a hard time getting along, but I think they're really following our example.
Surprise! They started it.
I have never been so disappointed.
You people should be ashamed.
You're going to pay for every bit of damage that you caused.
Does anyone have anything to say? I do.
This raspberry lemon chiffon cake is to die for.
We should have this for our wedding, hon.
Why wait? - Guys, Bobbington has had enough.
- Oh! You've already made him a paintball target - Ah! - Jumped on him like a trampoline.
- Ow! - And turned him Into a human piñata.
About that the things that fell out of me I'm going to need them back.
Congrats, Sam.
You're one of the cool kids now.
Thanks, Bobby.
I just thought of something that we could do with one of those electric catfish.
Hey, Bobbington.
Drop one down your pants.
But each one is 1,000 slimy volts.
Fish pants Now! Very well.
We are not putting an electric catfish down Bobby's pants.
Come on, Sam.
He's just the Butler.
No, he's not.
He's a lot more than a Butler.
He's Bobby Wasabi! Millionaire, great martial artist, once famous movie star.
I'm still huge in France.
And my best friend.
He was helping me try to impress you.
I don't want to be friends with you.
Whatever, loser.
We're out of here.
I'm sorry, Bobby.
I don't need friends like that.
- I got you.
- Hmm.
You know Sam, I am proud to be your friend.
I better put him back.
Get it off! Get it off! Thank you, friend.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you! Everybody, listen up.
Until you kids can get along, Rudy and I have decided to give you the silent treatment.
Uh, what's the silent treatment, you ask? It's when we say nothing to you.
Not a single word, and it starts now.
Hang on, there is one thing that we did leave out.
I too will be giving the silent treatment.
Starting now.
You know I'm sorry, I forgot there's one other thing I need to say.
Actually you go ahead then I have something after you.
You know, we were thinking about it and you guys were right.
You guys have been enemies your entire lives.
But you put your differences aside and we should have learned from your example.
And as a symbol of our two dojos coming together in peace, we got you a gift.
Be a monkey, be a monkey, be a monkey! Guys, come on.
It's a ranking board.
Oh! I always wanted one of these.
- Come on, guys.
- Oh! Put your belts up there.
Uh, Rudy, you put yours on the top rung there, buddy.
There you go.
Yeah, of course, friend.
When we were students, the grand master gave me the higher ranking.
Uh, that is true, pal o' mine.
But last year at regionals, I outranked you.
That's because you used an illegal sweep kick.
That's it! So we go back to hating each other now? - Absolutely.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yep.
- Get out.
Kickin' it with you! Aw! What are you doing here? I ran into the Delmonico twins.
They were pretty upset that we stood them up.
I figured the least we could do was give them one dance.
I suppose you're right.
Yee-ha!