Magnum, P.I. (1980) s03e09 Episode Script
Mr. White Death
I'm really looking for my boy.
Maybe you can help me.
I knew I didn't like this place.
Hey, guys.
Maybe we can talk about this? He says he'll take us for a steak and he brings us here.
- You're a wrestler? - Yeah.
Mr.
White Death, Doctor Of Destruction.
- The Mag's putting me up.
- The Mag? I don't appreciate you harassing me.
The only father I ever knew is dead.
Is he really looking for his son or is he having me set somebody up? I want my boy! Hey, Signor Marchese, what a pleasure to see ya.
How you doin', Joey? Hey, I'm doin', I'm doin'.
Have a seat, signor, no waiting.
Make yourself comfortable.
OK.
Just, you know gimme the usual.
You've got it, signor, you've got it.
Say, you see the Gianelli fight Saturday night? No, I missed it.
That bum went down.
In the tank.
Yeah, I heard.
You didn't miss much.
You didn't miss a thing.
Well, I've been down in Havana for the last two weeks on business.
Those boys, those boys know how to live.
I mean they really got a handle on what life's all about, you know what I mean? Hey.
You oughta go, Joey.
I mean, I got a casino, I got a hotel.
I'd get you all the broads and all the rum you can use.
It's on me.
Go ahead, it'll make you feel young again.
Yeah, yeah.
Excuse a moment, I'm out of tonic, I gotta go in the back room.
OK, all right.
Make it quick.
I'll be right back.
It's your favorite kind.
and it'll do you a worid of good.
Joey? Mm! This shave's on Dominic.
You remember him, Sal? He's a good friend of yours.
- Wait here.
I'll be right back.
- Yeah, anything you say.
He says he'll take us for a steak and he brings us here.
Bet you the beef here bites back.
Just gimme a minute.
I've gotta talk to a guy.
Then we'll go to the steakhouse, OK? Enjoy the show.
The show? You owe me five big ones, Harry.
- I know.
You'll get it.
- You've been telling me that for six months.
Come on, buddy.
I'm a little bit short.
Come on, Harry.
I look around, it looks like you're doing real well here.
A debt's a debt and I don't wanna get stiffed.
You got it? Who's talking stiff? Ladies and gentlemen, time has run out.
We have a decision in this match between Big Zongo, The Fire God Of Bali, and the contender from New Jersey, Mr.
White Death, The Doctor Of Destruction, The Surgeon Of Pain.
This match it's a draw! What? Oh, I can't bel A draw? My man definitely had that man down there.
Break it up.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't press me.
You're on my turf now, huh? I know, Harry.
That's why I brought a couple of my friends.
You shouldn't have done that.
Are you nuts? What are you? Take it easy.
What's going on here? - Ladies and gentlemen - I knew I didn't like this place.
In this corner, Come On, I Wanna Kill Ya.
Hey, guys.
Maybe we can talk about this.
- Will you have a beer? - Sure.
Good idea.
Tomorrow.
Hey.
That ain't fair! That takes care of that.
- Thanks.
- I just didn't like the odds.
Steak dinner! Turkey! That's some uppercut you've got, pal.
Thanks.
- My name's Earl.
- Thomas Magnum.
- T.
C.
- Rick.
Thanks for helping us out.
Maybe you can do the same for me someday.
Sure.
How about right now? I'm hungry.
Let's go get some sushi.
- Actually, we were going out for steaks.
- Come on, sushi's better for you.
Well OK.
Great.
Er He won't be doing more than vanilla malts for the next two days.
You two go ahead.
I've kinda lost my appetite.
Guys! Hey! I'll be changed in a minute.
Great.
Great.
Yeah.
It was in Nagasaki, about '56, '57.
I'm wrestling this big sumo wrestler.
Now, you think I'm big.
Woo-hoo! Just a little bit more.
Just put down a bit more.
That's it.
Now, this sumo wrestler must have checked in at about 450.
I mean, before breakfast.
Thanks a lot.
Now, I'm playing the good part, you know, Mr.
White Death! - Doctor Of Destruction, Surgeon Of Pain.
- You got it.
All right.
Well, might just as well, eh? OK.
So Anyway, this sumo wrestler's jumping up and down on me, but he ain't hurting me - cinch stuff, you know.
Then it comes my turn to trip him, when he falls.
Then I got him, you know, in a leg lock.
I'm giving it It don't matter.
I'll use a spoon.
I got him in a leg lock, you see, and suddenly I noticed that the guy ain't moving very much anymore.
So I kinda lean back a little bit to check him out, and I see this guy is dead.
He had a heart attack.
And here I am, sitting in the middle of a ring, surrounded by 5,000 of his followers, and I got a dead sumo wrestler.
- What happened? - What happened? I'm scared to death, man.
My heart is going like the Coney Island Express and I got no more tokens.
And then I look up and I hear a lot of chanting going on, and they're saying something like - What's that mean? - What's it mean? It means, "Kill the jerk.
" Oh.
"Oh" is right.
And it could've been worse.
But by the time the guys realized it's for real, the eighth army came in and got me out, no problem.
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mm, good.
So what's your dodge, Mag? - My dodge? - Mm.
Oh, my dodge.
- I'm a private investigator.
- A what? A private investigator.
You gotta be kidding.
A gumshoe? You know, this is really my lucky night.
You can really help me.
I mean really help me in a big way.
- I don't know - Wait a minute.
You've just saved me a long walk through the Yellow Pages.
Now, let me tell you.
You know, I've been all around this worid and I've done a lot of things that I would like to forget.
And when you reach a certain age, you just like to even things up, know what I mean? That's why I'm here, to even things up.
You see I'm really looking for my boy.
And And maybe you can help me find him.
His name's Phil.
- Phil? - Yeah.
- How old is he? - 36.
Well, he's only ten there.
Yeah.
But you see, I left him and his mother high and dry.
You know, one summer night on Brighton Beach I ain't seen neither one of them since.
- Are they here in Hawaii? - Well, he is.
Since '61.
I just found out about it a month or so ago.
Imagine, not seeing him all these years.
I can see that look on your face.
I know what you must be thinking, but I had reasons.
Believe me, I had reasons.
My wife is dead now and all I got left is my son.
Elaine, my wife, married another guy out here and and my boy took over his name, but but that don't matter with me.
I just wanna see him, I just wanna see him one more time if he'll see me.
Will you help me? Well, it's not gonna be that easy.
You can do it, Mag.
Please, try, will you? You can find him.
I don't even want to talk to him, that ain't important.
All I want to do is see him.
Just see him.
I remember when I was five years old, I found this little puppy in the street.
It had been hit by a car and was in pretty bad shape, so I brought it home and my dad and I took it to the vet.
120 bucks.
The little puppy grew into a big St.
Bernard.
It ate a $500 couch and my dad's favorite armchair.
The next day, my dad put it in the backyard where it dug a hole through the fence and ran away.
Ever since then, I've been wary about taking in big, adorable pups.
One of life's lessons you just have to keep learning, over and over again.
- I'll get my key and we'll go right up.
- Hey! - What? - Mr.
White Death.
What do you mean, "what"? You owe me six days.
Well Look, I told you, we don't get paid at the club until Friday.
Besides Besides nothing.
You don't even have a job.
Harry Meacham called me and told me that you were fired for trashing his club.
So, I took the liberty of taking $33 out of your sock, and bringing your stuff down.
Sayonara, pal.
Listen.
Look.
I I got a bout coming up in two days at the arena.
$500.
You think you can give me a break? No.
No.
Earl - got any money now? - Oh, sure, but it's all tied up in stocks and bonds.
That's just a bad joke, pal.
You know this burg pretty good - you got any idea where I could stay? This was one of those rare mornings I was up early.
It wasn't so much a zest for life as it was Earl's snoring.
Like the barking of that St.
Bernard - it was driving me crazy.
Fortunately, Earl was only going to be here a couple of days.
Just till I found his son.
Oh, my God! Zeus, Apollo, stay.
- I demand to know the meaning of this.
- Meaning of what? This man's destruction of estate property.
Destruction? He was skipping rope.
Skipping rope? - On the dirt.
- That is not dirt.
That is freshly cultivated soil.
Under that soil are 36 anthurium scherzerianum bulbs imported from Holland in a specially treated container at substantial expense to the estate.
Well, I'm sorry, I didn't know about them - shez the bulbs.
- He didn't.
It does look like dirt.
Excuse me, but do you think you can get rid of all those teeth? Zeus, Apollo, patrol.
Earl? Oh.
Magnum, I presume this man is your guest, then so is the responsibility for his actions.
- Wait a minute, I pay my own way.
- That's all right.
This is Higgins.
He kind of runs the place.
Earl - Sepekis.
- Sepekis.
He's kind of a client.
The Mag's putting me up for a couple of days.
The Mag! How magnanimous.
However, I think you'll find that a rather expensive gesture.
Wait a minute.
Ain't that the sign of the You ever know a guy by the name of Bostwick? Corky Bostwick.
- We were stationed at Quang Ju together.
- Really? You guys got the same tailor.
We served in the same regiment.
The Prince of Wales', West Yorkshire.
Yeah.
I tell you, that Corky was a helluva guy.
- You knew Corky Bostwick? - Knew him? Are you kidding? We wrestled through half of South America.
Corky Bostwick, The One-Legged Limey.
Sure, we was a team, boy.
After our routine was finished, he'd take off his peg leg and start beating me over the head with it.
People loved it.
I've always wondered what became of Corky.
- Yeah.
- He took a terrible hit in Anzio.
Then we seemed to lose touch with him.
We heard rumors, though.
- You're a wrestler? - Yeah.
Professional? Oh, hey, Mr.
White Death, Doctor Of Destruction, Surgeon Of Earl is in Hawaii looking for his son and I'm helping out.
Corky was regimental champion.
Did he mention a Jonathan Higgins to you? Higgins? No, but he spoke a lot about a guy called Percy Eldridge.
Puddinghead Eldridge.
My God, that brings back memories.
I remember in the Sahara, Puddinghead, Corky and I were on patrol, we were lost, actually.
And Puddinghead found the camel, and the three of you rode back to the oasis.
Sure I remember that.
It's extraordinary.
Hey wait a minute.
I I know who you are now.
You're Punky.
Punky?! I say, Magnum, do you mind? Me? Of course not Punky! If you'll excuse us.
Come, Mr.
Sepekis.
We'll have breakfast on the patio.
I fancy myself a bit of a wrestling aficionado.
There was a time in Liverpool in '51 or was it '52? Well, it doesn't matter.
The first time I had seen a professional match, lvan Karamazov, The Russian Bear.
Yeah.
A dirty fighter.
Real dirty, that lvan.
One of the aspects of modern society that you just can't get away from, is the fact that every important milestone in your life - births, marriages, deaths - is recorded on a computer.
Next.
Your whole life kept for anybody to see.
That's why I figured it'd be a real snap reuniting the old wrestler with his long-lost son Phil.
Kind of gave me a warm feeling.
Next.
Excuse me.
Could you save my place in line? Hi.
Thank you.
Records, Ms.
Jones.
Yes.
Ray! Why are you calling me here, Ray? No.
That's just not fair, Ray, I can't deal with that.
It's just not fair.
Who is she, Ray? I got a right to know, you know.
Please.
After two good months, you're just gonna walk out on me? I wanna know who it is.
I've got a right to know.
No.
That tramp.
I'm sorry.
I know how hard Why don't you mind your own business? What do you want? I want access to the microfilm room.
I want to examine the marriage records from 1961- 64.
Fill these out.
Then follow the blue painted line to the cashier's window.
Then the green line back here.
And then the red line to the microfilm room.
Well, I hope Next.
I admit the whole morning was a major inconvenience.
Being a private investigator entails a lot of this kind of procedure.
It's not all screeching tires and glamorous ladies, and I still had that warm feeling about the whole thing.
Next.
Records.
Ms.
Jones.
Ray why are you torturing me like this? Four hours later, I came out with a name - Phil Lewis.
Earl's son had taken the name of his stepfather and despite everything, despite the hassle and inconvenience, I still had that warm feeling - a feeling of accomplishing something, of being one step closer to bringing people together instead of breaking them up on a seamy divorce case.
All those hours and minutes I spent at the Hall of Records was worth it.
Finally, I get to the cashier's window, but they say, "You've gotta have the exact change.
" But I already blew that on the parking meter.
Anyway, finally I get back to Ms.
Jones, when her boyfriend calls, she goes to pieces again, they take her to the employees' lounge, I never see her again, but at least I got the name.
But finding him - that's gonna be something else.
Phil Lewis.
124 Kalakaua Street.
He sells insurance.
That warm feeling was back.
I couldn't wait to see the look on Phil's face when I told him I'd found his father.
My father's dead.
I think there's some mistake.
- You are Phil Lewis? - Yes.
Your mother's name was Elaine, your father's name was Earl? My father's name was James.
He's been dead for about two years.
You're making a mistake.
I don't think so.
Mr.
Lewis, I've been to the Hall of Records, I know your mother's maiden name and that the man in that picture is your stepfather.
I'm here to talk about Earl.
What are you after, Mr.
Magnum? - What are you trying to pull? - The two of you together.
Look.
Earl asked me to find you.
He's a little apprehensive.
He's scared.
- This is very difficult for him.
- I'm sure it is.
What does my father look like? Well, he's heavy-set, silver-haired, in his fifties.
As you can see, the resemblance is overwhelming - especially since the man you're talking about doesn't exist.
Who are you really working for, Mr.
Magnum? - I told you.
- No, I don't think so.
I don't appreciate you coming in here and harassing me.
Tell whoever's paying you that the only father I ever knew is dead.
- That's about as clear as I can make it.
- Or wanna make it.
His license checks out.
Thomas Magnum, private eye.
Investigator.
Thank you, Cora.
Look, Magnum, maybe you're legitimate, but whoever hired you isn't.
You may use this bedroom.
It's Mr.
Masters' favorite.
Now, listen, you don't have to go to all that trouble for me.
Nonsense.
I want your stay here to be of the utmost comfort.
To think you had to share the guesthouse last night.
Well, I hope you'll enjoy this room.
Rest now and I'll see you at dinner.
Afterwards, we can play billiards and exchange reminiscences.
- Oh, I'd like that.
- Until then.
Until then! I'll see you.
That's it.
Ride 'im, tiger, ride 'im! That's what we call a Tasmanian tiger dance.
That was great.
Lemme see you guys do another one.
All right.
Your turn.
My turn? Yeah.
Well, there's no substitute for experience, you know.
That's right.
Um But I just like to watch.
You got to learn how to defend yourself.
That way you won't have to depend on your friends all the time to defend you.
All you gotta do is relax.
You won't get hurt.
That's the whole idea.
Relax, kind of, like, meditate.
Yeah.
That's right.
You know, I never thought of it that way.
Come on, let's meditate.
Whoa.
Wait a minute.
- Come on.
- Wait a minute! Wait! You all right, buddy? How d'you like it? It was just fine.
Just fine, Earl.
Great.
Now I'm gonna show you the Detroit death grip.
Detroit death grip? Magnum, really! We had the brakes done three weeks ago.
Are you related to the mechanic? - Where's Earl? - On the lawn, on the windward side.
He's instructing Rick and T.
C.
In the fine art of "eating the canvas", as he puts it.
I say, your face is even more blank than usual.
Did you encounter some difficulty in locating Earl's son? Yes.
I mean no.
Well, I'm - I mean, I don't know.
- Well put.
Well, Higgins, his son just told me that he wasn't his son.
And he got suspicious.
Even ran a make on my license.
Quite commendable, actually.
- So now you're questioning Earl's motives? - I'm questioning if Earl is really Earl.
It wouldn't be the first time a client wasn't straight with me.
If Earl really is Earl, is he really looking for his son, or is he just having me set somebody up? - Magnum! - Come to think of it Wait a minute.
I remember Earl saying he didn't even have to meet his son, just see him.
Even for you, I find this attitude quite callous, possibly even paranoid.
Earl, in his own way, is a gentleman.
Well, what would you do? Well, I must say it does present an interesting dilemma.
I remember once when the regiment was stationed in Rangoon life was quiet, peaceful, tranquil, until Lieutenant Hilton-Thorpe was transferred in.
Then it became a ghastly and depressing business.
Hey, Mag! Well, how did it go? Well - Don't worry about us.
We're just leaving.
- No.
- Let's practice our Tasmanian tiger dance.
- Who, me? Yes, you, tiger.
It goes like this.
Did you find him? - I think so.
- You think so? Well, what? Where is he? Well, he's here in Honolulu just like you said.
Great, great! Only the guy that I met said his father's dead.
He was killed in Miami in a traffic accident Well, you can see for yourself, I'm still breathing.
Where is he? You gotta level with me, Earl.
I did some checking.
If you've got a past, nobody seems to know it.
And the name Sepekis dead-ended in San Diego a month ago.
I don't know who you are.
Or even if he is your son.
Look, Mag you gotta believe me when I tell you this.
I can't tell you who I am, or where I've been.
It just don't matter.
You just gotta believe that I'm Phil's pop.
That's not good enough, Earl.
You could've found him yourself, it wasn't hard.
One of you isn't telling the truth.
Why do you need an intermediary? I told you! It happened such a long time ago You don't believe me, do you? You just don't trust me, do you? You don't trust me.
Look, Mag, I don't wanna hurt you.
Great.
I don't want to hurt you either.
But I want my boy.
I want the truth! I want my boy! Now, tell me, where is he? Where is he? Isn't that the Omaha powerdriver? No, that's the Detroit death grip and it looks like he's doing it for real.
Hey! Get outta here.
What are you doing to him? - You're fired! - I quit! And you tell him I'm still alive and that I tried! Rick? I think we better get him inside.
He'll be seeing little birdies for a week.
I'll see ya.
Philip.
- What's wrong? - What? What is the problem? The problem is, Punky nobody gives a damn.
Nobody trusts anybody anymore.
Nobody knows what it means to be a friend.
That's the problem.
- Where are you going? - It don't matter.
Oh.
Well how is our pugilist doing? He obviously has what you Yanks call a glass jaw.
Glass jaw? This boy's jaw is pure crystal, one punch and he's out like a light.
Why wouldn't Earl level with me? The man's trying to hide something.
You did the right thing by not telling him about his son.
Perhaps.
But then again, Earl obviously thought he was doing the right thing, too.
The word honor is more than a dusty inscription on some pieces of parchment.
For some of us it is a way of life.
I doubt we'll ever find out the real truth.
I know him.
I know him.
I know who he is.
He's Earl Gianelli.
I shoulda known.
He was a contender back in the '50s.
I knew that uppercut from someplace.
- But I can't believe he's here wrestling.
- Why should that be so incomprehensible? Many boxers, unable to do anything else, end their careers as wrestlers.
It's common.
- Not if they've got a price on their head.
- A price? What are you talking about? - Sounds like trouble.
- It is for Earl.
He's the guy who knocked off Sal Marchese back in '55 in a barber chair.
Who is Sal Marchese? Sal Marchese was the head of the Miami branch of the Family.
But Earl wouldn't cooperate, so they killed Earl's manager, who was his best friend, just to teach him a lesson.
After that, Earl disappeared.
And ever since then, they've had a permanent contract out on his head.
That's why he's been wrestling in dives all this time, because he knew if he showed up anywhere, anytime, he'd be a dead man.
Every once in a while, something will happen that will totally jolt your sense of right and wrong, like watching a buddy take an uppercut to the jaw that had your name on it.
Something hard and direct that tends to bring back a sense of reality, reminds you that all endings aren't happy, that no matter how hard we try, we're all going to fail sometime, somehow.
Except my little voice was telling me that's a cop-out.
You can always try just one more thing.
The car was a rental and the guys in it had to be out-of-staters.
I can tell because of all the dumb stickers plastered on it like, "I'd rather be riding a mule on Molokai.
" So I figured it wouldn't be much of a problem losing a couple of bozos with six hours' worth of jet lag on their minds.
But then, on the other hand, why bother? As near as I could figure it, there was only one way they could have been put onto me in the first place.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Lewis has gone for the day.
Cora, let's try that again.
I'll bet you made a mistake.
I'll bet you Phil is right inside that nice little office of his.
If you'll excuse me.
How much are they paying you, Cora? - I don't know what you're talking about.
- Just by the day, week, the year? A little moonlighting for the Mob to pay your way through college? Mr.
Magnum, you're crazy.
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I was just imagining the two guys that have been tailing me ever since you ran a make on me.
Ever since I came into this office trying to reunite a dead boxer with his son.
Congratulations, Cora.
You hit the jackpot - payday.
This man's crazy.
Go ahead.
Stick your head out that window, Mr.
Lewis.
Go ahead.
You'll see a blue Sedan with two guys next to it who are keen on meeting Earl Gianelli.
Big fans.
Cora can tell you their names.
Really, I don't have to listen to this.
Cora? Cora? Are you gonna let her get away? You can't.
No, I won't.
Hello, Cora.
- Who are you? - We're from Miami.
Somebody wants to talk to you.
Real bad.
This way, please.
Please, take your hands off me.
Sure.
- She was a plant.
- Cora's worked for me for three years, I can't believe that.
Believe it.
These guys probably met her at lunch one day.
They told her to keep an eye out for a face, a name.
Your father.
There were bucks in it, she didn't know any better.
Look, I'm not a cop and I don't work for the Mob, I'm here to finish the job that Earl Gianelli hired me to do.
The best help you can give the both of us is just stay out of it.
I will just as soon as I get the two of you connected.
You can't.
Not now, not ever.
It's been a long hard road for him.
Your father's getting old - that's why he came to Hawaii.
Look, that's why I'm here to get as far away from him as I possibly can.
I grew up thinking my dad had run out on me.
You know, I woke up one morning and he was gone.
He was supposed to take me to a ball game, but we didn't make it.
I wish he could have taken me to that game, but I understand why he didn't.
My mother told me the truth about that before she died.
And I also know that if I ever let him get near me, then he's dead.
Look, Magnum, all I'm trying to do is keep him alive.
Why don't you let me take care of that? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner and new heavyweight champion of Hawaii, on a disqualification Where is he? Back there.
We finally got you, Gianelli.
Yee-ah! Hold it.
Go straight to Gate 12 and wait there.
Gate 12.
Goodbye, old chap.
Goodbye Punky.
Oh, and say goodbye to Magnum, too, all right? All right.
So long.
Flight 121 for San Francisco now loading at Gate 12.
Last call for flight 121 to San Francisco.
Hey! Hey, Mag, come here.
Pop.
I'm I'm sorry we missed that ball game.
Sometimes you get rained out.
Flight 121, the doors are closing.
Last call.
Come with me, Phil.
Come with me.
I can't and you know that.
I'll write you.
I'll write you.
You can't.
They'll just find out where you are.
Maybe someday we'll make that ball game, huh, son? Yeah, Pop.
Yeah, maybe we will.
That warm feeling was back.
I guess it wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be, and the reunion as long as it should be, but it was enough.
Because in that one moment, Earl and his son shared a lifetime.
Hi, Punky.
Magnum don't you ever call me that again.
Gee, Higgins, it's so cute the way Earl says it.
Puddinghead, Corky, all the lads.
And you.
Punky.
- Magnum.
- Higgins, it's so quaint.
I mean, nobody's called Punky anymore.
If you persist in this The tennis courts for two weeks, the hot tub for three, - and the wide-screen TV for the weekend.
- Absolutely not.
- OK.
Punk - Mag All right.
- Hi, guys.
- Don't "hi, guy" us.
That's right.
Just save it for some other suckers, OK? OK, OK.
Here.
I'll just leave you alone to play your game.
Wait just a second.
Did Earl get off OK? Safe and sound.
Yeah.
For now.
He's still got that permanent contract out on him.
Those guys won't quit, they're like mad dogs.
- Don't forget it, Thomas.
- They'll just keep after him.
I hate to say this, Thomas, but one day they're gonna get him.
You can make book on that.
Yeah.
Maybe.
But not today.
Maybe you can help me.
I knew I didn't like this place.
Hey, guys.
Maybe we can talk about this? He says he'll take us for a steak and he brings us here.
- You're a wrestler? - Yeah.
Mr.
White Death, Doctor Of Destruction.
- The Mag's putting me up.
- The Mag? I don't appreciate you harassing me.
The only father I ever knew is dead.
Is he really looking for his son or is he having me set somebody up? I want my boy! Hey, Signor Marchese, what a pleasure to see ya.
How you doin', Joey? Hey, I'm doin', I'm doin'.
Have a seat, signor, no waiting.
Make yourself comfortable.
OK.
Just, you know gimme the usual.
You've got it, signor, you've got it.
Say, you see the Gianelli fight Saturday night? No, I missed it.
That bum went down.
In the tank.
Yeah, I heard.
You didn't miss much.
You didn't miss a thing.
Well, I've been down in Havana for the last two weeks on business.
Those boys, those boys know how to live.
I mean they really got a handle on what life's all about, you know what I mean? Hey.
You oughta go, Joey.
I mean, I got a casino, I got a hotel.
I'd get you all the broads and all the rum you can use.
It's on me.
Go ahead, it'll make you feel young again.
Yeah, yeah.
Excuse a moment, I'm out of tonic, I gotta go in the back room.
OK, all right.
Make it quick.
I'll be right back.
It's your favorite kind.
and it'll do you a worid of good.
Joey? Mm! This shave's on Dominic.
You remember him, Sal? He's a good friend of yours.
- Wait here.
I'll be right back.
- Yeah, anything you say.
He says he'll take us for a steak and he brings us here.
Bet you the beef here bites back.
Just gimme a minute.
I've gotta talk to a guy.
Then we'll go to the steakhouse, OK? Enjoy the show.
The show? You owe me five big ones, Harry.
- I know.
You'll get it.
- You've been telling me that for six months.
Come on, buddy.
I'm a little bit short.
Come on, Harry.
I look around, it looks like you're doing real well here.
A debt's a debt and I don't wanna get stiffed.
You got it? Who's talking stiff? Ladies and gentlemen, time has run out.
We have a decision in this match between Big Zongo, The Fire God Of Bali, and the contender from New Jersey, Mr.
White Death, The Doctor Of Destruction, The Surgeon Of Pain.
This match it's a draw! What? Oh, I can't bel A draw? My man definitely had that man down there.
Break it up.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't press me.
You're on my turf now, huh? I know, Harry.
That's why I brought a couple of my friends.
You shouldn't have done that.
Are you nuts? What are you? Take it easy.
What's going on here? - Ladies and gentlemen - I knew I didn't like this place.
In this corner, Come On, I Wanna Kill Ya.
Hey, guys.
Maybe we can talk about this.
- Will you have a beer? - Sure.
Good idea.
Tomorrow.
Hey.
That ain't fair! That takes care of that.
- Thanks.
- I just didn't like the odds.
Steak dinner! Turkey! That's some uppercut you've got, pal.
Thanks.
- My name's Earl.
- Thomas Magnum.
- T.
C.
- Rick.
Thanks for helping us out.
Maybe you can do the same for me someday.
Sure.
How about right now? I'm hungry.
Let's go get some sushi.
- Actually, we were going out for steaks.
- Come on, sushi's better for you.
Well OK.
Great.
Er He won't be doing more than vanilla malts for the next two days.
You two go ahead.
I've kinda lost my appetite.
Guys! Hey! I'll be changed in a minute.
Great.
Great.
Yeah.
It was in Nagasaki, about '56, '57.
I'm wrestling this big sumo wrestler.
Now, you think I'm big.
Woo-hoo! Just a little bit more.
Just put down a bit more.
That's it.
Now, this sumo wrestler must have checked in at about 450.
I mean, before breakfast.
Thanks a lot.
Now, I'm playing the good part, you know, Mr.
White Death! - Doctor Of Destruction, Surgeon Of Pain.
- You got it.
All right.
Well, might just as well, eh? OK.
So Anyway, this sumo wrestler's jumping up and down on me, but he ain't hurting me - cinch stuff, you know.
Then it comes my turn to trip him, when he falls.
Then I got him, you know, in a leg lock.
I'm giving it It don't matter.
I'll use a spoon.
I got him in a leg lock, you see, and suddenly I noticed that the guy ain't moving very much anymore.
So I kinda lean back a little bit to check him out, and I see this guy is dead.
He had a heart attack.
And here I am, sitting in the middle of a ring, surrounded by 5,000 of his followers, and I got a dead sumo wrestler.
- What happened? - What happened? I'm scared to death, man.
My heart is going like the Coney Island Express and I got no more tokens.
And then I look up and I hear a lot of chanting going on, and they're saying something like - What's that mean? - What's it mean? It means, "Kill the jerk.
" Oh.
"Oh" is right.
And it could've been worse.
But by the time the guys realized it's for real, the eighth army came in and got me out, no problem.
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mm, good.
So what's your dodge, Mag? - My dodge? - Mm.
Oh, my dodge.
- I'm a private investigator.
- A what? A private investigator.
You gotta be kidding.
A gumshoe? You know, this is really my lucky night.
You can really help me.
I mean really help me in a big way.
- I don't know - Wait a minute.
You've just saved me a long walk through the Yellow Pages.
Now, let me tell you.
You know, I've been all around this worid and I've done a lot of things that I would like to forget.
And when you reach a certain age, you just like to even things up, know what I mean? That's why I'm here, to even things up.
You see I'm really looking for my boy.
And And maybe you can help me find him.
His name's Phil.
- Phil? - Yeah.
- How old is he? - 36.
Well, he's only ten there.
Yeah.
But you see, I left him and his mother high and dry.
You know, one summer night on Brighton Beach I ain't seen neither one of them since.
- Are they here in Hawaii? - Well, he is.
Since '61.
I just found out about it a month or so ago.
Imagine, not seeing him all these years.
I can see that look on your face.
I know what you must be thinking, but I had reasons.
Believe me, I had reasons.
My wife is dead now and all I got left is my son.
Elaine, my wife, married another guy out here and and my boy took over his name, but but that don't matter with me.
I just wanna see him, I just wanna see him one more time if he'll see me.
Will you help me? Well, it's not gonna be that easy.
You can do it, Mag.
Please, try, will you? You can find him.
I don't even want to talk to him, that ain't important.
All I want to do is see him.
Just see him.
I remember when I was five years old, I found this little puppy in the street.
It had been hit by a car and was in pretty bad shape, so I brought it home and my dad and I took it to the vet.
120 bucks.
The little puppy grew into a big St.
Bernard.
It ate a $500 couch and my dad's favorite armchair.
The next day, my dad put it in the backyard where it dug a hole through the fence and ran away.
Ever since then, I've been wary about taking in big, adorable pups.
One of life's lessons you just have to keep learning, over and over again.
- I'll get my key and we'll go right up.
- Hey! - What? - Mr.
White Death.
What do you mean, "what"? You owe me six days.
Well Look, I told you, we don't get paid at the club until Friday.
Besides Besides nothing.
You don't even have a job.
Harry Meacham called me and told me that you were fired for trashing his club.
So, I took the liberty of taking $33 out of your sock, and bringing your stuff down.
Sayonara, pal.
Listen.
Look.
I I got a bout coming up in two days at the arena.
$500.
You think you can give me a break? No.
No.
Earl - got any money now? - Oh, sure, but it's all tied up in stocks and bonds.
That's just a bad joke, pal.
You know this burg pretty good - you got any idea where I could stay? This was one of those rare mornings I was up early.
It wasn't so much a zest for life as it was Earl's snoring.
Like the barking of that St.
Bernard - it was driving me crazy.
Fortunately, Earl was only going to be here a couple of days.
Just till I found his son.
Oh, my God! Zeus, Apollo, stay.
- I demand to know the meaning of this.
- Meaning of what? This man's destruction of estate property.
Destruction? He was skipping rope.
Skipping rope? - On the dirt.
- That is not dirt.
That is freshly cultivated soil.
Under that soil are 36 anthurium scherzerianum bulbs imported from Holland in a specially treated container at substantial expense to the estate.
Well, I'm sorry, I didn't know about them - shez the bulbs.
- He didn't.
It does look like dirt.
Excuse me, but do you think you can get rid of all those teeth? Zeus, Apollo, patrol.
Earl? Oh.
Magnum, I presume this man is your guest, then so is the responsibility for his actions.
- Wait a minute, I pay my own way.
- That's all right.
This is Higgins.
He kind of runs the place.
Earl - Sepekis.
- Sepekis.
He's kind of a client.
The Mag's putting me up for a couple of days.
The Mag! How magnanimous.
However, I think you'll find that a rather expensive gesture.
Wait a minute.
Ain't that the sign of the You ever know a guy by the name of Bostwick? Corky Bostwick.
- We were stationed at Quang Ju together.
- Really? You guys got the same tailor.
We served in the same regiment.
The Prince of Wales', West Yorkshire.
Yeah.
I tell you, that Corky was a helluva guy.
- You knew Corky Bostwick? - Knew him? Are you kidding? We wrestled through half of South America.
Corky Bostwick, The One-Legged Limey.
Sure, we was a team, boy.
After our routine was finished, he'd take off his peg leg and start beating me over the head with it.
People loved it.
I've always wondered what became of Corky.
- Yeah.
- He took a terrible hit in Anzio.
Then we seemed to lose touch with him.
We heard rumors, though.
- You're a wrestler? - Yeah.
Professional? Oh, hey, Mr.
White Death, Doctor Of Destruction, Surgeon Of Earl is in Hawaii looking for his son and I'm helping out.
Corky was regimental champion.
Did he mention a Jonathan Higgins to you? Higgins? No, but he spoke a lot about a guy called Percy Eldridge.
Puddinghead Eldridge.
My God, that brings back memories.
I remember in the Sahara, Puddinghead, Corky and I were on patrol, we were lost, actually.
And Puddinghead found the camel, and the three of you rode back to the oasis.
Sure I remember that.
It's extraordinary.
Hey wait a minute.
I I know who you are now.
You're Punky.
Punky?! I say, Magnum, do you mind? Me? Of course not Punky! If you'll excuse us.
Come, Mr.
Sepekis.
We'll have breakfast on the patio.
I fancy myself a bit of a wrestling aficionado.
There was a time in Liverpool in '51 or was it '52? Well, it doesn't matter.
The first time I had seen a professional match, lvan Karamazov, The Russian Bear.
Yeah.
A dirty fighter.
Real dirty, that lvan.
One of the aspects of modern society that you just can't get away from, is the fact that every important milestone in your life - births, marriages, deaths - is recorded on a computer.
Next.
Your whole life kept for anybody to see.
That's why I figured it'd be a real snap reuniting the old wrestler with his long-lost son Phil.
Kind of gave me a warm feeling.
Next.
Excuse me.
Could you save my place in line? Hi.
Thank you.
Records, Ms.
Jones.
Yes.
Ray! Why are you calling me here, Ray? No.
That's just not fair, Ray, I can't deal with that.
It's just not fair.
Who is she, Ray? I got a right to know, you know.
Please.
After two good months, you're just gonna walk out on me? I wanna know who it is.
I've got a right to know.
No.
That tramp.
I'm sorry.
I know how hard Why don't you mind your own business? What do you want? I want access to the microfilm room.
I want to examine the marriage records from 1961- 64.
Fill these out.
Then follow the blue painted line to the cashier's window.
Then the green line back here.
And then the red line to the microfilm room.
Well, I hope Next.
I admit the whole morning was a major inconvenience.
Being a private investigator entails a lot of this kind of procedure.
It's not all screeching tires and glamorous ladies, and I still had that warm feeling about the whole thing.
Next.
Records.
Ms.
Jones.
Ray why are you torturing me like this? Four hours later, I came out with a name - Phil Lewis.
Earl's son had taken the name of his stepfather and despite everything, despite the hassle and inconvenience, I still had that warm feeling - a feeling of accomplishing something, of being one step closer to bringing people together instead of breaking them up on a seamy divorce case.
All those hours and minutes I spent at the Hall of Records was worth it.
Finally, I get to the cashier's window, but they say, "You've gotta have the exact change.
" But I already blew that on the parking meter.
Anyway, finally I get back to Ms.
Jones, when her boyfriend calls, she goes to pieces again, they take her to the employees' lounge, I never see her again, but at least I got the name.
But finding him - that's gonna be something else.
Phil Lewis.
124 Kalakaua Street.
He sells insurance.
That warm feeling was back.
I couldn't wait to see the look on Phil's face when I told him I'd found his father.
My father's dead.
I think there's some mistake.
- You are Phil Lewis? - Yes.
Your mother's name was Elaine, your father's name was Earl? My father's name was James.
He's been dead for about two years.
You're making a mistake.
I don't think so.
Mr.
Lewis, I've been to the Hall of Records, I know your mother's maiden name and that the man in that picture is your stepfather.
I'm here to talk about Earl.
What are you after, Mr.
Magnum? - What are you trying to pull? - The two of you together.
Look.
Earl asked me to find you.
He's a little apprehensive.
He's scared.
- This is very difficult for him.
- I'm sure it is.
What does my father look like? Well, he's heavy-set, silver-haired, in his fifties.
As you can see, the resemblance is overwhelming - especially since the man you're talking about doesn't exist.
Who are you really working for, Mr.
Magnum? - I told you.
- No, I don't think so.
I don't appreciate you coming in here and harassing me.
Tell whoever's paying you that the only father I ever knew is dead.
- That's about as clear as I can make it.
- Or wanna make it.
His license checks out.
Thomas Magnum, private eye.
Investigator.
Thank you, Cora.
Look, Magnum, maybe you're legitimate, but whoever hired you isn't.
You may use this bedroom.
It's Mr.
Masters' favorite.
Now, listen, you don't have to go to all that trouble for me.
Nonsense.
I want your stay here to be of the utmost comfort.
To think you had to share the guesthouse last night.
Well, I hope you'll enjoy this room.
Rest now and I'll see you at dinner.
Afterwards, we can play billiards and exchange reminiscences.
- Oh, I'd like that.
- Until then.
Until then! I'll see you.
That's it.
Ride 'im, tiger, ride 'im! That's what we call a Tasmanian tiger dance.
That was great.
Lemme see you guys do another one.
All right.
Your turn.
My turn? Yeah.
Well, there's no substitute for experience, you know.
That's right.
Um But I just like to watch.
You got to learn how to defend yourself.
That way you won't have to depend on your friends all the time to defend you.
All you gotta do is relax.
You won't get hurt.
That's the whole idea.
Relax, kind of, like, meditate.
Yeah.
That's right.
You know, I never thought of it that way.
Come on, let's meditate.
Whoa.
Wait a minute.
- Come on.
- Wait a minute! Wait! You all right, buddy? How d'you like it? It was just fine.
Just fine, Earl.
Great.
Now I'm gonna show you the Detroit death grip.
Detroit death grip? Magnum, really! We had the brakes done three weeks ago.
Are you related to the mechanic? - Where's Earl? - On the lawn, on the windward side.
He's instructing Rick and T.
C.
In the fine art of "eating the canvas", as he puts it.
I say, your face is even more blank than usual.
Did you encounter some difficulty in locating Earl's son? Yes.
I mean no.
Well, I'm - I mean, I don't know.
- Well put.
Well, Higgins, his son just told me that he wasn't his son.
And he got suspicious.
Even ran a make on my license.
Quite commendable, actually.
- So now you're questioning Earl's motives? - I'm questioning if Earl is really Earl.
It wouldn't be the first time a client wasn't straight with me.
If Earl really is Earl, is he really looking for his son, or is he just having me set somebody up? - Magnum! - Come to think of it Wait a minute.
I remember Earl saying he didn't even have to meet his son, just see him.
Even for you, I find this attitude quite callous, possibly even paranoid.
Earl, in his own way, is a gentleman.
Well, what would you do? Well, I must say it does present an interesting dilemma.
I remember once when the regiment was stationed in Rangoon life was quiet, peaceful, tranquil, until Lieutenant Hilton-Thorpe was transferred in.
Then it became a ghastly and depressing business.
Hey, Mag! Well, how did it go? Well - Don't worry about us.
We're just leaving.
- No.
- Let's practice our Tasmanian tiger dance.
- Who, me? Yes, you, tiger.
It goes like this.
Did you find him? - I think so.
- You think so? Well, what? Where is he? Well, he's here in Honolulu just like you said.
Great, great! Only the guy that I met said his father's dead.
He was killed in Miami in a traffic accident Well, you can see for yourself, I'm still breathing.
Where is he? You gotta level with me, Earl.
I did some checking.
If you've got a past, nobody seems to know it.
And the name Sepekis dead-ended in San Diego a month ago.
I don't know who you are.
Or even if he is your son.
Look, Mag you gotta believe me when I tell you this.
I can't tell you who I am, or where I've been.
It just don't matter.
You just gotta believe that I'm Phil's pop.
That's not good enough, Earl.
You could've found him yourself, it wasn't hard.
One of you isn't telling the truth.
Why do you need an intermediary? I told you! It happened such a long time ago You don't believe me, do you? You just don't trust me, do you? You don't trust me.
Look, Mag, I don't wanna hurt you.
Great.
I don't want to hurt you either.
But I want my boy.
I want the truth! I want my boy! Now, tell me, where is he? Where is he? Isn't that the Omaha powerdriver? No, that's the Detroit death grip and it looks like he's doing it for real.
Hey! Get outta here.
What are you doing to him? - You're fired! - I quit! And you tell him I'm still alive and that I tried! Rick? I think we better get him inside.
He'll be seeing little birdies for a week.
I'll see ya.
Philip.
- What's wrong? - What? What is the problem? The problem is, Punky nobody gives a damn.
Nobody trusts anybody anymore.
Nobody knows what it means to be a friend.
That's the problem.
- Where are you going? - It don't matter.
Oh.
Well how is our pugilist doing? He obviously has what you Yanks call a glass jaw.
Glass jaw? This boy's jaw is pure crystal, one punch and he's out like a light.
Why wouldn't Earl level with me? The man's trying to hide something.
You did the right thing by not telling him about his son.
Perhaps.
But then again, Earl obviously thought he was doing the right thing, too.
The word honor is more than a dusty inscription on some pieces of parchment.
For some of us it is a way of life.
I doubt we'll ever find out the real truth.
I know him.
I know him.
I know who he is.
He's Earl Gianelli.
I shoulda known.
He was a contender back in the '50s.
I knew that uppercut from someplace.
- But I can't believe he's here wrestling.
- Why should that be so incomprehensible? Many boxers, unable to do anything else, end their careers as wrestlers.
It's common.
- Not if they've got a price on their head.
- A price? What are you talking about? - Sounds like trouble.
- It is for Earl.
He's the guy who knocked off Sal Marchese back in '55 in a barber chair.
Who is Sal Marchese? Sal Marchese was the head of the Miami branch of the Family.
But Earl wouldn't cooperate, so they killed Earl's manager, who was his best friend, just to teach him a lesson.
After that, Earl disappeared.
And ever since then, they've had a permanent contract out on his head.
That's why he's been wrestling in dives all this time, because he knew if he showed up anywhere, anytime, he'd be a dead man.
Every once in a while, something will happen that will totally jolt your sense of right and wrong, like watching a buddy take an uppercut to the jaw that had your name on it.
Something hard and direct that tends to bring back a sense of reality, reminds you that all endings aren't happy, that no matter how hard we try, we're all going to fail sometime, somehow.
Except my little voice was telling me that's a cop-out.
You can always try just one more thing.
The car was a rental and the guys in it had to be out-of-staters.
I can tell because of all the dumb stickers plastered on it like, "I'd rather be riding a mule on Molokai.
" So I figured it wouldn't be much of a problem losing a couple of bozos with six hours' worth of jet lag on their minds.
But then, on the other hand, why bother? As near as I could figure it, there was only one way they could have been put onto me in the first place.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Lewis has gone for the day.
Cora, let's try that again.
I'll bet you made a mistake.
I'll bet you Phil is right inside that nice little office of his.
If you'll excuse me.
How much are they paying you, Cora? - I don't know what you're talking about.
- Just by the day, week, the year? A little moonlighting for the Mob to pay your way through college? Mr.
Magnum, you're crazy.
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I was just imagining the two guys that have been tailing me ever since you ran a make on me.
Ever since I came into this office trying to reunite a dead boxer with his son.
Congratulations, Cora.
You hit the jackpot - payday.
This man's crazy.
Go ahead.
Stick your head out that window, Mr.
Lewis.
Go ahead.
You'll see a blue Sedan with two guys next to it who are keen on meeting Earl Gianelli.
Big fans.
Cora can tell you their names.
Really, I don't have to listen to this.
Cora? Cora? Are you gonna let her get away? You can't.
No, I won't.
Hello, Cora.
- Who are you? - We're from Miami.
Somebody wants to talk to you.
Real bad.
This way, please.
Please, take your hands off me.
Sure.
- She was a plant.
- Cora's worked for me for three years, I can't believe that.
Believe it.
These guys probably met her at lunch one day.
They told her to keep an eye out for a face, a name.
Your father.
There were bucks in it, she didn't know any better.
Look, I'm not a cop and I don't work for the Mob, I'm here to finish the job that Earl Gianelli hired me to do.
The best help you can give the both of us is just stay out of it.
I will just as soon as I get the two of you connected.
You can't.
Not now, not ever.
It's been a long hard road for him.
Your father's getting old - that's why he came to Hawaii.
Look, that's why I'm here to get as far away from him as I possibly can.
I grew up thinking my dad had run out on me.
You know, I woke up one morning and he was gone.
He was supposed to take me to a ball game, but we didn't make it.
I wish he could have taken me to that game, but I understand why he didn't.
My mother told me the truth about that before she died.
And I also know that if I ever let him get near me, then he's dead.
Look, Magnum, all I'm trying to do is keep him alive.
Why don't you let me take care of that? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner and new heavyweight champion of Hawaii, on a disqualification Where is he? Back there.
We finally got you, Gianelli.
Yee-ah! Hold it.
Go straight to Gate 12 and wait there.
Gate 12.
Goodbye, old chap.
Goodbye Punky.
Oh, and say goodbye to Magnum, too, all right? All right.
So long.
Flight 121 for San Francisco now loading at Gate 12.
Last call for flight 121 to San Francisco.
Hey! Hey, Mag, come here.
Pop.
I'm I'm sorry we missed that ball game.
Sometimes you get rained out.
Flight 121, the doors are closing.
Last call.
Come with me, Phil.
Come with me.
I can't and you know that.
I'll write you.
I'll write you.
You can't.
They'll just find out where you are.
Maybe someday we'll make that ball game, huh, son? Yeah, Pop.
Yeah, maybe we will.
That warm feeling was back.
I guess it wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be, and the reunion as long as it should be, but it was enough.
Because in that one moment, Earl and his son shared a lifetime.
Hi, Punky.
Magnum don't you ever call me that again.
Gee, Higgins, it's so cute the way Earl says it.
Puddinghead, Corky, all the lads.
And you.
Punky.
- Magnum.
- Higgins, it's so quaint.
I mean, nobody's called Punky anymore.
If you persist in this The tennis courts for two weeks, the hot tub for three, - and the wide-screen TV for the weekend.
- Absolutely not.
- OK.
Punk - Mag All right.
- Hi, guys.
- Don't "hi, guy" us.
That's right.
Just save it for some other suckers, OK? OK, OK.
Here.
I'll just leave you alone to play your game.
Wait just a second.
Did Earl get off OK? Safe and sound.
Yeah.
For now.
He's still got that permanent contract out on him.
Those guys won't quit, they're like mad dogs.
- Don't forget it, Thomas.
- They'll just keep after him.
I hate to say this, Thomas, but one day they're gonna get him.
You can make book on that.
Yeah.
Maybe.
But not today.